Reflections

So, fun story, this chapter was originally going to come later but I decided that it fit better here for the story line. I was frustrated with the length of the chapter I originally had at this point but by rearranging some things, I was able to make this fit well and still flow nicely.

Shoto stared up at his ceiling. He wasn't sure how long he'd been awake, but almost immediately after opening his eyes, he'd found himself thinking about last night… Well, not just last night.

It would be more accurate to say he was thinking about Midoriya and Bakugou, and their supposed friendship. He'd always been confused by it, but figured maybe, since he wasn't very experienced with relationships of any type, with the exception of his sister Fuyumi, he just couldn't grasp theirs.

But last night, Shoto watched how Midoriya always maintained at least a step behind Bakugou and how he'd flinched when the other had raised his voice.

Todoroki immediately found both all too familiar. Honestly, he was angry that he didn't see it before.

He'd lived with something similar all his life. It wasn't so bad on most days, where he just had to keep up his training while Natsuo and Fuyumi stayed out of the Old Man's way. On bad days, though, it meant an intense training for him and an expectation that the house would be in perfect order for the others.

It was also a time when he could expect to need Fuyumi's help to treat his injuries. That is, if he wasn't pushed to the point of dangerous dehydration beforehand, as it was the biggest weakness of his Quirk when he used both sides.

Always, at the end of these training sessions, his father would berate him for being weak, but would then follow up with several noticeably easier sessions in the next few days. Sometimes they even focused on things other than his Quirk—like situational awareness, on site first aid, or methods for disabling opponents when he couldn't rely on his Quirk to do so.

Shoto came to realize that these sessions were the closest that the man would ever come to an apology. Still, it didn't stop the terrible training sessions from happening. It left Shoto distrustful of Endeavor's unpredictable moods at home. For a time, Shoto's wariness had even outweighed his anger at his old man. Despite being furious at the man for what he'd done to his mother, Shoto still fought to live up to his standards at first, hoping it would keep the other calm. Maybe a little more than just calm, he admitted begrudgingly. For a time, he assumed he wasn't learning fast enough. He'd tried so hard to keep up with his father's demands.

Suffice to say, Shoto finally realized it was his father's fault, not his. He came to understand that the man would never see him as anything but as means to surpass All Might. Almost overnight, he went from wanting to please the man to wanting to spite the hero. Starting by switching to only using what he saw as his mother's Quirk.

Midoriya feared Bakugou.

The smell of something smoldering broke his train of thought. He sat up to find there were a couple of flat, shiny, discolored spots on the left-hand side and a thin film of frost where his right hand had been resting.

Shoto bit his lip as he clenched and unclenched his fists. Finally, he calmed enough that the temperatures of his sides settled back down to their norm.

There was one silver lining, though.

It looked like Bakugou hadn't found Midoriya's breaking point, yet.

Most people had one, he was sure. He'd blocked his Quirk, Natsuo had left, and his mother… Shoto brought his hand to his left eye, fingering where the texture changed, marking the border between normal skin and scar tissue.

Midoriya didn't seem to have that hatred he'd come to recognize from his family and himself when they reached that point.

Maybe Midoriya was more like Fuyumi, in that regard. At this point, she had dealt with their father longer than their mother had before she… reached her limit… and his sister was still going strong.

Except…

He remembered Midoriya's face as he flew past him on a piece of shrapnel to claim victory in the first round of the UA tournament after his challenge in the locker room. He remembered Midoriya standing across from him in the arena, fingers busted and a big challenging smile on his face after his discussion and confrontation beneath the stands.

…No. No, he wasn't like Fuyumi.

Izuku had snapped under the pressure in a different way. One Shoto probably didn't recognize because he'd never seen it before. He wasn't even sure how. But he could easily picture the furious determination in the other boy's eyes.

How could someone even be that angry without being hateful?

Midoriya had very likely been pushed to that point and reacted differently than anyone in the Todoroki family.

Bakugou had something to do with why Midoriya was like that. Shoto was certain.

He clenched his fists at the thought of how the explosive blonde was still pushing. He was doing it in plain view of everyone and no one was doing a thing about it.

No one even acknowledged it.

How had it taken Shoto so long to recognize it for what it was?

Shoto threw his legs over the side of his bed, stood up and started getting ready for the day. Well, Midoriya had been there to help him when he didn't even know he needed it. Maybe, he could do the same for his friend.

