Where Golden Flowers Bloom
SevenRenny
Chapter 17: Mid-Tide
He wasn't sure when he'd stopped breathing. The air up the hiking trail was cold, like silk brushing his exposed limbs. Still, he sweated more than when he'd hiked up. Never in his life had he thought he'd end up in this kind of situation. The look on his friend's face was… distant. Soulless. Looking down at the city but not seeing anything.
"Is…" Eijiro swallowed thickly. "Is he…?"
Katsuki read the question in his voice. "Dead? No."
Eijiro's stiff shoulders slumped in relief. His stomach still churned, like he wanted to throw up.
"I saw him get up," Katsuki added. A frustrated huff. "He got up and I had no fucking clue what I was seeing. Didn't know his leg was fucked until days later when the old ha– when Mom dragged me to the hospital to see him. Everyone thought it was just him trying to off himself at first." He ducked his head and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to contain the swirling emotions. His sigh was wobbly. "Know–," voice wavering, he took a moment to steady it, then bitterly forced it out. "Know the best fucking part?" He didn't lift his head. "I kept throwing blame around. Fought with Mom and I can't remember whatever shit was said. She slapped me so hard and said to go apologize, like that'd do anything. Saw him in the hospital with his mom and I couldn't say anything. His eyes looked dead." His still hidden, he messily wiped at his nose with the back of his arm. His voice cracked, "I could've said anything – anything, and I said nothing like a coward cause he was there and his mom was there but they weren't there and I didn't want it to be my fault even if it was all my fault."
He finally lifted his head, but he didn't look Eijiro's way. His eyes were wet and wide and feral like an animal trapped in a cage too small for it. His hands clutched at his chest, grabbing, pulling, clawing, trying not to choke. "–ucking coward! Fuck me– fuck my LIFE!" He pressed at his wet eyes with the heels of his palms in a sloppy attempt to stop crying like a baby in front of the friend who probably didn't want anything to do with him now. The cuffs jiggled with the movement.
Panicked by his state, Eijiro instinctively reached his arms out, then halted with his hands hovering just shy of touching Katsuki's shoulder and back. He hadn't been prepared for this. There was so much to take in. What was the appropriate response? Katsuki had willingly told him all of that, knowing he was risking his friendship and was having a mental breakdown. He didn't react when Eijiro did place a hand on his back when he started hyperventilating.
Katsuki had successfully smeared the tears all over his face. "God damn it! I fucked up everything– I fucked it up and I don't know how to unfuck it–!" He choked, his throat dry and voice hoarse.
"Hey, hey, breathe, man." At this point, Eijiro wasn't sure what the appropriate response should've been.
"Why aren't you pissed at me?" Katsuki accused, his throat now raw.
Eijiro flinched back. "I am!" he defended. "But… just… give me a minute so I can put my words right." He wished a teacher was here to tell him what to do.
"Good." Katsuki wiped uselessly at his face. "Be pissed. Hate me. I want someone to hate me more than I hate myself."
Eijiro wanted to intervene right there, but paused. Katsuki was still railed up. Anything said to him now would only escalate his hysteria. Instead, Eijiro waited. He was no professional. There was no doubt in his mind he was handling it all wrong.
Katsuki's ranting simmered until he was silent; his head in his hands like he had a massive headache. "…Why're you still here?"
Eijiro had to be careful. "Look, man… I… I don't hate you. I'm angry, yeah," he quickly added. "I – I don't like what you did… It was fucked up. Really fucked up. But…" Be careful what comes out of your mouth, Eijiro, "but… you can do better. Do you wanna do better?"
Katsuki coughed, choking on his own saliva. "Course I do. It's eating me alive– I can't fucking sleep. I'm so far gone there's no fixing this – there's no fixing me! Even the weird-ass shrink's not helping." The cuffs glistened around his wrists when he threw his hands around furiously, gesturing vaguely as if the doctor was right there.
Eijiro took in that bit of information Katsuki may or may not regret later. "Okay. Okay… You're seeing a specialist. That's good. Can you, like, switch doctors if this one's not working out?"
