well, Well, WELL! Things got a little interesting in the last chapter didn't they? I realize it's caused some confusion as well, so I've listed a few clarifications. I offer a lot more background in on my facbeook thanks to the wonderful readers who ask very important questions! Feel free to add me and join the fun. Search: Nadia R. Paleseptember10

1. Reynolds is Lillian's strange bedfellow and babydaddy

2. Sawyer and Reynolds were her CPO's, often alternating duty.

3. Sawyer and Reynolds were supposed to go to the Maldives and that's what Lillian knew however Reynolds suggested adding a female CPO (jane caruso - she's pretty solid too) closer to the date of Ana leaving (the reasoning behind is not mentioned in the story but it's mostly to keep an eye on Lillian.) Which is why Lillian was so shocked when he came to her apartment with his boss.

4. Carrick has blue eyes but is not the Boss behind Reynolds.

5. BlueEyes/Boss/Sir has only been monitoring CG since very recently. Mostly after he went public with reason behind that will be revealed eventually. He is also only after CG however, Ana's sudden appearance on the scene makes things interesting.

6. Ana's past is not entirely in play yet but will be explored.

7. I like the Welch theory and that's all i'm gonna say about it ;)

8. Prescott and Ryan are solid. So are Alice and Jose. No one in Ana's life/little family is against her. That's her protective bubble.

9. Christian losing his phone that night he met Ana has no bearing on this story. Nor was he being watched or monitored by anyone!

I thought of you and where you'd gone

After replying to Ana's email, the following morning Christian found himself at the front door of John Flynn's office. He was greeted by his therapist who was still rubbing his eyes a little and trying to stifle a yawn.

"Did I wake you John?" Christian smirked as he followed him inside.

"I know you meant that sarcastically because you don't care but yes, you did. Saturday mornings are mine to sleep in. That's the deal I have with Rhiann." He shared, taking a gulp of his coffee. It was 8am. It was too early.

Christian bit his cheek and remained silent.

"I can't wait for Belle to ruin your mornings." He grumbled and prepared his iPad to take notes.

Christian laughed at that. "Well, she's an early riser like me so it's been great."

"You're still young, wait a few more years." John intoned.

Christian told John everything that happened last night, leaving nothing out. By the time he was done, John was fully awake.

"Quite the revelatory Friday. It seems to be an emerging pattern in your life as of late."

"You think?" Christian rubbed his face before he lay down on the couch and blew out a breath.

"I'm glad you're not going to the Maldives. You're giving her what she's asked for."

"Well, what about what I fucking need? Don't I deserve a chance to explain myself? Some reprieve?"

"You're right, you deserve the right to be heard but she's also said that she'll meet you with her lawyers when she comes back."

That annoyed Christian even more.

"How do you want this situation to play out ideally?" John asked.

"I want her to look past all this and realize that…." Christian trailed off.

"Would you look past all this? Would you have, with your abandonment issues and general personality, calmly waited and asked questions?"

Christian remained silent, sulking almost. He knew he would have flown off the handle. Just like he did when she went on a date.

"Your silence is telling."

He didn't want to talk about this anymore. It was useless. He would have to sulk around for 10 more days till she came back.

"I've been thinking about my birth mother as of late." He shared rather quietly.

John's eyebrows shot up. "You've never referred to her as your birth mother before."

It was true, he always used the term crack-whore. In the past two and half years, he major breakthrough had been the fact that he realized what Elena did was wrong. The way he practiced BDSM was wrong along with the intentionality behind it, and that the pimp was no longer able to hurt him but memories and resentment of his birth mother still remained. It was that plateau he couldn't move from.

Christian swallowed and closed his eyes. "Seeing Ana and getting to know her story from youtube and herself in person… how she's been fighting after I abandoned her. It made me wonder about Ella. We've never been able to find out much about her but she was only 16 when she had me and god knows what her story was… I…" he paused.

