Chapter Nineteen: Courtship Revisited

This story had been rather angsty lately, so here's some fluff and sweetness for you :)

Fili rode the rest of the day in silence, his expression distant. He would answer when spoken to, but kept his answers short and simple. Kili did his best to warn off most of them and eventually the rest of the group seemed to realize that he needed some space. They stopped early that night and set up camp. Fili sat apart from the rest of them, lost in thought.

Kili tried to bring him dinner but Fili turned him away. His heart was aching and his thoughts were spinning rapidly. He had gone over his memories and dreams again and again. Everything seemed to indicate that they were growing closer, had he somehow mistaken it? He couldn't see how, every sign had pointed to a closeness between them, a growing affection and attraction. The pain of the rejection by his One was overwhelming.

Finally, he forced himself to go to sleep. Maybe his dreams would hold the answers.

After a hearty dinner, Bella made her way to the den and settled before the roaring fire. She tucked her mother's favorite shawl around her shoulder, absently wishing that her mother was there so that she could talk to her, ask her advice about how to move on. However, her mother had always taught her to cherish love, whether it lasted for only a season or for a life time. However, her parents had both only loved one person, having fallen hard even though it had taken her father a while to persuade her mother to take a chance on him. They had been madly in love and quite happy, even through the ups and downs of life.

Carefully sketching the bouquet that Fili had offered her, she couldn't help but smile. It looked like she had taken after both of her parents. She knew that Fili was it for her. If he never regained his memories of her, she would live the rest of her life alone. The thought didn't sadden her like it had before the quest. She had known what true love was and she wasn't willing to settle for anything less. And she was ok with that.

Bella had tossed and turned most of the night, unable to sleep, her thoughts whirling through her mind. She had never thought that Fili might be coming to care for her like she had come to care for him. Never in her wildest dreams had she thought that she would ever catch the eye of someone like him. It didn't even matter that he was a prince, well, it did but it didn't. No, he was a brave, strong, handsome man that cared deeply for others and would do anything for those he cared for. He had a great sense of humor and he listened, truly listened, to her when she spoke.

She tried to push it out of her mind, but every time she almost succeeded, his face would flash through her mind as she handed him back the bouquet. He had looked lost, so lost in that moment. And his eyes. They said that the eyes are the window to the soul. And from the look in his eyes, she had just managed to singlehandedly break his heart. But this was for the best. She was not what he needed, even if he thought that he did.

She finally gave up on sleeping shortly after dawn. After listening closely at the door, she decided that none of the dwarves were awake. She slipped out of her room, using all of her stealth. The sound of steady snoring reached her ears and she used it to calm herself and even out her heart beat. She slipped into the sew room and grabbed the outfits that they had cut out but not started sewing the night before. Bundling them and the sewing supplies that she needed, she made her way silently into the main room. There, she froze against the wall as she studied the still figures strewn across the room. When none of them stirred, she tiptoed across the room, holding her breath until she made it out the door.

Once outside, she let out a quiet exhale. She'd been certain that any moment one of them would stir and demand to know where she was off to. She didn't know, except for away. Away where she could work and where Fili's eyes might stop haunting her for a little bit. Standing in the early morning sunlight, she took a deep breath, then another. Gradually her pounding heart calmed down and she started walking.

She wanted, no needed, to be alone for a little while. The company meant well, but she needed time and space to come to terms with what had happened and how she was going to move forward, how she was going to salvage her friendship with Fili. That left the stables out, as the animals would all be in there. The house was also out because the company would probably spend most of the day indoors, repairing their gear, either there or in the yard directly outside. The garden was definitely out, for obvious reasons. She wanted to stay near the house so she could hear if they called for her but not so close that they could see her easily. That left her with one of the nearby fields as her best bet.

She ended making her way to the clover field, going about halfway into in and sitting down. As with everything else in this area, the clover was unnaturally large and when she sat, it came up over her head. She let out a sigh of relief, settling herself more comfortably. With the sewing, at least her hands would be busy, which had always helped her to think when she was trying to sort out a difficult problem.

It was mid-morning when Kili approached her. She tensed when she realized that he had found her. However, he didn't say a word, just sat down next to her and offered her a cup of coffee. Setting her sewing down on her lap, she hesitantly took the coffee. When she took a small sip, he reached into his jacket and pulled out a napkin, passing it to her. When she unwrapped it, she found several sweet rolls. She looked at him curiously.

