Part Sixteen
Adrian pulled himself into a passable facsimile of normalcy by the time Trevor and Sypha made it up the stairs and opened the door. They both eyed him with concern and Trevor put a hand on his arm and caught his eyes for a long moment, but said nothing of the drying tear tracks on his cheeks or the way he was gripping the wall like it was a lifeline. He was grateful for that. He didn't want to bring attention to his tenuous grasp on himself. The flashback had been disturbingly intense; it was deeply unsettling to know he could be overwhelmed by panic to the point of barely recognizing where he was. He sincerely hoped it didn't happen again.
Sypha opened the door and they were greeted with the blissfully fresh nighttime air. The storm had passed, leaving the world wet and humid, but clear. It was unseasonably warm and the moon was even brighter tonight than it had been yesterday. It's reflection shimmered in the puddles all around them. Insects and frogs were especially raucous and as before, the open night was the best possible thing to soothe Adrian's nerves.
Within a few minutes of being outside he was able to clear his mind of the incident, thinking instead about finding something to fill out their paltry food stores. He looked around, trying to get his bearings from this less familiar starting point.
Trevor led them to the ruined gardens where they began to comb over the weeds in search of something edible. The hunter proved surprisingly adept at picking out what was useful.
"I didn't realize you were so skilled at foraging," Adrian commented when Trevor honed in on some scraggly leaves which tuned out to have a rather delicious looking carrot attached to them. It was the third decent find in as many minutes. It was easy for Adrian; he knew all about plants. He could see in the dark as well as smell what he was looking for from far away. For Trevor to find the same things by moonlight was impressive.
The hunter shrugged. "I've been a drifter for twelve years… I will literally eat anything that can't outrun me. Its good to know which shit will poison me. I gave up on mushrooms though. They all look the same." He tossed the muddy carrot in with the other bits that they'd already collected and kept looking. The hunter was hanging near him, glancing at him here and there when he thought Adrian wouldn't notice.
Sypha was also watching him surreptitiously, but for a different reason. He knew she was still thinking about their discussion. So was he. Slight slip of control aside, he was enormously curious about what it would be like to taste her, and he was working diligently to keep himself from getting carried away thinking about it. He was also feeling especially ravenous now that the panic had settled. After the possibility of drinking blood – real blood – had presented itself, he found the idea of anything else decidedly less appetizing. He had fed heavily only the day before, yet he was noticing signs of thirst – like his throat feeling oddly dry, and a twinge in his fangs that went right into his head – which normally would not be present unless he'd gone for quite some time without any blood at all. He was beginning to wonder if denying himself for so long may have worked against him in the long run; he was completely at a loss for what to expect from the experience. Something told him it would be very different with a willing partner than it had been to bite some starved slave who was so thoroughly compelled that they barely noticed what was happening. Sypha's words kept playing in his head, over and over: I want you to drink my blood. I'm offering willingly. He still didn't quite believe it.
He found himself staring at her, preoccupied by the cadence of her heart when Trevor loudly cleared his throat.
"Earth to Vampire Jesus, anyone home?"
He started, looking at the hunter in surprise. Trevor was standing right beside him. He hadn't noticed. "Uhm, what?"
Trevor gave him a dubious look. "Did you hear anything I just said?"
He glanced back at Sypha and Trevor elbowed him in the ribs. "Adrian. What the fuck."
"Sorry," he mumbled and finally tore his attention away from her. Blue eyes were squinting at him suspiciously. "Sorry. What did you say?" he asked stupidly.
"First of all, you're standing in a puddle," Trevor pointed at his feet and he realized he did indeed have one foot sunk several inches into a puddle, the water already soaking into the leather of his boot. He stared at it for a moment. "Oh," he said, and hopped out of it, shaking his foot as if that would do anything. Trevor watched him closely.
"Second, I was asking if you wanted to hunt for some dinner so we could save the preserved meat for travel, you know, since we should probably be getting the fuck out of here. Once we know where we're going."
Adrian nodded, looking at his boot as he put weight on it and a stream of water leaked out of the seams and formed a puddle around his foot. "That's… reasonable," he said slowly, watching the way the water quivered when he lifted his foot. Trevor put a hand on his elbow, stepping close and eyeing him with concern.
"Are you good? I know that freaked you out when we walked past the uhh… the mess. We could clean it up. If you think that will help." Trevor was wearing a genuinely worried expression and Adrian felt incredibly guilty that he was having weird blood-drinking fantasies while the hunter thought he was suffering after-effects of trauma and panic.
"We should probably clean it up, but I wasn't thinking about that. I'm ok." he said, eyeing Trevor's hand on his elbow. The hunter's skin looked several shades darker in the moonlight, while his own nearly shone with a grey-white luminescence. He could see the pulse in Trevor's palm, and his wrist, and one in his elbow. He swallowed and looked at the ground. Fuck. He hadn't felt like this for ages – not since he was a small child – and even then he'd curbed it easily under his father's careful guidance.
"Why are you so distracted?" he asked, and Adrian knew it was no great feat that he'd noticed.
"No um… no reason," he said, glancing anywhere but Trevor's face.
"Wow, you are a terrible liar," the hunter pointed out in an unimpressed tone. "Don't ever gamble. Or cheat at anything."
