Skaifaya

by Cairlinn1991

What if Charlotte was not the only or even the youngest child on the dropship? This is the story of nine-year-old Marie Matthews, who is sent down to earth as a member of the 100. When Murphy is exiled from the 100 Marie follows him and they run into grounders. Separated from the 100 and to become Anya's second how will Marie stay alive and find a new life for herself?

18. Chapter 18 (171 - 180)

Chapter 171

Marie was glad to realize that the tea had truly helped and she did not feel as queasy anymore. She still did not feel any real hunger, so she had stopped eating as soon as the general seemed to be remotely satisfied with the amount of food Marie had forced down her throat. Food had lost its appeal to her a long time ago and nothing seemed to have any taste anymore, but she did not voice her feeling to either Ontari or Anya.

She listened intently as Anya discussed with a woman who had introduced herself as the lead healer of the tower about teas she could be given to help with her sleep. Marie narrowed her eyes in confusion, she was positive she had not woken the general during the night. So, how did the woman even know she had not slept properly?

It was obvious quickly that the healer, Laurel was her name which Marie filed away in her mind, was convinced that providing sleeping tonics to her was not a good idea in the long run. Marie scowled slightly, the idea of being able to sleep without any nightmares sounded enticing and she did not really care that they could be addictive. So, what? She could just keep on drinking them then and not have to fear another nightmare at all, it sounded like a very sound plan to her.

Marie watched on intently when the woman showed a few variations of sleeping tonics to the general, listing off advantages and disadvantages of the concoctions. She tried to remember exactly how the vial of the tonic looked like that the healer was convinced would truly provide a dreamless sleep. Laurel provided Anya with a small vial of the tonic, stressing the fact that Marie should not be allowed to consume the tonic for two nights in a row and how to douse it correctly. Two drops in a cup of water an hour before going to sleep, Marie stored the information carefully in her mind.

Marie had not said a single word during the whole conversation, same as Ontari, but while the blonde girl was fixed completely on the conversation, Ontari watched Marie's growing interest with a frown. She had a disquieting premonition somehow and she would need to keep a close watch on the younger girl.

When the healer bid her goodbye to the general, she nearly crashed into the commander, who stood in front of the door. Laurel quickly apologized, but the commander only waved her off.

Anya frowned at Lexa's getup. The commander was dressed in nondescript clothing, suitable for a hunting trip or another outing.

Marie had looked up as well and she narrowed her eyes at the commander. Now that she knew who the woman was, she recognized the woman easily even in nondescript clothing like that. But her green eyes still spoke to something within her, she could not quiet reach yet.

"I will take Marie on a scouting mission today" Lexa proclaimed to Anya. The general raised an eyebrow questioningly at her former second, but it was obvious by the set of her jaw, that the commander had already made up her mind and would not be swayed, no matter what she reasoned now.

Marie looked unsure at the proclamation, that her grey eyes sought Ontari's dark ones and not Anya's gaze, felt like a slight slap to the general.

"Weren't there meeting scheduled for later today?" Anya asked the commander, her eyebrows still raised slightly.

Ontari had subtly nodded at Marie, trying to convey without words to the younger girl that everything would be alright. The nightblood was fairly sure that Marie would not try to assassinate the commander and she could even understand why the commander would wish to spend time on her own with her second. But that would consequently leave her alone with the general, which made her even slightly anxious.

"Cancelled for the day" Lexa retorted simply, impatience colouring her tone to get started making it clipped.

Anya's frown only deepened. Something must have happened during the night to sour the commander's mood like that.

"Come" Lexa addressed the young blonde girl curtly and already turning around.

Now Marie's searching gaze turned to Anya and the general only inclined her head signalling that it was alright.

When the commander tapped her foot impatiently, Marie almost jumped form her chair to follow the commander's order. Anya and Ontari watched the younger girl leave in silence.

Marie followed the commander's quick and fast strides somewhat anxiously. Anya had previously said that the commander and she had decided together that Marie and Ontari would spend a little time with the woman on a daily basis, but going on an outing with her, deviated quiet strongly from that.

Lexa had received a message from the Lake People first thing in the morning. A small troop of Azgeda soldiers had invaded their borders and burnt down several villages near the border after scavenging them beforehand. It meant that their efforts in starving out the Ice Nation were finally starting to show effects. But not only had the Lake People suffered unnecessarily losses, but the clan was complaining loudly also that the coalition had failed in protecting their borders. She had already sent out messengers to their bordering clans asking for reinforcement, but before those troops arrived, there was nothing she could do now. Being forced to remain within the walls of Polis, was starting to grant on her nerves and Lexa missed being out in the woods, free of being the commander, so she took a day out for herself. She had asked Clarke to accompany her, but the blonde had declined, saying that her mother and Raven were leaving soon and she had neglected to spend any time with her friend. Lexa had waved off the blonde's apology.

Spending time with Marie alone away from her duties would hopefully help to establish at least a tentative bond between them. Gustus and Titus both had not been really convinced in her plan of action, but she had waved both of their arguments off. Even if Marie did try anything, Lexa was skilled enough to defend herself. She would not admit it out loud, but Gustus' and Titus' insistence that spending time with the girl alone was to be too dangerous, bruised her pride. Lexa missed the girl's presence within her life and she could not loose hope to re-connect with the child, she needed to keep onto Clarke's words there.

It was obvious that the girl did not feel comfortable within her presence any longer and that irked her to no end. She direly missed the times, when she would curl up with the girl, uncomfortably squished into an armchair together or on the bed, and reading to her.

Gustus and Ryder would follow them with some distance, Lexa had not been able to discourage them and she had to agree that travelling without any kind of guarding was too dangerous, now that war was so close again. Although the terrain around Polis was heavily guarded, that did not guarantee that Nia could not have planted some lone assassins within the woods.

Lexa had ordered for her horse to be prepared ahead and she was surprised to see Marie's reaction to her black mare.

A soft smiled grazed the girl's lips and her horse instantly met Marie's outstretched hand, neighing at the girl in greeting.

"Hello, Sontam" Marie whispered to the black mare, scratching over its soft muzzle. Her smile grew slightly, when she spotted Risha as well. The wolf was old enough now, to learn to accompany them on a short hunting trip.

Her smile froze slightly, when Marie caught the commander's gaze resting on her.

Lexa had chosen an older horse for Marie, which should not be too complicated to handle for the young girl. She highly doubted riding had been something Nia would have Marie practise.

Marie was given a quiver, together with a bow and a dagger. She inspected the dagger cautiously, she was sure that she had seen such a blade before. She was still pondering the question, where she had seen this dagger before, when the commander ordered her to mount, startling the girl out of her thoughts.

Marie inclined her head and followed the order mutely. In the end, Risha could not accompany them, because the horse which had been assigned to Marie, would not stop being spooked by the wolf and Lexa was too afraid the girl would be thrown off somewhere along their trip.

The commander ordered Gustus to bring the wolf back into her quarters, making sure that the animal would not follow them. The burly guard visibly hesitated in obeying his commander's words, but he of course, consequently Ryder and Gustus could only start following Lexa and Marie a considerable time later.

Lexa instantly felt better once they rode out of the gates of Polis. She had missed riding, simply for the purpose of doing so.

Marie seemed to feel comfortable on her own horse as well and the girl did not have any problems to keep up with the fast tempo the commander had set.

They rode in silence for what felt like hours, but Marie enjoyed the feeling of the slight wind against her face and inhaled deeply once they reached the outskirt of the woods. She frowned slightly, when Lexa brought her own mare to a stop and dismounted, tying her mare's reigns on a tree, obviously intending to leave the horse there.

"We will go by foot. Scouting on a horse is not practical" Lexa addressed Marie, keeping watch that the girl got down from the horse without tumbling.

