Moonpriestess30: No he didn't kill him, but he wanted to. XD Or at least I wanted him to.

Chapter 20 - Come to light

Karra wandered down the stairs to find that Fenris had changed into comfortable bottoms and somehow managed to locate what she wanted. He was sitting on the sofa, his knees slightly spread as he leaned forward resting his elbows on his thighs, he looked up as she came down and smiled weakly. 'I took all I could find from Chase, your brother gave me this?' He says lifting a large cylinder from the floor. 'I assume it is some kind of spirit?'

She nods as she smiles a little and takes a seat next to him, 'whiskey, our pa's favourite,' she explains. 'He probably got me a bottle fer Christmas,' Karra says popping the top off and pulling out the bottle.

'What do you wish to do first?' Fenris asks, he had placed the ice-cream in the freezer, just in case she didn't want it right away.

'Is the answer gonna be a wine job or somethin' stronger?' She asks quietly. Fenris doesn't want to answer so he simply gets up and grabs them a couple of glasses from the kitchen and drops a cube of ice in each before coming back in and giving her one. 'Oh,' she says quietly as she nods and watches him unscrew the top pouring some whiskey into each tumbler.

'…... I am worried,' Fenris admits as he closes the bottle and puts it on the table. 'I do not want what I say to change your perception of me,' he continues.

Karra nods and sips her whiskey, 'I get that,' she says quietly, 'but afta what happened tonight, I need some answers,' she sighs.

Fenris nods his head and knocks back a large mouthful, 'very well.'

Karra breathes in deeply, 'I think I already know the answer to this one, but I gotta ask anyways, have you killed people?' She asks holding her glass tightly.

Fenris doesn't look at her and simply looks into his tumbler at the ice, 'yes,' he says simply. Karra knew that was the answer but it didn't help the pit in her stomach.

'Okay...' she said as she drank what was in her glass and refilled it, 'okay... well... kinda knew that... hearin' it is so much worse,' she admits as he hands begin to shake. 'Okay... okay... well, uh... have you killed... women...?' Karra asks feeling her heart rate pick up.

Fenris turns his head away from her and inhales deeply as he closes his eyes and answers, 'yes. I have.' He could feel part of his soul just up and die, this was the side he never wanted her to know about, the darkness, the poison, everything he hated about himself. Who he once was and not who he was now.

Karra feels nauseated and pulls her knees up to her chest as she leans back against the sofa, 'oh. Um... fuck,' she whispers. Tears fill her eyes and she blinks heavily, 'and Hawke?'

'Yes, Hawke has also done the same,' he nods as he sips his drink and face forward but still not looking at her. 'I have hunted dragons, giant spiders, wolves, demons, spirits, darkspawn, ogres, trolls, a varterral, and many other creatures. I have killed on demand and I have killed those who were trying to cause me harm. Slavers, Magisters, Coterie, Carta, they are all the same. They would not hesitate to have killed me or enslaved me once more,' he mutters. 'There is only one person that I killed for my own pleasure and satisfaction.'

Karra swallowed the ball of anxiety that was trying to form in her throat, 'I dinnae think I quite realised how different our lives were,' she admits. 'This person... did they deserve it?'

Fenris turns to look at her, 'would that make you feel better? Would it be justifiable?'

She glared at him, Karra could understand that this was difficult to talk about but there was no need to be quite so curt with his words. 'Actually, aye it would,' she states as she holds his gaze. Fenris sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose before finishing his drink.

'I am sorry, I simply...' he says trying to explain. '…... Hadriana. That was her name. She was the protégé to my old Master, she would torture me simply for her own means. I was helpless against her,' he mutters. 'She attempted to hunt me down and recapture me to send me back to the Imperium. I fought back and as she begged for her life I ripped her heart out of her chest.'

'Fucking hell,' Karra said getting up as her body began to shake. 'Jesus Christ, sweet Mary above,' she moaned as she wrapped her arms around herself. 'An' Sophie? Were you gonna hurt her?' She asks unable to stop herself.