This was not news to Adrian. He was a terrible liar. In fact deception in general was a weak point, but now was not the time to discuss what he and Sypha had talked about. If Trevor asked him outright he knew he would tell him with little prodding. Sypha was absolutely correct when she suggested that they set the mood first and broach the subject with some finesse. They were supposed to have something to eat – because everyone was more agreeable on a full stomach – and get Trevor at least a bit drunk, which would go a long way to tempering his reaction. Then Adrian would somehow find the courage to tell him what they had discussed and try to bring him around. His damnable conscience wouldn't let him simply do as Sypha had suggested – no – recommended and not tell him at all. It was the most logical option, certainly the easiest, but Adrian wouldn't tolerate lying. Especially to people he cared for.
He could already bitten Sypha while they were curled up together in the Hold. He'd certainly been close enough, and she'd been more than willing. He hadn't because it felt wrong to break his fast so unceremoniously. It cheapened it. He'd spent half his damned life refusing human blood and he had never thought he'd be so much as considering changing his mind. Sypha had turned that on its ear in a few simple phrases and now all he could think about was the sound of her heart drumming away as she poked around in the dirt across the garden.
His teeth itched. Killing something seemed like an excellent idea right now. Trevor was looking at him with an unsettling measure of disappointment and incredulity and Adrian had that sense of being backed into a corner, brought on mostly by his own sense of guilt. "I'll just… go hunt," he said, twisting his elbow out of Trevor's grasp and walking towards the edge of the trees. His boot squelched on every alternate step. Trevor followed him, grabbing his hand before he got more than a few paces.
"Hey, wait. Last night you said you were going to talk about shit more. This would be a good place to start. What's wrong?"
The hunter squeezed his fingers in a way that he was certain was intended to be reassuring. He was frustrated. He was disappointed in himself and he needed to clear his head and get away from the mundane things which were suddenly tempting when they shouldn't be. Faced with no better options, Adrian turned into a wolf.
"Oh come on, that's not fair," Trevor complained loudly, pinning Adrian with a glare. "If you were trying to avoid talking about something there are easier ways," he said curtly, crossing his arms.
He stretched lazily and yawned at Trevor, displaying a muzzle full of sharp teeth, his canines slightly larger than a typical wolf's. The hunter scowled at him, incensed. He heard Sypha make an exclamation of surprise and glanced to where she had been digging through the weeds. She dropped the sad looking potato she'd found and ran over. When she got a little closer her eyes widened and she slowed, perhaps unsure of him once she was near enough to get a sense of just how big his wolf form was. He knew he was imposing. He was nearly up to Sypha's chest, his paws easily larger than her hands and tipped in sharp black claws. The look on her face was priceless.
While he wanted to reassure her that he wouldn't harm her, he also enjoyed the wary way she looked at him. It felt good to be just a little scary. The soul of the wolf had its own wildness, and it wanted to be respected. He was used to it. He could see Sypha's fingers twitching, like she was considering calling some element into her hand just in case.
She looked at Trevor. "Is that-
He snorted. "Oh its him alright. Fucking coward," he sounded insulted and genuinely angry.
Adrian turned back to the hunter and growled, a deep and threatening rumble in his chest that definitely made Sypha take a step back and made Trevor glare daggers at him, hands clenching into fists at his sides. "Don't you fucking growl at me Adrian. We aren't done talking. You can't stay like that forever."
He snorted back at the hunter, showing his teeth. He didn't appreciate being called a coward. Trevor puffed his chest and stood his ground, but Adrian could hear his heart picking up speed. He also caught the hurt look that flashed over his features, which the hunter was trying to hide behind his bravado.
Perhaps he wasn't being entirely reasonable. Trevor was only trying to help and Adrian had responded to him by rendering discussion impossible then growling at him like the animal who's shape he was borrowing. In truth he was feeling rather like an animal at the moment and he had no idea how to explain that. He exhaled through his nose and begrudgingly relaxed his expression, looking at Trevor apologetically.
Trevor stared back, working to maintain his glare but failing miserably. He sighed. "How am I supposed to be mad at you when you're… this." he gestured to Adrian, who let his tail swish lazily back and forth and whined in response.
"You're still going to have to talk to me," Trevor said in a low voice, his hand relaxing at his side.
Sypha was nearly vibrating by now, unable to keep herself from inching nearer. He turned to look at her. Her eyes were huge, her curiosity palpable.
"Adrian?" she asked him, still not entirely convinced that he wasn't going to eat her. He padded over to her, letting her study him up close. "Its really you?" she asked again and he dipped his head in affirmation. Her hand cautiously closed the distance between them, her fingers tentatively exploring the fur on his shoulder. He twisted around and nosed her hand, pushing into her palm.
Something moved in the trees several hundred yards away, something large enough to make a twig snap and a leaf crackle as it was stepped on. His ears perked instantly and he was pulling away from Sypha's hand and sniffing carefully, but the wind was in the wrong direction for him to determine anything from the scent. It could be a night creature, but it could also be something for them to eat. He left Trevor and Sypha behind as he took two strides silently towards the noise and there was more rustling as whatever it was proceeded through the underbrush. He froze, listening again, and at the next minuscule noise he was off like a flash, running towards it as silently as he could. He covered a great distance in seconds, leaving the Estate behind and disappearing into the blackness of the trees.
