Ignored
Three Weeks Later…
"Borderline personality disorder?" Thea shook her head, looking across at the psychologist she had been working with for the past three weeks whilst in her rehab program.
"Yes." Peter, the psychologist nodded.
"W-What… why would I…" Thea shook her head with confusion, not knowing what to say, "I don't understand." She looked across at him.
"It can be a difficult illness for people to wrap their head around. Hard to diagnose. Often confused with depression or depressive bipolar disorder." He nodded, "But all the work you've done with me and… having listened to you over the past few weeks… a lot of it points to BPD." He nodded.
"But how can I just get that?" Thea shook her head, "I'm in my thirties. I mean… these things don't just pop up-"
"Well, odds are you've had it all this time." Peter nodded, "The sad reality is, a lot of people suffering with mental illness don't get diagnosed until later on in their life, unfortunately once a lot of damage has already been done." He said as Thea looked across at him. She couldn't wrap her head around it.
"Ok, granted… these past few months have been awful for me and I recognise that, I do." Thea nodded, "But I… I don't feel like I've struggled with any mental illness in my life. Shitty things have happened but… I never felt abnormal or anything like that." She shook her head.
"The biggest symptom is emotional instability." Peter said, "That's sort of like an umbrella term I guess. Under that can come… fear of abandonment, impulsive and self-destructive decisions such as… drug and alcohol misuse. A promiscuous lifestyle." He nodded as Thea looked at him, "Depression. Feeling empty and… worthless. Angry outbursts." He nodded as Thea looked at him, "All which you've shown signs of in your life going by what you've told me. You told me that you… you still fear that your father's going to go back to prison and he's… he's been out for over fifteen years."
"Yeah well… that was just a general thought." Thea shook her head, trying to backtrack as Peter raised a brow.
"You told me you… you don't really have friends. That you struggle making friends with people. It scares you." Peter nodded.
"Making friends is scary for everyone." Thea scoffed as Peter looked at her.
"We've spoke a lot over the past few weeks, Thea. You're… a strong and smart woman. This doesn't change that." He assured her, "It's a common illness that develops in teenagers and unfortunately only gets diagnosed later in life."
"And you… you think that's me?" Thea looked at him as he nodded.
"I do." Peter said, "You don't have to change how you live your life because of this. But… I think it would be beneficial, to coincide with your addictions, for you to seek regular weekly therapy sessions, even after you leave this place." He nodded to her, "And if medication is also something we need to consider we can discuss that too." He said as Thea looked at him.
"Are you sure about this?" She shook her head.
"I've been in my profession for over twenty-years." He smiled, "I'm sure." He nodded, "Being diagnosed with a mental disorder can sometimes be a blessing in disguise for addicts, you know."
"Oh, really?" Thea laughed, "Cause all I hear is another reason to drink."
"This is the reason you're drinking." He looked at her as she raised her eyebrows, "Treating this illness could very well make your battle with addiction so much easier." He nodded to her, "And that's what we want for you."
"You think?" Thea wondered as he nodded.
"Mhm." Peter said, "I'll continue working with you for the remainder of your rehab program, and for the few weeks which you're at home." He nodded, "This may give you some clarity."
"So you're saying that's… that's why I drink?" She questioned.
"It's a contributing factor that we see a lot of people with BPD having. Especially being undiagnosed." He said, "That emotional instability… you treat it with alcohol so that you don't feel so unstable. So you don't feel anything essentially." He said, "And does it work?" He asked her.
"Well… yeah, if you drink enough." She scoffed as he nodded.
"Your biggest challenge is acknowledging these feelings. Working with a therapist will really help you. Not just a therapist for your addiction but… for your mental illness." He nodded as Thea raised her eyebrows. Hearing that just sounded surreal.
"My mental illness?" She shook her head, running her hand through her hair. It was hard to understand that all this time, under the surface, there was a reason she felt the certain ways she did, there was a reason she felt the need to use and abuse alcohol and drugs. And actually… it began to make sense.
"Are you going to see Thea tonight?" Cassie asked, standing in her parent's kitchen, swinging by after work to come pick up Chase.
