Dear Readers,

Thank you for joining us once more at the House on the Lake. Here is a bonus chapter for Labor Day. What do you think will happen next? Will he ever let her go or will she give up and try to find happiness in the life that she has?

Chapter 24: Make Your Choice

By the time he had returned I was in my room, having dozed off. I awoke to hear him moving quickly through the house, calling for me. I was rubbing the sleep out of my eyes as he opened the door to my room.

"You stayed," he said in awe.

"I promised that I would Erik," I replied.

He began to tremble as his body shook with tears of relief. I opened my arms and he came to me and I pulled him into an embrace. I rocked him while we sat on the bed, running my hands down his back as he had with me. More than his anger, this was why I couldn't leave without him deciding to let me go. I couldn't cause him such pain because I did care for him.

I thought maybe he might reconsider since he was surprised I had stayed. "Erik, let me go. It is wrong to keep me here against my wishes. I will come back. You have my word."

"I can't!" he cried. "We will marry and then you will never leave because you will promise before God to stay with you Erik. We can return to the happiness that was before this Carlotta business."

"I can't marry you. You are too controlling. I demand to be treated as an equal and that means valuing my desires too, " I proclaimed.

He took my hand now bare of his ring. He removed his ring and once more held it out to me but this moment lacked the joy I had felt on the roof. He spoke. "I love you and I promise you to keep you safe as long as you wear my ring."

"We can't marry now, Erik. I know you don't want to be alone but our relationship is not right." I folded his hand over his ring.

He rushed on, "No, my Angel, you don't understand. You who are all beauty and light do not understand the torment and loneliness this face has bought me. You were the first to kiss me and the first to want my touch. How can I let you go? You have given me a taste of the heaven that handsome men, like your Vicomte have known. No, you will not leave me and we will be married. We can have the happiness that once was ours," and he took my hand pushing the ring on to my finger.

He pulled my hands together and to his lips as he continued, "You do not need to leave this house. Last year you begged me to let you stay in the house on the lake. I was ready to let you go then but you wanted to stay, you beseeched me to stay. You can be yourself with me. Remember only I know you are not Christine and accept you. They might lock you up and I can't let that happen to you."

I pulled my hands from his soft lips, angry at myself for wanting them on my lips instead of my knuckles. My heart was betraying my head.

He pressed on against my rejection, "You love music as I do. I do not care that you are from the future and thus have different views. With you I saw the life I have craved for so long coming to fruition. I dared to hope for more. You were happy so I do not see why you cannot be so again."

"Respect my view that I want choice, a say in my life then." I turned away from him and pulled the blanket over my head. I half expected or wanted him to turn me back toward him and to feel his arms around me. I heard him shut the door quietly instead. I twisted his ring, the smooth stone was soft under my fingers as I struggled to fall asleep.

I gave up and lit a candle. The flickering candle light cast a wavering light that challenged my bedtime reading of Jane Eyre.

"Jane, be still; don't struggle so, like a wild frantic bird that is rending its own plumage in its desperation." "I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will, which I now exert to leave you."

Were Jane and I not one in the same. Was I not as conflicted as she had been over Rochester. How could I leave? I lay in bed reflecting on my earlier conversation with Erik. I needed to change my tactic, no amount of reasoning seemed to sway him from his decision.

The following morning he knocked on my door. "Come in." I called.

His lips were pressed together into a thin line. "What is the meaning of this?" he asked, holding up the note that I had left outside my door.

"It is as it says, I will not eat until you promise to release me. I am going on a hunger strike."

"You cannot be serious," he exclaimed, holding the letter high.

"I do not expect the person I am in a relationship to treat me as you have. You say you love me but this is not love that you feel for me, it's an unhealthy obsession. I will not eat until you let me decide my life."

"I do not understand this need to be away from me when you were happy when we were together."

"I want the same freedom that you have, to come, to go as you please, and to decide your fate."

"Fate, what fate do I have? I would not have chosen this fate, my dear girl, for I am not sadistic. No one chooses this face," he said while raising his hand to his face. "And where would you go?"

"I want a choice Erik." I pleaded.

"You keep speaking of choices as if you are still in your glorious future, where you have choices. What are your choices here, my Angel? Would you live in your dressing room? Would you continue your charade as Christine? Would you take up a subscriber as the other girls do?"

