Chapter 19
Trauma and Temper Tantrums
It was a lazy Saturday afternoon at Emma's.
Emma and Manny had stayed up late the night before so they woke around noon starving but there wasn't much to eat in the house. Emma suggested, "Well maybe we can go to The Dot and grab brunch?" Manny made a face that implied she didn't want to go, "I can go grab it I guess by myself and bring it to you."
"Now you're talkin'," Manny told her, beaming with her dimples showing further explaining herself, "I'm just trying to keep a low profile, I'm still humiliated."
"I'm going to find out who did that like I said I have my theory," Emma put on her ballet flats and a t-shirt over her tank top giving her look a layered effect. She brushed her hair and put it in a low pony. "I just don't want you always hiding out you know, but eventually I think you can move past this."
"Enlighten me on your theory."
Emma told her plainly, "Peter the one from the pool."
"Honestly Emma, it's kind of a stretch," Manny made excuses because she wanted her to be wrong, she backed up back onto her bed, "Why would your Peter hate me? I barely spoke to him."
"He's not my anything. Honestly, he's a kind of a jerk, a complete tool and he has a motive."
"Just because you went all feminist and bailed on him doesn't mean he's the culprit."
"Party was at his house and he doesn't exactly have an alibi."
Manny uncomfortably asked, "I don't know, Em no offense to your theory, can we talk about something else?"
"I'm done hypothesizing, it's not like we're going to have an opportunity to see him anyway. He doesn't go to Degrassi." Emma preoccupied and nonchalantly said as she dug in her bedside table drawer and found her menu brochure for The Dot and gave it to Manny, "Write down and order whatever you'd like. I got paid yesterday for my shifts at my mom's salon."
"When I get a part-time job I promise to pay you back."
"Honestly don't even worry about it, I got you."
"Thanks, Em."
"Manny, whatever you do Manny, don't give up on your dream."
Manny softly smiled uncomfortably, "I'm not planning on it, it just seems a little unattainable given the circumstances. I'm just going on a hiatus until all of this hopefully blows over and I lose twenty pounds whichever comes first."
"You're not fat, you don't need to lose any. It will blow over, it's our school isn't there a giant scandal every year that everyone forgets about within months? Fuck Berniece there's other agents and gigs. If she isn't going to represent you someone better will come along."
"You're not completely wrong," Manny shrugged her shoulders, quickly went over the menu and told Emma, "Just order me a Caprese panini with extra mozzarella, add chicken and we can split fries," While Emma went to order and pick up food, Manny signed on and got online and saw that Craig Manning was online and had sent her a message.
She had a feeling he was messaging her because of the pictures in the school, she wondered to herself, had everyone seen them?
His first message he apologized for what he said to her at school and how she didn't deserve that is a mistake he made in life and then they sort of went from there. They never met up but they also didn't talk about serious things. He confided in her about what he had done, about running away, about Skinny the homeless guy and about how Joey helped save his life and get him on the right track after Ashley's departure. She told him about her lofty ambitions of being an actress. He said he would go see her in her first gig. She told him whenever he and the 'squash had a gig she'd come to watch. Manny liked talking to him more than she liked to admit but she was naturally on guard because the last time she gave him heart he had let her down.
overxposed: manny, I'm concerned about you. Its been a bit, can we talk?
smileygurlxox: hi, I didn't see you Thursday then again I'm sure you heard what happened
overxposed: not from who matters. in case you were wondering from you as in yourself
smileygurlxox: it's a long story Craig i won't bore u with the details but you know how my parents are strict but not even i knew how bad we had a stupid fight i left and the next day i come home and i got kicked out and i live with emma and her family
overxposed: wow, wasn't expecting that but I know how you told me about them before, like last time we talked
smileygurlxox: of course before that i don't even remember what happened but i went to a party got roofied and now there's scandalous photos i have zero recollection of taking. Emma thinks its some guy we barely know who she bitched out at the pool but idk between you and me i know it probably is him and i blacked out so it's everyone at the party's word against mine
overxposed: omg are you ok? I'm so sorry that happened. I had a feeling it wasn't your fault. I'm messaging you bc inviting you tonight to my show, downtown sasquatches' show but i'd really like for you to come to the show no pressure i doubt the last place u wanna be is with me or in public i wouldn't blame u if u didnt wanna go but the offer stands
smileygurlxox: i guess im ok um wow a show? Can I think about it and get back to you?
