Chapter 21 - Winter Song

The Head and the Heart

Author note:

I apologize for the late update. Thank you to all that left kind reviews this last week. They really made the difference, and I decided to get my act together and prepare this chapter. When I originally wrote this and the next couple of chapters I wasn't very pleased with them, which is why I have been dragging my feet with publishing. Also, I live in Japan currently and work has since picked up significantly, so I have just been busier in the post COVID-19 world. At any rate, your words help me feel like I'm not just wasting yours and my time with writing this, so thank you.

Also, I appreciate all of the compliments for "my" Orochimaru! This story has been a few years in the making (which sounds silly for a fanfiction, but whatever) and much of that was trying to figure out how to make it as true as possible to the real personalities of the characters.

Once the story is finished I'll give you some background into the storyboard process and characterization if you are curious about it (Let me know below).

Ren and kakashi returned to Konoha the next day and reported to Tsunade. If the news of Orochimaru's doings in Yube was surprising to her she didn't show it.

"Mm… Ren will you stay a moment. The rest of you can be excused." Tsunade spoke addressing both Kakashi and the guard ninja stationed by.

Ren nodded.

The room cleared and she heard the last door close. The wind blew softly from the window.

"I'm sorry to have to be the one giving you this news but… We heard from a spy that Orochimaru has been killed… by Sasuke."

Ren remained still. The piercing feeling of loss came and left in an instant.

"I thought you should be the first to hear it..." Tsunade continued.

He isn't dead… remember? Ren told herself. She clearly recalled Orochimaru's return by some other means later on in the series.

She cleared her throat and spoke. "Thank you Hokage sama- but I am afraid I must tell you that I don't think Orochimaru is dead yet. It is my belief that he has stored some of himself in the curse mark which his victims wear. I think he will make a return."

"Hm…" Tsunade stared at Ren's neck where her own curse mark was peeking through. "And you aren't aware of exactly how he does this?"

"I'm afraid not."

Tsunade sighed and nodded to Ren, signaling that she could leave.

Ren stopped at the door, touched by Tsunade's consideration to tell her first. "Tsunade sama - Thank you for letting me know. I appreciate it."

Tsunade nodded as she closed the folder. Ren smiled. Glad to see some progress of trust.

"Mm... So what was that about?" Kakashi asked, his nose in his book, as Ren closed the door behind her.

"Oh… Orochimaru has been temporarily incapacitated." Ren said more nonchalantly than she intended to; trying to avoid any feelings on that topic.

Kakashi looked up from his book.

"It's not permanent …" She emphasized then got quieter as though there was more to that sentence.

"...Sadly." Kakashi added for her under his breath.

Ren stared at him, and a part of her wished she shared the same sentiment but knew she never would.

"Geez, Ren chan, you're eating more than me!" Naruto said.

"I can't help it, I am starved."

Naruto stared and laughed at Ren's ravenous form. She was always an emotional eater but since she got back it really seemed like she was making up for lost time.

Ren swallowed the three dumplings in her mouth and sighed with satisfaction.

"Naruto I'm surprised you wanted to eat here, you're normally a ramen only kind of guy." Ren said.

"Yeah, well I know how much you like dumplings so I figured we could meet here instead."

Ren smiled at his thoughtfulness. "So what's up? What did you want to chat about?"

"Nothing really, I guess I just missed spending time with you and …" He trailed off looking sad.

Ren thought about the time where both her and Sasuke were with Orochimaru and how hard it must have been for Naruto to be left behind.

"... I mean I was with Jiraiya for awhile, but I was always thinking of you two, I hope you know." His cheeks were red with sincerity.

Ren smiled. "I know." She looked down at her plate. "I wish things could be the way they were before…"

"Don't worry Ren. They will be." She looked up to see Naruto smiling widely. "Soon enough you, me, Kakashi sensei and Sasuke will all be sitting at Ichiraku ramen again. I promise." He made a thumbs up.

Ren was impressed with his tenacity, and realized why the series had been named after him. There was something uniquely special about Naruto, the way he said promises really made you believe him.

"I'm looking forward to that day…" Ren said looking down and smiling at her hands.

"And Ren?"

"Yeah?"

"I want you to know, Kakashi sensei and I tried everything to get you back. And I'm sorry to have failed you…"

He wasn't the wild little boy he once was.

"I know Naruto... You don't need to worry about it, I wasn't wanting to be saved."

His face looked surprised.

Ren continued, "I think Sasuke will be the same way. We can try to save him as much as we want, but until he wants to be saved he'll always find a way to escape."

Naruto clenched his fists and focused his eyes. "Well, I will never give up trying... And when he's ready we'll be there."

The world was becoming a dark place. The talk of war loomed everywhere. In Ren's own neighborhood two had died on run-ins with the Akatsuki recently. She wondered whether she had done the right thing those years ago when she told the Third Hokage the information she knew about the Akatsuki. Would fewer people have died if she had just kept her mouth shut?

Ren spent a significant amount of her free time with Kakashi for that reason. He didn't allow her to play the "What if" game. However when he was out of town, and she wasn't assigned to any particular mission it was much harder to focus.

"Oi, Ren!" Ren looked behind her to see who was calling. Jiraiya gave her a short wave.

"Hey Jiraiya, what's up?"

"I haven't seen you in awhile, how have you been?" He asked.

"Oh I've been…" She thought for a moment "...good, I just got back from a mission around the Hidden Mist so it has been awhile." Ren motioned to the large bags of groceries in her hands to indicate the long time that had passed.

"Let me help you with that." He offered.

"Thanks, I could use a hand." Ren replied.

As they walked back to her apartment Ren was grateful for the company, she hadn't talked with Jiraiya for almost a month. They had a lot to catch up on, and for the first time in a while it wasn't just sad conversations. Jiraiya talked of his recent conquests and Ren shared her and Naruto's recent pranks on Kakashi.

Once they made it to her house Ren offered to make him a cup of tea while he sat at her countertop. The conversation turned to memories of the past as Ren sat down next to him.

He talked of adventures with Tsunade and Orochimaru. Many of them were ones she had never heard before, and they made her smile, to her surprise.

"... Aw Tsunade tries, but she can't resist me. Those were good times, weren't they?" He said with a grin on his face. "But - I've talked about the past enough."

"Yes, you do seem quite nostalgic today." Ren commented with a sip from her tea.

"But, how have you been, I hear you've spent a lot of time with Kakashi as of recently. Are you two dating?"

Ren nearly spit her tea out. " No, no… We aren't dating."

Jiraiya gave her a curious expression. "Well that's too bad, he's a great guy. You could do much worse-"

"I think I prefer your nostalgic conversations…" Ren muttered.

Jiraiya laughed. "I'm sure you do…"

"Why so sentimental, all of the sudden?" Ren posed. "Have you realized you are too old for all of the women you are currently pursuing?"

"Never!" Jiraiya laughed and got up and gathered his belongings. "Actually I'm going on a trip tomorrow, to visit some of my old students… So I guess it has me feeling sentimental."

Ren put her cup down and looked him in the eye. Jiraiya didn't need to say it. She knew who he was visiting, and she knew in her heart he likely wouldn't return.

"Jiraiya -"

"Ren," He held his hand up to motion her to not speak. "You're a good girl. You did everything you could. So, just promise me, you'll be happy okay?"

She nodded slowly. "Mm."

Jirairya's smiled returned to his face. "Thank you for the tea. See you."

And he left out the door.