Phoenix Rising
Ch. 24

Dear Diary,

I thought when I got all of my memories back that I would feel different, that I would be different, like who I was in my first lifee and who I am in this life would somehow mesh together and create this new person. But I feel…like me, just with more knowledge. It's weird, I thought my taste in things would change, but I like everything around me as much as I always did. I still love my friends and I still love Damon even though I'm mad at him. The one thing that has changed though, is that now I know that everything I've been feeling for Elijah is completely founded and rooted in truth, not magic. The spark that his touch always sent thought me wasn't Fiona's spell, it was what I felt before I had her cast it. Her spell just made it so that we would always be able to feel and find each other. Knowing that what I feel for Elijah is real… scares the shit out of me. I hated Damon for loving me and Katherine at the same time. Now I'm no better. It feels like my heart is a hunk of metal stuck between two high powered magnets labeled Elijah and Damon. It's ripping me apart. I know Elijah is dead and I could just manipulate my way into the boarding house and pull that dagger from his chest, but a part of me wonders if Elijah and I would even make it in this day and age. Back then I was just a lonely housewife with a son to raise. Now I'm a vampire caught in the middle of this business with Klaus trying to kill Elena to unlock his werewolf side. I don't know how strong my relationship with Elijah would be, but I know how strong mine and Damon's could be if he would just stop lying to me...and if I could let go of Elijah."

She had put down her pen and was closing the book when she heard a knock on the door. So she threw on a robe over the comfortable clothes she had put on when she got home from school and headed down stairs. When she pulled the door open the faces of her three friends came into view. Caroline held a small pink igloo cooler with a handle out to her. "I raided Damon's stash for you."

"You're awesome." Katie laughed and took the cooler from her.

"Get dressed." Elena told her with a wrinkled nose look at the old robe she was wearing.

"We're haveing a girls night at Elena's." Bonnie added as Katie stepped aside and let the girls inside.

"We thought about having it here, no adult supervision and all, but we assumed you wouldn't have any real food in the house." Elena told her as she went into the kitchen that could be seen from the living room and opened the pantry revealing a bunch of empty shelves and a few canned goods. "Just as we thought. Plus we want to catch Aunt Jenna and real her in for some cheering up."

Katie scratched the back of her head and frowned. "No." Caroline told her with her finger pointed at Katie. "Don't try to back out of this. You have been mopey all week because of Damon and Elijah and we are not going to sit back and watch you spiral."

Katie deadpanned at her. "I'm not spiraling."

"Really?" Bonnie asked. "It's three in the afternoon and you're wearing pajamas."

"Go… get dressed." Caroline barked and pointed to the stairs. Katie rolled her eyes but obeyed. "And put on some make up!" she shook her head.

"Remind me why I let you boss me around all the time?" Katie asked from upstairs.

"Because if I didn't you would be a hopeless mess." Caroline answered then Katie heard Elena ask who she was talking to.

"Thanks for the pep talk." Katie mumbled clearly not thankful.

"Hey, you asked I answered." Caroline replied making Katie laugh.

"So are you ever going to talk about it?" Caroline asked Katie as they stood in Elena's kitchen pouring chips into bowls.

"About what?" Katie asked playing stupid.

"The fact that you're in love with two guys, one of which is a very old original vampire." Caroline said with a smirk, not looking at Katie.

"I have talked about it and I'm over it." Katie answered as she wadded up the chip bag and put it in the trash can.

"You're over it?" Caroline asked with a confused shake of her head. "You don't just get over something like that Katie."

"Can we please just…not talk about Elijah? He's dead, for all intents and purposes, and that chapter of my life is over." Katie answered getting aggravated with her friend.

"So what about Damon, are you still mad at him?" Caroline asked still prying.

Katie let out a stressed sigh and placed her hands on the counter top. "Because I know you won't stop prying until you get some kind of answer I will tell you that I don't know. I haven't spoken to him since that disaster of a dinner party."

"Don't you think you owe it to him to hear him out?" Caroline asked making Katie frown because she was right. Thankfully Elena and Bonnie walked into the kitchen saving Katie from the conversation. "So, Chinese food or pizza?" Caroline asked.

