Again commentary pulled direct from AO3:
Thought this would be a shorter than average chapter.
HAHAHAHAHA.
Should have known myself better.
This chapter is a mix of sad and constructive. I have a whole new lot of dominoes to set up now.
IMPORTANT TRACKS FOR THIS CHAP:
IF YOU LISTEN TO NOTHING ELSE PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO THE FIRST ONE, I AM BEGGING segment of chapter is 'Faith' from Outlander season 2.
Everything in the middle is pretty much pick what you like from Wolf Hall soundtrack.
Jazz's visit to the medbay is actually 'Lovely' - Billy Eilish and Khalid.
Prowl's awakening is 'Eye of the Storm' (track 17) from Outlander season 3.
THAS ALL GUISE ENJOY (those of you still reading who decided what I did last chapter wasn't bad enough to abandon fic, ya legends ;) )
~Death Out
P.S, this chap has 2 Illustrations: https: deathcomes4u/ art/ PackMentality-Aftermath-844246085
https: deathcomes4u/ art/ Pack-Mentality-Regrets-844243893 (remove spaces obv.)
Something kept telling him he needed to wake up.
He needed to find them.
Where were they… why could he not feel them? He should be able to feel them, but something was wrong.
There was nothing but an aching pull, it consumed all thought, it dragged him through blaring HUD notifications, brought him to consciousness in a body clearly not ready to be conscious.
But he had to know… he had to FIND them…
Prowl roused, finding himself in root mode. His vision was unfocussed and he couldn't get a read on his energon levels. He tried to move, feeling the brush of the twins' plating but struggling to find their link in his spark. It was there, but muted. They were not awake, it seemed they were sedated. The link was always quietest when they were sedated, but something else seemed to be muffling it, as if there was static in his spark.
The ache pulled him onward. It was like he'd found himself in a bizarre nightmare. There were tubes coming out of him, and he tried to pull them out. Some came free easily, just cables plugged in. Others had fluid, which spilled onto the berth and floor.
He didn't have time for this he needed to FIND them.
The basest instincts were driving him, forcing him to consciousness even as his processor threw up warning after warning.
Eventually he just transformed, the process slow and painful. It almost sent him back into unconsciousness, but the nagging code shut down all attempts by his body to fall offline.
I have to FIND them… why did they take them away from me…
He moved, one of his back legs barely responsive, but he could get about fine on three, even as slow and ambling as he was.
He didn't really pay attention to where he was, finding the door and pressing the open button with his forehead before making his way into the brightly lit corridor.
He squinted, optics sluggish to adjust to the light levels. Where were they? He still couldn't quite…
Prowl let his base instincts take over. He lifted his helm, drew a shaky ventilation, and called.
The sound was long, staggered, and almost mournful. It echoed through the halls, fading away.
He waited to try and catch a response. He remembered the sound. It would not be loud, but it would be enough… he desperately wanted to hear those tiny cries, he NEEDED to hear them…
When he heard nothing but the shuffling of pedes a distance away, he moved. He let the ache in his spark tell him where to go.
He was vaguely aware of other bots in the glittering hallways, skirting around him, but they barely registered.
He called again.
Only whispers and pede-falls answered, rushing by, moving away.
They couldn't help him.
He pressed on, calling and calling, never even hearing an echo of the response he was listening for.
Prowl eventually shuffled his way to a vast, open atrium, and called, voice weakening, vocaliser crackling and breaking when he tried to make it louder.
Where were they… where had they taken them, why couldn't he FEEL them, why was there only an empty, gaping pit of agony where he should be able to feel for them?
Prowl's strength could only take him so far.
He got halfway across the atrium full of whispering mechs and felt his legs give out.
He called again, the sound weak and strained.
And then there was the sound of running.
And suddenly a familiar E.M field enveloped him and he sighed.
Jazz will know, he'll know where they are, he'll know where they took them…
"Prowl oh frag, Prowl what are you doin?"
Servos slid over his frame, coming away wet with energon leaking from lines pulled unceremoniously from their inlets and wounds re-opened from transforming.
Prowl made the monumental effort to transform again, ending up with his torso pulled into Jazz's lap. One of Jazz's servos cradled his helm so he could see up into the blue visor, Jazz's face etched with worry.
"What the slag are you DOIN out here there's no way y'ready to be out of medbay. Slag Prowl your spark is too weak-"
"Where… where are they… I needed to find… I can't… feel them…"
Jazz looked stricken.
Something was wrong.
Something was horribly horribly wrong.
Jazz leant down, touching his helm to Prowls, his E.M field trying to lace into Prowl's as he fought to stop his frame from shaking.
"Prowl… Prowl I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry… we couldn't… they're gone… we tried but they didn't make it…"
Prowl suddenly felt as if the yawning void in his spark would swallow him.
There was buzzing in his audials, and he didn't know if the world beneath them was shaking itself to pieces or if it was just him.
He became vaguely aware of another field, some part of the back of his mind recognising Ratchet. There were servos on his frame again but he felt too numb to register anything besides Jazz's soft voice apologizing over and over as the ache in his spark seemed to consume him.
He didn't really know his vocaliser hissed with static and clicking sobs. He didn't know his claws sunk into whatever part of Jazz's armour they clutched at.
The last thing he was aware of was Optimus' field drawing close and enveloping him before he was taken once more by aching darkness.
Bumblebee couldn't stand it.
He ached to stay with Prowl, terrified his spark wouldn't remain stable, terrified he'd slip away while he wasn't there…
But he couldn't stand the guilt every time he looked at him.
It was HIS FAULT. Thunderwing had made him chose between him or the sparklings and Prowl had chosen him and now he was nearly dead and the sparklings had died right in front of him and it was his fault.
How could he stay in there after that? He didn't deserve to, and he didn't deserve treatment. They'd fixed up his caved in chest plating on the shuttle ride to the Prime compound, but he'd refused anything else. All the medics had been so pre-occupied either keeping Prowl alive or making sure their other patients brought from the hunting grounds were alright, it had been easy to slip away.
He had no idea where to go, but sneaking had been surprisingly easy in the ornate hallways. His bright paint, even as scuffed and energon stained as it was right now, blended well against all the shiny gold.
Eventually he found his way out to the grounds, where he discovered gardens full of crystals and copper and silver trees all lain out beautifully.