Fenris stood up and tilted his head, 'no, I would not have hurt her. I wanted to, I will admit but I would not have. You have to understand that everything I fought for and did was because I had to,' Fenris states simply as he put his glass down. 'I did not want to go back to the Imperium but they would have literally killed me for my skin, these brands,' he sighs.

'You said yourself that ya tore her heart out her chest! That's not normal!' She says as she wrings her hands, Fenris steps forward and very slowly places his hands on either side of her arms in case she panicked or didn't want his touch.

'Karra!' He says getting her attention. 'It is not normal. Here. Back in Thedas I had to watch Danarius kill and drain a young boy simply for his blood,' he says quietly. 'I have seen the very extent of cruelty and lived through most of it. I did what I had to do, to keep myself and Hawke alive,' he sighs as he lets her arms go. 'I will understand if you need me to leave.'

Karra sniffed and crossed her arms, 'what?' She says confused. 'Leave? Why?'

'You are not handling this well,' he says clearing his throat and stepping back from her.

'Well, duh! It's nae something you're simply okay with! The idea that you've hurt people is confusin' an' scary especially as I know you as someone completely different... but it dinnae change who you are... not really. You did those things before you came here, an' you've not continued or anythin', it's was just hard believin' that you were capable of that sort of thing until I saw you tonight with that guy. You looked like you were goin' to kill him, an' hurt Sophie too. I mean I wanted to slap her silly, but you looked like you would have gone further,' Karra says quietly.

'Karra, I have admitted I wanted to hurt her. Simply because she had hurt you. I felt no need to kill her, nor anyone, it is not something that I enjoy-'

'Apart from Hadriana,' she cut in.

Fenris sighs and nods, 'yes... but that was merely knowing that she could not hurt me any more... that that witch was finally vanquished,' he admits.

Karra bit her lip and nodded as she came closer, she reached out her hand and he gently took her fingers in his. 'Aye... that I understand,' she whispers. With a squeeze of her fingers she got him to look at her, 'I dinnae want you to leave, Fenris. I just... don't want to be scared of you.'

Fenris stepped closer and slowly lifted his hand to stroke her cheek, 'are you frightened of me?' He asks carefully.

Deep down she knew that she would always be scared of someone that was close to her but she could say in confidence that she wasn't worried for her safety. Pressing his hand to her cheek with her own she smiles a little, 'I am frightened that you would hurt people fer me,' she admits.

'Not if you did not wish it,' he assures. 'Though I will say that if your husband appears I may want to hurt him for my own satisfaction,' Fenris says simply.

'Ex-Husband,' she says firmly and then nods. 'There would be a queue,' Karra says honestly as she feels a genuine smile appear on her face. She breathed in deeply and exhales, 'is there anythin' ya want to ask me?'

Fenris tilts his head, 'I do not think so... why do you ask?'

'Because that trollop was goin' on about me an' Brian an' how I got him convicted an' shite like that! An' how I got money an'-'

'I do not care about what she says. I do not care about Brian. I care about you and what you think of me and how much I care about you,' he says softly. 'Why are you worrying about that?'

''Cause she implied I was a liar, an' that I'm tryna swindle ya in some way or some shit!' Karra feels like an idiot but she was in too deep now to just brush it to the side. 'An' yeah, I mean, I got money 'cause Chase made me sue him for the domestic abuse an' things as I couldnae work fer a while an' I had nowhere to live-' Karra said before she was cut off by Fenris lightly kissing her forehead.

He gently pulls her into him and hugs her softly, 'as far as I am concerned whatever you had to do to leave that man was needed,' Fenris says simply. 'You need not explain yourself to me.'

'An' yet I dinnae give you the same courtesy,' Karra said feeling like shit, 'I'm sorry,' she mumbles hugging him tightly and burying her head into his shoulder.

