Jessica had always worn her heart on her sleeve. Her emotions poured out of her like spilled coffee and staining everything around her. She knew part of the reason why people found her exhausting to be around was that she could not hide how she felt no matter how hard she tried. There was a kind of likability to such transparency, an admiration of honesty, before that like turned to exasperation.

People had told her she was too much. She tried too hard. She cared too much. And when she tried to be less, suddenly she wasn't enough.

She wasn't trying enough. She didn't care enough. And she wondered if she would ever be – just right. Like Goldilocks finding the perfect combination, she would be 'just right' someday.

A fear she tried to bury within her as deep as she could was that she would never be that perfect amount. That she would stay unbalanced, a girl of extremes that would exhaust people to the point they would abandon her. Leave her for better, prettier girls who would always be exactly what people needed. For girls that never had to doubt their worth to people.

Love was terrifying to her. For all her chasing of Mike Newton all these years, she had never really wanted him to love her back. She realized that maybe she had obsessed over him because she knew he was incapable of loving her. The actual reality of being loved felt overwhelming.

She knew it would get worse. That she would struggle harder to be what version of her they loved. Maybe they fell in love with her on the days she got it just right. And it would be worse when they decided to leave her.

Falling in love with Edward Cullen took her by surprise. Not as much as him being vampire but it had been disorienting just the same. He had told her he loved her first and a part of her wanted to believe him so badly. Because if this beautiful boy, this creature of myth, could love her then maybe she wasn't so bad. She could just be herself.

He was hiding in the music room, playing Chopin again. It was the Nocturne piece he played when he was feeling down. She closed the door behind her and took a seat on a chair, content to let him finish. The last note echoed in the room.

She waited for him to speak. He still wouldn't look at her.

"The other night," he said. "I…I almost lost control. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she replied. "It's not your fault."

"It is though. I'm responsible for myself," he returned, firmly. "It doesn't matter what I am. I'm in control of my nature."

She got up and walked to him, standing over him. "Hey. Don't beat yourself up. It's like that scene where Bruce smelled Dory's blood. He's still a nice shark. And he didn't eat her and Marlin so it all worked out."

He shook his head. "This isn't a Pixar film, Jessica. I could've hurt you. You wouldn't have been able to run away or fight me off. I would've torn into your neck before you could even scream."

"But you didn't," she countered. "You stopped yourself."

"This time. What about next time?" He sighed deeply, running his hand through his hair. "If you trip and skin your knee or cut your hand while you're cooking, it takes one mistake and it's over."

"I'll be more careful," she insisted. "I promise."

"We can never be careful enough."

Enough. The word made her heart want to stop beating. Her eyes began to water. She asked, "Why does it feel like you're breaking up with me?"

"It would be for the better," he answered. "You would be safer."

"And happier?" she returned. "Will you be happier without me?"

He got to his feet, wiping the tears at the corner of her eyes with his thumbs. "Don't you see, Jessica? I'm a walking death sentence."

"I love you," The words spilled out of her and she couldn't stop them. "This is the worst timing ever but if you're gonna break my heart then you should know that. I love you and your stupid hair and the way you smile at me like I'm the funniest person in the world."

"Jessica-"

"I love you even when I really want to punch you in the face when you're being a butthole. I love you when you talk to me about your life cause you're as old as God and you never run out of stories," she continued. "And I love you even knowing that a part of you really wants to drain me of my blood like I'm a jumbo size juice box."

He snorted. "Jumbo size is a stretch."

"Can you not right now, dude?" He was such a butthole. He had to ruin this moment by being himself. "I am pouring my heart out to you and you're making jokes?"

"It's part of our dynamic," He leaned down and rested his forehead against hers. "And you know you wouldn't want things any other way."

The fact he was right just made him more of a smug butthole. She kissed his mouth, lightly. "And I love you anyway."

"Sounds like a you problem," He chuckled and pulled her into a hug. "We'll just have to make this work, huh?"

This would have to be enough for now. She loved a boy and he loved her back. Everything else didn't have to matter. The only thing that mattered was that moment.

Jessica's mom had agreed on finally getting her a car for her eighteenth birthday as she knew her daughter was planning on going to college out of state. Jessica didn't know what kind of car her mom would be buying for her but she wasn't expecting anything fancy. Then, on the weekend before her birthday, Jacob Black arrived in a yellow Chevy. Her mother dragged her outside and Jacob smiled at them as he got out of the truck.

"Good morning, Mrs. Stanley, Jessica," he greeted them. "Does the truck pass inspection?"

Jessica's mom turned to her. "I don't know, Jess. Why don't you check it out?"

"Did you…" Jessica gaped at her. "Is the truck for me?"

"If you want it," Jacob answered. "I'm also working on restoring a dirt bike if that's more your speed."

Jessica ignored him. "No freaking way!"

She made her way to the truck, circling it and trying to inspect everything from the wheels to the hood. She ran back to her mom and seized her in a hug.

"Thank you! Thank you!"

"It's a little early for your birthday but I thought you'd like to drive to school instead of having to rely on Lauren so much," her mom said. "And Jacob told me it should be fine for driving to California."

California. Stanford. Her mom didn't even know she was getting in cause a vampire who could see the future told her she was and she got her a car anyway. Her mom's faith in her made her want to cry.

Instead, she got inside the truck and Jacob gave her some pointers on how to drive a truck.

"This is a 1966 Chevy. Lovingly restored by me so take good care of her," he told her. "I even put on a fresh coat of paint as a freebie."