He said quietly, "You missed breakfast."

She nodded her thanks and nibbled on one of the rolls. She offered them wordlessly to him, but he shook his head. She managed to eat two and half of a third before her stomach refused to accept any more. Draining the last of the coffee, she handed the mug back to him. He took it and held it for a moment before setting it aside. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, resting his chin on it, and just watched her.

She picked up her sewing, trying to avoid his gaze. She wasn't used to seeing the young archer so serious, no laughter in his dark eyes. He finally said, his voice low, "What's going on, Bella? Talk to me. Please."

She sighed, "Kili, I don't."

He cut her off, "Fili told me that you turned him down. I'm not judging you for that. However, Fili is hurting right now. And from what I've learned of you over the time we've traveled together, I believe that you are too. You don't have to shoulder this burden alone, let me help you. Talk to me."

Her hand fisted in the shirt she was sewing and she said softly, "You should be with Fili, not with me."

"No, I'm where I'm supposed to be. Fili understands that too. He really does care for you, you make him happy. But more than anything he wants you to be happy. So talk to me, tell me what's troubling you."

His sincerity broke down her walls and she found the words just escaping her. "It would never work. Fili and I, we would never work. There's too much that separates us. I know that he's hurting right now and so am I, but it's for the best."

"Best for who, Bella? What's holding you back?"

She sucked in a deep breath, "There are several reasons, Kili. We come from different worlds, your brother has responsibilities. I won't tie him to me, not when he has so much life ahead of him."

Kili's eyes lightened with understanding and he nodded. "I know that you have your reasons but you need to talk to Fili. At least let him know why. He won't hold it against you. I promise you that."

He shifted his gaze to over her shoulder. She turned her head, but she already knew what she'd see. Sure enough, Fili was standing there, a pleading expression on his face. She looked away, back down at the sewing in her lap.

Kili said quietly, "If you're really not ready to talk, he'll go. But I think that you two need to talk before this starts to fester."

She could see the rational in that, so she nodded quietly and motioned for Fili to sit down. The blond prince did as she said, moving slowly forward until he was in front of her. He sat down hesitantly and faced her, his movements unsure. Kili stood up, ignoring her pleading expression. "I'll keep the others away. And Bella?" He waited until she met his eyes. "Any time you want to stop, just say so. You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

She nodded her thanks before breaking eye contact with him. Kili rested his hand on Fili's shoulder briefly before heading back to the house. Bella contemplated getting up and running after him. However, she knew that he was right and it was better to face this matter head on. She also played with the idea of hiding behind her work but knew that she needed to focus completely on the conversation. Fili deserved at least that much from her. With that in mind, she gathered up all of her sewing and set it neatly aside.

Finally, she could stall no more. Taking a deep breath, she looked up and met his eyes. His eyes were wary, his shoulders hunched slightly inward. He looked as if he had gotten as much sleep as she had. Her heart went out to him and she found herself softening. She managed to dredge up a small smile. "Rough night?" He looked down briefly before meeting her gaze again. She whispered, "I'm sorry, Fili."

He sighed and spoke, his voice low, "I'm sorry too, I never meant to pressure you."

She shook her head, "You didn't pressure me, never believe that, Fili."

His expression was determined and he ran a hand through his hair as he tried to chose his words carefully. Swallowing hard, he said, "You said no and I respect that. But I want to know why, Bella. Why do you believe that we wouldn't work. I want to discuss the reasons both for and against a relationship between us. At the end, if you're still against courtship, I won't bring it up again. But I want to know what you're thinking, what you're feeling. And I want you to know the same for me."

She took a deep breath, steeling herself. "Very well, you deserve at least that much."

Gratitude washed over his face and he settled himself more comfortably on the ground. She waited for him to go first. His first question was one that she didn't anticipate. "Did I imagine that there might be something more between us? Is there someone waiting for you in the Shire?"

She blinked slowly, having to take a moment to process the question. Feeling her cheeks heat slightly, she said, "No, it's true that I have come to, care deeply for you. But I never imagined that you might return them. As far as anyone waiting for me in the Shire, there's no one." She hated herself for asking but couldn't stop herself. "What about you? Anyone waiting for you back in Ered Luin?"

The tension in his shoulders had eased when she admitted that there was no one waiting for her. He shook his head, "No, there's no one. I wouldn't offer courtship if there were."

She grimaced, "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

He offered her a half smile, "It's all right. I have nothing to hide. Your turn."

