Thank you for your continued support. I appreciate it.
Standard disclaimer.
Sensitive conversation on miscarriage...my apologies.
"I'm so glad we have some time together," Michelle said, as she and Mercedes strolled through the mall.
"Me, too," Mercedes replied.
Mercedes had invited her to go shopping with her tonight, so they could have some much needed sister time.
She'd been so wrapped up with her mother and Sam, and also with Michelle being off on her honeymoon, she hadn't spent enough time with her.
The only way to do that, was to force the time together.
There was a football game on, so Michelle's husband Mark brought the dogs over, and he and Mr. Jones were spending the evening together watching it.
It was also one of Mrs. Jones favorite sports, so the guys ordered pizza, and in a sense, they were keeping her company, too.
Mrs. Jones had said, she was sad, not to be able to go shopping with the girls, since shopping was another one of her favorite sports.
But she was happy with the present company and of course...the pizza.
"Maybe we should pick up something for Mom while we're out," Michelle said. "Maybe a new pair of pajamas?"
"I like that idea," Mercedes said.
She linked her arm with Michelle's and they headed to one of the stores, bickering with each other, over which pair of pajamas their mother would like best.
They finally settled on a cute purple set, with pink hearts, they both agreed their mother would love.
Michelle bought a pair of cognac-colored boots, and when they passed the lingerie store, Mercedes paused at the window, as something caught her eye.
"Really?" Michelle asked, cocking a brow. "That's uh...wow, Merce."
"I know, ridiculous, right? I shouldn't." She started to walk away, but Michelle grabbed her arm.
"Oh, I think you should, as long as you tell me all about you and Sam."
"How do you know I want that outfit for a guy? And why would you think it was Sam?"
Michelle laughed.
"Honey, no woman buys a getup like that just for herself. That's an outfit a man takes off of you. And as far as it being Sam? Please, I'm not blind."
Leave it to her sister to read signals, like they were a flashing beacon.
"Okay, you're right."
Michelle stood there, arms crossed.
"So? Are we getting the outfit?"
"We are not getting the outfit. I'm pondering the ridiculousness of why I'm even considering it."
"Why is it ridiculous? It's sexy. He'll go crazy seeing you in it."
"We're not even dating."
"Dating is an antiquated word, at least according to Cassidy. Besides, you stopped at the window, and you thought about Sam when you saw the outfit, didn't you?"
Her sister was spot on.
She had thought about Sam...about wearing that outfit for him...surprising him.
But she had surprised herself, too, because, things between the two of them were...
What?
She didn't know what they were.
They had gotten through the uneasiness and had developed a sort of friendship...with benefits.
She knew she wasn't staying in Hope, but she liked having sex with him.
Things could have been complicated, but so far, they weren't.
She knew Sam, better than any man she's ever known.
So why not continue the fun?
"Okay. I'll try it on."
"Great. Let's do that."
Mercedes ended up buying the outfit, and then, it was off to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, where she ordered a magnificent plate of pasta.
"So tell me about you and Sam," Michelle said, as she dug into her fish. "I know you two dated in high school, then, it was just...over, I guess?"
"I don't know, Mich. It's a difficult situation with him."
"What do you mean by difficult?"
Mercedes looked around.
It wasn't crowded tonight, and only a server or two hustled by, now and then.
She hadn't wanted to have this conversation with her sister in public, but she didn't want to have it at her parents' house, either. So she supposed now was as good a time as any, to just tell her.
"I got pregnant."
Michelle laid her fork down on the plate.
"What? When?"
"Senior year."
"Oh my God, Merce. Why didn't you tell me? Do Mom and Dad know?"
She shook her head.
"It all happened so fast. Sam and I were stunned. We were careful, you know. Or at least we thought we were being careful, but I guess, not careful enough. So when it happened, we weren't prepared. We started to make plans for the baby...for the future. Sam was going to delay college. I'd have the baby and we were going to get married. We were figuring things out for our future, you know? Then a week later, I miscarried."
