Okay, so here is the next chapter. Only a couple more to go.
I want to freeze this moment, this wonderfully beautiful, messy moment. Holding my baby daughter in my arms, and Edward's cool lips pressed firmly to mine. I would do this all again just to relive this moment. Though too soon he pulls away and looks down at our daughter. She is amazing, a full head of dark hair plastered to her perfect little head. Her eyes are wide, though it is dark and I can't really make out the color. My thumb runs from her temple to her chin as I admire my little baby.
"She's perfect," Edward whispers, and I reply with a nod. A flash of light goes off, and I look up to see Alice holding a camera, and I smile at her. I'm glad she caught this moment. I didn't even know she had a camera.
It's hard to focus on all the commotion around me, I barely notice hands below the surface of the murky water poking and prodding at me, but I don't care. The only thing that matters is this little girl in my arms.
"Hi there," I say, my voice thick with tears. "I know you. I can't believe you're finally here."
"She's beautiful you guys," Renee says, and I look up to see her leaning over the pool to get a better look. Beside her is Esme and Rosalie, who both look like they could shed tears, but I think for very different reasons.
After twenty minutes or so Carlisle and Sue help me out of the pool, whilst Edward gets to hold his daughter for the first time. When I look over, he is staring down at the little bundle with complete amazement in his eyes. Carlisle wraps a towel around me, and carefully lifts me up in his arms.
"I'm going to take you to a bed so you and the baby can rest," he says walking out of the room. He heads to where I remember his and Esme's room is, and I think about protesting because I don't want to get their bed dirty, but I also don't know where else to go. The group follows us out and into their large, well decorated room. I think I hear Renee calling Charlie upstairs as Carlisle lies me on the bed, and pulls a cover over me. He turns to Edward who stands right next to him with our daughter in hand. "Why don't you give the baby back to Bella for some skin-on-skin time."
Edward doesn't hesitate as he gently lies the baby on my chest, my arms automatically coming up to cradle her. He walks around to the other side of the bed and climbs in next to me, not wanting to be far from our child.
Alice approaches clapping her hands excitedly. "She's beautiful Bella! I can't wait to dress her up!"
I laugh knowing that she was secretly hoping for a girl just so that she will get to put her in frilly dresses. Well, if my daughter is anything like me, that won't last long.
Next Rosalie comes up, and reaches out to run her fingers through the baby's dark brown locks of hair. "So much hair! She's exquisite."
I smile up at her, and she returns the smile. "Thanks, Rosalie."
She moves over to make room for Esme who doesn't say anything, but reaches out to caress my face briefly, and then leans down to plant a kiss on the baby's forehead. I'm surprised how calm the baby is despite all the noise. She is nuzzled up against my chest, her dark eyes looking around curiously. She is very aware it seems.
Renee comes over, pulling Charlie with her. Her face is red and blotchy from tears. She plops on the bed next to me and gently gives me a side hug. Charlie just stands closely, staring down at his beautiful granddaughter.
"Bella, you did amazing. Look at her! She is absolutely perfect," Renee exclaims, a new round of tears running down her face.
I look up at Charlie, and I can tell he is trying to hold his emotions at bay. I smile at him and say, "Hey, Dad."
"It's a girl?" He asks.
"She is," I answer, a giant grin on my face. It's so strange. I was so sure it was a boy, but now that I am holding my daughter in my arms I am so glad that she is a girl. I can't wait to see who she is going to grow up to be.
"Prettiest baby I've ever seen," he mutters, sounding a little dazzled.
I look down at her, examining her angelic face. It's hard to really say, but I think she looks a lot like Edward. Though it looks like she is going to have Charlie's curls. "She really is," I say.
I hardly noticed Carlisle and Sue examining me discreetly, and there is still a small amount of pain, but this feeling of euphoria fills my senses. Everyone just stands and stares at our baby, from time to time saying how pretty she is, or how wonderful I did pushing her out. I feel Edward's side pressed up against mine as he leans over to look at our daughter. When I turn to look at him, he doesn't notice, not tearing his eyes away from the baby. I can't believe we are here.