It gave him the perfect place to hide and wallow in his pain, both mental and physical.
Curled up under the spires of a giant citrine, he was hard to spot. Maybe he would stay there for a few days, see if anyone came looking. They probably wouldn't, he wasn't sure he wanted them to. Did they blame him too? Or was it just him?
His optics narrowed and he sighed as his hips and shoulder ached. He hadn't even realised the shot that went through Prowl's chest had gotten to him too until he'd transformed.
It was narrow but deep, most of the energy of the blast dispersing into Prowl before it reached him. The thought made him feel sick.
It had gotten right into the space between shoulder and neck and the arm on that side was stiff as a result.
It's only fair I feel it for as long as I can. I deserve it.
Bumblebee closed his optics, unable to stop the memory of the flashouts playing over and over in his head. Unable to forget the feel of Thunderwing's servos, unable to forget the feeling of Prowl's energon running hot across his frame.
He shuddered.
None of this was fair, NONE of it. Prowl had done EVERYTHING to keep them safe, he'd done EVERYTHING and MORE to get them all free… and then he had to take the fallout.
Bee knew it wasn't all his own fault. He knew he had no control over what Thunderwing had done, and he was angry at the others who'd failed Prowl too.
How DARE they not do more to keep him safe. How DARE they fail at the one job they'd been given. ALL of them.
INCLUDING the Prime.
Of all bots, the ONE person in that room who'd had the most power to protect Prowl had failed him, and Bumblebee wasn't sure if he could forgive him.
All the promises had come to nothing. They'd been led to believe they were well protected, and it had turned out they might as well have offered them up on a silver platter as far as Bumblebee was concerned.
He curled tighter in on himself as his shoulder stung more viciously, and clamped his plating and E.M field tight.
Despite his churning spark and processor, his exhaustion and energon loss caught up with him, and he fell into uneasy stasis.
FirstAid followed Hound anxiously. He'd never worked under another proper medic before, and he'd never had to deal with a patient going missing. Bots couldn't really just go missing in Shockwave's lab, Shockwave knew where they went, even if he hadn't always told FirstAid.
Aid knew, really… he knew Shockwave's verbal shorthands for 'they went to a different place' and 'I killed them'.
But this was different. Ratchet was about as far from Shockwave as a bot could get, and his anxiety over a patient going missing had transferred almost immediately to Aid, who took it as a personal mission to find them and bring them back.
Except of course, he had no idea of the first place to start looking on the massive estate. He'd been so relieved when Hound had volunteered to help. Ratchet hadn't been very keen on the idea simply because Hound should still be resting, but he had to admit they'd have a lot of trouble tracking Bee down without him.
It hadn't even taken Hound long to track Bumblebee's trail through the halls and out into the grounds, though worryingly that was because they were finding drops of energon to lead them.
Hound was surprised he'd even gotten so far out before anyone had noticed, but to be fair they'd had their servos full. Still, it concerned him that no one had paid Bumblebee particular attention, considering he'd also been attacked by Thunderwing, and viciously at that.
When he finally traced the small bot to a hole beneath a giant crystal, his ears and hackles flattened. Wolfmechs going to hide in holes was never a good sign. He dropped to the ground on his front, tilting his helm to see Bumblebee properly.
"Bee?" Hound's tone was soft, but the tiny mech still startled awake, pressing back into his hole and wincing. It seemed to take him a moment to recognise him.
"Hound?"
The green bot noticed a small pool of energon that had formed under Bumblebee and frowned.
"C'mon, come out of there, you need treatment."
Bee frowned at the puddle of energon and wouldn't meet Hound's optics.
"I'm fine. Prowl needs them more-"
"Prowl will have my head when he wakes up if he finds out I let you sit here bleeding away and you know it. C'mon, Aid's here to help, you don't have to go back up there immediately."
Bee finally gave him a morose sort of look and crawled up out of the hole stiffly.
FirstAid transformed and beckoned Bee to a bench. "I know it's probably not the best time but… it's nice to finally meet you while you're awake."
Bumblebee pad over gingerly and transformed with a soft hiss, sitting on the bench before turning confused optics on the red and white bot. He tilted his helm. "Wait… you're a medic AND a wolfmech?"
"We busted him and his siblings out of Shockwave's labs." Hound explained, moving to sit by the bench but remaining in wolf form.
Dawning comprehension lit Bee's features. "OH… oh… so wait, Shockwave had you working on bots in the lab? You worked on ME?"
"Several times, yes. Usually patching up whatever his tests did to you, once or twice adjusting your modules once he sold you. I'm going to start removing them from everyone tomorrow, but if you want I can do yours today. When we're back up in the medbay that is. For now though, may I?" he gestured to Bumblebee's shoulder.
Bee frowned slightly, opening his mouth before closing it again and nodding, shifting so Aid could get at the wound properly. Hound was right. If Prowl woke up (And primus he hoped he would) and found out he'd been refusing treatment he'd be upset with him.
FirstAid transformed his servo, a tool coming out of every digit. The first one he used was a tiny needle, which delivered a sedative that made Bee's whole body feel far less battered. The second was a small set of pliers he used to start pulling away slagged components in the wound. Another was a torch, which he shone down into it to assess the damage.
He hissed softly, giving Bee a concerned look. The only reason Bee knew it was a concerned look was being able to see the outline of his optics through his visor at such close range.
"Why didn't you get someone's attention for this sooner? You've got a main line deep in there that's melted open, it's a pretty serious slow leak. Your sensors aren't too damaged for you to feel that are they?"
"No my sensors are fine… I didn't want to pull focus from Prowl, he… he needed much more attention than me." He averted his optics, tail tucked and audials flat.
"Bee… you shouldn't punish yourself, it wasn't your fault-"
Bee pulled his E.M field in tighter. "He chose me, Hound… he chose me over them."
"You didn't pull that trigger. He never had the time to make a choice, you know he woulda chosen BOTH if he could. But you didn't pull that trigger, and even if he hadn't been trying to protect you, even if Thunderwing still had a hold of you, he still woulda done it. He would've killed Prowl by killing them and then he'd have killed you too. It's NOT your FAULT."
Bee stiffened, trying his hardest to control the shaking that was trying to overtake his frame, but the moment Aid pulled back from his shoulder, he curled in on himself, shaking like mad.
