Chapter XV

„Let there be a Light in the hand you reach out"

The carmine sun was already setting. I sat on the mansion's roof, one knee drawn to my chest and observed its reflexes that slowly disappeared from the lake's surface and the birds bustling about among the branches, preparing to rest. Every now and then one of them would still give a silvery chirp, as if sending a thanks for a beautiful day to the darkening sky. My heart felt so light... One of the reasons was the successful first attempt at flying - the most thrilling activity I could imagine, but there was also Eugeo...

Right after the first flight he declared, that he felt pretty worn out and retreated to his room. I couldn't blame him, the whole tension and the relief afterwards combined with all the excitement were starting to get to me as well. But regardless of all the tiredness I couldn't forget this smile... it hid again shortly after our first flight, like a bird that settles into the grass and folds its wings, when the danger has passed, but my soul was still soaring thanks to it, even now.

I felt like it was very close now. The moment where Eugeo would shake himself free after that tragedy. I finally felt certain about helping him to destroy the pain. I smiled involuntarily.

But among all that happiness I felt a tiny stirring inside my chest. And I couldn't even specify what this weird feeling was. I sighed silently and glanced over my shoulder, to the east, where the sky was already taking on a deep shade of navy-blue. A blurry thought of Alice crossed my mind. I wondered how she was doing after these few days of my absence... were my parents worrying much? And Lisbeth, was she...

My wings twitched suddenly, brushed by the shy feeling in my heart, that suddenly became clearer. I could find all that out easily now. I could fly there, visit my village, and it would take merely a third of the time of a normal journey, if not less...

I got up and stared at the lush expanse of forest, stretching all the way up to the dark horizon. I was ready to do it right this moment and if someone tried to stop me, I probably would have thrown him right into the lake. I crossed the roof's surface to reach its opposite edge, spread my wings...

... and then, as if to spite me, I heard someone's voice. Someone's... singing?

I stopped and blinked a few times. The voice was familiar, the silent melody carried on the delicate, evening breeze... I turned back, carefully crouched down at the edge of the roof I was previously sitting on and looked down.

On the little balcony of her room, leaned against the balustrade, stood Asuna, her eyes closed, her beautiful face turned to the remnants of the sun in the west. She was singing softly, the unintelligible words composed some mysterious and tranquil melody. Outwardly, it was not much different from any other song, but the graceful sounds were delicate and warm like the touch of a whisper...

I was ready to back away, not wanting to disturb whatever she was doing, when suddenly, among the strange, unfamiliar words I heard my own name... I looked down again, confused. And she just continued, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

Suddenly though, the song broke, abruptly bringing me back to reality. "Eavesdropping is not very healthy, you know that?" Asuna craned her slender neck.

I felt my cheeks heating up. "I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you..."

"It's alright. Could you maybe lower yourself down to my level? My nape is starting to hurt."

I hesitated shortly, but leaped from the roof at last and with a few careful beats of wings settled down onto the balcony. "I'm really sorry..." I mumbled again, hopping down from the balustrade.

"I told you, it's alright," she smiled gently.

"But... what was that anyway?"

"If you mean the singing, that was a prayer."

I blinked. "What do I have to do with your prayers?" I didn't manage to stop these words from slipping past my lips.

There was a hint of amusement in her eyes, as she looked into mine interrogatively. "You must have practiced this eavesdropping thing quite a lot." When a sheepish smile found its way to my face, she continued: "Well, since you kind of have the right to know, I'll tell you. I was praying for you both."

"Us both?"

"You and Eugeo."

"Why?"

"Because it would be wonderful if you managed to solve this problem." She glanced at my surprised expression and smiled apologetically. "I know, none of you really told me... but sometimes noone is able to hide any secrets in the Silivren Forest. What the trees, wind or birds hear, will eventually reach the ears of druids..."

"Oh, I see... no, actually I don't get it at all, but that doesn't matter. But since you know anyway, maybe you have some idea that could help in the matter?"

"You've been doing quite fine until now."

"Maybe, but what if that's not enough?" I suddenly felt my stifled doubts surface again. "What if it's all in vain, what if it's impossible to help him by now...?"

This time she gave me a look that was far too serious for such a beautiful face. "Kirito, if but one person is still fighting for something, then it's never a lost cause. I know that it sometimes looks like Eugeo wants to hold on to his isolation like a drunk to a fence, but someone has to make him realize, that he's just harming himself. I understand how he feels, because friendship is a seed, that sprouts rarely, but if it does, you can rip it out only with the heart together... it's a miracle that he can still go on after that... but he also has to understand, that friendship is exactly what he needs to heal these wounds. And he needs to understand, that the fear sparked by your resemblance to Sitriel is completely baseless. There is a fundamental difference between you two."

