So I had this conversation all planned out... and the Byleth didn't want to follow the script. And when Byleth went off script, of course, Dimitri happily followed so nothing I had thought up fit well. So, finally, here's the big talk and it feels a little anti-climactic to me but... well, whatever.
Sorry it took a month to get out and as always, enjoy.
-DarkDevilsAdvocate.
"May we speak?"
There was a moment of silence as both of the men waited for Byleth's response, Dimitri letting out the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding when she nodded.
"If you'll excuse me. I think it's about time I put your advice into practice." Byleth gave an uneasy smile to Seteth who waved her off; motioning for her to go ahead with Dimitri.
With Seteth's blessings, Byleth stood and followed Dimitri back towards the empty area that he and Felix had been using earlier to spar while trying to ignore the curious gazes of every eye that followed them. Dimitri was also aware of everyone's attention as he led her further away from the edge of camp than was strictly necessary so that there was little chance of them being overheard on accident.
They stood in silence at the forest's edge as Byleth waited for Dimitri to gather his thoughts and start the conversation. He had been the first to approach her for this conversation so she felt that it was only respectful to let him begin when he was ready.
"Byleth..." His voice wasn't more than a murmur but enough to gain her attention. Dimitri had turned to look at her with a serious expression and she felt herself begin to shake as she resisted her fight or flight instincts that kicked in. It was a weird sensation to feel when she had faced him at his worse and had never felt the adrenaline rush she had now. Was it the situation she was currently in? Did she want to run from whatever had him looking so serious? Or was it something else that was pushing her? Something she couldn't name?
Dimitri must have noticed the slight shake to her hands, despite her gripping them together to hide the effect, and increased the distance between them by a step. It helped a little but only because She was distracted by how thoughtful his actions were. It was as if whatever had flooded her with adrenaline had realized that he was no threat to her.
"I know you said that you wanted time to think but I believe that this is important." He began in a carefully neutral voice. He may not have wanted to scare her, to drive her away, but his attitude that was borderline cold worried her all the same. She was surprised when he suddenly closed the distance between them in a single stride to grab her shoulders. "I will support you."
"Wha-?"
"I would rather not us separate but if that is what you truly wish for then I will step aside. I just want you to be happy. Even if you do finally decide that being with me will not bring you to that happiness, I hope we can at least still be comrades and, possibly, friends."
"Dimit-." Byleth began but he didn't hear her words as he continued his quickly created speech, releasing her to pace in order to keep his mind on what he needed to say without faltering.
"I must be honest, though, that I cannot say I will be completely without hurt or envy for the next man you choose to share your life with; but I will endeavor not to allow my feelings get in the way of our friendship. You are my Beloved and I only wish the best for you even if it is not with me. I just- I- W-why are you crying?!" Dimitri nearly shouted, coming to a sudden stop when he glanced towards Byleth to gauge her reaction. Silent tears were not what he had been expecting. Tears weren't what Byleth expected either. He quickly closed the distance between them, reaching out for her, but his hands just hovered in the air between them as he hesitated, afraid that he would only make it worse.
"You're so stupid..." Byleth said as she wiped at her face; including herself as well as Dimitri in that statement. Even if he asked, she had no answer to give him because she had no idea why she was crying. Her eyes had suddenly burned and the tears had come before she could stop them. It was a miserable thought that her husband had only seen her cry once, maybe twice, in the several years they had been married and now this Dimitri had seen her cry at least 4 times in less than one. "Why would you think I wanted to separate from you?"
"W-well Sylvain said that... that when a woman says that she needs time to think, she's reevaluating the relationship... Thinking about leaving... Was I wrong?"
"Maybe if it had been anyone else but I really did only need to think." Byleth answered with a shake of her head as she wiped at her face, trying desperately to stop her tears.
"I... I see..." Dimitri said even though he really didn't. He was still unsure what she had to think about so much that it wold take all day if it hadn't been her seriously considering leaving him. He stood there as he waited for Bylth to calm down so she could speak without gasps or sobs breaking up her words. It was a bit uncomfortable mostly because he could feel the stares of the people from the camp and he could imagine the whispers that were spreading as they watched Byleth sob before him. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yeah, you can stop throwing yourself into the way of danger!" Byleth snapped with a frown, sighing when her sudden spike of anger managed to dry away her tears more effectively than her previous attempts had. "I love you Dimitri. I don't want to be separated from you. I just don't want you to take any blows for me. If something happened to you... Even if I can fix it... If something happened to you, I don't think I could stand it. I... I don't know what I would do."
"So I should just allow you to be harmed?" Dimitri asked a little bitterly. She was asking a lot from him. This felt like the same argument that they had had the day before with nothing new to add. "What you ask for is unfair. Do you realize how I felt when you were burned at Gondor Field? When we weren't sure that you would survive your injuries? We weren't lovers then and I still felt the potential loss keenly. I cannot promise that I won't try to protect you."