I end up nursing the baby, Sue helping me get her latched on. Charlie was a bit embarrassed seeing me breastfeed my daughter for the first time, but after what I went through, what everyone saw me do, I don't have any shame. At least for the moment. It's a strange sensation breastfeeding for the first time, a wonderfully weird sensation. It doesn't take long for her to fall asleep as she nurses, and everyone smiles a little seeing her sleeping face. Once she is done eating Sue takes her and swaddles her up, and I look over to see the line of longing arms wanting to hold her. When Charlie looks at me, asking me silently if he can hold her, I nod encouragingly. She gets passed around from person to person, and I can see how she already has everyone here wrapped around her tiny finger. After his turn holding her, Carlisle takes the opportunity to take my vitals and to asks me a couple of questions. He tells me that after we both get some sleep that he wants to do a couple tests on the baby, but when he sees my look of concern for my baby, he promises that it isn't anything that will hurt her. Eventually she ends up back in Edward's arms, and everyone excuses themselves from the room to give us a little private time with our little one.
We both sit watching her sleep, perfectly content to just observe her. After all the excitement leaves the room I start to feel soreness, and I think about asking Carlisle for some aspirin or something.
"How are you feeling?" Edward asks.
"Great. A little sore, but that's to be expected," I answer.
He looks at me and smiles. "You really did do something amazing today, you know."
"I know… I can't believe we are both alive," I laugh, and he joins in. "With that much pain I was sure there was one of us dying."
"That bad, huh?" He asks.
"That bad," I answer, shaking my head as I vividly remember the pain I was in.
We both look at the baby again, neither one of us able to tear our eyes away from her for long.
"I think she looks like you," I say, smiling.
He looks at me, a stunning grin on his face, "I think she looks like you."
I laugh, and shake my head. "Well, I guess we know whose child she is then."
"Have you picked out a name for her?" He asks, still smiling.
I blush, not really sure how he is going to react to my name idea. What if he has a name that he specifically wants? "Kind of…"
He raises his eyebrows at me. "And it is…"
I sigh, but go into my explanation, "So I was reading this baby name book and they all seemed so basic, boring… Well, then I started playing around with our parents' names," I say while he looks at me expectantly. "So, Renee and Esme… I was thinking Renesmee. And Carlisle and Charlie, Carlie. But spelt C-A-R-L-I-E."
I cringe a little as I wait for him to tell me I am insane. Yes, it is a little out there, but I think I like it. It's special. A mouthful, but special.
"Renesmee," he says, testing out the name. I can't bear to look at him as he processes the name. "I think I like it. It's unique, just like her."
I turn to look at him, wondering if he is joking, but he is just staring down at her, no teasing in his expression.
"I figured she is one-of-a-kind so her name might as well be," I say.
"Renesmee Carlie-" he turns to look at me, waiting for me to finish the last name. He probably doesn't want to assume that I would give her his last name, considering we aren't married, or even together.
"Cullen-Swan?" I ask. "I mean, hyphenating is all the rage nowadays."
His face lights up when I add his surname in, and I can tell that even though he would have never forced me to do it, it means a lot to him. He stares down at her and then whispers her full name, "Renesmee Carlie Cullen-Swan. My beautiful girl."
We sit like that for a while, we both continue to use her name over and over again, reveling in being new parents. After about an hour she wakes up and is in search of a meal, so I nurse her again. I had hoped to talk to him about our situation, but as I was feeding her I had apparently dozed off. I slept dreamlessly, exhaustion taking over every crevice of my mind. I startle awake, panicked when I look around and don't immediately see my baby.
"Hey, it's okay. Rosalie has her. I can ask her to bring her back up," Edward says approaching me, his hand outstretched in comfort.
I take a deep breath, coming to my senses a little more. "How long have I been out?" I ask.
"Only about forty-five minutes. You can sleep longer if you'd like."
I shake my head, "I'm okay for now."
"Do you want Rosalie to bring Renesmee up?" He asks.
I look at him, and shake my head again. "No, that's alright. Let Rosalie have her time with her. If she gets hungry she can bring her up though." I am sure Rose heard me say that.
"Okay," he says, and then sits on the bed next to my feet.