"Like you have to ask." Elena answered as she grabbed one of the bowls of chips.

"I will look it up." Caroline said as she grabbed her tablet and started to search for the nearest pizza place, but she stopped when she saw the picture of her and Matt from founder's day that was her background picture.

"I'll do it." Bonnie stepped in and gingerly took the tablet from Caroline.

"Do you believe that Jonas is being sincere?" Elena asked Bonnie as she set some cups out on the counter.

"I don't know what to believe. I think he's at a loss…not sure who to trust." Bonnie answered.

"Join the club." Elena sighed and Katie nodded.

"Well what are we going to do about this movie situation?" Caroline asked to change the subject. "What about the notebook?"

"Caroline, how many times have you seen that movie?" Elena asked making the other girls laugh.

"That is so not the point." Caroline argued.

"Well, yeah I mean…" Elena trailed off when Aunt Jenna walked into the room. "Hey…" she drew out the word awkwardly.

"What's going on?" Jenna asked as she set down the coat that she'd had over her arm.

"Girls night." Elena answered as she sat down in one of the bar stools.

"More like a pity party. We've all pretty much had a crap week." Katie elaborated.

"You've all heard about my fight with Rick." Jenna observed.

"He feels terrible." Elena told her.

"Is this some sort of disguised attempt to cheer me up?" Jenna asked.

"No," Elena answered, "this is about us girls hanging out and you know…we'll be here if you happen to want to talk or…"

"Because I am a winner at successful relationships." Caroline chipped in. Jenna and Caroline started talking about rather or not Alaric should tell Jenna about his past with Isobel. When things fell awkwardly quiet between them Caroline broke it. "You know what we need?" they all just looked at her. "Dancing. There is a band at the grill." She looked at her friends for their thoughts.

They all said they were in then looked at Katie. "When was the last time you let lose and had real fun?" Bonnie asked.

"Fine. I'm in." Katie answered with a roll of her eyes.

Katie was sitting at a table that her friends stood around, talking to Caroline about her situation with Matt, when Caroline took off her jacket and headed up on stage where the band had finished up a song. "Caroline can sing?" Katie asked Bonnie and Elena when Caroline said that she was going to sing. Bonnie and Elena watched as Caroline compelled the band to let her sing. "Whoa, she's really good." As Katie watched Caroline laying it all out on the table for Matt all she could think about was Damon and Elijah. Feeling on the verge of a panic attack Katie whooshed outside unseen by anyone.

She had been bottling it up, not really letting anyone know how screwed up she felt inside. While she had been angry at Damon for his lies and secrets and angry at Elijah for doing this to her she hadn't let herself feel the grief of losing Elijah or feel the hurt of Damon's actions. It all came out a wave of tears as she pressed her back against the side of the building in the ally way. She was so wrapped up in her grief that it took a minute for the screams coming from the building to register. She was on her way to the back entrance since people were pouring out of the front one when she heard Elena calling her name. Not knowing what was going on she sped over to where she heard Elena to see that she was with Damon. "What's going on?"

"I'll explain later." Damon told her and she just looked back and forth between him and Elena.

"Jonas is in there and he's after me." Elena told her so Katie nodded.

"What can I do to help?" Katie asked Damon with wide eyes.

"Jonas doesn't know Elena's out here with me. Katherine's in there pretending to be her. You need to get in there and make sure he stays off our trail." He told her in a rush.

"Will do." Katie nodded then ran into the building to find sparks flying off of the busted stage lights and the bar was on fire.

"Matt no!" Caroline's scream caught Katie's attention and she whooshed over to see that Jonas had stabbed him in the neck with a broken bottle. She didn't bother stopping Jonas when he ran out of the bar. Instead she went to Matt's side across from Caroline. "Caroline look at me." Caroline looked up from her hand that was pressed to Matt's neck showing the veins that were popping under her reddening eyes that mirrored her own. "Breathe. Can you do it or do I need to?"

"I can do it." she nodded so Katie jerked her head down to Matt. Caroline made a pained sound as she bit her wrist then pressed it to Matt's lips. "I've got him."

"Are you sure?" Katie asked with wide eyes and Caroline nodded as the veins disappeared. "I'm going to go make sure the building's clear."

