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Seventeen.
Erin glanced around her apartment one last time, shards of unexpected sadness piercing her each time her eyes fell upon a different, newly emptied space. She had not planned on feeling this sort of way—it was not like she was truly going to miss New York—but, in an odd sort of way, this place, this apartment, had become her home away from home. It was the first place where she actually had to stand on her own two feet and make decisions for herself and with no one else speaking in her ear trying to influence her. Plus, as her eyes flickered towards the place's large floor to ceiling window and lingered on the corner where she had confessed to Jay months prior that she was still in love with him and watched as his usual, cocky demeanor melted away as he struggled to properly respond, Erin realized that she had some pretty good memories attached to the city. Of course, all of those good memories were, in one way or another, connected to Jay Halstead, which was enough to tell her that the choice she was making to move back to Chicago to be with him was a good one.
Jay brought a type of good to her life that no one—not her mother, not Hank and Camille, not the Unit, not her friends, not anybody—could bring to her life and she did not have to dig deep to know that she would be the world's biggest idiot to not hold onto him with everything she had, especially since it was a miracle he was even hers again to hold.
Shaking her head, Erin pulled out her phone and checked the ETA for the Uber she had ordered to bring her to the airport. Seeing that her driver was still a good ten minutes away, Erin allowed herself the luxury of enjoying the view from the floor to ceiling windows one last time. Lowering herself into the same spot that she was reminiscing about just moments before, Erin's eyes and mind got lost amongst the thick sea of people below her. Watching them, as well as the excess amount of cars that slowly passed by her building, Erin thought about just how much she was not going to miss that: the busy atmosphere that never seemed to take a moment to chill out and breathe. Chicago was no sleepy town, but it was no New York either and, no matter what nonsense her mother was now wrapped up in, she was excited to be a resident of the city once more.
Her mother. God, if there was one thing that made her hesitant about returning, it was Bunny. Not even the promise of a life with Jay was sturdy enough to maintain against the storm that was her mother. Jay had filled her in some about the showdown Bunny apparently had with Hank the day after she and Jay ran into her at the diner. He had also told her that he, Voight, and Platt made sure cops were patrolling by her place at least once a day for any sign of her.
"We're missing something Er," Jay had told her three days after he had searched her house. "With the way the place looked and how she demanded money from Hank, I don't know, something's up."
Jay's words concerned her then, and they still managed concerned her now. Especially since, two months later, Bunny seems to have completely disappeared. According to Jay, no one has seen or heard from her or about her. Not Hank, who reluctantly reached out to her once a week out of devotion to Erin and wanting her return to be nothing but "smooth sailing." Not Jay, who took the time to call in every favor that he could to track the woman down. Not any of their CIs who might have connections to Bunny, whether they may be an "old friend" or one of her many dealers. Not even Erin, who got so fed up last month that her mother was pulling shit like this again, and called her three times a day every day for a week.
"She's hopped into a hole and probably got buried in it," Hank told Erin over the phone a week and a half earlier.
She had been assured by Jay and Hank that she had nothing to worry about, but Erin knew better. The last time her mother pulled a disappearance act like this one, it ended up with both of them staring down the end of a sawed off shot gun and Hank barely making it there in time to save their lives. And when she had told Hank and Jay as much, the two swore that they would not stop looking for clues as to what the vile woman was doing.
But that was a month ago when they weren't swamped down with high profile cases. One after another, Jay barely had time to text her an "I love you" each night, let alone chase after the psychotic woman who did the bare minimum to raise her. So, here she was, two months later with no knowledge of her mother's whereabouts and deciding that she only semi-gave a damn about it. Yes, she was concerned, but her concern was categorized as purely selfish. Bunny could do whatever she damn well pleased, just as long as she did not mess around with the life Erin was trying to build for herself. And judging by the way Bunny seemed to have remembered the next day that she had seen and talked to Erin that day in the diner, Erin had a sneaky suspicion that she had not seen the last of her mother.
Before she had any more time to dwell on one of the only stressors currently in her life (which, all things considered, wasn't too bad), the chiming of her cellphone alerted her that her ride was waiting for her outside. Clambering to her feet and hastily brushing specks of imaginary dust of the front and back legs of her dark-washed jeans, Erin sighed as she indulged in one true last look of the apartment that, in less than a minute, would no longer be hers.
"Goodbye New York," Erin whispered to herself as she grabbed onto the single, large suitcase and two duffle bags that contained nothing more than a small portion of her clothes, most of her shoes, and a few miscellaneous items such as jewelry, hair and body products, and small framed photographs that had not made it in the initial pack up of her apartment three weeks prior.
