Mo Xuanyu was bred for slaughter. His father did not love him. His mother wished to use him till he proved useless. His brothers were all vipers out only to bite the other into submission or death.
The children in Lanling were divided by who could be used and who was chattel. The ones that could be used left the dark room and hopefully never returned. Hopefully. The rest were swallowed by the locked door and silk sheets.
The room was luxurious despite what was bound to happen in there and they were well fed and dressed but they weren't allowed to leave. There was nowhere to hide among the pillows lining the floor and the bowls they were fed from like pets.
He remembers one of his brothers whispering about how sister Mei had left, "They called her veal and look what we're eating."
Mo Xuanyu ignored it and did as he was told. It's how you survive. When he first came here when he was four the room had been bursting but as the years passed everyone slowly trickled away till almost everyone from that first year was gone but him. He's the oldest failure.
He's nine and the only other child left beside him is a little sister barely older than two, and a brother in his early teens who was taken in late and thrown in bloodied and bruised. He said it's because he didn't want to leave his family. "What becomes of us when we go?"
That is something he can't say. Mo Xuanyu didn't ask because it wasn't his place to ask. He's just livestock that has failed to cultivate. "Don't know." His voice is scratch and hard from disuse. He's not supposed to talk outside of any lessons or when he's asked.
"Isn't there anything to do in here besides sit around?" Mo Xuanyu nods and dives in between the nest of blankets and pillows he calls his own. It's a ball and one of the few things that's his.
"Papa gave this to me for being good. We play?"
"Sure."
Today is special because Papa is here to visit. If he's good, then Mo Xuanyu can get treats and new things. He'd like a new doll. A new doll would make him happy or maybe he should ask for something practical.
He gets a warm smile and he makes sure to stay on the ground because he's supposed to. Papa is in charge and he nudges his older brother to do the same. Listen or Papa will get angry and you don't eat or get to have clothes.
There was one girl who was always covered in bruises from fighting and she wasn't allowed to wear robes or sleep with everyone. At night they dragged her away to a small cage to reflect. She was a bad daughter.
But even if Mo Xuanyu is a failure he's a good son. He always does as he's told. Always! "Little Xuanyu you're getting so big. I thought you'd be further along by now but your teacher says you're struggling with the basics."
He doesn't know he's being stuffed with Qi daily when the lady comes in to massage their muscles and do physicals every day. He doesn't realize that his lack of quick growth would normally be fine for a child his age. All he knows is that he's supposed to be ready to leave by now but for whatever reason, he's bad at this.
Not receptive enough.
"Try harder. You should have been able to leave years ago."
It's true. Usually, it only takes a year or two before they're ready. "I'm sorry. I'll try harder."
"That's simply not good enough," Papa wisps petting his hair. "I want you to leave soon."
The older brother hasn't kneeled to Papa. He's sneering and turning his nose at him, "Let me out of here. You're not my father or my family. Send me home already."
Papa clicks his tongue, "The older ones are always harder to train. You have a name?"
"Yes and it's-"
Papa kicked him to the ground, "I don't care. If you're here long enough for me to learn your name it means you're a failure." The heel of his shoe grounds into brother's head, "It means your bad stock that needs to hurry up or die."
Brother is crying, "Stop. Lunatic! You're hurting me. Please." Those big brown eyes stare at Mo Xuanyu pleading for help and he wonders why. Papa said he was bad and bad things are punished.
"If you want out simply hurry up and grow a core like a good peacock," with a snap of his fingers two men come inside, "Strip this one. Teach it humility."
It's sad when Papa leaves so quickly but he's given a larger serving than usual but for some reason, brother is crying in the corner bleeding from a split lip and eye swollen shut. Papa had been kind and given him a collar and he has a good number. It's really hard to be number three when there's usually so many of them. "How can you live like this?"
"This is a good life." He's warm and well-fed. If he does as he's told he gets a treat and he doesn't mind that he's called a failure if it's true.
"This is abuse!" His bowl is spilled; hurriedly Mo Xuanyu leans down to lap it up only for his brother to hold him up by his hair. Let go. You don't waste good food! Papa gave that to him, "Look at yourself. He treats you like an animal."
The stare between them is deep and sad because he realizes brother really didn't know. It's not hard to figure out but all the same, "That's because we're going to become animals! That's our reward for doing well."
The next thing he knows brother is hitting him and screaming. "Never! I won't be like you! I will never be like you."
It hurts. It hurts and he's crying begging for him to stop. Don't hurt him. Not when he's been good. Not when he's followed the rules. Not when papa finally calls him his name. The guards come and pull him away coddling him and asking if he's alright.
He hears them hitting brother which is good because he did wrong and he's supposed to get punished. "Poor little Xuanyu. Let's get you more food and how about a bath?"
"Bath!" It's been a long time since he's had one of those.
The next time he sees brother he's tossed in with a shaved head and lays still on the pillows staring out emptily. When he calls out to him all he gets is a moan. Brother never stands up again always on his knees shuffling clumsily and he never speaks.
He was very bad then. Very bad.
When Papa comes to see them again he whimpers below him bowing. He gets a smile, "What a good child. Eager to please." He holds his head up to his and brushes his eyes. "No need for tears. This is simply what you got for disobedience."
Brother calls with an empty mouth. Oh, he really was bad enough to get his tongue cut and Papa chuckles. "Maybe a bell for your collar as a reward? You still haven't been good enough to get clothes."
