TW: Alcohol abuse
Regina is still not feeling entirely like herself, downed a bunch of cough syrup despite how disgusting it tastes so that her nasty cough wouldn't make an appearance in front of all of her friends. Thankfully, overall sluggishness and that cough are all that's left of her bout of illness, because it's somehow already April and time to buckle down and study for exams.
She spent most of the day doing just that, started the morning by coming up with a study plan and the afternoon implementing it.
She's been distracted, hasn't done nearly as much prep as last exam season, but that ends tomorrow. Robin is in the same boat as she is—wanting to get serious about studying. She'd offered to make him his own study plan, which he'd declined, but did take a look at hers to create his own.
They are going to keep each other accountable, and while she's never studied with someone before, she thinks it's going to work really well.
She's glad she'll have Robin around. He's leaving soon, and she wants to soak up every moment with him before he leaves. She's in far too deep, but that is not something that can be dealt with in the exam period, she needs to focus on exams, not be distracted by her feelings, and so she's going to let herself indulge them for the duration.
Tonight she is doing just that; Robin came over half an hour before they had to leave, looking damn good in that super-soft sand sweater, dress pants and brown jacket with a matching scarf. He always looks hot dressed up, and today is no exception. He thought the same of her attire, had told her so, how he admired the tight black pants, a red button-down vest over a black cami that's only partially covered by her jacket.
So it's no surprise that they spent some time eyeing each other over, heated gazes that turned into flirting and trading soft kisses and touches. Kissing that only stopped when Zelena texted that she was on her way to get them because Regina needed to put on her red lipstick that had been all but kissed away.
Then they'd gotten in the car, squished in the back together, him on the left, her in the middle, and Killian on her right. Killian was a bit of a surprise, she knew Zelena was picking up Mal who's in the front seat, but she'd thought, assumed, that Zelena was bringing Hades.
Everyone looks nice, they aren't going to a fancy restaurant, but it's nice enough, and they'd all decided to class it up for their Easter dinner.
Everything is going well and she's having a great time, right up until the waiter takes their drink orders. She and Robin split on a half litre of red and Mal orders an eight-ounce glass of wine.
She doesn't even hear what Mal orders, too caught on the fact that she did order.
Mal said she was doing sober April, that she was joining Killian who isn't drinking tonight, but a glass of wine does not go with sober April.
It's only the first day, and she knows for a fact Mal and Killian were "going out with a bang" yesterday, had imbibed most of the day, with a midnight cut off. Regina has done something similar before, the few years she did sober January she cut herself off at midnight—well just after once she'd had her glass of the champagne they cracked at midnight—but that was different, it was only because it was New Year's Eve that she was drinking, she didn't go out of her way to drink before starting a month of sobriety.
She's not going to say anything, not here, there are too many people and it's not exactly a public conversation.
When Mal goes to the bathroom, she seizes the opportunity, goes with her, asking what the hell happened with sober April. Albeit not the nicest way to address it, but it's April first for god's sake, Mal didn't even last one day, didn't even try, and that's more concerning than any other of her actions this year.
Mal arcs a brow at her, "You do know it's exam season, right? Starting tomorrow, I buckle down and study. You know what I reward myself with after a long day of studying? A glass of wine. Don't give me that look, you do that, too."
She does, she can admit that, but not every day, and it's not really the point. "I don't have a problem with alcohol."
"And neither do I, Regina," Mal hisses as she opens the bathroom door, rushing into the first stall, the door of it slamming with more force than necessary.
Regina takes a look around before she too enters a stall, noting that somehow, miraculously, they are alone in the bathroom.
She waits until they are at the sinks washing their hands to comment, "I think you do have a problem."
"You are wrong. You are not in my head, you are not me, you don't get it. I have a problem with coke, and it's handled. Sometimes a glass of wine takes the fucking edge off, so how about instead of policing what I drink, you accept that I am doing everything I can to stay off of drugs and butt the hell out."
Is she overreacting? Everyone gets too drunk from time to time, and it's not like Mal is showing up to classes in the bag, needing it to go on. Maybe she is being too hard on her. Mal is right, Regina doesn't know what's in her head, never could. She's made her concerns known, whether they are right or wrong, and that's all she can do.