"No, the fire's getting too big. We both need to leave now." Caroline stopped her as she picked Matt up from the ground.

"Fine, then let's get out of here." Katie said with a wave to the door

After Elena and Katherine were switched back and things calmed down, Elena texted Katie letting her know that Jonas was dead leaving Bonnie without her powers. Katie had gone home, but after thinking about it for a few minutes she decided she could no longer suffer in silence.

So with a deep breath she threw her cell phone into her shoulder bag and headed to the boarding house. She didn't bother knocking and let herself in to find Damon's bedroom door open. Katherine, wearing a black negligee and an open black robe was laying on the bed with Damon. Katie watched as Katherine crawled up Damon like a seductress out of a romance novel. Damon grabbed her face as she was attempting to kiss him and a jealous green bubble grew in the pit of Katie's stomach. "Katherine, there are six other bedrooms in this house. Go find one." he shoved her face, throwing her off of him.

Damon was about to return to the book he was reading, but his eyes found Katie as she walked into the room glaring at Katherine. "Get out."

"I turn you, and save your friend and that's the thanks I get?" Katherine asked as she slid off the bed with a cocky look on her face then crossed her arms.

Katie hadn't seen Katherine since she killed her and the anger that welled up in her was almost over whelming. But she decided to be the bigger woman and walked over to her with murderous eyes. "Okay." Katie put on a fake smile as she said, "Thank you for playing a game of switch-a-roo with Elena tonight." She let her smile fall and went back to glaring at her. "But no matter how many good deeds you do you will always be the manipulative, skeezy bitch who took my human life and killed my unborn child." Katherine cocked her head to the side as she glared back at Katie as if she were about to rip her head off. "Now get…out."

"You're lucky I like you." Katherine told her as she pointed at her then dropped her hand as she walked out of the room.

"I like jealous Katie." Damon told her as he set the book to the side and sat up.

"Do you have any idea how hard it was to not break her freaking neck?" she asked making a twisting flick motion with her hands as she walked over then flopped down on her back across the foot of his bed.

"I'd pay to see that." He commented making Katie smirk over at him, but she remembered that she was still mad at him and turned her eyes to the ceiling. "You still mad at me?" he asked, his face turning serious.

"I don't know. You kept your plan to kill Elijah a secret from me, flat out lied to me, and in doing so caused Elijah to do exactly what he warned you he would do if you crossed him. Now the first, first love is laying in your basement with a dagger in his chest and my second first love hurt me so bad that it took my friend being in danger to even be able to look at him." she looked over at him to see him frowning with wide eyes. "What do you think?"

His eyes turned apologetic. "I'm sorry." Katie pursed her lips and pulled them to the side. "I knew if I told you about the dagger you'd try to stop me from using it."

"But you didn't know that." Katie sat up and leaned back against the sturdy footboard. "You once again just… assumed, that I would react a certain way and you once again assumed wrong."

"So you wouldn't have tried to stop me from killing Elijah?" he asked doubtfully as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Before that failure of a dinner party?" she asked as she bent her knee up and rested her am on it. "No."

"And now that you have Hannah's memories?" he asked.

She dropped her eyes to the plush comforter and started picking at her cuticles, something she noticed she never did as Hannah. "Now I want to go down to that basement, pull the dagger out of him and kiss him." she looked up at him, fighting her emotions that were so much more powerful now than they were when she was human. She bit her lip and shrugged not knowing what else to say.

"So what's stopping you?" he asked with a frown and a glance at the door.

"You." she answered and her voice didn't waver, but Damon saw tears pooling in her eyes. "I heard Elijah when he told you that I'd forget all about you if he gave me my memories back. Obviously that's not true…" She looked back down at her hands and started picking at a lose string in the stitching of the comforter, "Because I'm here."

"But?" he asked and she looked up at him to see that he looked worried about what was about to come out of her mouth.

"But you and I…" she bit her lips closed and shook her head as she shrugged, "We seem to be in this cycle of I trust you…you break it, I forgive you and for about two seconds we're happy then something happens and you break my trust again. I realize that's over simplifying it and leaving out the elephant size mistake I made with Elijah, but…we are going to have to be a team, on the same page 24/7 or kiss our relationship goodbye."

