Author's note PLEASE READ!:
Ok, people, listen up. This note is very important as it directly involves the content of this chapter and is not just me rambling, so please do read it. When we get to the end of the first scene in this chapter, I have inserted a scene break along with another author's note. I have done this because I need to explain something, but don't want to do it here in order to avoid spoilers. So, when you get to it, please don't skip over it, otherwise, you might not enjoy the second half of this chapter or the two Shego chapters that follow on from it. More details when we get there.
Like the last chapter, this one too had a working title, in this case, Good day in hell from the Eagles On the border album. However, I again used the part 1, part 2 thing once it became two chapters, but abandoned it by the time it became three. So, the chapter title is simply: Dancing with the devil, a lyric from the Motorhead song, Ace of spades. The reason? Aside from the obvious reference to Shego's little devil's advocate, will soon become clear. Enjoy.
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Seventeen: Dancing with the devil
Shego had slept in that morning. After exerting all her energy in a continuous burst of plasma the previous night, she had been utterly exhausted. When her alarm clock had gone off at six am, she'd vaporized it with a single shot from her finger, rolled over and gone back to sleep. Needless to say, she'd need to replace it yet again. Eventually, at the back of eleven, she'd finally risen and staggered downstairs. While a pot of coffee had been brewing, she'd sourced copious amounts of sausages, bacon and eggs plus a full tin of baked beans, dumped the lot into a segregated frying pan and used her glow to cook it all in seconds. If anyone had known her on an intimate sort of level, this would have been akin to a flashing red warning light; telling people that she was not in a good mood. She had not even bothered to use a plate, rather sat the pan down atop a heat resistant mat on the breakfast bar and then consumed the lot; along with the full pot of coffee and half a carton of orange juice. Her appetite always ravenous the morning after such an explosion of her glow.
It was now almost half-one in the afternoon and Shego had holed herself up inside the basement. The single room spanned the entire area of the house and was probably safer from an atomic blast than most bomb shelters, even though it was just one level underground. The walls were thick, reinforced mad-science steel and durable enough to withstand even the longest and most fearsome blasts from her glow. Yes, in time she would probably be able to cut her way through, but it would take her days, possibly longer. There was also a ventilation system, made up of several small ducts, rather than a singular one through which pesky tween heroes could crawl. That was not to say that there was no escape route, should GJ somehow break in upstairs and trap her down here. That purpose was served by a single shaft, hidden by a sliding panel and secured on the inside with a large, old fashioned, un-hackable, manual bolt. No one was getting through that from the opposite side. Ok, so maybe the whole thing was overkill, but she was both a super-villain and sensible.
"…you know…"
BAM! Shego hit the Wavemaster, who's surface was a woven mesh of the same steel as the walls, with a side-kick that sent it flying backwards.
"…if you'd just…"
Fuck you! Springing into the air, she caught the punching bag on the rebound with a jumping-turning-kick.
"…how about…"
Fuck Danni! Landing on one foot, Shego seamlessly transitioned into a spinning-turning kick and then a reverse-hook-kick.
"…ok, so you're mad, I get…"
She closed to hand range and started pummelling the bag with an intense barrage of hand techniques that lasted two solid minutes.
"…if you just take a moment to…"
AND FUCK KIMMIE! "ARGH!" Shego yelled as she ignited her glow and blasted the Wavemaster across the room.
She stood there, enveloped in a bright green glow, hands wreathed in plasma, as she drew panted breaths in through gritted teeth. This was getting her nowhere. She'd been training for two hours solid, yet even in the shortest of breaks between techniques, her own personal pain in the ass had inserted itself; desperate to draw her attention to it and the events of the previous night. She could not recall the last time her own mind had been so set against her will. It was downright infuriating! Unfortunately, she was spent. Picking up a towel, Shego wiped the warm sweat from her face and headed for the stairs.
"So, now that you're all warmed up, ready for the main event?"
GO AWAY! Internally she threw a plasma ball, but as always, she hit nothing.
