fel:i ate glue tonight. that's how low my self esteem and overall life quality is

It had been a slow and steady noise that knocked against his brain. A wave eroding his senses like a stone along the silt as it broke bit by bit till it turned to sand. Yuri kept swallowing the pills to hold back the tide of the black sea that was trying to drown him. He kept coating his throat in the taste of vinegar as he tried to hold himself up until Yuri could find Flynn and get himself realigned.

That's- that was what the person who found him wandering around the Lower Quarter stumbling like some drunk had said. "We need to get him to the Commandant before his mind turns to pudding."

"You're going to be okay. Just keep taking the pills like you're supposed to."

And he was. Yuri really was. He swallowed and gagged on the flavor and tried to keep his mind clear but all he got back were nosebleeds full of a thick black substance that smelled salt and- and made his head spin. He doesn't remember anything past those few hours when he first woke up only really that he was afraid and- and there were things- memories- just it's all a fog. A thick fog swallowing him up and threatening to swallow him whole.

"Here's an exercise to help you focus while we're getting to Hypionia. I want you to recite some basic facts about yourself. Start simple, your name, age, where you're from, your parents, your favorite food, colors; just little things you know for sure."

"My name is Yuri Lowell. I'm twenty-one and from the Lower Quarter. I don't know my parents. My favorite food is the raisin rum cake Mrs. Well's makes every winter for Christmas, and my favorite color is grey."

"Good. Just repeat that and I'll correct you when you start making mistakes."

And he did. He repeated. And repeated and repeated.

"…my favorite color is… my favorite color is blue like Flynn's eyes." Somewhere he knows that wrong but his head aches. It's grey. Yuri loves grey because it makes him think of the cobblestones of home and the sky before rain. He's corrected of course. He's reminded when he can only say he's unsure. He's unsure and it scares him so he takes another.

Yuri Lowell has never been lost as to who he was before. Never had doubts about his own mind. Never- what was he thinking about? His hands shake as he reaches for the bottle and finds it's empty. Another… another one is empty and when he tries to grab the still full one a hand swats his away.

"Are you trying to put yourself in a coma?"

Underwater. Yes, he's underwater and everything they're saying is just muffled and unclear. Just rolling around him as the black water tosses and turns him with the waves as they return. "Yuri recite the things you know about yourself."

What does he know about himself? "I love Flynn?" it slips out without effort. Without trying and it scares him.

Why is he unsure? Why is he scared? Doesn't he know? The waves crash harder into him as he gasps and tries to breathe. There's so much of that salty black water. So much just clinging and- "My name is Yuri Lowell. I'm twenty-one. I'm from the Lower Quarter. I don't know my parents. My favorite food is Mrs. Well's raisin rum cake. My favorite color is blue- gray. My favorite color is gray."

"Just hold on a bit longer. You're doing very well, Yuri."

But that's the thing he's holding onto a few facts but just at the corners of his mind he knows things are missing. That he's forgetting. He's forgotten things. Important things. Just keep breathing.

"I love… Flynn?"

Why am I still unsure?

How long have they been traveling? He's finally allowed another pill and it clears. "My name is… My name is Yuri Lowell. I'm twenty-one. I'm from the Lower Quarter. I don't know my parents. My favorite food is Mrs. Well's rum cake. My favorite color is blue."

It feels right. It all feels correct.

No. Something is wrong.

"…My favorite food is…?"

"Raisin Rum cake."

"Was it?"

He's struggling to breathe and he knows people are running around him yelling and making noises. There's pain as he's being prodded. "I'm- I am twenty-one?"

"Yes. Keep going. Stay lucid."

He's afraid and he's also calm. He's just rolling and rocking against the waves as they slam into him. As they crash and pull. Yuri wants someone to anchor him. Something to hold him and remind him but he can't hear anyone and his vision is blacking out to the point he's struggling to see past his nose. He can make out the wood grain of the ceiling somehow and the thought makes him laugh even as he's choking.

"We need to pump his stomach."

"Jesus, how many did he take!"

"I came back and found the bottle empty."

"Someone hurry and get the fucking pump before he goes catatonic and dies within the next three minutes."

He's trying to speak but it just comes out as mumbles and groans. "No talking. Just follow my finger with your eyes. Can you do that?"

Unsure. He's unsure.

Cracking. He feels like he's cracking.

"Everything is going to be alright."

The black swallows entirely after that. Swallows and leaves nothing.

When Yuri opens his eyes again the waters are finally clear and blue. Lovely with a shine as silt runs gracefully along the bottom of the stream.

"Do you remember what we had you repeat before? Could you recite it again?"

Yes, that's easy! "My name is Yuri Lowell. I'm twenty-one. I didn't have parents. I'm from the Lower Quarter. I love Flynn's cooking. I love the color blue."

"I love Flynn."

Yes. That's right. Yuri's mind ignores the wholes in his memory. Ignores the missing and vital knowledge that's gone or shut away because he remembers- yes, he is Flynn's soulmate!

"You're lucky not to be dead. What were you even thinking!"

"I was bad," Yuri mutters looking at the mark on his wrist. "I was bad. I didn't… I was improper and didn't work right. That's what happened isn't it?" Because that's what happens to soulmates when they do not function as they should. When their love is insufficient.

When they aren't correct.

I should be scared about something. I know it. But I don't know what.

The doctors are over in their corners shuffling while Yuri looks over and takes stock of how he feels and the flaws that must be removed. "This is why it's better if the soulmate just dies. The other ends up like this if they're not taken care of."

"He was minutes away from dying of overdose just yesterday. I'll take this over bringing a corpse."

He's just laying ramrod straight staring at the ceiling as he feels drool pool at the edge of his mouth and the mark does more fixing.

When the process is complete, you'll be a good soulmate. Your function will be met

Function?

Then Flynn will love me. Flynn will be happy with me

Soulmates complete each other. Soulmates satisfy. Flynn Scifo is no longer in system

But what does it mean by system?

Error has occurred. Reprogram and take in additional data as needed

If any part of him in that second was able to comprehend the horror of what was happening it was shattered and turned to something beyond sediment and dust. Something smaller. Something worse.

To the outsiders, it seemed a doll had been left in Yuri Lowell's place and on the inside, it was much the same. Yuri Lowell was not present. Just a thing that spoke and sounded. Just a black noise along those clear waves that set all the thoughts in order.