Yay we're back for another chapter of awesomeness!
LOL this story has sucked me in. I spent most of last night googling the process of how one gets a license after a spinal injury. It's intense and takes a lot of money and apparently insurance doesn't want to pay for it in most cases. All things I never know before.
So...here we go...
Sesshomaru
It's night by the time we leave Band of Seven in Jakotsu's car. It feels entirely too odd being in the car with the man who comments on the roundness of my ass cheeks and the specific shape and what he thinks it means about my personality.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Rin's fingers threading between mine. She's smiling at me, with one leg crossed over the other, reminding me that I have something to look forward to, not just helping her achieve her goal but now that I am no longer allowed to work with her, it's possible I can see more of her. Be something more to her.
Over the weekend I took the diamond ring I bought for Kagura to the jeweler. It turns out, diamonds do not retain their value and depreciate overtime. My saving grace is that I had a warranty with the company I purchased it at and was able to get $15,000 for it. Not quite what I was hoping to make a dent in the ephemeral bucket but enough to look into the process of regaining my license.
For the record, mine has been expired for several years and once you suffer a spinal injury you don't just automatically get to keep your license. Under Colorado State Law's I must be evaluated by an Occupational Therapist and undergo therapeutic driving lessons and be deemed safe to be on the road again.
When I was in rehab, I did try to drive again. There's a push pull system used for people like me who have ample use of their upper body. However, in rehab, the swelling was still going down, which meant that I was regaining the use of my arms. The impact of my tail bone shot up my arms into my neck. As the swelling went down, the ability to control my core returned.
I was too eaten by depression in rehab to learn to drive. Now I must go to the doctor first to have a form filled out stating that I am not a menace to society or the roads and another filled out by Band of Seven stating that I am enrolling in their driving program. From what I can tell, it will take four to twelve hours of instruction, after a four hour evaluation. None of which is covered by insurance, which means that although my goal is to drive again I may not have enough funds to purchase a car, much less cover the cost of this surgery.
I start rubbing my forehead, feeling tired and overwhelmed.
"What are you thinking about?" Rin asks me.
"I have a lot to do."
"You're really going to drive again?"
I nod.
"Did you get set up with Ren?" Jak says from the driver's seat.
Casting a scowl at Jakotsu, I answer, "yes. Before I left."
"He's a good teacher," Rin tells me. "But you have to have your own car to be able to learn. They want you to learn on what you'll be driving."
Suddenly the roof of the car is very fascinating. Jakotsu has a plethora of pins hanging from the roof of his car. Some are from anime, other are Star Wars and Star Trekked themed. Nothing is ever easy when you crippled, why would this be any different?
"You're going to do great," Rin giggles and leans against my shoulder. "Kaede said she'd give you the run-down of the different moves and then we just have to see where the top scorers are and start putting together a routine. Shippo can help with the choreography."
"Don't expect me to take it easy on you just because we're friends," I warn her.
"I don't. That's why I asked you."
I've been sitting with Kaede for two hours now. In that time I've learned that, each jump is identified by the approach and blade work before the leap and how to count rotations. A toe loop starts on the outside edge on both the entrance and the exit, with the toe pick adding the height. Rin lands a single and then a double and gets nervous when I ask her to push herself and land a triple. The base value is 4.3 points. "It's the fall," Kaede tells me. "She's still nervous about blowing that knee out."
"What's wrong with his legs?" a child skater nearby asks me.
"Quiet Kelly, go back to your spins. Sit and then camel. Four times until you stop traveling. Not like that. Your arms need to come in naturally."
I hold back my laughter. Kelly looks to be around twelve years old. The perfect age to feel like you are on top of the world and injuries heal faster than a child growing a new tooth.
"Now watch Charlie. He's fourteen and set to go on the Grand Prix this year. Rin could too, if she gets over her nerves. Outside edge Rin!"
Rin stumbles and catches herself.
"This is a loop, no toe. See how he goes up using the outside edge of both skates and then lands on the outside edge of his skate? The base value is 5.1. The values are important. The majority of your points are earned from jumps. Hug yourself tighter Charlie!"
Then she shows me the salchow, with a base of 4.1. It starts on the inside edges and ends on the outside. When we get to the axel, which is the only jump starting facing forward and landing backwards, requiring an extra rotation and faster spinning. She points out how the jump begins on the outside edge and lands on the outside edge. I avoid telling her that Rin has already landed a triple axel but the question is if she can do it reliably enough to get the points necessary to win.
By the end of the two hours Rin is limping of the ice and wincing in pain. "Dare I ask how to get her feet to stop hurting?"
"Custom boots," Kaede tells me. "I'll send you some links to study for the spins and to understand the scoring system." My wheels slip along the ice as I push myself off the rink. "They boots are around a thousand dollars."
I blow air through my lips. Any athlete has to spend a fortune on coaches, gym time and extra lessons. "She survived off of sponsorships before, but her medical bills ate through her savings and her family has never been well off," Kaede explains to me. "She's buried in student loan debt now. She doesn't have the money but if she wants to skate a clean and comfortable program, she needs to get them and break them already. Time is of the essence."