I look at him, and notice that he has changed. He is wearing a forest green sweater that clings to him lick a second skin, and a pair of dark brown pants. As he stares out in the direction of the door I get to observe him really for the first time since he arrived. His eyes are not the honey color that they usually were when he was around me before he left, but darker almost brown. I want so badly to reach out and touch him, but something stops me. I know that us having this baby has made our reunion seem seamless, but the truth is that I am still very upset with him. We have a lot to talk about, things that could potentially upset us both, and while Renesmee is being cared for, maybe this is the moment.
"Edward we need to talk," I say, just barely above a whisper.
He turns to look at me, worry set deep in his eyes. "Yeah, I know."
I pull myself up into a sitting position, wanting to put some space between us as we begin this conversation. How do I start? We look at each other for a long moment before I think of something to say. "Tell me why you left. The real reason." I know what Alice told me, but I need to hear it from him if it is true.
His eyebrows pull down, and I can see him mull over the words to say. Finally he must think of the best way to put it. "Bella, from the day we saved you from James I knew that I needed to leave. Our existence put you in danger and nearly losing you that day showed me that. Then…" he takes a deep breath before he continues. "Well, then we spent the summer together, took our relationship to the next level, and I started to convince myself that I didn't have to. Everything seemed perfect. I could finally see that we could spend your life time together, without dangerous interruptions. But then your birthday," I wince at the memory but he continues. "What happened with Jasper, it made me realize that you would never really be safe with me. That someday something would happen and I would be too late. So I lied to you, I told you the most abominable lie that I could think of. And you believed it so easily. I had spent every day of that summer telling you how you were the love of my life, and then you just bought my lie so effortlessly, like you were expecting it."
"I was," I interject.
He looks at me sadly, but continues, "But I need you to know that it was a lie. A unforgivable lie. I am so sorry, Bella. You have to know that."
"Here is the thing, Edward… How can I trust you? How can I trust you are telling the truth now? You have no idea what I went through while you were gone," I say, tears welling up in my eyes. "You left me a empty shell of a person, you were so transfixed on not corrupting my soul, but you stole it. The day you left, my soul was gone too."
"I thought it was what was best," he says.
"What was best?" I ask angrily. "You had no right to make that decision for me. You can't just unilaterally make decisions for the both of us! We were supposed to have a relationship, Edward, not ownership."
"It wasn't like that," he objects.
"Really? You decided it was for the best, how did that end up for you?" I practically shout, but when I remember the other people in the house, I hush my voice a bit. "I was pregnant with your child! You didn't get to be there for that. Victoria came back, did you know that?" I ask, and his jaw clenches, eyes widening. Apparently not. "My life was still just as dangerous with you gone. You just weren't here to help."
"Victoria?" he hisses, and I roll my eyes.
"Yes, Victoria. That's what brought Alice back, not the baby. She had no idea about that until she got here."
"Please explain," he requests through his teeth. I look down at his hands which are balled into fists.
"She wanted revenge for James. If it weren't for the wolves neither our baby or I would be alive." He flinches but I continue. "She kept trying to catch them off guard, but when Laurent-"
"Laurent?" He rages, getting to his feet and cutting me off.
I roll my eyes at him. "Oh, calm down. Everything is fine. He came to warn me of Victoria. That's it."
He narrows his eyes at me, but sits back down and gestures for me to continue.
"Anyways, Laurent came to warn me. It gave us the information we needed to lure her into a trap. The wolves killed her in your front yard actually. I set her on fire myself."
"You were that close to the fight?" he asks anxiously. Of course that's the only thing he took from the story.
"Does it matter? It wasn't much of a fight anyways." I shrug. "But this just proves my point… You put me in more danger by leaving, all because you didn't respect me enough to give me a choice."
His head drops into his hands, and I have the urge to reach out and comfort him but I squash it. He needs to know this. He needs to understand.
"Bella, I am so sorry. Words cannot explain how sorry I am."
"Try," I mutter sarcastically.
He turns and pulls himself closer to me, and reaches out his hands to grasp mine. I should pull my hands away but I don't. "You are right. I was too selfish to see how my actions would affect you. I didn't respect your right as a human being to give you a choice, and I am so sorry. I am so incredibly in love with you, and the fact that I have put you in such danger… Well, it is going to haunt me for the rest of my days. To think that I hurt you this way, it is unforgivable. I am totally and completely sorry for everything I have done to you."
