CHAPTER NINETEEN
The next day, at breakfast, she'd been minding her own business and having a big bowl of cereal, when Harry walked into the room. She knocked her elbows over the butter dish with a clatter, and everyone turned to look at her. Her face reddened, and Ginny just grinned at her. "Reminds me of the way I used to act around Harry the summer before I started Hogwarts, mate," she muttered to Alexa. When Alexa blushed more furiously, Ginny frowned. "What happened?" But Alexa wouldn't say.
Harry kept his face down during breakfast, relieved when Alexa disappeared when she was done with her meal. Neville and Ginny gave him pointed looks, hoping he would reveal something, but he just shrugged and shook his head, trying to act normal. They behaved in this manner the entire day, until Harry finally found her alone after dinner in the garden outside.
"You know, I think we're being just a little obvious."
She looked up at him as he sat down beside her on the grass. "You think?" she quipped.
"Well," he began, plucking at a blade of grass. "Ginny and the twins have a bet going on."
"Yeah?"
"They think I kissed you last night. Ginny thinks you kissed me."
Alexa bit her lip. "What did you tell them?"
"Denied everything of course."
She nodded. "Can we just not talk about it, Harry? Just go back to normal?"
"Is that what you want?"
She nodded. "Maybe we could go back to being friends, Harry. We could go do that Muggle café thing you were talking about. I think it'll be fun."
He smiled, feeling a twinge of hurt when she added, "and yeah, Harry, you were right, it probably was just the emotions of the day getting to me."
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."
They helped each other up to their feet, then walked back to find the twins and Ginny waiting for them, with the twins proceeding to waggle their eyebrows at the two. Harry tried to laugh it off, but Alexa was straight up furious, yelling at the Weasley children to "cut it out."
They set off together the next morning, taking the Floo network to Diagon Alley, then walking silently to the Muggle café in awkward silence, despite their best attempts at maintaining normalcy. Then they stopped outside the board which read 'Olivia's café'.
"This is it."
She ran her fingers over the words on the board, a solemn expression on her face. "I wish this felt familiar. I wish I remembered. Something. Anything." She looked at him. "The most I've felt was that night you told me about us, and even then, it was just the familiarity of a feeling. I just want my memories back, Harry!"
He rested his hand on her shoulder gently. "If it helps, I don't think you really registered the name of the café the first time we came here. You were in such a tearing hurry to get away from St Mungo's, from the entire wizarding world. Right now, what you want most of all is to remember, back then, you just wanted to forget."
She peered nervously inside. "Let's go in." She opened the door, then frowned. "Where did we sit last time?"
"There," he pointed subtly, "but that table's taken. It's okay, you don't have to be right there to remember. Maybe the smell of the cake or the taste might do the trick. And maybe, you know, the point of today isn't to remember."
"What's the point then?"
"Let's find out?"
She sat down at a table, and he ordered a cake and brought it along with him when he returned. He expected her face to light up, but she looked at it unseeingly, digging her fork into it forcefully. He observed her for a while, then put his fork down.
"Alexa. Don't beat yourself up so much about this. It's okay if you don't remember. Please don't think any of us are forcing you into remembering. Especially me, after that whole declaration of love I made the other night. It's okay if you don't remember what happened between us."
"I feel powerless. There are all these owls coming to the Burrow every day, people want to congratulate me and thank me for something I don't even remember doing. Is this what it's like, Harry? I really wanted to come out here and have a good time today. I'm ruining it for you, aren't I?"
He squeezed her hand, shaking his head. They were silent for a long time, then Harry, attempting to lighten the mood, said, "Hey, I ended up winning the competition again. I'm done with my half of the cake!"
But she wasn't having any of it. She mustered a feeble smile, but she was lost in thought.
"Alexa. Hey. Do you want to go back home? We can just get this packed and go back."
She was quiet. "Maybe we can go around the shopping plaza? I saw a small jewellery shop on our way here."
The two walked around aimlessly, sometimes pointing at something in a shop's window pane, sometimes entering the shop. They reached the jewellery shop at last. After looking around a bit, Harry walked up to Alexa with a pendant in his hand. "How's this?"