Rin is surrounded by her family by the time I get to her. Shippo has one of the twins and Kohaku the other one. "Family party?" I ask her.
"It's family food night. We're lame and it's never the same night, but it's our thing," she tells me, pulling her skates off. She has fresh bruises and cuts on her toes.
"You need custom boots." I flick her toe, making her groan in pain.
"I know," she whines.
"Your feet look terrible," Shippo says.
"They never looked like that when you competed before," Sango says, taking off the bandages and massaging Rin's feet. "How much do they go for again?"
"A grand," Rin answers timidly.
"Do you have it?" Miroku inquires and instead of feeling pride in watching her family circle around her, I feel a twinge of jealousy that my own family wouldn't do the same thing. By my count I need around seventy thousand dollars to pay for surgery, the car, rehabilitative driving lessons, not to mention the small fortune in Uber to get to and from the DMV.
Inuyasha knows I am coaching Rin, but I've said nothing to my father or my mother. The first month is spent in near isolation and I already know not to expect her phone call for another few weeks.
"Not really," she says quietly. "I mean I have some money in savings, I could probably part with a few hundred."
Miroku reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet, flipping through several bills. "Here's four hundred. Sango do you have anything?"
"It's the grocery money." She flips through her purse and takes out another hundred.
"I've got a hundred," Shippo gives Miroku Keaton and takes out several hundreds.
Kohaku follows suit. "I've got two hundred to spare. That's eight hundred, is that enough not to break you?"
"That leaves about two hundred for me. I should be able to get something. It takes about six weeks for them to come, so I'll have to deal with these until then. And start ballet and Shippo we need to come up with a routine."
"Can you adapt one of your old routines?" I ask Rin.
"I think so. I have a few I should be able to modify. I'm not sure I can do the same intensity yet. I can send you some of the routines and then you and Shippo can talk about modifying them and I'll be at your command."
"Oh Rin, the guys are coming over for movie night in two weeks—" Kohaku starts.
"No, Kohaku, not again," she starts putting her socks and shoes on. It only occurs to me now that I feel like an outsider while she is surrounded by family.
"Why not?" Sango asks her.
"Because Rhino has a crush on me and hits on me every single time he comes over," Rin gags herself.
"Hey, he's my friend," Kohaku kicks her ankle.
"No damaging the goods," I warn jokingly and move closer to Rin. "I'll see you in the morning."
"How are you getting here?"
"I'll manage."
We fall into a routine over the next two weeks. I meet her at the rink at six in the morning, most days yawning and chugging coffee to keep myself awake and stay with her until Jakotsu picks her up at eight. I ride with them and get off at Inuyasha's.
Immediately I fall asleep, because believe me, I'm not used to dragging myself out of bed so early. Kieran protests my naps and at least twice I've woken up with peanut butter in my hair. At this rate, I'm going to have to cut it to keep his chubby fingers out.
During that time I manage to get the doctor to fill out the form that express my "medical change" and how it affects my driving. We go back and forth about whether or not I need more restrictions until I remind my PCP that OT will handle that.
Ren and I spend four hours together on a Thursday morning going over the driver's evaluation. He had warned me ahead of time it could take a while. It involves testing my reflexes, sight, perception, ability to pay attention to the road and then we discuss adaptations and how I will drive the most comfortably. Which lead to an appointment at the DMV where I sat in line for two hours, literally, get the joke? It barely moved and I thought I was going to fall asleep before I delivered the appropriate papers and received a permit.
Say what you want about that, my fingers buzzed with electricity touching the colorful corners of the plastic. With this I will earn my freedom and independence. If the neuropathic pain that's beginning to flare doesn't kill me first.
In between all this I began making time to apprentice under Kaede. She was all too excited to show me the ropes of figure skating and after hours staring at the computer until my eyes were red, I've learned to spot the jumps from across the rink. I know that spins must be graceful or the skater will travel and lose points. Each motion as their arms rise must be done delicately, their legs tightening in slowly to control the rate of spin. In another life, it's possible I would have done well at this sport too.
I've discovered 230 is the highest number a female has received competing and that if Rin wants to take her program further than qualifying rounds she would need to score at least over two hundred to make it to sectionals, which after comes regionals and then the grand prix tournaments and Worlds. Her prior programs ranked higher in the 230's but she was also one of the first female skaters to attempt and land quads in competition.
I rake my hands through my hair as I watch her programs from when she was fourteen and fifteen, trying to decide which one would suit our purpose best. The Olympic program is too advanced and the scores too low before she transitioned from Junior to senior.
Googling other routines, I find one just after she levelled up and examine the elements and points. She still threw a quad but we can easily make up the points by tossing my jumps in at the end of the program and banking on the lopsided rule that jumps get more points after the first half of the program.
