Master of My Domain
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls was created by ASP and is property of Warner Bros Television/Hofflund Polone/Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: You guys are so sweet! Thanks for the warm welcome back and all the well wishes for me and the lil human. I'm glad to be back!Chapter 21 - Piano Man
When my alarm went off on Wednesday morning, I was so startled that I dropped the phone. Since I'd been holding it above my head, reading in bed, I dropped it on my face. Somehow I managed to avoid poking an eye out.
I'd given up on sleep a good two hours earlier, after tossing and turning all night. I'd started researching media ethics, and my research had since devolved to consulting Reddit and Dear Abby. Right before I dropped my phone, I was checking to see if Quora had any answers for me.
As it turned out, there weren't many other people wondering what to do in the event that they'd just gotten a big break in an investigative story that happened to be one that might ruin their boyfriend's business dealings.
Lucky them.
I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower, but the pounding water and steam didn't have their usual mind-clearing effects. Nevertheless, I managed to pull on some clothes and make myself at least semi-presentable. When that was done, I settled back onto the couch for some more deep thinking, knowing that the clock was ticking. My thinking was so deep that I jumped several inches at Dani's knock on my door.
"Whoa," was Dani's greeting to me. "What happened to you?"
"I can't talk about it."
Her face crumpled in concern immediately. "Are you okay? What happened? Is it your mom?"
I shook my head. "No, no, nothing like that. I'm okay, everything's fine."
She eyed me skeptically. "Sorry, but your face isn't one that belongs to someone who's saying 'everything's fine'."
"Let's just go." I hiked my laptop bag over my shoulder and resolutely made my way down the hall. Dani caught up to me at the elevator, and kept giving me wary looks while we walked to her car.
Silence wasn't Dani's best thing, so I'm sure it was killing her. I was actually impressed that we made it all the way out of the parking garage and down the block to the first stoplight before she sighed and turned back to me.
"You've got to give me something to go on, here," she begged. "You're really freaking me out."
"I can't talk about it," I repeated.
"Can't, or don't want to?"
"Can't. Believe me, I'd love nothing more than to talk this through, but that's part of the problem. I can't tell you. I can't tell anyone. But I have to!"
"That does seem like a conundrum."
I groaned in agreement. A few blocks later, Dani turned right instead of left, and suddenly we were pulling into a parking space in front of Cristos Coffee.
She turned to face me, and I recognized the set of her jaw. "Right. So here's what's going to happen. I'm going to go in there and get you a gallon of coffee, because no offense, but you look like you need it."
I looked around, just now noticing that I didn't have a coffee mug. "Oh my god, you're right! I don't even have coffee! I never even made any this morning!"
She nodded. "And I'm going to get you a danish, because you need that, too. And then, you can either come sit down at a table with me or I can come back out here, but you're going to tell me something about what's happening with you, because you're scaring me."
I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. You don't have to be scared. It's not life and death or anything."
She held up a hand. "It's okay. Coffee first, and then you can tell me."
I considered that for a moment, and then nodded. "Coffee first."
While Dani disappeared into Cristos, I leaned my head against the seatback and closed my eyes. I contemplated how much I could tell her. I didn't have to contemplate that for long, though, because the answer was technically nothing. So then I decided to contemplate how much I wanted to tell her, and the answer was everything.
When she returned, I was still vacillating, but after I'd taken a few swigs of coffee, stuffed half a danish in my mouth, and then washed it down with more coffee, I was ready. Dani was watching me patiently.
I cracked like an egg. I told her everything. Everything I knew, everything I thought I knew, and everything I shouldn't know. I put it all out there, and it felt good. When I was done, I took another swig of coffee while I watched Dani absorb everything.
She blinked. "Okay. Wow."
"That's it?"
"It's not life or death, like you said, but now I get why this is complicated."
"So what should I do?"
"Hell if I know."
"What was the point in telling you all of this if you weren't going to help me figure it out?"
