Whispers 16

For much of the afternoon, the family group moved around in circles of discussion and common interest. Kardin found Howard most interesting. Both men shared stories of growing up with a demanding and fierce parent. However, beneath her flighty socialite exterior, Howard's mother had a heart of gold. Kardin's father was without one ounce of compassion. When he had an opportunity, Kardin tried his best to apologize, as part of any conversations between himself and Jacob and Vincent. Their extended hand was a sign of forgiveness he appreciated, vowing to live the learned lessons going forward. Redemption became his byword!

He saw and heard, in Catherine, a story of profound love and courage.

'I wish Madame to have had even a small portion of the love you have for your husband. It is beyond even my imaginings.'

'You have to open yourself to love, be vulnerable and accepting. That's how it happens. But then, you must nurture it, hold it close to your heart and never let it go.'

Once more Kardin was moved to tears. He had to excuse himself for a few minutes. He could not ever remember feeling such overwhelming kindness. It was Cilla who eventually called him to dinner. There wasn't enough room for a sit-down meal. The set up was a buffet/eat as much as you want arrangement. Everything was delicious but the dishes from Ledgister were outstanding.

'Your culinary skill is extraordinary!' Kardin heaped praise on the tall man. 'Where did you learn to cook like this?'

'Come to New Orleans sometime. Cookin' is a way of life.'

Once again Kardin's inner peace was disturbed by the power beneath the voice and the golden flecks shining within green-brown eyes. He stood immobile, wondering what had come over him. The rush of so many emotions was almost too much to bear. He couldn't hide away again. He needed to find someone who wasn't open and ready to welcome him back to the fold. He moved away from the adults and went to the space where the children were busy. Each one had their own ideas of what to do. He watched Hari, his first-born grandson trying to create a design. Hs hands were plastered with paint circling wildly on a white canvas. Mea had little interest in doing very much. She was tired and snuggled up on the lap of her grandmother looking at pictures in a book.

Cilla was busy writing. It was obvious that her future was well set. He wondered what story she would eventually write. They had a tentative friendship, based on her extraordinary ESP abilities. He hoped to nurture it, if she would let him. Off in another area, Aislyn, sat with a pile of building blocks and wooden squares, gradually creating a structure that looked very real and very professional. He knew she was just over a year old. Her skill was remarkable. Without thought, he moved closer to observe her actions. This was the child of Jacob and Cathy. He was about to ask her a question when Cathy came and stood on the other side of her daughter. It was almost a protective posture. Kardin stepped back a little.

'She has inherited her grandfather's skills.'

'What?!'

There was no softness in the tone, just seething anger below a gentile surface. Kardin pressed on not at all deterred by the implied rebuff.

'Freddie was a brilliant architect. He could design and build anything.'

'How do you know?'

'When we were kids, our fathers used to meet. Once in awhile, we attended some social event to prepare us for our future within the organization. I met Freddie a few times. He always had a notebook filled with pictures and designs. He literally took to the idea of the 'Great Architect' as his future role in life.'

Cathy was silent, digesting the words. She knew Kardin was telling the truth. Three other people in the room, who had become vigilant during the confrontation, relaxed.

'What do you know about my father? He was a drug addict,' she challenged.

Kardin was surprised at the distaste in her voice. For a moment he was tempted to withdraw but the words of apology died on his lips. Something in her eyes pleaded for more information.

'He wasn't always a drug addict. That came later in life when Edgar strangled every last bit of humanity out of his sons.' Kardin kept his tone even but he understood the suffering.

Cathy knew the words were true. She had a box of Freddie's treasures, given to her by Edgar Raeburn containing notes and drawings as proof of her father's interest in unique architecture. It was partly because of this skill, that he met Lena, during a trip to Canada. She gazed at her daughter realizing that Aislyn had indeed inherited the desire to design and build but unlike Freddie she would be free to choose whatever career path met her needs.

'I didn't ever think I would have a kind word to say to you, but I appreciate what you just told me.' There was less frost in her tone but a deeper hurt had yet to be resolved.