"Well Dominic was going to see her tonight so we figured we'd go tomorrow." AJ nodded, clearing up after dinner as Punk helped her.
It was a difficult three weeks, having to go visit their daughter every night, knowing she was in pain, knowing she was at her lowest, but they were seeing an improvement in her every day. A positive improvement. She was in less physical pain and they could tell she was really doing her best to take part in the group counselling and individual counselling at the facility she was in. They were all slowly beginning to see their Thea again.
"Jude's flying in this weekend. We're gonna bring some take-out to her and have a sleepover." Cassie told them.
"Can you do that?" AJ laughed a little.
"Yeah, we asked the people at the facility." Cassie nodded, "Thea's actually excited about it so we're doing it." She nodded.
"Oh, I wanna have a slumber party." AJ frowned as Punk smiled.
"You can come, mom." Cassie smiled.
"Oh, no. It's ok. You girls have fun. I'm glad Thea's excited about it." AJ smiled.
"Yeah she… she does seem to be doing a little better, don't you think?" Cassie nodded, looking for reassurance.
"She does." Punk agreed, "She's pushing through the toughest part right now."
"I can't believe it's already been three weeks." AJ shook her head as Cassie nodded.
"How's Dominic been doing?" Cassie wondered.
"He's been doing ok. We've been checking in on him every day. We had the kids over this weekend staying to give him a little break. But he stayed for dinner which was nice." AJ nodded, "I think he just misses Thea at home."
"Of course he does." Cassie understood, "Do you think she'll get out at the six week mark or later?" She asked them.
"I don't know, sweetie." AJ shook her head, "Depends on how she feels and how the people she's working with feels."
"Yeah last thing we want is her coming home to early." Punk said as Cassie nodded.
"Has she spoken to you guys any more about the family therapy thing?" Cassie asked.
"Just that it was suggested to her but she… she didn't want to do it." AJ shrugged, "She said that she's never held anything back with us and we know how she feels." She nodded, "And we do." She nodded confidently.
"I wasn't sure if she'd changed her mind." Cassie said.
"If she wants to do it we'll do it." Punk nodded, "If it helps her we'll do anything." He said as Cassie nodded, "But she hasn't mentioned it to us again." He said as Cassie nodded.
"Mommy I've got my shoes on." Chase ran into the kitchen after getting his shoes and jacket on.
"Hey, aren't you clever?" Cassie smiled, lifting him up, "What'd you say to A and Papa for having you over for dinner?" She asked him.
"Thanks." Chase smiled.
"Oh, that's ok, sweetie." AJ smiled at his charming little smile.
"Anytime, buddy." Punk smiled, giving him a little fist bump causing Cassie to smile.
"Thanks for looking after him." Cassie nodded to them, not knowing where she'd be without them truly.
"It's ok." AJ smiled, "You get home and get your dinner. You must be starving just off a twelve hour shift."
"I am." Cassie scoffed.
The hardest part for them was that life had to somehow keep going, even with Thea going through such a difficult time. They still had to show up to work and live their lives. It helped that they could see Thea getting on a good path, but it was still difficult.
"Maybe Theo will have your dinner waiting for you." Punk nodded.
"Yeah, we'll see." Cassie chuckled, "What do you think? Do you think daddy's made mommy dinner?" She asked Chase.
"Umm… no." Chase shook his head as Cassie chuckled.
"Yeah I don't think so either." Cassie said, "Ok, I'll see you guys later." She nodded to her parents.
"Bye, sweetheart." Punk smiled.
"Bye!" Chase yelled, waving to them as Punk and AJ smiled, watching as they left the house.
"Sweet that the girls are having a little sleepover." AJ smiled. She was happiest when her girls were together, and she knew Jude and Cassie were a fantastic support system for Thea right now.
"Yeah, it is." Punk smiled, "She's definitely a lot brighter. And she's put on some weight. She needed to." Punk said fatherly as AJ nodded.
"Yeah well she said she was getting her appetite back." AJ nodded, "Do you want some coffee?" She asked him, rubbing his back as she passed him in the kitchen.
"Yeah, go on." Punk nodded.