Marie nodded in silent understanding. The royal guard had only practised fighting techniques with her and she had not set foot outside of the queen's fortress until the day the queen had sent them towards Polis. But it made sense that travelling with a horse would make too much noise through the forest.

She kept a certain distance between herself and the commander, but she followed the woman obediently.

When Lexa lightly scolded her for placing her feet in the wrong way, destroying twigs under her boots carelessly and giving up her position that way, Marie suddenly stopped in her tracks.

Lexa whirled around in mute alarm, when all sounds of movement from Marie stopped abruptly. She frowned, when she noticed that the girl had remained rooted to the spot. Her grey eyes seemed unfocused and confusion was evident on her face.

Marie shook her head after a few tense moments, Lexa's eyes scanned the trees around them carefully in the meantime.

"Anya called me a baby pauna" the girl commented in a thoughtful tone her brows knitted together as she tried to make sense of the snippets of memories that had flown through her mind suddenly.

She glanced down at the dagger, fastened to her belt, and more memories assaulted her mind. Her grey eyes were visibly widened when they connected with Lexa's green ones "You gifted me with such a dagger…" the girl's voice was laced with confusion.

A slight smile tugged at the corners of Lexa's mouth and she inclined her head in agreement.

Marie fell into step behind the commander, trying to remember what Anya had taught her about walking through the wood with producing the least amount of noise as possible. She frowned when she distinctly remembered Lexa taking her on such an outing before. She remembered how she had hoped the commander would have been more fun on the trip, but the woman had criticised her nearly the same way Anya had, only with a little less bite to her tone.

"Why did you agree to take me on as your second?" Marie suddenly asked, ignoring the fact that if this had been a real scouting mission speaking would have definitely not been allowed.

Lexa slowed her pace, she had not truly planned to scout for real with Marie after all and she had hoped to get the child talking to her in a relaxed manner. She had thought about all the things she would wish to say to the girl, but she seemed to have forgotten all of it.

"Do you remember anything about the Mountain?" Lexa asked Marie, keeping her tone light and her features neutral.

Marie's brows knitted together visibly as she tried to remember anything. She knew she had seen a series of mountains on their way to Polis, but had that been special mountains? She tentatively asked the commander, but the woman shook her head in the negative.

"After Skykru fell from the sky and Anya had taken you as her second…" Lexa paused for a moment, thinking carefully about how much to tell the girl. She did not wish to overwhelm the girl after all. "…Anya disappeared" she settled on "I had been her second before and I had promised her to look after you, should anything happen to her".

Marie nodded now deeply in thought. The answer had opened more questions in her mind, than she could formulate simultaneously.

Lexa watched the emotions flicker briefly over the girl's features. It was obvious, she had learned relatively well on how to make her emotions harder to read, but she did not seem to have kept a tight hold on her guard right now, so Lexa was still able to pinpoint at least a few of them. She did keep her eyes on the trees around them as well.

Marie remembered how she had earned the commander's dagger, but Anya had been there as well. She distinctly remembered the presence of another girl at the incident, but she was not sure, so she kept her thoughts to herself.

"You can ask whatever you wish" Lexa offered in a kind tone, green eyes honest and expression open.

Marie looked visibly startled at the offer, she nodded slightly after a few moments, but no question came out of the girl's mouth.

Lexa sighed under her breath, turning her attention more firmly onto their surroundings. She had been scooped up within the tower for too long and she almost felt revived being reunited with a forest.

Marie's head was starting to hurt, trying to understand the little flashes of memories, which were not enough yet to make sense of them. Questions over questions were coursing through her mind. To top it all off, she could still hear the queen's words ringing through her mind, no matter how hard she tried to quieten them.

Marie tried to silence her mind completely instead, focusing on the woods.

When Lexa noticed that her charge's attention had also returned to their surroundings she resumed briefing the girl on which sounds to keep track off. She tried to teach to Marie which signs would show that someone had passed through these woods only recently.

The commander had not expected to find any fresh signs and she felt her body tense in anticipation, when they stumbled onto a fresh trail. It was obvious that the trail had not been left by an animal, the tracks of boots were easy to identify after all.

She silenced Marie quiet sharply, when the girl wanted to inquire what was wrong. Marie had obviously not caught up with what she had found yet, but the girl's eyes were still inexperienced and she would need further training in tracking soon enough.

Fortunately, Marie seemed to understand the urgency in her eyes and the girl seemed to try additionally hard to remain as quiet as possible.

Lexa took out her sword, when she realized that the trail they had been following met up with another trail, a larger one, left behind by at least five pairs of boots. Without the girl in her company, Lexa would have climbed into a tree and hidden there, but she was sure Marie would give away their position that way. The trail was fresh and the group who had left it behind, could not be far ahead of them.

Lexa motioned Marie into the opposite direction of the trail. The commander was convinced of her fighting skills, but picking up a fight one against six had nothing to do with skill. She would not put Marie into unnecessary danger and she cursed under her breath, she had specifically chosen this part of the forest surrounding Polis, as it was patrolled the most frequently.

Marie felt her heartbeat picking up slightly, she may not understand what exactly was wrong, but something clearly was.

Lexa had no real idea on how far away Gustus and Ryder would be, she had not heard the two guards and it was entirely possible that they had not caught up with them yet.

Marie followed the commander carefully, placing her feet as cautiously as possible and scanning the trees around them.

Suddenly, Marie noticed the gleam of metal reflecting sunshine on their left and she gasped loudly, whirling around.

The commander had also noticed and already charged at the warrior. The red warpaint smeared on the man's face easily identified him as a part of rebels who had banded together. Lexa growled under her breath at the realization, Titus had been convinced that the rebels would run out of resources soon enough and not a problem to worry about.

Marie watched the fight with widened eyes. The commander's skill was impressive, the woman moved with a deathly elegance and the warrior did not seem to stand a chance against her. Marie wondered, why Lexa had not killed the man already.

A sense of déjà vu washed through her mind, when Marie noticed a second warrior approaching. The feelings coursing through her mind seemed not be from the presence, the need to protect the woman was all encompassing and Marie charged forward loudly, armed with her dagger.

Lexa felt a flash of fear at the sight of Marie rushing at a second warrior, she had not noticed yet, only armed with a dagger. The man had two swords in his hands and the girl had a clear disadvantage.

Quickly, Lexa finished off the warrior she had previously only tried to subdue, hurrying over to aid Marie. She drove her sword cleanly through his back in the exact moment as Marie managed to get the dagger to the man's throat, slicing deeply. Blood sprayed from the gash in his throat and the man fell to his knees, gasping for breath, as Lexa pulled out her sword.

Marie's grey eyes were wide and she was deathly pale, the hand which held her dagger was clenched tightly around the polished handle and it shook strongly.

Marie was trying to reconcile the déjà vu she had just experienced with what had happened only moments ago. She remembered seeing Anya, faced with an opponent and a second one aiming a gun at her mentor, she had charge at the second man almost identically to what she had done now.

Lexa cautiously got closer to the girl. They needed to return to their horses and to Polis, the woods were obviously not as save as she had hoped.

An arrow suddenly wheezed past them, Lexa had heard it barely early enough, to pull Marie behind a tree. The arrow narrowly missing where they had just stood and it embedded itself into the tree with a dull thud.

Lexa looked around the tree cautiously, keeping Marie firmly pressed against it for cover, when she heard sounds of fighting and she let out a relieved breath. Gustus and Ryder had found them.

Chapter 172

Marie felt her heart beating strongly, adrenalin still pumping through her blood. She had not heard the wheeze of the arrow and had been startled quite strongly, when Lexa suddenly whirled her around and pressed her against a tree for cover.

The worry within the commander's green eyes had seemed honest. Marie was slightly confused why it looked like the commander would guard her first and herself later. Was it not the job of a warrior to die for their leader? Marie was not sure any longer, who her leader was supposed to be. The queen or the commander?

