You will have to forgive some of Kazuma's more arcane references in this chapter. Some of them I can parse after having spent most of my life around the man, but others frankly have me just as baffled as the rest of you. Vegas, at least, I can identify as what Kazuma would have called "a wretched hive of scum and villainy." So, essentially, his favorite sort of place. -NS
If there's one thing that's easy to forget about Iris, it's that she is, in fact, a very important person. She's royalty, and royalty actually don't typically just hare off across the countryside having random adventures. Or at least, so I've been told. Thus, when we arrived in Elroad, sweaty and travel stained, the reception we received wasn't quite the one I had been anticipating.
Mostly, I had thought the guards would check us over, decide we were a group of Adventurers, and direct us to the local Guildhall or maybe an inn. Instead, they took one look at Iris, and their faces went pale. Then they yelled for their captain.
"You are...nobility from Belzerg?" the man asked, looking worried as he hurried up to us. There had been a line of wagons and travelers on foot ahead of us, but we were hurried to the front of the line.
"We're just a group of Adventurers here to relax at a casino," I told him as Iris hastily pulled up her hood. It was hot and sunny in Elroad, and she'd even been considering taking her armor off.
"But she is...that is the royal crest of Belzerg, is it not?" the captain asked. He eyed Iris, then bowed low. "Please, my men can escort you to the Sultan's Palace, you shall be most comfortable there."
"I think an inn or the local Adventurer's Guild would be more appropriate. This is my sister, Alice. I am...Gonbei Nanashi. With us are our friends, Fortuna and Pain, as well as my fiancée, Arue of the Crimson Demons." I picked a name Yunyun had brought up when she talked of her home, since she wasn't going to pass for anything but a Crimson with her red eyes.
Unfortunately, my claiming she was my fiance made Yunyun gasp and her eyes glow. The guards (and me) seemed to assume this meant she was angry. They also seemed to have a general idea that an angry Crimson Demon was just about the last thing you want to have on your hands, a not untrue assumption.
"Ah, I see," the captain said, dry washing his hands and stepping away. "Well, my men shall take you to the finest Casino in Elroad, the Paden-Paden. Please, right this way, no need for you to wait in line."
I was happy enough to accept the special treatment, as Elroad in June is a sweltering oven of a place. We were led inside the white washed adobe walls, the guards bowing low to us, their turbans removed from their heads as we did so, showing their red and brown hair. I've always found it interesting that people from Elroad don't really resemble any people group from back on earth, having swarthy skin, but wavy and curly hair that is either light brown or a reddish, coppery color, with eyes that range from Hazel to a yellowish color that makes me think half of them are jaundiced.
Their architecture is a bit like that of the pueblo indians from the Americas, made mostly of adobe brick or stucco, reinforced with wood from the ironwood and mesquite trees that grow in the area. The language, however, seems to be descended from both Spanish and Gaelic of all things, which might explain the coloring. As for the city itself, it honestly rather resembles pictures I've seen of Las Vegas. There are bright lights and signs everywhere, gambling dens at every corner, and all sorts of delights and attractions. Especially the gentlemen's clubs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I'm still a wanted man there, I'd probably have retired to Elroad: it's a hedonist's natural habitat. But even with Ivar finally dead, the casinos have a long memory.
As it was, we hadn't gone far before Eris grabbed Iris and Yuki and hauled them off to talk about some such. I was just about to head after them when Yunyun pulled her horse up close to mine. "Um, Kazuma? Why...why did you say I was your fiancée?"
"Oh, well, er, you see, I was just trying to get us past the guards. Sorry if I offended you," I said, giving Yunyun my very best "please-don't-call-lightning-down-on-me" smile.
"O-offended? Um, no, I just," Yunyun looked away, and when she spoke she sounded strange. "Never mind. So, um, what's your plan?"
"Well, Wiz said Vanir was attracted by despair, right? So, I figure we hit up the casinos. Sniff around there. Gamblers on a losing streak are always full of despair," I suggested.
Yunyun eyed me sideways. "Are you sure you don't just want to try to get rich? You can lose a lot of money in a casino, Kazuma."
"No, other people lose money. I merely view casinos as a bank branch with an unlimited line of credit," I told her with a grin and a wink.
Yunyun sighed, but shrugged. "Well, don't say I didn't warn you. But Iris isn't going to be happy with sitting around watching you gamble."
"I'm certain she'll find something to keep her entertained," I said dismissively. I glanced at Yunyun, suddenly frowning. "Aren't you upset that I want to spend my time gambling?"
