Chapter 16

Elanor stood listening as Braen informed her of the state of their forces, though it was growing more difficult to concentrate. They were left with so few after the battle, though one look at the battlefield could have told her that. While the force of men had mostly stayed within the fortress, her kin had ventured out when the wall had been overtaken.

A small bitterness settled in her for a moment. This had not originally been their battle and yet they had sustained the most losses. But just as quickly she heard Haldir's voice in her mind, telling her that it was every bit their battle to fight. The bitterness slowly subsided. Though what did it matter?

Haldir was dead.

Once Braen had finished, she nodded, a numbness settling on her as she felt all of her energy quickly draining from her now that the battle was won. Around her, others celebrated their survival, but all she could do was think about those they had lost.

"Make sure the wounded are taken care of. As soon as we are able, we shall ride for Lothlorien," she said stoically, desperate to keep her calm mask until she was alone and could grieve in private. Braen nodded and walked away.

In that moment, Elanor's limbs felt far too heavy. She had seen a healer, but yet could still feel every single injury she had incurred during the battle. And just under all that, the dull ache in her heart was beginning to grow.

Sighing, Elanor looked around her, but upon seeing no one that would wish to speak to her, she started for the keep. There was the matter of Haldir to take care of, though she did not think herself yet strong enough to see his body. She had asked the healer to put him in a room away from the others and keep him there until one of their kind could tend to his body.

Passing through the main hall of the keep, she noticed a bottle of ale left untended on a table. She stopped, considering it for a moment before looking around. No one had noticed her, nor would they likely notice the missing bottle. For a moment, she could hear him again. Telling her not to do it.

As she continued staring at it, contemplating the drink, there was a rush of footsteps. She turned her head, seeing the healer from before rushing up to her, looking just as tired as she felt in that moment.

"My lady," he said, slightly out of breath. "I have been searching for you."

"What is it?" she asked. He took a deep breath and met her eyes.

"My lady, he is alive," he said.

Elanor's heart stopped for a moment. Surely this was but a trick. She had watched Haldier die with her own eyes. Saw the light leave his eyes. This was a cruel joke.

"What?" she asked, still not believing him, though her heart began pounding. Her mind felt as though it were made of sludge as she struggled to grasp at what he was saying.

The healer sighed in mild frustration as he stepped closer to her, raising his voice.

"The elf warrior you brought to me… he is still alive."

"He's… he's alive?" she whispered, tears springing into her eyes as her hand flew to her mouth and she felt her legs buckle. She reached out, steadying herself on the table, closing her eyes for a moment.

Haldir was alive.

She then straightened up, turning to the healer.

"Take me to him. Now."

Legolas leaned against the wall, listening as Aragorn and the others spoke with King Theoden. He was surprised not to see Elanor among them, though the elf he knew to be just under her in command was there. He supposed she was within her room, mourning the passing of Haldir in private.

Even after all these years, he knew her well enough to remember that she still struggled with hiding her true feelings. It was part of who she was - a vestige of her mortal background. Now that she was leading the elven company, she would not wish to show what she perceived as weakness in front of them or the men, though Legolas had always thought it one of her more endearing traits.

"We shall ride for Edoras as soon as the injured are able to be moved," Theoden said, drawing Legolas' attention again. His eyes then slid over to the elf as Theoden looked at him expectantly.

"Lady Elanor wishes that we return to Lothlorien as soon as we are able," he said. "We will ride out as soon as we have prepared our fallen captain's body for transport." A look of disappointment fell over Theoden's face, though the king quickly hid it.

There would be more fighting, more battles, ahead and it was clear the mortal king had hoped the elves would remain, offering more aid. But so few were left after the battle that even Legolas questioned how much help it would be.

"I understand," Theoden said. The elf nodded. "I believe that is all for now."

Legolas moved to Aragorn's side as the king walked over to speak to his own captain. Aragorn spoke to the elf in their tongue, offering his own condolences to the loss of his kin and leader. The elf bowed slightly and then walked off.

"So, they will not stay," Legolas breathed, looking around the room.

"Did you think that they would?" Aragorn asked.

"I had hoped, but it would make more sense for them to return. Their own borders need guarding and they lost a large amount of soldiers in this battle," Legolas said, finally meeting Aragorn's eyes.

"You had hoped that she would stay," Aragorn said.

"Yes," Legolas said, beyond hiding his thoughts around his friend. "But… I can see why she will not." Legolas then cast another worried look around the room, his thoughts going to Elanor. It was likely she was taking the loss hard. He remembered how she had been that day on patrol. The day they lost Fenris. There was no doubt in his mind that she would find some way to blame this on herself as well.