Byleth frowned at Dimitri's stubbornness but didn't say anything as he grabbed her shoulders again.
"I know how skillful you are and I know that you will not go down easily but that does not mean that I cannot try and keep you from harm if given the chance. If you dislike it so much then you can either keep yourself out of danger or..." Dimitri gave her a small smile to the glare she leveled at his suggestion. "You can protect me."
Any irritation that Byleth had felt slipped away at the cheeky grin he gave her with his proposition. It was unexpected and she laughed at the silliness of it but it was probably the best they were going to get. The war would be over soon and if he was going to throw himself into danger, then she would just have to throw herself into protecting him.
"That's probably the silliest thing I have ever heard." She told him with a small laugh, leaning her forehead against his chest. Taking this as acceptance to his words, Dimitri wrapped his arms around her and held her tight.
"Thank the goddess..." He whispered, kissing Byleth when she looked up at him, having not quite heard what he had said. He would have laughed at her blush but instead he opted to glare at the soldiers that cheered, jeered, and wolfwhistled the kiss. His dark look was enough to send them all back to whatever they were doing before their curiosity got the better of them. Byleth, for her part, pressed herself against Dimitri and hiding herself in his cloak; embarrassed by the soldier's reactions.
"Well... If they didn't know before..." Byleth said in a joking tone, even as her voice was muffled by her face pressed against his armor. "It's pretty obvious that they know now."
Everyone was glad when they had returned to the monastery and the comforts it provided: warm baths, good food, comfortable beds.
it was in the dining hall in which Gilbert found Byleth. From the number of empty plates that surrounded her, her appetite was as hardy as ever.
"Is he ready?" Byleth asked while the knight was distracted by the sheer amount of food that the professor always managed to put away.
"Ah, yes. He asked that you join him."
"Then I'll head over now." Byleth replied as she stood and reached for the many plates spread around her seat, stopping when Gilbert held out his hand to pause her.
"I'll help. He wanted us both there."
"Thank you." Byleth smiled while Gilbert looked at the mass of empty plates and wondered just where she put it all.
"I cannot overlook your reckless remarks. Are you really so keen to lose your head?" Byleth walked into Dimitri's angry words. He spared her a glance when she stepped up next to him, Rodrigue on his other side where Gilbert took his spot.
"I only did what I believed was right. I swear to the goddess that I'm not lying. Amidst the Tragedy, Lady Patricia was supposed to be the only one who was unharmed. We had been given orders ahead of time not to approach her carriage..."
"Was Patricia an accomplice?" Byleth asked. This was one of the rare moments that she didn't remember. Perhaps it was because it was an odd conversation that didn't have much impact on the end of the war or any of the reformations that happened afterward. She didn't know why, but her mind had pushed this conversation completely out of her head.
"Of course not. What would my stepmother have had to gain from such a -."
"Perhaps Lady Patricia would have done anything to return to the Empire... to her husband and daughter." Gilbert interrupted and Dimitri scowled at what was being hinted at.
"For the past few months, I've been spying on lords who defected to the Empires in order to investigate rumors about Lady Patricia." Gilbert gave Dimitri an apologetic look. "Cornelia's words were true. The two of them... I am afraid they conspired together, after all."
"Enough of this nonsense. You say she wished to return home? That isn't nearly enough reason to cause such a tragedy." Dimitri scowled, the familiar growl from those first few months returning, causing both Gilbert and Rodrigue to flinch at its sound. Gilbert straightened, trying to hide his reaction that had been obvious because it had been mirrored by Rodrigue, tried to explain.
"I do not intent to imply that the two of them were solely responsible for the whole affair. There were likely nobles who apposed the king, or potentially someone who wanted to throw the Kingdom into chaos. The Empire, and people like Solon and Kronya, had their motives, too."
"So, my stepmother joined with them to cause the tragedy... Is that what you believe?"
"Ultimately, this is just conjecture based on the evidence at hand. I have no idea what their true intentions were." Gilbert answered as he held his hands out, palms up, in an attempt to pacify his angry king.
"I see. We will hear what this man has to say. For now..."
"My lord had long felt that King Lambert's radical ways were dangerous." The prisoner started with little prompting. "At the time, he was approached with an offer to take part in the incident at Duscur... My lord loves his homeland. To me, he embodied justice. We were only doing what we thought was right."
"And so, In the name of justice, he caused massacre upon massacre out of love for his homeland. You murdered your own king, killed our soldiers, and involved innocent citizens. And yet you have the gall to speak of justice?"
"I am only standing before you now because I could no longer bear the weight of my sins." The prisoner confessed while maintaining eye contact with Dimitri's cold glare.
"Do you regret your actions?" Byleth asked as she took a subtle step closer to Dimitri for two reasons: the first being to give Dimitri support in response to the obvious unease that Rodrigue and Gilbert showed. The second was so she could easily step in if Dimitri decided to attack though she doubted he would. She had no memory of him doing so before but there was always the chance that her choices could change something. Rodrigue standing on his other side was proof of that.