She wagged her finger at me. "Uh-uh. This is above my pay grade. I'm just a lowly photog. You're the Editor with a fancy nameplate on your office door."
"That's half of the problem." I sighed. "There's obviously no way that this story can run under my by-line, but because I'm the Editor, I don't know if it can run in Features at all!"
"Well then, there you go. Sweep it under the rug. Drop the story, and your problem is solved."
I pressed my hands to my eyes in frustration. "I can't do that either. This is huge. The public needs to know that this technology exists. The implications of it are mind-boggling."
"So will you just recuse yourself from the story? Give it to someone else and let them run with it?"
"That would be the logical course of action, but that's the kicker - I don't have any grounds to recuse myself. Or I shouldn't, anyway."
"You're involved with Tristan. Tristan owns Donnel Enterprises, who owns our publisher. Erego, you have a conflict of interest in a story that has to do with Donnel Enterprises."
"But how do I know that this story has anything to do with Donnel Enterprises?"
"What do you mean?"
"The only reason I have any clue that Donnel might be involved is because I've overheard Tristan mentioning the names of Sage's founders during his private phone calls."
I watched as realization dawned. Dani's eyes widened and her brows rose. "Oo-oh."
I nodded gravely, pleased that she'd finally come to the same realization that I had. Now she fully grasped my reality.
"Well, shit," Dani said.
That about sums it up.
*X*X*X*
ULTIMATELY, I DECIDED that my best option was to recuse myself from the story. That's what I'd decided on by the time I stepped off the elevator. Once I'd made the decision, I executed it with single-minded focus. I did not pass Go, I did not collect $200, and I didn't even put my stuff down at my desk - I went straight to David's office and knocked on the door before I could chicken out.
He'd pressed me for my reasoning, of course, but I'd held steady and refused to give him anything more than my gut feeling that Sage Resources was somehow involved with Donnel Enterprises. He already knew about my relationship with Tristan, so he could walk the rest of the logic home from there.
As an Editor himself, I imagined that David was probably accustomed to tight-lipped reporters who needed to keep secrets like protecting their sources. This was a little different, but he'd rolled with it as well as could be expected. Kevin was a slightly different story. Once I'd turned over all of my notes and given him a full debrief so he could pick up the story in my wake, he had some tough questions that I couldn't answer.
Questions like, "Why the hell are you giving up what could be the story of the year?"
I didn't want to tell Kevin about the potential connection to Donnel Enterprises. I hadn't been able to avoid telling David, but I'd sworn him to secrecy under the guise of needing to protect my source. Which was technically true, for all intents and purposes. Tristan was my source for that particular tidbit - he just didn't know it. And that made it all the more important that I not hand over that piece of information on a silver platter.
Kevin hadn't let it go easily, and I had the feeling that I hadn't heard the last of it yet. He acted begrudging, but I knew him well enough to know that underneath the show he was putting on, he was thrilled to be running this story himself. To be honest, I was disappointed to have to give it up. Environmental sustainability, and especially sustainable business, was one of my pet beats. That's why Kevin had given me the Sage lead in the first place. I was bummed that I wouldn't be seeing it through to the finish line, but I trusted that Kevin would do it justice.
So by the end of the day, I had resolved at least half of my problem. Sort of. I couldn't get the story out of my head and was trying to drown it out with The Great British Baking Show. I shifted on the couch, trying to get comfortable, and also thinking that I really did need to get to the grocery store because it was tough to watch The Great British Baking Show without Hostess snacks.
Halfway into my third episode, my phone started to chime. The other half of my problem was calling.
My personality had halves, too, it seemed. There was part of me that still missed Tristan and wanted to talk to him. I wanted to see his face, and hear about his day, and take comfort in his presence - virtual though it may be. But then there was another part that wanted to bury my phone under a couch cushion and completely ignore it until the whole Sage story was put to bed.
