Chapter 17

Tim didn't want to go anywhere or do anything, but he could recognize that it was more a reaction to the stress of talking to Gibbs and telling Tony about the case than it was out of a genuine desire to stay in the room.

But at the same time, he just didn't want to be in stressful crowds at the moment. How busy would a butterfly conservatory be? He wouldn't think it could possibly be too bad, but he really had no idea. He didn't really know why he had suggested it. Normally, going to look at butterflies would not be his first choice. Oh, well.

They walked out of the guest house and found their way to the conservatory.

"So... why here?" Tony asked.

"I figured it'd be quiet and not busy...and it's close. That's all," Tim said. He just couldn't muster up any enthusiasm at the moment. All the fun on the trip had been (hopefully temporarily) been sucked away and he felt drained.

"Tim," Tony began.

"I'm sorry, Tony. Right now, I can't be... anything good. I just..." Tim sighed. "We don't have to go here."

"Nope. We're here already. We're going in, and if it's a dud, I'll say it's your fault and we move on."

Tim tried to smile. He knew that Tony was trying to help him, that he felt bad about how things had turned out today so far. Tim didn't blame him for it, but he hated getting pulled back into those feelings from before, and he had, first by Gibbs, and then by recounting the case to Tony. This would always be a hard memory for him.

"Let's go and fork over the fifteen bucks it costs. These had better be amazing butterflies," Tony said.

"Okay."

They went in and paid and then went into the conservatory. There were a few families already in there, but as Tim had hoped, there weren't too many people and it was quiet except for the sound of some of the kids laughing and talking.

Tim didn't mind that kind of noise.

It was like walking through a garden. It was too obviously designed to be a natural forest, but there were indeed a number of butterflies fluttering around them. There were also flamingos and other birds, but it was the butterflies that genuinely caught Tim's attention. He wasn't really an expert. In fact, while he knew that there was a variety of butterfly that mimicked the markings of a monarch, he had no idea how the markings might be different.

I probably couldn't tell the difference between a butterfly and a moth.

They walked around a little bit, not really talking. Tim couldn't think of anything to say, and he figured Tony wasn't really all that happy, either. He thought about suggesting that they declare this a failure and just go. Then, as he bent over to look at a vibrant blue butterfly that had landed on a flower, it suddenly fluttered its wings and landed right on Tim's nose. He was surprised and he almost batted it away, but he managed to overcome that instinct.

"Tony, look," he said, softly, trying not to startle the butterfly that now seemed to be using his nose as an exercise platform. It was gently moving its wings back and forth.

Tim was trying to focus on the butterfly, but his eyes kept crossing.

Then, he heard Tony laughing and he looked around the butterfly.

"You look ridiculous, Tim," Tony said, and he was genuinely smiling.

Tim couldn't help it, he smiled, too. How could he stay serious with a blue butterfly settled on his nose?

"I didn't tell it to do this," he said.

Then, the butterfly fluttered its wings again and took off, leaving Tim to rub his nose where it had been sitting.

"Did you get a picture?" Tim asked.

"Of course I got a picture!" Tony said. "How could I not?"

And somehow, in that one silly moment, Tim felt a little better. It wasn't that he was back to how he'd been that morning, but he couldn't help but feel a little lighter. Then, there was a giggle and they both looked toward the sound.

The same blue butterfly had now landed on the nose of a little girl, about five years old. Her mother was trying to keep her from touching the delicate wings while taking a picture at the same time. Tony looked at Tim and they both laughed. Neither of them actually said anything about it, but as they kept walking through the conservatory, the silence was an easy one.

The butterflies peacefully flitting around was genuinely relaxing. At least, Tim thought so. He didn't really feel completely relaxed, but he didn't feel like his stomach was as tied up in knots as it had been after telling Tony about the case. It was actually the first time he'd spelled everything out.

Tim had to admit, though, that walking around like this, after all the stress, was making him a little tired.

Trying not to show it, he walked over to a bench and sat down to have a rest.

"Oh, Tim. You've got wings!" Tony said.

"Huh?"

"Look!"

Tim looked around and realized that the bench he was sitting on was actually shaped like a butterfly, giving the illusion of wings. He smiled.

"Well, you need a picture," Tony said. "Pose!"

"Looks like I already am," Tim said.

"Then, sit primly."

"Primly?"

"Just sit there, Tim!"

Tim shrugged and did as he was told.

"Well, you have to be a butterfly, too, Tony," he said.

"I'm more of a stink bug," Tony said, grinning.

"Nope. Butterfly. Sit."

"How about a bumblebee? They're pollinators," Tony said.

"Nope. Butterfly. Sit," Tim repeated.