Granted a rare weekend off, Jay decided to rent a moving truck and drive it to New York himself so that he and Erin could bang out as much as they could together so that she would not be left to pack up the apartment on her own. The two decided to donate most of her furniture, but things like her guest room furniture, bed, and large living room couch they decided could be of use to them in the future. So, she and Jay spent one day loading them into the moving truck and the other day packing up any decorations that she deemed necessary to bring back to Chicago with her. Erin had laughed at Jay every time he complained about boxing up one of her many decorative pieces that had been scattered throughout the place.
"If you think I am living in a place that has nothing but sports memorabilia on the walls, you got another one coming," was what Erin sniped back at each of his grumblings. Jay just continued grumbling on how he didn't see a problem with that as he dutifully packed up her desired nick knacks that consisted mostly of fake plants (because the real ones would definitely die under her watch), large pictures and posters, and little doodads that she found in a home store one day with a coworker and thought were cute. The two had also sorted through her clothes, bedding, towels, and kitchenware and loaded those up into the truck as well.
"Are you sure you're going to be able to handle unpacking all of this?" Erin had asked wearily once they completely finished packing her stuff up late Sunday afternoon. Staring into the back of the truck neither of them had been able to make out any free space; she had way more stuff to bring back to Chicago than either really anticipated on her having.
"Oh yeah," Jay had assured her confidently. "I already enlisted the whole unit and Will to help me put all of it into the storage unit you picked out."
Quirking an eyebrow up at him, Erin had responded, "You got Ruzek to agree to do manual labor for you?"
"So…I may have embellished on what exactly I needed him to do," Jay had cheekily relinquished with a laugh. "But don't worry, we'll get it all done with minimal damage."
Unfortunately, Erin did worry, especially when she got a text from Kim that contained a picture of Jay and Kevin attempting to unload her couch with Adam laying down on top of it.
Kim, Erin thought as she stepped out of the elevator and made her way to the building's front doors, had been a Godsend. It was in a sheer girlish moment that Erin decided that she needed to tell someone other than Hank that she was engaged and had quickly shot a picture of her ring and sent it to Kim before she could regret it. Since that moment, Kim had been gathering up all of the information that she could on the type of wedding Erin wanted, promising that she would help plan it to make sure that the day was perfect.
'Just as Jay predicted,' the voice in Erin's head reminded her as she watched the Uber driver get out and help load her bags into the trunk of his car. The thought of Jay had Erin pulling out her phone and discreetly snapping a picture of the driver's actions.
On my way to the airport…only a few more hours until I'm home. Attaching the photo and adding a red heart emoji to her text, Erin pressed send on the message and slipped her phone back in her pocket, knowing that Jay was most likely too busy with the current case that the team was working on to respond.
"Heading anywhere good?" The Uber driver asked conversationally from the front seat as he put the car into gear and pulled out of his parked spot in front of her former building.
With one last glance upwards, Erin looked ahead and said, "I'm actually moving back home, in Chicago."
/
"Erin! Erin! Over here!" Kim's overly excited voice greeted Erin nearly five hours later when she stepped off of the escalator that brought her up to the baggage claim area in O'Hare.
"Hey Kim," Erin said, her face splitting into a wide smile. "I've missed you!" Kim jogged towards her and pulled her into a tight embrace.
"Welcome home," the brown-eyed brunette said affectionately while tightening her squeeze on Erin. "Jay's so pissed he couldn't pick you up, but Sarge really needed his help with the two kids involved in the case. If it was any old case, he probably wouldn't mind, but a member of CFD is involved and it needs to be solved ASAP because his pension is involved—"
"Kim! Kim!" Erin exclaimed with a laugh as she wiggled loose from her friend's grips. "I know, I get it. Jay texted me and told me what was up. I saw it when I turned my phone back on." Looping her arm with her friend's, Erin began leading them towards the baggage carousel. "Besides, I'm glad he sent you to get me, we can have a mini girl's night until Jay gets back."
"Who are you and what have you done with Erin Lindsay?" Kim joked. Erin laughed and shrugged at the question.
"Blame the movie that was showing on the flight here," Erin called over her shoulder while she made her ways towards the luggage that was now circling around the area on the machine. Quickly spotting her suitcase and the bigger of her two duffle bags, Erin lugged them off the carousel.
"So, how have things been? Jay says work's been really busy lately," Erin conversed once the two were situated in Kim's car and on their way towards Jay's—no, their—apartment.
Kim let out a loud, dramatic groan at her words. "Oh my gosh, you have no idea! It's literally been one case after another after another. And not easy cases either, like big, complex cases that just mess with your head." Erin flinched at her friend's last comment.
Shortly after she left for New York after their Wisconsin trip, Jay was calling her drunk from a bar going on about how the war was a part of him, but not who he really was. Fearful for him, Erin simultaneously had tried to talk him down and get in touch with someone to get him home before he did anything stupid. Later the next day, she found out that his PTSD had been triggered once more, this time by a case involving a former serviceman bombing a mosque because of how much the building and those who frequented it brought him back to his time overseas.