Hound transformed and knelt, wrapping his arms around Bumblebee and petting his back, rumbling soothingly.
Bumblebee didn't know how long they stayed like that. He didn't know what to do, or what to say. He just knew he hurt, and it wasn't something repairs or a sedative could fix.
Jazz had his helm in his servos, staring at the report in front of him but not really seeing it.
He drew in a long, slow ventilation and expelled it harshly, clearing his vents and rumbling his engine.
"Ah still don't know how the slag he's gotten away. CLEARLY he knows now, that it was me, and that he's gonna be in deep slag the moment we find him. But how he's just dropped off the face of the planet…" He threw a hand up and let it fall wearily to the desk.
"Jazz you need to rest. You've done enough. The warrants are out, the other units are moving to arrest nobles who weren't at the event and retrieve their packs. We can deal with Shockwave later-"
"Can we though Optimus? Or is he gonna move to a facility of his we don't even know about and start cleaning up evidence and makin' bodies out of bots we won't even get the chance to save? We have no idea yet just how many mechs he's trapped and experimented on… what if there's more amalgamations? Where's Grimlock? We still have no idea about ANY of it."
He looked up at the Prime, visor pale and dim. "Ah expected to go straight after him, when it was finished… part of me thinks I still should, 'cause if ah don't, who's got a hope in unicron's pit of findin' him in time?"
Optimus' expression was gentle, but he frowned. "You can't go after him when you're this worn out. There's too much of a chance you'll get yourself hurt-"
"It ain't that." Jazz murmured, shaking his head before dropping it back into a palm, rubbing at the corners of his visor. "It ain't that at all, I've worked in way worse shape… ah can't… I can't just leave when…"
He didn't want to finish that sentence. He didn't want to even speak the possibility that Prowl might still die. He'd already nearly killed himself in his half-delirious state trying to find the sparklings he'd lost. The memory of the sound he'd made echoing through the halls was enough to make his spark clench all over again.
"No. That's another reason to stay. And I think you should go and be close to him. Ratchet says the more familiar E.M fields around him the better. You know as well as I do that sometimes you can't afford to focus on saving potential lives when there's a real one in front of you that could be lost. We can only save the ones we know are in danger."
Optimus stood slowly, his own frame weary and feeling twice as heavy as it should. "Go and check in with Ratchet, I'll keep an audial on the comms. I have somewhere I need to be and unfortunately I don't think I can put it off any longer."
Jazz didn't ask where Optimus was going, he just nodded and dragged himself to his pedes. They both shuffled out the door, heading in opposite directions.
"Oh, hey, by the way-"
Optimus turned slightly as Jazz called back to him.
"-Say Hi to Elita for me yeah? Tell her she needs to visit more often."
Optimus gave him a wry smile and a nod before they carried on their separate ways.
"The slagging CHEEK of it, honestly. The code in the modules was only JUST different enough to trip up the fixes I wrote. I mean I KNOW he wasn't deliberately trying to thwart our efforts since it's clear the modifications were workarounds for the fact he was carrying… but it sure feels like a taunt."
Wheeljack stood at the main medical terminal, arms folded and frowning at the schematics he'd brought up. "Joke's on him though, his modifications didn't take into account the heightened effects of emotional subroutines on regular functions in a carrying bot. I'm not saying Prowl had an easy time breaking that Immobilizer, but he did a slagging DOOZY on it. Totally wrecked it. Glad the pain one wasn't used enough for him to do it to that too, but he would have, if he was really pushed."
Ratchet nodded, also frowning as he took in the specifics of the modules. The fact they even existed made him feel sick enough as it was. The fact Shockwave put time and effort into making it so they could be used more 'safely' on a carrying mech made his tank churn.
He'd always suspected a critical failure of Shockwave's morality subroutines, now he was beginning to think he didn't actually HAVE any to begin with. "So you said you hadn't seen anything like these until now FirstAid? They're actually prototypes?"
FirstAid, who had been busy cleaning up tools after the extraction to a standard so immaculate it both impressed and saddened Ratchet, turned to look over at them.
"Oh yeah, they're very similar on the outside and they go in the same place. They use the same basic board so they look identical, but the circuit setup is quite different. He had to have done them himself, I've never dealt with anything but standard ones."
Ratchet nodded, looking back up at the screen and pressing a few buttons, switching it to an overall assessment layout. They'd finally been able to run full scans on Prowl, finding all the code locks, modifications and shoddily repaired and replaced parts.
It still made Ratchet angry to see the list of things he had to repair once Prowl's spark was strong enough to take a few more in-depth surgeries. He'd have to make a few things from scratch as well, which would take time, but at least he had plenty of that.
Beside him, Wheeljack's engine made an unsettled sort of sound. "I take it you noticed the nanite activity record."
Ratchet's own engine revved angrily. "I honestly don't know how he or any of his pack functioned at such high levels on such garbage energon. But at least we can add system suppression via forced intake of insufficient energon to the list of charges against Thunderwing. And don't get me wrong, I'll be glad to see how their frames improve once we wean them onto full-strength regular energon… but I can't help thinking how much more… formidable they'll be once their processors and frames are running at peak for the first time in… possibly EVER for some of them."
Wheeljack gave Ratchet a slightly disapproving look. "C'mon, you're not buying into the noble's rhetoric about them being dangerous animals, surely? They're regular bots with what amounts to incurable viruses. That's it, they're not monsters who need leashing, you KNOW that."
Ratchet's face contorted into something between shame and worry. "Of course I know that. But… 'Jack you didn't SEE them out there fulfilling the potentials of their alt modes. The damage they can do is… I'm not so worried about Prowl himself, he's an entirely reasonable mech with more restraint than ME. But his twins are a bit… wildcard. And I have no idea how many more wildcards there are amoung them. They're not socialised to know exactly what is and isn't acceptable in general cybertronian society, and it'll only take ONE incident to potentially ruin the reputation of their whole caste. I'm not worried about what they'll do to US. I'm worried what the rest of Cybertron might try to do to THEM."
The engineer nodded sagely, helm panels flashing a thoughtful blue. He poked at the console, bringing up some of the processor related scans, frowning behind his mask.
"I don't like to think what's going on with these blocks. And I'm willing to bet we'll find more of them through the rest of their kind. These ones are worse than anything I've seen though."
"Do you think you'll be able to undo them? Is it SAFE to?"