"No. I accept your hatred, and even the punishment of death, but I still believe it was a massacre in the name of justice."
"Gilbert. Lock this man in his cell." Dimitri scowled and Byleth reached out to take his hand, coaxing him to open his fist so she could thread her fingers with his, and ignoring the pain his grip gave. He needed this.
"Are you not... going to kill him?" Gilbert hesitated in case the prince suddenly changed his mind and suddenly lashed out.
"I will make that decision once I have had time to consider this man's definition of justice."
"Yes, Your Highness." Gilbert gave a slight bow and lifted the prisoner from his kneeling position and led him out of the room. Silence blanketed the room after his departure. Rodrigue looked as if he wanted to say something but was unsure if he should with Dimitri glaring at the spot the prisoner had occupied. After a moment he released Byleth's hand and strode out of the room.
"I had... suspicions..." Rodrigue sighed heavily, breaking the silence that surrounded them. "But never anything as concrete as a confession. That Patricia, Dimitri's step-mother, had a hand in the tragedy. Conjecture was all I had. Perhaps having him interact with the prisoner was a mistake."
"Why?"
"Could you imagine what it would be like to find out that the woman you thought as a mother, the only mother you have ever known, was a part of a plan that resulted in the death of your father, guards, and so many innocent people? A whole country destroyed by one woman." Rodrigue said as he faced her, giving her an appealing expression. "Please. Keep an eye on him. I have a fear that this may cause him to backslide."
It was dark when she found him in front of the alter. Byleth had waited on purpose to give him time to calm down and so that their conversation wouldn't be interrupted or overheard as everyone else would be heading to their beds.
"Are you OK?" Byleth asked though she knew the answer.
"No... I can't say that I am." Dimitri replied softly, turning to face her as he asked his question. "Tell me, Professor... How well do you remember your father, Jeralt?"
She remembered this question. She remembered her previous answer. She had told him that yes, she remembered her father well. She remembered the smell of steel and oil as he patiently taught her how to wield a sword. How he would laugh whenever she replied with a deadpan remark to something another mercenary said. How he would ruffle her hair or how he used to pick her up so she could ride his shoulder when she was still a child.
Now... now the answer was different. She had so many more years to fade her memories. She couldn't remember the color of his eyes. She remembered his laugh but not the sound of his voice. She forgot everyday interactions. Banal conversations. Easy-going days... they were all fading away.
"Not very well."
"I figured as much. Even the memory of those who pass away is taken from those they left behind. Little by little. Year by year." Dimitri sighed and closed his eye. "To be honest, I cannot really remember my stepmother's... that woman's smile. Nor the sound of her voice. I always told myself that I would not allow my mind to forget. And yet... all I can recall with clarity is her gazing away, so forlorn. Did my stepmother wish to go home so badly that she would kill Father and me... kill her false family?"
Dimitri's expression took on a contemplative look.
"Home... to her own blood. Her true family."
"I don't have those answers." Byleth answered his unspoken question. She could see that he was wondering if his step-mother never thought of him and his father as part of her family. She stepped closer and he willingly welcomed her into his arms, resting his cheek on the top of her head as he sighed again.
"I suppose it doesn't make any difference now. I am asking you questions you could not possibly know the answer to. I am finished with thoughts like that. I am finally able to go on living without clinging to hate. If I truly treasure those who have died, then I must earnestly atone for my sins."
Byleth gave him a little squeeze in silent support and she felt him shift so he could place a light kiss to her hair in thanks, his voice slightly muffled.
"Father, Glenn, all if the soldiers who have fallen... The people of Duscur who still suffer persecution... The only atonement I can offer them now is to take responsibility for this broken Kingdom that has been entrusted to me. That is why I must meet with Edelgard and try to talk to her. Do you think it's a fool's errand? Honestly... I think so too."
"No, I don't think that." She murmured with a slight shake of her head. She couldn't see his expression nor him hers but they both seemed to know that they were supported. "I understand. You need to ask her about the future she's fighting for."
"Yes... For what she aims for after her domination is complete. What kind of justice she clings to ask she fights. And why she felt it necessary to start this war... I believe that asking her these things is the true responsibility I have been tasked with as king."
"Send her your message. I'm sure she will agree to meet with you." Byleth spoke with the confidence of someone who had been through this before and Dimitri gave a soft laugh at her assurance. Somehow it was comforting to him to know that Byleth had lived through this before. Her conviction gave him strength.
"You know, Beloved... When we fought in Fhirdiad, Cornelia mocked me and called me pitiful. But even if it is true that my stepmother never loved me, I am not to be pitied. After all, I have allies and dear friends who care for me. And now, I also have you by my side."
Byleth allowed herself to smile at his words, looking up at him when she felt his grip around her loosen, and eagerly returned the kiss he gave her. She knew, with this, that everything was going to be alright.