He didn't know how, though. He didn't even understand what was messed up with him.

Now that he thought about it… How much did he really know about Midoriya?

The bright-eyed boy was always getting into everyone else's business, seeing what was wrong so he could try to make it better. He got the distinct impression that if he had never told the greenette about his family problems, the boy would've gone digging to find out and invite himself to help, eventually. Like he did with Kota.

But what about Midoriya himself?

Had he really been looking at everyone's personal issues, without letting anyone see his?

Shoto frowned, trying to think of anything he knew. Anything at all.

And drew a blank.

His frown deepened.

He understood the pattern of hiding the past. Midoriya had been the first person he'd ever opened up to about his own, after all. For all his anger and tunnel vision during the tournament, he'd still trusted Midoriya, a competitor that he'd publicly challenged, enough to talk about his childhood. Somehow, he had known he could trust the other boy with that.

Maybe, despite Midoriya's friendliness, some part of Shoto somehow recognized someone else who was hiding anger, masking it with smiles and misdirection rather than choosing to bury all his emotions and keeping his distance.

Shoto thought about Midoriya's med kits that he'd been thankful for since he had increased his training in combat as well as his Quirk. His performance during the Sports Festival had highlighted just how reliant he was on his Quirk even when he had only been using half of it.

Midoriya was more experienced with self-application of medical supplies than he was. That much was obvious. And that should had been a warning sign in and of itself. Now that he thought about it, despite the greenette's own offers of assistance, he hadn't asked once.

In fact, the only times he'd seen Midoriya ask for help was during villain attacks and that usually involved helping someone else who was in danger.

When he finally walked downstairs, Midoriya and Bakugou were already vacuuming the floors. He noticed that the green haired boy was behind the blonde, always keeping a subtle eye on him.

Perhaps, under different circumstances, Shoto would've been concerned with how Bakugou would be able to attend license training. But, after his revelations, he wasn't sure he could find it in himself to care. His level of apathy wasn't quite what he reserved for his father. At least, not yet.

But, finally noticing Midoriya's behavior toward the blond—even now, the green haired boy kept his shoulders slumped and head low—Shoto couldn't help feeling more detached.

And that Midoriya had been hiding this and more, all of this time, left him feeling… Well, he didn't really know how he felt.

So, rather than talk to either of them, he got ready and left, giving Midoriya a simple nod of acknowledgement and Bakugou a cold glance. He vowed that if he saw any unexplained marks on Midoriya in the next few days, whatever the two did last night would look like a crack in the sidewalk by comparison to what he'd do with Bakugou.

For a short while after everyone filed out to head for class, there was silence. Well, except for the sounds of vacuums across the common area carpets.

Izuku thought about Kacchan, who now knew his secret. Who would have to bear the weight of it.

Kacchan interrupted his spiraling thoughts. "You know, about your shoot style."

Carful to keep his voice steady, keeping his back to Kacchan, Izuku asked, "What about it?"

After a moment of silence, the other teen said, "Your wind-up motions are too big. Even with your speed up, I was barely able to react in time. It's not well suited for a slug fest."

"Is that so?" Izuku asked.

Bakugo gave a single nod. "And it looked like you were getting ready to throw a punch toward the end. Were you?"

"...Yeah."

"It wouldn't have fit in with it either. There's a good chance it would've cost you the fight. I would've been pissed to win because of something as lousy as a random bad plan from you."

"...Thanks, I guess." Izuku frowned, trying to think of some advice he could give for what he'd seen while they were fighting without Quirks. He decided to settle on something he'd been thinking about after last night. "You should consider learning how to fight without explosions. This year, we've gotten a teacher who can suppress Quirks and seen a villain who can take them. Who knows how many other Quirks are out there that can leave us functionally Quirkless? I think if either of us are going to make it to be the number one hero, we'll have to learn to fight with or without our Quirks."

Izuku heard Kacchan growl in frustration, causing him to brace for some scathing remark. Instead, the other boy replied, "You're probably right. I did a crap job fighting you after Aizawa used his Quirk. Couldn't do a damn thing." He snorted as he added, "Kind of served me right."

Izuku opened his mouth to try to comfort the other boy, but snapped his jaws shut, knowing it would only get him angry.

