Chapter 17

"I don't know what you want me to say.", Tom said curiously.

Mary rolled her eyes at her brother-in-law. She wasn't convinced that Tom really didn't know what Mary was asking about. "Well", she replied. "I think you could explain what you mean by having 'stayed there a little longer'. It seems quite mysterious to me."

Tom knew he had a choice. Either say that he and Isobel had a good time and they didn't notice how late it had gotten – or tell her the truth about what really happened. But he didn't want to say anything, not knowing how Isobel would feel about that.

"We lost track of time.", Tom explained. "When you have a good evening and just keep talking, well you don't really think about how late it might be. But if I say it like that, it leaves room for speculation and that leads to gossip and, well, I obviously don't want that." There. He didn't say what happened, but he didn't deny it either. It seemed like the best solution to Tom. Mary would have to decide what she wanted to do with the information she just got.

And Mary did exactly that. She gave Tom's words some thought. Of course she knew that Tom didn't tell her the full story – but it might as well be true that nothing intimate had happened between them. Mary didn't want to jump to a conclusion, she wanted to respect that Tom had decided to keep his privacy, as well as Isobel's, quiet and private.

"Alright.", she finally said. "I won't come up with any speculations. We can leave it at that. I just want you to know this: Whether anything did or didn't happen – it is not my place to know or, even less than that, judge. And I wouldn't do that anyway. Because this doesn't involve me. It is between Isobel and you."

Mary's words earned her a thankful smile from Tom. In that moment, he was more than happy to have found such a wonderful sister in Mary, whom he could trust and who trusted him. He knew they could tell each other everything and still would be as close as they were.

"It's interesting", Tom noted, "how you are very opinionated and give everything a lot of thought, often critical – but when it comes to people that are important to you, you rise above your love of speculating and having strong opinions and simply… accept the way things are."

Mary wasn't used to hearing someone say words that honest and kind. If people commented on her direct and open opinions, it was usually to reprimand her for them. And just like Tom, she felt very happy about the fact that they were so close. "Why thank you, Tom. I appreciate your kindness.", she said with a smile. "Now I want you to know, whatever you decide to do, and however much you decide to tell me, I will always support and never judge you."

"I'm glad."

"I don't know what you want me to say.", Isobel replied to Violet's question about her cheerfulness. "Isn't one allowed to be happy?"

Violet sighed. "Well, I'm not telling you that you shouldn't be happy. You deserve all the happiness you can get, Isobel. I suppose I have to get used to seeing you so cheerful. It seems as though you have been able to make friends with the world again."

"You see, the world takes and the world gives. I am still grieving over Matthew – I am actually not sure that feeling will ever fully go away – but I might as well make the most of this life while I am still living it. It's too short to be in constant worry about what life will bring, when I could just enjoy the time I have left in this life."

"You sound like Emily Dickinson.", Violet said with a hearty laugh. "She was all about 'not turning older with years but newer every day'. Your words remind me of that."

Isobel, who shared Violet's interest in literature, enjoyed the comparisons one tended to draw between something that has been said and something from a novel of a prestigious writer. "I am sure you prefer that over words that go more in the direction of Charlotte Smith, who wrote of finding 'little that soothes the mind', especially after outliving her children."

"Don't try to change the subject, Isobel." Violet felt like Isobel would rather discuss literature than the topic Violet was wanting to talk about.

"You are the one who started talking about literature!", Isobel exclaimed. "Now where were we?"

"I forget.", came the Dowager's response, over which the two friends shared a laugh, given that they realised their age seemed to get the better of them, as they both forgot how they had gotten to the subject of 19th Century literature.

"Oh, I believe, I wanted to know whether or not Tom had something to do with your happiness.", Violet finally remembered.

Those words brought Isobel back into the conversation. What would she say to Violet? Would she tell her? Would Violet even go so far and ask that specific question? Probably not, Isobel thought to herself, but then again Violet is not an easy book to read – she might surprise me. "I think I would be lying if I said Tom isn't part of the reason I am happy."

Violet gave Isobel a long, stern look.

"Are you not happy with that response?", Isobel wondered.

"No I am, I am. It's just… how is this going to continue? Will you devote yourself to this idea of being involved with Tom, romantically? Is that something you are considering?"

Isobel had to think about that for a moment. "Honestly, I don't know, Violet. I do know that there can't be a proper future in this, but a part of me just keeps wondering 'what if there could be?' And I know that is foolish. But I am not getting any younger – aren't I allowed to have another taste of what it's like to be with someone?"

"But is Tom the right person for that?", Violet wanted to know. "What if there is an Earl out there somewhere, who lost his wife and wants a companion to spend his autumn years with?"

"What, so I can be Lady something of an estate I don't want with a husband I don't need?" Isobel didn't necessarily take Violet seriously. Which Violet could partly understand, but being aristocratic herself she also didn't fully understand. Still, she tried to reason with her friend. "Isobel, had I told you two years ago that you would find yourself in a situation like the one you are in now – would you have believed me?"