That seemed to stress him out more, and Katsuki huffed in an attempt to contain it all. "Think Doc's affiliated with UA. Don't wanna risk it with him and the rat. I'm already on paper-thin ice. Aizawa-sensei's been breathing down my neck since day one."
That brought up even more questions Eijiro wasn't sure he was ready to hear answers to. With a background like that, he was sure UA would've immediately denied him. "The school knows?"
"Principal sure as heck does," Katsuki revealed. "Rat, dog, thing – whatever he is. Came an' talked to me and my parents. Said I gotta keep up with whatever the Doc throws at me if I wanted a chance. Don't know what the teachers know. Aizawa-sensei might know something but I dunno."
So the school was informed way before Katsuki had been accepted in. That only added more confusion to this already messed up situation. He'd imagined UA was pickier than that. How much did UA intervene? Why? What was going on? The more he thought about it, the more he began to fear how UA operated. "Wait… If he talked to you then… did he talk to Deku, too? He wanted to apply, too, right?" Eijiro kept his voice down, afraid it might sound too blunt.
Katsuki made a cynical snort. "Don't know. Haven't seen him since Mom tried to get me to apologize to him and Auntie in the hospital. I never gave him my number since I got a phone, but Mom and his mom talked on the phone. I heard 'em. Something about payments. A lotta changes happened in school when I went back. New teachers and principal. Kids transferred out. All that." Mentally drained, he brushed a hand down his face. "Deku wasn't there. He never showed up again. I got into UA but fuck– everything was a mess." His red-rimmed eyes made him look like he hadn't slept. "I almost killed him and UA still let me in. If Deku tried for – shit, I know – General Education or something he would've aced that. That nerd was smart as fuck." Realizing something, he dropped his head into his hands like more weight had suddenly landed on his back. "I finally say something not shitty about him and he's not even here for it. Fucking brilliant."
Elbows on his knees, Eijiro weaved his fingers together. Something to concentrate on. "I'm sure he would've liked to hear that. Sounded like a great guy."
"He was like you," Katsuki admitted, defeated.
"Like me?"
"Yeah. Forgave easily. Happy all the time like all I did didn't bother him. Stuck around through everything."
"Hey, now, I'm still angry, remember?" Eijiro reminded him, sounding almost hurt. "Just cause I'm still here doesn't mean I'm okay with all that, bro. In fact," he hardened his knuckles, and punched Katsuki in the shoulder (half-convinced Katsuki had yelled a mix of swears he'd invented on the spot), almost knocking the bewildered boy off the bench. "You do all that unmanly stuff again, you'll deal with me," Eijiro promised.
Katsuki stared, stunned. A huff escaped him; a mix between a forced chuckle and a tired sigh. "You better hold true to that, cause I still don't have my shit together."
"Hey, admitting you fucked up is part of getting your shit together, right?"
A few seconds of silence. The dog's tags jingled when she itched under her chin with a short hind leg. It was getting late. They'd better start heading down.
"I still have his stupid book," Katsuki blurted out.
"His book?" Eijiro tried to remember which one he was referring to.
"The one I threw out the window," Katsuki explained. "Was by the pond. Janitor fished it out days ago. The words got all smeared so I had to copy whatever I could on a new one. Still have it."
"Are you gonna give it to him?"
"Would if I could. Couldn't find him or Auntie home. I came by a lot but it looked like no one lived there anymore. Had the guts to ask the neighbors and they said they up and moved. My parents might know where they went. I know Mom sure does cause I hear her talking with Auntie on the phone, but she won't tell me anything."
Eijiro's brows pinched. "Can you convince your mom to let you guys talk over the phone? If… If you could talk to him… what- I mean, what do you wanna say?"
Katsuki shrugged. "I don't know… A lot and nothing. Just know it feels unfinished like that, whatever it is. Didn't think that far ahead. Guess I wanna know what happened on his end. What he's doing now. Try and see if UA's still an option if he's still up for that."