"Here's an idea, how about you actually sit down and listen to yourself for once?"
Hell no. I know my own mind. I just happen to be stuck with an annoying asshole that tries to derail my thoughts. She made her way out of the basement and to the kitchen.
Her devil's advocated laughed. "You make it sound as if I'm some stranger from across the street."
You might as well be as you sure as hell aren't me. I know who I am, what I want and what I need. Whereas you…
"Tell you the things that you're already thinking about, but don't want to here. We've been over this, it's my job."
Reaching into the refrigerator, Shego withdrew two bottles of water and proceeded to drain both. Really, because I've got an alternate theory.
"Oh, do tell. I always like poking holes in your theories."
You were never this annoying until two years ago. Not until after my brain got scrambled by Electronique's Reverse Polarizer. A thin, contemptuous smile formed on Shego's face. You're the result of my brain chemistry getting screwed up. A remnant of…
"Miss Go?" the devil's advocate said, stealing her thunder.
With more force than was necessary, Shego thrust her empty water bottles into the trash can and stomped towards the stairs. Yes, she spat bitterly, enraged at having the moment stolen from her. It explains your obsession with Kimmie perfectly.
"Hmmm," the devil's advocate said in an overly elongated manner, "yep, I think I like that idea of yours." An image of herself, wearing a short brown skirt and jacket with a teal turtleneck and that ridiculous headband formed inside her mind. And to Shego's horror, it opened its mouth and said, "yep, definitely like this idea of yours. Just call me Miss Go from now on."
"NO FUCKING WAY!" Shego yelled as she stormed inside her bedroom. She'd thought of the idea as a means to belittle the little bastard, only for it to weaponize it against her. The idea that any part of her was still Miss Go felt abhorrent.
"Well, that backfired spectacularly on you," Miss Go said smugly. "Got any other bright ideas? Or are you ready to sit down and have a heart to heart? I'm a really good listener, you know."
Fuck off! Going to her CD rack, she found the heaviest album she had here in her bedroom; Motörhead's Ace of Spades, quickly inserted it into the CD player and threw the volume dial up to maximum. She then headed straight into the bathroom and turned on the shower as the thundering rhythm of guitar, bass and drums exploded from the speakers as the title track kicked in.
"I can help you figure this all out."
Shego completely blanked her as she belted out at the top of her voice, "if you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your gal. You win some, lose some, all the same to me!"
"Well, that's real mature," Miss Go admonished.
"The pleasure is to play, makes no difference what you say!" She threw her head beneath the warm water and started to soak her long raven hair. "I don't share your greed, the only card I need is the Ace of Spades. The Ace of Spades!" She'd sing the whole goddamn album if necessary.
"You'll have to deal with all of this sooner or later…"
"Playing for the high one, dancing with the devil. Going with the flow, it's all a game to me!" She picked up a shampoo bottle, emptied some into her hand and started furiously running it through her hair.
"…would it be so bad to just…"
"Seven or eleven, snake eyes watching you. Double up or quit, double stake or split, the Ace of Spades. The Ace of Spades!"
"…look, if you'd just listen to your…"
Shego finished rubbing the shampoo in and put her head back under the water. "You know I'm born to lose and gambling's for fools. But that's the way I like it, Baby. I don't want to live forever."
"…you are being completely unreason.."
"And don't forget the joker!" She began to thrash her head to the furious noise of the guitar solo, which made it somewhat difficult to rinse her hair.
"…will you just stop and…"
"Pushing up the ante, I know you've gotta see me. Read 'em and weep, the dead man's hand again." She quickly rubbed body lotion onto a sponge and started to wrathfully scrub her body; electing to forgo the excess time-sink of conditioner.
"…dammit, Shego!..."
"I see it in your eyes, take one look and die! The only thing you see, you know it's going to be, the Ace of Spades. THE ACE OF SPADES!" She rinsed her body off as the final furious seconds of the track played out. And that's how you shower in just under three minutes.
