Chapter 20 - Playing The Part

"Do you think we'll be okay?" Kurt whispered, tucking his legs underneath himself and turning to face Edward.

Edward ran his thumb over Bella's cheek as she slept soundly, his mouth tightening. "I have to believe that. Otherwise, I'm just opening myself up to the chance that it won't be and that doesn't help anyone. Do you?"

Kurt shrugged. "A lot has happened in the past six months and I'm still here, so I think things will be okay."

"You and Jacob?"

Kurt sighed. "I'm unsure. As far as he's concerned, he's trying to attach his memories to his feelings, but I'm genuinely grieving him as though he's dead. He doesn't want to speak to me, there's no way for me to love him like I do."

Edward shook his head. "This isn't forever, Kurt. We'll find a way to make this okay again."

"It's like everyone kept saying to me. This has never happened before, even the Volturi had never come across a werewolf imprinting on a vampire before. Nobody is going to know how to fix this except Jack, apparently. How I have no idea, but he's not going to stop until we're severed for good."

"While I do think you're right, I also think that we can beat him. He's smart, but we have the experience. Not the mention the numbers. We're gonna do this."

"I appreciate the optimism, Edward. I wish I could believe you. This is my life, just when things seem to get good, in walks the bad.

"My mother died, my father very nearly died, I did die, technically. I've been beaten, bullied, harassed, betrayed, I can't follow my dreams anymore, and now the love of my life isn't that anymore. I don't know how much more needs to happen for me to get the message that maybe I'm just not meant to be happy."

"Take it from someone who has been alive for one hundred and nine years, life is going to do that to you. It's up to you to separate the bad from the good. You have to take everything that's happened to you and find the things within it that bring you happiness. You have your family, our family, our friends, and I choose to believe that someday you'll have Jacob again too. Or if not, you'll fall in love with somebody else. It's not like imprinting for us, enough time passes and you can find love again."

Kurt decided to take a large human breath. It gave him comfort and grounded him when he needed a reminder of what it felt like to be human, to make mistakes, a remnant of his former life. Even when things were bad, he always stayed positive. Losing Jacob and constantly being on the lookout for danger made him forget how to do that sometimes.

"Thanks for the honesty. You know, even with all the bad that's happened here, I will never regret moving here and meeting you. And the rest of your family. Even if I had never met Jacob, I still would have stayed for all of you. Knowing Bella has been wonderful, and you Cullens are incredible."

Edward smiled. "Why do you say that like it's a goodbye?"

"It feels like one is coming, doesn't it? I do still want to go to college."

Edward smiled. "Have you given any thought to where you want to apply?"

Kurt stared at his fingers. "Yale, Brown, Harvard, and NYU."

"All great schools," Edward nodded. "You know, with everything that's happened this year I almost forgot about the future. You and Bella will be going to college."

"I suppose it doesn't faze you anymore. Time just passes now."

"You could say that. I think it's just the fact that I have everything I've ever wanted right now. So the future is just a continuation of that."

Kurt looked at the soundly sleeping Bella. "You really love her."

"With everything I have."

Kurt thought about that the whole way into school the next morning. It felt weird to be going about his normal life with everything going on, but a part of him felt more at ease. He didn't have to look around for Volturi members or Jack, neither of whom wanted to alert the humans to their presence. School had become a safe haven.

Sure, he hadn't spoken to Mike since the implant debacle, and he sometimes had wobbles in pretending to be human around the students, but things were getting better.

He, Edward, and Bella met up with their friends as usual. Alice and Jasper were running late. Kurt settled in easily next to Angela on the back of Tyler's truck. The latter boy had been making more of an effort to be friendlier of late, and Kurt was willing to extend an olive branch considering their less than savoury relationship at the beginning of Kurt's year in Forks.

Angela played with her hands and avoided Kurt's eye.

He gently nudged her. "Ange, you okay?

She smiled sheepishly. "Today is going to be awful."

Kurt frowned, allowing her to elaborate.

"I broke up with Eric last night."

Kurt didn't react, not wanting to let her know that he was very, very happy about that. He didn't believe Eric even nearly good enough for her. "How do you feel about it in the light of day?"

Angela nodded. "Good, I think. I'm just scared of being here I guess. When two friends in the same circle break up, it's never easy."

Kurt smiled. "Tell me about it. Back home, everyone dated everyone in so many different combinations and it rarely worked out. Boys and girls, girls and girls, it was very complex. But they're all still friends. If Eric really respects you, he won't just shun you because you're not dating anymore. There are quite a few of us here, you don't even have to talk to him if you don't want to. Does everyone know?"

Angela blushed. "Just you and Jess. I assumed he would tell Mike and Tyler. I think people will understand pretty quickly when we're not sat together."

Kurt threaded his hand through Angela's, smiling widely. "Looks like you're stuck with me today then."