Still, it feels like the wrong move, that she shouldn't be letting it go as she tells Mal, "Okay, I will. I love you, you know that. That's why I worry."
Mal's entire demeanour softens at that, "I know. You're the best friend I've ever had, and while I want you to call me on my bullshit, you don't need to worry about this, I promise."
"I won't then," she says, lying through her teeth. She's going to try not to, but she's worried even now, so she can't imagine that would go away.
Denial is a part of addiction, and she doesn't think she's doing Mal any favours by humouring it, if that's what she's doing. But what if Mal really doesn't have a problem? What if she's just paranoid after Mal's slip, projecting motivations and imaging scenarios that aren't actually there?
She doesn't understand what happened to sober April—why did Mal feel the need to get so drunk with Kilian yesterday if she wasn't going to partake?
It's all fishy to her, and she can't keep it off of her mind as dinner progresses. Robin notices, of course, because he's perfect, and it should not be soothing that he does, that he gives her a quizzical look and squeezes at her thigh, but it is. She promises to tell him about it later and focuses on the conversations around them, trying to put Mal's not-sober-April out of her mind.
Robin and Mal come over to her place after dinner. She's a bit tired, still worn down, her throat starting to get a bit scratchy again but she doesn't dare take more cough syrup because she's been drinking (probably shouldn't have had one in the first place but too late now).
She and Robin end up on the couch while Mal takes the chair. She tries not to police Mal's intake, but she does, and Mal's had a lot, between what she had at the restaurant and the two glasses here, she's at least a bottle in.
Then she takes advantage, asking when and why Mal decided to ditch sober April.
Robin's eyebrows raise at the question, and she can tell he's put two and two together and figured out what had her distracted earlier. But she doesn't focus on him, puts her focus on Mal, who shifts uncomfortably, grabbing for her wine as she starts.
"I was going to do it with Killian, but then we were drunk last night and I had the worst hangover this morning and I needed something to take the edge off. I thought maybe I'd just start tomorrow, but then I got thinking about it and April is the wrong time. I want to be able to reward myself for studying with a glass of wine," Mal pauses to take a sip out of the glass in her hand, then smiles impishly, "And besides I want to get fucking hammered again when we finish exams. I'll do May or something. April was just a bad call."
"May sounds like a good idea," Robin pipes up from beside Regina, "My liver is going to need a break after all of this. I might do that, too."
Mal frowns softly, and sighs, "I think all of ours will. One thing I've learned here is that our friends can drink. The guys especially. I've never drank this much in my life."
Regina feels that; she too has had more in law school than ever before, but it doesn't ease her concerns, not one bit.
It seems to her that April becomes May becomes June and etcetera etcetera. Mal thinks she's wrong, and maybe she is, but Regina would feel a hell of a lot better if Mal actually did a sober month. It would assuage all of her fears, show her that was right, that she doesn't have a problem, and put this concern to bed for good. Regina does understand her reasons for not doing sober April, she does, but there's always going to be a reason like that. If Mal wants to drink, she'll find a reason—no, not even a reason, an excuse.
Regina does not want to be an enabler, but there really is little she can do here, and it's frustrating as hell. It's like everything in her life lately, a problem she can do nothing to fix. Or maybe that's just what she tells herself to feel better about her inaction.
She just wants everyone to be happy and healthy, wants to be able to make that happen. Wants many other impossible things like that, like to have Robin for real, for her mother to stop criticizing her, for all of her friends to do well this year.
Wishing these things doesn't get her anywhere though. All she can do is take these moments with them, and try to raise their spirits.
Tonight, Robin and Mal are both in high spirits, and she takes comfort in that, and in the relationships they've built, in how comfortable Robin and Mal are together. Five months ago this never would have happened, her and Mal yes, but her, Mal and Robin, never, hell even her and Robin were a no go.
It's messy how intertwined her and Robin's lives are, and that's why as much as she hates it, his leaving really is a godsend, will allow her to lick her wounds without having to see him.
This is probably the last night of normalcy. After tonight he's going to be all work all the time, until exams are over. He has to be, he's going to make his mom proud, he promised her, and he will not fail at that, can't. She wants him to stay here and try his best so that's what he's going to do.