"Er, I-I-I thought I was better than that, I thought I was good at differentiating and not judging," Jay had cried to her the next day when he called to explain and apologize for his actions the night before. Her heart ached for him as he told her how he gave the guilty man the benefit of the doubt just because he had served and how rash and cruel he had been when dealing with the Muslim woman who he truly believed was hiding a bomb underneath her clothing.
"Jay…what you went through…what you still go through…it's okay." To this day, Erin hated how she struggled to find the right words to say to him and how, in the end, she had come up short. It was no surprise to her when Jay ended the phone call with the declaration he was going to start attending group sessions once again.
Erin had been fully supportive when he felt that he had gotten what he could out of therapy and the sessions at the Veteran's Support Center and she was fully supportive of his decision to go back—a decision that she knew he struggled to come to in the first place.
"It makes me feel weak," he had told her after his first session back. Reassuring him that he was anything but, Erin shared with him for the first time some of her own experiences with therapy and how worthless and little she felt that she was unable to put herself back together on her own.
"If you think that therapy makes you weak Jay, then what am I?" Erin retorted, promptly shutting down all of Jay's fears at the reminder that she was his equal and needing therapy to get through something did not change that.
"Jay been filling you in some I take it?" Kim gently probed when she presumably noticed how lost in thought Erin had gotten.
Erin gave an affirming nod. "Some. How have you been handling it? Last week couldn't have been easy." Last week Kim and Hailey had been kidnapped and Erin spent a good portion of her day hiding out in her office trying to quell the rising anger and panic she felt over the fact that she was not there with her former team searching for her friend and her fiancé's partner.
"About as easy as being chained up in a basement while two thugs decided what to do with you can be," Kim said with a humorless laugh. "Hailey got the worst of it though. So, I don't really know how much I can complain compared to all of the beatings she went through."
Erin reached over and touched her hand to her friend's arm in comfort. "Kim, you got kidnapped and almost died. You're allowed to complain as much as you want. And if that's what you need to do and you don't feel comfortable talking to anyone on the team about it, well, good thing I'm not with the team anymore, eh?" She watched as Kim briefly turned her head towards her and smiled gratefully.
"I appreciate that Erin, really I do. But…" Kim hesitated for a second before blurting out, "I wish more than anything that you were coming back as a member of the team. It's just not the same without you and, and things with Hailey have been getting better but she's no you and I'm just so alone up there. Especially now with Al gone and Antonio trying to sort out his problems. I could really use a good, solid friend in the unit you know? Part of the reason I always wanted to be in Intelligence was because of you and then I joined and you left and I miss you."
Erin stared at her friend in shock. Never once had Kim said anything like that to her, their conversations were always lighthearted and fun and full of gossip. But, Erin realized sadly, Kim must have just been waiting to bring this up when they were face to face because this really wasn't a conversation to have over the phone. She knew all too well now just how badly everyone had been hurt when she left suddenly in the night. Conversations with Jay and then text messages exchanged between her, Adam, and Kevin clued her into the fact that yes, people, not just Jay and Hank, were heartbroken when she was gone. It was an alarming moment of clarity for her. Having gone through so much of her life knowing that no one cared if she lived or died, it was soul crushing to find out that her preconceived notion of herself and how others must have viewed her was wrong…really incredibly wrong.
After finding Nadia dead on that beach, it was the second hardest she had ever cried in her life.
"Kim, I am so incredibly sorry and if I could come back, you know I would in a heartbeat. But, I can't. I got stripped." Erin would never regret what she did that day in the interrogation room, but with time, she realized that she was not proud of her actions and she definitely could have acted in a more professional manner. Too many years of being Hank's protegee was not an excuse for her actions and Erin found that, in the dead of the night when she would try and defend herself, she no longer could come up with justifiable reasons for why she did what she did.
No regrets though, other than that maybe had she acted earlier, then she wouldn't have gotten caught and that little boy wouldn't have died.
But that was the past…today was the official start of her new future.
Kim spluttered incoherently, struggling to decide if she was going to say what was on her mind or not. Erin knew it was only a matter of time before Kim eventually came out with it; keeping things to herself was never her specialty.
"Hank's trying, you know? To get you reinstated so that you can rejoin the team!" Erin felt the color drain from her face at the confession.
Hank was trying to get her badge back for her? How was that even an option?
"If he could, would you come back?" The excessively hopeful tone had Erin's stomach plummeting faster than a rock falling from the top of a building.
Would she come back? Would she be able to handle it? Would she even want to?
"I don't know Kim," Erin breathed out in defeat over not knowing any of the answers to the questions that were now currently attacking her mind. "I don't know."