"Honestly, I could use a break," Yunyun admitted. "I'm not Iris or Yuki. Sitting around and playing some games sounds fun, and it's not like we don't have money to spend. Sure, It would be nice to find this Vanir and retrieve those Sacred Treasures and put down another general of the Devil King, but, well…" Yunyun licked her lips and glanced at me.
"But why?" I asked, frowning. "I'd just assume we not go galavanting about fighting generals of the Devil King personally. I had assumed the rest of you enjoyed it."
"Well, I mean, I do like getting to use my spells to help my friends, but, um, really? I'd rather just spend time with all of you," Yunyun admitted. "And, well, when we defeat the Devil King...will we still be friends?"
"Of course, I did promise after all," I assured Yunyun.
"Well, yes, but...my dad talks about his Adventuring days, back before he settled down to be the Chief. Sometimes his old friends visit, but not very often. What if...what if we turn out like that? When I only see all of you sometimes?"
For some reason, the thought of not seeing Yunyun made me feel as though I'd just eaten far too many bites of something dipped in wasabi, as I felt a burning sensation in my chest. "Well, you're going to be the chieftess of the Crimson Demon Clan, right? Suppose I settle there. We'd be able to see one another as often as we like."
"R-really!?" Yunyun gasped, and her eyes started glowing again, though this time I could tell it wasn't in anger. "You mean it? M-maybe you could find a nice Crimson Demon boy! Um, they're a bit strange, but, well, you like Megumin, so, um maybe?"
"She is definitely not my type," I said, grimacing and looking away.
That seemed to deflate Yunyun. "Oh." Then she brightened. "Oh, you mean, she's a girl! Well, there are male Crimson Demons, you know. We just...well, I think someone set off a curse in the village, because there are way more girls being born lately than boys. It does sound like something one of my people would do, either as a prank or because they accidentally angered some deity."
Well, that made the Crimson Demon Village all the more appealing. I can tell you right now, whoever thinks the fertility rates among the Crismon's is a problem is either wrong or as gay as I was supposed to be.
"Sounds charming. Though really, the main reason Megumin isn't my tiype is she's apparently got a dark god as a pet. The woman is unstable."
"That is…a bit much," Yunyun admitted. "You're um, still friends though, right?"
"I personally make it a habit of being friends with everyone who can level a city at a word. You live longer that way." Yunyun looked at me skeptically, and I grinned. "Why do you think I cosied up to you?"
Her response was stifled by the fact that we'd arrived at the Paden-Paden, and we both drew rain, gasping in shock and appreciation. My initial impression was that whoever had designed the Paden-Paden had to have been from Earth. This would later be proven true, and they were in fact yet another young Japanese unfortunate. In any case, the Paden-Paden is an unmistakable structure, being at least 20 stories tall in a world that typically caps out at less than half of that, and made of shining white marble. The whole thing is a bit ruined by the tacky glowing magical signs, but then again it does make it look like it was lifted out of the Vegas Strip.
What that did mean, however, is that there were valets to take our horses, dressed in snappy uniforms like those of a bellhop from the 20th Century on Earth.
"Are you the Belzerg nobility?" one of them asked, uncertain. "The gatehouse sent word."
"Not a chance, my good fellow," I said, flipping the boy a 10000 eris piece. "I will, however, require the services of a money changer who is in contact with the Bank of Axel. And I think, hmm three suites? Or would you ladies mind sharing?"
"We can share!" Yunyun said hurriedly.
"Very good. Your two best suites. Hmm, I think a wardrobe change as well. Can you put me in contact with a few tailors? And perhaps a good armorer as well, Alice will want some things I think."
"Of course sir!" the boy said eagerly. "Right this way!"
"Um, what about Buttercup?" Yunyun said, looking longingly at her horse.
"Let the help see to her, you've spoiled the poor creature enough, dear," I said, tucking Yunyun's arm into my own. She flushed and looked at me, and I grinned and leaned in close. "We're engaged, remember. I know it's a bother, but at least in public we must keep up the facade."
"O-oh, um, of course!" I should have registered the expression on her face. Then, perhaps, we could have been spared a great deal of pain, and several near death experiences.
I, however, was too enraptured by the dazzling display before me. The Paden-Paden was a truly marvelous place, full of bright lights, sounds, and every sort of sin imaginable. There were the expected vices of gambling and gluttony, but also dozens of others. I spotted more than a few ladies of the night, and pretty boys as well, though with Yunyun on my arm they ignored me.
