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SIXTEEN

The only reason Hermione had gotten out of bed over the weekend was when someone knocked at her door. She had opened it cautiously, thinking it might be Draco, but was stunned at the sight of Ashton instead. He had a take away bag from their brunch spot and a drink carrier with their coffees. She had invited him and excused herself to change out of her bed clothes and freshen herself up. He had even stayed for a good majority of the day, parting ways only when the sun began to sink beyond the horizon once more.

Their parting kiss was on her mind when she entered the Ministry on Monday morning. It continued on an endless loop in her mind as she rode the lift and didn't cease when she sat down behind her desk to start the day.

However, instead of her ever growing stack of paperwork, she simply leaned back in her chair and sat in silence with her thoughts. They had begun to shift to Draco and the disaster that had been Friday night. Once upon a time, he had been what kept the nightmares and the flashbacks at bay. She knew it wasn't his fault that she had been triggered. And she was grateful for the way he had responded the moment he heard her safe word.

But if their arrangement was no longer doing the one thing she entered it for, was it worth keeping? Especially when he was engaged to someone else. There was Ashton to consider as well. She hadn't expected to like him as much. Hadn't expected for him to make her feel like her old self. He wanted to know Hermione; all parts of her. Not just the war heroine and the stories printed in the tabloids.

If Draco wasn't going to put an end to what they had for Astoria, there was no reason she couldn't do the same. Would she miss it? Of course. Would it be better to stop holding back from Ashton because she was still holding onto something she could never fully have? Absolutely. Draco had been exactly what she needed to heal, but maybe it was time to find a different way to cope. Maybe it was time to stop trying to lose control. To take a chance at something real and put everything from the war behind her.

Having nearly made up her mind, but too afraid to admit her decision to herself, she pushed the thoughts to the side. She told herself she would give him one last weekend. Afterwards on Saturday, she would talk to him; tell him everything, and when it was all out on the table, she would make her decision.

Until then, she threw herself into her work and tried her best to ignore the dread in the pit of her stomach.

It was only two days later that Hermione experienced another flashback. This time, she had been in Harry's office going over a discrepancy in one of the reports that was tied to the case. They were about to leave to bring it to Robbard's attention when Draco and Zabini walked in.

She had flinched so hard at the sight of them together that she bounced off the wall behind her, sending one of Harry's photo's crashing to the floor. She was able to make it look like she tripped over her own foot in the process of stepping out from behind the desk, but one look at Draco's face told her she wasn't as convincing as she thought.

"You alright, Granger?" Zabini asked.

She swallowed hard and smiled nervously. "What brings you by, Blaise?" she asked, averting her gaze from Draco.

She fought with her mind's eye to banish the image of Goyle at Draco's other side. It's not real, she told herself. The war is over. It's not real. Her breathing was more shallow than before and she was having trouble catching her breath. If she didn't get out of there soon, she was going to have a full blown panic attack. Her mind refused to believe she was in Harry's office at the Ministry instead of the Room of Requirement trying to find the Diadem.

"Hermione?"

Her attention snapped to Harry and she flushed as she realized they had been talking and she hadn't heard a word. She rolled her shoulders as reality slammed back into her. She gripped the edge of his desk and took a deep breath. "Sorry, I don't feel well."

"I'll take this to Robbards," Harry said, his hand coming to rest atop hers. "Why don't you go home and get some rest."

Normally she would never agree to leave in the middle of the day, especially with this high profile of a case. But right now, all she wanted to do was crawl into her own bed and scream into her pillow until the images went away. "I think that's exactly what I'll do, thanks Harry," she said as she pushed herself away from the desk.

"Nice to see you, Blaise. Draco," she said, nodding at them as she passed.

"Actually, Potter, do you have a minute? It's about the case," Zabini said.

"Yeah, sure. I'll stop by after work and check on you, Mione," Harry said, that familiar tone of worry in his voice.

"Sure. See you," she said as she passed, not even bothering to decline his offer. She knew from his tone it wasn't up for debate anyway. She ducked into her office to grab her things, not bothering to close her door. She didn't have to look up to know who it was that closed it a few moments later. "Malfoy, I don't-"

"What was it this time?" he asked.

She looked up at him briefly before closing her eyes. "The Room of Requirement," she replied. "Though you may know it as the Room of Hidden Things."

"Is this because of Friday?"

Her jaw ticked. "Yes and no."

"Hermione, I'm so sorry. I should have known that tying you down-"

"Stop," she whispered, her voice cracking. "There's no way you could have known what it would do. I had my suspicions, but it wasn't as if I were going to bring it up."

"You should have. You should have told me why-"

"You were there!" she hissed, her fingers raising to cover her lips for a moment. "You watched…" She shook her head and drew in a breath. "It doesn't matter, Malfoy. I don't blame you; I'm not mad. I'm just… It's…" She sighed as her mind started to frazzle. "Once the flashbacks start, it's hard to get them to go away."