She vividly remembered now, how she had been in the forest with Anya and they had encountered two "Mountain Men". Although she remembered the term, the meaning remained foreign to her. It had been her very first kill. Anya had tried to calm her down and coax her out of the woods back into safety.

Marie followed the commander with slightly unsure steps. She recognized Gustus and Ryder as they killed the last of the rebels. The burly guard who had seemed so calm and understanding, looked deeply unsettled now.

Marie swallowed past a lump forming in her throat, when she looked down at the bodies of the warriors who had just died.

She heard the commander and Gustus exchanging a few rushed words, but Marie did not catch them. There was only a loud rushing sound in her ears.

She did not understand why looking at the slain warriors had such an effect on her body now. She had singlehandedly killed quite a few warriors during her time with the Ice queen and she had stopped feeling anything as a result, simply doing as she had been told.

Lexa watched from the corner of her eyes how Marie seemed to be caught in a daze. She gently touched the girl's shoulder to pull her back into the presence. They needed to get moving, there was no way of predicting how many more rebels might be hidden in the woods around them.

Marie startled strongly away from the unexpected touch, but her grey eyes looked almost sheepish when she realized her own volatile reaction.

Thankfully, Lexa did not comment on it and merely told Marie to follow them, as they set out back into the direction of the horses in a quick pace.

Lexa wondered internally what could have upset the girl to this extent. She had seen the numerous kill marks now carved onto the child's collarbone and she highly doubted Nia would have given Marie even a single one without watching the girl kill someone before. Consequently, Marie must have seen her fair share of deaths and it should not mean so much to her anymore. Lexa shook her head slightly, banishing this train of thought from her mind vehemently. The girl she had come to care about had possessed such a gentle spirit that it was no wonder she had not gotten used to the brutality of death. Could this be a sign of her old self shining through the façade facilitated by Nia?

Guarded by Gustus and Ryder, Lexa was able to keep a part of her focus on Marie. It was obvious the girl was lost in her thoughts and she would surely be of no use, should they run into another group of rebels.

The commander internally noted to gather a few troops and drive the rebels back out of the land of the coalition. Giving them too much space and opportunity to raid villages would only strengthen them. The rebels must have started to truly band together if they even chose to identify themselves wearing the same warpaint.

Marie could not shake the confusion from her mind. She could remember now, how she had reacted to the Mountain Man's blood drying on her hands and she internally wondered why she had made such a fuss. It had only been blood after all. She felt the blood of the rebel drying on her hands now as well, but she paid it no mind. It was not her own blood after all.

The question she had asked herself earlier, kept on repeating itself in her mind loudly. Why had the commander pushed her to safety first? She knew that the woman cared for her, too many people had told her so for it to be a lie. But still, she was only the commander's second and would it not be her duty to die for the commander then?

Marie nearly faltered in her step, when she suddenly remembered the almost whispered exchange she had had with Lexa. Asking almost the very same question. She could now clearly see the commander's green eyes staring back at her empathically, before the woman had crouched down in front of her and she had flung herself into her arms. She could almost feel the commander's arms around herself again.

Lexa looked at the girl with a worried frown, her hands hovered slightly in front of the girl. Marie seemed to be so lost in her thought, that she had nearly fallen over a log, obviously not focused on where she was going any longer.

Marie shook her head slightly, trying to clear her mind at least somewhat and she felt a blush creep up her neck, when she noticed the commander's obvious worry at her behaviour.

Marie bit her lips, trying to mask her emotions again. The more of her memories she regained, the harder this seemed to become. Contrasting memories and emotions were being at a constant battle within her thoughts and left her feeling confused and almost drained. Why could she not just remember everything again?

Fortunately, they did not encounter any more rebels on their way back to their horses. Marie mounted her own horse in silence, waiting for the commander to signal their departure. Another memory flashed up in her mind, but it was hazy around the edges. She remembered being hoisted in front of the commander onto her horse. The woman had pulled her closer to herself and kept her upwards. She wondered why she had shared a mount with the commander at all? But her mind remained frustratingly empty.

The ride back to Polis was uneventful and rather quick. Lexa had set a fast pace for them and it seemed as if Marie managed to hold up with them well enough.

Marie internally wondered what Ontari and Anya might have done in her absence. Thinking about Ontari being Anya's second now as well, pulled forth contrasting emotions in her mind. She was glad that the nightblood now shared quarters with her and the general as she truly felt most comfortable in the dark-haired girl's company. But the fact that Anya would now also care for Ontari in a way made a slight flash of anger and even envy course through her veins. A part of her knew that these feeling were petty and unwarranted, but she still could not stop them completely.

Marie was pulled out of her thoughts when they arrived back in Polis, the stables seemed to be in uproar. She tilted her head slightly in confusion, wondering what might have happened.

She watched Lexa dismount her mare in one graceful fluid motion and hand over the reigns to a second working at the stables. The stables master appeared quickly and rapidly explained that one of the commander's mares was foaling, but their seemed to be problems and the mare did not allow anyone into her box.

Marie was startled slightly when Gustus suddenly appeared in front of her and offered a hand to her to dismount as well. She blushed a little, she had simply been too caught up in her own head to think about dismounting. She mutely regarded his offered hand for long silent moments, before she finally took it.

It was obvious the commander was worried for her mare. Lexa was still slightly exasperated that Skairasha was carrying a foal at all. A stallion and her own mare had broken the fences to their boxes to be together. If the stablemen had been more attentive they would have been able to prevent the whole situation.

Lexa followed the stables master inside and Marie tentatively trailed behind as well. She did not know how many horses the commander possessed personally and she somehow hoped it was not one of those she now remembered.

Lexa was arguing with the stables master, a seasoned warrior in his own right, about going into the box herself and had not paid any mind to Marie.

The girl peered around the two adults and she frowned, when she recognized the white mare. She distinctly heard how the stables master reported that the mare seemed to have gone into labour hours ago and that they were fearing to lose both of them soon.

There seemed to be an immense amount of blood splattered into the straw in the white mare's box and the mare trampled around agitatedly.

Marie absently wondered why she had not realized how huge the mare seemed to have gotten, she remembered that the white horse had previously looked rather athletic, but the roundness of her body seemed unable to overlook now.

Instinctively, Marie slipped through a crack in the fence into the box of the white mare. The horse immediately stopped her trampling and her dark eyes seemed to be filled with panic.

Lexa felt her heart drop into her stomach, when she noticed Marie slipping through the fence. The stables master had been convinced that Skairasha could not be approached any longer, obviously one of the more experienced grooms had already been severely injured a few hours prior. Her eyes widened in rapt surprise when her mare seemed to react instantly to Marie.

Marie carefully stretched out her hands, soothingly touching the horses muzzle. From the corner of her eyes she could see that the fence was pulled open completely behind her. But she returned her whole focus to the mount when the horse neighed, butting up her head and ears flicking around. "Ssshh…" Marie tried to sooth the animal and her grey eyes stayed locked with the horse's dark ones.

Lexa followed the stables man into the box carefully, she could see Gustus hover at the edge of the box uncertainly.

When the stables master walked around the mare cautiously, keeping his eyes flicking to the mare, trying to look out if she prepared to kick out again, Marie obviously tried to keep the mare's attention on herself and surprisingly seemed to succeed quiet well.

"The foal's hindlegs are pushing out first…" the stables master returned to Lexa's side, worry creasing his brows. Foals in this position were rarely born alive and the birth had been going on too long already, he doubted the foal was even alive anymore. But if they did not get it out soon, the mare would perish in addition.

Lexa had stepped up behind Marie, a slight smile on her lips and her voice was grateful "You are doing great" the commander commented.