"…I'm not going to go away, no matter what you do!" Miss go said firmly; hands on hips, as Shego turned off the water. "So, get dried and sit your butt down somewhere so we can talk this out."
No way! Shego turned on her glow as she left the shower and chose to ignore a towel completely today. She ran her hands through her hair and within seconds her entire body was bone dry. In fact, you've just been promoted on my most annoying people list.
Miss Go gave her a sideways look, "seriously?"
Yes! I've just had to class part of my own head as officially more annoying than Dr Drakken! So, well done, congratulations. She stalked into her wardrobe and pulled on the first set of underwear, jeans and t-shirt that came to hand.
"Ok, now you're just being facetious," Miss Go admonished in a tone reserved for difficult children.
Am I? You're the one wearing that stupid headband, not me. She pulled on her biker boots and a black and green leather jacket. Leaving Motörhead blaring, Shego stomped out of her bedroom and down the stairs.
"And where do you think you're going, young Lady?" Miss Go said, like Shego were a child about to walk out of her classroom.
I just told you, you've been promoted on the most annoying people list.
"You are not seriously about to.."
Yeah, I am and it's your fault. You drove me to it. This was drastic even by her standards, but if it did the job, she would be content. Pocketing her purse and keys, she picked up her helmet and pulled it on.
"Let's be reasonable about this…"
No, you had your chance to be reasonable. So, now I'm going to do something to drown you out. Shego opened the front door and stormed out, still not believing that she was about to do this… willingly spend her Saturday afternoon with Dr Drakken.
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Author's note: PLEASE READ!:
Ok, so Shego is off to spend her Saturday with Dr Drakken. However, as will become apparent from the first line of the next scene, Drakken has some company. In particular, our golf obsessed friend, Duff Killigan. Now, as both Killigan and myself are Scottish, it was easy for me to write his dialogue as it is supposed to be in the show; in broad Scottish. However, the problem for all of you is that, unless you also come from Scotland, his dialogue might not be that easy to understand (trust me, people from the rest of the UK have trouble understanding broad Scottish). While I toyed with the idea of simply writing him using plain English, I just didn't feel right. So, to try and solve the problem, I am going to provide a small dictionary of all the terms he uses for your reference, just in case you are left wondering what the hell he is talking about. Hopefully, this will solve any issues that arise. However, if enough people have trouble with it and let me know, I'll go back and re-write his dialogue so that he talks in boring old English. So, here is a quick reference guide to Killigan's dialect, the terms appearing in the order that they are used and I hope it doesn't cause anyone too much trouble.
Ach: conveys irritation Hae: Have Tae: to Dae: do Daft: stupid Lass/Lassie: girl Auld: Old Ye/Yer: You/your Gabbin': talking Feck: Fuck O': of Whit: what Ma: my
Cannae: cannot Ontae: onto Wee: small Beastie: animal Jist: just Aye: yes Fer: for Awa': away Fae: from Deil: Devil O'er: over Havers: nonsense
Nowt: nothing Aboot: about Dinnae: don't Laddie: boy Wis: Was Twa: two Wisna: wasn't Caird: card Wi': with Eejit: idiot A'ways: always Soonds: sounds
Unca'd: uncalled Mare: more Hoo: how Hae'in: having 'im: him Widnae: wouldn't Sae: so Oot: out Ba's: Balls Shi'd: should A': all Gonnae; going to
Disnae: doesn't Faird: afraid Smashing: excellent (Spankin') Gae: go Morin: tomorrow Ca'd: called Bes: best
##
"…Ach, no. Why'd it hae tae be green!" the voice was accompanied by an awkward shuffling sound, followed by a heavy slap of sweaty flesh on plastic.
What the hell? Shego thought as she made her way along the corridor that led from the hanger to the main chamber of the lair. Instinctively she ignited her hands and crept forward. I'm sure I recognise that voice.
A sound akin to a laugh that Shego also thought she recognised then echoed towards her.
"Oh, you big meanie!" There was another shuffling sound that too was followed by a heavy slap.
What on earth is going on in there? Was that…
She heard the laugh again, only this time it was louder and had an evil tone to it.