At first the manager frowned at us, travel stained as we were, but once I presented my credentials, he was all smiles. You see, I had been stashing away a tidy sum under the name of Gonbei Nanashi for some time, amassing over 100,000,000 eris in my private account. This established us as "high rollers," and therefore persons of some interest. The other three joined us shortly, and I informed them that I had commissioned a tailor to make appropriate clothing for an extended stay at a resort.
"What? But we're supposed to track that brat down and kill him!" Iris ranted. "And I suppose that general too."
"Ah, but our prey is wary. We must look the part, dear Alice," I told her. Then I nodded to a nearby sign. "Besides. I think I've found something to amuse you."
Iris turned, and her face immediately lit up when she saw the advertisement for the Pit Fights. You see, for reasons that I'm certain you are all familiar with, bloodsport had just become legal in Elroad. The Paden-Paden had recently constructed the largest pit fighting arena in the world, and was advertising the ability for contestants to enter Gauntlet, a collection of some of the most deadly, dangerous, and hideous monsters from across the globe.
They had everything from a herd of gorgons to a Spengian Death Strike to, of course, an Elder Gold Dragon they had somehow enticed into the pits and captured for the end of the Gauntlet. It had been running for just over a month, and so far no one had made it more than a few rounds before being eviscerated. Which made Iris think it was practically an early Christmas present.
"Iris, we're here to investigate the stolen Sacred Treasures, and to stop Vanir," Eris said, her tone firm.
"Right, but, um, entering the Pit Fights will help with that! Right, Big Bro?"
"They could, but only if we play our cards right," I mused, rubbing my chin. "Vanir feeds on despair, right? Well, we'd have to create an atmosphere of utter despair to lure him in."
"Well, what if I almost lost? People would feel bad about that, right? I bet I could pretend to be losing!" Iris said, a huge and manic grin on her face.
"No, no, they want to see someone get ripped to shreds, so that wouldn't work," I said as I shook my head. I blinked. I had an idea. An awful idea. A wonderfully, terribly, awful idea, that would result in me getting stinking rich. "Iris...how morally opposed to wearing a cute dress are you?"
She eyed me skeptically. "Well, I'm not entirely against the idea. Dresses are not completely dreadful, I just prefer my armor. Which I seem to have had to put away. Thanks for ordering that armorer for me, I should have a new set soon, even if it's not adamantoise."
"I was just thinking...how would you like to entire the next Tournament in a cute little pink dress? With some ribbons in your hair, I think. It's a doubles match, so Yuki should enter as well. Either as a maid or butler, I think. Up to you."
"Why on earth would you want her to fight in a dress, Kazuma?" Eris demanded. Then her eyes went wide. "Oh my. That's… devious. Hmm. That might just lure in Vanir, too. I take it you'll be placing the bets?"
"Wait, why do you want them to enter the tournament in such terrible clothes for fighting?" Yunyun asked, looking worried. "How will that make everyone despair?"
"Yeah, everyone knows I can beat up any monsters in the Gauntlet no matter what I'm wearing. Why would they feel despair?" Iris asked.
"I want to enter the Gauntlet! We can inflict much pain on all the monsters!" Yuki put in eagerly.
"Well, here's the rub: you're not Iris Stylish Sword Belzerg right now. You're Alice. Charlie Brown from outta town. No one will bet on a cute little girl and her maid to clear the Gauntlet. Except for me. So, the more you win, the more despair the gamblers will feel. Win the whole thing, and the only one walking away with any cash will be me, and whoever else put in a pittance on a long shot."
"Um, is it really a good idea to have our friends participate in a gladiatorial death match?" Yunyun asked, looking rather distrubed at the prospect.
"Oh relax, it's Iris! I'm more worried about the monsters," I said.
"I shall make them beg for mercy!" Yuki agreed, practically salivating at the very idea.
Eris seemed to consider this, then shrugged. "Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt. I can heal any wounds you suffer, and, well, Fortune Doesn't Favor Fools. Any who bet against you clearly didn't do their research."
"I guess...if you all think this is a good idea?" Yunyun asked hesitantly.
"We'll be rich!" I promised, throwing an arm around Yunyun's shoulders. "Besides, it's my little sister! Do you honestly think anything they have here could actually threaten her?"
"Ha! I shall claim victory!" Iris cheered. "Come, let us adjourn to the tailors! Yunyun, we must pick out matching dresses! Even if you shall not be competing, I shall insist that you cheer me on in an appropriate fashion!"
That melted the last of Yunyun's resistance, and together with Yuki and Iris, they hurried off to get their outfits prepared. As they did so, I stepped close to Eris.