An awkward silence fell over the two friends as they both let the gravity of the situation fall on them: Erin may have a shot at coming back, but she might not even want it. And the teeny, tiny part of her that did was completely unsure if she would even be able to do the job she had been pushed out of faster than her decision to stick a loaded gun down a man's throat.
Being an FBI agent had broken her, shattered her into a million little pieces. And while Jay had been able to gather all those pieces up and put her back together again, some were still missing and, in regards to being a detective, they were the pieces needed to make it possible for her to do the job once more.
"I don't know," Erin whispered one last time, soft enough that Kim was unable to hear her over the music that had been playing on the radio. With a shake of her head that was meant to shuffle all of the questions over to one compartment of her brain where they could be locked away and not be revisited until an unspecified later date, Erin turned her attention back to Kim. Her friend was remarkably good at bouncing back from all things deemed unpleasant and she was not disappointing right now as she began rattling off all of the ideas that she had come up for Jay's and Erin's upcoming nuptials.
"We have to go wedding dress shopping ASAP because the one piece of advice that everyone told me when I was trying to plan my wedding to Adam was that the dress dictates the venue, what the bridesmaids and groomsman wear, everything! So…like want to go this week if we solve this case soon and don't catch another one?"
"Um, yeah! That sounds great," Erin agreed. "But, uh, isn't that a lot of pressure to put on a dress?" With the way Kim started to laugh, she began to feel stupid for asking.
"What's the point of having anything but a courthouse wedding if you don't put any thought into the dress?" Kim speculated jovially. "Actually, come to think of it, I'm surprised you and Jay decided not to do a court house wedding. Why didn't you?"
Shrugging, Erin spun together some half-assed answer about wanting something a bit more personal. Truth of the matter was, and she would never even think to tell Jay this, alongside what she did tell Jay that day in Wisconsin, she wanted to have some kind of wedding that featured a dress and a guest list and a venue because he already did the simple and easy wedding. What happened with Abby was such a touchy subject for the both of them and Erin wanted nothing associated with her wedding that would remind her of what went down between Jay and the girl he drunkenly married.
"Well, whatever the reason," Kim began, clearly seeing through Erin and knowing there was much more to the answer than what she said. "I think it's great that you two are together again. I swear, you should have seen me screaming when I saw the picture you sent me of the ring, which, by the way, is gorgeous! Halstead has good taste!"
"It was his mom's," Erin said with a smile as she glanced shyly down at the diamond ring that sat shining on her finger. Kim was right, the ring was gorgeous. Simple and elegant; exactly the kind of ring Erin would have dreamt up had she believed marriage was in her cards.
Kim gushed over the ring a bit longer before switching gears back to Erin's wedding dress.
"I know just the place we can go!" She exclaimed, snapping her fingers together as they stopped at a red light. "Ugh, can you just go to Voight and see if he will give me a day off so we can go? If it's for you and you asking, I'm sure he'll agree!"
Laughing, but knowing that Kim was definitely right, Erin agreed with a promise that she would see what she could do. With that settled, Kim spent the remainder of the drive to the apartment talking about which kind of dress styles she thought would look best on Erin.
/
It was nearing midnight when Jay quietly slipped inside his apartment. Making sure to gently shut the door so the clicking of the lock wouldn't disturb Erin if she was asleep, Jay did his best to soundlessly kick his boots off of his feet and line them up next to Erin's. Next to Erin's…she was here. In Chicago. For good. Despite his exhaustive state, Jay felt the happiest he had been since she agreed to marry him.
Tip toing his way down the hallway, he was ready to turn towards his bedroom when strands of hair laying over the side of the couch's arm caught his attention. Erin…she must have wanted to wait up for him, Jay realized with a slight pang at the thought of her arriving in her new home and sitting around all by herself waiting for him to relieve her loneliness.
Shuffling over towards her, Jay crouched down beside her sleeping body and took a moment to just watch her chest rise and fall with each breath she took. Sleeping Erin was one of his favorite sides of Erin. When asleep, she just looked so peaceful, as if the horrors in her life had been a figment of imagination and had not actually marred her. Studying her form as she slept, Jay noted that her mouth was cracked open slightly and she was wearing nothing but one of his old flannel shirts. Not really wanting to wake her, but also not wanting to let her spend her first official night home in Chicago sleeping on his couch either, he reached out and shook her shoulder gently.
"Er, babe, let's get you to a real bed," Jay whispered softly as he watched her eyelids flutter open and shut in attempts to adjust to the lack of light in the room.
"Jay?" Shivers went through his body at the husky sound of his name falling from her lips. He'd die for that sound a thousand times. "That you?"
Brushing a hand against her forward before running it through her long locks that seemed to have gained a few inches since he last saw her three weeks prior, Jay confirmed that it was indeed him. "Yeah, it's me. I'm sorry I'm so late." Sorry was an understatement; Jay had been absolutely crushed that he was unable to collect her from the airport and be the one to drive her back to the apartment they now shared together.