He's enjoying this last night, had a great time at dinner laughing and joking with their friends, stuffing his face with delicious food, then a dessert split with Regina they almost couldn't finish.
This whole night felt like a date with her, though in a group setting. He arrived early to be with her, split their meals, managed to finally snag the bill—a move she was none too pleased with, but she's been feeding him for weeks so it was about time.
Now he's here at her place, chilling on her couch, thigh to thigh, one arm casually draped over her shoulder.
It's so comfortable, this feels right, like they do it all the time, which they do, but not around people. She'd relaxed into him tonight in a way he's never seen her do with company. She's being the Regina he's only used to seeing alone, the sassy, affectionate and cuddly woman he loves so much.
He thought her private persona was special in that it was private, but seeing her be open with it, with her affection for him, is incredible. Fondness for her and for this warms through him, painting a broad smile on his face.
It's so domestic, something he wasn't sure he'd ever have with her when he first agreed to their arrangement. But everything has changed, he's head over heels in love with her, and he knows she returns his affection. She may not feel for him with the same depth that he does, but there's no denying that she's interested in him, in more than what they are pretending this is. She may not have been interested in more when they started, but they've ended up entangled in it, and he cannot imagine she'd want to go back—that would crush him.
He longs to tell her how he feels, but this is the wrong time. She didn't want a relationship for a reason, had told him that explicitly when they started up as friends with benefits. He doesn't want to freak her out during exams, they will just continue on as they are, labelless, then once they are done, before he leaves, he'll tell her exactly how he feels.
He wants to be long distance for the summer, doesn't want to send it in limbo, waiting for September to roll around to really date her.
They've waited long enough.
An hour or so later, after Mal's left, they sit in her bed, settling down for the night. She's substituted her dress for pyjamas and he's in his boxers only, his typical sleepover wear (though he usually loses them and doesn't bother to put them back on—something that's not happening tonight because she's still sick).
They are supposed to be sleeping, he didn't expect anything when she asked him to spend the night, she's still recovering after all. But they are kissing now, deeply, and longing is stirring inside of him. It was supposed to be a soft peck before she turned the light off, a simple kiss goodnight, but one of them, and he's not even sure who, deepened it and he can't seem to stop kissing her.
His hands are tangled in her hair, a graze of his nails over her scalp makes her shiver and moan into his mouth which has him lighting up and biting back his own moan.
There won't be sex, he knows that, he's just enjoying her—but the half-mast erection that she's pressed against doesn't seem to have gotten the memo. She's not bothered by it, which is good because he'd hate to have to stop kissing her to clarify.
Things get less and less relaxing and more heated as they continue to make out, her outside leg wrapping around him and pulling him in even closer. They are on their sides, flush against each other, the feel of her body against his doing things to him, making him harder.
Then she scoots over, pulling him down on top of her and he groans as she rocks her hips up into him.
His mouth traverses down her neck, and she lets out this high moan that amps up his arousal, has him wanting her even more, and god, they have to stop this. He doesn't want to stop, not at all, but they aren't getting off tonight and if they keep up like this, it's going to get painful.
She pulls him back up for another kiss, sucking at his bottom lip, causing his hips to buck into her. The friction against his erection is just what he needs, and though he shouldn't, he rocks into her, delighting in the way she sighs, her hand finding his ass and urging him on.
Five more minutes, five more of this delicious torture, then he'll stop, let her sleep. She needs sleep to recover. He'll be horny and frustrated, but he'll take that any day over not kissing her. Besides, the sooner she recovers the sooner he can get back to seducing her on a regular basis.
He contents himself with kissing her, her lips, her neck, her jaw, his hands running up her sides under her loose pyjama shirt, and rocking against her as she moans.
They break before the five minutes though, when a gasp as he sucks behind her ear sets off a coughing fit. The sound is harsh and awful, a wracking full-body cough that has guilt slicing through him with each sputter.
He's off of her in a second, apologizing profusely as she sits up, knowing he let this get out of hand, that he caused this. He should have kept it chaste, but he got lost to her, as always. He doesn't ever remember wanting anyone like he wants her, and he loses himself to the lust far too often. It's not that he only thinks of her like that or only enjoys that, he enjoys everything with her, even just sitting and studying, but there's something about being this close to her, about being in her bed, that makes him insatiable.