'They are very different situations,' he assures. 'Unless there are a few bodies in the garden I need to be made aware of?' He teases. Karra shakes her head and giggles, he knew exactly how to make her feel better. Now that she was aware of his real past it changed things slightly, she would always be worried about his ability to hurt people. Not her though, she had never felt that he would hurt her and that hadn't changed at all. He looks at the clock on the wall, and sighs a little, 'it is getting late,' he comments softly.

'Hmmm?' Karra replies as she turns and looks at the time, 'oh I suppose it is,' she nods. 'I dinnae think I can sleep though, I'm a wee bit wired,' she admits. 'You?'

'A late night will not be too detrimental,' he teases ever so lightly. Karra rolls her eyes and gives him an amused look, 'is that ice-cream on your mind?' Fenris adds as she flumps heavily onto the sofa. There's an enthusiastic nod and he smiles going to the kitchen and returning with said discovered loot. Karra had found a random film on the TV and had dragged the blanket they kept on the back of the sofa over herself. She scooched over so that he could sit down and then shimmied into their usual positions, Fenris gave her the ice-cream and a spoon. The atmosphere had relaxed once more and now that the air was cleared they concentrated on getting their evening back.

It was about an hour later and about half the tub had gone and Karra was feeling very pudgy. She had put the rest away but fiddled with the spoon as she tried so hard not to say what was on her mind, Fenris was running his fingers through her hair very lightly bouncing a curl. She couldn't help it, it was eating at her, 'do ya think I need ta lose weight?' She says out the blue.

Fenris was sipping on a new glass of whiskey and had to pause while drinking to mentally process what she had asked him. He swallowed his mouthful and looked at her, tilting his head around so that he could see her expression, 'why would you need to?' He asks confused.

Karra laughs and looks at him, 'what do ya mean? To be slimmer, skinnier and nae so pudgy!' She states. 'Ta look more attractive,' she mumbles, like Sophie...she thought bitterly.

Fenris was utterly baffled by the idea that losing weight was suddenly going to change her in some way, 'what is really bothering you?' He asks, there had to be a reason that she thought losing weight was going to be a good thing.

Karra spun around so that she could face him, 'I just sat 'ere an' ate half a tub of ice-cream-'

'I had some,' Fenris points out but it does nothing to lessen the pout on her face.

'An' all I can think about is how yer so damn good lookin' an' I'm like this... pudgy, plain, bug-eyed – 'cause of my glasses, dime a dozen, an' how ya deserve more,' she sighs as she looks at the spoon in her hand.

Fenris is baffled at how she saw herself, 'Karra... I know this has been an issue before but why has it come back? I thought I made it clear in how I saw you. None of those things are true,' he says reaching out and cupping her face. 'Why are you thinking like this?'

She can't help but lean into his touch, 'I jus' keep thinkin' that if nothin' had happened between us... like if ya hadnae landed on my shed an' you were somewhere else but still managed to get the job at the bar that you wouldnae even look at me... That you would be with... Sophie instead...'

He widens his eyes a little and sighs as he leans back a little, 'I cannot say what would have happened had I not landed in your garden,' he says softly, he knew how she was feeling; he had the exact same fears about Dale. Karra pulls a face and he leans forward placing his hands on her waist as he presses his forehead against hers. 'I do not find that woman attractive, even in an aesthetics appeal. Not to mention that her personality is very flawed, she seeks validation in people she deems to be appropriate simply by the way they look. Karra, to me,' he breathes in and closes his eyes, 'to me you are my idea of perfection.'

'Really?' She says softly and he feels a couple of tears land on his forearms as she moved, placing her arms over his shoulders. 'Ya wouldnae change anythin'?'

Fenris chuckles and shakes his head, 'I would not. Not even the fact that you are wearing my clothing to bed,' he teases. Karra blushes and bites her lip as she catches his eye, 'I love you just the way you are and nothing will ever change that,' he says kissing her lightly.