"Fine, fine."

They switched places and Tony reclined backwards while Tim took his picture. Then, they kept walking. After getting through the conservatory, it was time to visit the gift shop. Of course. This being a different type of stop than they usually did, the souvenirs were a little different as well. There were a lot of colorful items (all butterfly-themed, of course), a lot of jewelry,

"I think Grace needs something from here," Tony said, heading over to the jewelry.

Tim thought that Esther and Evelyn would love one of the butterfly-shaped pillows. He walked over to that display and spent some time picking out what colors they would each like best. There was no picking a favorite color at the moment because that changed nearly every day, and they were as apt to change to match each other's favorite as anything. Then, he thought of the outfit they'd chosen for him, and he decided to get butterflies that matched it. It helped that one of the colors was the same as the butterfly that had landed on his nose. Then, he could say something about that when he gave them the pillows.

Then, he decided to buy some t-shirts for Jimmy and Breena and their kids.

"Oh, I have to buy this!" Tony said, holding up a butterfly keychain. "For Jo!"

"Why?" Tim asked.

"Because when we were first dating and you and I went on Route 66, she was disappointed that I didn't buy her a keychain. I've never actually fixed that. So I will this time," Tony said.

Tim smiled. "Whatever works for you. Are you going to buy anything for your team here?"

Tony laughed suddenly. "Oh, they'll be so impressed if they get butterfly presents. I'm going to do it."

He started looking through the cheaper tourist stuff.

"What about you?" he asked.

"Well, I'm going to get Maren a pin. She collects them. Sarah likes lanyards for some reason."

"With Maren being your computer geek, I'd think it'd be opposite," Tony said.

"Geeks aren't the only people who wear lanyards, Tony," Tim said.

"They're the only ones who flaunt them."

"Well, you're wrong about that, too. Sarah is my lanyard collector. Weston... this isn't really his kind of place. I'm going to look at the Everglades. For Tommy and Delilah, too."

Tim watched as Tony continued to look around. It had always interested him that Tony seemed to love gift shops so much. He always like going into them. He always liked buying souvenirs. It was something that really seemed to make him happy. He enjoyed picking things out for people and he enjoyed just looking at the stuff.

If Tim was honest, he found it almost childlike, although he'd never tell Tony that. For some reason, he liked seeing that Tony enjoyed something so simple.

"Okay, I'm ready to spend my money."

"What did you get for Grace?" Tim asked.

Tony held up a beautiful necklace with a single butterfly charm.

"That's nice. I'll bet she loves it."

"Hope so. It's not a cheap thing."

Then, Tony looked at his watch.

"Okay. What do you say we take our stuff back to our room and then get our lobster roll?"

"Works for me," Tim said.

Slowly, he was regaining his equilibrium, even if he couldn't honestly say he was back to normal yet.

And he was feeling a little tired, but he wasn't going to miss out on the lobster roll. He actually genuinely wanted to taste the Key West version of a lobster roll, not that he really thought he could accurately compare it to something he had years before.

That didn't matter. He was just glad that he was feeling something besides regret and anger and anxiety again. He took a deep breath and didn't say anything about his internal conversation.

Instead, they dropped their stuff off, and Tim waited for Tony to ask if he could make it to the Lobster Shack.

And he didn't. Tim was shocked, but Tony didn't. He just stowed his purchases in his suitcase and then waited for Tim to do the same. There wasn't a lot of conversation happening still, but it wasn't as strained as it had been.

So they left the guest house and walked over to the Lobster Shack. There were already a few people there, but it wasn't too crowded just yet.

"What are you going to get?" Tony asked. "The traditional roll?"

"Of course not," Tim said, almost able to sound normal. "We're in Key West. We have to get the Key West roll."

"Absolutely right," the girl at the counter said with a smile.

"Okay, okay," Tony said.

"We tried a lobster roll in Maine a few years ago," Tim said as they prepared to order. "We're going to compare."

"Ours is better."

Tim smiled. "It smells great."

"Two Key West lobster rolls, then?" she asked.

"Yes. A side of slaw, and what do you want to drink?" Tony asked.

"Just a soda. It's too early for anything else," Tim said.

And he didn't really feel like indulging in alcohol after the stress of the morning. While it might help temporarily, it wouldn't long term.

They put in their order and gave their name and then sat down to wait.

"Feeling any better?" Tony asked, finally.

"Yeah."

"All better?" he asked.

Tim smiled a little. "No."

"But somewhat?"

"Yeah."

"I'll take it. You sure you don't want to go back to the beach today?"

Tim shook his head. Ridiculous as it might be, the Key West beach was now tainted by what he'd had to recount and remember there.