Angela leaned onto his shoulder. "Thanks, Kurt. And I'm here for you too, you know?"

Kurt stopped still. "What?"

"Alice told us about Jacob breaking up with you," she gritted her teeth. "Probably so we didn't mention him, which I have now done."

Kurt waved her off. "You're fine. It still hurts, but I can say his name now."

Angela clucked. "What happened? If you don't mind me asking? You guys just seemed so solid."

Kurt realised he hadn't come up with a story of what to tell people about Jacob. He couldn't tell the truth, but also didn't want to defame Jacob to the humans for when they got back together.

If they got back together.

Kurt swallowed the lump in his throat and made sure to blink and breathe. "He just said he wasn't feeling the way he used to. That he just needed space."

"That's male bullshit if I've ever heard it."

Kurt allowed himself to smile a little. "No arguments from me. Shall we just agree that men are trash?"

Jessica poked her head around the truck. "Amen! Trust Mike to break up with me right before the ball."

Kurt winced. "Looks like we're all going stag. Why don't we go together?"

Jessica grinned. "I'd be into that! You do realise that people are going to ask you, though, Kurt?"

Angela nodded. "Tyler's been watching you all morning."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I've been single for five minutes. The vultures must learn to stop circling."

Angela giggled. "No chance of that, you're a hot commodity."

Kurt groaned and stuck two ironic thumbs in the air. He looked over to where Bella and Edward were wrapped up in each other, and where a flustered Mike was rattling something off to Jasper, who wasn't really listening. Alice was watching the interaction with a smile. Tyler and Eric were around the front of the truck now, whispering intensely.

Kurt felt a strange pang of a strong emotion in his stomach - something that resembled happiness with just a hint of melancholia. He enjoyed the feeling of being there, not having to worry about anything right off the bat. He still had a long overdue discussion with Mike about the whole transplantation thing that he had been avoiding while he came up with an explanation. Bella had suggested pretending like the entire thing hadn't happened, but he knew that Mike wasn't stupid so that wouldn't work. He eventually decided to just see how Mike was about it and just follow his lead. If he wanted to talk about it, Kurt would make something upon the spot, but if he wanted to leave it alone then that was fine with him, too. Preferable, even.

He would only have to wait until lunch for the opportunity to clear the air. As luck would have it, Kurt was sat in between Mike and Jessica, which he thought might be akin to living in someone's crosshairs. He had been acting very casually, occasionally relying on Jasper's attentiveness to calm him. When Jessica turned to Bella to ramble about something or other, Mike tapped him on the arm.

"Hey," he muttered.

Kurt could pretty much feel Edward and Alice tensing on the other side of the table. "Michael. How are you?"

Mike dipped his head. "I guess you heard Jessica and I broke up."

Kurt did not like where that tone was headed. Surely he wouldn't suggest anything while Jessica was sat not twelve inches from him.

"I heard that you and Jacob did, too."

Kurt nodded, ignoring the tightening in his chest from that particular facet of information. "We did."

"How are you holding up?"

Not the first question Kurt expected, but he rolled with it. "I'm doing about as well as can be expected. And yourself?"

Jessica turned to both of them, not catching their gazes but listening intently.

"I think we just have a timing problem. We always seem to catch each other at the wrong moments."

Jessica nodded wordlessly.

Kurt smiled weakly. "I know the feeling. Maybe one day it'll work out again, maybe it won't. At least you can say you really, really tried."

Mike nodded, looking like he wanted to say something else, but his eyes flickered to Jessica and he reconsidered. "How did you find the paper on Twelfth Night?"

That was something that Kurt had completely forgotten about amidst the Jacob drama, so he can spent his waking hours the previous night finishing it off. He had missed having a semblance of normalcy to his life, something that hadn't truly happened for years, even before he got to Forks.

Kurt made a mental note to check in with his friends from Lima.

"Not my best, but consider my pre-occupation of late, I'd say it was passable."

Mike grinned. "Which probably means you got 100%."

"It helps if you read the play in full," Kurt smiled. He enjoyed this feeling, a lighter buoyancy that had been following him along all morning. His breakup with Jacob had allowed him to not care about a lot of things, including whether Jack was watching them at any given moment. He felt fearless and, although he knew it was only a matter of time before that feeling faded, Kurt liked that. He hadn't felt like that before in his life. As he had said to Edward, every part of his life was plagued with something painful. Even now, the love of his life had detached himself so abruptly (Kurt had to keep in mind that this was neither of their faults) that he hadn't had time to prepare for the fallout.

"Whoever said Shakespeare was timeless clearly didn't know what the word 'timeless' meant."

Kurt conceded that with a nod of his head. Shakespeare wasn't for everyone.

"Are you reading today?" Mike added.

Kurt shrugged. "If Mr. Berty calls, I won't relinquish the opportunity to perform." He met Alice's approving eyes and grinned.