"No, my Angel, I am a better choice," said as he stood up straighter as he faced me. "You would not want those men as subscribers. They would not love you as I, instead only wanting what they feel they had paid you for."

Tears began to surface in my eyes at the bleak picture he was painting.

"Or the precious handsome boy, the Vicomte, who you claim is different and wants to court you, perhaps he is a better choice than Erik. But does he speak the truth or is he like his brother and the other aristocracy? For all his beauty he can't give you music." He stepped to me, pulling me off the bed to stand before him, pleading with me. "You need music as I do," he said pointing to his heart. "It is inside of you," and he placed his hand on my breast, my heart beating rapidly beneath the warmth of his hand. "Would you become his wife? Would you allow yourself to be stifled as you conform to society?" Then he grabbed both my hands in his, "You are freer down here than you ever would be up there where they pry and judge you. What choices would you have with him? Would you give up our music? I care not that you have particular sayings, speak of future things, only that you stay with me. Stay with me and sing, help me make music my Angel."

Then he was kissing me and in spite of my thoughts I responded to him, my lips moving beneath his. His arms moved up and down my spine, then his lips were on my neck and I shivered, swaying following his lead, my arms coming around his neck, pressing my body into his lean wiry frame. Then I felt my legs begin to give out as his warm soft lips traveled about my neck and advancing lower. Then he lifted me up, cradling me to him as he continued to kiss me, his presence, an onslaught on my senses as we were succumbing to our mutual desire to be loved. He lowered me on the bed and then he left me, the cool air hit me, reminding me of why I didn't want to yield in this matter when I was unsure of our relationship. "No Erik, we can't," he motions ceased as he stood near the bed, his jacket off, his hand poised by the buttons of his shirt. Was he trying to manipulate me? Was he speaking the truth? I just needed a break from us. When I was near him his presence overshadowed mine. His voice, his movements, his needs, his wants, his insecurities, his thoughts and his demands. I needed time to reflect. "Erik, you may speak some truth but I still want a break, time to think. I am so confused about us. Let me go. Just give me space." As he bent to pick up his jacket I noticed that his face had colored. He did not look at me as he left my room.

He tried unsuccessfully to get me to eat by cooking savory dishes and baking sweet desserts. The house on the lake smelled divine but I still refused to eat, though I did drink water. I refused his medicine now, no longer trusting him to not drug me and somehow force me to eat. I distracted myself by reading Jane Eyre, playing solitaire, playing piano, and finally sleeping. I remember reading about prisoners being able to strike for a month, with death occurring around day forty-five, as long as they drank water. After a few days I noticed I felt weaker, but I still refused to eat. I would not back down or I faced the rest of my life forever, differing to him. Erik tried conjoling me like parents do with babies to get them to eat. I felt if I caved in then he would win and I would never be free to make choices for myself. He had to let me go if he wanted any chance of me loving him. I could be just as stubborn as he, if not more.

On day five he came to me crying and begging me to eat as I sat reading on the settee. I just shook my head and walked into my room and closed the door. I refused to leave the room unless he was going to physically force me to. He sat by my bed for hours begging me to eat, trying to tempt me. He ceased to make music by voice or instrument and the house on the lake was hauntingly silent. We were both so painfully miserable, each of us stubborn. I would not differ to his needs over my own or it would forever be that way.

"Please let me go Erik. You say you love me. This is not love. When a person loves another person they put the other's interests above theirs. You are being selfish. I am a living creature with a mind of my own and the right to decide my own future."

"You are being selfish then, denying me your love," he said, throwing my words back at me. "You said you love me and I love you so we shall be married in three weeks." He countered.

"This is not love." I cried gesturing to the situation.

"I was and I am protecting you." he said in an attempt to justify his actions.

"Are you really Erik or do you just want me? Whom are you protecting me from?" I threw back at him.

"This world will hurt you my Angel, it is cruel and unfair. You are safer with me." He protested. "I can't let you get hurt."

"It is not your job to keep me safe, unless I ask you to. I can take care of myself. I have or had a job at the opera as the understudy and I have the ballet. I have Meg, her mother, the other ballet girls."

"I want to take care of myself and make my own decisions. You once said you liked that I was independent. If I choose to be with you then I will be with you but it is wrong to force me." How could I make him understand?

"Why wont you eat? You are hurting yourself." He begged.