"I'm okay," she sputters, as she reaches for him, placing her hand on his thigh very close to the erection that hasn't fully abated.
She moves her hand up and over him, smirking as he swallows heavily at the sensation.
As much as it pains him, he sets his hand on top of hers as he breathes, "I'm good. You don't need too—" then his eyes roll back when she strokes over him firmly, her teeth sinking into his neck in a way that's positively sinful.
"Let me," she rasps in his ear, and god he shouldn't, but it feels so damn good, and he cannot resist that tone, never can resist her.
Her hand slips beneath his boxers and his breath whooshes out at the feeling as she strokes him firmly, but just once, then she settles into these gentle strokes that are good, but not enough.
It's something he's less concerned about when she licks down his neck, tongue and teeth seeking out his sensitive skin and laving it with kisses.
He's stone hard now, again, wants her so badly he can barely breathe, but he doesn't beg for more like he wants to, waits her out as her mouth travels lower and lower.
His nipple gets a sharp bite that has him groaning a, "Fuck, love," into the air, exhaling sharply as her tongue soothes over the stinging skin.
"God, that's… oh fuck, love."
Her voice is all sex, and it makes him shiver as she commands, "Keep talking to me."
He swallows thickly as she divests him of his boxers, her mouth continuing it's meandering trail down his body, her hand no longer on his aching cock.
He's throbbing by the time she licks the vee of his hip, giving a soft bite to the skin there that has him gasping, has him bucking up into nothing, his hips chasing her mouth as it pulls away from him.
"That's bloody fantastic," he praises, and she chuckles softly, doing the same thing to the other side and making him gasp all over again. "Oh god, that's good, love the feel of your tongue, Mmm."
She's taking her time, teasing him, and he aches with need, but this is good, so good, and he knows the end result will be well worth it.
She licks at his cock, her tongue gliding against it from base to head as his whole body shudders and he moans, "Oh fuck."
Her tongue taps over his head and he thinks she's going to swoop down, take him inside her mouth like he's dying for, but she slides down the bottom of him instead, making him curse quietly.
She chuckles, assures him, "In time," then christ, licks his balls.
"Oh god, keep, ahh…" He's not making much sense but she seems to understand, sucks at the one and makes his cock twitch as heat floods through him.
Holy hell, this is unbelievable. He's so fucking lucky to have this, and oh god, oh god.
When her mouth finally covers his cock it's otherworldly, the wet warmth of her mouth on him, and the tantalizing suction sending him halfway to the edge.
"Fuck, yes, love. I, oh god, like that."
She's moving up and down him, her pace not hurried, but she's taking as much of him as she can, swooping down deep and making him groan. Then she brings her hand into the mix, and his eyes roll back with the bliss of it.
He loses track of everything outside of her mouth on him, the delicious pressure of her lips against him, her hand moving up and down in time with them, the way her tongue swirls against him and down the length of him in some sort of magic maneuver that has him getting close.
It feels fucking amazing, then she starts to move faster and he groans, breathes out a harsh, "Fuck, that's it. Don't stop, god, I'm fucking close."
She does the opposite, has him biting back a curse as she pulls off of him, her hand still stroking him but slower now, keeping his arousal stoked but not pushing him over.
"Please, love," he begs and she smirks, taking a breath then commanding that he watches her, something he's more than happy to oblige.
He watches as she takes him in again, taking him deep, pausing to breathe and then going even further. He moans, high and desperate, fighting with everything he has not to buck into her.
That's so fucking good, but he needs the pressure, the friction, needs her to move faster.
"God, please, I need…" he doesn't get out much more than that because she returns to the quick pace, the one that nearly had him coming, and he's gasping, pleasure burning through him as she takes him in again and again, flurried movements of hand and mouth that have that eager edge of orgasm flaring up again.
"Oh, fuck, oh fuck, fuck, g-g-god."
His babbles are a broken mess, but he can't think, can only feel and moan and jerk under the onslaught of sensation. He's close again, so close, god.
He lets out a broken cry, then it floods him, has his thighs twitching as he spills into her mouth, pleasure sloshing through him as he releases. His whole body tingles as she pulls off of him, settling against his chest.