overxposed: so its a maybe?
smileygurlxox: a maybe yes
overxposed: well you dont gotta stay long if you dont wanna but i'll be coming to the place around 730 and i'm scheduled to go on around 9 so i can keep you company until the set
smileygurlxo: oh okay, well i'll message before then but if i dont see u online i'll just show up if that's ok
overxposed: cool hope to see you there. well i gotta go marco ellie and jimmy and the band are here for practice later manny i really hope u decide to come
overxposed put up an away message at 12:30:03 PM band practice bbl ps come to the show tonight, we got cookies! Leave it, I'll see messages later. hope 2 see u there - c
Manny hadn't told Emma or anyone that she had talked to Craig a bit over the summer over aim in the internet cafe when she was able to and by phone but it's not like she's in love and is going to up and date him. She would, however, consider the invitation, besides it'd give Emma and Jay some free time alone to make out or whatever they do and she didn't want to third wheel it or be sitting around. Manny was against breaking rules but it isn't like Spike or Snake would ever find out about her sneaking out to one set and then going straight home. She could always say to Emma she was getting ben and jerry's and she'd be right home. Manny didn't like that Emma was dating Jay but she was willing to see them together and be the judge of whether it'll last or fizzle out.
Emma was walking and she saw a red sedan drive by and drive behind her. She moved out of the way and lifted her sunglasses. She turned around and saw that it was Sean behind the while he rolled down his window and he greeted her, "Hey."
She was still walking as he slowly rode up next to her and she finally felt backed into a corner. Annoyed, she just gave her a quick, "Hi."
Sean asked bluntly, "So where are you going," she didn't answer fuming and he could tell, "you're not gonna talk to me now?"
Emma exclaimed, finally looking in his direction, "I have no idea what to say to you."
"How are you doing? I've got a few ideas like and such as you're with Jay now."
Emma stopped walking and closed her eyes exasperated, "Sean please can you not do this right now?"
Sean decided to pull over behind Emma and park his car. Emma kept walking but noticed that Sean was walking too. He caught up to her and told her, "Wait up," he called out Emma sort of stopped and heard him out, "I'm sorry if I made you mad. It's just, I don't know I was kind of hoping we can talk."
"Like I said, I don't know what to say to you." Emma avoided his eyes as they walked in the same direction looking ahead, she could see The Dot in the distance.
"Maybe you can just listen?" Sean suggested clearing his throat before saying the next careful words, at least he thought he was treading lightly, "It's just I know Jay and I know you but together I just don't understand it." Emma shot him a death stare silently and nonchalantly kept walking silently.
"Everyone thinks they got an idea about me, who I am, what I'm worth. Manny, my parents, hell even Jay himself; you don't even know me at all if you don't understand. You might know some version of me that doesn't exist anymore."
"Jay was my friend and it hurt that you're with him now knowing exactly what kind of guy he is and who I've always known you to be."
"You missed a lot evidently."
"Can you at least bring me up to speed? I'm really trying here. I've got a lot of feelings regarding you. I just thought you of all people would understand and maybe feel that way."
"For a while, I did, for a while as I told you the other night I had feelings for you. I might even still do but I just can't take you right now. I can't take looking at you, I can't face you because I've disappointed you. It was sometimes nice you know, that you've always thought highly of me but it took me till now to realize you don't really know me and you just think you do."
"Bullshit, Emma. I call bullshit when I see it."
"How is it bullshit?"
"He's warped your perception of reality. It's how he operates, he did it with me with you. He's a master manipulator. Be careful."
"No, he hasn't, I'm just seeing things without rose-colored glasses, things like you, what we were and what we aren't now." Emma scoffed, shaking her head, they stopped for a spell on the sidewalk, "Answer me this, in the past, you gaslighted me into thinking you didn't steal from my family, I know the truth. When were you going to come clean about the laptop? I was made to believe I was the crazy person in that scenario."
Sean's eyes widened asking Emma and begging her to see the light, "Jay tell you this to make me look bad? Gaslighting? Come on Emma, please open your eyes!"
