you're not good for me

You're no good for me
But baby, I want you

— Lana Del Rey, "Diet Mountain Dew"

"What do you want." It wasn't a question. Santana's words rarely were.

"I'm sorry," Sebastian blurted, before he chickened out.

"Really." He could hear the harshness in her voice. Santana Lopez never did forgive and forget easily. She always preferred to hold her grudges tight to her chest, wear them in her heart, keep them underneath the surface to fuel the anger that would undoubtedly bubble from her at one point or another.

"Really. I was out of line. You were right… I was trying to hide, to be the perfect guy that my dad always wanted me to be. I thought that if I could just get my perfect life together, then I'd finally get my dad's approval." He paused. Where the actual fuck did that come from? He'd meant to apologize, not go all deep and psychoanalyze himself. But yet, here he was.

He could hear her breathing over the line in the silence following his admission.

"Okay," she said softly.

"Okay?" he asked, a little incredulously.

"I'm sorry too." She sighed, a little huff. He could practically see her letting the air from her lungs. Belatedly, he wished she were here with him. Wished he was doing this in person. "I was out of line too," she admitted. "I was honestly a little jealous of Celine. She's the perfect girlfriend, smart and rich and classy. Not that I'm not a hot piece of ass, but you know. She's everything I'd never be."

They're both quiet. They were never one for phone confessions, and yet. Here they were.

"Where are you?" he asked suddenly.

"Rachel and Kurt's apartment. They're out. I was going over lines for my audition." The curiosity in her voice bled through the phone.

"Can I come over? What's the address?"

She gave him the address and tried to ignore the fluttering of hope that sprouted in her chest.

He was dressed more casually than she'd seen him in a while, decked out in grey sweats and a soft green t-shirt that brought out the hues of his eyes. His hair was messy, like he'd run his hands through it several times in frustration. Honestly, he probably had.

Santana glanced at the clock. "Wow, Smythe. Ten minutes. Record time in New York traffic."

He was a little out of breath, but he grinned anyway. "Couldn't wait to see you, Lopez."

Santana grinned back. The stupid feeling of hope wouldn't go away. In fact, it was growing stronger. "So, what did you want?" she asked carefully.

His eyes closed for a long moment. Santana was just about to ask if he was okay when his eyes sprang back open and there was a fire in them she hadn't seen in a long while. He strode in, slammed the door, and crashed his lips into hers.

Santana felt like her heart was going to explode.

"Celine?" she mumbled as they drew apart for air.

"I broke up with her in the car."

Santana pulled away fully. "Did you break up with her over a phone call?"

He looked ashamed. "Uh. No. Over text."

She smacked him. "That's an asshole move."

"I'm… kind of an asshole."

"You should apologize. After we finish making out."

"Is that all we're going to do?" His eyebrows waggled and his notorious smirk was back. Santana smacked him again.

"Shut up and kiss me."

He did. (And no, that was not all he did.)

And when they were in bed and breathless, languidly draped over each other, Sebastian said the words he never thought he'd say. "I love you, Santana."

It was something that had been building within him for years, a feeling of hope and possibility that lived in his heart. It was something that he had never dared to admit to anyone, much less himself, but he realized that it was time to let go of his fears. What more could he lose?

Santana's mouth dropped open and she didn't say anything for a heartbeat. Sebastian was about to take it all back (how do you take an admission like that back?), but then she kissed him devilishly. "I love you too, Seb."

Diet mountain dew, baby, New York City
Never was there ever a girl so pretty
Do you think we'll be in love forever?
Do you think we'll be in love?

— Lana Del Rey, "Diet Mountain Dew"

A/N: one more chapter to go (the epilogue!). thanks for sticking with me so far xo