"-and I thought maybe, physical pain was better than being angry and- and upset all the time so I… I made myself hurt. And… well, it was also because I felt like I deserved it, but I…"
Steven pressed his mouth into his hand, elbow propped up against the bottom of the van. Greg had opened the doors up so that he could sit inside, while Steven remained seated in the wheelchair, not about to hurt himself further by attempting to climb up with him. He curled his fingers into a fist against his mouth, breathing in shakily through his nose. "... I still do," he mumbled, closing his eyes for a moment. "But it's not like I just- just woke up one day and decided I wanted to kill myself, it- it's always been this way. Deep down. It really, really has. And… wanting to hurt myself was new," he added, somewhat hesitantly, "that did kinda come out of nowhere. At first it was just- just to calm myself down, but then it turned into… doing it just because I deserved it. And then- after everything it's like now I didn't even want to do it, but I needed to do it."
Greg was silent for a while, and Steven took the chance to gather his thoughts again. He breathed in and exhaled slowly, lightly stretching his fingers out again so that he could run them through his hair, brushing the curls back with a frown. Talking about it calmly was a little better than yelling, which he'd honestly intended to do more than anything, but even then, he couldn't even bring himself to want to scream now. At least, now, his father was actually listening to him. "Do you still… need to?" He asked suddenly, looking down at Steven.
Steven glanced up at him, then looked away again. Honestly, he didn't even know the answer to that anymore. On one hand, he was already in so much pain that he couldn't even fathom causing himself any more. But even then, at the same time, the stinging cuts on his back were nothing compared to what he was feeling. And he'd be lying if he hadn't thought of drowning the pain in his leg out with that, if he hadn't thought of carving himself to pieces for the hell of it. Even now, it was still there, in the back of his mind - but he didn't have the physical or emotional strength to follow through with the thoughts. That, and the numbness had left him lacking in guilt just enough so that he didn't feel like he had to. That there was nothing else to do. "I don't know," he finally mumbled, pressing his hand back over his mouth again and flicking his gaze around the parking lot with a frown. "I don't… feel like it anymore, but I- I also haven't been feeling as… as…" He gestured at nothing in particular with his free hand. "Guilty as I should. I haven't been feeling much of anything as I should." He closed his eyes again, shaking his head. "I've been thinking about it but I haven't… wanted to do anything."
"Gosh… kiddo…" Greg breathed out slowly, and Steven cracked an eye open to glance at him, watching as his father bent over and put his head in his hands. He almost felt bad for stressing him out like this - and he probably would have, if he wasn't so relieved that Greg was actually finally listening to him for the first time, finally realizing something was wrong here, finally focusing on what was going on now instead of the fact that things would get better eventually. He finally realized Steven didn't need corny jokes or weird advice or a road trip for self-discovery. He needed actual, genuine help - even if he didn't quite want the kind of help Greg was suggesting. It was still a start. It was still better than any other alternative.
"Yeah, I know," the teenager mumbled, turning his head a little to press his mouth a little harder into his hand with a sigh. "I'm really, really screwed up right now in a lotta different ways."
Greg didn't agree, but he didn't quite deny it either, only heaving out another quiet sigh.
Steven fell silent, finally moving his fist away from his mouth and looking up toward the sky. He could finally see Lapis again; she had perched on top of the car wash, on the other side, looking out over the city and toward Little Homeworld. He followed her gaze only for a second; the giant, towering buildings were hard to miss, once again sticking out where everything else fit so perfectly. Regret churned in his gut, settling heavy in the pit of his stomach. He made no attempt to console himself, to lie and say that Little Homeworld and Beach City fit together. The truth was that they just didn't. It didn't feel the same. Nothing felt the same anymore. But he also wasn't sure if it was just him, or if they really weren't meant to be mashed together.
The hybrid muttered a quiet curse under his breath, slipping into Gem Glyph once again. Greg spared him an odd glance, but he didn't say anything, only shifted slightly where he sat and let his legs hang down over the side of the van, swinging them back and forth. Steven watched for a moment before looking away once again, tilting his head to look back up at the sky.