"Oh Primus no, I can't touch these, they were put in by a mnemosurgeon. I'm going to take a not-so-wild guess and say it's Trepan's work. Not a lot of mnemosurgeons can do blocks THIS complex, and considering what he did to his own bots… isn't much of a stretch to assume Thunderwing asked him to lock some stuff down in his alpha to keep him compliant. We'll need a mnemosurgeon with just as much skill to fix that. And we can't guarantee there would BE any fixing it, we have no idea what exactly is being locked off, or why." Wheeljack sighed.
Ratchet shook his helm, expression sombre, and flicked through some other readings, falling on the spark readouts.
"I'm not looking forward to finding more of this, either." He pointed at some of the marked spots on the spark scan.
Wheeljack hummed his agreement, shaking his helm slowly. "That's more closed sparkling bond ports than I've ever seen on a single spark. I mean… that plus the fortified open bond ports he has with the twins is probably the only reason his spark didn't immediately collapse when the flashouts occurred… still no guarantee the lattice won't collapse the moment we take him off direct energon feed, but I do think he stands a strong chance of recovery."
"I slagging well hope he does. But it's not just the lattice structure difference keeping him out of the Well you know, look at this-"
Ratchet tapped at the console and brought up an entirely different set of readings for several other sparks. "I did a cursory scan on the rest of his pack. Look at how their fields auto-resonate, look how QUICKLY it happens. And here-"
He brought up more readings, none with spark scans, but E.M field recordings grouped together.
"I noticed this pattern when I was administering the codes to every pack in the stables. Each pack is like this to some degree. The ones that got on well with one another showed it more prominently, but there's no doubt… wolfmechs have an innate ability to sync up with each other. They seem to do it more with pack mates, sometimes former pack mates or close friends. The ONLY other caste I have seen with this level of auto-syncing E.M fields is Seekers. Without this, I doubt we'd have gotten Prowl's spark stabilised."
"Yeah, Shockwave did a loooooot of testing on that." FirstAid murmured, making Ratchet and Wheeljack both jump slightly. They hadn't noticed him standing just behind them, looking up at the readouts. "It'll all be in the logs Jazz and Rewind pulled, but encrypted to pit. He used to mix and match test packs to observe the levels to which E.M field syncs would occur. Didn't bother with me or my brothers, obviously, we'd only taint the data."
Wheeljack made a thoughtful sound at that, rubbing his facemask out of habit. "Yeah, I had a crack at decoding a bit of that, but it's going to take a while. Even with Rewind's help. Anyway…I suppose we'd better get to removing some of those regular modules then eh? Who's first on the list after Prowl… one of the twins maybe?"
"Ooooh, no, I wouldn't. Not without their express consent first." FirstAid shook his helm, visor bright, putting down the tool he'd been cleaning. "Those two do NOT have a good track record with individual surgeries, if you don't have them both sedated at the same time one of them WILL wake up and you WILL be attacked. Apart from that, they have not had great experiences with surgeries being done on them without their knowledge."
Ratchet frowned at Aid, concerned. "Are you saying you found that out first hand?"
"Oh, well, yes, but not how you think… I wasn't even performing surgeries yet, I was just being made to watch from outside. I saw them wake up on Shockwave only once. And that was because he'd had a seal breech on one of the gassing stalls, so Sideswipe wasn't as out of it as he should have been. He took Shockwave's arm clean off before Shockwave managed to sedate him properly. I doubt Sideswipe remembers any of it, but it definitely instilled me with a sense of 'do not screw up with those two EVER'."
"That's what I meant about them being wildcards, I did call it" Ratchet murmured, fiddling with the console again.
"Primus", Wheeljack's helm fins flashed pale yellow, "Good to know beforehand. Well… what about Inferno, or Trailbreaker?"
"Actually, Bumblebee said he'd be alright with us taking his out next." Aid quipped cheerily. "Shall I go get him?"
Ratchet looked over at their tool set and hummed thoughtfully. "I might have to go get the smaller tool set first, it's been a while since I've worked on a frame that small-"
"Oh, no need, I can do it all with my on-boards if you like. It's the main thing I was kitted out to do after all, Shockwave didn't want to waste his time on something that routine, I have a bunch of size sets installed, I can have it done in two or three breems"
Ratchet gave him a very impressed look. "Well then, by all means. I don't suppose you mind me observing? Just to get a feel for your surgical technique?"
Aid shrugged. "Doesn't bother me, you watching makes me WAY less nervous than when Shockwave used to watch me work."
"Well that's… good to hear." Ratchet gave Wheeljack a slightly sad look at that, the engineer tilting his helm with a lilac flash of his helm fins.
"If it makes you feel any better FirstAid, I never liked working with or around that fragger either. And he wasn't even holding me hostage." Wheeljack added, "I should probably watch as well. If you can do it on your own. I'm sure two old bots like me and Ratch can get the hang of it. And if we can all do individual removals at the same time it'll get done a lot faster."
Optimus sat in the sacred chamber of the temple of Primus and stewed in his thoughts.
He didn't know if he was just too tired to hear whatever Primus might be trying to whisper to him through the matrix and its many voices, or if his own god was ignoring him.
He'd been there at least a cycle now, looking for answers and finding only his own thoughts circling around themselves. Never before had the secret sanctum offered him so little comfort. Not that he'd had too many opportunities to use it so far, but this visit had been the least productive, and the most disappointing.
A sound behind him had him opening his optic shutters, but he knew Elita's E.M field before she'd even opened the door. His shoulders sagged as if in defeat and he relaxed from his meditative posture.
"Not taking your calls then?"
Optimus rumbled, partly amused, partly frustrated. "No. Not today, of all days. I'm even wondering at this point if it's worth trying to go down the levels to try and find the core in person and see if I can still be ignored shouting directly at them."
She sighed softly, closing the door behind her and walking over to kneel behind him and drape over his shoulders.
He sagged comfortably under her weight. Every single time she enveloped him with frame and field he was reminded of how much he loved her being larger than him. Everything about her made him feel safe, and loved.
At least Primus had done one thing right, choosing him… and that was making Elita the messenger. It was a lot harder to be angry at having that sort of burden placed on him when Elita had been the one to physically place it. Staying angry at her for anything was a futile exercise.