"Jesus, god, I…"
His brain is a mangled mess, too sex addled to come up with anything coherent, but that just makes her giggle, and the sound makes him go soft for her. He loves her like this, loves her, has a need to shout it out into the air between them but he reins it in, contents himself with stroking through her hair and telling her how amazing that was.
It's then he realizes that she's done all the work, and if she can handle blowing his mind like that, she can certainly handle him returning the favour. He goes to do just that, but she yawns into his mouth, urges him to get her back later, something he is more than happy to do.
As they situate into sleeping positions, and she cuddles up into him, he thanks his lucky stars that she let him into her bed that first night, that that misunderstanding over his relationship status didn't prevent this from happening.
The beginning of April somehow flies by. She's studying constantly, Robin by her side more often than not, her sister sometimes joining them.
Her days are spent drinking copious amounts of coffee, reading, typing up her handwritten notes (and yes, she's cursing herself for that now, but thankfully she's almost done and she does have a much better grasp of the material now), and doing practice tests.
Her nights, more often than not, are spent with Robin rewarding themselves for a day well-spent by fucking each other into the ground.
It's quite the incentive, the prospect of an orgasm, and in fact, they've tailored it at Robin's request, so that when she meets her goal but he doesn't she's the only one who gets off. His restraint is so fucking sexy and it only makes her want to fuck him more those times he only uses his fingers, mouth, or a toy. It makes her that much more motivated to get him back on track so she can feel him inside her, get to watch him take pleasure, moan and groan, and god his words…
All the sex is helping, tremendously, as it turns out she's very reward driven, and a mindblowing orgasm is the perfect reward. Plus, she's read up on the benefits of it for your brain, how it reduces stress and can help memory and learning, so she never feels guilty for taking those moments.
They tend to happen when they are done studying for the day anyway, when before she would have wound down for the night with a comedy episode or wine. But sometimes they take mid day breaks, had a quickie on her couch the other day he swears is what made estates click for him that afternoon, and while she's not sure that's the case, she was reinvigorated and found herself far more focused after their little break.
Today will not be one of those days though, he's home with John, and Zelena is over with her.
Her sister has been taking advantage of her open invite, but they haven't talked much, have been focused on studying, but when Regina stares at the same paragraph for the fourth time and Zelena lets out her third yawn in five minutes, Regina makes a suggestion.
"Why don't we take a little coffee break?"
"Thanks, sis. The idiots were up partying again last night. Sorry about all the yawning, I just can't help it."
She really looks at Z then, sees the dark circles under her eyes she'd attributed to exam worries that she now thinks are something more.
She's starting up the espresso machine as she asks, "Are you okay there?"
She's faced away from the kitchen table they are studying at, so doesn't get to see how her sister reacts but Zelena's It's fine, is less than convincing.
When she brings the mugs over, the giant blue one she'd given herself this morning, and the silly reindeer one that Regina only uses in the Christmas season but Zelena had chosen, she asks, "What's wrong?"
Zelena eyes her for a second, then turns to her cup and blows on it before sighing, "The assholes I live with, my ex-boyfriend, you pick."
Ex-boyfriend. That's new to her, and fuck, what a terrible friend and sister she is. "Oh god, I'm sorry, when did you and Hades…?"
"Before Easter. He said I was too much of a downer. I don't blame him really, there's only so many 'I'm going to fail and why am I even here' meltdowns a person can take."
She sets her own cup down onto the table and frowns, "I didn't know. I'm really sorry, Zelena."
Zelena shrugs, "It is what it is. I should have known it wouldn't last, nothing ever does for me."
She longs to provide Zelena with some form of comfort but what can she say other than, "If he doesn't see how great you are he doesn't deserve you."
"Ha, great, please. I'm an idiot who shouldn't even be here and wrecked their financial future by trying it out anyway."
"No, you didn't—"
Zelena's mug hits the table with a crack, coffee sloshing out onto her hand causing her to curse and shake her hand wildly as she hisses, "Regina, I failed most of first semester. I should have dropped out then, am going to have to after this year. I can't afford this as is and I suck at it. It's time to cut my losses."
