DISCLAIMER: Characters of Veronica Mars, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline belong to Rob Thomas.
A/N:
Chapters 16 through 20 (plus Chapter 1 of Part 4 in this series) were all posted the SAME DAY.
Chapter 15 was posted a week earlier.
Click back if you need to.
[
CLARIFICATION: When I said NO character death, what I should have said was: There are no non-canon deaths (for example, Sheriff Lamb still dies). And that the twist that I mentioned is not connected to a character death.
[
Chapter 16 is a modified version of #3.12 "There's Got to Be a Morning After Pill," #3.13 "Postgame Mortem," and #3.14 "Mars, Bars."
Occurs in early to mid-February 2007.
Chapter 16
Avoidance was the new watchword. So, I took another new case the next week.
When Bonnie Capistrano sought me out for my services, I could tell that this case was different. But the twist at the end was completely unexpected. She had gotten pregnant – by either Tim Foyle or Dick Casablancas – and had a miscarriage when someone slipped her RU486. That someone turned out to be her longtime best friend, Phillise. The pregnancy may not have been intended, but in the end, it was wanted. Bonnie had made the choice to keep the baby, but Phillise had decided she knew what was "best" for her.
I watched as Bonnie's father tried to convince her to forgive Phillise, but I'm not sure their friendship will ever be the same.
[
[
For days after solving Bonnie's case, there was something I just couldn't shake. It was something her father had said. I'm not big on religion, and I don't hang out much with preachers, but if Reverend Capistrano is any indication, there are some decent people out there doing the Lord's work.
Here's what he said. (Not word for word, mind you. I'm paraphrasing a bit.) He encouraged his daughter to forgive, saying that anger will make you less of the person that you want to be. He quoted a scripture verse about being slow to anger. He said more that I don't remember verbatim; I just remember the sense of what he was trying to communicate to Bonnie.
What did I take away from it? Don't feed the anger, pain, and disappointment in your heart. By not feeding it, by not giving in to it, this will allow your heart to heal. It allows room for forgiveness and reconciliation.
I was definitely not there yet – in my life overall or in my current situation. My emotions were still too raw.
But Reverend Capistrano's words touched me deeply and made me want to be a better version of myself – someone who could let go of pain, let go of the past, and see the best in people.
I just wasn't sure that I had it in me to expend the energy necessary for that kind of personal growth right now.
And although I'm sure that as a minister of the Gospel, Reverend Capistrano would encourage me to put everything – myself and my circumstances – in God's hands, I didn't know if that was something I could ever do.
[
[
The bonus I got out of working Bonnie's case: While I was looking into Tim Foyle, I found out that he was conducting his own investigation of Dean O'Dell's death. On his office computer, I found info about an earwitness who heard a shot that night. If that could establish time of death, that would help us rule out some suspects based on their whereabouts at that time.
During that entire case, I had not seen Eli once. I had told him it was a busy week. I didn't tell him I had taken another case. Instead, I listed off the many other things I had going on, which included a meeting with my advisor.
Ms. Stickler had requested that I come to her office to "discuss some opportunities." She had sent an email, which was followed by a couple of voicemails and a second email. She was insistent.
I wasn't sure I was interested in whatever she was selling, but I agreed to meet with her because I could use any and all distractions right now. Distractions from the ache in my heart and the tape loop still playing in my head.
At the beginning of the meeting, she and I discussed how my first year was going and the likelihood that I would be offered the FBI internship this summer.
"Do you plan to continue in the criminology program?" Ms. Stickler asked.
"I'm not sure. The part that I enjoy the most is examining human behavior. That is, of course, part of the study of criminology, but I have learned so much in my psychology course and enjoyed it much more than I expected to. So, I'm considering possibly majoring in psychology."
"Does anything else interest you?"
After giving it some thought, I said, "I'd like to continue studying Spanish."
"As in a double major?"
I shrugged as I said, "Possibly."
"Hmm. Hold on a second … let me see if I can find …" She babbled as she dug through a stack of files. "Here it is." She explained that several opportunities for next year had come across her desk, which was why she had wanted to meet with me, as well as a few other "exceptional students" (her words, not mine).