"... Steven?" Greg spoke suddenly, his voice a little quieter than before, soft, as if he was afraid anyone else might be around to hear. Steven flicked his gaze in Lapis's direction somewhat instinctively, unable to help but tense up slightly; the hushed tone, the caution, it was still enough to kick his reflexes into action, even though it had been a while - Bluebird was the last one, right? That had been long enough - since he had been put into any life-threatening danger, since he'd had to fight for either himself, his planet, or his family. As he surveyed the area, consoling himself with the reminder that they were okay, Greg continued on, still cautiously, "what you said… about White… and your gem…"
Oh. Steven's hand twitched down to his stomach, body registering the words before his mind had time to. His gaze snapped back up to his father, watching Greg's eyes follow the protective movement, an instinctive reaction to shield his gem that he couldn't seem to shake, even now. He watched the pain, grief and guilt swallow his father whole and spit him right back out, face spasming slightly with every little realization, every little puzzle piece he was clicking together.
"What happened-?" His father swallowed, and Steven couldn't suppress a shudder in time, the feeling of knives made of ice ripping down his back. His grip tightened, fingers circling around his gem through the fabric of the shirt he was wearing, as he reminded himself to just breathe. He wasn't expecting to be outright asked about it; he thought, at the very least, Greg wouldn't say anything else, because he must not have known what to say. He hadn't said anything then, when Steven had mentioned it. He hadn't been expecting it to come up. "The gems didn't tell…"
"The gems don't know," Steven said quietly, not looking at Greg now at all. "White was controlling them when it happened. They don't remember…" His mouth went dry for a second, remembering the moment he'd realized they didn't know what had happened. A part of him had almost hoped that they might have - but later, when they asked him what happened between him and White after they had been zapped, he realized they had no idea (which, looking back now, made him realize he probably should have known Volleyball didn't remember being under White's control, either). But Connie had been there. They hadn't talked about the incident. Maybe it had been because too much was going on at the time; maybe Connie knew he hadn't wanted to talk about it; maybe she didn't want to talk about it, either. But once he had realized the gems didn't remember, he had decided, then and there, they didn't need to know. It would only complicate things; it would only undo all of the progress he had made with the Diamonds.
"You didn't tell them?" Greg whispered, and Steven shook his head a little, rubbing his other hand against the side of his face. "Steven, that's-"
"I know," Steven interrupted, still not looking up. "I know." He ran his tongue over his lips, mouth still dry, heart pounding a little faster, stomach twisting with the familiar, nauseous sense of dread and terror that he had long gotten used to when he thought of her, and that. He was used to feeling this kind of fear when it came to White. Used to feeling this helplessness, this confusion, this pain, this anger, this resentment. "It's just… after it happened…" He sucked in a breath through his teeth, shaking his head slightly. "Wh- When they told me they didn't remember, I thought maybe it was a good thing. They didn't need to worry about it, then. It was already hard enough trying to help the Diamonds as it was, and the gems probably wouldn't have let me stay on Homeworld to help them. I just… wanted to be able to help." He lowered his voice a little, rubbing the side of his face again. "So maybe they wouldn't hurt anybody else."
"But you were hurt." Greg's voice was shaking again; Steven grimaced, pulling his shoulders up to his ears and turning his head away, covering his entire face with his hand now as his father continued, "badly hurt- Steven- your gem… that's not something you should…"
"What was I supposed to do, Dad?" Steven pulled his hand away from his face, finally looking up at his father. His eyes felt hot, stinging with tears, and he blinked rapidly despite the fact that despite the pain, they were completely dry regardless, no tears accompanying the feeling at all. "It's always been me, me up against gems that wanna destroy Earth, and destroy my friends and my family and everything I've ever known and everyone I've ever loved for something that has nothing to do with me and that I never even did-" His voice broke slightly, but he swallowed and forced himself to continue. "I didn't have time to deal with what happened back then. I didn't have time to sit down with the gems and tell them that White-" The teenager stopped, turning his head to press his face into his hand again. "... and I was scared. I didn't want her to hurt anyone else, but I also- I also didn't want her to hurt me again either. I didn't know what else to do so I- I just didn't do anything." He sucked in a shaky breath, closing his eyes. "So I just- I just- just sucked it up and dealt with it until I could come back home. I thought once I did, it would finally be over and everyone would be happy…" He trailed off. "... but it was different."