Eijiro tilted his head curiously. "You're gonna try convince him to try out?" He didn't understand what the actual plan was. The guy was probably in another school who knows where.
Katsuki shrugged his shoulders. "UA let me in. Why not him?" It was more of a statement than a question. "Like I said, I have no clue what happened on his end. Even if Mom and Auntie let me talk to him, I know I'll fuck it up. Heck, I'll freak out. I'm already seeing things that aren't there. I lost my mind." He rubbed the heels of his palms against his eyes as if to wipe away the image embedded in his mind. "Thought I saw him on campus during the whole party thing. I know it was in my head but goddamn it – I thought I saw him and couldn't remember where I was."
Eijiro was glad Katsuki wasn't facing him, or else the boy would've read the slow-developing shock on Eijiro's face. His brain picked up the scattered clues he'd originally brushed off. Deku had injured a leg, and… "Y- You said you saw… You saw him? On campus?" He was sure he had a brain fart, because he'd never felt this dumb and numb in so long.
"That's what I thought I saw," Katsuki sounded bitter. "Never had a fucking hallucination that bad. Told the Doc his meds were doing jackshit. Just told me to keep up with 'em."
"How did – uh, I mean… Why'da assume it was a hallucination? Maybe you just saw someone who looked like him?" Eijiro struggled, wanting to know more but also afraid to know more.
Katsuki turned to him, looking insulted. "I've known him since we were four. I remember every curl on that big head of his better than anyone."
Eijiro hoped – prayed – the other boy couldn't read his thoughts. He'd assumed it was a coincidence to know of two people who had injured a leg. It had to be a very, very weird coincidence; it was almost like someone was joking with him by placing all these puzzle pieces in front of him. So what? Lots of people had curly hair.
Lots, but Katsuki seemed sure he'd seen his childhood 'friend' that day… the day Izuku Midoriya just happened to visit the school…
Izuku Midoriya, Ochaco had called him.
Deku…
His heart plummeted.
The look of horror must've shown on his face, because Katsuki studied him carefully, his own face morphing into one of confused suspicion. "What?"
"What what?" He mentally kicked himself sounding this dumb.
"What's with the look?"
Think, Eijiro, think! "It's… I… uhhh –." That was all his brain could snag. Because of course he had to go ahead and write it all over his face.
It was clear Katsuki didn't buy it, not with the way he stared suspiciously and raised a brow.
Eijiro sighed, defeated. "It's – just a lot to take in, man…" He admitted truthfully. It was a rabbit hole he never knew was there.
Katsuki reluctantly turned away, but that look on his face stuck. "Fine." He huffed, frustrated but surprisingly didn't push it, possibly exhausted and partly unsure where to go from here. "Sure. Whatever. You gonna tell the others?"
Eijiro blinked. Others?
"Raccoon Eyes and Pikachu and Tape Dispenser and all the other weirdoes," Katsuki clarified.
"They're not weirdoes, come on."
"Pikachu mixed soda and mentos in his mouth," Katsuki reminded him of that day when Denki had foam blasting out of his nostrils.
Eijiro decided if Katsuki had that day stuck in his head, then it had to be of importance, even if it was something as stupid as a soda eruption. "Hey, it was fun, you gotta admit." He elbow-nudged Katsuki. He didn't react. "No, not my place to tell. Feel like that's your call."
Katsuki didn't say anything for a while. Until his mother's ringtone came from his pocket. Instead of answering, he declined the call and texted her. "Gotta get back. The hag's pissed I'm late."
They had planned to get groceries for Bakugo's family on the way home. Eijiro suspected Katsuki hadn't meant to stay up here to just breakdown into a teary mess in front of him.
"Want me to come with?" Eijiro offered. For some reason, it didn't feel like anything he'd do would mean anything.
Strapping his backpack on, momentarily jostling the other dog awake, Katsuki sighed deeply. "No. It's late. I'll walk you to the station."