I gaze at him for a long time, words lost to me. I want to throw my arms around him and tell him I forgive him, but I would be lying if I did. It would be a great disservice to both of us if I jumped back into a romantic relationship with him so fast. Especially after bringing a child into this world together- We need to know that our relationship is on solid ground before we get too involved. But in all honesty, I want to be with him. I want us to be a family. It just has to happen slowly.
I sigh, staring into his beautiful eyes. I then whisper, "Thank you."
"For what?" he asks, confused.
"For apologizing," I say.
He smiles smally. "Well, I am sure it's going to happen a lot."
"Let's hope not." I answer wryly.
He laughs, seeming to have a weight lifted off his chest. He looks at me wistfully, and reaches out to touch my face softly. "Just so you know, I am desperately in love with you Isabella Swan."
My heart swells at his words, and I have the overwhelming instinct to throw myself at him. Can it be true? "You know I love you," I whisper back.
"How do you feel about getting married?" He asks, a wicked gleam in his eyes.
Whoa! Apparently he does not plan on taking this slow. That was out of left field.
"What? Are you insane?" I ask, flabbergasted.
He looks almost offended when he answers, "No, not that I am aware of."
I laugh, hysterical. "Edward, we aren't even together right now! What makes you think we are ready to get married?!"
"I've been ready to slip a ring on that finger for a long time," he answers matter-of-factly.
I stare at him like he is crazy, pulling my hand out of his. Marriage! Dear god, he has lost his damn mind. "Edward, I'm not even ready to be in a relationship with you yet, let alone get married!"
He looks a little crestfallen, not receiving the answer he had hoped for. "Don't you think Renesmee deserves to have her parents married to one another?"
"Maybe, if they hadn't been broken up for the last nine months!" I yelp.
He shrugs as if that doesn't really matter. I just look at him with my mouth hanging open, wondering how the hell we went from me telling him I didn't trust him one moment, to him kind of proposing the next. We have so much to work on, we don't need to be thinking about marriage right now. Not to mention it would give Charlie a stroke, and I am pretty sure Renee would disown me for getting married at eighteen.
"Listen, Edward, we have so much to figure out. Can't we just take this slow? Can we just focus on being good parents right now? I think that is what Renesmee really deserves."
He takes a deep breath and nods, though still disappointed. "Yes, I suppose you are right." He smiles at me, his eyes dazzling. "But I'm not giving up on us."
I smile back at him. "I don't want you to."
After a few moments of us just smiling at each other a quiet knock comes from the open door. I expect to see Rosalie, but in walks Carlisle cradling our daughter to his chest.
"Can I come in?" He asks, glancing between the two of us. "I didn't mean to interrupt."
"No, really, it's fine. How is my baby girl?" I ask as he walks over to place her in my arms. She is awake, eyes wide and curious. "Hey, there Renesmee," I whisper to her.
"Renesmee?" Carlisle asks. "You have a name then?"
"Renesmee Carlie Cullen-Swan," Edward announces proudly, and I laugh. "Named after all her grandparents."
"Oh?" Carlisle asks.
"Renee and Esme, Renesmee. And Carlisle and Charlie, Carlie," I say, glancing up at him.
He smiles brilliantly, and says, "Thank you. I feel honored. And I know Esme will be thrilled to say the least."
"I'm glad you approve," I say.
"You did some tests on her?" Edward asks, obviously picking something up from Carlisle's mind.
"Yes, actually," he glances at me. "I hope you don't mind."
I shake my head, relieving any guilt he felt for not having me there.
"So, I did some cursory research, taking a sample of her saliva, urine, and attempted to take a little blood," he says.
"Attempted?" I ask, cutting him off.
"Yes, it seems her skin is about as impenetrable as ours is, not that I tested that too extensively. But it didn't seem any needle could break the surface of her skin," He says, his voice burning with curiosity. "Her reflexes are extraordinary for her age, and she is unusually aware of her surroundings."
