Here's chapter 18! I hope you all enjoy it.
May 15th, 1946; New York; Brooklyn Naval Hospital.
"I'm surprised you're here," Phillips greeted Peggy as she walked into Bucky's hospital room.
Peggy rolled her eyes. "Dooley said he knew I'd 'need today off for the anniversary.' I'd rather work, but Dooley didn't give me a choice. Since the Howling Commandos left for Italy yesterday, I don't have many friends to spend time with today." Peggy turned to Bucky, softening. "I brought you some more things, Bucky, to help brighten up your room."
Bucky smiled stiffly "Thanks, Carter." Nothing was going to brighten up the sterile white walls, but he appreciated her gesture.
Peggy placed the bag on the desk while Nurse Anderson brought in Bucky's breakfast. Peggy pulled out her knitting as Nurse Anderson turned the radio on. Of course, with Peggy's luck, 'The Captain America Radio Show' was playing. She made a face and nearly got up to turn it to another station, but Bucky seemed intrigued, so she grudgingly let it play.
"Betty Carver?" Bucky asked, he looked ready to laugh, but assumed a serious expression when he noticed Peggy's furrowed brow. "This is awful," he commented after listening for several minutes. "How long has this been on the air?"
"I first heard it six months ago," Peggy said, counting the stitches on her knitting needles. She didn't say anything further, instead, she paid attention to his reaction.
"This is awful," Bucky repeated, more forcefully. "Can we turn it off?"
As Phillips changed the station, Peggy couldn't help but smile at the request. She was glad to know that she wasn't the only one who disliked the radio show. They listened to a Jazz station until Nurse Anderson arrived to take away Bucky's breakfast tray. She quietly turned it back to the Captain America Radio Show as she bustled around the room.
"Please turn that back to the music station," Bucky ordered. "I don't want to listen to the Captain America show."
Nurse Anderson made a disapproving noise but turned the radio station back without complaint. After she left the room, Peggy spoke again. "That show is awful. I can't believe people like it."
"How they wrote the Howling Commandos is... insulting," Bucky agreed.
"How they wrote Betty Carver is especially insulting when you're Captain America's whore," Peggy said bitterly, remembering comments that Thompson and Krzeminski had made a couple of days earlier.
A cup clattered to the ground, spilling its contents as Bucky's mouth dropped open in shock. "What?" he asked sharply.
Peggy waved a hand in dismissal. "Steve and I didn't do more than kiss before his death. But a lot of men, especially those at the SSR, think that I slept my way into my job."
"Do you mean to tell me that time in the car wasn't the first time Rogers had ever been kissed?" Peggy gulped. She'd forgotten Phillips was in the room.
"No, Colonel. Steve and I had kissed previously." She cleared her throat. "A couple of times."
"A couple of times?" Bucky laughed. "Correct me if I'm wrong, Carter, but January of '45? Didn't you and Steve steal a few moments in that barn we were staying the night? Somewhere in Russia? Falsworth couldn't look you in the eye for a week after he walked in on you two."
Peggy flushed as Phillips coughed behind her. Nurse Anderson came in to mop the milk up, "Germany," she gently corrected Bucky, "but other than that, you're right."
"Christmas of '44?" Bucky asked, brow furrowing as he tried to remember. "We had a secret Santa..."
"Yes. Steve and I picked each other as our secret Santa." Peggy quietly chuckled at the memory. "We actually ended up getting each other the same thing."
"Check with Dum-Dum, but I think he rigged the Secret Santa," Bucky said. "For you and Steve, at least."
Peggy couldn't help but laugh. "That sounds like Dum Dum."
"What's in the bag?" Bucky asked, somewhat abruptly changing the subject.
"I brought you some books and a few other items," Peggy said. She opened it up and pulled out the children's books Steve suggested she take. Steve hadn't visited the hospital since the day Bucky had originally returned stateside. He and the rest of the Howling Commandos had spent a few weeks in New York before returning to the field.
Peggy spread the books onto Bucky's tray table. Anne of Green Gables; The Story of Doctor DoLittle, and The Box-Car Children. "I know these are children's books, but I thought the simpler language might help with your headaches," Peggy offered. "Dr. Johnson said you get them if you read for too long."
"I get headaches if I do anything for too long," Bucky retorted, sifting through the books. "I loved this one." He thumbed through The Story of Doctor DoLittle.
Peggy forced a look of surprise. Steve had given her ideas on books to bring, hoping that his favorite books would help Bucky's memory. "Oh, I had no idea. The used bookstore only had a few children's books, and I grabbed what was available."
"Funny," Bucky said, he picked up Anne of Green Gables and turned it over in his hands, "Ma used to read this to Becca and I when we were little, too."
"Really?" Peggy pretended to act amazed at the coincidence.. "How odd that I brought those books today."
Colonel Phillips cleared his throat, clearly not believing Peggy's faux surprise.
"I also brought a journal," Peggy said, changing the subject. She set it and a couple of pencils on Bucky's tray table. "I heard that writing in a journal can help with memory retrieval."
