I'll Live

"You know," Sam said smugly after setting her finished assignments and books onto the free seat. I glanced up from my cheesy broccoli, caught the rest of the table blinking in various states of confusion and wary concern, then I went back to my tray. It was all sorts of obvious after all. "I am so glad Mr. Miller runs that study hall."

Tyler's voice spoke up, uncertain. "Because it's easy to sign out of his for the entire time as long as you don't cause trouble elsewhere?"

"Nah," Brandon breezed out. "Ability to come here and eat food while doing homework."

Spike snorted. "Bottomless pit."

"Hey," Tucker interrupted. "We prefer 'having a healthy appetite' or 'feeding our growing bodies'."

"Eh. If you insist on being polite. I'm totally good with bottomless pit. Much more badass sounding. Like I'm housing an evil lair inside of me."

"'Cause we all get to have lunch together?" Danny piped in cheerfully.

"Yes." Sam's response came out droll, very dry and sarcastic. "That's exactly why."

My shoe got nudged and I peered back up to see Danny's bright face looking at me. Danny's eyes flicked back and forth between Sam and I. His smile grew wider. I stared back at him. And choose not to say anything.

Did all of them miss the fact Sam had purposely blocked Valerie from coming over to sit in the last open seat at the table?

It really was not difficult to figure out why. Danny tended to talk about Valerie more often these days, how they talked online after school for possibly hours, both seeking the other out at school more often to see each other for a quick hello, and the fact they had a restaurant date this past weekend. Tucker's concerns, and especially Sam's about this between Danny and Valerie, were definitely voiced. Carefully, small doses in all of Danny's chatter, but repeatedly and determinedly making their concerns trying to be heard through what Tucker enjoyed calling 'the honeymoon phase'. I'd call it a bit differently, but he was not wrong. Fresh and new and exciting and not one sided as they enjoyed every bit of time together.

At the end of the lunch period, Danny spotted Valerie, their eyes meeting as we were dismissed. Danny excused himself quickly enough from us, oblivious to Sam's earlier block to Valerie sitting with us. Valerie had been polite enough, asking to borrow him from us so they could go to class together, smiling at Tucker and I. Then off they went to walk to Ms. Schmidt's classroom together.

"The two of them are kind of adorable together."

Sam's head swiveled at me, glaring something fierce. Next to her, Tucker pulled of an interesting combination of reactions to my words. A sharp snort of an aborted laugh, furiously shaking his head, a huge sigh as he slapped his forehead. And then he tensed, shoulders shifting up toward his ears, and slid away from Sam. Whose cheeks were puffed up ready to burst in my direction.

"Aaand we're gone," Spike announced, grabbing a hold of Tyler and Brandon to drag them off.

"Kind of adorable? Adorable?" Sam fumed. Then yelled right at me. "You think they're adorable together!?"

Some people in the hallway turned to look, saw who it was, and kept moving. Except for a couple left staring. Or glaring in Bonnie's case. Dash looked like he'd done a double take in the midst of walking and hovered there with some confusion. Reaching forward through the group, Bonnie got a hold of Star and pulled, sashaying over toward us.

"Adorable together?" She leaned close, smiling conspiratorially and sharply. "Oooh, do tell."

Star's annoyance at being tugged over quickly evaporated, excitement filling her face, eyes bright. "Together? There's a new couple?"

"What?"

Dash moved. He shoved through the crowded hallway to get over to us, his eyes flickering. To Star, me, Bonnie, Tucker, Sam, Star, Tucker, Bonnie, me, and then drawing back. "Who? Which one of you?"

Irritated, Star batted him away with a hand motion. "Please Dash, Bonnie and I were just asking. Chill. Please tell me it's Tucker here."

Sam's head reeled back, baffledly looking back and forth between Bonnie and Star's expectant faces, Dash's own bewildered and anxious trying not to gap at her. "What? No!"

Glancing between everyone, having that moment to think, Dash spoke. "Hey, that's an option I like out of them." And openly pointed at Sam, Tucker, and I.