"You feel empathy for her?" John asked.

Christian only nodded. "I've been mad at her for all these years, punishing her but… I mean, I've always had empathy."

"Performative empathy, Christian." John interjected.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you throw money at the problem. You donate to organizations that help women like your birth mother but yet you have no empathy for her as a person and now that Ana is back in your life and gave birth to your daughters and lost one of them… well, it's provided you with a reason to be introspective. That's healthy."

"Yeah, I guess." He mumbled. "I want to move on from this hatred and anger I've been holding on to when it comes to her. I'm never going to know what her story was but it couldn't have been that great if that's how she ended up."

"Do you want to forgive her because you want Ana to ultimately forgive you?"

Christian closed his eyes. It was the truth. "I don't think she'll ever forgive me."

"If that was the case, she wouldn't have let you close or begin to share the privacy of her life with you and tell you about Spencer."

"I just want to… I want so badly to fix everything and shit keeps happening." He threw his arm over his forehead with a clenched fist.

"Christian, it hasn't even been a month. You both only knew each other for a few hours and then a lot of life happened for her. Your personal life progressed rather slowly and then you both have your histories and now a child. Children are an all consuming experience and you both have your schedules, it's two lives colliding with each other. It will take time for the dust to settle and for you both to get in sync.

"Still, the wait is killing me." he huffed.

"What about intimacy?"

"Well, Ana is fighting me on that. She doesn't want to have sex but yes, i'm able to be close with her without fear. I know she won't touch me where i'm not comfortable but even when she did back then, it didn't burn. It doesn't make me nervous, if that's what you're asking."

"Well, I'm happy to hear that but that's not entirely what I meant. What I wanted you to explore the evolution of your sexual journey."

"What about it? Elena roped me into BDSM and then with Ana, yes I was a little drunk but I had my first vanilla experience and I liked it." he shrugged.

"Well, yes, when looked at simply that is quite literally what happened but I suppose if we were to look a little deeper, you'd see that at a time when you were struggling, Elena took your anger at your birth mother and reinforced it into this vicious cycle through BDSM and that did not bring you any peace. Yes it was an outlet, albeit a wrong one but you still struggled. With Ana, she met you in a similar moment of crisis in your life and she provided you with comfort, she took care of you. She showed you genuine kindness without ulterior motive and yes it led to sex which ended up being transformative and a healthier experience. She made you think beyond the image you had created for yourself. It was a taste of what peace could feel like. What you initially should have had in your adolescence with someone your age."

"Except, I fucking waited too long." He clenched his teeth and closed his eyes in anger at himself.

"That is true but you have a chance at redemption and evolution now." John reminded him.

"I know we can get past the Lillian thing but the BDSM is going to be a hard sell. She said she was afraid of me. God know what Lillian fucking told her. It sickens me that she's afraid of me John... " He said thickly and shook his head.

As a Dom, all he wanted to do was instill fear in his subs. He got off on it but the thought of Ana fearing him was abhorrent. The thought her recoiling from his touch in fear was even more disturbing to him.

"Again, Christian, all she needs is reassurance and yes it will be an uphill battle but this is an opportunity for you to grow as well. Take it as a challenge to exercise patience and to better yourself for both of them."

On Sunday afternoon, Christian went over to Tribeca to take Ava for an ice-cream date.

"I hear Aunty Ana is mad at you." Ava stated the obvious while sitting next to Christian on a bench in the park while her feet dangled off the ground.

"You need to keep your ears to yourself." Christian smirked and took a bite of his ice cream. They had gone for the Ana special. Vanilla ice-cream with chocolate fudge.

"I can't, I'm my mothers daughter. That's what Mom says." She giggled.

"Don't I know it." Christian laughed. "Well, yes if you must know, she's mad at me."

"Were you a butthead to her?"

"Excuse me?"

"Ashley says, boys are buttheads." Ava shrugged.