"S'okay, I understand," Erin mumbled, groggily lifting her arms up so that he would know she wanted him to pick her up. Obliging, Jay secured his arms around her body and carefully lifted her from the couch.
"Welcome home," he said softly before pressing a light kiss against her temple and brushing his nose against her hair. His words seemed to have ignited something in her because the next thing Jay knew, Erin was twisting around in his arms until her legs were wrapped around his waist and her arms were loosely draped around his neck. Halting his movements to see what she would do, he stared into her eyes and did his best to convey in his own just how happy and grateful that he was that she was now here, with him, forever.
Judging by the way she passionately kissed him on the lips, Jay reckoned that his silent message in the dark had been received.
It did not matter how tired the both of them may have been, their minds and bodies seemed to have come to life once their lips connected together. Heat flared up from the tip of his toes and ran up his body until he could no longer think properly. All Jay knew in this moment was that Erin was kissing him hard and she was kissing him good. Both of their arms tightened around the other as Jay stumbled down the hallway while they were still lip-locked. Just as he turned around and used the strength of his back and legs to shove his bedroom door open, Erin's tongue pried his lips open and engaged in a full on battle with his own.
Moaning at the sinful sensations her actions were making him feel, Jay blindly made his way towards his bed and, despite the intensity of their little make-out session, laid Erin down with such a such a gentleness he may as well have been handling a newborn. Once she was down, Jay took a moment to stand over her and take in the sight of her now sprawled out on his bed. In the dark, he could just make out how swollen her lips already were and how flushed her cheeks had become. His shirt was askew, making her right shoulder entirely visible since one sleeve hung off of it and the bottom was bunched up to nearly her belly button. Jay bit back a groan at the sight of the lacey piece of fabric she wore for underwear.
"You're so beautiful," he praised as he propped himself over her, making sure to rest all of his weight on his two arms so that his much larger body wouldn't crush her smaller, petite one. "You're beautiful and I love you." He dipped his head downwards and captured her lips against his own once more, this time taking his time to savor the feeling of how they felt against his own.
It wasn't until he pressed the lower half of his body against her own did Erin pull away with a breathy gasp and say in a sultry tone, "I love you too and I am so happy to finally be home."
Jay wasted no time reconnecting his lips against her own. Trailing his hands down the length of her chest, her rested them on the bottom of the shirt she was wearing and slowly tugged the material upwards. Erin, catching on to what he wanted, unlocked her arms from around his neck and assisted Jay in peeling the material off of her body.
"Fair is fair," she mumbled against his lips when she reenacted the same motions with his own shirt.
"Fair is fair," Jay smirked with a reluctant pull away from her body so that he could yank his Henley tee off. Tossing it over his shoulder, Jay let out an unrestrained groan at the sight of her bare chest rising and falling at a rapid pace to match the deep breaths emitting from Erin's mouth.
Not knowing what he ever could have done in his life to warrant such a woman in his life, Jay chose not to dwell on the specifics and the unanswered question; he much preferred worshipping the body of the woman below him.
Three weeks, in retrospect, was not that long ago, but with the way both of them reacted to the other's careful ministrations on their bodies, one would have thought that it had been years since they had been together in such an intimate way. Body aching at the primitive way his name sounded rolling off of her tongue, Jay had to utilize every ounce of self-control he had to make sure that she was properly taken of before he allowed himself to be indulged.
"Love you," Jay sighed, sounding as shattered as he felt when finally their bodies became one.
Erin's only response was to suck the tender spot on his neck while her nails raked up and down his back.
Jay had no qualms about it: being with Erin in this way was his own personal Garden of Eden. He needed nothing more than her and he'd sooner damn himself than risk losing her again.
When both of their releases had been found, Jay no longer had the strength to prop his body up over Erin's and his mind was too clouded with pleasure to even think about whether or not his body was crushing hers.
"I, I can't…I can't believe that we'll now get to do that every night for the rest of our lives," Jay managed to stutter into the crook of her neck, which was where his head was resting. Beads of sweat were dripping down his forehead and he knew that Erin was most definitely going to make them take a shower before they finally allowed themselves to succumb to the sleep they both desperately needed.
"Yeah," was all Erin could say in response. Had he not felt so spent himself, Jay would have teased her mercilessly over the fact that he had quite literally knocked the sense out of her.
They remained wrapped up with each other for a little bit longer before, as predicted, Erin found the strength and sense to order him to take a shower with her to wash the sweat off of them.
"No funny business," she wearily warned as she trudged towards the direction of the bathroom. Luckily for her, Jay chose not to heed her warning and was especially attentive to cleaning her up before bed.
"Want to borrow another one of my shirts?" Jay offered after their shower. He had quickly found a pair of clean boxers and sweats and threw them on. Turning around when Erin didn't respond, he noticed that she was standing in a few inches behind him still wrapped up in her damp towel and shivering.
