Eleventh part : Clearing

Song : One Republic - Someone to Love

Molly was behind the door. She was fixing me. She was serious. She was not smiling as she used to. And I knew the time to talk was finally coming. I had not planned it came so quickly but I had no choice right now.

"Molly ?! what are you doing here? I was…"

"Can I come in? I at least deserve this…"

She came in Chris' apartment. At that moment, I was so glad Chris was in her room deeply asleep. I couldn't have handled Chris and Molly in the same room. I offered Molly a drink but she refused it. She only wanted to talk. She wanted to know what I was doing in Chris 'apartment at 11 P.M. wearing pajamas. She didn't understand why I was not in my house.

She was looking for me tonight because she had something to celebrate. She had just closed a big case she was working on for months this afternoon. She went by my house and Luca told her I was sleeping at Chris' since weeks now. My secret was eventually revealed. I had kept it for weeks and Luca had ruined everything in a few seconds.

I had to talk with her and explained why I was staying at Chris' for so long. I knew she would understand if I gave her all the details. I told her Hondo asked me to stay with her because he was afraid she might do something wrong after she had been injured in the explosion. I explained to her Chris had been badly injured: her left arm had been broken, she had just removed her plaster this afternoon. Some of her ribs were broken too and she had a pretty bad concussion in the head.

She remained silent and listened to me while I was telling her how I had spent all my evenings (or so). I told her the case was still in progress, that everyone was really anxious at work because of the pressure of the mayor and the attorney. She was still quiet. I didn't know what to do, what to say, what to explain…

It took her at least ten minutes before she started talking. She thanked me for all the explanations. My behavior of the last weeks had worried her. She was scared I had had a problem. She told me she didn't understand why I didn't say a word to her about the situation.

"I could have understand, you know… What I don't understand is why you have lied to me…"

I didn't know what to answer to that question. I had lied to her for sure. I couldn't deny it. But I had done it for her not to be worried about something she had nothing to worry about. And now she was reproaching me for not letting her know a thing that was bothering her. I was lost.

"I'm sorry" It was the only words which could get out of my mouth. I didn't want to justify what I had done. I just wanted Molly to understand I did it because I wanted to protect her. "I didn't want to hurt you or make you feel bad… I just acted in the moment. Chris needed help, Hondo asked me to be there for her and that was what I have done since. She's my best friend and…"

She looked pissed. She took a deep breath. "Don't lie to me like that Jim. You should have told me. Ok, I'm not a big fan of your friendship with Chris. But I could have understood if you had explained to me the circumstances. From my point of view, I have the impression you didn't want me to know you spent time with Chris…"

She was not wrong. But she was not right either. At first, I didn't want her to know about what happened to Chris because I didn't want her to be scared when I was on the job. Then I didn't say a word because after the mess it had been when Chris came to live in my house after she broke up with Ty and Kyra, I was not sure Molly would understand. And eventually, I might have not told a word because I enjoyed spending time with my best friend.

"You know I love you Jim. But this relationship you have with Chris… It's weird. You say she's your best friend but in the fact, she seems to be more… I am not jealous… Maybe a little… What I want to say is when you are together, I' m feeling excluded and I don't like that."

"You don't have to feel like that. You are my girlfriend and I love you. And if you feel like that, You have to tell me. I'll find a way to feel you better…"

"It's not so easy, Jim. If you hide something big like that from me, how can I know you are not hiding other things from me? From the beginning, I have known you have a special connection with her. To say the truth, she was the one I asked if you were single in the first time. Because I knew she was the only person in the world who would know the answer for sure. The question is what is she to you?"

I remained silent for a moment. She didn't seem to be angry at me or even anxious at what I could answer. She seemed resigned, fatalistic. As if she knew what was coming next.

"I think I have my answer. But have you yours, Jim?"

"I… don't… Know…"

I stayed speechless for a while. Everything was so topsy-turvy in my head. I really liked Molly, she was nice, she was smart, she was pretty, she was funny… But she was not Chris. At that moment, it occurred to me I had feelings for Chris… More feelings than I thought… And Molly knew about them.

"Molly… you know I love you. You know I've never played you since we have started dating. I like what we have. I really like the moments we spend together."

I looked at her in the eyes. I wanted to show her I was devoted to our relationship. I wanted her to know that when I started dating her, I was determined to build something solid, something permanent, something durable. She smiled at me and stroked my arm.

"You are a nice guy, Jim Street. You are sweet, you are delicate but you are not where you would like to be."

She got up from the sofa as she kept on talking. She took her jacket and put it on. Just before she opened the door to get out of the apartment, she turned towards me. I was near her. I didn't tell her to go.

"Please…"

She looked and smiled at me. She seemed peaceful with what she was about to say.

"Jim, you are a beautiful person. I am grateful for having met you. We have lived a lot of beautiful moments but I think now we have to go in separate directions. I wanted to thank you. We gave me a lot. I have been very happy with you. But our relation has come to an end. I know you like me a lot… But behind this door, there is someone you love deeply. Goodbye, Jim Street. It has been a pleasure to be your girlfriend. Be happy with her."

She kissed me one last time and vanished in the corridor. And I stayed completely stunned on the threshold of Chris' apartment.