Then, she proceeded to tell me about a study abroad program in Seville. "There is an alumna who has set up scholarships and grant funding for programs like this. She did a year abroad as an undergrad and wants to make sure that students have access to these opportunities, especially if they would not otherwise be able to afford it."
She told me to consider it and get back to her. The application deadline was March 1, so I had some time to consider my options.
At the moment, I was just thinking of it as a nice distraction. I wasn't seriously considering spending a year in Spain.
[
That evening, I got a call from Eli. I didn't answer it. And he didn't leave a voicemail.
He did, however, send a text: how did the meeting go today?
I was a bit surprised that he had been paying such close attention to my schedule this week. He had remembered that I was scheduled to meet with my advisor. The least I could do was answer his question.
My reply: Fine.
Wanna talk about it?
Not much to say. She told me about a study abroad program she thinks I should apply for.
And immediately, my phone rang again.
This time, I answered. He asked a few questions to get me started, and then, he just listened while I told him about the meeting and gave additional info from the application and program website. And I may have babbled a bit about the fact that it would be cool to get to travel, especially on someone else's dime.
Then he said some things that surprised me. He told me that I needed to take the opportunity. When I asked why he thought that, he said that he didn't want anything to ever hold me back from getting the most out of life.
His tone of voice and his words were supportive – on the surface, at least. But it felt like he was pushing me away again.
Was it because he wasn't happy that I was working cases again? Or because I'd been avoiding him?
Did he look at this as an easy escape hatch from the uncomfortable situation we found ourselves in … after he told me something I can't unhear and can't stop seeing play out in my head?
Before I could decide if I wanted to get into all that with him, one of his employees called to him, in need of his help. So, he had to get off the phone in a hurry.
He said he'd call me back. But he didn't.
I couldn't decide if I was disappointed or relieved by that.
[
[
Dad had asked me to help out on a case. Hearst's basketball coach, Tom Barry, had died, and his son was being accused of killing him. As we dug into the investigation, I found myself thinking about what I would do if I didn't have my dad.
One day, my emotions spilled over and I told him, "Don't get murdered, because I couldn't live without you."
He tried to calm my fears and then said, "Maybe you should let me handle this case by myself."
"You know that won't work. I only brood when I'm not doing anything."
[
My work on the Barry case gave me an excuse to spend some time with Wallace, and he was able to tell me quite a bit about the major players in this case.
As I was about to say goodbye and make plans to get together again soon, he cut me off with this question: "You okay?"
"Yeah. Totally. Why do you ask?"
"Just don't seem like yourself. Something's off. Like you're here … but you're not."
Damn. My best friend had some seriously accurate radar.
Rather than give him the real answer, I gave him a bit of truthful info that I hoped would satisfy him. "I had a meeting with my advisor. She told me about this program she thinks I should do."
After I gave him the basic details, his immediate follow-up question was: "How does Eli feel about the idea of you being halfway around the world for a year?"
"Actually … he thinks it sounds like an amazing opportunity and encouraged me to go for it."
"Really?!"
"Yeah."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Huh. So, are you out of sorts because you're trying to decide about going? Or because you're bothered by his reaction?"
"BFF, you ask good questions."
"This is you telling me that you don't want to talk about it?"
"Picked up on that?"
"Well ... if you change your mind ..."
"I'll be sure to let you know." But as I said that, I was thinking: Not bloody likely.
[
[
That same week, I went to the Neptune Grand to ask some questions about "Rory Finch." I was able to find out what movie Professor Landry and Mindy O'Dell had rented on the night of Dean O'Dell's murder.
When Dr. Landry asked to speak with me at the end of class one day, it gave me the perfect opportunity to check up on his alibi, to see if he had watched the movie that night. Apparently, he had.
But what he had wanted to talk to me about was the FBI internship application process, specifically to tell me that I made it to the second round and that Dean O'Dell had written a stellar recommendation letter for me just before he died. It looked like Cyrus O'Dell was an even better man than I thought.
That strengthened my resolve to honor him by putting his killer behind bars.