It was such a relief that they had each other this time around. They had each other to talk about their worries and their sadness surrounding what was going on with their daughter. Some nights they stayed up to all hours of the morning, talking about Thea, about things they could do, about all things. Just having each other through this tough time was a blessing.
"Phil, I have… so much work to do tomorrow at the office, I can't keep up." AJ shook her head as Punk looked inside the donut box curiously.
"I thought you got caught up to speed today?" Punk asked.
"Barely." AJ shook her head stressfully, "The company has a new CEO and he's just… he's a nightmare." She said, "I am only one small woman with two hands." She shook her head as he smiled a little.
"Well if there's anything I can help you with let me know." He nodded.
"I work for a fashion magazine." She looked at him as he nodded, "You wear the same white t-shirt… almost every day."
"Hey, I know fashion. I have four very stylish girls in my life. That's why I let myself go like a slob." He nodded to her as she chuckled.
That's true." AJ nodded.
"Seriously, if I can help let me know." He nodded, wrapping his arms around her waist.
"It's just so hard trying to focus on things right now." She shook her head as he nodded.
"Yeah, I know." He tucked her hair behind her ear, "But you're boss lady. You get shit done. It's on your mug right there." He said as she smiled, resting her head on his chest.
"I'm so glad you're here right now." AJ sighed as he nodded, kissing her head.
"Borderline personality disorder?" Dominic shook his head, sitting beside Thea's bed as she sat on top of the sheets with her legs in a basket.
"Yeah." Thea nodded, nervous to talk to him about it.
"H-How? I… I don't understand." He shook his head.
"I don't really either but… I mean a lot of it makes sense, too." She said, "The symptoms. Emotional instability. Impulsive decisions. Fear of abandonment. Mood swings. Depression. Angry outburst." She shook her head, "A lot of things I feel… I've never realised come under those categories. Not until Peter pointed it out to me."
"But you don't just… get an illness like that, right?" Dominic shook his head.
"No… he suspects I've developed it in my teen years which then… caused me to start abusing drugs and alcohol. Made it so difficult for me to… let my dad back into my life." She said, "I've just gone undiagnosed this whole time."
"But it's… it's nothing I've noticed." He thought to himself. He figured if his wife had a mental illness, it'd be something he knew about.
"Well apparently it's one of the hardest disorders to diagnose and recognise." Thea said, "So he thinks I should go to therapy every week, even when I get out of here, and if medication is something I might need then… he'll discuss that with me." Thea nodded.
"I've barely even heard of it." Dominic admitted.
"Me too." Thea nodded, "I've spent all day in the computer room looking up things about it. They may as well just put Thea Castillo in the first google search for it." She shook her head as he looked across at her.
"How do you feel?" He asked her. He was worried about how something like this would make her feel, how it would make her react.
"I don't know." Thea sighed, rubbing her forehead, "I mean… part of me is terrified and… confused but… weirdly another part of me is like… oh, yeah. Like a lightbulb has gone off." She said, "It's like… oh, that's why I do that or… that's why I react to things like that." She nodded as Dominic looked across at her.
"It's a lot to take in." Dominic nodded to her.
"Yeah." Thea sighed as he watched her.
His wife was going through a lot, and there was part of him that felt like he'd failed her, he was sure they all felt like that. They'd failed her in her addiction and they'd failed her now in this undiagnosed mental illness that she had, but it was a hard thing to wrap their heads around.
"It's like… it's like killing two birds with one stone now, right?" Dominic thought to himself, trying to take the information in, "If this disorder comes hand in hand with addiction then maybe… maybe that's why it's always been so hard for you, because you didn't know." He said as Thea nodded.
"That's what Peter said." Thea nodded, "I'm not gonna be too optimistic about that but… I'll do what I have to do." She said, trying to be brave as he nodded, "I'm just scared to tell people. It's just… not really sinking in."
"I can help you. Your family are gonna be there for you no matter what. We all are." He took her hand as she nodded, "It's crazy how strong you're being right now." He said as she nodded, tears in her eyes as she quickly tried to dry them.
"I feel like I don't even know who I am." Thea shook her head stressfully.
"Hey, come here." Dominic sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed beside her, wrapping his arm around her as she curled into him, "It's ok." He nodded.