It's December 8th. A day I have both been looking forward to and dreading. I'm missing physical therapy today to see Dr. Hazan in the hopes of attaining a surgery I can't afford by any stretch of the imagination. Sending the link to Shippo to figure out how we can adapt this program to her current skill set, I shut the computer down and check on Kieran. He's still sleeping soundly.
Leaving his room, I knock on Kagome's door. "Come in." She has her nose buried in a book and looks worse for the wear. "You leaving?"
"Yes. I'll be at the rink after."
"Should I pack you dinner?"
"No. I'll pick something up on the way there." I never was good at settling my nerves until after my routines were completed. If only now I had a bar to flip over.
Rin's called me three times in between her patients today. On the fourth call, I start laughing, "Why are you calling me again?"
"Just seeing how it's going. If you're answering, you're either done or still waiting."
"Still waiting." I'm on time, the doctor is two hours late. If I wasn't so busy learning a new sport I might have lost my temper by now. But this is normal, once I had to wait six hours to see an endocrinologist. I am keeping myself entertained by taking notes and developing a routine.
"Just think, this and your Driver's lessons and you'll be gold. But I bet your used to that."
"Very cheeky. Just for that I'll work you extra hard tonight."
"Actually, um about tonight, will you come to my place? My brother is having some friends over and Rhino has been after me for years now. Please?"
"As you wish." I flex my arms that have been bothering me for days. The pain is coming, but with any luck, not tonight.
The door opens and the nurse calls my name. "I have to go." Nerves take me suddenly. I sold myself on dreams before. One more surgery and I would walk. One more and I would at least be able to feel my toes and this…I already feel like I'm wasting my time.
"Sesshomaru." I must be dreaming, because I know that voice and never in four years has my father ever come to an appointment. I didn't even tell him about this, which means that my brother must have spilled.
I stop just by the door, dumbfounded, unable to speak.
"Inuyasha said you'd be here. I'd…um…I'll just wait out here," he says, shifting nervously and then finding a chair.
"Are you ready?"
"A minute," I say and move to my father. "Why are you here?"
"I thought you shouldn't be alone," he says so quietly I almost miss it. "I'm sorry son," he whispers.
My ears must be broken, or my injury has spread to my auditory system. My father never apologizes ever. Not even the time he thought teaching me a man's sport was a good idea and threw a football into my nose, breaking it. My face was swelled for weeks and I missed two competitions.
Words are caught in my throat. Leaving him, I turn around and go into the office, oddly comforted by his presence.
The doctor is a fit man, not too tall with sun-hardened skin. He enters with a computer. He has a slight accent. "So…you are Sesshomaru Takahashi. I read about your case before this."
Because of who I was, most doctors have.
"You suffered a fracture in L2 and have no sensation below the waist. You've already undergone three nerve repair surgeries, the last one was unsuccessful?"
I nod. There isn't much else to say about it. The hope was that it might restore some sensation below the waist but it didn't. I also spent the of my savings on it, but to no avail.
"When was your last EMG?" He adjusts his glasses.
Electromyographic testing involves using electric currents to test the extent of nerve damage. "February."
"And you've had no improvements since then?"
"Only improvements in the parts of the body I already have sensation. I still can't feel anything."
We talk about the basics of my health, how the injury happened. The room quiets as I explain in earnest for the first time to a medical professional how I fell in the first place. That the pressure and strain of making weight made me eat less than I should have and I fainted during the dismount, landing on my back, a mistake that I have paid for, for years.
Dr. Hazan's face sobers and he nods. "Sometimes there's too much strain on athletes. Do you still suffer from anorexia?"
"No. I dealt with it during rehab. It was rooted in competition, something I haven't dealt with sense then."
"Good. Can you get on the table. I'd like to examine your range of sensation."
Sometimes, there's nothing like a good prick. He pokes my stomach with the end of a pen asking me to tell him when I no longer feel it dig into my skin. He tests the reflexes in my feet and comments on my lack of muscle tone and deconditioning. Swallowing my pride has never been something I do easily, but this time I do.
It doesn't come easily, explaining that I have squandered the last four years before Autumn when Rin began working with me. "There will be a regimen if you're approved for the surgery. If you don't follow it, your chances of recovery will decrease exponentially."
"I understand," I purse my lips and continue, "I plan on following through."
In the end, he tells me my chances at recovery are around sixty percent, which aren't perfect odds, but it's very possible. I'll need to undergo further testing to determine which nerves were damaged and if it's possible to replace or repair them. This will also determine how invasive the surgery is and how long the recovery will be. "There's hope, Sesshomaru," he says brightly, "we've cared for worse and seen improvements. I look forward to working with you."
There's hope…
Exhaling, I leave the office, feeling lighter than I have in the past. There is hope, even if it's a small.
My father still waiting for me outside the office. He motions down the hall and asks me, "Did you eat dinner yet?"
"Not yet," I reply. I'm already feeling the effects of missing the filling dinners Kagome makes for me. Glancing at a wall clock, I note the time. I need to be across town in an hour. "I have to work in an hour," I say proudly, because for the last two weeks I've made eight hundred dollars myself, rather than living off disability.