"Long sleeve please," she requested. Tossing his most comfortable long sleeve t-shirt her way (a well-worn, navy blue Henley), he found himself needing to turn his head the other way when she let the towel unceremoniously drop to her feet before she pulled the soft material of the shirt over her head.
"Go to bed," Erin suggested. "I just need to find a pair of underwear to put on and then I'll join you." Biting back the comment he wanted to make about her not wearing any underwear, Jay simply complied with her words and shuffled over to his bed. With the bottom half of his body tucked under the covers, Jay gazed upon Erin as she dug through the suitcase she had brought with her today. A quick glance over at the alarm clock on the side of the bed told Jay that it was too late in the night (or too early in the morning depending how you were to look at it) to allow his mind to ponder upon just how good the back of her looked from his viewpoint.
Seconds later, Erin was letting out a victorious "gotcha!" and was bounding over to the bed. There was an occasional wince in her step, Jay noticed victoriously.
"I really did mean what I said earlier," Erin called out into the dark a short while later after she cocooned herself under the covers and against his shirtless body. Her words were dripping with drowsiness, but Jay only felt euphoria when she said, "I am so happy to finally be home, with you."
Dipping his head down and pressing a chaste kiss on the first part of her body that his lips could find, he let out a resounding, "me too," before allowing his body to succumb to the immense tiredness that had plagued him throughout the day. The last thing he heard before he completely drifted off was Erin mumbling a soft, "I love you," into his chest; the last thought that he had was that he loved her too…so, so much.
/
Wafts of sweet and bitter mixed scents were what drew Erin out of bed the next morning. Wiping the sleep from her eyes, she reluctantly padded out of the room and down the hall to wherever the glorious smells were coming from.
"Figured donuts from your favorite place and a strong batch of coffee would get you up," Jay commented when she turned the corner into the spacious kitchen area—a space that they both knew she would spend as little time in as possible.
"You went to Stephanie's?" Erin perked up at Jay's words and bounded towards where the familiar pink box sat opened on the kitchen table.
"I went to Stephanie's," Jay confirmed with a grin. Despite the dark bags under his eyes, Erin was touched by how thrilled he was that he was able to excite her so early in the morning. "I figured your first full day living here deserved a little something special to start it off. Especially since I probably won't be around at all today." Just like that, Erin watched the joy in his eyes fade away at the thought of leaving her all alone in the apartment once more.
"Babe," she said, circling over to him and wrapping her arms around his shirt covered waste. "First, thank you. I don't think I even knew how much I missed having a donut from Stephanie's until I saw the box on the table. And second, don't worry about me being here. I get it, you have a job and that job is demanding. Besides," she paused to let out a few small giggles before continuing. "I'd hate to think about what kind of troublewe'd get into if we were stuck inside all day together."
Erin's lips curled upwards deviously at the sounds of Jay groaning in frustration.
"Go eat your damn donut," he dismissed her before she gave him reason to actually consider blowing off work to find out all the different kinds of trouble that they could get in. Full on laughing now, Erin all but skipped back over to the kitchen table and pulled her all-time favorite blueberry donut out of the box. Licking the excess glaze off of her fingers, she pointed over to the pot of coffee that had previously gone unnoticed on the counter.
"Pour me a cup?" She requested as she drew her sugary up to her mouth and took a bite.
Jay teasingly asked her for the magic word, but it didn't make any difference because he had already dutifully began pouring her a large, steaming mug full of the hopefully strong liquid.
"Such a good house husband," Erin teased, accepting the cup and taking a big gulp of it. "Ugh, I forgot how good you make your coffee!"
"At least I'm good for something," Jay joked while pouring himself a mug-full and then joining her at the kitchen table.
They enjoyed their breakfast in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, both of them content with just being in the presence of the other. It was such a simple thing, eating breakfast together, but both were silently thinking about how they would never tire of doing this every morning together. Their time apart for those eighty-seven days had taught them that, if anything, they needed each other in their lives and they were never going to take for granted the time that they did have together now ever again.
"So, Kim was saying you guys got a case involving a CFD member?" Erin finally broke the silence when she was halfway through her second donut, a crazy apple cinnamon concoction. "How's that going?"
"Man, it's a mess," Jay grimaced as he finished the last sip of his coffee. "There are these two teenagers involved and we're all but going to be using one as bait today and it's just…it's been a lot. Especially since everyone but the 51 guys think we're coming after them and are hesitant to even say hi to us, let alone help us out with the case."
Erin frowned sympathetically at how haggard Jay became at the mention of the team's current case and she immediately felt bad for bringing it up. "Yeah, that's what Kim was saying." Erin purposely left her response vague and worded it in such a way that she knew Jay would latch onto her words and turn it into something else.