"Why yellow?"

"Lauren told me it's your favorite color."

"No, it's not," She shook her head. "My favorite color is dusty rose."

"Oh," Jacob looked thoughtful. "I have a feeling Lauren is playing a prank on you."

Yellow. Edward's eyes. Lauren was an evil little demon. She explained it to Jacob who just laughed.

"Well, Cullen will probably like it then," Jacob joked.

"Oh, he will," Edward would find it funny if not flattering to his ego. "I should name this car Eddie Jr."

"Don't curse the poor thing," he replied. "And the Chevy's a girl."

"Edwina then."

Jacob laughed again.

Monday morning she drove to school and happily showed off her new truck to her friends. Edward and his siblings arrived at the parking lot and she went to greet Edward as he was getting out of his curst Volvo. Confused by her enthusiasm, he let her drag him to see her truck. Edward was not amused by the name she'd chosen.

"You're not naming a truck 'Edwina'," he said. "Who gives a car a name like that?"

"I do," she replied, defensively. "And it's Winnie for short."

"I know I should be flattered but I have a feeling you're just insulting me again," He looked over Winnie and inspected her. "Why did you pick a yellow truck?"

"Cause it's the color of your eyes."

It disturbingly was the exact shade and she wondered if Jacob and Lauren spent hours looking over paint swatches to find the right one. Knowing Lauren, they probably did.

She added, "And she's an older broad like you except Pangea wasn't around when she was born."

He gave her a look. "How do you not run out of these jokes?"

"My mind is a bottomless well," She looked over to where his Volvo was parked as they began walking from the parking lot to the school building. "I never got to ask. What's your car's name?"

"It doesn't have a name," he answered. "I don't feel the need to name inanimate objects."

"Well, in that case, we should give him or her a name," she suggested. "I think Jessica is a good name."

"No."

"Why not?"

"And have it randomly stop working in front of Retirement Homes?"

She laughed. "Okay. What about Moses then?"

He looked confused. "Moses?"

"Yeah," She smiled. "You went to school with him when you were kids, right?"

He didn't reply to that. They made their way inside the building and he walked away from her to get to his next class. She waved at him as he ignored her.

Wednesday came and Angela baked a small pink buttercream frosting cake for her birthday. Jessica had squealed at the sight of it. Lauren put a plastic silver crown on Jessica's head and they all ate the cake at lunch. Edward was sitting at their table with them which was only a little bit awkward.

Edward did not eat his slice of cake and it sat untouched in front of him. Jessica eyed it and he slid it over to her.

"Isn't it a bit weird Jess that your actual birthday only comes every four years?" Eric asked. "Shouldn't that technically make you about four-years-old?"

"That's now how leap year birthdays work, Eric," Tyler told him. "Most people just celebrate it on the twenty-eight."

"Yeah, but it only comes around every four years so you shouldn't really get to celebrate until then…"

Jessica tuned out that pointless conversation and unwrapped the present Lauren got for her. It was a red Stanford sweatshirt.

"Oh, Laur, thank you" Jessica pulled her into a hug. "You're the best."

"As if anyone doubts you'd get in," the blonde told her as she pulled away. "I thought you'll need a little motivation to keep you going till graduation."

"I love it," Jessica hugged the soft fabric to her cheek. "I'm going to wear it all the time."

Eric surprised her by giving her a scrapbook of photos he took of all of them over the years. She had been touched by the thoughtfulness. It must've taken him a while to find all those photos. He even had a few of them going back as far as grade school. It looked like a montage of her life.

She found herself staring at the photos as she got home. There was a photo taken before they took the yearly field trip to the Forks Timber Museum back in the sixth grade. They all looked so young. They looked like tinier versions of themselves. Edward was looking at the photos too, his expression pensive.

She asked, "What are you thinking?"

"Just that you had a whole life before I moved here," He answered. "I knew you did but sometimes I wonder…"

"Wonder what?"

"What it would've been like if I was born here around this time," He smiled wistfully. "What kind of person I would've been if I grew up with those kids in the photos."

"Probably a lot less maudlin," she teased him but took his hand in hers. "Do you ever wonder what would've happened if I had been born earlier?"

"Honestly?" he said. "We would be married by now."

"Married?"

"Maybe when you turned sixteen," he continued. "Things were different. Girls finished school at age fifteen. If they were from a well-off family, they would be looking for a husband. Women would only be working if they had little means."

"So, in this hypothetical world, we meet at age sixteen and get married before you go off to war?" It didn't sound that pleasant. "And if you survive the war, we have to deal with a pandemic later?"

He nodded. "Pretty much. And if we survive the pandemic, we have to deal with the Great Depression and another war."

"That sounds like a nightmare," Jessica confessed. "I'm kind of happy I was born in this century."

"Despite all my misgivings, I wouldn't change our story," He cupped her face and kissed her gently. "Happy Birthday, Jessica."

This is a bit late. We had a storm and the power was out. Not fun.

1. Jessica's birthday isn't revealed so I chose February 29th.

2. Jessica gets a yellow Chevy cause one of my favorite films, Keith, features a yellow truck. It's basically Bella's truck by painted yellow.

3. In my research of the Progressive Era, I learned that women left school at age 15 and got married not long after. While the men went off to college when they weren't fighting in wars.

4. Bella romanticized a lot of earlier times as most people tend to do without thinking about how those earlier times weren't all that great at times. Especially in the treatment of women.

5. Chapter title is a play on the film 'Herbie: Fully Loaded'.