It was a small deer, nibbling the tips from low-hanging cedar boughs. Adrian skillfully wove through the thick trees and came upon his prey, which took off as soon as it sensed danger. It was fast. He was much faster, but he didn't want to catch it too easily. He slowed, letting it gain distance but remaining close enough to hear the pounding of its heart. The white tail was raised high in alarm, the panicked animal trying to lose him in a series of graceful changes in direction. They were rather ineffective considering his speed, but he needed this; the chase. It was something uncomplicated and instinctual that could quiet his mind and pull him from the accumulated stress of the past weeks. He needed to get away from Sypha and Trevor, from the Hold, and from the prospect of doing something that would render pointless his years of self-denial in a single moment.
The animal had plenty of stamina so he chased it for awhile, letting it get ahead of him then closing in and sending it sprinting once more. He listened only to the sound of its small hooves digging against the earth and the sound of his own panting. Eventually he could see it was tiring and he closed the distance between them, leaping towards it and sinking his teeth into its flank. It twisted and kicked at him and he released it, licking blood from his muzzle as it fled with renewed energy. It was breathing heavily; he could see foam at the corner of its lips and the way its nostrils flared and it eye rolled in terror. He pursued it for another stretch, the blood seeping from the wound down its leg. It missed a step a few times, slowing to a limp once or twice before he closed in and it found the energy to escape once more.
Adrian was not in the habit of terrifying forest creatures for sport. He did enjoy the hunt, stalking slowly closer, springing from the trees and taking his prey, sure. But he didn't terrify it like this. He didn't purposely drag out the kill. Tonight… his head was spinning with urges that he'd brought under control by the time he was barely five years old. Talking about biting humans with Sypha had dredged things up that had been tucked in the recesses of his mind for years. Once he started thinking about it it all came back to him in a torrent, and as his paws flew over the forest floor he was pulled into old memories which he hadn't thought of in ages.
Certainly Adrian's early life had been anything but typical. Neither of his parents had experience with raising a half human, half vampire child, but they loved him and worked hard to teach him everything they could. He'd grown quickly, nearly twice the rate of a human child. Both his parents tried their best to keep up, but they were not perfect. His father in particular had struggled to balance Adrian's vampire nature with his softer human side. Vlad Dracula Tepes was no shining example of rectitude or probity. He murdered. He maimed and tortured. He deceived those closest to him, and in trying to raise Adrian he had often crossed into dark territory that had no business being part of a child's upbringing. But it wasn't all terrible. Adrian remembered almost everything from around three years on. One of the first things he could recall was his father feeding him from his wrist. He'd apparently also breast-fed as an infant, but had needed blood once his teeth had come in. His small baby canines had descended when he was about a year old, and had shed and been replaced with his adult fangs when he was five, by which time he was nearly the size of a ten year old human child.
When his fangs grew in Adrian had begun to experience more powerful waves of thirst, and to notice how humans smelled and how desirable they were. There were always humans in the castle and he'd lost himself several times in instincts that he hadn't learned to deal with yet. They smelled incredible, made his teeth itch strangely, made his mouth water. Their heartbeats were hypnotizing, and he fell to stalking and tracking behaviours without realizing they were happening. His mother, for some reason, was not a source of these reactions. Dracula speculated that it might be something to do with their shared blood, the work of some ingrained survival mechanism.
It was at this time that his father had weaned him from his wrist onto human blood. His body needed it to grow; even Dracula's blood was not a worthy substitute. It had not been an easy process, but Adrian got the hang of feeding from humans eventually, and had learned to control his urges and behave like a young man should. It was uncomfortable to touch strangers, but hunger was a powerful motivator and had driven Adrian to do as his father instructed. He was an incredibly patient teacher. He encouraged his son and even soothed him when he became frustrated and angry at his conflicting natures. Adrian learned how to take the shape of the wolf at this age and he spent countless hours roaming the forest at his father's side, learning to track and stalk prey under Dracula's tutelage. His father could become a wolf as well – a large, black wolf with deep red eyes. Taking game was a pleasure they shared together, and these were Adrian's first experiences hunting for himself. He shared a strong bond of trust and closeness with his father, whom he relied on to teach him to understand himself and to use his gifts. He could not possibly have learned what he needed without this guidance.
The matter of death presented itself relatively early on. Dracula allowed the inevitable to come about on its own, making no move to stop it. The first time he had killed a human by accident Adrian didn't understand what he'd done. He had tried to revive the victim without success and when he asked his father what was wrong Dracula had explained that he had taken too much blood for the body to sustain itself, and that the human had died. While human life was not to be destroyed senselessly, death was an inevitability of vampire nature.
Adrian was horrified and crushed, overwhelmed with confused guilt. He'd cried pitifully, and had hidden in his room for days before his mother had coaxed him out. His parents had argued loudly in their personal chambers. Lisa was furious with Dracula for allowing the incident, and Dracula was adamant that Adrian must learn and understand even the less pleasant aspects of himself. He was son to the King of Vampires and killing and death were facts of that life, no matter how much Lisa wanted to shelter him and protect him from them. Adrian could easily hear the exchange; his senses were sharp and it would have been impossible not to listen. He refused to touch another person from that point on, and only accepted decanted blood from the castle stores for weeks afterwards.
His father had then locked the decanted blood away and starved him. Not horribly, but he was denied access to blood until he began to feel his teeth ache and itch and he'd snarled at his mother angrily over something trivial, for which she'd sternly reprimanded him and forced him to copy medical definitions from her doctor's books for hours in punishment. He seethed with unwarranted frustration the entire time, clenching his teeth and raking his claws along the table until they left gouges. She had not been impressed. Adrian lost his temper again when she scolded him for damaging things needlessly. She had always told him that she would treat him like a gentleman and that she expected him to behave as one, but he had been far from it by the time Dracula sent her out of the study for her own safety.
