SEVENTEEN
Sunday, 11 October 2020; eighteen weeks
Not only were Ginny and Harry both up when she came downstairs the next morning, but they had breakfast almost ready. She had redressed in her clothes from the previous day and used her finger to scrub her teeth clean before freshening up. Her eyes still had that godawful stinging sensation that always happened after a long bout of crying and her body felt sluggish from having been dried out.
"You're practically glowing," Ginny said as she sat down at the island next to Harry.
"You're a shit liar, but I'll take it," she said, stealing Harry's glass of orange juice.
"Sure, you can have that," he mumbled as he got up to pour himself another one.
"You should probably look her in the eye when you talk to her," Ginny said, making Hermione choke on her first sip as Harry turned a violent shade of red.
"I wasn't-"
"You were," Ginny argued, a smirk on her face. "It's hard not to when they're so-"
"Guys!" Hermione snapped, folding her arms in front of her to hide her chest as much as possible. Harry made eye contact with her for a moment, both of them groaning and turning away immediately. "This is why I didn't move in here," she muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose.
"So you'd rather live with James?" she asked, her brow quirking. "I'm offended."
"I can't help how you feel, but I'm not moving again."
"This is just going to make him want grandkids," she said, pointing her spatula at Hermione. "It's bad enough my mother's always on my case, but-"
"Have you spoken to your parents about any of this?" Harry interrupted as he sat next to her again.
She shook her head, glad that Ginny took the hint and let her part of the conversation drop. "I probably should." It had been over two months since she'd moved out of her parents' house; since she'd spoken to them at all. Part of her felt bad, but part of her didn't since they hadn't reached out to her either.
"If you want, either one of us can come with you," he suggested.
She shook her head as she reached out for his hand to give him a gentle squeeze. "I'll go over there after breakfast. If it's alright with you guys though, I'd really like it if we don't talk about yesterday or the baby."
"Of course," Harry said, squeezing her hand back. "Whatever you need."
Just before she drove away, Hermione had checked her phone only to discover that it had died. Whether or not James had tried to reach out to her wasn't something the universe wanted her to know. Taking that as a sign, she took the familiar path from Harry and Ginny's house to her parents' neighborhood. Instead of going in right away, she sat in her car, waiting until she had gathered enough courage to go in and face them.
When she did go up to the front door, she paused, her hand resting on the knob. It felt strange to let herself in, but it would be just as weird if she knocked. Choosing to be polite about it, she knocked, stepping back afterwards as she waited for one of them to answer the door. It was her father on the other side and the moment he saw her, he pulled her into a tight embrace and called for her mother.
She was glad that their reunion was nothing like the emotional rollercoaster she had been put through the night before. They apologized for their behavior and for the fact that they hadn't reached out to her. She let it go; it wasn't as if she had reached out to them. When they asked her what she planned to do about everything, she told them about the adoption. Just as she had predicted, they weren't keen on the idea, but they more receptive to it than the idea of her having had an abortion.
She did not, however, tell them that the couple she had picked was gay. She was in no mood for that debate.
After the heavy discussions were out of the way, she asked her mother all the things she had wanted to since she found out she was pregnant. According to her, she had also been rather small when carrying Hermione. They compared their strangest cravings and spoke of a variety of other topics. By the time she was ready to leave later that afternoon, she had learned a great deal and felt much better about how her pregnancy was progressing.
"Have you learned the gender yet?" her mother asked as she stood to leave.
She shook her head. "The doctor said they'll check at my next ultrasound, but I don't know if I want to find out." Knowing whether or not it was a boy or a girl would make it feel more real and Hermione didn't want to get attached.
Her mother hummed in response as she laid a hesitant hand on her Hermione's stomach. "Have you felt them move?"
"No," she replied, the disappointment in her voice coming as a surprise. "I've read that it can happen anytime after fourteen weeks, but usually it's when you're further along." She tipped her head to the side. "When did you first feel me?"
She smiled as she thought about it, her hand caressing the swell of Hermione's stomach. "I think I was in the same spot you are now. Eighteen, maybe nineteen weeks? I'm sure you'll feel them soon."
"Mom," she breathed, waiting until their gazes met. "I know you want grandchildren, but I'm not in a good place to be raising a child right now. You know that, don't you? That me putting them into the care of another couple is for the best?"
"I'm sure your father would agree with me when I say we would be happy to raise them. Just until you're ready and-"
She stepped out of reach, the motion putting a stop to that sentence. "It's my decision, Mom. Not yours. Not Dad's. We might not see eye to eye when it comes to it, but that's okay. We don't have to agree on everything."