"Oh, come on! That's not even possible!" the unmistakable voice of Dr Drakken exclaimed.
Shego allowed her glow to die as the doors to the lair's main chamber opened and she was greeted by the sight of… "what the hell!" she exclaimed. On the floor in the centre of the room was Drakken, DNAmy and Duff Killigan, their collective limbs entangled in a twisted mass atop a plastic mat.
"KIM POSS…" Drakken exclaimed, however, stopped mid-sentence when he finally managed to tilt his head to look at her; his right foot struggling to reach a red circle. "Oh, it's just you, Shego." The colour then drained from his blue face. "wait… SHEGO!" he said in alarm, "…what are you doing here?"
"Playing the role of Kimmie, apparently," she said then burst out laughing at the situation. Her boss, Dr Drakken, super-villain extraordinaire, along with two others from Princess' rogue's gallery were playing Twister! You couldn't write this sort of thing if you tried!
"Now, there's an idea. Why don't we invite that nice young Kim Possible to be our fourth player today," DNAmy said, a thoughtful expression covering her face. "I bet she'd be really good at this game."
Dr Drakken looked mortified at the suggestion. "What! Kim Possible! I'm not inviting my nemesis to game day!" His tone then shifted to a grumble, "besides, it's practically cheating to have such a nimble body when playing Twister."
"Ach, why'd we need tae dae a daft thing like that?" Killigan chipped in. "The young lass here will be a perfect stand-in for auld DeMenz."
Still so busy laughing at the ridiculous sight before her, Shego did not register what the Scotsman had just said. Instead, when she finally managed to control herself, she addressed Drakken, "seriously? This is what you do with your weekend? Invite some of your villain buddies around to play Twister?"
"Well, it's not just twister. We've got Monopoly, Clue, Jenga and World Domination over there." He raised a hand from the mat and pointed to a stack of other board games on the table. "There's even a deck of cards."
A squeak, that sounded oddly like an admonishing, "ut-uh," drew Shego's attention to a chair positioned just beside the edge of the mat. Leaning against its back was the Twister wheel and beside it, shaking its pink head was…
"Is that the buffoon's naked-mole-rat?" she exclaimed and watched as the creature hopped down from its perch, bounded over to Dr Drakken, jumped up to his outstretched hand and bit it.
"YEOW!" Drakken yelled as he tried to shake the naked-mole-rat off.
Shego burst out laughing again.
"I told you, he's an awful stickler for the rules is little Ru-Ru," DNAmy said.
"Ok, fine, I'll put it back," Drakken said irritably and put his hand back on the mat. The naked-mole-rat released its grip.
Shego looked between the pink rodent and DNAmy. "So that's not Stoppable's naked-mole-rat?"
"Oh my, no," the woman replied. "This is Ru-Ru, my naked-mole-shark."
Ru-Ru, who had hopped back onto his perch, turned around to show her the small fin on his back and then opened his mouth to show off a set of razor-sharp teeth. He then let out an evil little laugh.
Ah, another one of Amy's crackpot Cuddle Buddies. "But you used the DNA from Stoppable's naked-mole-rat to create him, right?"
"Why yes, of course. That little scamp was far too intelligent for me not to," DNAmy replied. She then glanced up at her creation, "but he's got quite the naughty streak in him, don't you Ru-Ru."
The naked-mole-shark nodded and laughed evilly again.
"That must have come from his mother's side," the woman finished airily. "You just never know how the little cuties are going to turn out when you pull that lever."
"Enough of yer gabbin' woman. Are we no playing the game?" Killigan then said irately.
Ru-Ru promptly spun the spinner and let out an evil, "heh, heh, heh," when it came up left foot blue.
"For feck sake!" Killigan exclaimed. "I'm tellin' you, that naked-mole-shark o' yours is cheatin', Amy."
The man shifted his leg and Shego had to quickly avert her gaze as she caught sight of exactly what a true Scotsman keeps under his kilt.