Marie looked slightly startled for a moment, but her hands kept on caressing the mare's head gently "She is in pain" she commented, grey eyes empathetic and almost screaming at Lexa to do something and help the horse.

"We will need to pull the foal out. The contractions are decreasing already" the stables man said to Lexa.

Lexa nodded mutely. She cautiously took a step closer to her mare, letting her hand glide over her strong neck, she turned to the stables master slightly "Safe her" she commanded and the warrior sprang into action quickly.

Skairasha let herself be handled by the stablemen more willingly, now that she was soothed by Marie and the commander. Lexa was surprised again by the fact of just how instinctively Marie seemed to have reacted to the animal. How could a child who had never come into contact with animals connect so effortlessly with them?

Trikru believed that horses were an excellent judge of character. You could force a horse into submission, but you would never have your mounts full loyalty. Marie's easy way of dealing with her warhorses had prompted Lexa in the beginning to not only see the weak Skygirl, but to recognize her for what she truly was. The child must have been gifted with a strong and gentle spirit to be approved off by her horses like this.

Marie kept on whispering soothing words to the horse, seemingly ignoring Lexa's presence at the moment. But the girl smiled softly at the commander, once they heard the proclamation that the foal was out now.

Marie had understood what the foal's position must mean without the words being vocalized, so she kept the mare from looking back.

Lexa's brows creased in confusion at the girl's behaviour. "You can let go of her now" the commander addressed Marie, clapping her horse on her neck in an acknowledging manner. She was glad her mare had survived the birth.

Marie shook her head vehemently, her grey eyes surprisingly hard as she met the commander's gaze. "She does not have to see her dead foal" Marie snapped almost harshly.

Lexa was taken aback slightly by the girl's train of thought. She knew that foals with a complicated birth were almost never born alive, so she had not even entertained the thought of the foal surviving, it had simply been about saving her mare from death as well.

The commander took a step back from Marie and her horse and her green eyes widened in surprise. The stables master seemed to be frantically working on the foal. Contrary to expectations the foal began to move in the same moment.

The foal let out a weak neigh and Skairasha butted against Marie quite strongly, making the girl stumble back a step. Marie's face morphed from an expressionless mask, to almost pure joy when she noticed the quivering foal standing upright in the straw behind the white mare.

"It survived…" her voice was full of wonder as she watched the white mare gently nudge its foal, prompting the foal to fall down and the mare began to clean her foal.

The stables master and the commander shared Marie's wonder in silence, until the man said that it would be better to leave the horses be for now and give mother and foal time to acquaintance with each other without disturbances.

"It is beautiful…" Marie commented, voice still tinted with wonder, when Lexa finally ushered her out of the box with a gentle hand on the girl's shoulders.

Although the mare's coat was purely white, the foal had dark grey bits of fur as well. It almost looked as if the foal was wearing grey soaks and a grey mask.

Lexa inclined her head in silent agreement. Following her instincts, the commander proclaimed "You will be training the foal personally in the future".

Marie blinked at the commander in apparent confusion and her brows knitted together.

A small smile ghosted over the corners of Lexa's lips as she said "The foal will be yours"

"Really?!" Marie almost squealed shrilly, eyes shining and a surprised smile enlightening her features.

Lexa nodded mutely. Marie would need a mount of her own in the future and it seemed fitting to gift her with the horse which only lived because of her. Anya would surely tease her about it later though.

"Can I visit them later?" Marie questioned eagerly almost as soon as they had stepped outside of the stables again.

Lexa raised a brow in amusement at the girl's enthusiasm, being reminded strongly of how the child had usually behaved previously.

"Anya already gave you permission to visit the stables, if you tell someone beforehand" Lexa commented nonchalantly, but her green eyes were soft.

Marie nodded cautiously, obviously surprised by the fact that the commander already knew of that. Internally Marie chided herself, of course the general would have discussed such a decision with the commander beforehand. But did that also mean Anya would tell Lexa everything she had or would tell the general? Marie honestly did not know and the question unsettled her.

Lexa watched the emotions flashing over Marie's features with a slight frown, before the girl's face was almost completely blank once again. She sighed under her breath mutely, the girl had been so easy to read months ago, that it was disconcerting to deal with her now. She felt like every little step which seemed to have been progress, was destroyed by three steps back now.

She had hoped to connect a little stronger with the girl on this outing, but it had not worked out as well, as Lexa had secretly hoped. She wondered what had prompted the girl to trust her truly in the first place and the realization almost knocked the breath out of her, as she remembered the way the first few days sharing her tent with the girl had been. Marie had not connected with her effortlessly in the past and had only truly started to get closer to her in Anya's absence. Lexa marvelled the question if Marie even would find a new connection to her now. Marie had Anya now and as it seemed Ontari as well, maybe that would already prevent the child from wanting to connect with her again. Nothing was forcing her to do so now after all and the realization felt like a blow to the stomach.

Lexa left Marie in front of the general's quarters without another word and Marie watched the commander retreat with confusion written over her features. Had she done something to offend the woman? Although she did not feel entirely comfortable in the commander's presence she thought that their outing had gone over well, minus the encounter with the rebels, she had even gotten back some more memories.

Chapter 173

Against the general's explicit proclamation that the woman was aware of Ontari's fighting skills, the general had forced Ontari to the training pits shortly after Marie had left with the commander and had let Ontari show of her skills in each and every thinkable weapon.

To Ontari's internal horror the general had quickly caught up with the fact that she may be very well versed in fighting with swords, staffs and without weapons, but her skills were lacking severely when it came to wide range weapons. Her accuracy with a bow and throwing knives were next to none existent.

Ontari had grumbled to the general that she surely would not need to master all kinds of weapons, that it would definitely be enough to strike down her opponents with her swords.

Anya would have none of that of course, she had simply stared the nightblood girl down. "And what pray tell will you do when the situation makes it impossible to use a sword?" the general had questioned challengingly.

Ontari ground her teeth together in silent annoyance. It was obvious quickly that the general's training seemed to consist mostly of snidely comments and barbs and Ontari had never been good at ignoring insults and being taunted. She internally wondered what Marie might find lovable in the harsh Trikru general, but she knew it would be unfair of her to judge Anya based on what she had been faced with so far, she had seen how gentle the woman could be with Marie after all. "I will just snap the other's neck then" she answered easily with a glower.

Anya raised an eyebrow mockingly, completely unfazed by the nightbloods obviously rising amount of anger "You are aware that not every fight can be fought in close proximity?" she drawled.

Ontari ground her teeth together harder, biting her tongue to reign in the reprimand on the tip of tongue.

"You risk severe injury if you rely on directly facing your opponent" Anya continued in a bored tone, but obviously taking some pity in the clearly railed up girl "You will need to be prepared for each and every possible scenario, so you will master each and every weapon" she proclaimed in a biting tone.

Ontari had to force herself to swallow down the groan wanting to bubble from her throat and she merely inclined her head in silent acknowledgment. She knew already that changing the general's mind would be impossible, at least for her. She minutely wondered if Marie might be able to at least make the general cut down a bit of her obviously immense expectations. She shook the thought from her mind as quickly as it had formed though, she should feel grateful that the commander seemed to consider her a real candidate to become her successor one day, otherwise she could not explain to herself why the general might have contemplated taking her as her second in the first place.

"I doubt the commander can…" she grumbled under her breath moodily, Ontari had been sure her words had been too low for the general to catch, but it seemed she had been wrong in her assumption.

Quicker than Ontari thought possible, the general had suddenly disarmed her and forced her to her knees with a rather harsh blow to the back of her knees.

The glare on the general's face had a murderous quality to it and her voice was nothing more than a harsh growl "Oh, you can be absolutely sure that Lexa has mastered all of them. Don't think even for a second that I will accept anything less from you".