"What helps? Whatever it is, I'll-"

"Elysium was what helped."

Silence washed over them as they stared at one another, unsure of what to say. Slowly, he advanced on her until he was near enough to place two fingers under her chin and tilt her face up higher. "You should have stayed," he said softly. "One of the worst things you can do in that situation is leave without the proper aftercare. I could have helped you through it. The trauma alone is hard enough, but when you combine it with what we do…" He shook his head and trailed his fingers along her jaw. "It can be even more dangerous to the psyche."

Hermione knew that. It had popped up early on in her research. But just as she had equally wanted comfort and to push everyone away, she was conflicted between letting him be her safety net while coming to terms with the fact that soon he would be someone else's as well.

It took every ounce of willpower to pull herself away from his touch. His hand remained in the air, surprised at her withdrawal, and then slowly drifted back to his side. "I'm going home now."

She could tell he wanted to protest. It was in the way his eyes darkened and how his lips pressed into a thin line. "Please call for Nixie if you need anything."

She gave a curt nod and then stepped around him, leaving him standing in her office as she made her way towards the lifts to go home in the middle of the day.

Harry always knew how to cheer her up. He never once asked her to talk about it; just as she never commented on how many times he refilled his glass. He always knew exactly what she needed and when she needed it. And every time he gave it to her without having to ask. Even when it was late into the night and they just sat on her couch in the dark curled up against one another. Even when she had fallen asleep with her head on his shoulder, he was there for her.

The first waking breath she took the following morning felt as though it were the first real breath in a long time. As the day wore on, she felt good as new and thanked Harry again several times throughout the work day. She even sent an owl to Ginny for letting Harry stay the night with her. She knew it wouldn't be a problem. Harry was every bit her brother as Ron was Ginny's.

The thought of her two best friends had her seeking them both out and solidifying plans for her to accompany them to the Leaky on Friday after work. She penned Draco a missive, letting him know of her plans and informing him that she would be late on Friday, but she wasn't canceling entirely.

Her plans, however, were derailed as she gathered her things to go home for the weekend on Friday. She stopped short, her jaw dropping with surprise at the sight of Ashton stepping across the threshold. "What…what are you doing here?" she asked, smiling as he placed a kiss to her cheek in greeting.

"I was here for a meeting with Kingsley about the television program. I thought I would surprise you and take you to dinner." His smile faded a bit when she stiffened. "Or-"

"No!" she hurried, shaking her head and smiling at him. "No, sorry, I think it's a great idea. I just… Surprises are tough."

He chuckled softly. "You didn't have any plans, did you?"

She cleared her throat. "None that I can't cancel," she assured him. "Will you meet me in the lobby? There's just a few things I have to finish up here on my way out."

"Sure," he said, kissing her again, only catching her lips this time.

She watched him turn left and then stepped out of her office to the right. She found Harry and Ron in Ron's office and sighed with relief. "Hey, I know I said I would be there tonight, but something came up."

Both men gave her sad, knowing smiles followed by small nods. "That's okay, Mione. Raincheck?" Ron asked.

"Of course," she said and then motioned for them to follow her on their way out.

She cursed her luck as she saw Draco also waiting for the lift as they approached. "Have fun at the Leaky," he said, giving her a tight smile as the doors opened and the four of them boarded.

"She cancelled on us again," Ron said with a deep sigh, shrugging when she shot him a look. "What? You did."

Panic began to radiate up her spine as Draco narrowed his eyes at her. She swallowed hard as the lift came to a stop at the lobby and everyone began to file out. His fingers brushed her wrist with the intention of holding her back to talk, but he withdrew his touch when a hand settled against the small of her back.

"All set?" Ashton asked.

She nodded and moved towards the exit. Once they were further away, she chanced a glance over her shoulder and saw Draco staring after them with shock and hurt etched on his face. It stung, but only for a moment before she forced all thoughts of him to the back of her mind.

The time she was supposed to have been at the flat with Draco had come and gone. She chose instead to let her date with Ashton stretch on. It had gone so well that when he brought her home several hours later, she invited him in for one last drink. That drink, though poured, remained untouched on her kitchen counter as they got too caught up in a kiss worthy of high school television dramas. But as things started to heat up, Hermione pulled away. She was grateful that Ashton seemed to understand and didn't push her for more. He simply acted like a true gentleman, kissed her goodnight, and took his leave.

It was when she was lying in bed that night, feeling guilty about Draco because of Ashton and then feeling guilty about Ashton because of Draco, that she finally admitted her decision. The one she had formed on Monday, but hadn't let herself come to terms with. Whatever her reasoning behind her choice, the reality was simple. Whatever her and Draco had had finally run its course. And it was time to end it now before it got any worse.