Christian gave his niece the side eye trying not to smile but she was beaming at him. "I did sort of do a butthead thing. I kept something from her and she found out from someone else and she got hurt?"

"Someone hurt her?" Ava asked in a panic.

"Not physically… but it broke her heart." Christian tried to assure her. "But it still hurts."

"Oh. I knew I didn't like Lillian." She mumbled.

"Just how much do you know?"

"Well, Mom and Aunty Mia were talking on the phone. There were a lot of bad words but I didn't understand most of it because Mom's office door was closed but I heard Lillian's name along with the F and B word."

Christian barked out a laugh and slapped his thigh. "Squirt, you're funny you know that."

"I know. Dad says it's because I'm his daughter." She grinned and cocked her head side to side animatedly. "So how are you going to fix her heart?"

He gulped and let out a breath. "I have to wait for her to come back. She's gone for work and she asked me not to call her."

"Will you buy her flowers and chocolates? Girls like those things." She said matter of factly.

He smiled. "I think you need to give me a list to follow."

"Aunty Ana says that presents need to come from the heart. She said that in one of her videos. You should watch it." She took another spoonful of her ice-cream. "She also said, we should always write letters to each other because they are like handmade presents. It shows the other person they mean a lot to you."

Mia couldn't resist telling Ava the truth and she was locked in a pinky swear to not tell any of her friends about Ana and Belle being Christian's daughter. Pinky swears were like like a blood oath to Ava,

"In that case, I'm going to need all the help I can get Ava." He winked, making her giggle.

"Is the Ana special after her?"

"Yeah." It was a quiet confession. "She told me it made her happy and then I'd have it whenever I missed her." He said smiling.

Ava asked that they send a picture of their ice-creams in the family group to show Ana that we missed her. However, Ava had some pointers for Christian on how to take selfies.

"Do you love her?" She looked up at him.

"I love her like your Dad and Mom love each other."

"I think Dad loves Mom more than Mom loves Dad." She said curiously.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, Mom always tells Dad she's going to kill him if he farts one more time." She says in complete seriousness. "Dad never says anything like that. He keeps telling Mom how beautiful and sexy she is. It's gross sometimes."

"Ava, trust me… your Mom loves him if she hasn't killed him yet for that." Christian chuckled. "Your mom and dad love each other in different ways."

"So Aunty Ana loves you right?"

Christian gulped. "She does in her own way but I've hurt her so it will take her some time."

"Aunty Mia told me that you were friends a few years ago but things happened. What happened?"

"Would you believe it if I told you I was a butthead?"

"I can believe it. Mom says men are stupid sometimes…" She said distractedly and then quickly realized who she was talking to and looked up at her uncle with an apologetic smile. "But you're not stupid… you just made a mistake right?" There was such an innocence to her voice.

He found Ava hilarious, just like Mia was when she was younger.

"It was a big mistake, Ava." He breathed with a small smile. "I'm trying to make it up to her."

"I can talk to her. She likes me and so does Belle. I can tell her that even though you did a butthead thing, you're the best Uncle I have and that you're really sorry." She offered and leaned her head against his arm for a quick second for affection.

"Even better than Uncle Ethan?" Christian challenged.

"Who's that?" She cocked her head to one side making Christian laugh.

"Good answer. I knew I liked you, Squirt." Christian smiled and kissed the top of her head.

After they were done, Ava and Christian headed up to the Upper East Side for their annual family dinner. The difference today however was that usually family dinners happened at the Grey's family house in Westchester. However, after Friday's clusterfuck, Grace told Carrick she needed time away from him and moved into the Park Avenue townhouse for the foreseeable future. Grace was now retired. Her arthritis made it hard for her to keep up with a strenuous doctor's schedule so she went into volunteering and teaching while serving on the boards of arts organizations and charities that were near and dear to her heart. On the side, Kate and Mia helped her Coping Together, which was dedicated to helping young parents battle drug addiction and rehabilitate children born into those dangerous environments.