Ontari gulped visibly and nodded her head, feeling the tip of the general's sword press against her throat in silent warning. She was aware that she had overstepped a line with her comment.

"We will need to add poise and calmness to the skills you will need to perfect" Anya drawled as she slowly withdrew her swords and offered her hand to the nightblood to hoist her up from the ground.

Ontari's lips thinned at the added barb but she wisely kept her mouth shut this time. She wondered if Marie would need to meet the same standards tentatively and was surprised at the civility of the general's answer.

"Marie is not trained as a nightblood novitiate, nor has she ever held any weapons for her first nine summers" Anya answered meaningfully and motioned the nightblood back towards the tower.

Ontari nodded in understanding, she knew it would be impossible to compare her with Marie and vice versa, neither would it be fair. Ontari followed the general in silence back to their now shared quarters. She was startled strongly when the general demanded her to disrobe before taking a bath. Marie had told her previously that the general had inspected every single wound personally after a training session, but Ontari had not expected that the general would extend the same courtesy to her. She found the attention quite exaggerated but at the same time Ontari felt distinctly touched by the gesture. She could not remember being on the receiving of caring hands, if not for the occasional visit of a healer ordered by Nia, if she had been unable to stand up or continue fighting.

Ontari's surprise increased when the general insisted to call for a healer for an ointment to put on the area she had hit forcefully to bring the girl to her knees. Dark bruises were already forming visibly under the nightbloods skin, Ontari tried to discourage the general, telling the woman that the bruises would fade without assistance. But the glare she received in reaction to her objection, efficiently shut Ontari up again.

Ontari sat in the warm water of the bath, feeling her body relax in effect to the strongly smelling herbs which floated around in the water, but her thoughts were in turmoil. She had not been sure on what to expect from the general from now on, but she had surely not expected this mixture of strict demands and contradicting displays of, if she dared name it, "care". She would be a fool to even contemplate the idea of the Trikru woman to care for her, for anything more than her usefulness of aiding Marie and she would need to remember that, no matter how tempting it might feel at the moment to have trust in the general. She knew better than to anticipate that anyone beside probably Marie to ever care for her, she had learnt that fact a long time ago.

Her thoughts turned to Marie and Ontari pondered how the blonde girl might be doing and when she would return. They had not packed any supplies or exchange of clothing, so it was probable that Marie would return before dusk with the commander.

As if summoned by her thoughts, Ontari heard the main door to the general's quarters being opened and Marie barged in loudly. The younger girl's voice was expressive in its wonder.

"Lexa gifted me with a horse" Marie proclaimed immediately into the room, not even looking first if Anya and Ontari were present or not, she was simply feeling too exited and needed to share the news.

Anya raised a brow inquiringly as she retorted drily "Did she now?". The general's eyes had still been focused on the maps in her hands. She internally shook her head at Lexa's obvious favouritism of their charge, she would need to have a word with Lexa again about spoiling the girl rotten. Abby had been quite insistent on the fact that they should not change their treatment of Marie and that the girl would require them to be strict with her. Handing out gifts to the girl, which were still beyond her position, did not seem like the right way to go to the general.

"Yeah" Marie agreed instantly, completely ignorant of the sarcasm deeply dripping from the general's tone. "Skairasha foaled…" the girl reported in a chirpy tone and Anya finally looked up, a slight smile forming on her lips at finally hearing the girl being honestly enthusiastic about something again.

The general's smile froze instantly as she took in her charge's condition. Dried blood was spattered all over the girl's front and her brown eyes scanned the girl almost frantically to determine if any of the blood was her own.

"…the stable master said Skairasha would not let anyone near her. But I just went in…" Marie kept on narrating eagerly, eyes still shining.

Anya's eyes narrowed dangerously at yet another reference of the girl's seemingly inaptitude to recognize a potentially lethal situation.

Marie must have interpreted Anya's continued silence and the general standing up to meet her differently and kept on blabbering unfazed "…they could get the foal out, because Skairasha let them inside her box then. Lexa said I will train the foal in the future…"

The girl's words only stopped when Anya stood directly in front of her and the girl tilted her head slightly in obvious confusion, her own enthusiasm dimming drastically.

"We will see about that" Anya retorted through clenched teeth, as she crouched down in front of the girl. She ignored her charge's pronounced flinch as she pulled the girl closer to herself, inspecting her cautiously for any wounds.

"What the hell happened to you?" Anya asked in a seething tone. She doubted that much blood could come from attending the birth of a foal.

Realization seemed to dawn on Marie's face and she shook of the general's hand and took a step back from the woman, with a slight frown "I am not hurt. We ran into a group of rebels" she claimed airily.

Anya's brows nearly vanished into her hairline in silent reaction, she tried to control her facial expression more tightly, when she noticed Marie looking almost afraid of her.

"Stay here" Anya brought out through clenched teeth "Ontari is in the bathroom". Without another word the general stood up and strode from her quarters, the door falling shut behind her forcefully.

Anya barged into the commander's quarters without waiting for even a moment, anger coursing through her veins. How the hell had Lexa managed to lead their charge into a skirmish with a group of rebels?

Her anger dwindled abruptly, when she took in the carelessly discarded weapons on the floor next to the door, together with dirtied boots and bloodied clothing. Worry bubbled up in her mind, had Lexa been injured?

The door to the balcony stood wide open, wind blowing the curtains inside and Anya spotted the commander's form against the impending dusk. The younger woman's shoulders seemed hunched and even without seeing her face, Anya knew Lexa was deeply upset about something.

Anya hesitated within the opened door for a moment and Lexa must have felt eyes watching her. The vulnerability within her previous second's green eyes so clearly visibly twisted something within Anya almost painfully and her anger vanished completely. The general stepped outside onto the balcony and joined the commander mutely, her brows creased slightly in internal worry.

Lexa was standing on the balcony only clad in her underwear and chest wrap. At least Anya could quickly let her eyes scan over the commander's body and fortunately did not encounter any bleeding wounds.

"What is troubling you like that, yongon?" Anya asked, surprising both of them slightly by using Lexa's older nick name. She rarely had made usage of it after Lexa had taken the mantle of the commander.

Lexa sighed deeply, shoulders sagging more pronouncedly and an encompassing sadness seemed to linger within the depth of her green eyes. "I have just realized something…" was Lexa's only answer.

Anya's brows furrowed "I fear I need you to elaborate there" she prompted, when Lexa remained silent for a few minutes and only looked out over the city with what Anya would interpret as melancholia written over her features, the general added "It can't have anything to do with our charge. The girl was all chirpy smiles and blabbering about the foal you gifted her with".

A slight smile tilted the commander's lips upwards for the fraction of a second, before her features sobered completely, her voice was heavy when she finally answered. "Marie is surely your charge now".

Anya's frown deepened "She has been before, just as she is yours…I do not understand, Lexa".

Lexa turned her back to the city beneath them, leaning against the railing of her balcony as she stared back at her previous mentor. Her tone was tinted with bitterness as she elaborated "Marie solely connected with me in the first place because the girl believed you dead and simply had no one else…"

Anya let out a snort as reaction, shaking her head disbelievingly at the seeming absurdity of the idea which already apparently had taken root within the commander's mind. "So, you think she will not re-connect with you now?" she checked, voice coloured with doubt strongly.

"Why should she?" Lexa shot back, voice almost angry now.

Anya pinched the bridge of her nose in silent annoyance, it was hard for her to wrap her mind about the fact that Lexa clearly believed in her own assumption. "You know very well that the girl loves you in your own right" the general reasoned exasperated. She mentally shook her head, how often had she felt slightly envious of Marie choosing the comfort of Lexa's arms instead of her own, when she had reprimanded the girl for something.