"Primus will answer. Eventually. If they're quiet right now it's either because you're not ready to hear what they have to say, or because whatever this path is going to take you through isn't over yet. You may have many more different things to say to them later." She kissed the back of his helm and moved to rest her chin on his shoulder. "It could be they're just saving you from saying out loud to them something you may regret later."
"I want to believe that. But I don't know that I'm ever going to regret 'what the slag is up with the mechalycancy thing anyway' as a question."
"Well… they could also just be stalling for time because they don't actually KNOW and need to find out first" she snickered, kissing at his cheek-guard. "There's not much point waiting here any longer though, if they were going to talk to you they would have by now. Come on… I think what you REALLY need right now to relax is for me to throw you around the acolyte ranking room."
"Actually I think you might be right. I do feel the need to get my aft handed to me." He drawled half-jokingly, taking the servo she offered to help him up when her weight lifted from his shoulders.
"Don't worry, I might let you beat me once or twice. But you're not getting any tattoos for it."
"As if there was any room after all the etchings the matrix already put all over my protoform. Couldn't even find a space for a spare 'I love my sparkmate' glyph if I wanted to", his tone fully teasing now.
She made a sound of mock offense, poking at his chestplates. "No use you trying to insult me when I know your spark casing is dominated by that exact glyph, etched in there by the matrix itself, so even PRIMUS knows how much you love me and you can't deny it."
Optimus chuckled, letting himself be taken by the servo and led towards the back rooms of the temple. Some part of him felt guilty for being there, for failing to contact Primus, and for feeling so… at ease around his sparkmate.
But he also knew he wouldn't be much help to anyone if he didn't unwind from his heightened state of anxiety. And getting beaten up by his bonded WAS oddly relaxing.
"All out then?"
Trailbreaker wandered over sluggishly and flopped down on the berth next to Inferno, who was petting a sleeping Bumblebee curled in his lap.
"Yeah. Still kinda floored we all had the three except for Bee."
Inferno nodded and hummed in agreement. "He would have put the pain and kill ones in during final frame upgrade, I'm so glad he couldn't while he was still third frame. Explains why he always threatened Prowl to get Bee to do what he wanted."
Trailbreaker rumbled softly. "I don't even want to think about it. I don't want to think about him. Change of subject… did Aid find any uuuuh, weird blocks in your code during the systems check?"
Inferno blinked down at the black mech, audials twitching curiously. "Nnnno? One or two memory blocks, not super complex, but no weird code blocks. Why, what did they find in you?"
"They don't know. Wheeljack seemed kinda… excited about it? He says he's gonna look over it and find out what it's there to inhibit."
"Inhibit?"
"That's what he said. I have no idea, maybe it's just a mod to limit my energon usage, that's what Aid suggested. He said it's not something he was ever involved in applying, and Shockwave never had him deal with it in any way." Trailbreaker shrugged his hackles.
"Did they say if it's in any of the others? Bee? The Twins?" Inferno looked down at the yellow and black bundle curled up in his lap, frowning. It didn't make much sense to have energy consumption limiters on the minibot, since he already used less energon than the rest of them.
"Yes to Prowl and the Twins, no on Bee. Anyway, Wheeljack said he'll get back to me as soon as he figures it out. It'll probably be soon if his enthusiasm is any measure of his skills at breaking codes. Kinda like the bot, I can see why he's friends with Jazz and Ratchet." Trailbreaker snickered, systems coaxing him to go into recharge again thanks to the lingering sedatives in his lines.
Inferno was quickly left to stew in his own thoughts again, staring unseeingly at Prowl's frame. The med-ward filled with nothing but the distant clatter of the surgery area and the soft sounds of the machines doing half the work of keeping Prowl alive.
Jazz sat on one of the wheeled stools that usually tucked under the benches with medical equipment lining one of the ward's walls.
He had his helm resting on his arm at the head of the berth Prowl was in. A servo was outstretched along one edge to stroke gently over a doorwing where it splayed beneath the unconscious mech.
According to Ratchet there was no way the mech would be waking again for at least an orn. The twins, despite not sustaining much in the way of injuries themselves, were not likely to be awake often in that time either.
They lay on the berth pulled up close to Prowl's, facing each other. Bumblebee was tucked up against Sunstreaker's back, Inferno and Trailbreaker curled up against each other in wolf mode on a berth on the opposite side.
The depth of the twin's link to Prowl had surprised even Ratchet. Not many creators kept bonds THAT strong with their sparklings, but considering the conditions they'd been living under for most of the twin's lives it hardly surprised Jazz.
Trailbreaker had admitted that not being able to pile together was making them all somewhat uncomfortable, but they'd manage for now while they couldn't risk damaging the cables surrounding Prowl. The admission had upset Jazz more than he'd expected, and he wished he could do something more for them.
He doubted Ratchet truly understood the actually intimacy of their pack bond. All six of them had been pressure welded together in that compound for decavorns. They were really all any of them had against Thunderwing and everything he'd done to them. Of COURSE the progenitor-sparkling link would be strong. Primus, Prowl didn't even HAVE that link to Bumblebee and he'd still-
Jazz screwed his optic shutters tight beneath his visor and leant forward, touching his helm to the crest of Prowl's.
He wanted to be there to help them, to support them, but the guilt made him feel like he didn't deserve to even be near them. Not only had he failed to protect BOTH of them… he'd found out from Ratchet that Bumblebee had been practically forgotten about, hiding in the gardens and bleeding away, none of his injuries from Thunderwing attended to. The only reason anyone had realised he was gone was because Inferno had asked where they'd taken him.
He felt disgusted with himself for being so focussed on Prowl and Shockwave that he'd forgotten one of the bots he'd promised to protect. A bot he'd already failed to protect from his primary attacker. A bot that wasn't even in his final frame and had been pivotal in Jazz finding out who he really was.
The only reason he hadn't gone to bury himself in paperwork and shame was Ratchet. He'd insisted his field was necessary to Prowl's stability, and that he should be there as often as possible.
Jazz had tried to argue with him, which was usually pointless at the best of times, but then Inferno and Trailbreaker had chimed in and insisted he was right. And he was hardly going to argue with them.
Prowl's entire pack was generally somewhere in the room at all times, barring Bumblebee when he'd snuck off. Jazz didn't really blame him, certainly not after Hound had quietly explained what had happened when they found him.