Kacchan filled his silence by adding, "You shouldn't have stopped. Don't do it again. It was bad enough to get a hollow win against Half n' Half when he did that in the tournament. You can't be pulling that kind of shit, too."

"What if you're at a disadvantage? What if I'm winning, because I'm using a weakness?"

Kacchan stopped and looked directly at him. "I have never held back because I found a weakness. I pressed harder at it. You know that better than anyone."

Izuku tensed at the statement. He most certainly did know. Kacchan had made that point for years without ever having to say it aloud.

"I want my opponents to give me the same. If you see a way to annihilate me in a fight, fucking take it. For me and for anyone else you're fighting. You hear me?"

Izuku looked down at the ground. "I-I hear you. I'll k-keep f-f-fighting next time." That was the most he could promise.

Kacchan paused for a moment. Izuku felt a moment of terror, worried that the other boy had noticed the loophole he'd left himself. But then, he went back to vacuuming and that was that. He hadn't picked up on it. At least for now.

Izuku thought to himself as his mind flashed back to notes in his analysis journals. The difference for if Kacchan deciding to destroy someone and if he ever did so…Kacchan would just thought of how to beat them, Izuku's ideas would be…

Izuku clenched his teeth, as images related to weaknesses come to mind… Explosive sweat that could seep through cuts made into palms and exploding within upon ignition and ruined, sensitive wing joints that could easily be yanked and permanently damaged, frail extended finger bones that could easily be snapped like twigs… A possible finger mangling or removal with a quick burst of One For All, with the price of Izuku scratching grooves along his own neck.

There had even been part of him that was worried the Sludge Villain's eye would be permanently ruined when the threw his backpack at it… He'd half expected the malice filled orb to burst, but it was worth the risk in order to save Kacchan.

Honestly, they were the first kinds of thoughts he had when threatened by someone before trying to work his way down to more reasonable strategies. Izuku was terrified by the idea of what would happen if he ever acted without a plan.

He had nightmares about it. Detailed nightmares that could only be soothed if he wrote them out of his head and into his notebooks.

Maybe he could convince Mr. Aizawa not to read anything unless he showed him. He'd never thought about people reading his books before last night. Now, the more he considered what he had in them, the more he cringed at the idea of anyone else seeing them.

While I don't want to overplay how horrible a person Endeavor is, I also don't want to underplay him, either. This is a man who isolated his five-year-old son and hurt him bad enough that he threw up. He also slapped his wife when she tried to protect Shoto and drove her crazy (although she was the one who threw the boiling water on Shoto's face, meaning he wasn't the only awful parent here). He viewed Shoto as his creation. So, while the man may not be one of the greatest monsters in the show, I also refuse to hold my punches. He was an abusive husband and father and the series doesn't try to hide it. He may be trying to become a better person but that does not undo his past.

Also, to anyone reading this down the road, if extra details are revealed about the Todoroki family that conflict with how I write this here, keep in mind that it's the middle of the Heroes vs Paranormal Liberation front War Arc in the Manga. One of the most likely places this could happen is when we find out the story of what happened to Da…erm, excuse me…Touya Todoroki, who I totally think almost definitely passed away tragically and will totally not turn out to be a familiar, scarred, Stain follower who joined the League of Villains.

On a different topic, I've got a head canon that Izuku has the mental capacity to have vicious ideas in relations to people's weaknesses but it's his morals and his drive to protect people that keep him from acting on them in a dangerous way. That side of him is there but heavily controlled. One of his vents for such thoughts is his notebook. I picture the tendency as part of an old emotional fight within himself that occurred as he thought about whether he should retaliate against his bullies and how he should go about doing that. Although I picture it ultimately ending with Izuku choosing to feed his anger into his determination, at one point, hatred and vengeance might have come close to winning the day. Luckily, he had his mom to cry with and vent his emotions to, as well.

So now, instead, he pushes himself to the breaking point, determined to reach his goal and pushing further when someone needs help or when people challenge him. Honestly, it's a weakness of Izuku's that he won't back out of a challenge, using actions far more often than words to do so. Some examples: His whole childhood; his confrontation with Bakugou on the second day; part of the reason behind his confrontations during the tournament arc; his reason for accepting Nighteye's Work Study. Despite all his internalized questioning his worth, whenever someone else questions it directly, he smiles one of the world's scariest smiles and then makes his move.