Since Jay discovered that Erin prematurely told her friend the news of their engagement, he got it into his head that all the two of them did when they got together was gush about their love lives. As a result, whenever Kim was mentioned, he made it a point to tease her mercilessly each time about it.
"Oh yeah?" Jay did not fail to get caught in the clever trap she left for him. Mirth began building up in his eyes as he waggled his eyebrows suggestively and asked, "What else did you and Kim talk about while I was gone?"
Laughing at how ridiculous his facial expressions were, Erin filled him in about all that the two had talked about during their car ride over. "We might go look at wedding dresses later this week," she said, unable to mask the disbelief in her tone. Despite the fact that she was now here, in Chicago, having donuts and coffee for breakfast with Jay while wearing his mother's engagement ring as her own, she still could not believe that this was her life, that it wasn't all a dream: a beautiful, bliss-filled dream. It was so much better than that; it was her actual life.
"Sounds like fun," Jay said with a knowing smile that told he knew just what she was thinking and feeling. "I can't wait to see what you two pick out on our wedding day." Erin blushed at his words and bashfully dipped her head sideways.
"It won't be anything too extravagant," Erin pondered out loud. "I may have been able to save up a lot of money working in New York since part of my deal with the FBI included them paying for my apartment but I don't want to blow it all on a dress, especially since I am currently unemployed." She paused and then added as an afterthought, "Not that working in a women's shelter is a very lucrative job position anyway."
"I'm positive that you will looking fucking gorgeous in whatever you pick out," Jay promised with immense sincerity. "And as for the money, we'll figure it out. I promise. Even if I have to go back to working a second job at that pot company we will make it work."
"You are not going back there," Erin swore darkly. "I'll work three jobs before I even let you consider going back there." Too many horrible memories were associated with that place: Terry dying and the knowledge that the boss wanted to screw her fiancé topped the list.
"Okay, well, even with that out of the question, I promise, we will figure it out. Together," Jay vowed, reaching his hand across the kitchen table to wrap around her own with a gentle squeeze. Together…they were going to figure their lives out together. The thought was so foreign, yet so reassuring to Erin all at the same time. If there was anybody that she wanted by her side as she figured out this mess called life, it was Jay. She was prepared to stand by his side through everything, which had her cautiously broaching the one thing that had been on her mind since the idea had been planted there yesterday evening.
"Kim, she uh, she mentioned that Hank was looking to see if there was a way to get my badge reinstated," Erin stuttered out. While she already had her own thoughts on this bit of information, she wanted to see what Jay thought as well. Granted, she probably should have waited until he was in a much more well-rested state of mind, but one of Jay's finer abilities was how capable and sharp his mind remained despite little to no rest in his system.
Erin was no surprised when Jay did not appear shocked by her confession. Like she assumed, Jay already knew what Hank was up too. In fact, he probably knew more than Kim did.
"He's been looking into it, yes," Jay said slowly. "Per my sources, it's something he started looking into shortly after we told him of our engagement and your decision to move back here for good."
"How's that search turning out for him?" Erin determined last night while she was waiting for Jay to come home that she was not going to even decide what she thought about this potential plot twist in her life's story until she had an idea of how plausible it's chance was at actually playing out. It was not unlikely that cops who got stripped got their badges reinstated, just incredibly rare. But, Hank himself was proof that it could happen and, in the eyes of the higher ups, he probably did a hell of a lot worse than Erin had done.
Jay glanced nervously around the kitchen as he thought about what to say. "It's going," he settled on. "Last I heard, he was setting up a meeting with some of the commanders to plead your case. The thing is," Jay added hurriedly. "This is an election year and there's so much riding on this election. If Kelton wins, you can just forget it because there will be no job in Intelligence to have because he is going to disband us the second he gets the chance. So, not only does Voight have to dig around and see if this is even possible, he is finding himself having to deal with the politics of it all and you probably know better than I do how much Hank hates politics."
Erin tilted her head and stared at Jay, absorbing all that he was saying. "So he's really been pursuing this? It's not something that he just wants to do?"
"Yeah, yeah he's really pursuing this. Especially now that Antonio's…" Jay trailed off, unable to bring himself to add the topic of Antonio into the conversation. Erin was shamefully glad that he didn't; she still could not wrap her head around the fact that Antonio Dawson, her Antonio, the man who was basically her wiser, older brother had succumbed to a drug addiction. When Jay had told her over the phone all that had gone down with that particular case, Erin had burst into a fit of angry tears over the fact that she had not been there to help him and save him from a fate she had already experienced more times than she had wanted to. She knew the signs of an addiction better than anyone, she knew what it was like to rely so heavily on something so bad and still try to function as if nothing was wrong. She could have helped him, but she wasn't there. She wasn't there for Antonio and she wasn't physically there for Jay, who struggled immensely when he found out what his friend had been going through behind closed doors. So many nights in the week that followed the news about Antonio had Jay called her visibly upset and demanding to know why this was happening to yet another person close in his life. With a shaky voice, Erin found herself trying to explain each time he called what it was like to become so dependent on something so bad. Jay, for the most part knew what she was telling him; he had struggled himself on a few occasions in his life, but his struggle never consisted a drug addiction and Erin verbally tried to console him and be there for him long distance as he grappled with coming to terms with the situation. Physically though…she hadn't been there on those nights when all he needed was to hold her close and search for the comfort only her body could bring.