"I know," he speaks more softly than he has in the past. We go in the elevator together. I'm still unsure why he is here, when he's never been in the past. "How'd it go?"
"You really want to know?"
"Yes." His face contorts in pain, as if I've caused yet another wound. "Yes."
I hand him the informational papers about the surgery. They include the chances of recovery and the healing process. I've learned to not wait for affirmation, but for the imminent reprimand. When it doesn't come, the air become thick with unspoken words. "It seems sound enough."
"Excuse me?"
"Sesshomaru I didn't come here to fight."
"Then why did you come? Because we both know that you've offered nothing but anger and rejection since I was a child!" I can barely get the words out without gnashing my teeth. I snatch the papers out of his hand and start propelling myself out of the hospital at top speed.
He jogs to keep up with me. "Will you wait."
"Why should I?"
"Because I'm giving you back your trust fund."
I slam the breaks on, nearly knocking into my father in the process. "What?"
His face softens, sobering and smoothing lines of frustration. "I'm giving you back your trust fund. There's around $900,000 inside. Do what you want with it. You can talk to Jaken about taking money out. I'm only adding the restriction that you can't take out more than $4,000 a month."
My mouth is dry. I'm unsure if I'm dreaming or not. $4,000 is more than enough to cover my expenses and then some. "And I'll…I'll cover the cost of the surgery," he says as he reaches the financial agreement.
I start coughing to contain the emotions welling in my belly. It's hot and cold all at once. I dreamed of this day, but never expected it to come and now that it has, I'm not sure how to respond to him. "I'm sorry, son," he says again. "I didn't understand you. I didn't even try."
He' waiting for me to say something, but I can't. The years have been too unkind.
"I…," he glances down at ground, staring at his fancy designer label shoes. "Do you need anything?"
"No," I answer quickly, "I'm fine."
"You're sure?"
I take a deep cleansing breath, trying to force myself to recognize the gesture, that he's done more for me than he has in the past, but pain runs deep. "I'm fine. I have my brother and a friend and mom."
"How is she?" He takes another nervous step towards me.
Wincing, I wheel myself backwards, gazing up at him, feeling a slight tinge of pain in my neck. If he had been around me more, he would know to kneel down, or sit in one of the nearing chairs so I don't get a crick in my neck. Pain radiates down my spine, reminding me that my body is rebelling again. Soon, I'll fall victim to a bout of neuropathic pain that reminds me my legs exist, even though I can't feel them, but I can feel the pain.
"She's in rehab. She left two weeks ago. I'm going to be late," I remind him that I have somewhere else to go and start wheeling away.
"Sesshomaru," he chases after me. "I really am sorry."
"I know," I say. "We'll talk another time. Thank you," is all I can offer him, because it's been too long.
"You flutzed!" I tell Rin after she lands a double lutz on the inside edge of her blade instead of the outside. "Do it again."
"I never should have taught you that phrase," she shoots back at me and sets the jump up again.
"Enough talk, show me you can land the double clean," I press her, rolling closer so I can see her foot work better.
Her face hardens and a flash of pain shoots across her eyes.
"You didn't ask me to help you to baby you Rin, do it!"
Her eyes roll. She starts the jump, beginning on the inside edge of her blades and then landing on the outside edge, clean and beautiful. "Perfect."
Instead of coming back to me, she skates off the ice and storms towards the locker-room. If I weren't in so much pain, I would chase after. I'm drawn to the ice and how it chills the air around me. Locking my breaks, I slide out of my chair onto the ice. Before laying down, I peel off my jacket, revealing a maroon button down top.
It's so cold and soothing. The pain is beginning to spread to my fingers, making gripping the handles of my wheels painful. Usually mom is with me when this happens.
While Rin is blowing off steam, I think of how I am going to handle this on my own. Most of the time I can't, which is why I chose to live with my mother. Closing my eyes, I take deep breaths, attempting to will the pain from my back where it's the worse. "You okay?" I see Rin leaning over me when my eyes open.
"Peachy. Go jump again."
"While you lay on the ice?"
"I have a better view this way," I pinch the skin inside her thigh, making her nearly lose balance and fall. "Are you alright?"
"Frustrated. My feet hurt in these damn boots and it's going to take at least four weeks to get the new ones. I didn't like how you were talking to me."
"Again, you didn't ask me to help you to go easy on you. Treating you with favor isn't going to take you where you want. On the ice I'm your coach, off the ice I'll be your friend."
"Friend?" she asks, straddling my stomach.
"Get off," I push her sideways before her bottom can touch my stomach, knowing that again, I've hurt her feelings. "I'm sorry. My back hurts," I say quickly, hoping to assuage the pain in her eyes.
She nods, biting her lower lip. "Neuropathic? How bad is it?"
"Bad enough to lay down on ice."
She sits down cross legged next to me. "Maybe we should both just call it a night. Shippo is going to pick me up. Do you want a ride home?"
"I'll be fine."
"Says the guy laying down on the ice," she reminds me. "You're not fine."