[
[
Recently, I had visited Coach Barry's son, Josh, in jail. He had looked at me with sad, puppy dog eyes and asked me to make him peanut butter cookies. The thing is … he had failed to mention to me that he's allergic to peanuts. Not long after I delivered his cookies and reading material, he had escaped from police custody on the way to the hospital. I was blissfully unaware of all that until Sheriff Lamb arrested me in the middle of Dr. Landry's lecture.
When Dad came to visit me in my holding cell, I told him that Josh's plan had been to take advantage of my kindness.
His response was: "That's got to be the first time that's worked for anybody."
He was probably right about that.
[
Not long after Dad left, Eli dropped by.
The primary reason for his visit was that he wanted to talk to me. Since I had been avoiding him, he decided to take advantage of the fact that I was currently a captive audience.
"Clearly, you're pissed at me—"
"I'm not pissed. I'm …"
"Well, you've been avoiding me … since you asked me … and I told you … what I told you."
I couldn't argue with that. And I was thankful he talked around the topic. I had no desire to discuss hookers and strippers. Except that I was still curious to know how he knew Wendy.
He interrupted my spiraling thoughts. "You know, if you dig deep enough, you're gonna find that everyone's a sinner. I could remind you to 'judge not,' but honestly, it's encouraging that someone still has such high expectations of me."
I remained silent as he paced back and forth, gathering his thoughts.
"Veronica, I can't change my past. I can only continue ... trying to improve my future. If that's not enough, if my past is a problem for you …" He shook his head and sighed in exasperation. "I don't know what else I can do … after everything I've done, everything we've been through together." He walked up to the bars as he said, "Really?! You've got nothing to say?"
"You're the one who wanted to talk. I ... I'm not quite ready yet." I didn't want to say anything that would get him more upset, make things worse. And I knew that if I started to talk, there was a distinct and dangerous possibility that every crazy thought in my head would fall out of my mouth.
My silence did not deter him from continuing. The one-sided discussion included his greatest hits: everything from "when you put yourself in danger, it provokes the old me" to "you deserve better than Neptune, better than me."
Since Lamb planned on holding me as long as he could, I had some time on my hands. Eli thought I should use that time to consider a few things, like the travel abroad opportunity being offered to me.
But his bottom line was this: "I think we need a break."
"A break?!"
He looked around the holding cell, which was more familiar to him than it was to me. "The way you've been avoiding me, we're pretty much on one anyway. Might as well make it official."
As he turned to leave, I boldly asked, "You mind doing me a favor, for old times' sake?"
He stopped with his hand on the doorknob. "Kinda." Then he looked over his shoulder at me. "What's the favor?"
"You'd actually be doing Mac a favor. Get my wireless card back from the deputy? I was taking it to her when I got arrested. She said she needed it for a thing tonight."
He had turned to face me as I spoke. When I was finished, he gave me a chin lift, and then he left.
And left me there to think about everything he'd said.
I wanted to shut my mind off. Normally, I would throw myself into work or school – or clean compulsively.
As I stared at the ceiling of my quiet jail cell, I had absolutely nothing to distract me from the many thoughts and images in my mind.
In addition to the recently looping thoughts of him in a strip club or with two hookers, memories popped up one by one. These thoughts only succeeded in adding to the feelings I'd been having.
Something had changed in the dynamic of our relationship back in the fall. Definitely by Halloween, maybe in mid-October. That was the first time we'd had sex since the break-up in the spring. Did something happen during that time?
He told me that he had gotten offers. He said he'd turned them down. But then he talked about getting me a sexy nurse costume and started having me act out his fantasies. Even asked me if I was sure I wanted to know what went on inside his head. At Christmas, he bought me lingerie and talked about me getting a tattoo. I can't remember when, but he told me about a dream he had of me handcuffed to a bed. Me in handcuffs is something he's clearly thought about. Because before we even got together, during the Tritons fiasco, he commented that he would have paid to see them take me out of Neptune High in cuffs.
My mind went to some really dark places while I sat there waiting to be released.
I had nothing but time. And a lot of questions and swirling thoughts.
More than once, I found myself despising my need to press people for answers. And to drag things out into the light, things that would be better left alone.
A/N:
In #3.12 "There's Got to Be a Morning After Pill," Reverend Capistrano quoted Proverbs 16:32.
WARNING: Bumpier road ahead.
.
~Jen
28 June 2020