I gave her a confused look. "What difference? And how in the world can you know that?"

"Tell me, would you be able to die for Eugeo, like Sitriel did?"

For a moment I got lost in thought and in those piercing eyes. And the answer that I found after a long reflection surprised even me. "No... I would do everything in my power to not let that happen, because then he would suffer even more..."

A warm glimmer surfaced from those hazel depths. "See?"

I smiled and turned my gaze towards the lake. "I want him to laugh and live freely like you or me..." I admitted quietly. "I want to lead him out of this darkness that he created around himself, and got lost in it like an idiot..."

She giggled silently. "If that's so, then you just need to keep one thing in mind."

"What is that?"

"It's true, that our journey through this world cannot always be beautiful. Without the little 'hiccups' in life we wouldn't be able to appreciate all the good that befalls us. It's the same with light. If it's alone, it makes no sense. It has to coexist with darkness, otherwise noone would be able to tell, that it's there, right? But whatever way you look at it, the darkness is never able to conquer light," she lifted her palm and opened it slightly. And again, there was this little, bright flame, that started to dance along her fingers. "Darkness is just the absence of light. A place where no flame is burning. And as long as the flame stays strong, the darkness stands no chance. The only way darkness can win, is when the light loses hope," she looked me in the eyes. "In this case... you are the light Kirito. And if you really wish to help him, you cannot lose that hope. You have to be sure that you desire it more than you're afraid of it."

I closed my eyes with a smile, allowing the gift of those words to sink in. "Thank you..."

A comfortable silence fell over us for a few minutes, while we admired the last crimson glow of the sky. I interrupted this pleasant moment rather reluctantly. "May I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"How do you do it? I mean the fire."

"You can do it too."

"I know I should be able to, but I still don't know how..."

"Well, let me tell you something first then. The fire of the Disciples can only burn, if it has a reason to. If the one using it knows, that there is someone who it can burn for. That's why we received this magic in the first place - to protect. And that is why I think, that you of all people shouldn't have a problem with summoning it. You just need to find a source for it inside of you, along with this sprinkle of magic, that is hidden somewhere inside your being. And the best place to search is here," she reached out and placed her delicate hand on my chest, near the heart. "Try it, it's really not that complicated."

I looked at her slender fingers for a moment, thinking it over, then nodded slightly and closed my eyes. When she retreated her hand, I opened one of mine before me, just like she did earlier, and started searching for this "source". I didn't need to look far. As soon as the image of Alice, my parents and my little sister appeared in my mind, I immediately felt the familiar warmth inside my chest, but somehow clearer and more intense than usually. Without much thinking I did the only thing I found logical at this point. I embraced it with my thoughts and tried to materialize it somehow... make it real...

And suddenly I heard Asuna's silent voice... I wasn't sure, but it sounded like it had a hint of bewilderment to it: "Now don't stop thinking about it and open your eyes."

I obeyed. I slowly rose my eyelids and my gaze fell upon my open palm. There was a bright flame dancing between my fingers, a bit larger than Asuna's even. I gaped a little. I almost didn't feel the heat at all, just a tiny, pleasant warmth.

"You're unbelievable Kirito..." she didn't even try to hide her amazement. "You've succeeded immediately at the first try, not to mention how strong it already is..."

"Well, there's a reason for that..." I could barely control the excited trembling of my voice. "Thank you."

"For what? You did it on your own."

"But without you I wouldn't have known how to... and how do I put it out now?"

"Similarly, just the other way around."

"Oh, you're so funny..." Even so, after a few moments I instinctively grasped the mechanism of it and made the flame disappear.

Asuna smiled. "It might get even stronger soon, if you manage to put Eugeo in order."

I nodded. "Maybe we'll be able to together. I mean... even if he doesn't want to allow that thought to himself... we all already are friends."

"If that's what you really feel... can I ask a little favor of you?"

"Of course."

"Don't force yourself into clearing everything up on your own in the future... If you have some problem or are struggling with something, just share it with me. I will carry what's too much for you, alright?" she gave me a heartwarming wink.

"You're the best."

"And now go, before they call it a day."

I blinked. "Sorry?"

"Didn't you just want to go somewhere?"

"How..."

She just laughed heartily. "Maybe I'll tell you one day. Go, but be careful. And don't forget to return to us."

I just shook my head smiling in bewilderment. I figured I should be grateful, that there was no need to throw her into the lake. "I will come back as soon as they let me," I joked, climbing atop the balustrade again.

"Have a nice flight. And a safe one."

I leaped from the balcony energetically. I got a sensation at the tip of my wing that told me, that I miraculously missed Asuna's head by a thread with it. I spun around in midair. "I'm sorry!" I yelled, panicked.