The only sounds on the way down the hiking trail and past the roads were the crunching of grass that morphed into shoes tapping against pavement, the clicking of zipper tags, the tags on dog collars, the rattling of a passing bicycle, the passing of a minivan, and rumbling of the train. "See ya," Eijiro said with a short wave before heading down the last steps. Katsuki just grunted, picked up his dog and tucked her under an arm. No words were left to say.
So many thoughts but nothing to say about them. Eijiro didn't consider himself an intelligent person. He hoped he was, at least, average.
At times like this, he wondered how many things he'd done wrong; how many mistakes he could've avoided if only he'd been slightly smarter, or more knowledgeable on this particular matter. What would Crimson Riot do? He wanted to ask somebody – his parents, maybe, or a teacher: this and this happened, what do I do?
Back in his apartment, elbows on the sink, hair damp and flat, he stared at the boy in the mirror, the boy with the look of that pathetic downer from middle school.
…
Nothing was fair. That much, she understood.
She hadn't been this angry in so long. She missed the punching bags at Gunhead's agency. The city she assumed was protected by Heroes didn't feel as safe anymore. How safe was it really when simple things slipped through the cracks? Did someone need to rob a bank for someone to care? Where were the grown-ups? What was everyone doing when Izuku needed help? So many ears and no one wanted to hear.
The way he talked, the way he phrased things, like he was at fault – like it could have been avoided if he'd done something else. It didn't sit right with her. The tide was crawling closer, breathing with it salty air that made their skin clammy.
He'd talked with fat tears in his eyes ("I don't know why I did it. I wasn't thinking. It wasn't on purpose, I promise!" he'd promised) and somehow – somehow – gave her a smile.
This gentle boy she loved so much. Why him?
Still sitting on unsteady sand, she'd pulled his skinny body into a desperate hug. He didn't pull away, but stilled against her more athletic form, then, she felt him relaxed and sink his chin over her shoulder, his cheek pressing against her neck. Her vision went glossy. Ochaco hadn't had an angry cry in a long time. She hadn't been this angry in a long time.
"I'm sorry," he said softly in her right ear. "I didn't mean to make you upset…"
She shook her head, her neck rubbing against his cheek. She squeezed him harder. "It's not you," she whimpered. It was never you. "It'–," she swallowed a sob and felt his hand on her back. Of course he had to go ahead and comfort her when he was all she worried about. "It's not fair," she choked out. Did he feel her pounding heart? Was her distress clear? "It's not fair…" He'd told her he'd known that since he was four. She'd only known of unfairness by word.
"It's okay," he said with sympathy she did not deserve.
It wasn't okay.
"I wanna punch that Kacchan," she blurted out with real malice she never knew existed in her, her fists gripping his clothes.
A snort came out of him and he tried to stifle his chuckles. "It's okay. You don't have to." He finally pulled away and smeared his palms over the wetness on his smiley face.
"It's true – I wanna punch that big bully!" She lifted her fists in front of her for emphasis. She'd gone head-to-head against an explosion user before. Got close and failed. She knew martial arts now. That bully wouldn't stand a chance. She'd make sure to put the fear of space asphyxiation in him. Why were Explosion users so hostile? And that – that brute was aiming to be a Hero of all things. He'd hurt Izuku so much, she almost wished she'd been in that stupid school too so she could deck that bully in the face.
"It's – It's okay. Really." Izuku blushed, not used to being defended. "It's okay..."
"But… he really hurt you, Izuku…" She grabbed his hands, her pinkies lifted. "Is that why you're not in school? It's so unfair. Do you have to repeat the year?" Her heart couldn't handle any more of this; but he handled it. She had no right to not hear him out – no right to not listen to what he had to say when no one else wanted to hear him. She'd known him the whole time. He had all this festering inside of him, and she was sorry, so very sorry, for not asking sooner; for not being able to do anything; for taking him for granted.
