A/N: Thank you for your ongoing support and kind words for Chapter 15, the party at Royal Crescent was getting far too long, so had to split it in two, won't be long till the second half. The trouble with the current situation is not only are we getting so used to it that it is rapidly becoming the norm and we are all going to be hermits, but that I probably have too much time to spend on expanding the chapters of my alternative universe … am in grave danger of being the written equivalent of Mogadon – anyway I hope you enjoy this snapshot of their time together before their real lives click back in. Thanks as always to Flossie for asking the questions.

I Close My Eyes and Dream Away

"She's down there now sharpening 'em … bet you.."

"Shall I take a wild guess what we're talking about here?"

"Your mum, that's who … bet you any money you like she's down in that fucking kitchen sharpening them Sabatie whotsits of 'ers ….getting ready to use 'em on me"

"Of course she is Molly … why didn't I think of that?" Charles put his head back and roared with laughter, he seems to be finding it dead funny for some reason, alright maybe it is a bit and maybe I am exaggerating … just a little bit "Of course she's not … don't be so bloody daft …"

"You don't know that … and stop laughing at me, you don't know so you just remember when you can't find me later on that you might gonna need to check the cellar … except it'll probably be too late by then … you'll be bloody sorry you didn't listen when I've bled out"

"Absolutely devastated … I'll never forgive myself .…. and the worrying thing is that there's not even a hint of you being a little bit dramatic, is there? Idiot … she wasn't trying to lure you into the kitchen to chop you up … she was offering to make you a cup of tea"

"I already said, you don't know that … and who you calling an idiot?"

"I think I do know … and you, who else …. but hey, have it your way"

"You'll see … and stop bleeding laughing at me, will you? This is serious"

"Indeed"

"Stop laughing"

I was joking, sort of, his mum had been all over me like a bloody rash when we got here so I couldn't help being a bit worried what she was up to. Not that I really believed she was going to chop me up or anything, but even after all this time of not seeing her I can still tell she hasn't got a sincere bone in the whole of her body. It's all fake. All of it. All that bloody sweetness and gushiness and the patting my fucking arm, I mean, I know when someone's faking it and lying through their teeth, should do shouldn't I? And her saying stuff like how pleased she is to see me. She's not, believe me. The only thing that would actually please her is to be told she's never going to have to clap eyes on me in this house ever again. That act is all for his benefit and she might fool him with it, but it's fucking wasted on me and it's not as if there's anyone else around to be impressed is there? Actually, I really can't work out how someone as clever as him can be fooled by it, alright you don't have to tell me, I do know, she's his mum, right?

But just because she's his mum doesn't mean I was up for hanging out with her while he went off to look at all this legal shit, the looks I was getting when he wasn't watching were bloody full of evils and her mouth had that pinched up look like a cat's bum that she's so bloody good at. Must remember to tell her that she wants to watch out else she'll get wrinkles, and that all the Botox in the world won't help, miserable old faggot. Okay, maybe I won't. I knew I should go for a cuppa when she offered, it was an opportunity for me to be nice, but to be honest, I really quite enjoyed giving her a sickly smirk of my own and turning her down. I had had all these good intentions, all these promises to myself, not to him, hadn't said a word about it to him, I just wanted him to notice it was me that was being nice and grown up. But as things turned out it was just as well I'd kept schtum. The thought of making allowances and being nice and patient and seeing both sides and all the rest of the shit suddenly seemed a bit much for some reason. Let's face it, when it came down to it there was no way I could face sitting there bonding over a cup of horrible gnat's piss that tastes and smells funny and pretending we're best mates. I'm only guessing here that's what I'd get given, because that's what I remember, although it could be that it's pricey enough for her to keep it to impress the other witches. Didn't want to find out, did I? Any more than I fancied having a nice little chat, I mean what the fuckety fuck would I talk to her about?

So, I lied and told her I needed to hang my dress up or some such bollocks and came straight up here instead. It felt bloody weird being back here to be honest, I thought I'd never set foot in this place ever again and I'd definitely never be in this bedroom, let alone in the bed where we'd had sex that first time. It all felt so long ago now. But nothing's changed, nothing at all, not the curtains or the rugs or anything, although not sure why they should have, but even the duvet cover looks like it's the same one. I know it's been a while, but that's what I think. She will have washed it mind since the last time I was here, I mean, I might think all sorts about her, well I do, but dirty slut isn't one of them.

I did not want to come here to this sodding party tonight, I am not going to lie and pretend I had this sudden change of heart, but we had to, well Charles did and he said he wasn't coming without me. I'd tried to tell him that he wanted to drive down, get the bloody thing over with and then go home, but okay, I did know that was probably not going to happen, because that meant one of us couldn't have a drink. You'd better believe that was not going to be me and Charles didn't exactly fall over himself to volunteer either. But he didn't see a problem with stopping here, he just said I should ignore her if she upset me. Easy for him to say.