Alexa raised her eyebrows in admiration. She let her hands run over it, taking in its beauty, appreciating how the light hit it in all the right places. "Harry, this is perfect. I-"
"Do you think she'll like it?"
"Er-what?" she asked, her face falling.
"Ginny. Do you think she'll like it?"
Alexa tried not to look crestfallen as Harry continued to tell her how he and Ginny were really just beginning to appreciate the Bond they shared, how they were getting much closer than they had been, even during their physical relationship. Alexa just nodded along.
"- and I saw the halo and the wings and it's from their Angel collection and I thought it would be a nice reference to her being my Guardian Angel and all…"
"It's pretty," she muttered. "Just like Ginny."
"Yeah, it'll really suit her. Won't clash with her hair or anything either. In fact…hmm, it might just accentuate it!"
He finally went and purchased the pendant. Alexa was sullen and quiet the entire way back home, but Harry barely noticed because of how pleased he was with himself.
When they reached the Burrow, Ginny was sitting in the garden with Neville, listening to him tell her about some rare plant he'd found in there. Her face was emanating a glow that was the result only of being deeply in love. Alexa had never seen her look as beautiful as she did in that moment, and she could feel her heart break as she saw Harry look at her. He handed Alexa the leftover cake, and called out to Ginny to show her what he'd brought her. Alexa bit her lip as she saw Ginny's face light up. Then she finally lost her cool.
She slammed the parcel down. "Keep the bloody cake. I don't care about the cake, and…and, I don't care about you!"
Harry frowned. "You don't even have Voldemort in you anymore, why are you getting angry for no reason again?"
"Because I'm in a tornado of my emotions, Potter, well- spotted!"
Ginny stood up in a rage. "Honestly, Alexa, what's your excuse for being a bitch this time?" she shouted.
Alexa's face softened, a creasing marring her forehead. "And you!" Then her voice broke. "I feel like such a fool."
With that, she disappeared into the house, and walked out of the kitchen back door to be alone.
Harry, Ginny and Neville were perplexed, and Harry went into the house after her, but not before muttering to Ginny, "You shouldn't have yelled at her, mate."
After looking for her all over the house, he found her sitting outside in the backyard, but her face told him he should let her be for a while. He made his way back to the garden, where Ginny and Neville were bickering.
"She can't just go and say stuff like that whenever she wants, Neville! Merlin knows how much shit she's given him the last few months. I can't see her affect him like that again. I care about him, dammit!"
"Gin, I'm not saying she's right, just…let me handle this one, okay? Your temper is doing you no favours at present."
They looked up at Harry. "Mate, why don't we go to our room," said Neville. He shut the door when they got there, and they sat down on the bed, Harry in clear disbelief.
"What did I do wrong?" he paused. "I wish Hermione were here, she'd have settled this ages ago. Man, I miss the digs Ron would have taken at my expense too."
Neville sighed. "Harry, I know I'm neither of them. And I know you're more comfortable with Ginny. But it seems like Ginny is somehow involved in this, so it's better if I help you through this, yeah?"
Harry nodded. Neville continued in an off-hand manner, "Speaking of Ginny, nice pendant, huh."
Harry offered him a small smile. "Thanks. I hadn't gotten her a birthday present and she hadn't been talking to me for weeks. I thought this would be perfect."
"A bit too perfect, maybe?"
Harry frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Probably just a hunch, and, I mean I know Alexa loves Ginny and all, but I'm not so sure she feels completely secure about you when it comes to Ginny."
"Secure? What? I mean, I'm not even sure she likes me, and-"
"Something happened a few days back. No- don't go all, 'It was nothing, Neville,' on me, I can see right through that. I know she's seeing a therapist, she told me yesterday. But something happened after she got back, which had you two acting like idiots the whole day yesterday. What happened?"
"We…um, kissed."
Neville cocked an eyebrow. "Wait, so the twins and Ginny were right? Wait, did you kiss her or did she-"
"She'd had a long day. She'd been having nightmares for a while. She hadn't eaten at all that day she went to the therapist, because of how nervous she was. When we got back, I just let her be by herself for as long as she needed, reminding her I was right there whenever she was comfortable. I'd told her about me having feelings for her and she didn't seem too freaked about it you know?"