Greg was silent again, just listening; Steven lifted his hand, rubbing his fist into his eyes, since a few tears finally had gathered to the surface. "I couldn't do anything." He covered one of his eyes, finally cracking the other one open, despite the way it throbbed in protest from how hard he had just rubbed it. "I couldn't even speak. She grabbed me, and picked me up and I- I couldn't even- I couldn't- I couldn't get away. I couldn't stop her or- or talk to her or anything." His lower jaw trembled slightly, despite his best efforts to hold himself steady. Thinking about that day would always have the same effect on him, he noted somewhat numbly. He'd never forget how horrible it was. How helpless he had felt. "I think it was the first time I've ever really been scared of anybody," he whispered, curling his hand into a fist against his mouth again. "I've faced gems that wanted to kill me before, but sh- she… she wasn't even trying to kill me. She was trying to get Mom to come out. She thought that I- I was still her but trapped…"
He gripped his stomach a little tighter, once again thinking back to his brother, his pink twin, bound by chains. But he managed to shake the thought off for the time being as his father breathed in a little too sharply, holding his breath. Steven glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, struggling to keep his voice from trembling as he continued, "she wouldn't even listen to me. She didn't even stop. Even the other gems I've faced, I've either managed to subdue or- or distract or at least make them stop and think for even a second. I've even had to fight," he added somewhat desperately, looking up at the sky for a moment. "Even if I didn't want to. But I couldn't fight then- I- I couldn't talk, I couldn't fight, I couldn't do anything. She was too big, and- and too strong and I was literally… literally nothing. She could have crushed me if she wanted to. She could've killed me." He screwed his eyes shut, ducking his head. "She almost did. And she was just- just smiling when she did it. And it hurt-" A choked sob broke through his lips.
The sound surprised him, not realizing he'd worked himself up so much. He pressed his fist a little harder into his mouth, a half-hearted attempt to silence himself, feeling the van shift from where his elbow was still pressed against it as his father scooted toward him. He managed to steel himself enough to not jerk away or flinch back by the time he felt a hand on his shoulder, but he still couldn't stifle a shiver. He shook his head a little at Greg, covering his face again with another quiet, hitching sob. "I- I- I don't- I c- I don't wanna ta- talk a- about this anymore."
"Steven," Greg mumbled, rubbing his shoulder gently. "I know… it's okay. I'm glad you're talking to me about this, buddy." His voice shook again, but he seemed to be having an easier time keeping himself together than Steven was. The hybrid swallowed, but it did nothing against the lump forming in his throat. If anything, it only managed to push more tears to his eyes. "I'm glad you're talking about it at all… have you told anybody?"
It took a moment for Steven to calm himself down enough to speak, at least comforted by the fact that they weren't directly discussing what had happened now. "I… I acc- accidentally let it sl- slip to some of Connie's friends when we were out skating," he breathed out shakily, pulling his hand away from his face for a second. "But- But they didn't really react to it much. I- I guess they di- didn't know much about gem stuff or anything, they- they just seemed confused."
"Did you tell Connie?" Greg asked cautiously, looking down at him. Steven didn't respond immediately, taking the chance to rub his eyes again to clear away the tears that still hadn't quite spilled. His father didn't lift his hand from his shoulder, and Steven didn't move away. The touch wasn't quite comforting, but at the very least, it didn't make him feel any worse, either.
