When Dipper tried to recall exactly how nauseating interdimensional travel could be, his imagination didn't do it justice.
As the young man was flung through a chaotic, glowing nightmare, he had to resist the urge to vomit. The gum in his mouth, though he nearly choked on it, was the only thing that kept him grounded in his body.
Bill on the other hand, was treating the experience as if he was on a roller coaster, WHOO! FASTER! FASTER! He whooped in delight.
"AHHHH!" Dipper screamed.
Just as he didn't think his sanity could stand any more careening through nothingness, he found himself being spit out on the other side.
He gasped for breath and tried to get his bearings while Bill was whining about wanting to go again.
Dipper reached back, terrified that his pack was gone for a second, before sighing in relief when he found it.
He surveyed his surroundings, and found that the Nightmare Realm was the same as ever, "This place hasn't changed a bit. Bill! Where's Kira?" He asked.
She's somewhere in Lottocron Nine. Her location… It's been obscured somehow? He sounded confused.
Dipper was also confused, "What do you mean, 'Obscured'? How the hell do you hide something from a literal omnipotent demon?" He demanded.
I don't know. But we should hurry up. Ki-Ki could be in some serious trouble if we don't hurry. He said.
"Ki-Ki? What is it with you and stupid nicknames?" He asked in distaste.
No time to argue. We gotta get to the Gambling Dimension. He said, effectively evading Dipper's previous question.
"You're right. I've just got to get my dimensional-"
"YOU!" A booming voice startled Dipper into attention.
Standing a few feet before him, visibly furious, was Eight Ball. Dipper's old friend.
He barely spared the demon a glance as he searched his pack, knowing he could easily blast this thing to the moon if he had to. Speaking of blast, he pulled out his blaster and holstered it for later use.
"Hey! Don't ignore me, puny human!" Eight Ball screamed.
Dipper gave the demon a bored look, "What do you want?" He asked wearily.
"I'm here for revenge, Pines! You see, I'm not the same demon I was all those years ago. I've been training, and-"
"Shut up," He said, aiming a lethal blast of blue fire at the annoyance.
He didn't even have time to scream as the flames engulfed him, reducing him to mere cinders.
Under normal circumstances, Dipper would've been a little disturbed at how easily he turned a demon to ashes. Now, though, he simply pulled out his dimensional travel device.
Bill was a little shocked, Wow, Pine Tree. That was bad ass! He said, impressed.
"Nevermind that. We need to stay focused," He said cooly, preparing the coordinates in his dimension hopping device.
"Let's hope, for their sake, there are no more distractions," He said.
Damn, Dipper. If I weren't me, I'd be a little scared of you right now. Bill said, sounding simultaneously impressed and concerned.
Dipper cracked a smile, "Luckily you are you. Now let's go get my wife back," He said, activating his device.
The two were instantly sucked into another vortex, and they were sent spinning away to the gambling dimension.
When Dipper next opened his eyes, he was standing in the Lottocron Nine custom's building. Any clues on where she is? He asked as he joined a line. He wasn't carrying anything illegal in his pack, nothing that could help him cheat that was.
Somewhere on the west side of the planet. I don't know, that's the best I can do. Sorry, Pine Tree. He said.
It's fine. I can work with that. He responded.
The lines were rather short, and he was quickly at the front. He pricked his finger and they took the blood sample. He wasn't worried.
Lottocron Nine was fiercely neutral in the Bill versus Pines Family war that overtook the multiverse.
Since Dipper had never done anything illegal, cheating at a gamble, in their dimension, he was fine.
"Mason Pines. Age 23. Never accused of cheating, swindling, or aiding and abetting anyone who has committed these crimes, your record is clear and your luggage is good. You may proceed," The alien customs worker waved him on.
"Thank you," He said, rather absently as he entered the planet. He took a moment to appreciate his luxurious surroundings. He had heard of Las Vegas, and he knew that it couldn't possibly hold a candle to this place.
Every building was shining and advertising some kind of gambling opportunity, and it was almost too overwhelming to take in.
And speaking of gambling, it was happening everywhere. People were rolling dice over parking spaces, playing poker with groceries as the stakes, it almost made him want to go and place his own bet-
He shook himself out of his reverie. No. He had to stay on track. This place had a habit of making you want to gamble everything but your own underwear off of your ass. He made the mistake of letting himself get swept up in it the first time he came here. It was how he lost his original pine tree hat.
He had to stay focused. Even as Bill himself oohed and ahhed over the sparkling city, Dipper simply walked ahead and ignored the crowd. He had something a lot more important than a hat that he could end up losing today if he didn't keep going.
He headed west and let Bill guide him to the best of his ability. Dipper came to the uncomfortable realization that they were entering the more… Shady part of the planet.
Everywhere they went, higher stakes games were being played in dark alleyways and deserted street corners. Dipper had to practically smack himself upside the head to get Bill away from the people playing Russian Roulette.
We have to stay focused, Bill. Besides, if we play Russian Roulette it's my own neck I'm risking, not yours. I can't afford to get myself shot in the head just yet. Maybe some other time. He said.
You don't mean that. He pouted.
Depends how reckless I'm feeling. Would I even survive a shot to the head? He wondered.
No idea! That's the fun of it. Bill chirped.
I swear to god, Bill, you're making me more and more of a masochist every day. He replied as he traveled down the street Bill directed him towards.
That's what I do best, Pine Tree! Oh! Left turn here. I think. He said.
Well that's reassuring, He thought as he made the turn.
It seemed that every turn they took seemed to lead them further and further down the rabbit hole, and Dipper began to get the feeling that he was close.
How much further, do you think? He asked his mental companion.
Not much- Do you hear that? Pine tree! I think we found her! He said excitedly.