Jazz's spark ached at the thought that Bee blamed himself for any of it. Bee should be blaming HIM after all. But he supposed it just solidified to him that he and Bumblebee were somewhat alike. Their first instinct upon feeling they'd failed someone they loved was to go and hide and wallow in shame.
Someone I love…
Jazz buried his face in his arm, the slow stroking of Prowl's wing not stopping.
Is this love? Do I really have the right to call it that? We haven't known each other long enough for that, have we? Do I DESERVE to call it that?
He lifted his helm and looked over Prowl's frame. There were cables and tubes trailing from his chest, neck and helm, all draped carefully so as not to tangle, leading off to a machine quietly pinging and beeping away off to the side.
The thought that the stability of his spark was still so tentative that it necessitated half those monitoring leads made his spark contract painfully. He knew what guilt felt like. And he knew this ran so much deeper than just that.
Would it hurt this much if I didn't love him?
"Any luck so far?"
"UGH. No. I HATE this. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to have memories that are just text markers with no visuals or footage? Like… I KNOW he had me film a whole BUNCH of this slag, and I KNOW that I SAW everything he did but I can't… SEE it when I THINK about it, it's like I'm glitching but I KNOW it's because he set the recording to my temp storage and blocked it from my memory banks and then removed the footage."
RedAlert had already grown rather accustomed to Rewind's run-on explanations and twitchiness. He wasn't sure exactly why he'd already grown so fond of the smaller wolfmech… it might have been his size triggering the base instinct that was puppy haze, or it might just have been that he was seeing a little of himself in the bot. Or he just forgot what having an amiable pack companion felt like.
Either way, he was already comfortable enough with the smaller mech to wander over and plop a servo on his helm, rubbing circles behind his audials where he sat in front of a large computer terminal. Jazz had set it up especially for Rewind, who had mostly been delighted that he could USE the computer instead of just being plugged straight into its data-terminal.
"Oof, you are running FAR too hot. You need a break before you melt that huge little processor."
Rewind made the tiniest disgruntled whuffing noise and pressed into the helm massage. "M'only at HALF the temperature Shockwave used to run me for data transfers. Got extra heat sinks, m'fine."
"That may be so, but you're also not under any obligation to get this stuff done immediately, so you have no excuses not to take breaks."
Rewind made an indistinguishable mumbling noise before sighing and unplugging the cable from the back of his neck and setting it on the desk. "FFFFFIIIIIIIINNNNNNEEEE. I guess my energon stores are a little low."
Red offered his arm and Rewind nimbly climbed up onto the bigger wolfmech's shoulder.
"When was the last time you had any energon?" Red asked lightly, fishing in his subspace and producing a rust stick, which Rewind sniffed suspiciously when offered.
"MMmmmm… night I got here? When Jazz brought us all in." He took the stick, opening his mask and giving it a tentative nibble. His visor lit up, audials perking, and he chewed at it in earnest. "SLAG this is GOOD what IS this?"
"Primus Rewind that was 3 days ago… also isn't it though? Jazz introduced me to them the night he freed me, they're rust sticks. I always carry some around, they make great snacks, lots of minerals. Great if you don't like to hunt and eat to get your base metals."
Rewind nodded, happily chomping away at the stick as Red wandered out into the corridors, heading wherever he'd decided they should be taking their break. The other bot had been taking in all documents they'd been recovering that weren't encrypted and sorting them meticulously. It had turned out he was not only very good at being a data clerk, he enjoyed it too.
"Relax Red. I'm WAY more energy efficient than any other wolfmech. I'm teeny, I run on hyper efficient batteries, not an engine. Technically I don't even need energon more than once an orn if I'm in dormant storage mode, and the batteries can technically be charged off a regular outlet. The energon just does all the other usual stuff, like mineral exchange and nanite replenishment and all that." He waved a servo as he explained, half his words oddly pronounced around the rust stick.
RedAlert wandered out into the main courtyard, crossing it through the geometric paths and carefully crafted and sculpted artistic crystal formations. "Wait, I only just realised… do you have three modes?"
"Uh-huh. Root, Wolf and Memory Stick. TECHNICALLY I was a memory stick BEFORE I was a wolf. Ironically, don't remember much of my life pre infection. Not sure if that was the infection's doing or Shockwave's. I DO know he had to do a lot of messing about with my code to get my original root mode BACK."
"Hmm. Wonder if how he did that is in the coded files."
"Oh it will be, somewhere. He's a stickler for documentation, which, y'know, HOPEFULLY will be his downfall. Why, do you also want to turn into a memory stick?" Rewind snickered, finishing off the rust stick and licking his digits.
"Not really no… but having a mode with wheels might be nice. Wheeljack DID say something about checking into our base code to see if we still had markers for our original determined alt modes."
"Booo wheels are overrated. But also he's probably right, I'm sure Shockwave has notes about that in there somewhere… UGH, I just want to crack all those files OPEN already but you're right, I need a break, I need to stop talking about him and thinking about him and where ARE we going anyway?"
"Felt like you should probably finally meet some other Wolfmechs. Heading to the wing for guest suites everyone's staying in at the moment temporarily."
"Everyone? As in… EVERYone? All the bots freed at the event?"
"MmmHmm"
"Oh, neat."
"So we can't see him?"
FirstAid wasn't really prepared for this… He was glad Hotspot had decided to come and check on him the moment he sensed his spike in anxiety.
The gestalt were well used to their own company, but not particularly well socialised with any other wolfmechs. So when Ironhide and Ultra Magnus had shown up at the door of the medbay asking Aid all kinds of questions, he really wasn't sure how to handle it.
He would have called on Ratchet or Wheeljack, but they were both currently busy removing control modules.
He knew neither of these bots probably had any idea he'd worked on them before, so probably didn't hold any ill will towards him. But that didn't change the fact they were both very LARGE and ALPHAS and therefore EXTREMELY imposing, especially in their root modes. At least with Hotspot there, who was equally massive, he felt some measure of reassurance.
"I mean… Ratchet said he wanted to keep visitor numbers down because he didn't want random nosey bots coming to 'gawk' at Prowl. He didn't say anything about other wolfmechs wanting to visit but… I mean… there's not a lot you can do? He's not going to wake up for some time, and the rest of his pack are currently recharging… if you really want to I suppose you can come back a bit later and we can check with Ratchet?"