"Huh."

Tucker stared up at Dash for a moment at that, then slowly grinned.

"But speaking of..." He said. And leaned forward, waggling his eyebrows over at Bonnie.

Both she and Star stared at him. "Uh, no," they said as one. Then turned away from him, to Sam and then to me.

Tucker shrugged. "Worth a shot."

"Spill," Bonnie ordered.

I shrugged. As I was pretty sure she likely already knew. Valerie had mentioned it to me last week when she talked to me, checking to make sure I didn't have any feelings past friendship for Danny.

She asked the wrong friend to Danny, but well, at least she was trying around Sam. Her shock at my hinting toward that in my advice had been loud. She was really trying. Far more than I at first thought of her, but made more sense when I had mulled it over.

Trying to respect her feelings and not shove the new relationship in Sam's face. Trying with both Sam and Tucker really. To not say the wrong thing and being careful when she spoke up around them, sticking real close to safe topics or simple greetings.

But Valerie had mentioned she had asked both Bonnie and Star for their thoughts too before asking Danny out.

"Danny."

"Oooh." She drew it out, smiling. "So it went past a first date? They're officially a thing after this weekend?"

I glanced down toward the hallway and Bonnie bounced on her feet to catch sight of them in the crowd.

"Check that out, Star! They're walking to class together!"

Star huffed. "Oh joy. Well, she likes him plenty enough I suppose."

"Oh, stop that." Bonnie chastised cheerfully. "Be happy for Valerie and him. He's a good one. Even managed the difficult task of making friends with Ashley."

She winked at me, then smirked over at Dash who startled and went wide eyed at the look from her. And then he scowled, glancing away from our odd group of people. "Whatever. Fenton can date Valerie. It's not nearly as weird as Paulina."

"Uh huh." Bonnie leaned closer to me, whispering. "I think I've finally figured out that something he thought I might know back from Homecoming."

I glanced to her conspiratorial grin. And did not ask. If Bonnie was not saying now, she either wanted to rattle Dash with her words or would bring it up later to me privately.

"Fine." Star rolled her eyes. "I'm glad, as it's the happiest she's been in a time. But I still stick with I don't think it's a good idea at all for her to date him. They simply cannot last."

I actually agreed there. Even hinted about that too, to Valerie last week. After asking me about my feelings toward him, she persisted in hearing any advice and my opinion about a relationship with Danny before she asked him for the date.

Danny and Valerie were kind of adorable together, but they were young. And with how both of them were about protecting Amity Park... That issue was going to crop up and I doubted either of them were actually going to talk to the other about it. The chances did not seem high. But if they did talk, really talk with each other in extending into relationship territory past a first date or two, then I could see them lasting and working well with each other.

Like I said. They were kind of adorable together.

"Hey." Tucker scowled over at Star. "What's so wrong about Danny?"

Dash snorted.

"Oh plenty when it comes to anything stronger than an easygoing friendship between them. That part, I have no problem with," Star tagged on quickly for Tucker. Flashed a smile. "You three getting along is something she really appreciates. I don't have a problem with that as we can't always hang out."

"Right." Sam snorts and rolls her eyes. "The social hierarchy. Because she wasn't rich enough anymore, you guys dropped her like a hot potato. Great friends you are."

Star tossed her blonde hair back over her shoulder dramatically, tilting her nose up. "No. And that shows just what you know. Don't you dare drop her like a 'hot potato'." She raised her nose up further at Sam. "Goth girl."

Huh.

Ah.

I could make a guess. Based off of when we were younger and what I saw of Valerie throughout middle school up until last year. And very little guesswork as to why Sam disliked Valerie. Outside of the protecting Amity and Danny. While Sam was against a large chunk of what her parents pressed onto her, fighting to do the opposite and take her own path, Valerie very much soaked in and showed off nearly everything.

For Valerie, her family and everything included, had been a source of great pride and importance. She was important and usually, stubbornly, took charge in any group. Her and Star used to get into such arguments about being the one in charge, then would shove Bonnie up as the one to be in charge of whatever thing it was.