"Fine, then lets get on the same page." He told her as he slid from the bed and headed for the door. "I'll go first."

"Where are you going?" she asked not moving from the bed.

"I need a drink." He answered as if it was obvious. "You comin'?"

"Yep." She hopped off the bed and followed him to the study. He poured two glasses of bourbon then handed her one. Her eyes slid shut at the taste of the amber liquid and when she opened them as she swallowed she saw Damon smirking at her. "What?"

"Have I turned you into a bourbon girl?" he asked with a look at her glass.

"Maybe." She answered coyly with a look down at her glass then back up at him. "You said you'd go first."

He had opened his mouth to say something when Katherine walked in and between them to the table of decanters they stood at. "Don't let me interrupt." She sighed as she started picking through the crystal containers. Katie gritted her teeth and looked at Damon agitatedly. He jerked his head back toward his room. Katie grabbed the decanter of bourbon out of Katherine's hand. "Um, hello." She complained as Katie walked around her.

"Um, goodbye." Katie mocked her tone. As they headed back to Damon's room Katie refilled her glass then handed the decanter to him and made herself comfortable on his bed with her back leaned against the headboard and her bare feet crossed at the ankles. "Now…shoot."

"I didn't just want Elijah dead because of the whole Elena sacrifice thing. I wanted him dead because you wanted him." he told her then took a drink.

"I told you that I didn't want him." she argued.

"And we both know that was a load of bull." He argued back making her looked down at her drink. "If you didn't want him you wouldn't have kissed him."

"So when I called you and you said that you weren't mad at me for kissing him and that you understood because you'd made mistakes too…what was that? Lie number one?" she asked with creased brows.

"No I was never mad at you. I was mad at him for having so much control over you with his stupid linking spell." He told her and she looked down at the glass in her hands that rested on her outstretched legs. "John came by after you left for the sleepover and gave me the dagger and I knew what I had to do to get you out from under his spell." He kept blaming the fact that she and Elijah were linked on Elijah.

"Damon…there's something you need to know about the linking spell." She started, staring at her drink then paused to finish it. She looked up at him as she swallowed. "Elijah isn't the one that had Fiona do the spell…I did it. He didn't know that we worked the spell until Klaus killed me. If he did know he never said anything to me about it." she slipped from the bed and refilled her glass. "So, you still not mad at me?" she asked as she walked back over to the bed but didn't sit down.

"I don't know." He answered with a far off look him his eyes. She gave him a few minutes to think about it, but when he never said anything she walked over to where the decanter was sitting on his dresser and put her glass down next to it. she was reaching for the doorknob when he whooshed over, wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her into him. "I am not going to lose you because of a decision you made over a hundred years ago." He told her with a stubborn look on his face as he stared into her green eyes. "You're not walking out of this room until we are back in a good place and I've heard the words I forgive you come out of your mouth."

"You think we can accomplish that in one night?" she asked knowing it was already really late.

"Yep." He nodded and let her go.

"Okay." She grabbed her glass and took a drink. "Then I'll tell you that I'm sorry I didn't tell you exactly how much of an affect Elijah had on me before the whole…he and I making out behind a building thing."

"You said you kissed him not made out with him." he pointed at her with the hand that held his glass. "Which one was it?"

"Now you're just trying to torture us." Katie complained but Damon just rolled his eyes and gave her a look that told her to answer the question. "Fine if you want to know specifics…" she set her glass on the dresser and pressed her back against the wall and motioned him over with her finger.

He walked over with a smirk on his face that showed off one side of his smile lines. "What are you doing?"

"Answering you question." She said with a shrug as she grabbed his shirt and pulled him into her. "In a way that'll make it a little easier to swallow, so to speak." Without warning she grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him into her kissing him with the same genuine hunger she had felt when kissing Elijah. After making out with him for a few seconds she jumped and his hands that were already holding her by her hips pressed her harder into the wall holding her up as she wrapped her legs around him. She tilted her head to the side giving him the subtle hint that she wanted him to kiss her neck. He took it and kissed down her jaw line to her neck. If Damon had been wearing a button up shirt she would've started unbuttoning it, but he was wearing a black t-shirt. So instead she grabbed it and pulled it over his head. She took her hands off of him and moved her arms out to the side, pressing her palms into the cold wall behind her. "This is when I stopped him, but you are more than welcome to keep going." She whispered as the bourbon and lust mixed together to create a fun cocktail within her bloodstream.