Antonio and Jay aside, she hadn't been there for any of them for so long. But, that was all about to change…she was back now and never again would she turn her back on her family. It was a promise Ruzek made her make him one night when the two decided to share drinks together over a facetime call.
"I swear I'll shoot you with my very own gun Linds if you walk out on us again," Adam had burst out once he began to feel the buzz of the four beers he had down in sync with her.
"That's not ever going to happen," Erin had vowed with a slight slur, her slightly intoxicated state not taking away any of the words' meaning.
"Point is," Jay continued with a small cough. "Voight has a spot to fill and he wants you to fill it. Especially since we never filled Al's spot. So really, two spots are open and you know how much he loves outsiders." Erin's heart gave a slight twinge at the mention of her deceased surrogate family member.
Shaking the pain aside, Erin looked to Jay and asked, "What do you think about it all?" Because no matter what she thought on the matter and how her decision process would play out, none of that mattered if Jay thought it was a bad idea. She would never be able to confidently accept any job if there was any doubt on Jay's part because, as he has shown her time and time again, he really only had her best interest in his heart. Plus, they were to be married; her decisions, no matter what they be, would ultimately affect him as well.
"I think…I think that this is a conversation we need to have later when I am not about to go into work. There's a lot to think about and a lot of risks and benefits to both sides and I think sometime in the near future when we have more information, me and you are going to have to sit down and really talk about this. It's why I haven't mentioned Hank's efforts before. There's just too many unanswered questions at the moment and I would like to see some of them get cleared up and answered before you jump head first into a decision."
"Thanks Jay," Erin breathed out, relieved that he already knew and had voiced what she had been thinking. "And I don't blame you for not telling me and I'm not mad that you didn't, just so you know."
"Yeah, I know," Jay assured, bringing her hand up to his lips and placing a light kiss against her knuckles. "Now, I did mean what I said, I do have to get to work. Voight'll kill me if I show up late. Not to mention all of the endless and merciless teasing Ruz and Kev will give me if I do."
Laughing because she knew that he was right, Erin got up from her chair and walked over to Jay. "Go," she said with a smile. "I'll see you when you get home." After placing a delicate kiss on his lips, knowing that if she kissed him the way she really wanted to, he would never leave, Erin pulled away and gently shoved his body towards the door.
"Try not to fall asleep on the couch waiting up for me again. If you're tired, go to bed!" Jay advised as he headed down the hallway to where he kept his boots perfectly lined up against the door.
"I couldn't help it, I forgot how comfortable that couch was," she called out while following him to the entryway.
"Well then," Jay smirked, standing upright and reaching out to grab one of his thicker coats off of the hook. Chicago was damn cold in November and, as he found out on his early trek to get Erin's breakfast from her favorite place, today was no exception. "When I get home, I guess I will have to give you a proper refresher then." Erin smirked at his insinuation and closed the distance between them. Standing on the tips of her toes, she pressed a plethora of kisses along the underside of Jay's jaw leading up to his lips.
"I'm holding you to that," she mumbled against him. Jay said nothing, instead choosing to kiss her once more, this time much more fervently than he had all morning.
"You have to go to work babe," Erin grumbled as she reluctantly pulled away. "Go! I'll be here when you get back." Her words left him a beaming mess.
"Yeah, you will be," he said joyously before pressing one last kiss on her lips before turning around and walking out the front door.
Erin remained in the doorway well after he left, her mind buzzing with the events of the last twenty-four hours. She had finally made the move back to Chicago. After months of talking about it, of promising that she would and looking forward to upholding that promise, she had finally done it. And now that she was back, she couldn't be happier. And Jay, well, he obviously couldn't be happier either. Their life—her life—was finally, finally falling into place, all of the pieces fitting just as they should.
She could only hope that the rest of the pieces in the box would fall into place just as the others had. But, with things regarding her mom still unknown and now knowing that she will most likely be faced with a decision as to whether or not she would accept her old job back, the job she willingly walked away from both here and in New York, Erin was beginning to have her doubts that they would.
Just a heads up: Going forward, updates might get a little slower because I find I write better on my days off than on the train every day going to and from work. Feel free to leave a comment, good or bad, letting me know what you thought of this chapter!