She wanted to play dumb but knew that she couldn't do it. So she started off with the most obvious obstacle, "You're a dwarf, I'm a hobbit."

He shook his head, "There's nothing taboo about a relationship between hobbits and dwarves. Also, Mahal who is our maker is the one that you call Aule."

Her eyes widened at this news. "Your maker is the Smith? The Lady Yavanna's husband?"

He nodded, "If our makers live happily as husband and wife, why shouldn't their children?"

She gestured for him to ask his next question. He thought it over for a minute before asking, "Did I say something wrong with the bouquet?"

Bella shook her head, "It was a beautiful bouquet, I couldn't have asked for a better one. But this won't work out between us. You're a prince, you have a duty to your people. What would your people think of a hobbit as queen?"

He gazed at her, "It's true that I'm the crown prince and heir to the throne. But no one has the right to dictate whom I pursue a relationship with. To get between a dwarf and the one that he wishes to court is one of the deepest taboos of our race. Besides, there are a lot of other things that might happen before I even become king. Thorin might marry and have children, we could fail to reclaim Erebor, any other number of things. If it's one thing that we've learned since Smaug came, nothing in the future is ever certain."

She flinched at the thought of the quest failing or any of the other things that he had mentioned. She said, "Is it even a good idea to try a pursue a relationship with Smaug looming over us?"

He reached out and gently took her hand and she let him. "Every day is a gift. If the worst should happen, I would rather spend as much time as possible with you rather than shy away for fear of the future. I want to take a chance on us, see where it goes."

She studied his face, frowning slightly, "Why me, Fili? You are brave, strong, handsome. You are deeply loyal, have a core of honor that is pure mithril, a born leader. I am a spinster with no prospects, the only suitors I've had have only wanted to court me for my money, Bag End, or my family name. I know that I am no beauty by dwarven standards, bootless and beardless as I am. I'm barely passably pretty by hobbit standards. I'm too adventurous for a Baggins, too staid for a Took. You could have your pick of women. So why me?"

He frowned but his eyes were tender. "Oh Bella, who has been feeding you such lies? You are so much more than you believe. You have more heart than anyone I know. You left your home and everything behind to help thirteen total strangers. You are brave. Look at how you faced down the trolls in order to buy us time or how you faced Lord Elrond in Rivendell. How you stepped between Thorin and Azog. You are caring. You spend time with each and every one of the company, making sure that we are ok. You learned iglishmek for Bifur, cook with Bombur, listen to Gloin, stand watch with Dwalin, and many more things besides. You are bafflingly forgiving. The first night we met, after the stone giants, on top of Carrock. When we talk, you listen, you really listen and I feel like you truly see me. As for looks."

He reached out, his fingers just barely brushing over her hair, "Your hair is the envy of any dwarf, curls of spun bronze and gold with hints of fire." He traced a fingertip under her eye, "Eyes that shimmer and shine like the finest of emeralds and that show so many emotions." He cupped her cheek and rubbed his thumb over her cheekbone. "You may not have a beard, but when you're excited, angry, or embarrassed, your cheeks shine with rubies."

She could feel her cheeks heating up under his warm gaze and she protested softly, "Fili."

He smiled at her, "Yes, those are the rubies that I'm talking about. If you're this embarrassed, I won't continue on about your lips, your singing, or your dancing. I even find your feet adorable with their tiny, fuzzy curls."

She protested louder this time, "Fili!"

This caused him to grin cheekily, "All right, I'll behave. What else?"

She sighed, circling around to the true reason behind her reluctance, although all of her protests had been valid. Reaching up, she pulled his hand from her cheek and cradled it gently in both of hers. "Fili, I'm a hobbit, you're a dwarf."

His expression turned puzzled, "I thought that we had already covered this?"

"You're not understanding what I'm saying. Hobbits have a much shorter life span than dwarves. If we're lucky, we live to a hundred, a hundred and twenty at most. You're still a young dwarf. I don't want you to live nearly half of your life alone."

He brought his other hand up and shifted their hands so that hers were cradled in his. "I don't care. I just want to be with you. Besides, I could die and you could live. As I said earlier, the future is not promised to us. All I know is that I want to spend whatever future I have with you. Please, Bella, take a chance on me, a chance on us. I will do my best to make sure that you are always happy and well cared for. I will protect you, keep you safe. Just take a chance and trust in us."