"You leave me no choice. It is the only control you have left me with."

I stood thinking to go to my bathroom to escape him. He threw his arms around me, clinging to my waist as he sobbed, "I love you, but I love you, I love you. Is being with Erik so horrible that death is preferable?" Do you love me?" He asked his eyes full of hope.

I looked down at his eyes, one through the mask, both glistening. I reached my fingers to his unmasked side and drew an imaginary pattern on his face and brushed a few wisps of hair back. His eyes had closed at my touch, savoring it. "I do but you have been destroying my love for you by keeping me. You promised to be good and then you were going to hurt Carlotta to get your way. That was wrong. You only seemed to feel remorseful when I got hurt instead. You have to treat others with kindness, not just me because you want me and I was kind to you. You are not being kind or good to me now though." I took my hand back from his head.

"My Angel, I am sorry I hurt you." He cried pressing against me and I could feel the outline of his mask cut into my side.

"You are continuing to hurt me now. I was upset with you and I wanted space and you did not respect my decision. You did what you wanted. You drugged me Erik. How could you? That's when you broke my heart and I began to love you less. Each day my feelings for you change. You are taking pieces of the love I had for you away daily when you treat me this way. Couples stay together because they both want to be together not because they have to." I pulled away from his embrace and he let me step back, releasing me from his embrace. "My heart hurts, I said pointing to my chest. I want to forgive you, I want to love you but I can't while I am your prisoner. I am mourning what we had. Oh why did you have to do this?" I began to sob and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and he did not follow.

By day seventeen I was so weak I don't think I could have left the room if I wanted to on my own power. He realized this and left me alone for a period, for errands I suppose, not even bothering to extract a promise that I would stay. Or maybe he trusted me to stay, I could hope for the latter. The house became even more eerie without him. I missed him. What was wrong with me? How could I miss him? He returned with packages from the sounds of rustling. I heard him opening cupboards, probably putting things away. Maybe I was wrong and I would not make it to day forty-five but die sooner, because he didn't appear to be relenting. My clothes hung so loose and I found bones I didn't know I had.

He came into my room, avoiding eye contact with me. A vase of flowers was placed on my dresser, a cheery set of bright blooms, in sharp contrast to my mood. He was turned partially away from me. He reached his hand out to stroke a petal. I saw the yellow petal fall to the dresser top. He picked it up, rubbing it between his fingers.

It was strange that he wasn't talking to me. The silence stretched on, feeling awkward. "Erik?" I pulled him from his thoughts.

"I picked these flowers for you, to cheer you up, but like you they are dying because of me." He turned to me, taking in my appearance. "I will take you above," he said with resignation.

"I am free? " I whispered.

"Yes my Angel is free to choose."

"How can I be assured that you are being truthful?" I asked.

He sighed. "I can't take this my Angel, we were so happy and now we are not. I do not know how to fix this. Your life is more important than mine. If you truly are happier without me than I release you. Please eat something, I can't stand seeing you suffer anymore. When you are strong enough to walk then I will take you above. Now, will you eat? I am letting you go."

I stared at him. I had won, but a part of me was still dissatisfied.

"Please, will you eat something if I bring you soup? My Angel?" he pleaded.

I nodded.

He brought me some soup and I eagerly drank it. Too quickly it came back up. Maybe I had done more damage than I planned.

"Too quickly my dear," he said. He returned with another bowl and spoon fed me soup slowly over the course of an hour. "If it stays down then you can have more in another hour. I had to eat small amounts like this after I was made to starve for almost a month."

Oh, what has he been through? Why had he starved for a month? I asked myself. I closed my eyes and rested.

He was attentive and a good nurse. He was happier now that I was eating. He began to sing again softly while he was with me. I smiled again and found I unconsciously was seeking his touch again, a brush of his hand here and there. He kissed my forehead and I did not shy away as I had before. Slowly music returned to the house in the lake.

I tried to stand after eating and my legs gave out but Erik was quick to catch me and I leaned into him. "I am so sorry," he apologized. "I don't deserve you. You are right to leave Erik, I am a monster to do this to you."

I didn't deny his words. "Would you read to me Erik? I would like to hear your voice."

His eyes became hopeful at my words. "Shall we continue Jane Eyre?" he said as he picked up the book from my night stand. I had gotten ahead of him but I didn't mind him returning to where we had left off together.

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