His thumbs went over the back of her hand. "The teachers, they… come by to give me notes when I was in the hospital and told my mom they were sorry. Mom told them to get out. They let me take my tests online. I wasn't really thinking about school anymore. It was really complicated so my mom was really busy around that time. I wasn't sure what was happening. It was like my brain turned off. She cried a lot and told me she was really sorry. I'd hear her crying on the phone. I know it wasn't her fault but she thought it was. She talked with Kacchan's mom and dad about things they could do to help. I didn't hear much of it. I wasn't thinking. The doctor said I'd need surgery to fix my leg. The bone was sharp when it broke so it cut through. I was tired so I told Mom if we could do it later… We moved because she thought back home was too close to where all the bad things happened and maybe we could start over. I didn't go out much. Then Eri ran into me one day." A bittersweet smile. "I didn't let go."
He still hadn't, she thought. Not yet, at least. He'd found his purpose. He wasn't in UA, and yet, he was doing far more than her and all of her classmates combined. He didn't just want to be a Hero, he needed to be a Hero, just as a fish needed water. What would happen to him when it was time to let her go?
"Izuku," she said, gripping his hands tighter than how he'd held onto hers. "Do you still wanna go to UA?"
He still had that sad but grateful look in his eyes. "You got me to see it, and it was amazing." He didn't answer her. "I haven't thanked you enough for that. It really was amazing."
To think he could've been a student at UA like her. "Maybe you can try out for next year if you still wanna!" she offered, hopeful.
He looked slightly surprised at her suggestion. He averted his eyes as to not see the disappointment in her face. "I… Thank you for encouraging me. I just… don't think I can do much. When I saw the Sports Festival, everyone had all these amazing Quirks and…" He lowered his voice, embarrassed to admit, "and I'm Quirkless."
Having thick brows meant she was easy to read, and she guessed he saw the way they pinched when she pouted. "So what? I have one and I'm bad at it. That's why I went to Gunhead-sensei." She saw him open his mouth but decided to finish what she had to say, get her point across. "Aizawa-sensei is cool and he just turns off people's Quirks for a bit so he can whack 'em." She performed an air punch. "And Ojiro! Ojiro – yeah, he has a tail but he doesn't use it all the time – he does all these other cool moves! And, and, and… When– when…" Okay. Easy does it. "When I wanted to try for UA I didn't think I'd get in cause I'm not strong like Todoroki or smart like Yaomomo but I'm here and I didn't think I would be but I am! And… and…" She felt him lean his head closer, hesitant, and stopped inches away. She decided to close the gap and have their heads nudging. "And it's not fair I'm there and you're not." Because the world was all sorts of wrong.
He made a sound that was more of a tired, breathless chuckle. "I guess I need my leg if I'm going to try…" he said quietly. His words were unsure, but it was more than enough for her.
She didn't mean to tackle him so hard, hard enough to push him onto his back and almost squish him underneath her. He yelped at first, then blushed and laughed awkwardly with her as she nuzzled his cheek.
She cheered, giving him one last squeeze and letting go before his face could turn any redder. "Ask me anything if you need help, okay?"
"Hmm." He gave a shy nod and scratched at his neck, something he did when nervous.
"And if anybody bothers you," she lifted a fist. "I'll deal with him myself!"
While he looked flattered, there was something lingering in his eyes. Something – whatever it was, was still bothering him.
"Hey," she said, "I mean it. UA's not like your bad school. Sure, there's people like Monoma, but he's just weird. No one like that jerk." Almost no one. As Izuku had mentioned, Kacchan had an explosion Quirk. She already had a classmate with that… She wasn't sure how he'd feel about going to school with another unfriendly explosion user. The similarities were eerie. Perhaps she was over-analyzing. Katsuki mostly kept to himself, so she didn't know much about him other than the fact he had issues socializing if it weren't for Eijiro. He did have a nasty temper when poked, but… at least he didn't burn notebooks and pick on other kids.
An explosion user with the anger of an agitated bull.
It had to be a coincidence, surely.
She was overthinking it. She knew she was. Some people had similar Quirks. Sure, explosion was a new one to her, but surely more people had it. This Kacchan sounded like he was too much trouble for a place like UA. Even so…
Even so…
It felt like she was staring at an answer she didn't want to hear.