"She was there," he finally replied, dropping his hand to his stomach and pressing it over the other one. "When it happened… she was there. She- she was the one that helped me get my gem back after. But we haven't talked about it." His voice quieted a little, watching Greg's expression shift to one of grim understanding, concern practically raging through his eyes. "It… it was bad, Dad. I- I didn't want to talk about it and- and I'm sure she didn't, either. So we both kinda just- just acted like it didn't happen and moved on." He glanced away, remembering how helpless he had felt, even in her arms, how shaken he had still been, how wrong it felt to be held after he had just been pinned, trapped, held down against his will, no control over his movements. And it had continued to feel like that, until he had finally gotten back to…
His vice-like grip on his gem loosened a little, closing his eyes for a moment. He had felt so relieved, so happy to be back with his gem half. He hadn't known then that they had been two separate people, that they were different, that they were brothers. All he had known that he had only finally felt safe once he had been in his pink twin's arms again. He'd known then that he had kind of been a 'fusion' - but he hadn't quite realized the two halves that made him whole weren't exactly the same yet. Still, thinking about it now, lost in the memories of the emotions and the thoughts that had gone through his head that day, it was still so… vivid, so fresh.
He wondered if he'd ever feel that way again.
The hybrid heaved out a quiet sigh, blinking his eyes open and looking down. His hands were still pressed over his stomach, right where his gem was; if he concentrated enough, he could feel the pressure he was applying. His gem almost ached slightly in protest to it, somehow still as sensitive as it had been since that day, and it was enough to allow him to let up on the pressure for a moment, breathing out another shaky sigh through his teeth and looking back up. Greg had long fallen silent now, staring at Steven's hands silently, looking lost in his thoughts.
He clenched his fist around his gem again, unsurprised by the anxiety and panic that flared up in his chest as he did so, remembering how he had considered just ripping the damn thing out himself and being done with it forever. He hadn't been able to do it then, and he knew he wasn't going to be able to do it now, and he wasn't even going to think about whether or not he still wanted to - because of course he knew the answer. Of course he knew he was still exhausted, and that he'd take any way out of the pain at this point, whether it was death or otherwise. But he'd already tried the first option, and it hadn't exactly worked out for him - so, Plan B.
And if it doesn't work…? His thoughts pressed, stirring the gentle flow of the tides his mind had slowed to. Will I be ready to do what needs to be done then? Will I be able to?
"I'm sorry you had to go through all that, Steven," his father said suddenly, effectively snapping the teenager out of his thoughts. He looked back up at Greg, tightening his grip on his gem somewhat subconsciously, but Greg's gaze had flicked back up to him. He looked somewhat exhausted, his expression a mixture of guilt and pain. And he had to admit, it was refreshing.
He fell silent for a moment, not really knowing what to say. He didn't want to talk about the subject of White Diamond, and what happened in her head. He didn't want to talk about his gem being pulled out. He didn't want to talk about how it had felt, how it hurt, and how scared he was; he'd already said enough, he thought numbly, to give him nightmares the next time he slept - as long as he didn't dream of his pink brother again, but he wasn't even sure how that worked, anyway, or if either of them could really control it. But that brought up another train of thought entirely; his focus shifted completely from White, fixating on his pink twin instead.
Steven lifted his hands, clasping one of them over the wrist of the other. They both still ached; his knuckles were still cut, scabbed over and no longer bleeding, but definitely wounded. The other one simply throbbed at the lightest touch, faint but not faint enough for him to ignore it now that he was focusing on it. He wondered if his brother's hands hurt, too - he wondered if the bubbles encasing his hands cut him, if he was even capable of scarring like a human at all. If he was even capable of feeling physical pain. And, like he had then, in his dreams, he felt the guilt hit him head on. Maybe he didn't know then, but he knew now - so why couldn't he fix it now? Why was he still trapped in there?
"Hey." Greg's hand squeezed his shoulder, once again tearing him out of his thoughts, but he only acknowledged his father with a quiet hum, not looking up. "What're you thinking about?"
Steven didn't respond for a moment, stifling a sigh. He rubbed his wrist, trailing his fingers up to his knuckles and pressing them down over the scars slightly. It hurt, not enough to take away from the pain still tingling in his lower back, or the numb but somehow painful sensation in his leg, but that wasn't the intention anyway. He stopped before he could pick the scabs, before he could make the injury worse than it was. The pain didn't do anything to benefit him. It was just there. And somehow it made him want to press down even harder - but he didn't. "My brother." The word still felt weird on his tongue, yet… unnaturally natural to say.