"That might have been the case, but she does not remember" Lexa retorted, exhaustion suddenly clear on her features. She was tired of waiting for Marie to remember, hoping after every slight smile of the child that their charge finally remembered and feeling that hope being crushed over and over again, when Marie's expression closed off again or the child flinched away from her hands.

Anya sighed "But she will. She is regaining memories daily. She remembered that there was a connection to you already, Marie simply does not understand its depths yet." She had heard Marie telling Ontari that more and more memories were coming back to her mind, but that she was having trouble understanding them and the turmoil of feelings associated with them seemed to overwhelm the child's mind.

Lexa slightly shook her head and opened her mouth to say something, but seemed to think better of it. They stood in silence for a moment, before the commander admitted, voice barely above a whisper "I miss her…"

Anya's brown eyes reflected the sadness portrayed in the commander's statement and she nodded in agreement "Don't you think I feel the same?" she questioned. Although they had rarely been this open with each other's feelings, the general was aware that they needed to share the burden now.

Lexa huffed under her breath and doubt was clear on her features "She seems much closer to you already" she commented voice judging.

Anya's lips thinned slightly "I have spent more time with her already. You need to give her time and patience. What happened to "It takes as long as it takes"?"

Lexa snorted at having her own words thrown back into her face, but she took a deep breath and nodded. She was not sure why the situation was riling her up so strongly, rationally nothing had happened during their outing which would justify her extreme reaction.

"Stop overthinking every second, Lexa" Anya chided the commander in a gentle tone, feeling herself thrown back several years into the past.

The flash of recognition passing through the commander's green eyes showed clearly that Lexa felt the same déjà vu and the tension between them dissipated.

"But, gifting her with a foal, really?" Anya asked with a teasing glint to her brown eyes.

Lexa huffed, crossing her arms over her chest in an uncharacteristic gesture. She had known already that her previous mentor would tease her about her impulsive decision. "She will need her own horse one day" she reasoned lamely, although she knew the argument was lacking, it would be years before the foal was old enough to be ridden.

"Of course," Anya inclined her head in mock understanding "and gifting a breed from the commander's stables is such a normal occurrence" she added.

Lexa's lips thinned visibly and she bit her lips, not wanting to rise to the obvious barb of her previous mentor. "How did it go with Ontari?" she asked, changing the topic nonchalantly.

Anya slightly shook her head at the obvious distraction, but she answered lightly "As well as it could have. She does not trust me, that much is obvious. But I would not expect her to".

Lexa looked at her mentor questioningly waiting for the general to elaborate. She had agreed to Ontari moving in with the general on the condition that the woman would mentor the Ice Nation nightblood, but Anya had already entertained the idea on her own.

"She is distant and cautious. She seems to think it might be some elaborate trap to get rid of her" Anya voiced her assumption; the girl had not told her that of course.

Lexa nodded in silent understanding and she had not expected differently. Ontari seemed to only be truly trusting of Marie, she was under no illusion to think that the Ice Nation nightblood held any regard for herself.

"She will need to be trained in wide rage fighting, her skills are surprisingly lacking there" Anya continued.

"With other words, she is decent enough to protect herself, but not to your standards" Lexa put in, fond amusement evident on her features. She still remembered how the general had nearly driven her insane with her nearly impossible to meet expectations.

Anya narrowed her eyes at her former second and her lips thinned.

Lexa held up her hands in a soothing gesture, her lips curling into a smile and she was obviously fighting laughter wanting to bubble from her throat.

Anya shook her head in silent disbelief at the commander's antics and turned from the balcony.

Lexa followed the general inside, her features sobered again "I had not anticipated to meet rebels" the commander said.

Anya nodded her head; her anger had already died down and she knew it would not be fair to place blame with Lexa for the possibility of such an encounter.

The door opening again and Clarke stepping inside was the sign for Anya to leave the commander's quarters for the night, the general inclined her head to the blonde healer in silent acknowledgment.

Marie had watched the general leave blinking her eyes in confusion, not understanding why the woman had stormed away so suddenly and quite obviously angry.

She stepped inside the bathroom without knocking.

Ontari whirled around to the girl a reprimand on the tip of her tongue, but it died on her tongue when she took in Marie's appearance, at least she understood the general's reaction now. She had stepped out of the bath once she had recognized Marie's exited voice and she slung the towel firmly around her body, ushering the girl to the bath.

"The water is still warm enough" she said, nudging the younger girl forward.

"What?!" Marie retorted confusion turning into slight anger "I can't look that bad!"

Ontari's lips thinned at the girl's outburst "There is no need for you to shout. You are splattered in blood".

Marie's anger seemed to diminish immediately at the slight chastisement and she looked at herself in the mirror standing in the corner of her bathroom. A frown settled on her face, she had not realized she had been bloodied this badly.

"Just clean yourself up" Ontari directing, nudging the girl to the bathroom gently. To her slight surprise Marie started disrobing in her company without hesitation.

The girl's grey eyes showed that something was troubling her and Marie started to tell Ontari in a tentative tone what she had remembered during the encounter with the rebels.

It was obvious the girl had trouble wrapping her mind about the fact that she had felt the need in the past to defend the general with her own life and had instinctively done the same for the commander.

"So, I truly care deeply for both of them?" Marie mused, sitting in the bath now, while Ontari had sat down on a chair and was listening to the younger girl's narration.

Ontari nodded in agreement immediately. It did not fail her notice that Marie still evaded the usage of the word "love" although it had seemed natural to the younger girl before. "You love them" Ontari assured Marie with a slight smile and once she saw doubt rising on the younger girl's face, she added honestly "You told me so yourself".

Marie's fingers suddenly tightened around the bathing tube forcefully and her voice was tinted strongly with frustration with herself "I want to remember…"

"You will" Ontari tried to reassure the younger girl and gently loosened her iron grip on the bathing tube. She did not know if the edges would be sharp and she did not wish for her to injure herself.

Chapter 174

Anya stopped in her tracks when she returned to her quarters. The door the bathroom was not closed and the girls' voices carried the slight distance easily. The insight just how hard it was for Marie to understand that she truly had loved her and Lexa, felt like a dagger being twisted within her heart. She wished with her whole being that Marie would truly soon remember everything again. She could fathom easily enough why Lexa was having such problems reconciling this version of Marie with the sweet child they had both fallen in love with.

But she also knew that Marie kept herself even more guarded in the commander's presence than she did with her. She had overheard enough conversation between Ontari and Marie to know just how much the girl's view of the commander had already changed, but what the queen had instilled in the child's mind would not be simply whipped away. Anya dearly hoped that Marie regaining her complete remembrance would make her disregard Nia's words completely.

She closed the door behind herself with an audible click, loud enough for the girls to realize she had returned. She stepped over into the bathroom and smiled slightly when she realized that Marie was now taking a bath.

Ontari seemed obviously uncomfortable by her company and gripped the towel more tightly around her body, but Anya paid her no mind. The general was convinced that the nightblood would get used to her over time soon enough.

Marie looked unsure for a moment and her voice was small when she asked "Are you angry with me?"

Anya took a deep breath, remembering all those times clearly the girl had already asked her the very same question before losing her memory and the question seemed so out of character for the hardened girl now, that she simply shook her head in the negative with an honest expression on her features.

Marie nodded, but her slight frown seemed to deepen further and her voice sounded whiny "When will I remember everything?"

Anya felt as if shrugging as an answer was the only thing she could come up with, but caught herself before she could do so. She was still trying to knock this habit out of Marie, showing it herself now, would make her efforts null surely. "I honestly do not know, Marie" she retorted, trying hard to keep a straight face. It was obvious the girl was stressing herself about the question enough, without her adding to it.

When Marie pouted and angry tears seemed to glisten within her eyes, Anya stepped closer to the bathing tube and crouched down in front of it, bringing herself onto Marie's level and gazing into her troubled eyes determinedly. Her voice was strong as she said "Do not stress yourself like that, Marie. Abby said it would not help and only slow your mind. You need to give your mind time to remember. Let the memories come back to you naturally".