Tears and snot pour down that face as he pulls away to bury his face in his hands. "Little Xuanyu have you been good?"
He nods and hugs him happily. It's the last time he sees Papa. Sister is taken away and then brother until it's him alone in the room as years pass by. He must have done something wrong for Papa not to come back for him. To leave him all alone in this room but he's always getting new toys to play with so he must still care.
Someone new enters. It's a man not too much older than him and he has features similar to Papa. A brother? "Papa? Where?"
The man looks at the guard, "What's his name?"
"Mo Xuanyu. He's the only one who never developed."
"I see," The man kneels in front of him and holds out a hand. "A-Yu would you like to leave this room?"
He shakes his head. No! Papa would be mad he still has no golden core.
"But wouldn't you like to go outside?"
No. Not unless he's told he can. "A-Yu, father won't be mad. I promise." His hand shakes as he takes this stranger's touch. He's very handsome. "Come with me."
Meng Yao. His name is Meng Yao courtesy Jin Guangyao and his voice is enrapturing as he guides him into the light telling him how he never needed to go back to that room. He's free.
I am his
This man is his savior. His emperor. His god. If he asked him to jump he'd say how high and far for that praise. He learns at last how to write his name and read under his instructions. "Good job A-Yu. How smart you are."
Nobody has ever called him smart before.
"You're far from ugly," Jin Guangyao says as he's given a proper uniform to adorn himself in.
Nobody has ever said he was beautiful.
"Of course, we're friends," Jin Guangyao says as Mo Xuanyu worries about how out of place he is next to his sun.
Nobody has ever said they love him.
He loves Jin Guangyao! Loves him and adores him. Each word from the mouth clings in his chest and pulls him along into a web. But then he spies little Jin Ling and Jin Rusong hanging off him calling him father. That Qin Su being lovingly adorned in affection.
Mine. He's mine.
Jin Guangyao should look at him. Should give his love to him!
"Why is he so slow and stupid? He's already an adult but he can't even cultivate a core," Jin Ling scoffed, "And you let him sit with us."
"A-Yu has had a very hard life. He's recovering and needs time," Jin Guangyao was so kind. So generous to let him eat with them and sit anywhere near them. Yes, admonish that brat! Tell him the truth.
"He eats like a dog," Jin Ling spat.
I deserve you
Is wrong that he's glad when the son dies so tragically? That he laughs and thinks good riddance. More for him.
Of course, Mo Xuanyu was raised for slaughter. Nothing had changed he simply had a new handler that chose to take care of him in a different fashion. If vinegar does not work then douse him in honey and let it season him. Even let from its pen a simple-minded sheep will always stay a sheep no matter how much it dresses like a man. Teach it how to read and talk; to eat with chopsticks and walk upright; make the sheep understand the world it lives in and where it stands.
It is still just a sheep and at the end of the day it will only bleat and lick at rocks even when the salt has long since there because it doesn't have the mind to notice.
Yes. In Jin Guangyao's eyes, this was a dumb sheep and he would use him as such. But to think he would be so foolish as to pursue him as a lover. To be such a disgusting thing that fawned over him so much that he would try to kiss and molest him thinking he had the right. The touch of a man's lips on his own was revolting not to mention the blood shared between them.
Disgusting! To touch him such and think he deserved it. His hand struck across his face and that pathetic sheep curled on the floor begging for mercy, "You are worthless. Truly worthless."
"I'm sorry."
He punched that nose satisfied when it cracked. Filthy! "I should have just left you in that room."
"I'm sorry."
He kicked, "Your cultivation skills are abysmal."
His gold robe was torn, "You're not smart enough to throw into politics."
Split lip and swollen eye. Lifted by those arms like a ragdoll as hate stares him down making Mo Xuanyu crawl in shame, "And nobody loves you enough to be a martyr."
"Overall, you're a waste of my valuable time," He was dropped and shattered as Jin Guangyao walked away shaking his head, "I will arrange for you to go home. I have no use for liabilities."
But home was a dark room hidden away from everyone. Home was standing at that man's side even if it was as a worthless dog doing his bidding. He grabbed the edge of the robes, "Please. Anything. For you anything."
"Hang yourself off the tower."
He was thrown in a carriage and returned to Mo village three days later. His eyes red and swollen from both beatings and tears. They throw him back in a new room but this time instead of having a regular meal he's starved and is used to the taste of dirt and straw in his mouth. He's used to being hit no matter how much he bows.
Caked in so much makeup to hide the bruising and for atonement for being too cowardly to jump that night. He's disgusting like Jin Guangyao says.
A dirty cut-sleeve.
A leach.
A lunatic.
A madman.
All of it. He earned all of it? That has to be it. It has to be! "No. It's not. It's not your fault they're cruel."
That kind hand. A ray of light in pitch that extends out to him offering his salvation. "They hurt you so. It's not fair is it?"
No. It's not fair that he was forced to suffer as such by the hands of souls whose empathy had rotted out from within. "They treated you like a toy and here they treat you even less."
"Dead! I want them all dead. I want them to suffer every second of the rest of their lives."
"Would you like to learn how? How you can bring all of them down with a single spell? How you can make Jin Guangyao- your family- the world- regret everything?"
Mo Xuanyu lips his licks and smiles.
Every drop.
I will spend every drop to bring them down.
Wei Wuxian you will be my vengeance