I don't know why but even my dress doesn't feel like it did when I wore it to that party with Claire. Well, okay, when I wore it to try and show him what he was bloody well missing when he and Amber were together. Well that was what I thought at the time. I mean, the dress is the same, that hasn't changed, and I haven't changed either, not to my knowledge, I haven't put on any extra padding on my bum or anywhere, have I? I think it's just knowing I'll be wearing a dress that cost a bleeding ridiculous amount of money just so I can stand around with a bunch of posh people who think I'm rubbish because of the way I talk.

Okay, maybe if I really put my mind to it for about a million years, I could admit that it's probably not the worst thing I've ever had to do in my life. Memories of running round a compound in full kit in 40o heat in Afghan while some sadist bloke yelled at me and made me sweat like a pig could maybe give it a run for its money. Maybe.

"Be nice to me … you better or I'll call Nan and tell her"

He had tried to look as if he was scared when I told him about the punishment Nan was promising to dish out if he upset me, and had raised those bloody eyebrows of his before he gave this little shout of laughter to show it would take more than that to bother Captain James. But his face had been a picture.

"I'm always nice"

"Nah you're not …. Nan means what she says you know; she'll do it if I tell her"

"I know … tell her what? No, don't do that, don't call her … anything but that"

He made this big show of clutching his balls and pretending he was in agony, and then burst out laughing. It doesn't matter what he says, I really don't think he's taking it seriously. I am going to make him come with me when I go to tell them he's back, let's see if he thinks it's all so funny then.

"You don't need to tell me, I know she bloody means it … she's a very frightening lady … well she scares me, that's why you're not going to tell her"

"You might have to bribe me"

"Yep … anything … you can have anything you want"

"Oh good, I'll remember you said that"

I'd been on pins waiting for the call from my mum, a call that hadn't come, not that day or any other one since then. She might not have phoned, but Bella had sent me a text demanding all the sordid details, her words, and letting me know that Nan had done what she'd said she wouldn't and it had all hit the fan at home. Apparently, dad had kicked off big time, now there's a bloody surprise, and had gone on a rant demanding mum promise not to call me, that she had to wait and let the snotty little mare, that's me by the way, have the decency to call and tell them herself. As if my dad would know anything about acting decent. But you know what, I did think it probably would be best if I let it all calm down a bit before going to see them. Well, before me and him went to see them. I can't see why I shouldn't drag him with me, I mean, why should I be the only one?

"Do I look okay?"

"You look … umm, let me have a look at you?" He put his hands on my waist and then pretended to be looking me up and down and leering like some sort of sexist pervert pig until I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed "You look, you look absolutely bloody beautiful … gorgeous … and so fucking tall … didn't you say those shoes cripple you? I thought you said you weren't going to wear them again?"

"Nah, chucking them would be a waste … 'n I said it hurt to walk in them so I'm gonna stand still instead"

"Molly…" He shook his head and laughed at me at the same time, and you know, I love that I can still make him laugh like that without even trying "You really are something else, Mrs James, what am I going to do with you?"

"Is that good or bad?"

"Oh, I think you know the answer to that"

He shook his head again and then went to stand in front of the mirror to finish getting dressed, apparently, he's got no intentions of going to his mum's party in his boxers and socks. Bit of a shame that.

"Is that what you're wearing?"

"Indeed … well, and the rest … well .I was … why ….. what's wrong with it?"

He'd just started to pull his shirt off the hanger so it was actually half on and half off when he stopped dead and looked at me with this puzzled frown on his face.

"I thought you liked this shirt"

"Did you?"

I do like it, it's a nice shirt, it's really nice and blue shirts really suit him, there isn't anything wrong with any of it at all, well not that I can see, just as long as he's wearing it for me and not because he knows it looks good on him and he's out to impress his bleeding groupies. Probably down to me, I can remember telling him once years back that I fancy him something rotten in blue, I've got a feeling I might even have said a little bit more than that, might even have pulled it off of him. Probably shit faced at the time.

"Yeah … alright… it does, it bloody suits you but then you know that already you vain bugger, that's why you're planning on wearing it"

"I resent that, I am not vain … and that is not why I was going to wear it, I chose it because I thought that's what you'd like me to wear"

"Oh … really? Is that really why?" I'm sorry but I love it when he says things like that and looks at me like that, as if he really doesn't get it "You saying you're wearing it because you think I'll fancy you in it?"

"Yup …something like that … well …was I right, is it going to work?"

"Might have to think about it" Of course it is, I'm just not going to say, am I? Not just like that "Just … you do know I'm a sure thing, don't you?"

