Helllooooo, welcome back to my tiny corner of the internet. Hope you enjoy this instalment, really fun writing from Alex's perspective in this one.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Shondaland

MG- What?! Wait no- I must be hallucinating again, this can't be real. I must have imagined it, right? I mean yesterday, I saw George sitting at the end of my bed, so I mean this must just be another hallucination, yep… I mean, I'm a doctor, I know that this is a hallucination. I mean, my head is thumping, so I guess, obvious head trauma. This is common. I know it is. I know these are hallucinations. But, I can't help but shake the feeling that this might just not be…oh my god… Derek. What is Derek going to say? I need to talk to Derek, I need to go, I need to tell him, we need to talk about this. I try and open my eyes again, I want to see Cristina, look her in the eye, to be sure. This still could just be some terrible dream… I move to open my eyes, forcing them open, but it feels like they are weighed down by a thousand bricks. Wow, they really must have gone hard with the sedatives. Or this whole thing was as bad as it felt.

CY- No. Bailey wouldn't have kept this from her, from us. That is cruel. Bailey isn't cruel. I stare at Meredith's frail body, trying to imagine how anything could have survived all that she has gone through. This is the worst luck she could have possibly been dealt. But she deserved to know, she deserved to know about her own baby!

"Bailey, how could you…" I say slowly, and quietly, still processing what has just happened.

"I-It was… we-w…Cristina, I was trying to spare her… to spare her the pain, the pressure, I-I…"

"how could you…" I echo

"Seriously Bailey, that is screwed up, she has the right to know about her own baby! For god's sake! What about Derek? What else have you been hiding?" Alex exclaimed,

"Please can we just, go and talk about this, somewhere else" Bailey pleads,

"Oh, for fuck's sake Bailey, she just heard! She knows you have been hiding her own pregnancy from her! And you want to go somewhere else? Like that is going to fix anything!?"

"Karev, calm down! We did this to protect her, to sh-"

"We?! We? There are more people who know? You're telling me that everyone seems to know about Mer's baby except Mer!"

"Alex, stop! You are not helping anything right now! We hid the pregnancy because of this, because of this happening. We were trying to save her from this pressure, from this conflict, I was trying to give her a break from all this!"

I just stood there. Staring at Meredith's lifeless form on the bed. So relieved that she fell unconscious again. She doesn't need to hear this. I just don't want to see what she has to say when she wakes up again.

AKAR- I defend Mer because that's all I know how to do. She always talks about Cristina being her person, but right now, she needs a lot more than one person. I sit down, tired from fighting with Bailey. It isn't getting us anywhere. I try to lean back and relax but I can't, my body is tense, tied up. I can't stop thinking about how Meredith was kept in the dark about HER OWN pregnancy. Its shit. Its really shit. The tension in my shoulders intensifies, I feel like someone is suffocating me.

I try to listen to Meredith's voice in my head, telling me to stop focusing on the past and think about the future. She always was so frank like that. Wait no- is! Is so frank like that! This is definitely not the time to start talking about her in past tense. She is here. She is alive. At least I can focus on that. I focus. I focus so hard. But the tension doesn't go. It feels like there isn't enough oxygen in the room. The invisible strings tighten around my throat, my arms, my legs. I'm a doctor. I know what this is. This is a panic attack. And Meredith doesn't need any semblance of 'panic' in the room right now.

I don't know what comes over me but I storm out of the room, and out of the ICU. The hospital blurs as I begin to jog. To jog away from it all. To get away from the strings, from the panic, from the focussing, from everything. I pass the bustling corridors of the cardio ward, missing the elevator, instead taking the stairs down. I keep on moving, increasing my pace, my thoughts swirling uncontrollably in my head, forcing me forwards. I bump shoulders with someone as I make for the entrance, I mumble an apology, but I can't think about that now. I just need to get out. I just need to get away. To be done with all of this crap. Everything becomes blurred except for that door.

And I'm out. It's as if I have finally come up to breathe after holding my breath for the last 10 minutes. The cold air surrounds me, sending chills through my body. I hear my chest heave and see my breath fade to fog in the air. As the fog dissipates, so does the tension in my shoulders, slowly. I feel a wave of relief rush over me. Dizziness even. This is dizzying. That's the word. All of this happening is dizzying. Everyone I know and love, my family, are broken. They are a heap of broken bones, internal bleeds, bruises and trauma which I fear they will never recover from. And I feel paralysed. I feel useless. I can barely breathe, let alone help them. I want to be there for Mer, for Cristina, for Lexie, for all of them. But it is killing me. And this pregnancy is just the cherry on top. I don't know what to do. I am 9 again, sitting in the kitchen, watching my mom shout at nothingness. Helpless.

Overcome with guilt, I stumble to the wall, losing all strength I thought I had left. And I let myself go. A minute later, I find myself sobbing on the cold, icy gravel, my back leaning on the wall, my head in my hands. I know I have to toughen up. I know I have to breathe again. For Meredith. But for now, I need to sob. Just for a second. I need the icy gravel, the cold wall, and the tears. And then I will be ready to face this.

MB- This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. It wasn't supposed to be revealed like this. It would have been better to have stayed a secret, because in all likelihood, this baby probably won't make it. I hate to admit it, but I have to be realistic. And now Meredith probably knows, Cristina is silent (no doubt, with anger, or grief for the poor baby, or both) and Alex has stormed off. The secret is out. Now time for damage control.

Oooooo, I have a hunch that this secret is going to spiral a bit more than Bailey would like… we will just have to wait and see… stay tuned! Plz take a sec to drop a review, really nice hearing what you guys think/want to happen etc… cya!