"I should… I should find her. To offer what help I can as they make preparations," Legolas said. Aragorn nodded, giving his consent for Legolas to see after his old friend.

Elanor stood against the wall, staring at the body that lay on the bed. She could not take her eyes from Haldir but at the same time, she could not bring herself to move closer. For a moment, she thought perhaps he had passed on, he was lying so still and his pallor far too pale.

But then she saw the slight rise of his chest and she knew. He was still alive, though just barely. She could not help as guilt flowed through her. She had left him alone when she should have been the one to heal him as she had failed to protect him on the battleground as well.

Slowly, Elanor stepped forward, dropping down onto a stool at the bedside, her eyes scanning up and down his body, her healer's eye looking for anything more that she could do.

They had taken off his armor and cleaned the mud and blood from his face and hair, though his pale skin was painted in bruises. A bandage was wrapped tightly around his chest, the pristine white stained slightly where the sword had run him through.

She had quickly informed the mortal healer that she would take over his care from here out when he brought her to Haldir's room, then sent him off with a list of supplies that she would need to see after him. She had then methodically assessed his wounds.

While elves could survive a great many things than men could not, it would take nothing short of a miracle to keep him alive from this.

Elanor shakily reached out, taking his hand into her own as tears began to prick at her eyes. She was still in her armor, coated in mud and orc blood, but she did not wish to leave his side for a second, worried he might die while she was away.

Haldir did not deserve this. She was supposed to protect him, and she hadn't.

"Why did we come here?" she whispered.

"Because it was the right thing to do," she could hear him say.

"I know…" she muttered.

She had thought she was ready for this. That it was her duty. It was time to pick the weapons of war once again to help protect those she loved and held dear; help protect Middle Earth. Now all she felt was pain - because of her yet another person she cared for was injured and she did not know if he would survive.

She closed her eyes as tears silently poured down her cheeks.

"Who goes there?" a voice called out. Elanor stopped and looked around, her hands up. She knew as soon as she passed through the borders and entered the woods of Lothlorien, the guard would find her. She hoped that Haldir would be among them. With everything that had happened, she desperately wanted to see a friendly face right now.

"Elanor, daughter of Ailmar of Mirkwood and Fraeya of Lothlorien," she shouted. Her ears picked up the sound of feet moving through the forest - about ten elves by her count. Her eyes flashed over to see one figure, a tall ellon with long blonde hair, step out. He was followed by others who surrounded her, their bows at the ready. "Has it been so long that you've already forgotten me, Haldir?"

Haldir could not help but smile as the others lowered their bows.

"It has been a rather long time, Elanor, though I assure you, no one would so easily forget you," he replied. Though as she pulled her hood down, his expression quickly changed into one of worry.

"I know that I have sent no word, but surely my aunt and uncle will welcome me," she said, willing her voice to be strong. "I was in a bit of a hurry to get away."

"Welcome back to Lothlorien," he said, bowing slightly. "Allow me to escort you to the city."

He motioned for her to follow him and Elanor moved, falling into step with him. She could feel him watching her as the others in the patrol moved back to whatever positions they had been in prior to her arrival.

Elanor's thoughts went back to Mirkwood and the ever constant guards at its gates. Guarding the forest surrounding the great hall. She sucked in a quick breath, shaking her head. She would not let her thoughts fly through the halls of Mirkwood to their ultimate destination.

"What distresses you?" Haldir asked.

"Nothing," she lied quickly. "I am just tired. I barely stopped as I traveled here."

Haldir did not say anything more, though continued to watch her as they walked. Elanor blinked rapidly, willing the tears to stay at bay. She did not want to seem weak in front of him, though they had long been friends. It was her biggest flaw, in her mind, that despite her age, she still could not suppress her emotions and feelings the way that others could.

And she was not yet ready to share with him her real reason for being here.

"Where is your warrior spirit," she thought to herself. Quickly rearranging her face into a more neutral expression, she held her head a bit higher as they made their way towards the city of Caras Galadhon.

"How long do you intend to stay this time?" Haldir asked.

"I am not sure," she admitted. "For a time, I should think. I do not wish to return soon."

"What is it that brings you here?" he then asked. Elanor shot him a look, praying that he would stop asking questions she was not ready to answer. Though she was surprised that he had not attempted to shake it out of her yet.

"Do I need a reason? Perhaps I missed seeing you," she replied, though it sounded much harsher that she intended. If Haldir had noticed, he did not say so.

