Chapter 16: Reclamation
It should not happen the way it does, he is certain. The moment he comes face to face with her at his door he should leave her on the other side of it, and send her on her way with angry words. He should feel all of the impulse to tear into her with poisonous insinuations, to hurt her as much he hurts. He should, really, because he has been so angry with her those days. He has thought of going to her and messing with her head, the way Alfred did mess up with his. He has thought of destroying the family she loves, dreaming of vengeance.
And he stayed away and stewed those fantasies away, hating himself for the images that swam and crowded in his mind. He has thought of that light she has inside, that sometimes makes him to hurt while looking at her - a sweet kind of hurt, a sort made his heart contract and expand out of the sheer impossibility that someone so good wanted him around, and thought him whort something. He has wanted to protect that light, staying away, certain that as soon as he saw her again he would have proved himself unable to try and succeeed in exstinguishing it forever, and just as certain he would have not been capable to stay away indefinitely.
He has thought of her pushing him away too, of becoming to her some dirty secret whose stain she would be desperate to wash away, and raged and wanted retribution for those imaginary wrongs too.
He did not want to see her becoming one of them for good, one of the people he hated and loathed and wanted to hurt. If she reacts like that, he is sure nothing will stop from going to Springfield and devote all of himself, for whatever longit takes, to destroy anything she has ever loved.
He should have sent her away, spared both of them the pain to come, because it was, all of it, unavoidable.
Instead he he stepped aside and let her in, and felt again in his bones that impulse to protect her from himself.
"Sandy came to me claiming we are cousins."
She says like she asking, those big blue eyes frantic in worry as they rake over his face, looking for clues.
He nods, reaching out for a bravado that wont come to him, no matter how much he wills it to.
"Yeah. It looks like it might be true."
"Wow, that's …."
She lowers her gaze and casts it to the side, away from him, biting her lips anxiously.
He feels like she is slipping away already, out of his reach.
His hands reach for hers, like if by their volition. "Let's not make it something more than biology. Your family is not my family , it has not been since Reva gave me away. I have never wanted anything from them since the moment I knew I was adopted. We did not grow together. Even genetically we are only half something. It barely signifies anything. It does not need to change anything. "
He delivers it so smoothly, he is surprised by hiw own confidence. Everything has changed, and he stands there, lying to her, bracing himself for the moment she will tell the truth and cut forever this chord that stubbornly joins them.
He is waiting for it, actually, preparing for the moment he will have once more nothing else than rage to sustain him. Then he will be able to move on planning his vengeance without this weight on his chest at the idea of hurting her in the process.
He is not expecting what truly happens.
Her hands squeezing his hands, her eyes meeting his eyes again, burning like embers with some strange convinction.
"I don't want it to be over, what we have."
Her words stir a whole new, wild feeling burning in his veins - an ache, a fever, a nearly delirious elation.
"Let's not end it, then."
She is leaning in and kissing him, next thing he knows, and something different than they had before. Sweet and slow, but burning like a brand, a most gentle reclaiming of the understanding between them.
She has him and he has her and they fit as perfectly together as they bodies do, altough there are far too many reasons it should not be that way.