"Christian, honey. I'm so sorry for pushing you to marry Lillian. I honestly thought she… well, I also blindly trusted your father. He sang her praises and you seemed to be moving forward and doing so well." Grace said with a sad smile.

Everyone had left for the evening but Grace asked Christian to stay back for a little bit.

"Mom, you couldn't have possibly known and it's not your fault." He breathed. Grace was sitting on her wing chair while Christian sat on the couch nearby. He rested his forearms on his knees and clasped his hands in front of him. "I wanted it like this. I wasn't looking for a relationship but it was apparent that I needed to move forward in terms of my image as well."

"So you thought you could make everyone happy and still barely live?"

Christian sat up and leaned up with a shrug. "The truth is, I was never going to get Ana out of my head. Giving Lillian the title of my wife was a bitter pill enough, trying to move forward with her and having a family, I just knew she didn't have what it takes. I was miserable enough, Mom. I didn't want to further add to that by adding children in the mix and having them neglected by two workaholic parents. I felt like too much of a fuck up to have children anyway. I never wanted them, unless it was…."

"It was with Ana?"

"Yeah." He choked out. "And now, Lillian has fucked it up even more. Not only by whoring herself out but she accosted Ana and told her everything before she met with me. Told her about the pregnancy and the BDSM stuff."

Christian explained everything from Ana's email that night.

Grace's eyes went wide as she gasped. "Mia, didn't tell me that..."

"Yeah, I told her not to. I wanted to tell you myself."

"Honey, I'm so sorry." Grace got up and sat next to Christian, holding his hand.

"She's afraid of me." He said quietly. "I don't want to lose her again."

"You need to tell her everything once and for all, Christian. No more secrets. You see how they have the power to rip everything apart." Christian silently nodded. "How much of the BDSM and Elena situation did you reveal to Lillian?"

"She doesn't know about the underage shit. Just that I was in my early 20's when Elena told me about it and helped me find submissives."

Grace swallowed. "I see."

"I didn't trust her with anything personal like that."

"That alone should have been a sign, Christian. I want you to promise me you will tell me the truth from now on. Yes, I want you to be happy but on your terms. I know I tried talking you into getting married but that's just what old mom's like me do. We're sick of you, we just want grandchildren." She chuckled. It made Christian smile. "Are you happy now Christian, regardless of these hiccups?"

Christian nodded. "I thought I'd never see her again and now with Belle... " he paused for a few moments to push back the emotion. "When it's just the three of us, it feels right. I feel calm. I know she's just a baby but she said she loved me on Friday morning and she cries when I have to leave or if i'm not there when she wakes up… at first I never wanted that because I didn't understand it and then when I did imagine a mere fraction of it, I only wanted it with Ana but she was gone and now that I have it… it brings me peace and it gives me a taste of what happiness is like. Even with all the sadness, it doesn't feel empty and it's a relief. After all these years it's a relief, Mom." He said with teary eyes.

Elena's manipulation hit him even more in this moment. All those years of constant reinforcement that he wasn't normal. That he couldn't be normal. That it was in his destiny to just take what he needed. She had reduced him to animalistic instincts and living in purgatory. She only taught him how to fuck and build walls around himself.

"That's all I've ever wanted and wished for you Christian." Grace pulled him in for a hug. "She'll come around." She pulled away and put her hand on his cheek. "You know us women, we need our space, it's for your own good. Trust me. It's the only reason why your father is alive after all these years, though as of late, I'm regretting that decision." she giggled.

Christian shook his head and chuckled. "I'm serious though. He's no longer welcome. He chose an outsider over my happiness and this family. He didn't even give them a chance."

Grace nodded. "I know son and you're right. He's got a lot of work to do but that's his issue not ours. You just work on winning Ana back and being a family again." She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and smile at him. "I'm looking forward to spoiling my new granddaughter."