Her heart melted at the sincerity and warmth in his gaze. He was right, anything could happen in their future. Why not take a chance on happiness? She offered him a tremulous smile, "All right. I accept your offer of courtship."

His heart in his eyes, he brought her hand up and kissed her knuckles tenderly. He breathed, "You won't regret this, I promise."

A thought suddenly occurred to her, "What about Thorin?"

He absently ran his thumb back and forth over her knuckles, "What about Thorin?"

"Despite recent events, I get the feeling that he doesn't like me very much."

"Uncle has a heavy burden on his shoulders. It's not that he doesn't like you, he's just worried about you." She started to speak but he continued. "However, if it makes you feel better, I spoke with him about how I was planning on offering you courtship and he gave me his blessing."

She relaxed at hearing that. She asked curiously, "So how do we go about courtship?"

He said thoughtfully, "How do hobbits court?"

She shrugged, "Well, they offer a bouquet to initiate courtship. After that, the couple will go on walks and talk to get to know one another. They will also share meals to show off their culinary skill and show how he can provide for her." She offered him a shy smile, "You could almost say that we've already been doing that on the journey so far. When I gave you the blackberries the other day, it could be construed as a courting offer. And by offering me a berry back, you were saying that you returned the interest."

His eyes lit up at that, "So that's why you were blushing. I did wonder about that. So we've covered hobbit courting, that's good. For dwarves, we usually initiate courtship with a gift that shows how we see the one that we wish to court."

It was her turn to interrupt, "In that case, I would definitely count the bouquet. It was both thoughtful and beautiful. After that?"

He gestured at their hair, "Next I'll braid in a braid in both of our hair to show our status as a courting couple. Over the next several months, it's my duty to prove to you that I can protect and provide for you and any children that we might have. We would also go on strolls to get to know each other. I would also make you several gifts as examples of my craft. If, after several months of this, I have proven myself to you and your family, then we can start moving on to betrothal talks."

She held up a hand, feeling a little overwhelmed, "Let's just stick with courting and see where that takes us. What else?"

"It allows us a few more liberties. We can groom each other's beard and braids, hold hands, and occasionally if we're very lucky and can escape our chaperones, I can steal a chaste kiss or two." He winked roguishly at her and she laughed.

She teased, "I can see that I'm going to have to be on my guard against you." He pouted at that and she laughed again. "All right, go ahead and do our braids. Then we had better head back and let the others know. They're nosier than hobbits, I swear. Also, I'm starving and it's nearly lunch time."

He pressed another kiss to the back of her hand and murmured, "As my lady commands."

Bella smiled as she set her pen aside, a mixture of happiness and sadness welling up inside her. She had been worried about so many things. Fili had been right to seize the moment. She could've never predicted the way that things would actually end up turning out. However, she was glad that he had fought for their relationship, fought for her. This time was one of the happiest in her life and she would cherish it until she passed on to the gardens.

Rising to make her way to bed, she sent a silent prayer to Yavanna to watch over Fili wherever he was. Even though time, distance, and circumstances had separated them, she was glad that he had talked her into changing her mind. Glad that he had convinced her to take a chance on them.

Fili woke up and stared at the stars above him, relief flooding through him. Bella hadn't rejected him after all, she was trying to protect him in her own way. However, his words were as true now as they had been then. He'd rather spend as much time with her as he could then waste their future on fears of what if. Besides, the worst had already happened. Somehow, somewhere, he had lost her. He still didn't know how or why, but the latest dream had given him hope.

His stomach chose that moment to grumble its hunger. He sighed but rose to dig some jerky out of his pack. Kili happened to be on watch and he made his way over. He frowned and asked, "Bad dream, Fee?"

Fili shook his head, "No, another soul one."

Kili asked hesitantly, "Did she explain why she turned you down?"

Fili smiled softly, "We talked. She was scared, Kee, and trying to protect me in the best way that she could. She didn't understand that when a dwarf falls in love, he falls fiercely. After we talked, I could see that she was still uncertain, but she agreed to court me. It gives me hope."

Kili let out a relieved sigh and gently squeezed his brother's shoulder. "That's good news. Try to get some sleep, you have the last watch." He turned and made his way back to his lookout spot.

Fili quickly ate enough to quiet his stomach before making his way back to his bedroll. If he was lucky, he might get another glimpse of her before it was his turn to take watch. A dwarf could hope anyway.

Notes:

Next chapter - Beorn returns, routes are planned, and Bella decides that she really, really doesn't like spooky forests.