"I shall be sure to mention it to Orophin and Rumil," he said easily. "Then perhaps they will put aside their foolish wager over who will wed you." Elanor tried to smile at the quip, but from the look on Haldir's face, she knew that it must have come across more a grimace.

But thankfully he did not push her further, the two falling into silence as they continued on through the wood.

They finally entered the edges of the city, with more elves appearing, going to and fro. Some bowed their heads towards Haldir and herself. She must look rough from the journey, wearing her traveling clothes, a bow and quiver on her back while a sword was sheathed at her side. Elanor could not help but to glance down self-consciously at her dirty and rumpled clothing. Her father would likely have something to say if she were to meet with Galadriel and Celeborn as such. But he was in Mirkwood, not here. So Elanor would do as she pleased.

"I hope that your journey was uneventful," Haldir ventured to say as they neared the large home where Galadriel and Celeborn dwelled.

"It was," she replied shortly, making it clear that she did not wish to discuss anything remotely related to why she was here. They continued forward, starting up the tall, long staircase. Once they neared the top, Haldir stopped suddenly.

"Here is where I leave you, Elanor," he said as Elanor turned to face him. He bowed, a soft smile on his face. "I must return to my post, but I hope to see you again very soon." She smiled briefly.

"Thank you," she said, nodding her head towards him. Before she could turn to go up the rest of the stairs, he reached out and took her hand, pulling her to him and hugging her fiercely. More tears filled her eyes, but she fought them off, realizing that in that moment, she needed the strength the embrace gave her. He then let go of her, offering a smile before stepping back.

Elanor turned and took a deep breath before ascending the rest of the stairs.

"My dearest niece, Elanor," Galadriel said, a bright smile on her face as Elanor stepped up and bowed.

"Lady Galadriel…"

Elanor opened her eyes, still tightly gripping Haldir's hand as she gulped and attempted to stop the flow of the tears down her cheeks.

"You must survive, Haldir," she whispered, her brow furrowed as she looked down at him. "You cannot leave the world in this way..."

She knew in that moment that she would do everything in her power to save him, even if it meant staying by his side day and night. He had given so much to her, it was only fair that she now give everything of herself to save him.

"You must stop this!" Haldir shouted as he stood in the middle of her room. Elanor turned in her chair and blearily looked over at him, an empty goblet in her hand.

"Stop what?" she asked, her speech a bit slurred. Haldir charged across the room and grabbed the goblet from her.

"This!" he shouted, holding it in front of her face. He then walked over and took the bottle and started for the balcony. Elanor was immediately on her feet, trying to follow him.

"What are you doing!" she bellowed, though her legs got caught in her dress and she stumbled and nearly fell. She caught hold of a table and looked over in time to see Haldir pouring the contents of the bottle out over the balcony's edge.

"I am helping you, Elanor," he said, not looking at her. Elanor began breathing heavily as she felt the anxiety build. Without the wine she wouldn't fall into a dreamless sleep. The nightmares would come. Perhaps she should speak to Durothil and ask for some tonic instead.

"You do not know what you are doing," she said, as she stared at the table. "You are condemning me to pain." She nearly collapsed, but suddenly strong arms were around her, holding her up. She looked up, seeing Haldir's eyes in the midst of the swirling, their grey depths holding so much concern. For her. "Why?"

Haldir did not answer, but instead pulled her close to him. She rested her head on his chest, feeling the tears fall from her eyes.

"I cannot do this," she whispered.

"Yes, you can. You have the strength within you," he replied.

"It has left me," she said.

"It is there still," he said. "I know you, Elanor. You are far stronger than this. Far stronger than you currently think." Elanor tightened her hold on him, feeling that if she let go, she would break into a million pieces.

"I do not deserve this," she muttered. He pulled back and looked down at her, gently grabbing her chin and guiding her to look up at him.

"You deserve more than you think you do," he replied. "And you have me… I am here to do anything that you ask of me." Elanor just blinked before leaning her head against his chest again.

While the pain was more overwhelming, a small part of her began to think that perhaps he could be right.

Legolas quietly stood in the doorway, watching Elanor as she sat next to the bed, tears still falling down her cheeks, her lips moving as she murmured under her breath - whether it was for healing or she was speaking to Haldir, he was not sure. When he had heard the news that the marchwarden was indeed still alive, he nearly could not believe it and needed to see it with his own eyes. But here was his proof.

The marchwarden had somehow survived the battle. And he had told Elanor to leave him on the battleground. Guilt roared through him. Even if Haldir had appeared dead at the time and even used his last wakeful words to tell him to protect Elanor and for to leave him.