He vividly remembered kicking over the desk and sending ink splashing all over the books and the floor. He'd ruined one of his mother's rare books entirely and he'd gotten ink on a priceless hand knotted carpet from the Orient. His father then brought him to see the dungeons, where many desiccated, starving vampires were in varying stages of suffering. Some were too frail to move any longer, others maddened by hunger and behaving like rabid animals. He'd taken it in with rapt attention, all the while his thirst raging and making it hard to concentrate. Dracula explained in great detail the less pleasant aspects of a vampire's needs and appetite, and about what he could expect if he did not satisfy that appetite accordingly. He was very thorough in explaining each facet of thirst. Human blood was necessary, especially for his young and growing body. Without it he could expect to end up like the creatures in the dungeons. He trusted that his father knew what was best, and did not complain when he was told they would go hunting afterwards.
They traveled to a nearby town where his father had selected their target, explaining only that the man was deserving of his fate. He hadn't been old enough yet to fully formulate his own moral compass, nor was he yet strong enough to deny his body what it needed to grow. Dracula subdued the man, and together they drained him dry. That was the only time Adrian had ever participated in hunting a person. He had been so hungry that he'd barely registered the wrongness of the act until he was sated.
After dawn broke he lay in bed thinking much more calmly and he realized how entirely what he'd done conflicted with being a good person. He cried for hours. He destroyed his childhood bedroom, smashing his toys and ripping up his bedding with his claws. When he finally managed to fall asleep he had nightmares, so he spent the next days avoiding sleep as much as he could. He clung to his mother for nearly a week, morose and inconsolable, avoiding his father and spending long stretches staring out of the window in one of the highest towers, shifting out of the sunlight and replaying the scene in his mind over and over. His mother had not been aware of what transpired that night and while he was not specifically forbidden from confiding in her, his father made sure he knew how much it upset her to discuss such things. Guilt and conscience were often called on to manipulate Adrian in some way, and it worked well.
He was deeply conflicted and struggling to piece together who he was supposed to be. Existential crises were not meant for children. Finally he broke down and confessed to his mother why he was so upset, and begged her to help him understand what to do. She held him and let him cry until he was merely whimpering in her arms. Later on he could hear Lisa and Dracula arguing once more behind closed doors. The next night Lisa took him away from the castle. They stayed at her cottage outside of Targoviste for a month. Adrian helped her prepare medicines and tinctures for her patients, and played by himself in the woods. When they returned to the castle his father gave him thorough lessons on restraint and self-control, on feeding more carefully, without even leaving a mark. His mother had been sternly standing by the door of the room, arms crossed, glare pinned on Dracula, who nearly winced when she sent a particularly nasty scowl in his direction. After that she'd encouraged Adrian to talk to her if he wasn't sure what to do, and he'd been relieved to know that he didn't have to figure it all out alone.
It had taken him another year to finally hone his control and perfect his restraint. Eventually he discovered that he could satisfy himself by drinking the blood of animals, and then he did not need to be so reserved or worry about anyone being hurt. He experimented with how much to take and how often, and intentionally tested his own limitations so that he would better understand his body's needs. He became very absorbed by the personal challenge of gaining absolute control over his appetite and began to feel a sense of accomplishment when he denied himself. It was hard to wean completely off of human blood, however. There was a difficult period where he tried a few times, but his growing body seemed to need at least a little human blood to function properly. By the time we was around ten he was physically finished growing and then he was more successful. When he was able to stop entirely there were many unpleasant side-effects including no longer being capable of magic, but ultimately he was satisfied that it was a fair exchange for not having to hurt people. In time it became easy, and he mostly forgot about the awkward stages that had led to his 'animal only' diet.
Adrian's decision to give up something so fundamental to vampires was not well-received. His loss of magical ability meant that he no longer took practical magic lessons from his father. These were replaced with extra magic theory, and especially with time working on the sciences. Dracula changed his tactics of persuasion, thinking that if Adrian had a better understanding of why human blood was necessary, that he would perhaps come to his own logical conclusions and desist his foolish refusal to consume it. He was brought into the laboratories with increasing regularity to assist with research on the matter.
They performed several studies to try and isolate what specifically satisfied vampiric hunger. The research suggested that vampires needed something which they could no longer produce after the transformation. There was also the possibility that human life force was greater, or somehow different than that of animals, and therefore more nourishing. Adrian volunteered his own blood numerous times for his father's experiments so it could be compared to more typical examples. The fact that he was half human seemed to confirm the hypotheses; he needed less to be satisfied, and could go longer between feedings because his body produced some amount of the unknown ingredient. After he'd given up human blood entirely, Dracula had noted differences in his samples which were similar to malnourishment. His father cautioned him against doing anything that would leave him vulnerable, and Adrian ignored that warning in favour of his moral high ground.