"No," I answer, staring at the bright lights on the ceiling until my eyes begin to burn from the shine. Glancing at my watch, we have another hour to go and I don't want it to go to waste. "Lutz, axel and then toe-loop and then spins and foot work. We can call it a night after that."
She nods.
I stay on the ice, letting it cool my angry burning muscles while she lands the doubles I've asked her to. "Try a triple." I instruct her, not caring which one. Her confidence was blown when she broke her knee. That and stamina are what we are trying to build. "Now spins." Right now we're working on techniques. Much like a pianist that hasn't picked up their instrument in years. She's remembering the notes, the way the ice feels beneath her blades and the inherent strength in her body.
After the last sit spin she skates over to me and kneels down. "Need help getting up?"
"I can't just sleep here tonight?" I know as soon as I move, my body will begin flaming in pain. It's not something I'm looking forward to.
"Nope," she helps me sit up. The motion sends fire up my back into my arms, legs and fingers. "On three." She digs her toe pick in for leverage and together we haul me off the ice and into my chair. I don't fight her when she takes the handles and pushes me across the ice. "Actually, well it was supposed to be movie night. Hak was having his bandmates over but do you want to go to Sango and Miroku's place? They have this awesome jet-stream bathtub. Mom had it put into the house when Sango and I were competing for the sore muscles. I bet it'll help and then you can spend the night if you want."
I raise an eyebrow at her, leaning against the back of the chair. "Just like that huh?"
"Like what?" She starts her cool down routine, stretching to make sure her body stays limber.
"What is this between us? We both know there's more between us than just friendship." We haven't gone out together since I began coaching her but every other day she hands me something for dinner. We flirt relentlessly at the Band of Seven and at times, instead of cooling down, I find her straddling my lap and making me wish I felt more below my waistline.
"Just come over tonight? Please? If it's as bad as I've read in your file, we both know you shouldn't be alone." She picks up my hand, a motion that burns, and kisses his my fingers. "I really care about you, let me take care of you tonight. You don't have to be alone."
In place of the pain, there's a warmth in my chest, that bubbles up into my throat making me smile but reality hits me square in the chest. There's more to my pain than just keeping me company.
The first time it happened was in the hospital months after the injury. At first, it gave me hope. My toes were burning, like someone was holding them over a bonfire. I was overjoyed to be feeling something below my waistline. I thought it meant sensation was coming back. But instead, it spread up my calves, into my hips and back and then encompassed my whole body. I thought I was dying, that someone was burning me alive.
They gave me so many pain killers I couldn't see up from down. I spent days in pain. The doctors told me it was neuropathic. My brain was miscommunicating with the damaged nerve endings, sending the wrong messages and there wasn't much they could do for it. Physical therapy helps, because it reduces the fluid buildup and increases blood flow. Rest and avoiding certain foods but in general there's nothing to do but take a pain killer and wait for it to stop. For some, the pain is constant.
When it happened, mom was in another bender. She came into the hospital completely tossed but somehow managed to shake enough of it off to help with the catheter, to demand that I get an epidural to kill the pain in my legs and when it became blinding, it was her embrace that I hid in.
"Come on," Rin tells me, packing her things away. "I'll take a shower at Miroku and Sango's. Let's go. I texted Shippo, he'll be here in twenty minutes."
"Rin," I grab her hand. "It's not going to be a walk in the park. This is just the beginning. It gets worse."
She kneels down in front of me and cups my face with both hands. "It's not going to scare me away."
But that's exactly what I'm afraid of.
We stopped at Inuyasha's on the way home. He knew just by looking at me that I was entering another flare up. He offered to have me stay at his home, but a jet bath was much more enticing. By the time we got there, I could barely get back in the car on my own. Rin and Shippo both had to help me.
I rested my head in her lap, breathing fitfully during the drive to Miroku and Sango's. They were all too happy to host me for the night. Rin ran her fingers through my hair, reminding me that I wouldn't have to be alone this time.
When we arrived, it took both of them to get me out of the car. My muscles gave out. I couldn't lift myself. I let her wheel me into the house and then to the stairs on the second floor. She and Miroku helped me up, because my body was too exhausted.
Now I'm watching as she fills the tub. "How hot do you want it?"
"Huh?"
"How hot? The water?"
"Hot enough," I reply, barely able to hear through the blood rushing in my ears.
"Don't you have something you could take?"
"Vicodin."
She rummages through my pill bag until she finds it and takes one out. "Come on, take it."
"I hate how it makes me feel," I respond. It's like I lose myself.
"So do a lot of people. But it will help." She hands me a bottle of water to swallow it with.
It's already passed five o'clock, making me stare forlornly at the toilet. "Would you mind stepping out for a bit?"
"Sure." She leans over and kisses my cheek. "It's okay you know. It really is. I'm not going to be thrown off by anything you have to do to take care of yourself."
"Digital removal?" I challenge her.
"Saw it in rehab. Taught people how to do it in rehab. I could even help you."
"And it didn't bother you?"
