Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephanie Myer.
Hope you enjoy.
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"Are you ready?" Carlisle gave her hand a comforting squeeze as they hovered outside the house. Despite the fact both of them would have been more than happy to remain on top of the mountain for many more hours, they had come back to face the reactions of their friends.
Esme bit her lower lip, but nodded. "We'll have to face them eventually." She reasoned.
Offering her a reassuring smile, Carlisle opened the door of the house to find six vampires waiting with them with expecting golden eyes.
Carmen let out a happy squeal as she saw their joined hands, her own clapping together in delight. "Well, it's about time!"
"Congratulations," Eleazar patted Carlisle's shoulder fondly.
Edward stepped forward to greet them, and both Carlisle and Esme waited with unease. Edward's opinion was vital for them, for they would hate to make him feel uncomfortable. But, the young vampire gave them a rare smile that touched his eyes, showing his sincerity.
"I'm very happy for both of you." He told them warmly.
Relieved, Esme couldn't stop herself from letting go of Carlisle's hands in order to wrap her arms around Edward. She had never hugged him before, and for a brief second, she feared he would shrug her off. But, much to her surprise - and everyone's, for that matter - Edward simply embraced her.
Thank you, Edward. Carlisle thought, as the sight of the two most important people in his life showing their closeness warmed him with pride. Your blessing is very important to us.
Edward met his gaze and dipped his head before he and Esme stepped away from each other.
Even Irina congratulated them, and it was neither a forced blessing or a sarcastic comment. For the first time, Esme's clear mind allowed her to see that the blonde really hadn't had any feelings for Carlisle; just an attraction, which she certainly could not be blamed for.
As they stood with their friends, it was hard for Carlisle to remember a time where he hadn't felt comfortable enough to stand with his arm against hers, with their bodies touching without either of them stepping away and averting their eyes. It seemed so normal to him now.
It wasn't long until Esme and Carlisle retreated up to one of the guest bedrooms. As much as they wanted to spend time with their friends, both of them needed the privacy.
"They took that very well - especially Edward." Carlisle commented as he shut the door behind them. "Something tells me they've known for a while. I'm sure Edward will tease me for the rest of eternity now about not being brave enough to tell you how I felt."
Esme gave him a reassuring smile. "I'm just glad you finally did, because I was holding my own tongue for far too long." She sat down on the comfortable mattress, wishing she could lie backwards and rest. With a shy smile, she patted the space beside her.
Carlisle came to join her, relishing in the knowledge that now, if he wanted to, he could take her hand in his and lay a kiss on it. But, he did not wish to rush things, and what they had between them was so pure that he would hate to overstep. Esme was still haunted by how Charles had treated her, and Carlisle would never rush her.
I will spend the rest of eternity trying to prove to her just how wonderful she is. Carlisle vowed to himself.
"Carlisle, we need to discuss a few things - before anything else goes forward." Esme reminded him.
Carlisle nodded. "Of course," He said, dipping his head to her. "Please, you start."
Esme's hands were together in his lap, her fingers fiddling. "Before everything happened, you said you were planning on moving on from here. Do you still wish to do so?"
Carlisle wanted to - especially now that his and Esme's story had taken this new turn, but he would not do anything without knowing Esme and Edward wanted the same thing. "Well, I think a new beginning in a new town will do us all some good. I haven't thought of where yet, nor have I had a chance to speak with Edward. But, yes, I'd like to go somewhere new. I love it here, but this is the Denalis. I want somewhere of our own again."
Somewhere of our own, Esme adored that idea. "I'd like that very much." She told him. "Your friends have been wonderful, but I agree - it's time for a new beginning."
Carlisle smiled at this. "Let me speak to Edward, although I can't see him being reluctant to move on from here. What else is it you wish to discuss?"
"Well…" She looked down, but gentle fingers moved under her chin and lifted her face up so she was looking at him again. "It's just...I know you say vampires usually have mates…" Her nose scrunched up at the word. "But...I just don't like that term. I was wondering - when I'm ready - how will you introduce me to colleagues and acquaintances?"
His smile was soft as he answered. "I will introduce you as the woman who holds my heart." He told her. "And, I would do so with so much pride, Esme."
He's too wonderful, Esme thought.
"But," Carlisle went on. "I am aware that we have done this all sort of backwards, it would seem. I may be old fashioned, but I was always taught that a man should court a woman and show his devotion before he should consider himself good enough to kiss her and tell her that he loves her. I would hate for you to feel like I have not done enough, Esme, to win your affections."