'My house is based on a design that I got from Freddie. I saw it when I was a kid but I never forgot the amazing details when I was constructing my own home.'

Cathy opened her mouth to speak but just then Brian called everyone to attention.

'Everyone knows we have some talented people in this family. Some are good at math, sciences, medicine, and a few are great at music. We have had a few instruments here for the kids but in honour of our talented and amazing grandmother Hélène, we have installed a piano so that we can enjoy her music when she visits. My wife and I have been to quite a few family occasions. She has provided us with much joy from her talent both on the instrument and with her beautiful voice. We would like her to have the same pleasure when she visits here. Madame?'

Brian led Hélène over to an area that had been partially obscured. Everyone thought it was just an area created for displaying gifts and cards, but the wood top and siding were removed to reveal a beautiful grand piano/organ. Hélène did not hesitate. She sat comfortably on the polished bench and ran her fingers up and down the keys before adjusting some of the buttons to give a fuller resonance to the exquisite sound. She smiled through her tears thanking Holly and Brian for their generosity.

'Oh Mémé, you must have music wherever you go. We also hope one of the kids will have a penchant for learning to play.' Holly turned from her grandmother's tear-filled eyes and announced, 'all those who can sing come forward and give us your best shot.'

Holly who had been raised on Eastern style music had little to offer. Howard lacked any reticence in performing, especially with his wife encouraging him. He raised his arm and walked up to the piano, kissed Hélène's cheek, wiped a stray tear from her eye and stated his intention to be the first. They conferred for a moment to give her an opportunity to pull herself together. Howard leaned against the instrument, waited for his cue and smile of encouragement before singing a most credible version of 'If I ruled the World'.

'Bravo Howard! I think I would like it if you did indeed rule the world.' Catherine offered a hand to her old friend.

He pulled her up and whispered, 'you are next!'

Unable to exit gracefully, Catherine approached the piano and spoke to Hélène. 'Honestly I don't sing much and only know one song really well.'

The two women conferred for a few minutes before Catherine was given her cue. She sang her rendition of 'When I Fall in Love' as she had done once before at Terry's wedding. Her soft voice was lovely.

And so, the late afternoon continued into evening. Ledgister took over the piano so that Hélène could sing a couple of songs. The professional performer had everyone mesmerized. She accepted the accolades then sat at the piano with Ledgister. They played and sang a couple of duets, very much in tune with each other.

Cathy felt the pull and joy of performing. Many reminiscences of times past were flowing through her head. She offered to sing her wedding song just as she had done on first meeting Hélène. Jacob joined her and although his voice wasn't powerful, he sang in key, carried on the wind by his wife. Memories of their wedding day washed over them. At the end, they both leaned in and kissed Hélène, thanking her for being a part of their lives. She played a couple of children's tunes so that the kids could also take part. Brian directed their efforts quite successfully.

Only Kardin and Holly had not participated. Hélène offered some music more in keeping with their strong Eastern ties but Kardin declined. So as not to appear boorish, he asked Hélène if she knew any songs from the 60's or 70's.

'Of course, I do. That is my era of music too. What did you have in mind?'

'There's a song by Freddie Mercury called Melancholy Blues. Do you know it?'

'I wasn't a big Queen fan but hum a little of the tune for me and I can pick it up.'

Kardin wasn't too sure of himself but was saved by Ledgister who knew the song well. 'I'll play it for ya.'

The three conferred for a bit longer. Ledgister gave a couple of chord keys before settling on one that suited Kardin and he began to play. Hélène was surprised by the Jazz/Blues beat. It made sense then that Ledgister would know it. The style was right up his alley. Hélène observed the two men. Kardin sang his heart out and did not appear overwhelmed at having an audience. Clearly the song had great meaning for him. She resolved to look up more of Queen's work. During their most popular time she was busy with kids and deep into hurting country style music, but she was aware the famed group had been in Montreal a couple of times for stage shows. As the song progressed, she left her role as a musician to turn teacher and critic to what she was hearing. Kardin possessed an extraordinary voice. There was quite a range needed to sing effectively. She continued assessing him and his skill. His years spent in the Monastery or Temple either chanting or singing had helped him to evolve into an incredible singer….or maybe he always was and didn't have a chance, she thought. The music stopped before she came back to her sense of the here and now, but a powerful wave washed over her.