While they worked well together in the lab, this period signaled the beginning of tension between father and son. He was never to speak to anyone about his refusal to drink from humans. It was an embarrassment and also an exploitable weakness for Dracula's enemies. Life went on as usual for the next few years, but Adrian began to challenge his father with increasing regularity. Many times they fought, Adrian never walking away unscathed, and often he didn't walk away at all. He got used to that – he even looked forward to testing himself against his father – every time he refused to give in he felt like he'd won. Each time he was pushed to his limit he honed his skills with both body and blade more acutely. He had to use everything he had to keep up and he learned not to let injury or temptation distract him from his virtue. Part of him relished the challenge. Another part of him simply liked to fight. In his early teens he picked arguments and attempted to bait Dracula into meeting him in battle time and again, much to the displeasure of the other castle inhabitants who were often disrupted by their violent altercations. In time, however, the tension between them grew closer to animosity. Adrian wanted Dracula to accept his choices, to accept him, and Dracula wanted Adrian to fall in line. He started to see his father's selfishness and greed, and to change his perception of the man he had always respected and trusted.
When their fighting became too dangerous and stressful Adrian's mother decided to leave the castle. Before that time she went back and forth between it and her cottage, serving patients and gaining valuable experience as a doctor. Adrian had gone with her many times, but he'd always felt more at home in the castle. Dracula was furious when she said she was leaving permanently. He blamed Adrian. He forced him to go with her. He told him that he would never belong with the humans and said it was time that he understood that.
For the first time in his life he was completely, forcibly immersed in the human world. It was not an easy transition. As much as he hated some parts of life in the castle, he was able to be himself there without worry for how he might be seen by others. Targoviste was overcrowded and overwhelming. It was loud and filthy, and he was disgusted by the peasants who stunk of sickness and lacked even basic education. His mother worked hard to teach him to be more accepting and understanding of those less fortunate. She encouraged him to assist her while she treated patients, and to help others whenever possible. She taught him to be kinder, and gentler. She tempered his selfishness and pride, and taught him about his own humanity by revealing it to him through acts of charity and good will. She paid special attention to the results of such acts, helping him to understand how much small kindnesses could improve people's lives. Eventually he grew to love the peaceful lifestyle they adopted and began to realize how much he had been affected by living in his father's violent shadow.
She also encouraged him to socialize with other teenagers from time to time but Adrian felt awkward and he was not very successful at making friends. He was very much out of his element, and felt he had nothing in common with others his age, all of whom he appeared older than. His mother had pushed him hard to connect to the humans, and he had tried, he really had, but it was a slow process. People were somewhat wary of him, or he didn't know what to say to them. He did get better at it in time, and life was peaceful and quiet, and whenever he needed a break he could go into the woods and take the form of the wolf and run until his paws ached pleasantly, or hunt and follow his instincts for awhile. He spent a lot of time doing exactly that. It grounded him. It was simple. It was somewhere that he didn't have to be half one thing or the other, he could just be himself.
As he grew older he often returned to that coping mechanism when he was stressed or confused, and let running and hunting clear his mind and give him perspective.
After the last several weeks of horror in the Belmont Hold Adrian needed that very badly. He was angry and sad, damaged by what had transpired and struggling to come to terms with the experience, and now there was another thing tugging at him, forcing him to reconsider something he'd prided himself on choosing many years ago. It was too much. All of it was simply overwhelming. The entire concept of drinking human blood dredged up memories that were both upsetting and wistfully heartwarming. They contended with his biology and he was left a mess of conflicting urges and values.
In short, it was quietly tearing him apart.
An hour of running after a wounded animal was not going to fix that, but it brought a small measure of familiarity to a situation that felt wildly out of his control. That was better than trying to understand why he suddenly felt like he was getting his fangs for the first time all over again.
He closed in on the deer once more and this time he made the killing blow, leaping from between two pine trees and gracefully landing in front of it. He tasted blood when his teeth closed over the animal's throat, blocking off its oxygen as he waited for it to lose consciousness. When it fell limp in his grasp he adjusted his mouth and fed from the wound, deepening it so the heart pumped the blood to him freely. He drank his fill, hoping that it would curb his sudden unwelcome preoccupation with Sypha. He could not imagine going around hour after hour thinking endlessly about her pulse or of biting her. That would be torturous.
After he was finished and the animal was dead he tore into the belly to relieve it of its entrails, not wanting to clean the kill back near the entrance of the Hold. The work was messy and he had blood on his head and muzzle, and on his chest and forepaws. He knew Trevor and Sypha would see it when he returned, but after everything else they'd seen lately he didn't think they were about to run screaming from a little deer blood. Especially not after he brought them dinner. If he was to be perfectly honest with himself he liked hunting for them more than he let on. It felt good to take care of them.
He dragged the kill back the way he'd come, emerging from the trees to find that Trevor and Sypha had collected wood and had started a fire, the coals already hot and a warm glow washing over the skeleton of the ruined house. There was a pot burbling over it, and Adrian could smell vegetables from it. They'd selected a reasonably dry area where several large stone blocks were scattered, and they were sitting together on one of them sharing an intimate, slow kiss. Trevor was stroking Sypha's back gently, and she was leaning into him with her eyes closed.
Adrian stilled to watch them before he moved closer. He was acutely aware of the harsh juxtaposition of him with his torn up kill clamped in his blood spattered teeth and them soft and warm and alive, sharing a moment of sweetness. Usually he didn't feel too set apart from Trevor and Sypha – all three of them were accustomed to death and violence after all – but he did then. It was enough that he almost ran back into the trees, but that simply couldn't be his solution to everything and he'd already turned tail and fled once that evening.
