Chapter 18

My announcement seemed to stun the lot, I supposed it was understandable.

"You're both mental," the boy moaned.

"Ridiculous."

"Peter Pettigrew's dead!" Harry spoke, but his voice felt so far away with Peter so close. "He killed him twelve years ago!"

I started shaking, quivering with either excitement or impatience. I was so close to the finish, now. After so many months. After so many years. I could finally finish what I'd started twelve long years ago. If only Harry was right and I'd managed to finish him then.

"I meant to," I growled, baring my teeth out of habit at the monster. "But little Peter got the better of me…." Oh yes, I'd paused… our previous friendship made me weak. A moment was all it had taken back then. "...Not this time, though."

With that, I lunged at Peter as my blood raced. Oh I was so bloody close! Months of searching! The boy screamed in my ear but I could hardly note it, my ears were ringing so loud.

"Sirius, no!" Remus yelled, getting a hold of me, and dragging me away. Despite the pain, I threw my arm out farther in a desperate attempt to catch him. Dammit, Remus! "Wait! You can't do it just like that - they need to understand- we've got to explain-"

"We can explain afterwards," I snarled impatiently, using every ebb of strength I had to get out of Remus' hold. If I could just get him now… just finish it! I clawed at the air desperately, pain and anger and rage pushing me past sense.

"They've - got a - right - to -know - everything." Remus struggled to hold me. Oh I didn't care! I wanted to avenge James, now, not later, not ever, I'd waited too long! I wanted to make it so Peter could never touch Harry ever again!

"Ron's kept him as a pet! There are parts of it even I don't understand."

Remus' excuses meant nothing! Peter had to die! Nothing I could muster could matter more in this moment. I'd lived with this rage for twelve years only now able to feel it!

"And Harry - you owe Harry the truth, Sirius!" Remus had hit my soft spot. Maybe the only one left in my tattered soul. Harry. I… I owed everything to Harry. This was for Harry! And… but… Remus was right, Harry didn't understand. I stopped struggling, a sigh settling through my aching bones.

"All right then," I snarled, never taking my eyes off of Peter. "Tell them whatever you like. But make it quick, Remus. I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for…" I growled low, making a satisfying noise come from Peter. The filthy bastard was hyperventilating. Like a baby… squealing, unable to get away. Well, it wouldn't be for very long.

"You're nutters, both of you. I've had enough of this. I'm off." The boy holding Peter got up, but Remus stopped him- and I almost grabbed Peter now. Remus said something quietly, his wand out, but I couldn't hear anything but Peter's panicked cries.

"He's not Peter, he's Scabbers!" The boy yelled, and I rolled my eyes. Until he tried to put the desperate traitor into his pocket again, only to fall over in the process. Harry caught him. Good lad, but I didn't like Peter so close to my Godson.

"There were witnesses who saw Pettigrew die," Harry reasoned. "A whole street full of them."

"They didn't see what they thought they saw," I snapped more viciously than I intended to. Still, how could I help it? What Harry must think of me. All down to this piece of…

"Everyone thought Sirius killed Peter, I believed it myself - until I saw the map tonight. Because the Marauder's map never lies… Peter's alive. Ron's holding him, Harry." Remus spoke.

Oh who cared if they believed, why waste time convincing them?! It would be very clear once he was good and dead!

"But Professor Lupin… Scabbers can't be Pettigrew…. It just can't be true. You know it can't."

"Why can't it be true?"

Merlin, I had to marvel at my friend's calm, his patience with the questioning children. At a time like this! At the moment patience wasn't a virtue to me.

"Because… because people would know if Peter Pettigrew had been an Animagus. We did Animagi in class with Professor McGonagall and I looked them up when I did my homework-"

I tuned out the prattle, eyeing Peter more and more hungrily. That clock was back, ticking away in my mind. Until Remus laughed, there was no time for this!

"If you're going to tell them the story, get a move on, Remus," I warned, my patience was being tested. I hadn't had much to begin with, after so long in prison… well, I had next to none. "I've waited twelve years, I'm not going to wait much longer."