Marie huffed, a doubtful look on her features. In her mind there was nothing natural about the whole situation, so the advice seemed rather useless. She wished there would be something she could do, which would just bring back her memories.

"You already remember a lot now, considering the short time you have been back in Polis" Anya tried to reassure the child.

Marie nodded although the reluctance was clear on her features.

"Get out of the water soon" Anya ordered, as she had tested the temperature with her fingers. The water would be too cold soon and dinner would be served as well, she did not wish the girl to catch a cold on top of all of it. With that she left the two girls alone in the bathroom again.

She could still hear the girls conversing with each other though.

"What have you done today?" Marie asked Ontari as soon as the general was out of sight. She knew that Abby had said she should not dwell on her missing memories, so she tried to divert her attention from them and she was genuinely curious as well.

"Training" Ontari answered in a clipped tone.

Marie frowned at the older girl, head slightly tilted to the side in confusion.

Ontari sighed when she spotted the girl's reaction "I have been training the complete day with the general" she elaborated.

Marie's frown deepened slightly, she had expected the nightblood to have trained with Anya, so the elaboration was not helpful at all. She would have probably preferred to train with Anya in Ontari's stead.

"Don't you like Anya?" Marie asked inquiringly wondering where Ontari's mood swing had come from.

The honest naivety in the younger girl's question startled Ontari quite strongly and her brows knitted together in contemplation. It would not have even crossed her mind to ponder such a question. She judged that Marie must have regained a rather huge part of her connection to Anya to ask something like that, she doubted the girl would have asked something similar while still within Nia's company.

Ontari contemplated for long moments on how to answer the younger girl's question.

Marie obviously was not expecting an answer any longer and climbed out of the bathing tube with a frown on her face, confused why Ontari was not answering her question.

Ontari had taken the time to come up with an answer to dress herself. "The general is supposed to be my mentor, I do not have to "like" her, Marie" her confusion of the idea of doing so clear in her tone.

Marie scrutinized the older girl in silent question. She did not understand why the nightblood would not wish to develop a bond to the general, now that she was her first as well. Another memory flashed up in her mind and she gasped under her breath, closing her eyes against the onslaught of impressions.

Ontari watched the younger girl's reaction with worry and she stepped slightly closer to Marie, worried that Marie might be losing consciousness or something.

Marie did not meet her eyes, when she opened them again a few tense moments later. The girl tilted her head to the side slightly as she said "Anya has told me that the bond between a first and second is considered familial". To her the reasoning was sound proof after all. She stopped in her thought and blinked in confusion, once she caught up with her thoughts and more memories linked to the memory of Anya and Lexa explaining to her that she could braid their hair because of the bond they shared came back to her. She remembered discussing with Anya that she loved the general and the commander. She remembered the confusion of seemingly not being allowed to give voice to her feelings. But the true feeling of love still somehow evaded her mind. Marie was sure she would not have said that she loved them, if she had not felt it. The frustration within herself mounted again, why could the memories not simply come back?

Ontari's answer pulled the girl from her thoughts once again "I guess, we will have to form a bond first for that" her answer sounded reluctant and laden heavily with doubt that something like that ever would ever come to pass.

On the other side of the door Anya wondered internally what specifically Marie was remembering. They had spoken about the nature of their bond several times and it was hard for her to pinpoint the exact moment. She felt slight compassion for the Ice Nation nightblood grow within her mind, it was obvious just how distrustful the girl was of the world around her. While Marie had severely lacked distrust previously and had been trusting of everyone almost instantly, Ontari seemed to be the complete opposite. Anya was grateful the nightblood had not succeeded in her plans to assassinate Lexa and her novitiates, without a change of mind Ontari would have made a terrible commander. She was still unsure if the girl could ever be a good successor to Lexa's destiny, but it was hard to predict how she would develop.

A handmaid arrived a few moments later, bringing in dinner for all of them and Anya dismissed her quickly again. Risha had been on the heels of the woman, obviously having been in the kitchens to be fed and the wolf immediately searched the quarters for her human.

Marie smiled brightly at the wolf, when Risha nosed open the door to the bathroom and wagged her tail at the girl.

Ontari looked doubtfully at the wolf, keeping an obvious distance to the animal.

Anya watched the Ice Nation nightblood's reaction with a hidden smirk, it was painfully obvious that Ontari was afraid of Risha, but too proud to say so.

Marie had kneeled down in front of Risha and the wolf enthusiastically licked all over face in greeting.

The expression of disgust blooming on Ontari's face openly was shared by the general and the woman loudly cleared her throat, ordering the girls to come out and eat dinner.

"She has gotten so big" Marie remarked in, voice slightly confused again. She still could mostly only remember Risha as a tiny cub and the growth of her wolf just emphasised how much time was missing from her memory. The fact that she was not even pondering what she was missing of her life before falling to earth, beside wondering about her parents, did not went unnoticed by Anya. Marie had apparently asked Abby after her parents and the girl's attention had left the parents she could not remember, when she was told that they had both died long before the Ark had fallen to the ground.

"She will not grow much more" Anya agreed. In the girl's absence the wolf had grown out of being a cub, she had been gone for months after all.

When Marie slid into her seat and almost immediately started feeding scraps to Risha, Anya's lips thinned visibly, while Ontari did mostly look disgusted at the fact that Marie would feed something to the wolf with the same hand she would then eat something herself.

"Marie!" Anya almost growled at the girl in warning. In the absence of their charge Lexa had taken over the primary care of Risha and the wolf had developed well and was well enough behaved now, she would definitely not sit back and let Marie spoil all of the commander's efforts.

Marie looked up startled for a moment, until Risha suddenly nudged her thigh with one of her paws and laid her muzzle onto her thigh, obviously waiting to be fed more. A slight blush creeped up her cheeks, when she remembered Anya chiding her for exactly that behaviour before and she had already remembered previously that the general had been against letting her keep the wolf in the first place. "Sorry" she mumbled and continued eating in silence, now without giving anything to Risha.

Anya shook her head, sighing under her breath at the girl's antics and lightly glared at the wolf, looking at her innocently, as if the creature knew it had been the subject of her chastisement.

Ontari watched the exchange with a frown, absolutely sure that she was missing something. How could Marie know what the general wanted without any explanation?

When the wolf turned her eyes to Ontari and came closer to the nightblood, sniffing at the stranger, Ontari visibly stiffened in her chair, fighting the urge to jump up and bring some more distance between her and the wolf's teeth. She had had a few encounters with wolves before and she remembered that they were not particular friendly creatures. Why anyone would even try to attempt and keep one as a pet, completely evaded every sense of rationality in her mind.

Marie frowned the older girl's reaction in confusion, she knew without the sliver of a doubt that Risha would not hurt anyone, so she did not understand why Ontari appeared so unnerved by Risha's proximity.

"She won't bite you" Marie took a guess at the origin at the other girl's obvious uneasiness.

Ontari glowered at the younger girl in reaction and snapped "You don't know that" nearly falling from her chair now, trying in vain to get away from the wolf, who seemed insistent in its approach.

Anya had to try hard to suppress a smirk from forming in her features at the nightblood's antics, she would have never guessed that the girl would show to a fear so openly.

The girl's weird reaction seemed to only increase Risha's interest though and when the wolf was finally in touching distance and sniffed at Ontari's leg, the girl suddenly jumped from her chair with an indignant almost squeal "Call it back!" she demanded loudly into Marie's direction and her voice had a pleading quality when she looked at the wolf "Don't bite me…."

Now, Anya was powerless to stop the bark of laughter escaping her lips. Ontari glared strongly at the general in reaction, while Marie seemed even more confused.