Emma dismissed his question and simply nodded her head yes, "Doesn't matter who told me, just tell me is it true?"
Sean couldn't lie to Emma, he sheepishly nodded in response before apologizing, "I told you I was sorry for everything and you made it sound like you knew that stuff already and told me it was in so many words okay. I want to make that up to you." Sean sighed, "remember that summer I was fixing Mr. Simpson's car?" Sean sighed, "I didn't want you to be mad at me either."
Emma nodded not sure what it had to do with anything, she had her arms crossed over her chest, "Of course."
"It was sort of a deal I struck up with him to make up for stealing that laptop. It's not like I stole from you, Emma. It took me a long time for him to trust me again. I fucked up I know that. What does that have to do with us?"
"I don't know," She answered, still unable to look him in the eye, "I think, no, I know I loved you once, Sean and it really hurt when you did that. I was so angry with you. Even if things were different it would've taken me a while to heal. You know how impatient I can be so I dated Chris to try and see if I could get past my feelings for you for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to get over it but I couldn't." Emma added, "Jay is different though. I didn't force it to happen and neither did he. It just sorta of happened."
Sean almost mocked her, "I get that it's complicated," and then he still maintained that, "but I deserved to know that."
"Who are you to tell me what I can do? We're not married, we just dated. You weren't in love, not like I was. You cannot tell me who I can date. Are you crazy?"
"I'm not crazy but I was in love with you Emma! I was in love with you and quite frankly I don't know if I ever really stopped being or feeling that way. I might've moved on but I didn't forget."
"Sean doesn't lie to me. I know you moved on. Don't humor me. When the hell were you in love? I'm always the last to know, hurts don't it?
Sean didn't say anything and simply listened as Emma went on, "Was it when I tried to get you to stop fighting Jimmy and you pushed me or better yet more recently when you saved my life? I know you had your shit and I had mine, you grieved your way and I grieved mine. I nearly lost my fucking mind! Coming face to face with mortality," Emma got silent, "I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. It's none of your business at the end of the day what I do. You might've kept me here somehow, how could I ever thank you?"
"How about you consider this, what if I wasn't there? Sometimes I wonder if I could only remember the good times."
"What's that supposed to mean? What do you think you are owed a date?" Emma glared at him with disgust attempting to walk away before saying, "I thought it was a bit more selfless than that."
"No, hypothetically I wouldn't want to be on the planet if you were just plain gone."
Emma softened up and stopped walking and turned around to face him again, "You think I don't know? It hurts to be the last one standing. You weren't the only one there! Sometimes I think you think that."
"Forget it, Emma, I'll just go."
"Just go just walk like you always do, my fucking hero," Emma bitterly stated sarcastically, rolling her eyes walking toward the doors of The Dot while Sean walked away ripped open his car door and got inside, slammed the door of his car and the engine turned over speeding off again. He put his music on loud. He was just so livid at that moment and he didn't want to say anymore or do anything he'd regret so he simply went home.
When Sean arrived home in the empty house he wanted to hit something he let out this wail. He managed to put a hole in his wall because he missed the punching bag in the foyer and hit the wall. He didn't have his gloves on so his knuckles bruised, he muttered, "Fuck," as he slid down the wall and crumbled his body on the floor holding his bloodied and bruised hand. Sean wasn't a crier but his anger took over.
Emma heard the bells jingle as she walked into The Dot no one was there just Spinner Mason from school. Spinner looked up from whatever he was doing and simply greeted her, "How can I help you?"
Emma caught her breath and grabbed two cokes from the self-serve fridge, "These sodas, a Caprese panini with chicken and extra mozzarella, a large order of Dot Fries, I'll just take a Ceasar wrap to go."
"Wheat or white tortilla for the wrap?"
Perturbed and somewhat in a hurry answered, "I don't care. Surprise me."
"I'll just go with white," Spinner thought out loud as if to say calm down it was a simple question. He told her, "Should be ready in fifteen minutes, it's going to come to $15.50."
She paid and then Emma found a seat somewhere in the empty restaurant and waited for the order putting her sodas on the table. She decided not to sit at the bar counter and opted for a window seat. Emma felt somewhat guilty about the exchange with Sean but there was a lot she had to say to him and his unrealistic expectations. She warned him she had no idea what to say to him so he walked into that if she was being honest. He signed up for an earful and she gave him what he handed her back.