"Okay at first bodily fluids did bother me. But," she says with a smile, "I got used to it. Just tell me what you need. Tonight I'm yours."
I relent and move closer to the toilet. It's when I move to the buttons of my pants that I keep fumbling them because of the pain in my fingers. It's like trying to maneuver sausages rather than slender appendages. "Do you mind?" I can't finish, at this point I'll have no pride left in this relationship.
She sits on the edge of the bath and looses my belt and then pulls the zipper down and helps me push them around my ankles. "You're too worried about scaring me off."
Taking me under the arm, she pulls me onto the toilet. I lean over my knees and am surprised when I feel hands on my back, slowly running warm water over my skin. It's so soothing, I forget the embarrassment I feel having her in the bathroom with me. She reaches around my front and starts pulling at the buttons on my shirt and slides it off my arms and then takes off my undershirt until I'm completely exposed. "Still want me to leave?"
"You can stay," I say, doing what I need to do. At least this part I don't need help with.
The tub finishes filling. She shuts the water off and continues rubbing my back in soothing motions. I can feel the Vicodin starting to kick in. It's like being drunk but more aware. "I hate this." I rub my eyes, trying to clear my vision. "At this rate I'll fall asleep in the tub."
"It's alright, Sesshomaru." She stands up in front of me and starts removing her clothing. I think I'm hallucinating when the undershirt comes off, revealing a black sports bra and then she tosses her leggings off, her thong…she wears a thong?
I wait with baited breath for the sports bra to reveal what's beneath. "God you're beautiful."
She laughs and pulls me onto the edge of the tub. "What are you doing?"
"Getting in with you. I'll keep your head above the water. Come on." She helps me in and then slides in next to me. My head lulls against her neck, smelling the sweat and soap of her skin.
"You smell good," I whisper, afraid to speak louder for fear that this moment will end. My hands glide down her sides and then back up, exploring her back and stomach.
Her breath shivers against my head. I rest against her, feeling heavy and exhausted and eaten by the pain. It's a combination of dizzy and lucid. My eyes open and close, until things get dark and I lose myself to the pain.
The next time I open my eyes, we're in the guest bedroom down stairs. Somehow I'm dressed in clean boxers and a black tank top. The pain is less but still persistent enough moving hurts. Rin is reading a book with a small light on, also dressed in pajamas. "Hey," she mutters and sets the book down. Her lips touch mine, I open for her, kissing them tenderly and then pull her closer. "How are you feeling?"
Shrugging, I choose not to answer. I still feel like I was hit by a truck.
"Hungry?"
"I can't eat when I feel like this."
"Something easy on the stomach? A smoothie? Hot soup? You need to eat something."
"Nothing."
She turns the light off and moves closer to me. "Is it okay if I sleep here tonight? I wanted to make sure you had what you needed. I cathed you in your sleep."
"What?"
She sniggers. "You said you needed the bathroom but couldn't make it yourself."
Growling out frustration with myself, I kiss her forehead. "You can sleep here. You just wanted to touch me."
"Maybe. You're so warm."
"Are you cold?" I pull the blanket over her shoulders.
"A little. Can I ask you something?" I feel a hand slide up my shirt and rest on my side, making me take a sharp breath in. "Um…do you know where your erogenous zones are?"
"I'm in pain." Now I know where her mind is.
"I mean not now, but…you said sometimes it's hard you know, but you always seem to have no issues when I massage-Oh my gosh!" she giggles. I feel a firm hand running the length of my side, and in the stupor of Vicodin and with a warm female body next to mine, I start panting. "I knew it!"
I groan into her ear. "I think that's one of them."
She reaches behind me and turns the lamp on. "It could distract you." She lays a thick kiss on my lips, enough to rouse my senses more.
I never looked for them before. One of my many concerns after the injury was whether or not I would be able to perform. At first an erection was farthest from my mind, until the swelling and pain diminished and because the one person I wanted next to me the most wasn't there. I had hoped that Kagura would come around and together we would find the places on my body where that would become more sensitive but that never happened.
Now with Rin, the offer is appetizing, despite the pain. "Are you tired?" she says dejected.
"Yes," I answer but thread my fingers through her hair, pulling her lips back to mine. "You can look."
"I don't want you to do something you're not comfortable with. We can wait."
"Rin," I pause, trying to think of what to say. The doctors had said that this would be something I'd have to relearn and that other areas would become more sensitive in place of my penis. I can't feel it. I tried masturbating and although I can reach arousal, I rarely climax. In essence, I've never done this before and feel like I'm on a maiden voyage.
"Tell me," she mutters against my lips, brushing hers against mine.
Swallowing, I answer, "I didn't with Kagura. We never got this far, after."
"If it helps, I've never helped someone find their erogenous zones. I mean, I've suggested, based off scientific data, but it might violate a few HIPPA rules for me to look. Take your shirt off."
Leaning forward, I slide it off my shoulders and then lean back against the pillows, taking deep breaths. Just the thought that she is going to touch me lights a fire in the parts of my stomach I can actually feel.