"I'm fine, don't worry!" she waved, clearly amused, and urged me to finally leave with another hand gesture.

With a few beats of my wings I gained some height and circled the mansion's premise once before turning east. It was a wonderful evening for flying. The air was a bit sultry, but the breeze moving around my wings made the feel of it more comfortable and tempted me to do some research with directions and heights. I soared above the dark thicket, delighting in the feeling of freedom the caressing touch on my skin elicited.

I went a bit higher and looked around. To my right I could see the valley, that we crossed to get to Silivren Forest. So I assumed my home should be somewhere straight to the east, maybe a bit north-east. I folded my wings and went into a dive, then snapped them open just above the tree tops and started ascending again. It was hard to imagine a more fun activity than this aside from swordplay.

After what felt like an hour of aerial experimentation, when the moon rose lazily over the horizon where I came from, I saw a faint glow between the trees in front of me and slowed down. I let myself fall a bit and soon saw the roofs of familiar cottages, the bonfire burning between them, and the silhouettes of people... The faint columns of smoke from the hearths showed that it was just slightly past the time of the evening meals. They soaked up the moonlight and dispersed higher up like silvery clouds below the starry sky. I almost beamed, looking at it all from above. Flying was so much faster than walking, even faster than horseriding... it felt like I reached my destination in no time. Or was I just having too much fun on the way?

Deeming it not very important right now I fell further carefully, in between the trees, and settled down on one of the not too tall lindens' branches. From there, half-hidden among the young leaves, I started to look out.

I just followed Selka with my eyes all the way to her little home near the center of the village, when I heard a familiar voice nearby:

"I'll get right to it, I'll just bring some water, uncle."

I carefully leaned out a bit and peered downwards. There was Alice... My childhood friend just came out of her house, a little wooden bucket in her hand, and headed towards the brook. In other words, exactly in my direction.

When she passed underneath the branch I was standing on, I spotted an opening between the trees and leaped a bit lower, further towards the stream. I wasn't able to avoid the silent rustling of the leaves though, and the ever perceptive Alice looked up.

She probably wouldn't have noticed me in my dark clothing, if it weren't for the moon. She looked me straight in the eyes, and the bucket in her hand fell to the ground with a soft thud. "Ki... Kirito?" she stammered. And then the shock of me even being here went forgotten. "What are you... how did you get all the way up there?! Are you crazy, you're not a feather-light kid anymore, get down!"

I just grinned. "Well, if you insist..." and I jumped down.

Alice shrieked, covering her face with her hands in terror, to avoid seeing the macabre sight that she was sure would follow. When she didn't hear any screams or cracking of bones though, she hesitantly opened her eyes again.

And suddenly there was shock evident on her features again, but of a different kind this time. It wasn't what I expected. For some reason my heart suddenly skipped a beat, as if sensing something disastrous closing in. Even the trees rustled miserably in the sudden gust of night wind.

"I see..." Alice whispered suddenly, the surprise in her azure eyes melting into what seemed to be sadness. I wanted to say something, but she continued before I could even think of a coherent sentence. "It was obvious to me even before all of this started happening... you always were someone special... you stood out from everyone else, always seeing things your own way, treating the world like only you would... like you weren't really part of this normal realm... my realm..." the last words were almost inaudible.

A sudden chill ran through my whole body. "Alice..."

She rose her head again and smiled at me sweetly, brightening the darkness of the evening a little. But I've never seen a more pained smile in my entire life... "It looks like you've found your place in this world. And a lot seems to have changed in these few days... you feel comfortable there, don't you? Otherwise these wings wouldn't have come so quickly... right?"

"That was just..."

"Don't bother yourself with me," she interrupted me again. "You can forget, I don't mind... just... just please, please be happy..."

Alice hung her head again, letting her golden fringe cover her eyes and quickly ran past me, completely forgetting the bucket still lying in the grass. I snapped out of it a second too late and turned around wanting to snatch her wrist, but my fingertips only brushed the material of her sleeve. I wanted to run after her, but something stopped me. What would the other villagers say, if they saw me like that? How would my parents react...?

When I heard the distant slam of a door, my hand fell limply to my side, my caught breath leaving my chest in a feeble exhale that didn't ease the tension even the tiniest bit...

„The sweetest Sadness...

Your Smile as you left..."

A very warm thanks to everyone who read, favorited and followed :)

I made a little change to the chapter "What your Heart wishes to hide" and put a more detailed description of the mansion there. It was originally somewhere else, but didn't fit in there anymore due to the little changes that are happening along the way.

Have a nice weekend and see you next Friday!