Trevor must have sensed his presence because he turned to greet him, arm curled around Sypha's waist. "You got something," he observed, then turned to Sypha and planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek. "I told you he'd get something."
"Gross, Trevor," she laughed, pushing him off her and wiping the spit from side of her face with her hand. "You can have this back," she said and wiped her hand on him before he could squirm away. He shoved her playfully and she flailed and nearly fell off the stone they were sharing. They both started laughing, then kissed again between giggles.
Adrian dragged the deer over to them and dropped it unceremoniously a few paces from Trevor, looking from one of them to the other for a long second. They broke apart and eyed his bloodied countenance but didn't seem bothered by it. He relaxed considerably and stretched out in front of the fire, sinking into a laying position to lick the blood from his paws while he tried to work up the nerve to return to normal and talk to them. At the very least the time spent reflecting had helped him to remember how he'd managed his instincts and urges when they first manifested all those years ago. Sypha's heartbeat wasn't such a din in his ears now and he was sure he would have a better hold on himself. That was a relief. He still didn't know how he was going to broach the topic of biting her with Trevor, but at least he wasn't so distracted anymore.
"Are you going to stay like that all night?" Trevor asked, obviously not impressed but no longer sounding angry.
The hunter studied Adrian's wolf form, perhaps for the first time getting a good look at him in the light. He met Trevor's blue stare with his own warm gold eyes, but looked away after a few seconds, back to his paws. He would clean as much blood off as he could before he changed back. He didn't want it all over his clothes.
The hunter was retrieving a large knife from somewhere on his person and he knelt before the carcass of the deer, looking it over and sinking the blade into it to begin dividing it at the major articulations. He glanced at Adrian after a moment. "Thanks for doing the messy part, that will make this a lot easier to process," he continued his work, separating off one hind leg and laying it aside as he moved to the next section. "I have to say, we've eaten really well since you started traveling with us."
"I second that," Sypha said from her position perched on the large rectangular stone. She watched Adrian clean his fur for a minute, then stood up and began rooting through her bag of cooking supplies. She retrieved a scrap of cloth and a pot. She set them down, holding her fingers in front of her and creating a sphere of ice which she dropped into the pot, then melted with a burst of fire magic. She tossed the cloth into it and came to kneel beside Adrian, apparently over her wariness of him.
"You," she said pointedly, "Are filthy. Hold still."
He paused his licking, peering at her as she wrung the cloth out and brought it towards his face. She hesitated for a second, her hand dwarfed by his mouth full of sharp teeth, then she began to clean his face, dipping the cloth back into the pot of water and repeating the process until the blood was gone from his muzzle. She had to make a new pot of water two more times before she got everything off of his head and chest. He obligingly held still and allowed her to work.
Once she deemed him clean her hands began to rake through his fur. It was wonderful. He found himself leaning into her touch as she dug her fingertips in and scratched him around the head and ears. He couldn't help letting his tongue loll from the side of his mouth. He put his head in her lap, nearly knocking her over with his huge skull. This was new. He'd never let a human see or touch him in his wolf shape (except Trevor the one time), and he'd certainly never been subjected to this type of attention in it. No wonder wolves had been domesticated. All Sypha had to do was touch his ears and he was ready to roll onto his back and show his belly. The soul of the wolf may be fierce and wild, but it certainly appreciated head scratches.
Trevor put the meat onto the fire and tossed some of the bones into their pot of vegetables, then sat on Adrian's other side. He was clearly trying to remain objective, looking into the flames and leaning forward to turn the meat as it cooked, but he kept inching closer and peering at Adrian out of the corner of his eye. His fingers twitched. They were still covered in drying deer blood. Adrian watched Trevor watch him and finally he sniffed his fingers and began licking them clean. Eventually one hand came forward and he caught Adrian's eyes in question, then buried it in his fur and stroked his back with a growing smile. His smile evolved into a full blown grin as he sank his fingers into the white fur and explored him, tugging his mane and scratching thick fur on the back of his neck.
Adrian could not deny how good it felt to be touched. He was clean now – he knew he could switch back – but part of him didn't want to. He was being lavished with affection and it wasn't making him want to curl into a ball and shake. He let them both indulge their curiosity and his pleasure for a little longer. Sypha told him how soft the fur on his ears was and he licked her face, making her giggle and push his head to the side. He twisted to Trevor who held up his hands and warned him not to try it. He settled for pushing his nose into the calloused palm and the last remnants of Trevor's reticence crumbled as he gave in and gave Adrian's muzzle a rubdown. His eyes fell shut and he laid his head against Trevor's chest, his tail thumping the ground behind him.
When their exploring hands stilled and they simply leaned on him, he released the soul of the wolf and instantly switched back to his normal form, now sitting sandwiched between them. Sypha wrapped him in a wordless hug and laid a kiss on his cheek and Trevor squeezed his knee and resumed leaning against him. It felt really, really good.
They shared the meat, Trevor and Sypha eating most of it, and the delicious soup made from the vegetables and bones, and watched the fire for awhile as the moon crept along the sky.
"I suppose I should repair that mirror," Adrian said finally, breaking the spell of silence that had settled over them.
"Probably," Trevor agreed, shifting so he could loop his arm in Adrian's and intertwine their fingers. "But I'm so full I don't want to move." He patted his stomach with his free hand.
"Me too," Sypha said from his other side, mimicking Trevor's motion by hooking her arm in his and lacing their fingers together. She scooted closer to Adrian and he thought it was lovely to be sandwiched between their heat.