I stared at his photo on my screen while I debated with myself, and finally slid my thumb over the answer call button. Tristan popped up on video and smiled when he saw me, and I knew I'd made the right decision based on the lightening in my chest and the answering smile that pulled at my lips.
"Hey. You busy? You're not still working, are you?"
"No, I'm good," I said. "I just had to run to grab my phone."
Oh, great. The lies are starting already.
"How was your day?"
"Pretty good," I lied. I stopped there, leaving what felt like an awkward pause where it would have been natural for me to ask Tristan about his day, but I didn't want to know. I was terrified that he would accidentally tell me something else that I shouldn't know about Sage.
"Everything okay?" he asked.
Stop being weird, I commanded myself. I pasted on what I hoped would pass as a smile and nodded at Tristan. It didn't seem to help, since his brow stayed furrowed in confusion or concern.
"I'm sorry we didn't talk yesterday. I was in all-day meetings with the project teams here and my legal team, and -"
"That's ok!" I interrupted. I made an effort to dial back my volume. "I mean, no worries. It's fine. I had a busy day yesterday, too."
"Any luck with the big story you've been working on?"
My heart clenched in panic for a moment. Had I told him about the Sage story? What had I said? When I remembered to breathe, I decided to feign indifference. When in doubt, act casual, right?
"You know what? We don't have to talk about work." I used my free hand to make a dismissive gesture, but my fingers ended up bumping into the phone I was holding in my other hand, and I lost my grip. It tumbled to the floor, and I dove after it.
Tristan was looking at me with a mixture of confusion and amusement. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Right as rain."
Right as rain?!
"If you say so," he said. "So, I was thinking that maybe this weekend we could have our own little Christmas celebration. What do you think?"
I thanked my lucky stars for the change of subject. Back on safer grounds. "That would be nice. I keep forgetting that Christmas is next week. It snuck up on me."
"You're spending Christmas Eve and Day in Stars Hollow, right?"
"Yep. The office is closed on Tuesday and Wednesday, but I'll probably go in for just a couple hours on Tuesday morning and then head to Stars Hollow from there. I should be back in Hartford by Wednesday night. What are your plans?"
Tristan shrugged. "Nothing big. Sometimes I spend holidays with my Aunt Carol, my mom's sister. Occasional holidays are pretty much the only times we see each other. She and her kids are going on a cruise or something this year, though."
"You don't have plans for Christmas?" I asked, somewhat aghast. I guess I shouldn't be surprised - he's not close with his dad and apparently doesn't have much family. But still, the thought of him sitting alone in his apartment, probably working, on Christmas… That made something inside me feel tight and uncomfortable. "Come to Stars Hollow with me."
He looked a little surprised at the offer. "I don't want to intrude."
"You wouldn't be. It will be a zoo - it's possible no one will even notice you there. My mom's friend and her kids will be there, plus my stepdad's sister and her family. The neighbors usually stop by for awhile, too. And probably my friend Lane and her twins, plus her mom…"
"Yikes," was Tristan's reply.
"Yeah, on second thought, maybe I wouldn't blame you if you'd rather relax in your own space."
"If the offer stands, I may take you up on it."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I think it would be nice to see you on Christmas. And who knows, maybe being in a house full of your family and friends would be fun, too."
"Uh-oh. I'm starting to regret this. Just promise me that if my mom starts singing Billy Joel at you, you'll ignore her and not feed into it."
"Billy Joel?" he asked, amused.
"Piano Man. Don't ask."
His lips twitched and I got the sense that he understood the reference, which was embarrassing, but he at least had the good grace not to push it. "Are you sure your mom would be ok with me crashing?"
"The more, the merrier."
"It's a date."
By the time I hung up with Tristan, I was both looking forward to and dreading his return on Friday. While we'd made plans for the weekend and for Christmas, I'd almost managed to forget the fact that I had forbidden knowledge about his big, confidential business deal and that that knowledge may end up getting published in my paper. I told myself that if I could just keep us off the subject of work completely, then we'd be fine.
...Right?