His eyes searched something in hers. Her thoughts were loud enough for him to read right off her face. "It's okay. You can ask," he said gently, sympathetic to her mental struggle to solve this on her own, knowing the thoughts would haunt her night and day for answers.
"Izuku?" A chill other than cool beach wind iced her skin. "Where did that jerk go?" Because she couldn't rest without knowing. The scenario in her head made her sick to her stomach. The thought of the potential answer being there, sitting in class, made her queasy. A shiver ran up her spine. It was too… outrageous.
He hesitated. That alone told her a number of things: that he suspected she had pieced a few puzzle parts in place already; and that he knew she didn't like the picture being assembled.
"He's…" He hesitated, wrung his fingers, sweated, ran his hand down his face, his anxiety leaking at his quivery fingertips. He'd told her so much, but this… it was harder for him to tell. Sighing, he dropped his shoulders, giving up on a straight forward answer. "You were amazing when you fought at the Sports Festival."
A change of subject so abrupt it was like pulling the rug from underneath her. Knowing Izuku, he went in this direction for a reason. A reason that inched closer like the edge of a cliff she didn't want to find out what was below. "Izuku?"
"You fought so hard and it was so amazing," he kept going, rubbing up and down his arm to soothe his body's silent screaming. "And I keep thinking how blessed I am to know you."
She didn't like where this was going. Don't overthink… Don't… "Izuku? Was…" Explosions from his hands. The desire to attend UA. "Bakugo…?" Her tongue stopped working and she bit her lip, her eyes aiming down, not looking at anything as her mind went over the match. The match she fought and lost. The match Izuku had seen.
He stopped rubbing his arm and looked as though he was debating with himself: if this was a good idea; if he was doing a mistake. "I'm… sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I didn't know when I'd tell or how you'd react…" There was a bittersweet glint in his melancholic eyes. "You were amazing. I've never seen anyone go against Kacchan like that. You were really close at the end, too."
It felt wrong. So wrong. The faceless silhouette of Kacchan suddenly had a face; a familiar one. He called Bakugo 'Kacchan' in a way that sounded natural to his tongue.
She was in the same class as his bully. She had fought him.
Izuku had watched her get blasted by him on live television.
He'd watched him win UA's Sports Festival in first place.
And then, her heart plummeted, she realized, "The party…" She'd brought Izuku right to where his bully was and – by some miracle – dodged what could've been a disaster. "I made you go to that party…" If anything would've happened to him, she would've been the one responsible. He must've known Bakugo – or Kacchan, as surreal as it was to refer to him as that – would be there. And he still went. He'd cried when she'd presented him with the guest passes. He risked it just to be at UA for one day.
Izuku read the guilt in her face and put his hands in front of him like it would stop the thoughts going through her head. "And it was amazing!" he quickly said in a panic. "I had a lot of fun and Eri was happy an– and your friends were all nice and… and…" Blushing, he twirled his fingers. "And I got to hold your hand for the first time. I was so lucky I got to be there. You made me really lucky."
Just how did he still manage to be so positive? She would've crumbled in his place. She would've stopped believing in anything with how unfair it all was. She recalled back when they'd gone ice skating; he'd cried but smiled at the same time, looked at her with wide eyes that absorbed everything, and she wondered if that had been his first friendly contact in a long time. He'd skated right into her arms and cried tears of bliss. "I'm just happy," he'd said and smeared away the tear. Flipping through her memory, she briefly touched each one with newfound acknowledgment.
He'd worried over Eri, his upmost priority, but now, Ochaco saw just how much he'd needed someone there for him. He had a big heart with hardly anyone to fill it with.
You made me really lucky. He wasn't lucky. At least, she wouldn't call it luck.
She pulled him into a clumsy hug. "Nope." She sniffed but held that strained smile he couldn't see. "You're just really amazing."
He didn't say much, possibly aware this was all too much for her to take in all at once. It was a minute before he said, "Sorry. You just came back from training with Gunhead. I didn't plan it thoroughly."
She giggled against him. "I got to see more of you first thing!"
That got a chuckle out of him.
A minute passed. It was getting late.