She protested immediately, her hand grabbing his. Remembering her new born strength, she made sure her grip wasn't crushing. "Carlisle, you have done more than enough! You have showed me such incredible kindness, and it is your compassionate and selfless nature that I fell in love with. I do not care that you have not showered me with compliments and flowers and love letters. I have been in love with you for a long time, and never expected you would ever return my feelings - let alone entertain thoughts of you courting me. Please, do not think I expect you to-""
"But, I want to, Esme." Carlisle reassured her, and a part of him knew that he had to, for his own peace of mind. She deserved to be treated with respect and complete devotion, and he would not deny her of that.
In that moment, he knew he would never be able to deny her anything.
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There had always been a dull ache whenever Carlisle had had to leave for work before, but now that ache seemed different. Now that they had admitted their feelings out loud to one another, Esme found herself constantly glancing at the clock as she waited for Carlisle to return.
"He often visits the locals when he stays with us." Carmen told her from where she was sat on the couch with Eleazar, who was deeply engrossed in a book. "He finds them and their medicines fascinating."
"How long does he tend to stay there?" Esme asked, praying that her tone didn't betray just how impatient she was feeling. What was wrong with her?
Carmen shrugged her shoulders, leaning back against the soft pillows. "He's never stayed longer than a few hours. Once, he stayed over for a few nights, but I think he found it hard to politely eat their food."
"Eat their food?" Esme repeated in mild shock.
The brunette nodded. "Vampires eat human food to keep up appearances - with a great deal of effort. However, it does not agree with us. It feels heavy in your stomach and tastes foul. Unfortunately, Carlisle can not always get out of eating it. It helps them accept him, and therefore they share knowledge with him."
"It took him a long time to get them comfortable enough around him to trust him." Eleazar added, not looking up from his book.
Esme smiled as she pictured Carlisle trying to keep his manners by accepting the food offered to him, and also the disgust on his face as he chewed it. The thought made her miss him.
Carmen had picked up on Esme's change of mood. "Esme, if you continue to pace, you'll burn a hole straight through the wooden flooring."
"Sorry," Esme stopped instantly, remaining by the window as she looked across the snowy landscape, to the large mountain that towered over everything.
"You miss him. It's understandable." Carmen commented, sharing an affectionate glance with Eleazar. "Even when decades have passed, you'll still miss him when he's not stood beside you. Vampires feel emotions a lot stronger than humans, and mated vampires never fall out of love."
Although the thought of spending eternity with Carlisle warmed her and excited her, she couldn't help but feel a little nervous about it as well. As hard as she had tried; she had never loved Charles, yet she knew that the love she felt for Carlisle was completely unbreakable.
"Where is Edward?" Esme asked, wanting to distract herself from thoughts of Carlisle. She tried her best to remind herself that he would be back soon enough.
"He went into town with the girls." Eleazar told her, looking up from the pages of his book.
Carmen's eyes grew thoughtful. "You care for Edward, like a mother would her son."
Esme stiffened slightly. She wish she hadn't, because both the vampires watching her picked up on it.
"I'm sorry," Carmen said quickly. "I don't wish to intrude."
Esme sighed. "No, it's not your fault. I do care for Edward, very much. I don't know what I would have done without his friendship and guidance. But, I had a son, once. He was only a few days old when he died."
"Oh, Esme," Carmen sympathised.
Even Eleazar looked apologetic to Esme's news. "Carlisle never told us what happened to you in your human life." He explained softly. "Of course, we were very curious when he told us he had a new vampire in his coven, but when we asked for the story, he refused. He said it was yours to tell, and only yours."
Of course he had said that, there was not another man alive who was as thoughtful and compassionate as Carlisle. Why was Esme even surprised?
So, after taking a seat on the nearby chair, Esme told Eleanor and Carmen about her son. She kept it brief, because talking about him in too much detail would only upset her, and she did not want to share more with them than she had done with Carlisle. She had been a vampire for a few months now, but the pain of missing her child had not weakened.
When she had finished, she was relieved that Carmen and Eleazar did not smother her with sympathy. They felt sorry for her, she could see that in the sad glint to their eyes, but they knew that saying how sorry they were for her wouldn't fix anything. Instead, Carmen reassured her that she had not failed her baby, while Eleazar praises her bravery for speaking to them about him.
Talking about her baby with them had helped Esme feel more comfortable around the two Denali vampires, and she had started to truly consider them as friends. However, it had reopened a wound, and she knew that the only person who could help her to heal was miles away.
Sensing her sudden sadness, Carmen swiftly changed the subject. "Is there anything you would like to know about us, Esme?" She asked, redirecting the subject of conversation smoothly away from Esme herself. "Don't be afraid to ask - after you've been so honest with us, it is only fair that we share things with you."
Needing a distraction from the reminder of her son and her wanting for Carlisle's return, Esme soon found herself finding out how Eleazar and Carmen met. Their story was beautiful in its own way, and had its challenges and downfalls, but their love for each other was undeniable.