"We could stay out here a little longer," he suggested, squeezing their hands in his and kissing each of their heads in turn.
"Okay," Sypha answered. "Maybe we'll worry about the mirror in the morning. Its been a really hard couple of weeks. One more night isn't going to matter, right?" she twisted slightly to look at Adrian's face, silently asking him if it was ok to put things off. He was more than happy to agree. One more night couldn't possibly make a difference in the grand scheme of things.
"That's a good idea," he answered and tipped his head to kiss her slowly, enjoying her taste and heat and how soft and delicate she was against him. It was getting easier every time he took small steps with them. The time talking with Sypha earlier had lowered his boundaries, and had rekindled some of the physical closeness that he was struggling with. His run and subsequent reflection had served to quell the incessant distraction of what she would taste like. He was full and relaxed and able to enjoy kissing her without his mind being cluttered and preoccupied.
"Now me," Trevor insisted from his other side, sneaking a peck against his jaw. Adrian broke from Sypha, her lips wet and catching the light of the fire beautifully, then turned to Trevor and obligingly dipped to meet his waiting mouth.
Trevor's kiss spoke things he didn't say out loud. He hungrily worked against Adrian's lips, seeking entry to his mouth with his tongue and sliding it together with the dhampir's as he shifted to get closer. His hand tightened in Adrian's, squeezing his fingers. Trevor broke the kiss to breathe, already panting slightly. It was clear that he was once again working to restrain himself, that he wanted more. Sypha diverted his attention to her, pulling him across Adrian's lap and catching his lips with hers. He crawled over Adrian and delivered a series of nips and sucks against her.
Adrian found himself watching them approvingly. They were essentially nestled in his lap. It gave him a fantastic view. He put an arm around each of them, playing with their hair while their tongues danced in front of him. His lips tugged into a smile and he eventually just pulled them both against his chest in a tight hug, holding them for a long moment and nuzzling against them both.
"I'll be right back," he said, kissing each of them once more for good measure. He then rose gracefully and flashed out of view, darting back into the Hold as fast as he could, carefully ignoring the scene at the top of the first landing. He retrieved the bottle of wine that he'd been saving and returned to the edge of the fire just as quickly, appearing beside them in a flash of red aura, bottle in hand. "If this is going to be our last evening here, then lets enjoy this while we can," he said, sitting back down beside them and placing the bottle on the ground. "I'm sure we will want to carry as few things as possible if we are traveling on foot."
"There's another bottle?" Trevor said in surprise, looking back to Adrian.
"I was saving it, there were only two good ones in the cellar."
"Every time I think you've blown my mind you do something else amazing," Trevor said dreamily and Sypha rolled her eyes.
"Can you open it without a corkscrew?" she asked, picking up the bottle and studying the cork and the waxen seal over top of it. Adrian smoothly plucked it from her hand.
"Of course I can." He set it down and tugged one of his gloves off. He raised his index finger, extending a claw.
"That's not going to work," Trevor said skeptically.
Adrian sniffed at Trevor's lack of faith and sank his nail deep into the cork, letting it grow a little longer so it widened and gave him some purchase. He wiggled gently, experimentally testing if he had purchase. He didn't want the aged wood to break apart and fall into the bottle. Luck was on his side as it gave in to his coaxing, sliding out of the neck with an audible pop. He set the wine down and held up his finger, examining the cork to see if it still looked alright. It wasn't rotted and he could smell the alcohol on it. "Its fine," he said of the wine, pulling the cork free and setting it beside the bottle.
Trevor was already reaching for it and taking a deep swallow. Adrian and Sypha shared a knowing look, smirking at each other.
"You're so predictable Trev," she laughed at him when he came up for air, wiping his lips on the back of his arm.
"That's the last bottle from your family's cellar, shouldn't it be savoured?" Adrian said slowly, meeting Trevor's eyes.
The hunter shrugged. "I was thirsty," he passed the bottle to Sypha, who took a more measured swallow.
Adrian smiled at him. "Don't ever become a vampire. You'd be insatiable."
Trevor froze for a moment, his expression caught somewhere between concern and surprise. "You… I mean… that's..." he trailed off and snatched the bottle back from Sypha who laughed at him.
"Trev, he was kidding."
Trevor eyed him warily.
Adrian gave him a sly grin with a flash of fang.
Sypha dissolved into laughter, shoving Trevor's shoulder and making him nearly choke on the over sized swallow he'd taken. His cheeks were turning pink, whether that was from the alcohol or the embarrassment it was hard to say. His bottom lip formed into an amusing reproachful pout and he offered Adrian the bottle. He considered it for a moment then accepted it, holding it while he contemplated actually taking a sip. As he traced a finger around the neck Sypha scooted closer to snuggle against his side.
"I wonder where we will go tomorrow," she said softly, looking into the flames.
Adrian put his arm around her, hugging her against his body. "I have no idea," he said, and finally tipped the bottle to his lips, ignoring the unpleasant odour and flavour as the wine flowed thin and bitter down his throat. His nose wrinkled and he passed it back to Sypha. The warmth bloomed in his belly, flowering outwards.
"You can't worry about that kind of thing," Trevor interjected, picking up his bloodied knife from earlier and wiping it clean with a rag. It glinted in the light of the flames. "We'll go wherever we need to to get this done and kill whatever's in the way." He examined the blade, finding more blood on it and making another pass with the cloth.