She pulled back and suddenly asked, "When can I punch Bakugo?"
His eyes widened. "Ah – Ochaco, don't!" he said frantically.
"Why not?" she pouted, her already-rounded cheeks puffing out. "I never got to hit him." If only she'd known, maybe she would've had enough built-in anger to pelt a nicely-sized rock into his face. She'd never been one for revenge. Heck, she hadn't even held anything personal against Bakugo after her loss at the festival. Nothing personal, until now.
"You have next year's Sports Festival to fight him! P– Please, don't start fights with him at school." He pleaded with her.
She wasn't sure she could hold out that long. "But that's so long from now!"
"I know, but," he cupped her cheek with a feather-like touch, looked her in the eye and smiled gently. "I don't want you to get in trouble. You worked so hard to get to where you are. So please don't fight?"
Why'd he have to be like that? Why'd he have such a tether around her heart?
Still pouting she said, "No promises."
"Please?"
She did the mistake of glancing at the innocent, pleading look on his face that said: Just try for me? "…Okay," she whined reluctantly, not entirely believing she could keep a cool head if a heated moment with Mr. Bully were to happen.
It was clear he knew it would be very hard for her; nevertheless, he released a sigh of relief. Even the smallest of his smiles were contagious. "Thank you. I… I know you must be tired today. Do you want… if you want – I mean… if you're not busy… do you wanna… do you wanna-go-out-for-ice-cream-sometime?" he said quickly with his eyes shut tightly, like it was the first time asking her out on a date.
Ever the peace-maker he was.
She giggled, unable to hide her own brightening blushes. "Sure!"
She held his hand tightly on the way back. Afternoon would turn into night if they waited any longer. Nocturnal bugs decided it was dark enough to venture out.
They stopped just by the station.
"I'll see you?" He ran his thumbs over the back of her hands, savoring the moment.
"Yeah. I'll text you, kay?"
"Hmm."
The moment she felt his hands falter, she gripped tighter. It took a millisecond boost of confidence to give him a kiss on the cheek. It shouldn't have burst open her heart like she'd never kissed him before, but it did. And by the wobbly smile and the drowsy look on his face, his heart reacted the same way.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow!" she waved at him as she ran down the subway steps. Still dazed, he lifted a hand by his shoulder and gave a small wave.
…
Toshinori's apartment was a shoebox. He could afford better; he just didn't see a reason for bigger when he tended to stay skinny indoors. He traveled around the country a lot, stayed in multiple temporary shoeboxes. It wasn't what he wanted, but what he needed, and he needed to move around as two separate people. There was no 'settling down'. Not now, at least. Eyes dry and itchy, he pinched at the corners with his boney fingers. Reading small text on his computer screen with the lights of his studio apartment turned off wasn't a good idea. It would be a few minutes at the most. His thoughts tended to plague him at sundown, when most returned home to see family or have a nice meal. Not him. He had no family to visit; though, their voices visited him in his head.
He was stalling. Stalling even though he was the one with the flickering candlelight, threatening to go out.
The choice everyone else kept pointing him at was obvious. Mirio Togata had extraordinary potential. A few students from class 1-A were also excellent candidates. So why couldn't he get himself to go ahead and make the choice?
He had come to suspect the dream he'd assumed was a nightmare hadn't been a nightmare at all, but a message. Smoky, shadows figures with glowing eyes like cougars at night. The thought only occurred to him after his eyes zeroed in on one figure that stood out. She had been misty black but not as obscured. Before he could reach out to her, they'd all back away and vanish into the swirling background. One last picture landed in his eyes: the black silhouette of a short person – a child. It would've been the vaguest clue if it hadn't been for the messy hair on the kid's head.
Maybe there had been other features that got swallowed as soon as his eyes snapped open. Now, there he was, going over every student's portfolio, looking for any match other than the one boy he reluctantly came to suspect. The one he'd only met once and let down just as quickly.
He brushed his palm down his face, trying to stretch and soothe the wrinkles under his eyes. "What are you trying to tell me, Nana?"
TBC