Bucky smiled wanly. "Thank you, Carter." He looked at Anne of Green Gables, then looked to Phillips and then Peggy. "I know Phillips said my family can't visit until I'm out of quarantine. But is there a way you could look in on them? See how they're doing?" Bucky's voice was almost pleading.
Peggy could feel Phillips' eyes boring into the back of her head. "Of course, we can. What are your parents' names?" Peggy gently inquired.
"Winnifred and George Barnes," Bucky recited from memory. "They live on Camden Road," he paused, brow furrowing. "I think." He rubbed his head, "God, my fucking memory..."
"I'll check on them and see how things are," Peggy promised. Even if Bucky couldn't remember his parent's address, she could look it up; the SSR had his file.
Bucky sighed with relief. "Thank you, Carter."
The rest of the day passed swiftly, and soon, Peggy and Phillips were preparing to leave the hospital for the night. Once they were in the elevator, Phillips looked over at Peggy, an open question on his face. "The books." It came out as a statement, but Peggy could hear the question.
"Our mutual informant suggested it," Peggy admitted softly., "He thought it might help Barnes' memory. Same with the journal." She swallowed hard as she confessed "Our informant took several psychology courses but never finished his degree. Knowing what I know about him and... everything he knows, I'm inclined to believe him if he says something might help."
Phillips nodded in agreement. The elevator opened and they left, passing Nurse Wiggins, who had been reassigned to the front desk earlier that week. Peggy and Phillips paused outside the front doors. "You still have my word that I won't tell the Barnes family about Bucky still being alive. But God, Colonel..." Peggy paused, overcome with emotion. "I can only imagine how Becca Barnes feels. Her brother is dead, at least to her knowledge."
"It's for the best, Carter. We can't risk damaging his mental health any further."
"I understand. At the very least, Bucky deserves to know how his family is doing, even if we can't tell them right away."
Phillips' features softened-a bit. "I know you have opinions about how I'm handling the Barnes situation; you'll be there when I tell them he's still alive," he acquiesced.
Despite the reassurances, Peggy couldn't help but wonder if not telling the Barnes family about Bucky was really the best idea. The longer they put it off, the greater the risk of it potentially blowing up in their faces. No matter how they played this, there was no good outcome for anyone-especially Bucky.
Peggy looked at her watch. "Look at the time.I need to run some errands before the shops close. I'll see you tomorrow." They parted, and Peggy went directly to the phone company building. Thankfully Rose was there and let Peggy up to the SSR.
Peggy breezed right past the bullpen and made a beeline for the file room. She knew roughly where Barnes' file would be. But as she turned the corner, she stopped in surprise as she nearly ran into Agent Sousa.
"Hey, Carter, what are you doing here? I thought you had the day off?" Sousa shifted on his crutch and his head tilted as he tried to comprehend her sudden appearance.
"I-" Caught by surprise, Peggy's mind turned frantically. She knew Phillips hadn't told the SSR about Bucky yet. His being alive was given out on a strict need to know. She was relatively sure Sousa could be trusted with the knowledge that Bucky was alive. But if she told him about Bucky, would she have to tell him that Steve was alive? Could he keep that secret? Better yet, was it worth a court-martial?
"Carter?" Sousa probed gently.
An unexpected sob slipped and she latched on to it. "I-I'm really struggling," she confessed the half-truth. "I just miss Steve so much, and-and I thought maybe looking up his next of kin would help." Tears filled her eyes. "I know Steve wrote home about me, and I wanted to see who he was writing to and..." She covered her mouth to stifle another sob.
"It's okay." Sousa pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to her. "Don't cry, don't cry," he soothed. It came out more like an order than a comfort. Peggy wiped her eyes and gave a well-placed sniffle. "What's the last name?" he inquired.. "Did Rogers have a D or just a G?"
Peggy shook her head. "Both parents died before he joined. Steve wrote to the Barnes family. You remember his best friend who died during the war."
"Yeah, I heard about Barnes and the train," Sousa said, "B-A-R..." he trailed off.
"N-E-S." Peggy finished as Sousa walked over to the B's. "I just need his parent's address..."
Sousa handed Peggy the file. "You gonna be okay, Carter?" he asked, voice soft with concern. No matter how much blood and fighting he had seen on the battlefield, there was something about a woman's tears that made the most hardened warrior feel inferior.
Peggy was surprised at how touched she was at Sousa's concern. "I'll be fine," Peggy forced a watery smile. "I'm just struggling today."
Sousa smiled at her now. "It's only been a year. You'll do better as time passes. At least that's what my grandmother said."
Peggy smiled at the unexpected turn, but she held up the file. "Thank you, Sousa," she took in a breath, pretending to steady her feelings. "It pains me to admit this, but I agree that Dooley was right to give me the day off. But I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention to anyone that I was...here? Especially him?"
Sousa smiled, and for a brief moment, it appeared as though he was blushing, but Peggy pushed that thought away. "I doubt he'd believe me if I told him you agreed with him on anything," Sousa remarked with a small chuckle. "Your secret is safe with me." He hobbled away.
"Thank you," Peggy called out again. Once the coast was clear, she flipped open the file and scribbled down the address into her planner. Shoving the planner back in her purse, she closed the file and placed it back in the file cabinet, and quickly left the SSR.
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