Or Lina and I would dive through all the arguing, nip it in the bud and divy out roles that'd be acceptable to everyone, rather than us and Kyla attempting acts of playing peacemaker for all the arguing Valerie and Star insisted upon in their friendship.

But Valerie's sense of pride and importance... And what I saw throughout middle school. Well. I could make a guess as to why some might have taken a chance to not have to put up with that kind of attitude dialed up on high.

"Hey," Star's voice snapped.

I blinked, pulled out of my thoughts to look back over at her. Her hand flicked out, a neatly folded up pink paper into an intricate rectangle held between two fingers. I stared for a moment, recognizing the folding and the carefully neat Hangul. I hadn't seen this since... I had to think back to make sure. Since the end of fifth grade, the end of elementary school.

"Take it. Here." She pressed it into my hand. I closed my fingers around it. And Star turned on her heel. "Like I'm being late for Carnell. Are you good Bonnie? Because that lady does not even bat an eye at 'a visit from Aunty Flo'."

"I'm right here," Dash squawked out. "And so's Tucker!"

Star scoffed. "We're half of the population and you're probably going to marry one someday. I'm being polite, Dash. At least you're better than half the boys who snicker about it. Tucker handled it better than you did."

I glanced over to find Tucker puffing up his chest, preening at Star's praise.

"Yeah, well. I got a bit of a thing about human body fluids," he grumbled a bit darkly. His blue eyes flicked over to me for a second, then turned about to join Star. "Later. Losers."

Frowning for a moment, that look took me a moment to puzzle out, then it clicked sharply. Oh. Oh, that made sense. Not too sure why Star's polite 'visit from Aunty Flo' would get to him or how it connected to his dad 'tossing h—

Bonnie glanced to me, and I tossed my thoughts aside about him to focus on her. Then Bonnie glanced to Sam and shrugged as she looked back to me. "Well, at least she's not fuming at you anymore," she said to me. "I better hurry and go. Carnell's such a pain. Speaking of pains. How's your shoulder doing? Really? I will poke it if you try to downplay it on me. Like you always do."

I huffed. "It's fine."

Her face brightened. "Oh good, some emotion in that response. See ya, Ashley! I've got to tell you about Dash later today! Come over to my locker!"

"What happened to your shoulder?" Tucker asked curiously in the silence of Bonnie's dash away.

I froze. Forcefully pushed that out of my head and asked him a question in response. "Don't you have Mrs. Carnell too?"

"Yeah, but lunch just got out, I've got a couple minutes to get all the way over there. There's no hurry. They probably just didn't want to..."

And Tucker trailed off, as he'd glanced up to check the nearby hallway clock.

"I've only got 30 seconds to get there!? Crud!"

Which left only Sam and I to a short walk to our shared class with Mr. Christensen. And not a lot of time to talk on the way there. Not that we ever had talked much going there. In the short time since she started signing out of Mr. Miller's study hall to join us during our lunch time. Sam was also clearly still not a fan. I don't blame her about that. I understood.

And the silence between us was appreciated. I liked Sam for it. As...pleasant as it was to be a bit more anchored and not drifting through the crowds, it was still strange. And felt not quite...not quite right and unsettling and awkward at times. Making me a little twitchy.

Fraud. You're not important. You don't des—

"Hey. Ashley."

Surprised at the whisper over to me in the first few minutes of Mr. Christensen attempting to get the handed homework papers in order along with delaying tactics about the homework in the gathered group in front of him, a couple guys quickly scribbling out answers behind the group surrounding his desk, I turned to look at Sam rather than watch the surprising tactic that always worked on the science teacher.

She nibbled at her lip, then spoke straight to the matter.

"You know them. Were friends with them. Did Star mean that? Valerie appreciating our..." Her nose wrinkled. "Friendship?"

"Of course. Haven't you noticed?"

"Noticed what? Her attachment onto Danny?" Her eyes rolled. "Hard to miss that. She pretty much ignores Tucker and I."