'You have an incredible talent, Das.'

'Thank you Hélène and you too, Ledgister. I hope we can all perform together again.' The words were out before Kardin was even aware that no one may want to spend time with him.

Following some very robust applause, people began to talk and shuffle about. It was clear that the performing part of the evening was over. Kardin moved away from the piano. His eyes met those of his daughter. She sat, hugging her child and shedding tears for this man, her father and a side of him that she never knew or saw. Not far away, Cathy also stared at the same being, her sister's father, her mother's captor. For the first time, Cathy wondered why her mother had given up this man for Freddie. The thought shocked her!

Gathering her senses, Cathy turned away. No matter how beautiful he sang, Ultimately, he was still guilty of separating mother and child, then abandoning both when he got what he wanted. For some strange reason, the anger which often held her immobile dissipated. Feeling vulnerable, she picked up Aislyn and nodded to Jacob that she was ready to leave.

….

January gave way to February, more cold weather and a delightful Winterfest. Only the Wells family went below. Hélène and Howard were busy with the transition from his role as Governor and preparation for his new position as UN ambassador. Kardin returned to India on business and Holly and Brian were adjusting to life with four active kids. There was more contact between families than in the past and when Kardin returned from India, a positive surge of togetherness seemed to permeate the group connections. Holly spent more time with her father, sharing the events of her life which brought so much pain. She tried hard not to blame her father. Learning about his own hurts made her aware of the axiom that everyone was a product of their environment, and yet it was possible to move beyond it.

As always, Cathy left her stance as loving sister and became the efficient social worker when listening to her sister recount some success in the healing relationship with Kardin. Each conversation brought a lessening of searing pain within the little girl lost, and moderate it to a softer fury. 'You have to find that little girl inside of you who was so hurt and learn to love her first.' Even as she said the words to her sister, Cathy realized that she would have to do the same. Both her life and Holly's life seemed to take a turn for the better when they met Jacob. Cathy knew the meeting was but a beginning. The sisters took strength from him but in their relationships with Kardin, they each had to find their own sense of peace. A way forward was possible, but the time had to be right!

The opportunity came sooner than Cathy wished. With Howard working in New York city almost every day, Hélène spent less and less time in Albany and more time at the condo. The spaciousness was sometimes intimidating and the amount of people who worked there daily or helped with Reiba and the kids was astounding. The simple life of sharing cooking with Ledgister or having the peace and quiet of her music room to be creative were gone in a heartbeat. To get away and find some peace and quiet, Hélène often went down to Philippe's condo to work on her projects, call her granddaughters and refresh her busy mind. Weekends were spent in Albany, but Howard's life remained as busy as ever.

Hélène completed her music project and needed another non professional opinion. She called Cathy to stop by one day in order to listen to the score which she hoped to present at the next Ball. Holly returned to work by the beginning of March, usually from 1-4 p.m. which gave Cathy the opportunity to do her own thing. She would have preferred to have her grandmother come home but Carl brought Aislyn to meet her at the center and then drive them up to the condo. As long as her daughter was safe, Cathy was happy!

Aislyn had fallen asleep on the drive over. She quietly placed her daughter on the bed in the spare room before greeting her grandmother. Hélène hugged her granddaughter tightly. 'I feel like its been so long since I last saw you. Living in so many places is still hard for me to fathom where I am some days.'

'Oh Mémé, you are so versatile. I have never seen anyone adjust so well to a complete change in lifestyle. Perhaps that's where I get my strength.'

'It is in your DNA for sure!'

Cathy laughed. She didn't want to exclude the contribution of her mother. Lena had been a survivor. It seemed strange that Cathy rarely thought of her mother in that way. She was always seen as a victim. Cathy shrugged inwardly and gave her attention to her grandmother's words.

'From the moment I heard a song at the Ball where I met Howard, I have been enchanted with the composer. As you know your grandfather and I worked so hard to identify and find out what we could. It was during that time that I fell in love with Howard, much to Philippe's distress but that's another story.'