Dipper strained to listen and, sure enough, over the sounds of a dangerous alley, he heard a voice he never thought he'd get to again.
A faint, "You bastards! I swear to god, if I still had my powers-" Came from his right.
Dipper quickly felt panic, relief, dread, and joy seize his chest as he blindly rushed to the voice. He ignored Bill's attempts to get him to slow down, and soon stumble upon…
A lot of shady looking hobos, with his wife tied to a building. He began to make his way out into the open, but Bill stopped him. Dipper, wait. There are too many of them to take on your own without Ki-Ki getting injured. We're gonna have to stealth this. He said.
What would you know about stealth? Your two vocal volumes are loud and louder. Dipper pointed out impatiently, If you're implying that I should be in disguise, how do you suggest I pull that off? He asked.
Hmmm. Let me think- Oh! Look at the end of the alley! He said excitedly.
Dipper did what he asked and saw nothing but a passed out man on the ground, What am I looking at? He wondered.
Your disguise is waiting! Chop chop! Bill urged him onward.
Dipper realized what he meant, Bill! I can't just steal the clothes off of a homeless man's back! He protested.
Bill was insistent, Come on, Pine Tree! Do you see any other options? This is for Ki-Ki! He said.
Dipper sighed, Fine. Please stop calling her Ki-Ki. He said.
No can do, Pine Tree! You're wasting time arguing. If he lives here, he probably has some dice on him. Take those too. He advised.
Wha- Bill! I'm not stealing this innocent man's- He began.
You don't have a choice. Go! Bill cut him off.
When he realized that his mental companion was unfortunately right, he began to steal the man's clothes. They reeked of booze and body odor, and Dipper winced as he put them on. He shoved his own clothes in his bag and vowed to change into them as soon as he could. He felt a little bad for the homeless man, and decided to leave the guy's pants alone and give him his leather jacket that he got with Mabel and Pacifica.
The man was indeed carrying dice that Dipper stole and pocketed. By the time he was done, he looked like a bona fide Lottocron Nine hobo.
Exactly how he wanted to look when he saw his wife for the first time in 3 years.
He made his way towards the circle of people, and knew that he would have to gamble to get Kira back.
He took a deep breath and burst into the scene, "I want to play!" He shouted.
Everyone in the group turned around to look at him and the guy in charge shrugged, "Why not? I hope you have a good bet. This one is worth a small fortune in bounty. And, well, she really is a pretty little thing," He trailed off, eyeing Kira hungrily.
Dipper had to fight the urge to launch himself at the guy for his disgusting insinuations. Instead he sat down with the men and pulled out his universal credit card, "100,000 Units." He said, throwing the card in the center with everyone else's bets.
The man grinned, "Wonderful. I am your host tonight. You may call me X. We roll 100 sided dice. Whoever gets the highest roll wins. Winner takes all," He said, gesturing at the money and Kira.
As X was explaining the rather simple rules to the game, Dipper managed to catch Kira's eye. He made a zipper motion across his lips, the sign he had used since Wendy first did, and gave her a warning look. Keep quiet. I'm going to get you out of here.
Her eyes widened and filled with tears, but she didn't make a sound. She looked so relieved and shocked that Dipper was there that she didn't question anything about his strategy.
Dipper turned his attention back to X, who was instructing them to take out their dice.
Each man pulled out their 100 sided dice, and he quickly fished the stolen one out of his bag. Everyone handed them over to their 'Host' and he inspected them for anything that could be potentially used for cheating.
He pulled out his own di and passed it around. Bill mentally frowned, Pine Tree, this di is magnetized. He warned him.
What do you mean it's magnetized? What number will it land on? He demanded.
99. It can't land on a perfect 100, otherwise he'll be accused of cheating. Which he is. You have to get a 100 to win. He explained.
Dipper was horrified, But that's nearly impossible! The odds of that happening are-
One percent, I know. You're going to have to figure something out if you want to win. Bill informed him gravely.
What do you want me to do? Everyone's watching! I'm just gonna have to stick to my original- He began, starting to stand up. He stopped in his tracks and smirked slightly.
Stick, you say?
Before long, X was calling all of them for the game to begin. Dipper held his di in his hands and took a shaky breath. He took a look at Kira, which cemented his resolve and heightened his nerves simultaneously.
X grinned manically, "Does everyone understand the rules?" He asked.
All of the men nodded, and his smile widened, "Excellent! You can go first. We'll go around the circle," He said, pointing to the man on his left. That meant that Dipper would go last, seeing as where he was positioned.
He watched as the boney man closed his eyes and rolled his di. He got a 38. Not bad, but not good either.
His face fell as he realized that he wasn't going to win as he watched the next guy roll.
Sure enough, the next man in the circle got a 42. Not fantastic, but good enough to surpass the guy that went first.
On and on the rolling went, until the turn got to their host. Every man in the circle was completely engrossed in X's pre rolling warm up. Dipper resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the man's theatrics.
Finally, he rolled his di. Everyone stared intently at the di, waiting for it to land. When it did, Dipper saw the number. 99. Just like Bill had predicted.
Everyone groaned, they knew they had lost. He swallowed. To beat that, he would need a whole lot of luck. He held his di carefully, not wanting to screw up his concentration.
He took one last look at Kira, who was practically shaking from the anticipation. Dipper didn't blame her. He was too.
Praying to all of the gods in the universe who didn't hate him, he threw his di. It bounced on the ground once… twice… Three times, and landed on-
A/N: Muahahaha! Cliffhanger because I'm evil, also I want this story to reach 20 chapters. Special thanks to The Forest Dog for reading and reviewing so many chapters, and the rest of you who do this as well. You really make my day! Only four chapters left, buckle up!