"Lovely … Tell you what, while you're thinking about it, how about you let me get the rest of my stuff on woman? …We've got a party to go to" He was laughing as he pulled the shirt on and started to button it and then leaned a bit closer to the mirror "I need a bloody haircut … must get it done"

"Nah you don't … well, yeah alright maybe you do, I can give it a trim if you like?"

"No thanks"

"Coward …"

"Undoubtedly"

"You are gonna have a shave though, aren't you? Your mum'll freak if you go to her party looking like that"

"Will she?" He looked interested but not particularly bothered at the thought and then shrugged his shoulders.

"Yeah, you bloody know she will … I mean, I don't mind but she will"

I knew when I put my fingers up and stroked his face that he really loves to feel me run my fingers over his stubble and couldn't help having a little smirk when his expression changed and he bit his lip. I knew that if I played my cards right I could probably get him to give the party a swerve as he put his head back and closed his eyes. But then he gave himself a sort of little shake and went back to trying to concentrate on getting dressed.

"You know your mum will take one bleeding look and tell you look like a bloody down and out and then she'll blame me …"

"How can she blame you?"

"She'll find a way … come on, you gonna shave or what?"

"Nope"

"I'll make it worth your while …"

"Thought you were a sure thing anyway"

"I can change my mind you know…"

-OG-

You got to hand it to her, she knows how to throw a bleeding party, even a little one like Ted's birthday thing. The place looks fucking amazing, the sitting room is all sparkling and tarted up with flowers and candles like some posh hotel or something, and you know what, it's bloody hard when I look round and see it like this to think it's all going to be Charles' one day. And mine I suppose. Looking at it now I can well understand why Amber wanted him for his house. Alright there might possibly have been one or two other reasons as well but I'm not going to think about them, every time I do, I get a bit bothered she's going to pop out from under her stone any second with that stupid smirk on her face. And I know if she does, I might be going to have to slap it off her, just might have to remind her that he's taken.

I've always known her name is Etta, but had never called her it, or ever actually called her anything at all. I've just avoided giving her a name or a title and you can't call someone Oi You all the time, can you? She's not my mum so no way am I calling her that, and she went all like she was doing me a huge bleeding favour when I called her Mrs James and she said I could call her Etta. Wasn't going to do that, didn't want to, did I? We're not mates.

Ted was standing with his back to the fireplace with a glass in his hand and I know I haven't seen him for a bit, but I got this big shock when I saw how like a Charles with white hair he is these days. I'd forgotten how tall he is, like Charles, and that he's still pretty fit looking, but I've also got to say I was pretty sure the glass wasn't his first. Not that he looked pissed exactly, if he was then he was much better at holding his booze than either his son or me, his legs still looked rigid but he had that look on his face that said he wasn't feeling much pain, that he wasn't feeling much of anything actually. Lucky him.

"'ello Ted"

"Well, well, well … Molly my pet … how lovely to see you sweetheart ... let me have a look at you" He sort of grabbed me by the shoulders and held me away from him a bit and I could see how carefully he was focussing "Every bit as beautiful as I remember … Charles is a very lucky man"

"Ummmm … thank you … you look … ummm … pretty well yourself … Oh and Happy Birthday"

I knew the witch couldn't be anywhere near because if she had been, he wouldn't have said any of that, I certainly don't remember me and him ever being on those sort of terms before. I don't think he ever used to take much notice of me, so I'm pretty sure it's got a lot to do with him being pissed at her for some reason, or maybe it's that he's just plain pissed. Maybe it's the booze talking. Because I was right about that. I suppose growing up with my dad made me a bit of an expert at spotting these things, although Ted wasn't yet totally rat-arsed like my dad would be if it was his birthday. Ted's eyes were just a tad glazed and there was a bit of a fixed grin on his gob, but then soon as he got close enough to kiss me on my cheek, I had to hold my breath. Trouble was I had this huge urge to give in and giggle and then find Charles and warn him he better watch out that his dad didn't get too close to the candles, his breath was enough to blow us all to smithereens. Mind you if I had to live with her like he did, I'd probably drink too much as well. Actually, I've got a feeling I'd be a bloody raging alcoholic by now.

"Thank you … did I hear you say it's my birthday? Is it? Is that what all this nonsense is about?"

Just for a minute I did think he might be losing the plot, but then saw the look on his face that said he was pissing about, anyway surely if it was for real Charles would have said something? He'd have warned me, wouldn't he?

"Yeah … today … it's your 21st … that's what I was told, although must say you don't look that old"

"Flattery will get you everywhere, pet … so… how have you been, it must be very strange for you coming back here like this … after all this time"

"Well, yeah, I s'pose … you know… it's okay, not that bad … it's ummm .. a special occasion though, innit?"