"Argh! Duff, that's my hand!" Drakken exclaimed."
"Whit's yer stupid hand doing there, Drew? That's where ma foot's goin'."
"You can't just knock someone's hand off a spot and take it as your own! That's cheating!"
"Indeed, it is not! If you cannae hold ontae yer spots, that's no ma problem!"
Shego watched the two villains' hand and foot tussle over the spot, noting that the naked-mole-shark was quite content to allow the squabble to play out for its own entertainment. When Killigan eventually won, Ru-Ru hopped down off his perch to finally deliver his ruling.
"AH YA WEE BEASTIE!" Killigan roared when the naked-mole-shark sank its razor-sharp teeth into his foot. Apparently, it was cheating to steal someone else's spot.
"I told you, he's a stickler for the rules," DNAmy reiterated with a light chuckle.
"Thank you," Drakken declared victoriously as he reclaimed his spot.
Killigan, on the other hand, was forced to twist his foot onto the next available one. "This is jist no golf!"
With one final laugh, Shego turned to leave. Yeah, totally not getting involved in this weirdness.
"Are ye no staying to play, Lassie?" the Scotsman then said, causing her to spin back around.
Shego's eyes surveyed the scene before her once more. "Oh, no. No, no, no. I am not getting involved in… whatever this is."
Drakken then looked up at her, "oh come on, Shego. We're short a player since DeMenz is in jail."
"You mean Dementor?"
"His real name is DeMenz." Drakken's tone then turned sarcastic, "can you imagine, a villain with a normal name…" he looked her up and down, "…Sheridan…? Sheena…? Lizzie…?"
Shego burst out laughing, "not even close." Serves him right for trying to use sarcasm against me. "And so not happening, Dr D. See you on Monday."
Drakken then fixed her with what she could only assume was his best attempt at replicating Kimmie's infamous puppy-dog-pout, only with his blue features and scar, it looked more grotesque than cute. "Please, Shego. Most of these games are better with four players and it really is a lot of fun."
"It really is," DNAmy added. "I was sceptical too when Drewbie first proposed the idea. But it's turned out to be one of the highlights of my social calendar. In fact, it's one of the reasons I now have a social calendar."
"Aye, it's good fer a laugh. Sometimes ye need a bit o' time awa' fae the green if ye catch ma drift," Killigan chipped in.
"Still not happening," Shego reaffirmed and quickly turned on her heal.
However, before she even made it to the door, the image of Miss Go had filled her mind. "Well, look who came sulking back," she said with a sly smile. "Quite the pickle you've got yourself into here."
How so? Shego spat internally.
"Well, since I wholeheartedly approve of you joining in, you'll be doing what I want you to do if you stay. And if you leave, you'll be stuck having to deal with me and the stack of problems we need to discuss. Your lack of socialising being chief amongst them."
Shego quickly ran this through her head as Miss Go added her drinking habits and Kimmie to the list and came to the same conclusion, shit! What the hell do I do now?
"I think this is what they call check-mate," Miss Go said with a light chuckle. "Now, go have fun with your new friends and I'll see you when you get home."
I hate you, Shego spat bitterly, but knew she was beaten. If it was a choice between Drakken and his weird friendship circle or dealing with her own internal problems, she'd take Drakken; that choice had already been made when she hopped on the Blackbird and zoomed from home to the lair. She'd just never imagined to find this waiting for her. Urgh, why couldn't he just be building another death-ray?
With a sigh of defeat, Shego turned around, but not before Miss Go made one final parting remark, "good, Girl. Now, have fun."
The three faces before her all brightened as she pinched the bridge of her nose and walked back towards them. Ru-Ru rubbed his little paws and sniggered at the prospect of fresh meat to chomp down on. This was going to be one long afternoon.
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Author's note:
Ok, so I hope Killigan's dialogue didn't give you too much trouble. As you will all have guessed he's going to appear in the next two Shego chapters, so there are more terms in his dictionary than he used in this chapter. Anyway, I'll see you in a moment as we go back and see how Kimmie is getting on.