"Oh, honey." Michelle reached across the table and squeezed her sister's hand. "I'm so sorry."
"Me, too. I was devastated. It might have been unplanned, and we were so young, but God, Mich, I wanted that baby so much."
"I can't even imagine how awful that must have been for you."
"It was a bad time. The worst time. To compound things, Sam seemed to retreat from me. He almost seemed...relieved."
"No."
"Yes. He said he knew I was upset about the baby, and he was, too, but since the miscarriage happened, things could go on the way we had originally planned. He'd go to college, I'd go to college, and we'd have the future we had always wanted together."
"Oh." Emma pursed her lips. "That was so insensitive of him."
"Yeah. I didn't handle it well. I accused him of not wanting our baby, of not wanting me. I was so hurt. He was hurt. I don't know. I was an emotional wreck, and we ended things badly."
Michelle studied her for a few seconds.
"That's when you left Hope."
"Yes."
"Merce, why didn't you talk to me? Or Mom."
Mercedes studied her plate.
"I don't know. I was so full of pain and anguish and anger at the time. I bottled it all up inside and just ran like hell. The only thing that made me feel better, was getting away."
She lifted her gaze to her sister's.
"I spent three years madly in love with a boy, who wasn't what I thought he was. And in an instant, everything changed for me. I had to figure out who I was, without Sam. Without my family, and without Hope. I had to become my own person. I might not have done it the right way, but I did it the best way I could."
Michelle took a long swallow of her tea, then set it down.
"I don't think anyone can tell you what's the right way. You had a deep emotional trauma. Something...and someone...hurt you, Merce. I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could share that with me, or with Mom and Dad, but I understand, you dealt with it in a way that made sense to you. I know how that is, how you have to figure out who you are, without anyone else's help. I just wished I could have been there for you."
Michelle understood, and that gave Mercedes more relief, than she'd ever thought possible.
"I've missed you all these years, Merce. I wish you had told me sooner."
Mercedes felt her sister's pain from across the table.
"I've missed you, too. I was just a mess for so long and I had to figure myself out. Plus, I've harbored all this anger and resentment for Sam."
"And now?"
She shrugged.
"We talked it out the night of your wedding. Or I yelled at him and told him how I felt. But, it just seemed like I was rehashing old hurts. I had to let it go. I can't do over the past and make it turn out differently, and he feels like shit over what happened. Neither of us are the same people we were back then."
"Sam's a good guy, Merce."
"Yeah, so I've noticed, since I've been back. I had this image of him in my head all these years...the image was of the boy who hurt me. It's like I froze him in time, in that one moment, making him this awful person. That's not who he is and I had to leave that Sam in the past."
Michelle pushed her plate to the side, and waited while their waitress came by and refilled their glasses.
"And now?" Michelle asked, for the second time. "It seems like you're spending a fair amount of time with him."
"I am. He's still the fun, romantic, sexy guy I used to know, and I'm getting to know the man he's become."
"You like him."
"Yes."
"And you're obviously having sex with him."
Such a weird conversation to have with her big sister, but she had to be honest.
"Well, yes."
Michelle grinned.
"So, you put the past behind you, and you're enjoying the now."
"That's it exactly," Mercedes said, then took a sip of her own iced tea. "I'm living in the moment, having some fun with him."
"Is that all there is? Just the now?"
"I can't have a future with him, Mich. I'm not staying in Hope. Once Mom is back on her feet, I'm out of here again."
Michelle's smile disappeared.
"Why?"
She shrugged.
"Because, I like the travel and the opportunities I can have, when I move around."
"That sounds like a line from a brochure, not how you really feel, Merce. Maybe you should listen to your heart, and give Sam...and Hope...another chance. You might fall in love all over again."
Mercedes pondered what her sister said and immediately came to a conclusion.
That wasn't going to happen.
She had loved Sam once, and he had broken her heart. She would never open her heart to him again.
Fun and sex was one thing.
Love?
Never again.
Stay safe!