'Don't tell me Papa was jealous?'

'He was. Not from an ownership point of view but one of watchfulness. He didn't want me to be hurt. I don't know if he thought Howard wouldn't or couldn't love me or vice versa but he did have strong feelings about our relationship and, of course Howard was still legally married.'

'I didn't know that. I do know both men love you. The fact that they were also friends at one time should be a blessing.'

'Men don't have our common-sense ma petite fille. They see things from a different perspective altogether. Anyway, I was mesmerized by the story of Howard's father. What I have been doing is to put together some of his music with some of my original pieces to create a musical theater performance of his remarkable journey. I hope to organize a show and surprise Howard.'

'What?! Wow! Are you kidding me? That is so exciting.' Cathy could not contain her excitement. Such an undertaking was beyond her imaginings.

She followed her grandmother to the piano and listened to a couple of songs, one composed entirely by Hélène and one by Howard's father. As Cathy listened, memories washed over her, memories of the night she and Jacob got off the elevator and walked down the hall to face this remarkable woman for the first time, knowing who she was even as Hélène remained ignorant of the revelation about to unfold. Through her memory bank ran other stories from Jacob's visions giving light to the all the relationships which now reinforced their lives. She was moved to tears. Something about the music seemed to open doors and windows into her soul. Hélène didn't sing the words but as she played, Cathy had a vision of Kardin singing at the New Year's Day fete and knew he would be the perfect person to recreate the life of AN. Why that should be, was not clear.

'What do you think?'

'I think you are a genius. When did you find the time to do all this? Marriage, grandchildren, moving, lifestyle change. Wow!'

'It has been my salvation. I am grateful for Howard's love and of course support from Ledgister. How did you feel Cathy?'

'What I just heard opened a door of memories for me, some good some not so good, but all important. I feel as if I have been on a journey. Can I tell you that at the end of my journey, I saw Kardin?'

'Oh my beautiful granddaughter! That was my vision too. How astounding.'

'No kidding!'

'When I heard him sing, I thought, what a powerful, deep and resonant voice he has. He is extremely talented but, like you he chose not to develop professionally or use that skill beyond the everyday acts of talking or chanting.'

'What will you do?'

'Cathy, I am aware that you have…issues with him that trouble your heart. We must both be clear about letting him into our lives in an intimate way.'

'Tell me what you feel Mémé?'

'For me, he did not destroy my daughter, but he used her. I don't know if she was a willing partner or not but what transpires between two people is their business.' Hélène paused giving Cathy a chance to speak but she remained silent. 'I was not there to help make a difference in her choices. I cannot forgive myself for failing to support her before she ran away. I only wished to give her courage to want better. Yet she survived, despite my failings, gave me two beautiful granddaughters and died caring for the man she loved.'

'But I was with her when Kardin first took us in and yet she did nothing for me. I was her daughter. Why did she let me go? When I came back, she acted as if I was never gone.'

'That I cannot answer Cathy.'

Both women were silent, taking in the memories, seeking answers deep within. Cathy moved forward and hugged her grandmother, each one seeking the key to open the door to the unknown. Lena could never again explain away her actions but Kardin could. Would he be honest? Cathy looked into her grandmother's eyes.

'You know Mémé, I don't blame him for his relationship with my mother. I understood what a vile despicable man can do when I watched videos of Catherine, held hostage by a monster while she was pregnant with Jacob. The truth is that I just hated Kardin because he separated me from my mother for a long time. I missed her. He didn't care and it hurt me.' The tears which had fallen during the music returned.

'You must ask him ma petite belle. Please let this darkness have its light. I would like to work with him if he is agreeable but not if it will hurt you or Holly.'

Aislyn who had fallen asleep on the drive over woke up and called out for her mother. Cathy went into the bedroom and looked into the eyes of her daughter. She knew immediately that the time was right to take the final part of her journey back. She bid goodbye to her grandmother and promised that as soon as arrangements could be made to meet up with Kardin, she would like to do so, in this space, where music had already opened many doors to her past and her future.