"Her mind seems more developed than most newborn babies, too," Edward chimes in.
"Anything to worry about when it comes to interacting with humans?" I ask, a little anxious.
"It doesn't seem so, but I would like to see how her skin reacts to the sun, since it does seem to be more like our skin than you," he answers. "People will just think she is very advanced, but not enough to raise suspicions, I suspect."
That's good I suppose. Will I have to keep her out of the sun to keep her safe? I had hoped to share sunny weather with her, to take her down to Florida to visit Renee, but I'll just have to adjust if it's an issue.
"I am curious about her diet though," he continues. "It seems she can survive off breast milk just fine, but I wonder if our diet would suit her as well."
I cringe at the thought of giving her blood to drink, but if she needed it I am sure I could manage.
"Of course, we don't have to test that unless it becomes necessary. I will keep a close eye on her health, making sure she is nutritionally sustained," he says, leaning over to look at her. He then looks at me, and frowns a little. "Speaking of which, when was the last time you had a meal?"
"What time is it?" I ask.
He glances at his watch, "6:37 pm."
"About seven this morning, and then I had a couple honey sticks during labor," I answer.
"Alright, then. I'll have Esme bring something up," he says before leaning down to kiss Renesmee on her forehead and exiting. After he leaves she starts to fuss, and after I check to see if her diaper is wet, I decide she must be hungry again.
"She's going to be eating a lot, isn't she?" I ask, pulling my bathing suit top down to feed her. Edward just nods, and watches our daughter eat. "I suppose I should put on some clothes too."
"Did someone say clothes?" A chipper voice says, as Alice pops into the room.
After several more hours of small talk with Edward, catching up the best we can, all the while admiring our baby. Renee and Charlie come up to say goodnight, and Charlie gives Edward the death glare, but everyone pretends like they didn't see it. They both take turns holding Renesmee before they head out for the night, and both tear up a bit when I explain the name. After they leave Edward's various family members come in and out, holding the baby and asking questions.
"Did Edward pass out?" Emmett asked teasingly when the topic of my labor came up.
"No, he was great, actually," I answered to Emmett's disappointment. He was hoping Edward had some embarrassing reaction to the situation, not that passing out was an option.
Jasper and Alice came in next, though I suspect Alice was there for moral support for him. He took his turn holding her, and smiled adoringly at her. It is interesting to see him holding a baby so tenderly.
After handing her back to me, he said warmly, "You are very happy."
"I am," I answered surely.
"It's nice to be around," he said.
Eventually both Renesmee and I went to sleep for the night, her settled on the bed between where Edward and I lay. She wakes up every couple hours to eat, while Edward handles any other need she may have while I sleep. When she does need to eat, I would just roll over, pull my shirt up and go back to knock out while she nursed. Edward would burp her, and put her back to sleep. At one point I thought I heard him singing to her, but being half asleep I can't be sure.
When I wake up, the sun barely risen in the sky, but I am wide awake. I turn over expecting to see Edward holding Renesmee on the bed next to me, but come up empty. I groggily pull myself to my feet, and gasp quietly at the soreness in my lower half. I look down to make sure I am clothed enough to exit the room, and then I slowly start making my way out. As I approach the stairs I notice the sweet melody of the piano drifting up, and I more eagerly make my way down. When I come around the corner, I stop to take in the sight before me. Edward's back is to me as he sits at his piano, playing my lullaby. On the floor next to him is Renesmee sitting in a small bouncer, staring up at her father as he plays for her. Tears fill my eyes as I watch the scene in front of me. Seeing such a raw, unadulterated moment between father and daughter is something I had never thought I'd see. And now that I am watching it, I can't believe that I wanted to do this without him.
So, first things first, yes I did use Renesmee as the name. I debated choosing something else, but in all honesty in Fanfictions where they use a different name for Edward and Bella's baby it always seems to distract from the character. Many of us are already connected to the name Renesmee (whether we like it or not) so I didn't want to use some random name that only I was connected to.
And to be fair, I don't hate the name. Is it the best? No. But it's unique.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I only have a couple more chapters planned, and then I hope to be starting some new Fanfictions. Thanks for reading! Please review 3
xoxo