"We'll see other beaches. Not here."

"Okay."

They sat for a bit until their orders were up. Then, they got it and walked over to a small table outside the shack. As they did, they passed a human-sized lobster board with a space to stick their heads through.

"We're getting our picture here after we eat, Tim," Tony said.

"Okay."

They sat down and tried the lobster roll.

"Well?" Tony asked.

"It's good," Tim said.

"As good as the one in Maine?"

"Probably."

"Probably?"

"It's been years, Tony," Tim said. "And it was the first... or second lobster roll I'd ever had. I don't remember exactly what it was like."

"Well, it's different. It's a different kind of lobster and it has the key lime juice."

"I like it. I liked the one in Maine. I don't know the difference... except that it's probably better than McDonald's," Tim said, smiling.

"Probably? It's definitely better than McDonald's and don't you forget it," Tony said.

He emphasized his feeling by taking a large bite of his roll.

Tim just smiled and ate his own. It really was good and he liked the tang of the lime juice. All in all, he considered it a successful lunch. Enough that he didn't protest about putting his head through a hole to be a large lobster. Tony did the same.

Then, they started back toward the guest house. Tim was feeling tired and in need of a nap, but he didn't like the idea of making Tony just sit around because he couldn't do as much. And he knew that Tony probably secretly wanted to escape from Tim's momentary depression even if he'd never admit it.

It wasn't far back to the guest house, only a block, but before they got there Tim blurted out something he wouldn't have even dreamed he'd say.

"You should go and see Gibbs while we're here."

If Tim had suddenly sprouted wings, Tony couldn't have looked more shocked. So much so that Tim almost could laugh. Not quite, but almost. In fact, Tony stopped walking and stared at him, not even saying a word.

"I mean it. You should go. I know you probably wanted to talk to him more earlier, and you probably want to see his boat. You know where he's staying. I don't want to go, but you should."

Finally, Tony seemed to shake off his utter shock.

"Tim, I can see Gibbs anytime. This is our road trip."

"I know you can, but I also am pretty sure you don't," Tim said. "You said before that you have to be on my side, but that you can't think of Gibbs the way I do. You probably feel guilty if you sympathize with him. I'm not going to dictate what you do with your time, Tony. If you don't tell me, I won't ask. And I know that you want to talk to Gibbs since you know exactly where he is right now."

"Not exactly."

"Pretty much," Tim said. The more he spoke, the more sure he felt about it, and so he pushed harder. "Tony, I'm feeling tired. I want to take a nap, even though I don't want to need to. I'm not going to be doing anything. You don't want to have to sit around doing nothing while I get my energy back. Go and talk to Gibbs."

Tim started walking again, knowing that Tony would have to follow just to keep up and try to find some reason why he shouldn't go.

"Tim, I didn't know Gibbs was going to be here," Tony said after he'd caught up.

"I know that. You said it already. I don't think you're lying. It was just a coincidence. But since he is, you can take advantage of it."

Tony grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Tim, I don't know why you're insisting on this, but you don't have to. I won't think any less of you."

"That's not why I'm doing it. It just makes the most sense, all things considered. You went along with the butterfly conservatory."

"I liked that."

"So did I, but you probably didn't really want to go to it. You did because it was my suggestion. Tony, I'm going to sleep and rest." Tim forced himself to smile. "You keep pushing me to do that anyway. Why are you resisting it now when it's my suggestion?"

Tony gave a lopsided smile.

"I don't take your suggestions ever, Probie."

"Well, try it this time. Let me sleep. You go talk to Gibbs. Then, we can decide if we'll see anything else on Key West before dinner."

Tim could see that Tony was tempted. While the illogical part of him resented it, he really did think that this was what Tony wanted to do and it would be wrong of him to let Tony not do something he wanted just because of Tim's lingering problems.

Tim started walking again. Tony didn't follow him this time. Tim paused at the entrance to the guest house and looked back.

"Go on, Tony. Otherwise, I'll be rested before you get there."

Tony's smile was a strange one, but he finally nodded.

"You're okay?"

"Yeah. I'm okay."

Then, Tim turned and continued on into the guest house. He peeked back once and saw Tony walking down the street. A part of him felt a much stronger pang than he would have expected, but he suppressed that and went into their shared room.

He sat down on the bed in the quiet for a few minutes and then pulled out his phone and started some soft music playing.

He had an ulterior motive for encouraging Tony to leave. He was sure that nightmares were in his future and if he could nap now and get them out while he was alone, maybe he wouldn't disturb Tony with them tonight.

It was worth a shot.

Tim lay down on the bed and tried to sleep.

...and tried not to think about what Tony and Gibbs would talk about.