After sending Christian the email on Friday night, Ana closed her eyes and focused on going to sleep but she couldn't. She wondered what Anabelle would have thought of her life right now. She wouldn have enjoyed every single moment of it. Then again, she could easily accept love and compliments. She knew how to shine and wasn't afraid of it at all.

They landed in Dubai for their connecting flight 13 hours later. There was a 6 hour layover after which they would hop on a flight that would take them to their final destination; Maldives.

Ana, Tamika and Deepi were close friends. Deepi, who was also from New York had been visiting her sister in London the past two and was flying in from there to meetup with Ana and Tamika to continue on with this trip.

When Ana first started watching youtube videos of mommy bloggers, she came across the ones who showed impossibly perfect lives. It made Ana feel more of a failure and worry about her girls. By some miracle she came across Tamika's channel. She had 4 million subscribers and started her channel to show her journey in weight loss and then her decision to have a child via artificial insemination. She was a an intelligent and beautifull 32 year old, black gay woman who had bad luck in relationships but always wanted to be a mother. Ana immediately resonated with her videos. Tamika kept it real and was hilarious, which kept Ana from feeling lonely. Tamika's son Caleb was now 3 and half years old.

Deepi and Tamika became friends off youtube as well. They both started their channels around the same time. Deepi, who was originally from India was four months pregnant with her second child when she found out that her investment banker husband was a lying and cheating piece of shit who was doing his assistant on the regular. She dumped his ass. Thankfully she had family around which made giving birth and raising her little girl slightly easier. She now has a 4 year old daughter named Maya and a 2 year old son, Rohan, who barely sees their father because he's too busy living the life.

When Ana's foster care video went viral and she was in the middle of moving in with Jose, Tamika reached out to meet up for a coffee date with Deepi and herself . Ana was starstruck and immediately agreed. All three women hit it off and took Ana under their wing in a way.

As Ana's viewership grew exponentially, she made sure to include Tamika and Deepi in her rise. It helped grow their followings as well and they often did collaborative videos together and had playdates. They were the only two women from the outside world who had visited the Glen Cove house and who knew the truth about how Belle and Spencer came to be. Yet, given the recent events she hadn't gotten a chance to update them on everything and Ana knew she couldn't reveal Chris's real identity without them signing an NDA.

They were sitting in the business class lounge for the duration of their layover. Tamika was busy working on her laptop and Deepi's flight was scheduled to land from London in another thirty minutes.

Luke Sawyer and Jane Caruso were the CPO's assigned as added protection from Chris for Ana and Belle. She hadn't been formally introduced to them as yet since they were to report to Prescott and Ana let her run point on everything.

"Come on Bellie, let's go meet some new friends." Ana smiled at her. Bellie jumped up and walked with her mother across the lounge.

Sawyer and Caruso immediately stood up with they got close.

"Miss Steele." Sawyer addressed her as they both nodded.

"Please, call me Ana and this is Belle. I wanted to introduce myself." Ana smiled tentatively. "I'm sorry, I didn't come by earlier in the plane but I was a little preoccupied."

"That's quite alright, Ma'am. We've been briefed by Prescott."

"Mr. Sawyer, Ms. Caruso…" Ana began.

"Ma'am, Sawyer and Caruso will do."

Ana giggled. "I'm not a ma'am guys, please call me Ana."

They both smiled. "I'm afraid Mr. Grey insists on that."

"Ah hah! But Mr. Grey isn't here." Ana wiggled her eyebrows making them laugh. "Look, I get it… you're just doing your job but can we just not ma'am me in to old age?" She begged with a giggle. "Bellie, these are our friends, Sawyer and Caruso. Can you say their names for me? She bent down to pick her up and pointed to each one while saying their respective names.

"Sawya and Cawuso." Belle said with a shy wave. Both CPO's returned her greeting in a similar manner. "Mama… tall!" She pointed at them.