What the fuck are you supposed to say to something like that? And he's obviously expecting me to say something, and when is my ever-loving bloody husband going to stop talking to whoever those bloody people are he's talking to and come and rescue me from his pissed relative? He's supposed to be getting me a drink not giving someone his fucking life history.

"Sorry Moll … here …"

I don't actually remember the last time I was quite so bloody pleased to see a Vodka, or a husband for that matter. Alright so maybe I always feel a little bit like that when I'm out and am about to get my first drink of the evening, not when I'm at home, I haven't got a drink problem, honestly, and not normally about seeing him. But I was a bit grateful, alright a lot grateful and grabbed the glass to swig half of it in one go. It was going to be a bloody long, bloody tedious, bloody awkward evening, I'd been dead right about that, but at least his Bossman sixth sense had kicked in and told him I needed him to rescue me.

"Hello Dad … Happy Birthday"

"Thank you … hello son, your beautiful wife tells me it's my 21st, but I think she might just be being kind … I have a feeling she's humouring an old man"

"You're not old"

"See? … I told you …. lovely girl your Molly…"

"I know …. She's fucking awesome … and she's always kind"

"Oi … Do you mind not talking about me like I'm not 'ere"

"Sorry"

They were both grinning at me as I sort of pretended to be getting annoyed, although I'm not altogether sure I was playing around. It really pisses me off when people do that, alright when he does that. And I'm not sure how it happened that his arm had somehow found its way round my shoulders and his hand had buried itself in my hair as his thumb stroked the back of my neck. Still I couldn't help wondering where she was and if she was watching. Etta I mean, not Amber. I haven't seen hide nor hair of Ginger Barbie so maybe I was wrong about that. Hope so.

I did get a bit of a shock when I looked across and saw little Sammie over by the door, I say little, but I can't believe how bloody much he's changed. He still looks like a clone of his dad, that hasn't changed, I'd know him anywhere and I got no idea why I expected him to still be little like he was, kids grow, don't they? My own brothers will tell you, but Sam's got so bloody big and grown up looking and I guess if he's here it must mean Rebecca is here somewhere as well, this evening is getting better and better by the minute. I am not jealous of her, I'm not, honestly I'm not, if Charles wanted to be with her he's had plenty of opportunity, they've both had plenty of chances, it's just that she always used to make me feel little and scruffy and just a little bit shit. Still that was three years ago, and a lot of stuff has happened since then so there's no way I should be letting old stuff get to me. This is not some bleeding competition to see who he loves the most, and even if it was, I'd win. I think. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

"SAMMIE … over here"

"Hello Granddad"

Sam hugged Ted without a flicker of a flinch, so maybe he's well used to kissing someone whose breath is 90% proof, hope not. Ted smells like the Earl at closing.

"Happy Birthday Granddad"

He'd still got the same happy grin on his face when he moved away from his grandfather, so maybe he doesn't have much of a sense of smell.

"Hello Molly … I knew you'd be here, I heard Gran tell mummy … it's been a long time since I saw you"

Oh shit, wonder what the fuck he heard her say about me? Whatever it was, I bet it wasn't good. Don't think I want to know details actually.

"Yeah …it's been a while hasn't it? It's good to see you mate … so, how you been? 'Ere … what they been feeding you on? You're nearly as tall as me"

"I don't know … just … food?"

Sam giggled, he's still enough of a kid to laugh when a so-called grown-up says something incredibly stupid. Of course, he's fucking grown, it's been three years, I'll be asking him how school is going in a minute. I mean could I get any worse? He still looks just like Charles who really isn't helping at all, I heard him give this little snort because of how stupid I sound.

"Well, actually, I think he might even be taller than you when you're not wearing those ridiculous shoes"

"Shut up"

Alright, I've got to admit, that did sting a bit, it hurt my feelings didn't it? He'd said he thought these shoes were sexy or I looked sexy in them or something and that was the whole bloody reason I was even risking having my feet fucking drop off, not because I like being in agony or anything, although at least they're numb now.

"I thought you liked them?"

"I do" The bugger is laughing at me again "But you have to …."

"Ssshhhh" Mr Happy's finger is almost up his nose as he sprayed out this loud shushing noise, and made a face towards where the old witch is looking round at everyone with a satisfied smirk on her face "It's her big moment … now … all of you, everyone … you need to shut up and listen carefully … there'll be a written exam afterwards so make sure you don't miss any of it"

"DAD"

I think Charles might just have noticed how bloody ratted his dad actually is, he's definitely not amused. I've seen that look on his face enough times over the years to know it spells trouble for someone as he gave this sort of warning nod in Sam's direction. I suppose I got to admit it was a bit, what do you call it, inappropriate, alright, actually it was bloody rude, but still can't help being glad it's not me in the deep shit this time. It's bloody hard enough as it is with trying not to laugh.