"Just think about it," her father said, finally reentering the room to see her off.
Not wanting to start another argument, she simply nodded and then hugged them both before going back out to her car. She was glad they didn't offer for her to move back in. So long as James didn't decide to throw her out when she went to talk to him next, she would be fine. With a deep breath, she pulled out of the driveway and headed to the place she was still hoping to call home at the end of the day.
Unlike when she had arrived at her parents' house, she didn't hesitate to go inside. No sooner did she close the door behind her did she hear the creak of the stairs at the end of the hall. They met near the landing, but eyeing each other with caution.
"I'm sorry."
They smiled nervously at one another when they realized they had spoken at the same time.
"I'm sorry," she repeated. "For running out on you like I did last night."
"At least I was awake this time."
Her lashes fluttered against her cheek for a moment before she stared at him. "I still stand by what I said. It was a mistake that night. One that we can't seem to stop making."
"What happened to taking it day by day?"
She shrugged, her nails digging into her palms to try and keep herself from crying again. "It's not working anymore, James." Her heart skipped a beat at the way his eyes darkened. "We can't keep sweeping our problems under a rug and hope we don't trip." Her voice wavered and she closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to spill.
"Hermione-"
"Say it's after the baby's born and we still find ourselves drawn to one another. How long do we wait before we tell people then? Do we continue to lie to them when they start to question the timing? When they start to realize that the child I gave up, the one I told them I didn't even know the father's name of, actually belonged to you?"
Her voice broke and she put her arms around herself, her palms rubbing at her biceps.
"There are only two options for us, James, and I can't see either of them working out. Either we tell everyone and risk losing them or we keep it a secret forever." She shook her head. "It's hard enough to hide it right now. I wouldn't be able to keep it going much longer. And when people find out-"
"You're not going to lose anyone, Hermione."
Her chin tilted up in challenge. "Just how do you imagine Harry reacting to the news that not only did we have a secret relationship, but I gave his half-sibling up for adoption without even telling him about it?"
James went still at that, his chest expanding at a much slower rate than before.
"You saw how Ron reacted," she said, her voice a bit lighter. "Harry is an amazing son to you and the best friend I could have ever asked for, but he will never forgive either of us if he finds out."
"So that's it for us then," he said. "We just end it here and now; walk away as though nothing ever happened?"
"Yes."
She saw in his eyes the moment his heart broke. It happened at the same time her own shattered in her chest. But where tears leaked from the corners of her eyes, he continued to stand there in a stoic manner. She could tell he wanted to push back; to tell her that she was making a mistake. That he didn't want that at all. But he just remained silent as he watched her cry.
"Would it be easier if I moved out?" she questioned, having asked that once before.
His jaw clenched before he spoke. "If you want to leave, Hermione, I'm not going to stop you." He paused to take a deep breath, his hand coming up to scrub at his face. "No matter what, you'll always be welcome to stay here for however long you need."
With that, he turned and began to ascend the stairs. Her entire body shook as she watched him go. He had only gotten halfway up when she called his name the first time, her hands coming up to splay across her stomach as she realized part of the movement she felt was coming from within. "James!" she called again, this time with more urgency than she intended.
He was standing in front of her again in an instant, his eyes searching hers with concern. "Is something-"
She grabbed his hand and placed it over her stomach as she felt it again. They both waited with bated breath and just when she started to doubt herself, it happened again. A smile broke out across her face as his expression softened. Soon, all four of their hands were on her stomach as they stood in front of the stairs, feeling the baby move within her.
When he leaned in, his forehead finding hers, she didn't pull away. Instead, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to enjoy his presence. Even when one of his hands found its way to her cheek and tilted her head up so his lips could brush over hers, she kept still. Not even when his whispered plea of, "Don't leave," nearly made her legs come out from under her.
In a soft whisper, she heard herself promise, "I won't."
They stayed there until the baby quieted down and they felt it move less and less. As much as she wanted to take back everything she had said, it wouldn't have changed the truth to any of it. And when they finally did move away from one another, it felt as though her heart was breaking all over again. It certainly was a cruel twist of fate that she felt more agony over ending something that had barely begun than when she had decided to end her marriage. That thought alone kept her up at night; right along with the one that wondered if she hadn't just alienated herself from the one person she shouldn't have.
A/N: I know you guys don't actually hate her (or me by extension)! I love you all!