"How do you do that?" Adrian asked him, running his hand along Sypha's upper arm.
"Do what?" he tucked the knife back into wherever it had come from and reached for the wine once more.
"Take it all in stride," Adrian answered. "Everything. The war, all the death, the uncertainty. Doesn't it bother you to never know what to expect? To have no plan?"
Trevor snorted derisively, as if that were obviously ridiculous. "If you plan for something that's a sure way to be disappointed. I have no expectations and even if your dad wasn't waging this fucked up war I still wouldn't. If you don't have anything then nobody can take it from you."
"Trev, that's not true," Sypha said, putting her hand over Adrian's glove. "If you don't have anything to lose then nobody can take it, sure, but then you also have nothing to live for."
Adrian looked between them, watching the hunter take another pointedly long gulp from the bottle. His cheeks were certainly flushed now, but the tone of the conversation was not going to lend itself to the topic he and Sypha had intended to bring up. He took a breath, thinking about what he knew of Trevor's life, and understood easily why he was so jaded. He'd lost everything from a young age and had been wandering mostly aimlessly ever since. His attitude made sense, given his life experience. "If it weren't for my father's war and the night creatures, what would you do?" he asked, contemplating how he would answer the question himself.
Sypha took the bottle before Trevor could finish it, tucking it between herself and Adrian. She was clearly thinking on her response. "I'd still want to travel and help people. I like the adventure, but someday I'd like to try having a house. Just for awhile. And I want some kids."
Adrian smiled at her answer. It sounded grand. Trevor was looking into the fire with a dark expression, like he was remembering something horrible. He'd taken one of his small daggers and was twirling it in his hand with practiced ease. He didn't offer any answer to Adrian's query.
"Trevor?" he asked gently.
The hunter's face twisted with sudden anger. "I don't know, okay? I don't know what I would do. If there weren't anymore monsters to kill then the world wouldn't really need another Belmont, would it. I guess I'd just… find a tavern somewhere and drink until I forget about all the shit or someone needs help killing something." He glared into the flames.
"Wouldn't you rebuild you family home?" Sypha asked.
He scowled and the dagger danced between his fingers. "Why? What the hell am I going to do with a gigantic estate full of nothing but horrible memories and books I can't read?"
"You could use it to help people," Sypha said, reaching out and putting her hand on his leg. "You could teach people about night creatures, train them to defend themselves. You're good at that. I think you'd like it. You could have a family. We could have a family, someday. All of us together. After this is over." The hand she had on Adrian's squeezed his fingers to let him know that she meant him too. His eyes widened.
Trevor glanced at her with a surprised look, his scowl disappearing in the wake of an unexpectedly vulnerable expression that seemed almost hopeful for a moment before it hardened and he stared back into the flames. "Sypha, I'm excommunicated. He's not even human. How is that going to work, exactly?"
"If we defeat Dracula I'm pretty sure you can be repatriated. And if not, Adrian will have a magic castle that can take us anywhere. We can go wherever we want."
"Uhm, Sypha, I told you I don't know about the castle…" Adrian said. She was making a lot of assumptions.
"Nevermind that, we have to actually beat Dracula first, before any of this stuff. Most likely scenario is we all die. And if we do, by some highly unlikely stroke of luck manage to win, what then? You think it will be happily ever after? All our problems magically disappear and life is great? No fucking way." the bitterness was evident in Trevor's voice.
Sypha shook her head. "Of course not. But if we win, then we have a chance. We have possibilities. That's worth fighting for."
Trevor growled, evidently not sold on Sypha's optimism. Adrian was still thinking about what she'd said about having a family. He hadn't thought of that before. Surely she didn't think they could do that together… all three of them? He hadn't meant for things to go this way when he'd asked his question. "Lets just stay focused on getting to the castle," he suggested in hopes of changing the subject.
Sypha didn't push the topic any further. "I guess you're both right. We should concentrate on what's in front of us before we look at what's past it. But both of you need to at least consider that there could be something good after. You both deserve to be happy. We all do. Trev, come here," she opened her arm, bidding him to join them.
Trevor slipped the dagger he'd been fingering back into its sheath and swept his eyes over them both. The were a little glassy, but they held a lot of unspoken sadness in that moment. He grunted apologetically. "I'm being a cocksore. Its just this place… its fucking me up."
"Then come here and let us help you relax," Sypha said again.
"Why don't we take the rest of this wine back inside," Adrian said. The fire was dying down, and he thought it would be more comfortable for them inside rather than on the hard damp stones.
They all agreed on that. A few minutes were spent gathering things, stringing up the remains of the deer and smothering the fire, then they proceeded together back into the Hold.
~o~O~o~
A/N:In this chapter I wanted to illustrate why Sypha's offer is fucking with Adrian's head. I wanted to really dive into what its like to be a one of a kind creature who's parents haven't got a fucking clue. Vlad is obviously not a shining example of great judgement calls. Nobody ever implied that marrying Lisa and becoming a father made him any less the King of Vampires. Adrian's childhood was rather fucked as a result. He doesn't hate his father, but those sweet bonding moments were often tainted by much darker things which helped Adrian decide to be the man he is now.
Also, its high time he discovered the joys of head scratches in wolf form.
Thanks so much for the amazing comments, its very rewarding to receive all the feedback and encouragement!