"Zelena, you aren't—"
"Stop. I don't want your reassurance. You don't know what it's like to struggle. You have Daddy's money to pay for all of this, you don't have to bat an eye over any of the expenses I stress over. You have this fabulous fucking apartment, you don't have to deal with idiots yelling at all hours or stealing your fucking food, or just being fucking assholes and making being at home a living hell."
Zelena is right, Regina doesn't have to deal with that, but neither does Zelena. "Stay with me."
"Wha—what?"
"Move in here. I have an extra bedroom, come live in this 'fabulous fucking apartment'—" she sees Zelena smile at the use of her own words against her as she plows on, "—so you don't have to deal with those idiots any more."
"I… I—you're serious?" She can tell she's struck her sister, all of Zelena's ire is melting away and she looks about five seconds from crying, which is not what Regina wanted.
She nods, telling her sister that yes, she's serious, she can't really do much for her sister, but this she can do, easily. It's going to cut down on the amount of sex she has, or at least where she has it, but it's a small sacrifice to make for her struggling sister.
And in fact, "What are you doing for the summer?"
Zelena scoffs, "Not like I'm going to get a law job, probably go back to working at the bar, see if I can get full time hours for the summer and figure my life out."
"You should stay here."
"You aren't… I can't afford this place."
"I'm not asking you to. My parents pay the rent, it's just going to sit vacant all summer. If you want it, it's yours, free of charge."
Zelena looks her dead in the eye, and refuses with a, "I can't accept that," that frustrates Regina, because yes, she can. She was dealt a bad hand family wise, has had to grow up and be strong in ways Regina can't even imagine.
And besides, "You should get something from our mother."
Zelena's face softens at that, and her eyes are shining as she breathes out a, "Thank you."
Regina almost can't believe it was that easy, that Zelena's pride didn't get in her way like it has so many times. Regina's words worked, somehow, and that's one thing she can thank their mother for.
Zelena then proclaims, "We should get back to work, but thank you, truly." And she's right, they should, so she smiles back at her sister, ensures her it's no trouble and then they do just that.
Zelena leaves shortly thereafter to go pack up her stuff, and Regina breaks the news to Robin when he joins her for dinner.
He takes it well; if he's disappointed, he doesn't show it and she finds herself going to pieces for him all over again.
Their first exam is in two days, and as much as she's excited to have them done and over with, she's been enjoying this new normal. They don't have classes, and it's been more than two weeks hunkered down in her home learning everything there is to know about their five classes.
They're an odd little study group–her, her sister and her not-boyfriend–but they work well together. Zelena tends to disappear off to her room, and she and Robin can study in silence for hours, without it ever feeling awkward.
She's never felt this comfortable with someone in her life. She curses herself yet again for getting in this deep with him when it was only ever supposed to be casual.
He's leaving in thirteen days, has a little countdown going that breaks her heart every time he mentions it. It's a decent amount of time, in theory, but the next ten days will fly by in a flurry of exams. Then they'll have two days, that's it. Two days post-exams to enjoy each other and let go, before he goes off across the ocean.
She knows he's excited to see his mom, that it's not about leaving her, but it almost feels that way, like he can't wait to get away from her.
She should be grateful for that, it will make what needs to happen easier, but she's not, she's sad. She desperately wants to cling to him, beg him to stay and other ridiculous things she will never do.
They need to end this, need to go their separate ways. They pledged exclusivity earlier, but she's going to release him from that; he can go off and find other women this summer, enjoy their company while Regina tries to put herself back together.
She should have ended this a long time ago, when she first realized she had feelings, but she was too weak to, and all in all, she thinks that worked out. Robin needed her with what he learned about his mother, and she's glad she was there for that, no matter how painful.
Their not-relationship is about to hit its natural end, and it's sad, claws and chokes at her, has her simultaneously wanting to bawl and never let him go, but she's not going to do either of those things. She's going to enjoy what they have until it ends, and then she'll say goodbye.
It will hurt like a bitch, but she did it to herself and will take it. She can handle it, is strong enough to deal with the repercussions of her inaction and her idiocy in falling for her casual sex friend.
May will be for mourning, but April, these last bits of April before he goes are for savouring, and that's exactly what she intends to do.
Thank you to everyone who has kept up with this story despite the sporadic updates. I really thought I would finish it a long time ago and I'm sorry you guys have had to wait so long.