"You're drunk." He told her between kisses.

"I'm tipsy and I've missed you." She confessed as she slid her hands up his torso then held the sides of his neck. "Going a week without sex as a vampire is excruciating."

"We're getting off topic." He sing songed as he slid his hand down to hold her thighs making her sigh from his touch.

"Or did we find a better one?" She countered and he growled as he stepped back and let her go. "Damon." She drug out his name with whine as she watched him walk over to the bed and flop back on it, laying across the middle of it.

"You made out with him..." he complained.

"And I'm sorry." She told him as she walked over and sat down on the bed next to him. "If it makes you feel any better I hated how out of control and not myself I felt when it was happening." She told him with a hopeful tone and a cringe of a smile. He just cut his eyes over at her. "Oh and I didn't take his shirt off. I just undid a few buttons." She added.

"It doesn't." he told her then turned his eyes to the ceiling.

"Of course it doesn't." she sighed and fell back with her head at the head of the bad and her legs draped over his hips.

"We can't trust each other." He said still looking up at the ceiling with a frown on his face.

"No we can't," she replied looking up at the ceiling as she crossed her arms over her chest. "but I want to." Neither of them said anything and thanks to the fact that she had abandoned her bourbon glass she was starting to sober up and she figured he was too. She thought about why Damon killed Elijah and kept the dagger a secret from her. It was selfish of him, killing Elijah so he could keep her for himself, but she was also being selfish for wanting Elijah to stay daggered so that she could be with Damon with out the linking spell constantly putting stress on their relationship. "I forgive you."

Damon looked over at her with furrowed brows. "What?"

"I forgive you." she repeated herself.

"Are you just saying that so you can leave?" he asked and she shook her head.

"No." she told him with a small shake of her head. "And I hope you will one day forgive me for what I'm about to say." Damon sat up and looked at her with wide worried eyes. "This link…will always be there. Even if we get back together…somebody is bound to pull that dagger out and when they do the switch will get flipped and once again old feelings will resurface and we'll just end up right back where we are right now."

"So you're just gonna give up on us?" he asked with a frown.

"No…I'm saving you from a lifetime of misery…from always wondering if I'm going to be drawn back to him." she argued then slid from the bed and headed for the door.

He whooshed in front of her. "Not happening."

"Damon." She sighed and dropped her eyes to the floor.

"We're stronger than any magic link will ever be and I refuse to let you walk of that door." He did his eye thing with a flick of his brows as he said the word refuse.

"So what?" she asked with a shrug of her shoulders. "We just forgive each other, get back together and pretend that we trust each other?"

"No. We get back together and learn to trust each other." he told her with eyes that bore into hers. "Because I'll be damned if I'm going to lose this." He grabbed the back of her head and pressed his lips to hers, catching her bottom lip between his.

She knew it would be pointless to try to walk away from Damon. No matter how dysfunctional they were, they kept ending up together. So she jumped and wrapped her legs around him. He held her face in his hands, kissing her as he carried her over to his bed and laid her down.

"So did I miss anything in my week of moping?" Katie asked from where she laid under the comforter with her head on Damon's shoulder.

"We figured out how Elijah and his witch buddies were planning on killing Klaus." He answered and Katie rolled onto her stomach and propped her head up with her elbows and hands to look at him. "He was looking for where a bunch of witches were burned. If he found it he was going to have Jonas absorb all the power they left behind and take Klaus down while he was weak."

"Do we know where they were burned?" she asked curiously.

He nodded his head yes, but sighed and said, "nope." He grabbed his phone out of his pants on the floor and typed a message. "I found in a Gilbert journal that Emily was burned where those witches were burned. I know where Emily was burned."

"Well that sucks." Katie sighed and rolled back over, playing along because Katherine was probably listening in.

"Yep."

A/N: As always reviews, follows and favorites are welcome and encouraged.