He felt Greg's stare, felt the confusion and surprise radiating from him, but either his father was speechless, or he was simply waiting for Steven to continue, because he didn't say anything. So, managing to tear his hands away from each other, the hybrid once again rested his elbow on the bottom of the inside of the van, leaning his head against his hand and letting the other one settle back over his stomach, covering his gem. "After… it happened… someone formed from my gem. It wasn't me- I thought it was, but like… a weird pink gem version of me. But apparently we're not really the same and we're kind of a fusion," he muttered. "Just, not really because we're sharing the same gem. But we were made together. So we're… brothers, sorta."
"... well that's…" Greg trailed off, and Steven spared a glance up at him, more or less just to study the confusion written across his face. It was somewhat amusing, watching his father's mouth open and close, words forming but failing him at the last second. Despite himself, the teenager couldn't help but crack a tired smile, lips tugging upwards for only a split second.
"Weird? I know," he mumbled his agreement, rubbing his hand over his face briefly before settling his chin in the palm of his hand, blowing his curls away from his forehead. They fell back against his face almost immediately - and he grimaced slightly - but he didn't do anything else to brush them back himself. Greg shifted slightly where he sat, finally lifting his hand from the hybrid's shoulder and leaning back with a sigh, moving his arms behind him to prop himself up.
"I was gonna say different," his father corrected, pursing his lips. Steven just let out a quiet hum, supposing that also worked, but it wasn't like he was entirely wrong, either. It was weird. And, different, obviously, but both words worked especially well for this situation, so neither of them were completely off here. He curled his fingers against his mouth, jerking his head up to throw his hair back out of his face, but, once again, the curls bounced right back into their place. "Sorry, kiddo. It's just not every day you find something like this out," Greg chuckled, then furrowed his eyebrows slightly, looking down at Steven. "How'd you even figure this out?"
"I keep seeing him in my dreams." Steven flicked his gaze away, grimacing slightly. A part of him didn't even want to tell Greg about the chains, and how his brother was locked away and Steven couldn't figure out how to get him out. It was just more gem stuff, stuff he didn't think Greg would be able to completely understand. But, then again, he knew Garnet longer than Steven knew either of them - maybe she had explained some things about fusion. "He's kind of… trapped. Kinda like when Jasper and Lapis were Malachite." He lowered his voice, flicking his gaze back toward the car wash, where the blue gem was still sitting, staring out at Little Homeworld as calmly as ever. He shifted a little, wincing slightly as he did so, and pressed his mouth into a firm line as he looked away again. "Except, I'm not really trying to keep him trapped- not anymore. Not that I- not that I was trying to, not really, before, it's just- I thought he was me, and I don't exactly have a great relationship with me at the moment-" He managed to huff out a laugh, despite knowing the situation wasn't anywhere close to being remotely funny. "And… yeah."
Greg fell silent for a moment, seemingly just letting himself process that, and Steven leaned back a little with a sigh. He rubbed his hand over his face, not saying anything, himself, for a while, before finally looking back up with a shrug. "But, it's… he's figuring it out. And he won't let me help-" He allowed a faintly irritated look to flit across his face, because this, this, he wouldn't exactly mind helping with. This was his mistake, he needed to fix it. "But if he says he can do it then I guess I'm just gonna have to see," he muttered after a moment, narrowing his eyes.
"Yeah…" Greg paused, twisting his mouth slightly. "... what's he like?"
Steven spared him a glance, then looked away again, furrowing his eyebrows slightly. "I don't know. We've only met a few times. Back on Homeworld, he…" He trailed off, furrowing his eyebrows thoughtfully. "He was… he didn't seem 'like' anything. He screamed at White, and- he almost hurt the gems, and at first I thought maybe it was just because he could, but now I think it might be a more protective kind of thing. He's a lot calmer now," he added quietly, closing his eyes for a moment. "But I still can't really figure him out. He seems nice enough. And just talking to him, it's like- it's not like it is with anyone else. It's calmer, and it's… clearer? And it's different, but- it's kinda nice, too. I just don't know what to think. Or how to feel, for that matter."