Esme found herself unconsciously touching her now forever flat stomach. I miss you, so much. She thought of Carmens earlier statement, and her mind flickered to a certain bronze haired vampire. I adore Edward very much, and though he will never replace you, I know that loving him as my own will help me to heal.
The years of her eternal life would never make her forget her son, or the misery his death had brought her. But, as she sat there listening to Carmen's story, she realised that she had a lot of upcoming memories to look forward to with Carlisle, and with Edward.
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Carlisle returned a few hours later, finding Esme sat in front of the roaring fire with her back pressed against the arm of the seat. He smiled at the sight, enjoying the way the amber light made her caramel hair glow, and his smile widened as her eyes met his across the room.
"Hello, my love." He said as he appeared in front of her, leaning down and bracing his hand against the back of the chair so he could kiss her. It was such a natural thing for him now, and he relished in that.
"How was your trip?" She asked him as they eventually pulled away from each other.
Carlisle moved to sit down beside her, his arm going round her shoulders to pull her gently against him. Esme leaned against him, thankful for his closeness.
He shared with her what he had learnt from his trip, including several stories that the women had told him as they had prepared their fires. The way they lived was so beautifully wild that Carlisle envied their little isolated paradise. But now, as he sat with Esme beside the fireplace, he knew he would never change his life for another.
"They must adore you." Esme said, as her head rested on his shoulder, tracing invisible patterns into his bare forearm with a finger. He had rolled the sleeves of his shirt up upon returning to the house, and Esme refused to allow herself to get distracted by this. "The amount they trust you with their secrets…"
"I have known them for many years." Carlisle told her, leaning his head back against the cushions and closing his eyes, blissfully enjoying the feeling of her fingers barely tracing over his skin and the fire touching their skin. "It wasn't easy, at the start. But, as I started to open up to them about me, they were soon at ease."
Esme looked up at him with surprised eyes. "D-do they know…?"
Carlisle shook his head, an amused smile tugging at his lips. With the arm at was snaked around her, he squeezed her slightly. "No, I haven't told them. Miska - one of their healers - refers to me as the 'Cold One'."
Personally, Esme could think of a lot of adjectives to describe Carlisle, and yet the coldness of his touch had never inspired her to think of a way of describing him. Quite the opposite, in fact. Carlisle was always quite warm to her.
"That's hardly flattering." Esme couldn't help but say.
Carlisle chuckled. "No, but quite exact, wouldn't you agree? Miska has great knowledge, and I'm sure her people have their own legends and myths regarding vampires. She has questioned my eyes, only once. Apart from that, she has never questioned me or my ways, where I've come from or what I've seen. She simply trusts my knowledge."
"What did you tell her?" Esme whispered. "When she asked about your eyes?"
Carlisle was quiet for a moment. "Well, I told her that the colour of my eyes is the only resemblance I have to my mother." He admitted, somewhat sadly. "Her eyes were not as golden, of course, but more of a honey-brown colour, that glowed lighter in the sun, and turned amber in the shade - or so I'm told. I...I've never actually seen her face."
Perhaps sharing each others pain was possible, because in that moment, Esme felt the weight of Carlisle's sadness. But, she did not shrug it off. She simply took it, wanting to share the burden, to ease the weight off his shoulders.
She stopped drawing on his arm, and instead, linked her fingers through his. Raising his hand to his lips, she kissed it. "Where there any paintings of her?" Her knowledge of the 1600's was still developing, but she knew enough to be sure that photographs were definitely not around back then, and she longed to hear more about Carlisle's mother.
"No." Carlisle answered, his mind letting him escape back to those days, to his village which had been controlled by suspicions and fear. "My father burned them all, after her death. He did not wish to remember her, because...well, I think that meant admitting that she had actually died."
Esme snuggled closer to him. "By removing all traces of her, it was like she had never existed in the first place." She realised.
He sighed. "Apart from me." He said. "My birth caused her death, and I don't think my father had ever forgiven me for that."
"It was not your fault." Esme pulled away. "Carlisle, look at me."
He opened his eyes; darkened by sadness and memories, but still golden.
"Your mother's death was not your fault." Esme repeated firmly, her hands cupping his face. "Your father was a fool to blame you for it. Carlisle, you are so good." Her fingers played with a stray blonde curl. "You never got to meet her, or see her, but Carlisle - you are her. You have her heart and her kindness. Your patience and compassion came from her. Despite your father trying to belittle you and turn you into him, you never lost sight of who you are. It has shaped you, and what he saw as your weakness, I see as your greatest strengths."
The conviction and love in her voice lifted Carlisle's heart, and he leaned his forehead against hers so he could lovingly rub her nose with his. This action made both of them smile.