"What is your point, Violet?"

"Well, you can never know what the future brings. And you said yourself you don't know where you and Tom stand or whether it could even work. You might be surprised what the future has in store for you."

That, of course, gave Isobel something to think about. Violet was right, the future was unpredictable and there would always be unforeseen things that happen to you. The question is do you just take every day as it comes? Do you prepare for the future? Can you prepare for the future? Between all these questions Isobel was now asking herself, hid a question that she knew in her heart she wanted to ask Violet. But Isobel didn't know whether she was prepared for the answer. But there was only one way to find out, so she knew, she had to ask.

"Violet… if you don't mind my asking.", Isobel started, "You talk about the future being unknown to us all – that it might bring something pleasant, yet unexpected. But the question I cannot get out of my head is: How would you react if I ended up deciding that I want my relationship with Tom to go in a direction that – well – might not be suitable for an Englishwoman of my of age and social standing, in the time that we live in."

Violet hadn't expected that question. For the past few weeks, she hadn't been sure what to make of Isobel's mysterious relationship with Tom, the former chauffeur of Downton and widower of Sybil. Was it something she could take seriously? Was the potential relationship something that the two of them were actually considering? Even though they knew it would be frowned upon in their social circles, meaning no one should find out?

"Are you implying that you have thought about… taking your dangerous little liaison to a level that is rather inappropriate? What would you do if people found out?" Violet didn't know if she should be outraged by Isobel's implications.

"But that's the thing exactly, I don't think anybody would have to know. There would never be an actual future in it, but for the moment being, why worry about what people might say, when those 'people' wouldn't know."

"Well, I would know!"

"And that, Violet, is what I am asking you.", Isobel wanted to finish this conversation since it seemed like Violet wasn't too keen on discussing that topic. "That is my question. If I told you that more had happened – more being something I dare not say out loud, but you and I both know what I mean – how would you feel about it?"

Violet, though not admitting that to Isobel, had been pondering that question for a while, trying to figure out how she would respond to it. So she had some sort of answer ready. "I think I would have to accept that it is none of my business."

"It would be an understatement to say I am surprised about your words.", Isobel said, not knowing if she'd heard Violet correctly. Had she really just said that it would be none of her business? Violet? The Dowager Countess of Grantham? Who always interfered with other peoples' businesses because she felt like she had the moral high ground and knew better.

"What can I say", Violet said, clearly amused at Isobel's surprised reaction, "I wouldn't want to be predictable, would I?" Before saying anything else, she took a deep breath. „Naturally, I don't believe it would be something I'd ever fully approve of – but you know, Isobel, we are not getting any younger, so do I really want to spend my time disagreeing with you about something that should be your decision and not mine?"

"Did you change your pills?", Isobel teased. "Where is the ever-disapproving matriarch of the Crawley family, ready to let me know I am risking my reputation among my peers? Asking me if that was worth it, for the sake of an inappropriate liaison that has gone to far?"

Those last words left Violet baffled. Had Isobel just admitted that something inappropriate already happened between her and Tom? Was it to be believed? A woman of Isobel's standing and age, to have an unmarried affair with a younger man, who used to work for the Crawley's before being part of the family… Violet didn't think it possible.

"My dear", Violet explained with a small smile, "up until now there was no reason for me to disapprove of anything, as I assumed it was all mere speculation. But now it seems you have given yourself away."

Isobel didn't say anything. Her words were rather clear. She had given her friend something to reprimand her for. "Goodness, I don't know what to say…", she said shyly, fearing Violet's next words.

"You don't have to say anything." That earned Violet a curious look from Isobel. "I shall forget you said anything. You are my friend, Isobel, and while I may tease you about many things and often find myself having to explain certain matters to you… this it not one of those times when I do that. This is a time to, oh I don't know, say that I hope your decision has made you happy."

"Violet, I truly and honestly appreciate that.", Isobel responded, not fully aware what she had just heard Violet Crawley say.

"Now, let us speak of something else.", Violet suggested, thinking it was time to change the subject. "Robert and Cora invited me for dinner this Friday, they said you were invited too."

"I am. Do you know who else is coming?"

"Well, Rosamund will come, she telephoned yesterday to say she will arrive here on Thursday." Violet explained. "Now, I believe that Lady Shackleton will join us, as well as young Rose… oh, and Mary invited Evelyn Napier. But that should be about it."

Isobel smiled. "Sounds like it could be a lovely evening!"

"I am sure it will be, as dinners at Downton usually are."

And Violet was right about that, dinners at Downton were generally merry affairs, but they also never seized to offer interesting topics for dinner conversation. But who knows what could be expected of the upcoming dinner?

END OF CHAPTER 17

Author's Note: What interesting chapter to write, I must say! It was difficult to figure out whether i wanted Mary and/or Violet to know what happened, but I believe I found a good solution, at least I am happy with it. Stay tuned for the next chapter, involving a dinner party and some gossip!

Also, thank you for your kind reviews, they really keep up the motivation!