"You don't have to know right away."
Steven couldn't help but snort at that, rolling his eyes despite himself. "You know what, that's exactly what he said," he muttered, not knowing whether to feel amused by that or not.
"Sounds like he gives good advice," Greg teased lightly, and Steven only shrugged. It wasn't entirely wrong, his pink brother did give good advice. Everything about him was just so calm, so quiet. It gave Steven the chance to stop and think about what he was doing, what he was saying, what he was feeling. It gave him the clarity he needed, even though it didn't last as long as he would have liked. Maybe it didn't give him the time to figure everything out, but it was relaxing regardless, and honestly, he needed that just as much.
"I'll tell you this," the hybrid sighed after a moment, "he's gonna be really happy that you're making me go to therapy, because I'm pretty sure he suggested it once." He wrinkled his nose slightly, narrowing his eyes at the memory of his brother telling him he needed help. At first, he had just assumed that he had meant because he was injured, but now he wasn't entirely sure that was the case. And, of course, there were the doctors after that, suggesting therapy…
Yeah, his pink clone oughta be jumping for joy right now.
Despite himself, Steven couldn't help but roll his eyes, but even so, he still knew it was his best option regardless. "So how does the whole therapy thing work?" He asked after a moment.
"Well, first we need a therapist… so I'm gonna have to call Dr. Maheswaran," Greg replied thoughtfully, leaning slightly to the side to pull his phone out of his pocket. Steven watched him, furrowing his eyebrows slightly. "She said she had a few recommendations." The hybrid didn't respond, just stared at the phone. He wondered if Priyanka would say anything to Connie; Steven hadn't had the chance to explain anything to her. And honestly, he was dreading that conversation more than he had dreaded it with the gems, or even with Greg. He covered his mouth with his fist, gritting his teeth slightly as he stared. He wasn't ready… he wasn't ready.
"Hey…" Steven began quietly, his voice muffled slightly by his hand; he pulled it down a little, not completely removing it from his mouth, as Greg looked back over at him. "I don't… Maybe- Maybe we don't actually have to do this. I can be better-"
"Steven," Greg insisted, somehow firm and yet gentle in a way that once again reminded him of his brother. The hybrid grimaced, looking up at his father as he continued, "this isn't a punishment. It's not because of you- I mean, it is, but it isn't. This is something you need. Something that might be able to help you get better. So, yes, we do have to do this. You had to do this, and you're doing it, okay?" He reached out to ruffle Steven's hair, but the teenager ducked away before he could do too much damage. Not out of spite, or hostility, just because the touch made his spine tingle, cold spreading through his veins and making him shiver. His father sighed, pulling his hand back. "... it's gonna be okay, kiddo. But this is happening."
Steven didn't reply for a moment, pressing his hand over his mouth again and watching Greg as he put the phone to his ear, leaning back with a sigh. And he continued to stare, anxiety and dread swirling in his chest, circling each other in their endless dance. His heart dropped, more than once; sinking, then rising, only to sink once again, like it couldn't decide whether to drown or float. Every part of him hurt from the inside out, and he couldn't do anything about it.
He bit the tip of his tongue lightly, speaking up again in a whisper, "do I have to do it today?"
Greg opened his mouth to respond, but Priyanka must have answered the phone, because he only shook his head quickly at Steven before he turned away. "Dr. Maheswaran, this is Greg," he greeted, nervous but cheerful regardless. Steven wasn't sure whether to take his wordless answer as a confirmation or a 'hold on', so he only continued to stare anxiously as his father rubbed the back of his neck. "How are you? … ah, sorry, I- I didn't mean to interrupt anything-"
Well, at least Steven knew where he got his social awkwardness from. It was kind of comforting, this, along with the knowledge that Greg actually had practice with other humans. Maybe it was a normal thing. He shifted slightly, growing more and more uncomfortable with pretty much everything; the situation, the phone call (and he wasn't even the one talking), and his current position. Not that he could do much about that, but his back was currently killing him right then and he wanted absolutely nothing more than to lay down somewhere and curl up into a ball.