"So. What's your position on card sharking?" I asked quietly.
"If you can't afford to lose, don't sit down at the table," Eris said, a gleam entering into her eye. "It's been a while since they let me into a casino. But we must be careful, Kazuma. We don't want to get kicked out before Iris has her fun."
"Of course, of course," I agreed. I glanced over at the tables. "But we have time for a few hands, right? What's your game?"
"Hmm. I'm a fan of Blackjack, myself. You?"
"Poker. It's not just about reading the cards: it's about reading the people."
"Divide and conquer?" Eris suggested, a mischievous grin on her lips.
"Of course. Just make sure to flub a few hands. Don't want to come off too far ahead," I agreed. "Let's say, a low starting bet. 100,000 each?"
"We'll see who can double it first," Eris agreed eagerly, rubbing her hands together.
I snorted. "Not a chance I'm going in against you. I've seen your luck stat. Is it even possible for the cards to go against you?"
"Well, I think it happened once. But that was when I was with Aqua, and very drunk. Her luck really is terrible," Eris sighed.
"Don't see any Axis Cultists here," I mused. "Your sort?"
"Oh yes. My religion is very popular with gamblers. But as I said: I don't favor fools."
"And yet you stick with me," I chuckled. "Come. Let's get our chips. I think this shall be a most amusing evening."
As it turned out, I would have won that particular bet, but only because Eris was an expert. She quickly got a few drinks in her (goddesses, it turns out, only get drunk if they wish to) and played the perfect tittering sucker. She won a few hands, lost a few hands, then got excited when she won and made a few big bets, cleaned up, then lost a couple of hands in a row, always coming out just barely ahead. She really strung it out that first night, but it helped that I'm fairly certain Eris knows exactly what card is coming on next in a deck. She looked like a lucky beginner, but it was the house that got rolled.
As for me, I sat down at a medium stakes poker game. Well, for me. A 100,000 eris buy in is chump change at some of the tables I've played at. Still, I did my best to appear to be a fool; folding when I had a winning hand, over playing mediocre ones. My tablemates were a mixed bag, from a few rich nobles, to a couple of tourists, to three serious gamblers, one of which I had pegged as a fellow shark.
Previously, my experiences in gambling had been limited to online poker rooms and a few back alley games as well as some games at my school for bits. I'd had to mostly stick to the online stuff, as in person I tended to get beaten bloody when I got on too much of a hot streak and would have walked away too much of other people's money. Thus, I'd learned to moderate myself, and win, but not by too much.
And so, I lured them all in, even the other predators, until the perfect storm of a hand came and my luck told me it was time. You see, I've always had a bit of a second instinct for when my luck is "in" so to speak. A lot of veteran gamblers will tell you the same, when they just know that the cards are going their way, and that nothing can stop them. It's a great sense of euphoria, but you have to be careful that you're not drinking your own kool-aid and letting yourself get suckered.
But when that hand was dealt, I could practically hear Eris whispering in my ear, despite the fact she was three tables over. You see, the cards that had been flipped gave the other shark four of a kind, I just knew it. But they gave me a shot at a straight flush. Not a royal flush, the odds of that are far too long. I had the six and nine of clubs, and the seven and five had been flipped, along with the seven of diamonds and the queen of clubs. I knew, just KNEW, that the last card to be flipped would be the eight of clubs. My opponent thought I was going in on a fair hand, probably two pair, or more likely a flush. I did have the flush, but I knew I was going to get the real goods.
And so, we both bet freely, along with the last of the suckers, who thought they had a good hand with a flush. And then, they flipped the eight. Just like I knew they would. I could see my opponent look worried, but they evaluated the possibilities, and decided by how I had been playing that I likely just had a flush. So they went all in. That's what you do when you're holding up four of a kind.
The look on their face when I showed my cards when the time came to call was priceless.
"Well, it looks like I just got lucky," I said, grinning and shrugging as I scooped up my winnings. I glanced over at Eris, who winked at me.
Fortune, it seems, does favor a certain fool. But as long as it's me, I don't think I shall complain overly much.
As it turns out, there has been a curse on the Clan over the past few decades that resulted in an usually high number of female children. However, as this has boosted tourism revenue with the introduction of the "Maid Cafe" that Kazuma built, no one seems to particularly mind. In any case having a dark and terrible curse on one's race is rather appealing to those who favor the dramatic lifestyle. And any Crimson who can't perform the counter curse when they want to isn't worth the red in their eyes.- NS