Rin is adorable. She taps her lips, and smiles at me. Then slides up next to me, kissing the joint of my neck. The sensation makes me grip the bedsheets on either side. It tingles and burns all at once. I watch enraptured how the actions makes the material of my boxers start to twitch.
"Feels good?"
"Very much so."
"So your neck and sides." She sits on her knees and then licks my collarbone, nipping at the joint. "No?"
"Not as much as the neck."
"Okay." She grins like she's a girl again and then licks my pec, and sucks on my skin. It tingles, sending chills down my sides and goosebumps up my arms.
"Yes," I whisper, lost in the sensation. A tent is building between my legs. I'm tempted to wrap my fingers around myself as she explores.
She slides down further, licking my stomach. It's when she hits the middle of my stomach an uncanny whine leaves my mouth. "God…" My boxers are suddenly too tight and the pink tip of my penis pokes through the button holes.
"I think I found something."
It makes pressure build in my stomach as she works her mouth against my skin. Each flick of her tongue sends of waves heat into my back. I hold onto her head and gaze in shock at my shaft. It's bubbling at the top. Groaning, I release the button, freeing myself. She reaches for me and pumps me. I can't feel it, but watching it is so erotic. She runs her palm through the precum and then slides it down my shaft, massaging my tip while sucking harder on my belly. I can't breathe, only pant trying to keep up with how this is making me feel.
I'm lost in the feel of her mouth against my skin until time passes and she pats my shaft. "Stubborn guy. My mouths getting tired."
"I told you." I find a tissue to wipe the tip and close my boxers.
"It's okay." She lays down against my chest. "Is this making you hurt more?"
"Was I hurting?"
"Typical male. Distract you from the pain with a good hand job."
"Gave my mind something else to do." I rub her arm, delicately feeling her skin. "And you?" Kiss her passionately, nipping at her chin. "Can I do anything for you?"
"What do you want to do?" she asks me, obviously nervous and debating whether or not she wants to do this.
Sliding the back of my hand into her thin shorts and underwear, I search for her slit and the press against her clit with the back of my finger. "I don't want to be penetrated."
She's hot and wet. "Take your bottoms off."
"Okay," she says shakily and pushes them off. While she does, I push myself lower on the bed. "What are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing?" I pull myself up between her legs, mouth resting inches from her opening. Like this, I can see that she's already swelling, wanting more.
"What if it tastes weird?"
"I like the way it tastes."
"But you never tasted mine." She puts her palms on my forehead to stop my advance.
"Has no one done this for you before?" I tease the top of her opening. She wiggles beneath me.
"Shouldn't I wipe it off or something?"
"Rin?"
"Um…Bya did it once and said it tasted weird and he didn't like it. He was the first one and I guess—"
"Shh," I stop her, leaning down and gently kissing her lips that pine for attention.
She groans, gripping the top of the bed.
I lick one lip and then the other. Each time she flexes her muscles. "You're sure it's okay?" she asks me.
"I'm sure it's okay." I open her lips and lick the sides of her skin. Each time she groans and moans. Fingers thread through my hair. She's so moist inside, I can see it building. Sliding my tongue back up her slit and just before I take her bud in my mouth, the door opens.
"Shit! Miroku!" she shrieks, pulling the blanket over both of us, including my head. "Can't you knock!"
"Sorry!" the door slams closed and I collapse against her belly, pushing the blanket off me.
"Stop laughing," she tells me, sliding out from my body and closing her legs. "What do you want Miroku?"
"I was just going to see if either of you want to eat anything…well anything that's not—"
"Miroku!" she shrieks. I can actually feel her skin heating up and when I see her face, she's redder than a cherry. "We're fine!"
"I'm sure you are. We're going to bed…Sango you won't believe what they're doing!"
"Great," Rin groans and pulls her bottoms back on. "Mood killer. How's your pain?"
"It still hurts," I answer earnestly. Reaching for my bag of pills, I take out another Vicodin and swallow it with water. "But it's nice to not be alone."
We curl up for the night talking. I tell her about my father coming to the appointment, and that I have access to my trust fund again. She smiles and hugs me tightly, celebrating with me. "You should try to make up with him."
"Maybe," I whisper, feeling the medicine kick in again.
"How long does the pain last?"
"Hours sometimes, days. It changes. This time," I've been through this so often, I can gauge it by intensity, "maybe a day."
"You should stay until it stops. The surgery?"
"I have to schedule a cat scan and another EMG and an X-ray. But most likely in a month or so."
"I'm happy for you."
"Mmh," I sigh, holding her waist. "Goodnight Rin."
"Goodnight."
It's dark when I feel stirring next to me and hear the sounds of an alarm going off. I don't remember much of the night, besides waking up every now and then when one side flamed more than the other to painfully change positions. "Sorry," she tells me, sitting up, yawning and rubbing her eyes. She resembles a racoon in the moonlight but her lips are warm against mine. "It's five. Jak's going to be here in thirty minutes. Are you coming?"
I test the range of motion in my arms, waiting for the tell-tale burn of pain. It's dull but still there. "You look exhausted."