Those things needed to be addressed and now they're out there in the universe and they can't take it back.
Spinner called Emma over and gave her the order in a large brown paper bag, "Here you go, can you do me a solid? If you run into Manny tell her I said hi. I figured the panini is hers."
Emma didn't protest or make any comment regarding Manny and Spinner's estrangement and simply told him, "Thank you," and left the place. She walked back home and retreated to the basement to join Manny. Emma had a small card table that Manny cleared off the makeup from the night before while Emma was gone so they had somewhere to eat.
"Hey Em," Manny told Emma, "what took you?"
Emma took out her wrap wrapped in foil out of the bag and passed the bag to Manny, "Long story short, Sean and I sort of got into it on the way. Speaking of exes, Spinner said hello."
"Ugh," Manny reacted as she grabbed the bag and her stuff, "can he just forget we dated? It's obvious he wanted to talk because he has no friends and he saw the pictures."
"I saw the pictures and I wanna be friends with you, to be fair."
"After what happened today with Sean, I doubt he'd want to be friends with me. He already hates Jay."
"What did he say?"
"He's giving me shit for dating Jay."
"You know Sean cares he just has a weird way of showing it, I don't think after everything you've been through he'd ever be able to say he hates you."
"In so many words I think he does now. Sometimes disappointment is worse than hatred. Jay was supposed to be his friend and I get that but to Sean, I'm a disappointment."
"It's 'cause you're not choosing to date him."
"I know why, and it has a lot to do with me and how I've changed a lot since the last time we were together."
Emma opened up her soda and Manny opened up her sandwich, "Well maybe in the future you could be friends or at least cordial acquaintances. You were friends in middle school."
"Honestly I don't even know and I don't want to talk about Sean. I want to enjoy my wrap and chill the hell out until I get ready for Jay coming over."
"I was wondering if you could do me a solid for covering for you last night."
"I'm listening."
"Can I go to Craig's show? I know your parents sorta grounded me but we talked a bit over the summer soI know it's not about the photos."
"Craig's having a show? What happened to keep a low profile?"
"I knew you'd say something so forget it."
"You could go if you want, that's not the issue, it's just I'm worried about you and Craig talking again. I know how you used to feel about him and I don't want him using you again."
"We're friends that's it Emma, honest."
"I won't tell." Emma told Manny and took a bite of her food, "just be home semi-early."
"Starts at 7 something, sets at 9 apparently so after his set I'll come home."
"Perfect, besides I think Jay wants you to still be there when he's here."
"I figured I'd be doing you guys a huge favor to have some alone time," Manny questioned raising her eyebrow, "I mean I don't want to see you guys all over each other."
"We'll be hands-off if you're in the room silly, we're not neanderthals we don't wanna make you uncomfortable."
Emma checked her phone beside her and saw a text from Jay, it read:
What does Manny want to drink for later on? I got a lot of choices for party favors (;
"What do you want to drink later? Jay wants to know."
"Whatever he's got. No long islands! No patron."
"I don't like the taste of patron," Emma laughed, "I don't even know how to make long islands or what goes in them?"
"It's better that you don't. It's everything but the kitchen sink. I guess whatever you guys wanna drink no beer either."
"I like whiskey, rum, and bourbon."
"Since when I mean I know you drink but since when do you like straight-up liquor? Are you sure you're not from the south even though I know you're not?"
"It's just whatever Jay had in the ravine, sometimes it's beer or vodka but I got absolutely plastered with vodka. I mellow out mostly with the darker liquors."
"I don't think mellow is even a mood for you, you're the opposite of mellow." Emma quickly texted Jay what Manny doesn't want and told him to pick from there.
Emma took some offense, "Hey!"
"I've known you for years, I wonder what you're even like drunk."
"I'm a fun drunk. You shall see it tonight."
"I'd pay to see it."
"After the show tonight you will definitely see." Emma told her, suggesting, "I can help you get ready later if you want. I'll let you borrow something cute." She took a look at her pigsty of a room, "First though we'll clean up for tonight after we eat."