He mumbled a quiet curse in Gem Glyph at the same time Greg continued, "look, but it's about Steven… I was just wondering… that whole therapy thing you mentioned before…" His father bit his lower lip, before the anxious look on his face abruptly smoothed out, dissolving into relief. Steven put his head in his hand again and grimaced, watching silently. "Well, he's-" Greg spared him a glance, the relief fizzling out slightly. "He's… home. We just finished talking… okay. Yeah, that's great- I'll wait." His father pulled the phone away from his ear, letting out a long, unsteady sigh, then turned back to Steven. "No, you won't have to do it today. As soon as possible, but…"
Steven relaxed, covering his face with one hand and heaving out a sigh. "Okay. Okay. Then I'm gonna get Lapis to take me back to the house," he breathed, rubbing his hand over his face.
"What- well, hold on, don't you wanna talk to the therapist? Priyanka's about to-"
"We'll have plenty of time to get to know each other, won't we?" Steven muttered, shaking his head a little. "I'll have plenty of time to talk to them, that's kinda the point." He reached down to grab the wheels of the chair again, while Greg just watched, eyebrows furrowing faintly. Steven spared another half-hearted glance up, faintly surprised to see suspicion and skepticism, of all things, written across his face. "... what? I'm not gonna do anything. The gems are there," he insisted, rubbing his eyes. They itched, and they only itched more in protest at the contact. "Nobody's gonna wanna leave me alone, I'm sure, and I can't exactly go anywhere like this. It's not like I can ask Lapis 'hey, wanna carry me across the city so I can run from my problems?'."
Greg opened his mouth slightly, as if to object, but the only thing that came out was a low, strained sigh. But he smiled anyway; the corners of his mouth lifted, even though it didn't quite reach his eyes, as he reached out to clasp a hand over Steven's shoulder. The hybrid let him, this time, more so for Greg's sake than his own. "If you say so. But I'm coming by later."
"Do what you want." Steven rolled the wheelchair back, craning his head toward the car wash and opening his mouth to call out for Lapis.
"I'm glad you talked to me, Steven."
The hybrid glanced over at his father, holding his gaze for a moment before looking away again. He cleared his throat and breathed in, raising his voice as much as possible - well, as much as possible without possibly shattering the windows of the car wash in the process - as he called out to the blue gem. "Lapis-!"
Lapis reacted instantly enough, spreading her wings and swooping down to them immediately. Greg waved at her as she landed, but he turned back to the phone quickly enough, pushing himself a little further into the van as he started talking again. Steven stared for a moment, then turned his gaze back to Lapis, only offering a shrug at the bewildered look on her face. "Can you take me back home?" He rubbed his eyes again, slightly irritated by the itch now.
"Sure." Lapis walked over, frowning down at the chair for a moment. "What… happened to the arms?" She questioned, leaning down after a few seconds and wrapping her hands around the wheels instead. Steven grimaced slightly, looking over to where he had discarded the broken arms of the chair, and offered another half-sheepish, half-indifferent shrug in response.
"They were broken anyway." He looked down at the van as Lapis lifted them up, calling and waving a quick goodbye to his father as the blue gem carried him off.
He leaned back in the seat, wincing slightly as he did so. Now it wasn't just his lower back that was hurting; he wasn't entirely sure why, but the cuts were stinging now, the tingling pain almost managing to override the pain at the base of his spine, and the numb sensation running down his right leg. He frowned down at the cast, narrowing his eyes slightly in confusion, but looked back up quickly enough when Lapis spoke up. "Sooo… how did it go with your dad?"
Steven didn't respond immediately, glancing back down. The car wash was long behind them by now, and he wasn't about to hurt himself by turning around to look, so he simply fixed his gaze on the ground beneath them as it sped by. All things considered, it had gone pretty well.
"Better than I expected," he finally responded, closing his eyes briefly. "I'm getting a therapist."