"You didn't sleep well. Half the night you moaned you sleep and whenever you woke up, I woke up too."
Guilt hits me square in the chest, because I don't quite remember last night. I remember tossing, trying to find a comfortable position and feeling like I was on a spit being roasted alive and nothing more.
"Massage seemed to help. Especially your neck and shoulders. I think it's over exertion and I forgot to tell you, I got you something." She reaches over to the nightstand pulls down a sealed package of sports gloves. "For your hands."
There are no words to express the gratitude I feel for this woman. I pull her against my still bare chest and kiss her lips, languishing in the taste of berries and cinnamon. "What have you been eating?"
"Sango makes an amazing sugar free cinnamon roll. Well low sugar. It's delicious and I was too tired for anything else last night."
"Now you know what it's like," I say, stroking her hair. "Are you ready to run?"
"Not yet. Who knows, one day I'll be sick of my ass and you'll be the one staying up all night to take care of me. Are you coming? You look so tired."
Throwing a forearm over my eyes, I consider how my body feels before responding, "I'll come."
The days seem to blur together as life swallows me. We spent the morning creating Rin's calendar between now and the qualifying rounds and settling on trying to get a score of at least 200. We focus on changing her diet, something I'm stickler about.
Professional sports are unforgiving on the body. If she wants the triples to be higher, she needs to have less to force into the air. But my own trauma with eating poorly comes back and it leads to an argument about how many calories she should eat and how quickly to try to take the weight off. In the end we agree no more than a pound a week and by February she should be light enough to land triples more comfortably without blowing out the knee.
In between training her, comes my own life. The day after I met with Dr. Hazan I went downtown to meet with the executor of my trust fund. Jaken is a squat man with a toad face that has worked with my father for as long as I can remember. He hands me the check for four thousand dollars and then takes my information to direct deposit the funds next time. "And if I want more?"
"You have to talk to your father."
Which led to a week later dear old dad and I sitting down for lunch in a deli in downtown Denver. He ate nervously, entirely unsure of what to say or how to behave. Should he move chairs for me? Open doors? At what point does it become coddling and in the end we only talk superficially because twenty years of fighting can't disappear overnight. "Jaken said you wanted more?"
"I'm trying become independent. In order to do that I need a car adapted so I can drive. Which involves getting a driver's license, which I can't get until the doctors and the rehab facility decide I am not a menace on the road."
"Driving lessons?"
"Yes."
"You're going to complete this time?"
"I'm not in as much pain as I was then, Dad. Neither am I freshly coming off a back injury and mourning my lost career."
"Fair enough," he answers me, setting down his french fries. "I take it these lessons don't come cheap?"
"Only a hundred dollars an hour. Everything I am currently making and again in order to take them, I must have my own car with the proper adaptations."
"What kind of car are you looking at?"
"Honda Kicks. It's affordable, but with a big enough trunk to store my chair and they have contracts with many local installation companies."
"New or used?"
"It depends on what I can afford. A new one is twenty grand. I sold the ring I bought for Kagura. I need around two thousand for the installation, two thousand for the lessons and twenty thousand for the car, plus taxes and fees. Whatever that comes to."
Taking another bite of fries, he chews thoughtfully. "I'll go with you to get the car—"
"It's not necessary." I don't need my father with me.
"Sesshomaru, I missed so much. Let me do this, teach me how to be the father you need me to be."
I'm a grown man. I don't cry in public, but it takes every last ounce of strength to refrain from breaking into tears, because my father, the man who has never been what I needed, finally wants to be.
Please review! Oh come on Miroku you ruined the moment!
I have no story recommendations this week because I've been very busy writing.
I've heard Guardian by Ruddcatha is very good. And also Spirited Soulmates by Fawn-eyed-girl
Kimmigirl9: Patience, the lemon will come eventually! I also have been having fun building their relationship.
smmahamazing: They can finally date! And explore erogenous zones too.
CMK727: Thank you, and here's another chapter!
Vilbernx2: I know the repentant father. I'm trying as much as possible to keep this close to reality. I saw this tweet the other day about people using their feet to kick the handicap button on doors and it hit me square in the chest because of this story. I've done that before and I will NEVER do it again. I always felt like I was a sensitive person to diversity but this is really bringing it out of me. I will keep the department of rehabilitation in mind. Lucky for me I can edit that in as necessary.
Mechine: As always, thank you! I have been pooring some body and soul into these stories.
Emerald Bitch: Thank you! I am loving building his self confidence and keeping him moving. It seems like he just needed someone to really believe in him to help him move forward. YES you must read the disease :)...I should be finished posting the whole story by next month. It's been slow going because of home life.
Jenny Crum: The fun thing with this story is that people are so used to how I usually write that they are just waiting for some bad to happen. I'm trying to avoid that in this story. The Disease is dark enough for all of us.
Iambatman128: Well I am so glad you are invested in this story and enjoyed it sooo much! It's been a fun ride trying to write something "light"...not my usual style so I'm glad it's received well.