"All right… but you'll need to help me Sirius, I only know how it began…"

I suddenly snapped my gaze from Peter to the door as it opened. Fear erupted into my throat again, but Remus checked… and I couldn't sense anything. It was too close to allow anyone else to come into the situation. I should just kill him now.

"No one there…" Remus said mystified. I narrowed my eyes, the place was old but… suddenly Peter squeaked and my head whipped back. My stare was vicious.

"This place is haunted." Ron said. Oh of course it wasn't. I ignored the story I knew so well, to continue my focus on Peter. That was all I cared about, finishing this. Not some stories. Twelve long, long years I'd waited to do this. So leave it to Remus to drag something out!

"Hurry up Remus," I snarled again. How many times did I need to say it? Were all the details really that important to Harry? My mind or gaze never wandered, I only needed to focus on what I'd do to Peter once Harry understood.

"I'm getting there, Sirius, I'm getting there…" Remus went on. Well he had better. I wanted to do right by Harry but I couldn't make myself wait much longer. It was odd to hear Remus almost reminisce on our schoolboy days. I hadn't heard anyone say our nicknames in so long, Padfoot… Prongs… a lifetime ago.

"What sort of animal —? .Harry started to ask what animal his father had been and I looked over for just a moment. Oh Harry. He should know it all. He shouldn't have such a look in his eyes, almost desperate to know more about his parents. I hated myself more in that moment. All I wanted to be able to do, as the girl told Remus off as if she knew anything, was sit Harry down and enthrall him with a thousand stories of James and Lily. Until he felt like he knew them.

"I sometimes felt guilty about betraying Dumbledore's trust, of course… he had admitted me to Hogwarts when no other headmaster would have done so, and he had no idea I was breaking the rules he had set down for my own and others' safety. He never knew I had led three fellow students into becoming Animagi illegally. But I always managed to forget my guilty feelings every time we sat down to plan our next month's adventure. And I haven't changed…"

I looked up again at the pain in Remus' voice. There was that old self hatred again, that we'd all fought with him so hard to get rid of. Clearly it didn't work. I couldn't say any longer that I didn't understand it. Once something like that took root, it was hard to forgive yourself again. Remus had battled with that since he was a child. The world was cruel that way.

"All this year, I have been battling with myself, wondering whether I should tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus. But I didn't do it. Why? Because I was too cowardly. It would have meant admitting that I'd betrayed his trust while I was at school, admitting that I'd led others along with me… and Dumbledore's trust has meant everything to me. He let me into Hogwarts as a boy, and he gave me a job when I have been shunned all my adult life, unable to find paid work because of what I am.

So… he hadn't told Albus. All this time I had been assuming he had. It was probably the reason I hadn't been caught yet. It didn't feel worth it looking at my old friend, at the guilt and anxiety written on his wore out face. It didn't sound like life had gotten any better for Remus.

"-And so I convinced myself that Sirius was getting into the school using dark arts he learned from Voldemort, that being an Animagus had nothing to do with it… so, in a way, Snape's been right about me all along."

"Snape?" I asked harshly, the name surprising me. "What's Snape got to do with it?" I couldn't imagine what that prat did.

"He's here, Sirius," Remus said, "He's teaching here as well."

Snivellus? A teacher!? Now I've heard everything!

"Professor Snape was at school with us. He fought very hard against my appointment to the Defense Against the Dark Arts job. He's been telling Dumbledore all year that I am not to be trusted. He has his reasons… you see, Sirius here played a trick on him which nearly killed him, a trick which involved me-"

I scoffed, a trick, he deserved as much!

"It served him right," I sneered. "Sneaking around, trying to figure out what we were up to… hoping he could get us expelled…" He had been a bitter arse. One who really should have kept his nose clean. It hadn't been so outrageous to give him what he was looking for. Well, the others hadn't thought so, but still. I tuned out the rest, I wasn't really listening.

Peter had begun squealing louder and louder, so afraid… my focus was unshakeable. That was, until I heard a new voice, an unmistakable one, even in older age. One I'd loathed longer, although not more than, Peter.

"That's right," the cold voice sneered. It was Snivellous in the flesh, pulling off the Invisibility Cloak. Why, how dare he have James' cloak all these years!