Mike smiled too, and Kurt found himself wondering if he could actually be friends with the other boy. If his burning relationship with Jessica had taught him something about how to treat people, Kurt would consider it. Of course, there was always the possibility that Mike would bring up the implant situation, which wouldn't go well for anyone.

Kurt groaned inwardly as he realised that he was thinking excessively again. He shot a quick glance to Edward, who smiled tightly. He knew that Edward would listen in on his thoughts every and now around Mike, just to make sure everything was as it should be, Kurt had asked him to do that. He forgot he was signing up to what was basically a livestream of his entire consciousness to his cousin-in-law.

The rest of the day seemed to pass without incident. He handed in his assignments, enjoyed social hours with his friends, and soaked up the knowledge he really already possessed. The large amount of forcibly sleepless nights he had spent getting ahead on the little of the curricula that he wasn't caught up on had helped him with that. Classes were spent brushing up on the more complex material and working harder at presenting as a human would. It was funny to Kurt how he had been a vampire for so long now, but the things that had come so naturally to him as a human were the things that he had been made to work on during his undead life.

It was at some point during that impossibly long day that Kurt realised he had an eternity of his life left to live. He idly wondered when the fatigue would kick in, when would forever stretch out across the horizon and become something that was too much, too long, and too daunting? Especially if he didn't have Jacob.

Jacob groaned at the noise that buzzed through his brain. Did Seth and Paul really need to be arguing right now? Where was Jasper when you needed him?

Thoughts of Jasper turned Jacob's thoughts to Kurt that was a subject better left untouched. If he couldn't have his memories untainted by the broken imprint bond, he didn't want them at all.

It hurt to think of what he had done to Kurt, but he hadn't meant to. He knew there was love there, he just couldn't manufacture it. And he thought it was better to not fake it for the sake of the relationship.

All he knew is that it had been days and whatever chemical Jack had pumped through his veins had not gone away, which was strange. His wolf sensibilities would usually burn through whatever it was in no time. He had even tried staying in his wolf form for a whole day to see if that worked.

Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

"Would you shut the fuck up?" Paul snapped as Seth rambled on about something. Honestly, for the first time in Jacob's entire life, he was willing to side with Paul. Seth could be absolutely intolerable if he got going about a particular hot-button issue.

Seth looked to Jacob, pouting.

Jacob clenched his jaw. "Seth…just sit down. Paul, try and be nice. Either way, I don't want it in my house."

Paul sneered. "Some people would consider you lucky to be free that bloodsucker."

Seth put a hand up. "Whoa, Paul, stop it."

"No, let him talk, Seth," Jacob scowled. "I want to hear what he's been keeping quiet."

"Most of us agree that this is the best thing for you. We all thought it was ridiculous when you imprinted on one of them."

Seth frowned. "He wasn't a vampire when they met."

Jacob nodded. "Seth's right. We met before he was turned."

"Whatever," Paul rolled his eyes. "It should've been done with once he did."

"Clearly you haven't imprinted on anyone yet or you would know that's impossible. Try telling Sam to stay away from Emily, it won't work."

Jacob could feel Leah's grimace from across the room.

"This isn't about me," Paul grunted. "This is about you not realising that you've been given a do-over. Maybe you'll imprint again on something actually worth your time."

Jacob swallowed hard, but his brain couldn't give him the energy to defend Kurt's name. He knew he should, and wanted to, but he just couldn't do it.

Leah frowned. "Are you just going to let him trash talk Kurt like that?" Leah turned to Paul. "First of all, Kurt's cool as fuck and a better man that you'll ever be. Second of all, Jacob, I get that this is impossible for you and unprecedented, but you need to snap out of it. We'll find a way to reverse what happened to you, but playing the wounded wolf role isn't going to help anybody, least of all you."

Jacob nodded. "I know. I just…I feel like there's a part of my body missing. Like it's phantom limb pain or something. I feel wrong."

"Maybe that's a good thing?"

"Paul!" Leah snapped. "Either be helpful or get the fuck out."

Jacob put his head in his hands. Seth crouched down next to him.

"Jake, we're gonna fix this. And Kurt isn't going to stop loving you before we do. He'll be right there waiting for you."

Jacob twitched, veins pulsing in his neck. "I think we need to stop saying his name."

Seth frowned. "Why?"

"Because every time someone does, I get a sharp pain in my head. Like a Pavlovian response or something."

"You think that's part of Jack's serum? De-conditioning?"

"I wouldn't rule it out," Jacob muttered.

He turned his head to the right, gazing out of the window. Kurt felt like a distant dream, something that he knew to be true, but also something he never believed existed in the first place. A mirage of something he once had but couldn't reconcile.

He knew that whatever happened, he needed himself fixed. Whether that meant Kurt being in his life or not, at the moment that wasn't what he was focused on. It was getting Jack Warrington out of his head. For good.