Ironhide gave Magnus a slightly worried look. "Ah mean… yeah, we could. Just that we got no idea how long we're all gonna be stayin' here. We got told by RedAlert they're tryin' to organise transports for us all to our new… apartments… still feels weird t'say that. Anyway we got told we'd be shipped out once all the medchecks and module removals are done. We wanted t'see them before we had to leave is all."
Aid shared a look with Hotspot and got a helm tilt in way of a shrug.
"Well… so far as I know I don't think the idea was to move you all with great urgency, but I haven't really been told anything about that so… I guess it can't hurt? I mean you both know him and his pack… quick visit can't hurt I suppose."
Ironhide beamed, Magnus giving a grateful bow of his helm. "Y'the best. We just wanna… y'know, see how he is in the metal, return to the others with word that he's okay. Everyone holed up in the guest rooms ain't heard anythin' since we got here about how he n' his pack are doin, y'know?"
"They haven't? I thought Hound would have said something, he's the one who's been in and out." FirstAid responded quietly, making a motion to indicate they keep their voices down as he led the way to the corner of the darkened medbay that had been screened off to afford Prowl and his pack some privacy.
"Ain't seen much o'Hound t'be honest. Expect he's too busy with his new bonded" Ironhide snorted softly, but his tone was gentle, and he was clearly very amused by the fact the green alpha hadn't even been able to wait for emancipation before bonding to Mirage. Not a single wolfmech had been surprised when the news was accidentally broken by Nautica.
As soon as they rounded the screens, all amusement dropped from Ironhide's field, and Magnus made an almost distressed rumbling sound.
Aid wasn't wholly surprised by the reaction. Hound and Mirage had been the same the first time they'd been in to see how the pack was doing, not long after they'd gotten Prowl stabilised.
Prowl's condition had barely changed since, but that was at least a positive sign. His spark wasn't fluctuating wildly, it was simply not strong. Undoubtedly without the life support he was hooked up to, he would not remain so stable, but he at least had the chance to begin recovery so long as he was.
"It isn't right…"
Aid had never heard Magnus speak. He didn't really expect the softness to his tone, or the distress in his field.
Ironhide pat the larger bot's shoulder, his own field tinged with sorrow and regret.
"No… no it aint. Not after what he did for us. Ah still… I don't have the faintest idea how he hid it… from EVERYONE. Ah've seen dozens o'carrying mechs and I could pick it every time… but not this time. Not with him."
Magnus sighed, turning to FirstAid, voice still incredibly soft. "How far were they along?"
Aid extended his field sympathetically, echoed by Hotspot. "About an orn away from second stage. It was far too early for them to separate. They may not even have survived if the chamber duct hadn't been damaged so badly, spark casings haven't finished forming at that stage usually."
Magnus bowed his helm again, grief clear on his face.
Ironhide's gaze had shifted to the other pack members, scattered across two berths either side of Prowl's. "How are they takin' it?"
"The Twins have such an unusually strong creation bond that they're unconscious almost as much as Prowl. The other three refuse to leave his side. At this stage… I wouldn't recommend they do, but at some point they'll need to start taking it in shifts, they can't stay cooped up in here for orns on end. We have no idea how long the recovery process will be."
Ironhide nodded in response to Aid, sighing again. "On the one servo… miraculous he even survived at all. But on the other, I mean… it's Prowl, of COURSE he did. Knowing him, he won't stand to take an age to spring back. Ah mean look what he did after that back break he got. Slagger doesn't even know how to stay down, Primus bless 'im."
"A broken back is a lot different to a damaged spark." Magnus murmured quietly, optics trailing over all the wires connected to the unconscious alpha. "I still don't understand why he hid them."
"S'cause he thought if Jazz found out the whole event would be postponed, n' iff the twins found out they'd go feral on Thunderwing." A small, groggy voice responded, Bumblebee's wolvish head poking over and resting on Trailbreaker's arm.
"Oh, sorry Bumblebee, didn't mean t'wake ya-"
"Y'didn't, s'fine. Haven't really been recharging much to be honest." He murmured, optics flicking over to Prowl and back.
"Did you say… he didn't even tell the Twins? How did he manage to hide it from them given the bond." Magnus tilted his helm, fully confused.
"Yeah, they worked it out. He could shield them from feeling it when he was awake, but not in recharge. They knew the feeling, they worked it out, worked out why he wasn't telling them, decided it was best to let me know and for the three of us to just… not mention it if he wasn't going to. He was stressed enough, we didn't want to add to that."
Ironhide had shuffled over as he spoke, extending his field in sympathy and reaching out to pet Bee's head. Bee had always liked Ironhide, even if they hadn't met more than two or three times. He'd been in a pack with Trailbreaker and Inferno a long time ago, and they'd told him about every story of the stuff they'd gotten up to together.
"So he didn't tell anyone outside o'the pack, n' he couldn't even tell half his pack. Gotta say, I am amazed the twins didn't try n' rip Thunderwing apart when they figured it out."
"They wanted to. They were trying to make plans… I stopped them. I told them that was exactly why Prowl hadn't told them, and they couldn't risk it when we were so close to getting free… honestly not sure if I should have just helped them plan it instead."
Magnus rumbled softly, moving to stand at the foot of the berth Bee was on with Inferno and Trailbreaker. "It could have changed the course of the whole emancipation plan. You did the right thing Bumblebee… even if it hurt you, even after what happened… we're here because you and Prowl and your whole pack made the right decisions. And trust me… everyone in the guest housing is waiting to thank you. ALL of you."
Bumblebee wanted so badly for their kind words and soothing fields to ease his guilt. But he knew there was only one bot who could do that, and he doubted he'd be recharging much until he could apologise.
There was no clean way to wake up from what he'd been through.
His spark didn't seem to want to power his processor all the way. It didn't seem to even want him to be conscious enough to process how much it ached.
But Prowl was aware. At least in some way, in the bits and pieces he could glean during the agonisingly slow process of coming back, he knew there was something terribly wrong… knew his body and processor were stalling the inevitable.
They were gone.
And in their place was a massive, gaping void that consumed all of his haptic input, maxing out the bandwidth with nothing but pain signals.
Any attempt to try and think about anything beyond the gaping subspace wound that let his life force trickle away into an unknown void was shut down. There wasn't enough energy to spare to get him beyond it.