"How do you do it, Esme?" He asked softly, feeling her breath ghost across his face and her touch on his skin.
Her eyes blinked in confusion. "Do what, my love?"
"Make me feel safe."
Her lips grazed hers in the softest of kisses. "I love you, Carlisle." She answered. "In all my darkest moments; it always been you who has helped me through it. Even….with Charles, I thought of you, the kind doctor who made me laugh and forget about my pain. I want to do the same for you, Carlisle. I never want you to feel alone, or scared, or hopeless. I'm with you now, right at your side, for as long as you need to me to be."
Carlisle's hand covered one of hers, with the other brushed the hair out of her face. "I will always need you, Esme." He admitted, but felt no guilt or embarrassment for it. Esme was his entire world, and his love for her overpowered everything else. How silly he had been, to allow so much time to be wasted between them? At least, having all of eternity to make up for it wasn't a bad start.
She softened under his touch, as she watched the sadness leave his eyes, replaced by such strong affection and love that it almost shocked her. In moments like this, she was reminded of just how lucky she was that this man loved her.
"Will you tell me more about your human life?" Esme asked as she lay with her back pressed lightly against Carlisle's chest and her head resting on his shoulder. He had one of her hands in his, as his thumb gently brushed her skin.
Carlisle had never felt so content before, and enjoyed the feeling of her breathing as she lay beside him. "What would you like to know?"
She thought for a few moments. Carlisle had over two hundred and fifty years of stories from his vampire years - yet it was his short time as a human that intrigued her. She had never been one to listen to her history teacher, yet she knew that the world back then was a completely different place.
"I want to know if you've always had a passion for medicine." She decided, her voice as soft as a feather, knowing that she did not have to speak loudly at all for him to hear her. He would have heard her smallest whisper.
Carlisle's memory, despite his long years, was still as sharp as a knife. "Not at first, until I was around seventeen years old. I managed to sneak into my father's office while he was out working. I found several of my mother's journeys and notebooks. One of them held presses of a variety of plants - all with detailed descriptions of their medical uses. Back then, plants were deemed a 'god-given cure', and my mother was fascinated by them. Intrigued, I managed to smuggle it back to my room, and I read it at night."
An image of a younger Carlisle, huddled on his bed with only a small candle for light as he read through such detailed pages sprung in Esme's mind, and she smiled fondly.
"It wasn't until I became a vampire, though, that I allowed myself to want to become a doctor." Carlisle continued. "Before, my father never let me consider any other role in life that wasn't following in his footsteps. But, after I was changed...I don't know what I would have done without that wanting to help people. It was the one thing that kept me human."
Esme turned her head up slightly to be able to look at him, but his gaze was slightly hazy, as if he was lost in memories. She did not interrupt him, and took joy from the knowledge that he was sharing such delicate details with her.
"Your mother would be so proud of you." She whispered, out knowing if she had intended on actually speaking the words out loud, for she did not wish to upset him.
But, Carlisle lay a gentle kiss on her temple. Thank you, it told her, without him needing to say it himself. "What made you want to be a teacher, Esme?" He asked.
She swallowed, but mentally shook herself. Carlisle had shared a very important, personal piece of his past with her - why couldn't she do the same? "I've always loved children." She answered quietly, feeling the familiar sadness wash over her as she was reminded of her son.
Carlisle picked up on this, and he did not need Edward's ability to be able to know where Esme's thoughts had landed. "You can tell me about him, Esme - if you wish. Don't be afraid to speak of him."
She sighed softly, unconsciously leaning further back into him as she seeked comfort. "I don't have much of him to remember." She said sadly. "But...I can picture him so clearly; his tiny hands had wrapped around my pinkie with such a fragile grip, and his eyes had barely had the time to open before the sickness took over. He was so little."
"Did you give him a name?" Carlisle could not imagine how painful losing a child could have been, and it was part of the reason he admired Esme so much, especially now, as she lay there speaking about him. He was relieved she felt safe enough to talk of him, instead of shut it all inside her and deny that he had ever existed.
Esme would never forget her little son, and she would carry his memory and the pain of his death with her for the rest of eternity. Carlisle knew this, but he also hoped that he would be able to ease her pain and help her to move on.
"His name was Joseph," She whispered.
'He will add', Carlisel thought silently, feeling a pain in his chest as he thought of all the things that baby would have added to Esme's life, and how cruel it bad been for those things to be taken away from her. Esme had fallen silent, her eyes fixed on the flames of the fireplace as she lost herself to her thoughts. Carlisle did not speak, he did not want to disrupt her memories of her precious little baby, but he remained by her side, knowing that his presence would soothe her as well as any words ever could.
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I love them. I LOVE their dynamic. I just love them!
- E x