Legolas knew that Elanor would no doubt be blaming herself for his injury; had likely done so already when she thought him dead. As soon as the battle had ended, he saw the fire go out in her eyes as she turned back to the Hornburg, knowing that Haldir's body would be here.

She had not noticed his arrival, sitting with Haldir's hand in her own and for a moment, Legolas thought that perhaps he should leave them be. But he could not force his legs to move, feeling as though his feet had sunk into the ground as he felt the familiar pain in his chest begin.

It mattered not if they were promised, Elanor's feelings for Haldir were clear. She had nearly lost him this day and her anguish was written on her face. Though he was alive, he was still grievously injured, and it was not yet known if he would live through this.

Legolas started to slowly back away, but Elanor turned to look at him, hearing his light steps. Her eyes were rimmed in red, making them appear much bluer than usual.

"I only wished to see how you were faring," he said softly, stepping back towards the room.

"He did not deserve this," she whispered, turning back to look at Haldir. She reached out and gently touched his cheek. "He is a great fighter… if only I could have gotten there faster…"

Legolas remained silent, unsure of what to say to her. He wanted to tell her that she had done everything she could for Haldir - shouting to warn him of the danger, taking out two of the Uruk Hai on her own. And now, using her healing skills. But he knew that she wouldn't listen.

Additionally, the last time they had lost someone on the battlefield, Legolas had said the wrong thing and pushed her away. He did not wish to make the same mistake twice. But he could see that she was in pain and he desperately wanted to do what he could to help ease her plight.

"But he has survived," Legolas said. "And with your hands, he will soon be fully healed." Elanor sniffed slightly, reaching out to smooth Haldir's hair.

"I hope that I can heal him," she said, her brow furrowed. "I worry this is beyond me. We need to move him back to Lothlorien quickly… Durothil can heal him far better than I…"

"Do no doubt yourself, Elanor. It is not what he would want," Legolas said. Elanor looked over at him, her expression unreadable. She then looked back at Haldir. The corner of her mouth twitched, as though she were nearly going to smile. But then the look of worry settled over her features once again.

"We are to leave in the morning," she said. "Beyond Haldir, there are a few others in our company that are hurt and in need of more serious healing that cannot be offered here."

"I have heard," Legolas said, his heart aching. She had come back into his life a second time and now she was going to leave again.

His heart began to pound slightly as he felt the words rising up in his throat, dancing on his tongue. But rather than say anything, he swallowed his words.

"Do not forget to rest, I beg of you, Elanor," he said, his voice cracking. "You have been through so much today."

"My main concern is Haldir," she replied curtly, her eyes not leaving the marchwarden.

"Of course," Legolas said. He then turned to leave.

"I am sorry."

He stopped and looked back, seeing her looking at him again.

"I should not treat you so… you are only looking out for my well-being," she said softly.

"I understand and take no offense, Elanor," he said, offering her a reassuring smile. "I am here if you should need me. I can watch over Haldir while you sleep."

Elanor looked back at Haldir, frowning slightly. She then sighed and nodded.

"Yes, I suppose I could do that," she murmured.

"Very well, stay here and I shall see about another cot and perhaps a basin of water so that you may wash," Legolas said. Again, he started towards the door.

"Legolas."

He stopped once more just as he was to walk out. She was looking at him, tears sliding down her cheeks again.

"Thank you," she said. He smiled and bowed.

"Anything for you, Elanor," he said, hoping that she could see the depth of his devotion and hear it in his voice. For a moment, his heart soared as her eyes widened slightly. But then she shook her head and turned back to Haldir.

Sighing, Legolas turned, off in search of a servant or someone who could help. Regardless, his sole focus right now was on helping Elanor.

I didn't want to torture you guys, so figured I'd get this one up tonight as well. Full honesty – Haldir was supposed to die. I actually wrote the last chapter up through the ones I had finished previously (Ch. 19 or 20, I think) with Haldir dead. But when I was doing my soul-searching, I realized… I didn't want him to die. Hence the recent re-writing I talked about. And actually… that fit better into the chapters and story I already had written than his death and there was very little I had to change. So, you're welcome to everyone who didn't want him to die.

Samdeper13 – Thanks! They won't come this often, I think, after this. I'm still posting chapters that I wrote forever ago – hence why they are all super edited since I had time to really go over them. This one involves a fair amount of recent re-writing, so there might be some bits that are not as smooth or edited. I only have about 4 more chapters left to write (up to Ch. 21 finished), but still planning to slow down a bit until I get the entire thing finished.

Thanks for reading and following!