I shrugged, playing with the edge of my library book, sliding the folded paper in and out of it. "He is...surprisingly open. Hard not to be open back. All of you are friends and she...she's used to being with groups of people. Tucker, she can talk to. On safe topics. But you are...bristly? Neither of you outright turn her away, from what I've seen, but... And so... She's been trying. She really does appreciate you and Tucker, not just Danny. She cares under all her stubborn nature and it makes her a bit awkward sometimes. Kind of like you and Tucker being a bit awkward around her."

Sam scowled. "Because she's a danger to Danny. And I have a feeling and am pretty sure you know that, don't you? About her. Because I recognize the out you gave her. It's exactly what Tucker and I do for Danny when he needs it."

I glanced to the side at that. That was Valerie's to talk about. Not mine. But...

"That's why I agree with Star," I said with a sigh. "About them lasting. It's going to become an issue between them. And I doubt they'll talk to each other about it."

Sam's mouth opened. Closed. Opened and closed once again. "Huh. You... Maybe. Okay. You maybe have a point. Great. I won't have her to put up with for long then."

I looked down, watching the pink paper slid in and out from the pages of textbook.

"What?" Sam snapped.

"That's Star's point. Valerie is, well, Valerie. But she does, and wants to, consider you and Tucker friends too. She's stubborn. Right?"

Sam frowned, but slowly agreed. "Right."

"But she respected your feelings and didn't join us for lunch like she wanted to. Valerie would not do that if she does not consider you a friend." I paused, thinking about how awkward and tumultuous their interactions were. "Or hope."

It appeared to take a moment for that to sink in by the look on Sam's face. Then her eyes grew, jaw slowly hanging open. "Wha-? She can't possibly think that... That..."

"That you and Tucker and Danny are the first new chance she has for more friends since last year? More than Star and Bonnie? And is terrified about 'botching it up'. Her words. Because you're not wrong. We drifted apart in middle school." I picked at my book. "We're not friends anymore. But I was one of three people she felt safe to ask my opinion about the idea of her asking Danny out on a date."

Her face twitched. Sam scowled. Threw herself back into her seat. And grumbled.

"This does not mean I'm going to be nice to her."

I tilted my head at her. Because I knew Sam. And Sam was perfectly entitled to stay true to her feelings. I preferred it myself. "I know. I only wanted to fully answer your question from how I see it. That's all."

She squinted over at me.

"Huh. No wonder you hit it off with Danny. When you open your mouth you're surprisingly...give everyone the benefit of the doubt and optimistic, aren't you? The type to want everyone to get along." She snorted and looked forward where Mr. Christensen was getting ready to start the class. "As if."

I stared at the side of Sam's face, stunned.

Optimistic? Me?

And shook my head, slowly pulling the pink slip of paper behind my pile of books, opening up the nostalgic folds from childhood. Less flowers and hearts dotting the 'i's and 'j's like she'd been prone to doing in fifth grade. Or any of the little doodles along the edges of the paper. But the handwriting was familiar enough. As was the pink paper and the folds she and I figured out, created, practiced to perfection for the joy of passing notes only to each other and giggling over that which was for 'our eyes only' as though what was contained were some great secrets.

Peeking up to the classroom, to the teacher and Sam staring at him as he pointed energetically at the chalkboard, I leaned over my desk with long strands fanning either side. And read Lina's first penned words to me since elementary school days. My chest filled, eyes drawn to the greeting longer than I needed in reading it, letting it soak in.

'Dear Ash,' it began.

Apologies on skipping a month. Well, I feel a bit bad about it. But the past month has been...we'll say interesting with both work and my current living situation. While I'm looking forward to about upcoming events to bring fruition to my sneaking in of hints... Yes, Ashley, keep opening up! Argh! Talk more, yes. Be awkward, feeling weird and uncertain, but you keep cracking open.

Always pleased and so freaking amazed to see a couple follows and a favorite to Ashley. Thank you to Luna Lillyth and CarishTale for reviewing!