"Yeah, Ginny told me everything you told her, because obviously you missed out the details while telling me. You're not really good at this storytelling thing, did you know?"
Harry lightly punched Neville's arm. "She came to our room at midnight. You and Ginny were asleep so we went to the kitchen. I know hot chocolate always makes her feel better so I'd made some earlier that evening. And then I realised she was hungry, so I made her pancakes…"
"Harry, I'm loving this cute little story but you better be going somewhere with this."
"No, that's it, that's it, I made her pancakes and then we were washing up and then she kissed me."
"So she was the one who started it, AHA. Ginny will be pleased to know she was right and that she's winning the bet!"
"She can't make money off my misery!"
"Anyway. Did you kiss her back?"
Harry fell silent. Neville began to shake his head. "Don't tell me you tried to do tongue with her immediately, Harry, you've got to go SLOW and see how the girl is responding, Harry HONESTLY-"
"I didn't kiss her back."
"Wait…what?"
"I didn't kiss her back," repeated Harry dumbly.
"But…you've been mad about her for ages, right? She broke your heart at the Astronomy Tower, you stayed friends with her, you saw her die and you ran straight to the Forbidden Forest without a care in the world…we're talking about the same girl, right? That girl kissed you and you didn't kiss her back?"
"I pulled away, and I told her she was probably just emotional because of the therapy. I told her I didn't want to take advantage of her. Heh, Ginny would probably say it's me being all noble again."
Neville just shook his head. "Harry, why do you have to confuse the girl so much? She loses her memory, then she finds out you were in love with her and that apparently maybe she was too? And then she kisses you and you don't even kiss her back before breaking away? You say she's just being emotional, thereby invalidating her feelings? And then you go and buy Ginny this pendant, what do you want the poor girl to think?"
"You're saying she thinks I like Ginny?"
"Not just that, she probably thinks that's why you didn't kiss her back. And now she's confused, because obviously she wants to get her memory back and have the two of you be in love again, but she's terrified that you've already moved on and that she may have feelings but not at the level of intensity it was before. She's not sure if she loves you enough to plan out her own death again, but then you pull shit like this and she's not even sure if she should try to get there."
"God, I couldn't even shut up about how amazing Ginny was, and how it would look amazing on her. I shouldn't have said anything. I shouldn't have told her about my feelings. Or hers."
"What's the real reason you didn't kiss her back?"
"I got scared. That's it, I was scared. I'd never wanted to say anything to her because I didn't want to pressurise her into having feelings for me, and when she kissed me, I thought she was just forcing herself to like me, and I didn't want that because if it didn't come organically then she would think she doesn't like me at all and write it off completely and…"
"Harry, you've got to slow down that racing mind of yours, man. Listen, Alexa has always been jealous of Ginny when it comes to you. I remember when you'd first started going to therapy and the lessons with Snape were driving you nuts and you were hanging around Ginny all the time, Alexa would come to me and be sore about it. And now that you've fully embraced your Bond, it's difficult for her to see that. Especially because she has no memory of the way you were when you loved her. That part of you is only what she's heard. She doesn't remember any of those things. She needs to feel your love again. Your unwavering attention."
"How do you know all this, Neville?"
"It's because I, unlike you, decided to focus on finding out who Alexa is right now. Instead of moping about and whining about how she's no longer the person she was. You have to understand her, Harry. Here is someone who has as much baggage as you do, the same fears about her loved ones dying because of her. You have to be gentle with her, and tread slowly, the way she did with you. And maybe you could have started by getting her some jewellery too!" he laughed.
"But I… I did!" Harry reached into his bag. "I got her this, look! It was supposed to be a surprise, and I wasn't sure when to give her this, but like, you see its significance? Ginny is my Guardian Angel, but Alexa has my heart!"
Neville turned up his nose. "Heart jewellery? Harry Potter, I'm really disappointed!"
Just then, there was a knock on the door and Harry saw Ginny's blazing hair. She came in with a stricken expression on her face and a letter in her hands. Neville stood up. "What's the matter, Gin?"
A/N: please review!