"Yes baby, everyone except your mama is tall in the world." Ana groaned with an eye roll making them all collectively laugh. "I wanted to ask if you have copies of Mr. Grey's NDAs for me to use for my friends."

Sawyer nodded and prepared two files on his iPad for Ana to use. She asked them to not be strangers and move closer to where they were sitting.

"Hold up. Your baby daddy is back in the picture?" Tamika said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah." Ana said quietly. "It's complicated. I'll give you details once we get to the Maldives and out of earshot from the entire world. I've been dying to tell you guys things because I feel lost."

"Well, now that we've signed the mysterious NDA, you better not leave anything out." Deepi sassed. "Also, Christian Grey? Holy shit, Ana."

"Deepi… watch your mouth." Ana whispered. The kids were still within earshot.

"Who the fuck is Christian Grey?" Tamika asked in whispering confusion. Deepi rolled her eyes and pulled out a picture of him from Google. Tamika's eyebrows shot up. "He was at the talk that night." Ana nodded. "Girl, I know I've been telling you to come to the dark side cause honestly we're just better in every way and shit but hell… looking at him, I'm rescinding my invitation." She cackled and Deepi followed. "Motherfucker is hot."

"I know right?" Alice pitched in. She was sitting on the other side of Ana as the three moms caught up.

"Tamika, behave. The kids are going to be yelling the M word before we even get to our destination." Ana scolded again.

"Whatever, goody two-shoes." She groaned. "Alice, you give us the rundown. I have a feeling, Ana's gonna leave out the good shit."

"We're gonna need booze for this if you want me to be real." Alice warned.

"Then we should wait till we're in paradise. I wanna lay in the sun and be bougie when I hear about all this." Tamika sassed and went to hit the buffet again.

"Tell me you got some though." Deepi looked at her with pleading eyes.

Ana shook her head. "Too complicated." She murmured with a shrug, pulling out her phone and looked through the family chat group Mia had created. Ana had sent over some pictures and videos of Belle while Ava replied with fun things she did over the course of Saturday while they were still in the air.

Closer to their landing in Dubai, Ana went through her personal email replying to some of them. As she continued down the list of unread emails towards the end she read the letters in bold.

APR 11 Christian Grey | Please read this

Her heart skipped a beat but she shook her head. She hated how his name could simultaneously be the source of such elation and heartbreak. She didn't want to deal with anymore of it for this trip so she closed the app.

She threw her phone back in her bag and snuggled with Belle, who was wearing headphones and watching an animated movie on the screen with her big blue eyes full of wonder.

Once they finally got to the Maldives and settled in their suite, it was early Sunday morning and they were encouraged to relax and familiarize themselves with the resort on their own till the evening.

All three families slept the day away for the most part and were wide-awake at night. After a private dinner they took a walk along the beach of Vadhoo Island to check out the glowing beaches they were told about. It was the most beautiful experience.

"Mama wook..." Belle squealed excitedly. Her face glowed a beautiful shade of luminescent blue as she tried to catch it within her little hands. Alice took pictures of both mother and daughter as they beamed with smiles. Anabelle remained at the back of Ana's mind. She would've loved this too. Her birthday was coming up in two days.

She sent the pictures to Chris. It was the only communication she would have with him. Sending him videos and pictures of Belle only. New York was 9 hours behind so it was about 1:30pm EST right now.

Christian's reply was immediate. He would consume these pictures and videos like air and watch them over and over again. He felt that he would be glued to his phone for the entirety of the 10 days they were away. Constantly checking his messages and instagram like a phone addict.

10:30PM Christian Grey: Beautiful and full of wonder, just like her mother :)

A/N: A bit of a filler/transition chapter. Next one will focus more on Ana and start getting into her background plus her working through her issues. It might get depressing so you've been warned.

Hit me with your thoughts!

What are your weekend plans?

World Spins Madly On - The Weepies

christinespencer