It was a special sort of hell.
Prowl had no idea how long he stayed there, in that half waking purgatory where all he knew was the agony of his life-force bleeding away. It seemed like eternity. He felt himself teetering on the edge of that endlessness… knowing he couldn't call the sparklings back, wondering if he could stop himself giving in to the pull of it and following them, wondering if he could really keep it from consuming him when it promised an end to the aching.
But at some point he could feel pulling, beyond the constant stream of pain signals, something familiar dragging him desperately away from the edge of that darkness that he'd been staring into.
Something woke up enough to remind him why he couldn't afford to let himself fall into the chasm.
They are waiting for me.
Prowl knew this was the worst pain he'd ever been in. Knew he was skirting the edge of death.
And he knew he couldn't let it take him, because he'd be damned if he'd leave the twins like that... leave any of his pack like that.
He took hold of every ounce of energy he had and dragged himself up, away from the void. He spent what felt like an eternity clawing his way up through the darkness, pressing past the warnings, forcing his frame to obey, wrangling his processor in slow motion to do what he wanted.
It felt like swimming through tar, with no real idea which way was up, all sensors whited out.
Somewhere along the way he started getting them back. In bits and pieces, he'd force a connection to part of his sensor array. Then he'd connect his audials and lose the sensors, or he'd connect optics and lose audio.
It took a while before he could run any two at once, and even then the responses to his commands were agonisingly slow. So much so it rendered his sensors practically useless.
He kept trying.
At some point something changed regarding his energy input, and turning his frame back on seemed to get a little easier, although everything seemed to function in some sort of haze. He felt slightly disconnected from himself. Slightly disconnected from the pain, too, but it didn't really help with concentrating.
A trade off. He could deal with that.
In all the effort it had taken before to just get things working again, he'd not really been able to absorb or retain the input he'd gathered. Not in detail anyway. He knew when there were voices, knew when there were touches, knew that there were familiar spark fields constantly orbiting him to some degree, but he couldn't identify anything solidly.
Until now.
He was finally able to put names to the E.M field he felt twining with his. The twins, he knew them even when his processor failed to throw up their names (And Primus that had been causing him more anxiety than he'd been able to consciously process until now). They were close. Pretty much on top of him, actually, if his numbed haptic sensors were to be believed.
It occurred to him in some vague line of code at the back of his mind that he was probably drugged. It would explain the disconnect. He wasn't sure how he felt about it. He actually wasn't sure how he felt in general.
When he engaged his optics and audials at last, it was like surfacing from the tar, only to realise the tar was electrified.
He had to immediately turn the receptiveness of his optics down, glad his vocaliser hadn't engaged yet since the pain seemed to intensify very suddenly once he engaged all his sensors at once.
He heard rather urgent beeping and blipping sounds and had no real idea what they were, so ignored them. He was far more intent on the armour that he felt shifting against his.
Focussing proved a challenge his optics were just not up for at the moment, but it didn't really matter. He knew the red and gold smudges that hovered over him. Felt their relief in his spark and their careful touches.
He tried to lift a servo to touch them back, reassure them that today was not the day he would leave them for the well… but his energy levels weren't quite up to such an ambitious goal just yet, and his arm simply flopped weakly at his side.
/It's okay, don't move. There's a lot of wires coming out of you/
He wasn't entirely sure if it was Sideswipe or Sunstreaker speaking. They must have synced recently, they both seemed to be thinking and feeling everything in unison at the moment.
It took him far longer than he liked to initiate a response through his comm, since his vocaliser kept refusing to do anything beyond spitting static.
/How long?/
/An Orn and a half/
Servos touched his helm, stroking soothingly between his audials. He knew Sunstreaker's touch, and he could hear Sideswipe saying something to Ratchet as the newly familiar E.M field came into range.
His processor was so sluggish he really couldn't process words out loud, deciding instead to stick with comms bolstered by spark bonds. He doubted if anyone else but he twins tried to talk to him across comms that he'd have much luck processing their words that way either.
/It's okay. We told Ratchet you can't really understand anyone else right now. He says he can't do much more for the spark pain/
Prowl gave a glyph of acknowledgement, letting his processor try to pick everything up before pushing to try and feel for others in the room. Inferno and Trailbreaker were there, behind the twins, pulsing their fields around him as if to anchor him.
He appreciated it greatly, since his own field was so weak and frayed. Controlling the output was impossible, trying to push it just caused more pain.
/Where's… Bee?/
Sideswipe ducked out of sight as Sunstreaker continued his soothing helm stroking. There was some murmured words, and Sunstreaker rumbled softly beside him. Across the bond Prowl felt their disquiet, but soon there were transforming sounds and Sideswipe emerged with a bundle of blurry yellow and black, placing it carefully next to him on the berth, mindful of all the cables.
/He thinks you lost the sparklings because of him/ Sideswipe supplied gently, both he and Sunstreaker unsure if now was the time to even mention it.
Prowl couldn't shield them from the pain of his spark injury. They knew the moment he realised where Bumblebee's headspace had been and his spark ached as if someone had driven something into it. He saw them sway slightly at the force of it, but pressed on through the ache.
It took all of his concentration to force his servo to grasp Bumblebee's, the young bot's optics a much paler blue than normal as he finally locked optics with Prowl.
/NOT your fault. NEVER your fault./
Bumblebee's armour rattled against his as the bot shifted to curl against Prowl's side. Prowl forced his thumb to rub over the back of Bee's servo. It was the most movement he could manage. /I will always love you. Always. It was never your fault. Nothing he did was your fault/
Her tail twitched.
Should she?
No.
… maybe?
NO. medics were bad. Always bad. She'd recover. Maybe she'd just steal some more medical supplies from a shuttle, the ones here were terribly guarded considering…
But then again…
The yellow one was INSIDE. Probably in whatever medical rooms they had in there. She doubted she'd see him again like she had when she got there. Damn that green one and FirstAid for getting to him first.
She could wait. They wouldn't be in there forever. Maybe she'd sneak in, maybe she wouldn't.
There was plenty of game out in the gardens to sustain her for now. And her spark stopped doing that annoying buzzing thing so long as she was a bit closer to her sibling.
The loud feelings were almost as annoying though.
Ricochet huffed, slinking off into the copper bushes to find some petrorabbits.