When the younger girl motioned to Risha, the wolf immediately trotted over to her and plopped down beside the girl obediently. Marie let her fingers run through the wolf's fur a few times soothingly. Risha's ice blue eyes were focused on the nightblood and if possible, the wolf seemed confused as well.

Ontari sat back down, a crimson blush on her cheeks in obvious shame, still glaring at the general lightly for laughing at her. The girl had her arms crossed firmly over her chest.

Anya snorted under her breath. With all the attitude Ontari usually carried herself with, she had never expected to ever bear witness to such a childish display from the nightblood. "You have met wolves before?" the general enquired with the nightblood girl.

Ontari nodded with a sullen expression and her tone was biting "Vicious creatures…" she commented, turning her glare to Risha now.

"This one is definitely not one of those" Anya assured the girl strongly. She would not advise anyone on trying to hurt Marie or Lexa, Risha had already shown that she was protective of the commander during Marie's absence and it was only logical to assume Risha would act the same with Marie.

Ontari looked dubious at best and she grumbled "They are bloodthirsty monsters…"

Marie huffed, obviously insulted on Risha's behalf. "Did you meet every single wolf out there?" the girl asked in a challenging tone.

Ontari narrowed her eyes at the younger girl, already guessing where her logic was going "Well, no, but…"

Marie interrupted her before she could finish her argument "See, Risha is a nice one. You were also convinced all Trikru were evil."

Ontari seemed to glower at the girl in exasperation, clearly uncomfortable that Anya was in the room now and had heard that. But her retort had died on her tongue and she grumblingly turned her attention back to her own dinner.

Marie watched the nightblood for a few more moments before Anya nudged her to resume eating as well.

Anya continued watching both of the girls during the rest of their silent dinner. Marie seemed to quickly loose interest in waiting for Ontari to say something else and focused on Risha instead, although she did not feed the wolf anything anymore, the wolf obviously still enjoyed being petted by her greatly. Ontari was meanwhile glowering moodily into the rest of her food.

Anya sighed under her breath. She would have liked it better to have a serious conversation with the nightblood on their own, but if she truly wished to train both girls alongside each other, they would all need to get used to the idea of sharing every aspect of their lives with each other.

"It does not matter what you thought or might still think about Trikru" Anya addressed the nightblood girl in a calm tone.

Ontari's dark eyes snapped up from her plate and looked deeply startled by the general's assurance. She remained mute though and when Anya sighed under her breath, Ontari finally said, relatively low "I don't think that of all of Trikru any longer…"

The way the girl had formulated her answer, made it perfectly clear that she still did not hold Trikru in any kind of high regard, but Anya would not have expected that anyway.

The general in silent acknowledgment "No one expects you to forget your origin overnight, Ontari" she added after a moment.

Ontari seemed to contemplate her words for a few moments.

"Nia has poisoned your mind against every clan besides Azgeda just like Marie's mind, only for a far longer time" Anya remarked into the silence.

Ontari nodded with a thoughtful expression. Her opinions had changed a lot already since she first had set foot into Polis, but she still caught herself thinking within the ways the queen had instilled into her, it was hard to develop her own mind like that.

A handmaid coming to collect their dishes dissipated the tension within the room instantly. Ontari still looked contemplative, the general had given her enough to think about for one day.

Marie's mood plummeted drastically when Anya proclaimed that Risha would not be allowed to stay within her quarters as long as Ontari was obviously not comfortable in the wolf's presence.

Ontari was torn between assuring the general that she did not have a problem with the wolf staying, as long as it stayed within Marie's bed, and vocalizing a thanks to the general for considering her wellbeing like this at all. She felt slightly guilty when she noticed just how upset was when Anya brought the wolf over to the commander's quarters. But the relive outweighed that. Although unrealistic, who would have assured her that the wolf would not decide her to attack her during the night?

Marie sat on her bed, arms crossed over her chest, clearly sulking still, when Anya returned several moments later, while Ontari sat on her own bed, looking at the younger girl uncertainly. The nightblood had not known what to say to Marie to try to console her, so she had not said anything at all.

Ontari swallowed forcefully, she would try to make an effort with the wolf soon. Maybe if she got to know the animal slightly, she would be sure it would not attack her.

Chapter 175

Marie's mood seemed to sour even more when Anya proclaimed that it was time to go to bed now. Panic flashed through her grey eyes minutely, but the girl hid it quickly and forced a smile on her face.

"Can I visit Skairasha and her foal now?" Marie asked Anya quickly sounding eager again.

Anya furrowed her brow and shook her head in the negative "No, you can visit them tomorrow" she assured the girl.

"You said, I could go to the stables whenever I wanted, if I told you before" Marie talked back, accusation clear in her tone.

Anya's lips thinned at having her offer being thrown back in her face like that. "Certainly not when I just told you to go to sleep only mere moments before".

"But can't I….?" Marie began to ask again.

Anya interrupted her before she could finish her question "No, Marie!" she said, tone strict and unyielding "You will sleep now!"

"Can I…?" Marie started to ask something else now, seemingly unfazed by the general's mounting annoyance and waning patience.

"No!" Anya interrupted the girl sharply, her brown eyes angry now and when the girl made to open her mouth again, she threatened "Don't make me repeat myself a fourth time, Marie…"

Marie seemed to be immune to the general's tone now and her own features were twisted in anger now and the girl did not let herself be interrupted by the general now. "You are mean!" the girl almost shouted at the general, glaring at the woman.

Anya seemed to take a deep breath, trying to calm her mounting anger and her voice was forced through clenched teeth "That's it! You are going to bed, RIGHT NOW!" She knew that the girl was testing her limits, but she would not concede now.

Marie pursed her lips sulkily, but she turned around with a huff, when Anya only glared at her totally unfazed.

The general watched Marie slide under her furs with mixed feelings, she was barely holding on to her patience now. "You can still read something, Ontari" she addressed the Ice Nation nightblood in a clipped tone, her own mood soured for the time being.

Ontari looked deeply uncomfortable being witness to the argument and she immediately shook her head, opting not to anger the general even further for the better option, and got into her own bed in silence. She frowned slightly when she turned into Marie's direction and noticed the younger girl glaring forcefully at a point on the wall. She could not see the younger girl any longer, when the general went around the room and extinguished most of the candles, casting the room into almost complete darkness.

Marie waited until she hoped Anya would have fallen asleep, she had heard Ontari's breathing evening out a long time ago, and tiptoed into the bathroom carefully.

She had seen the general storing the vial with the sleeping aid in a drawer there. With a loudly hammering heart Marie searched the bathroom and fortunately found the vial where she had expected it to be. She shortly contemplated taking the whole thing, but Anya might miss its absence. Marie looked around the bathroom searching for a glass or a cup, but she could not find anything. There was the huge bowl filled with clean water for washing, but she could only gather some with her hands. Thinking for a moment, Marie decided to simply drop two drops of the liquid directly onto her tongue and drinking some water afterwards.

Counting two drops that way proved impossible and Marie had absolutely no clue on how much of the liquid she might have consumed, but she drank a little water afterwards to try to get rid of the bitter taste on her tongue.

She still felt her heart beating strongly, once she stored the vial back into the drawer cautiously and tiptoed back into the room, slipping beneath her furs. She knew, that she should have better asked Anya for some of the sleeping aid, but the general had seemed so angry that Marie had doubted she would have agreed to give her some. Sleepiness overtook her body quickly, once she had gotten back into bed and just like promised she slipped into a totally dreamless slumber.

In the morning Anya was surprised to find Marie asleep still and she had needed to shake the girl's shoulder a few times to rouse her. She worried slightly over the change, but she chalked it off to the girl simply having been completely exhausted, when Marie woke up with a soft smile and enthusiastically greeted her.

The day passed mostly with training. Lexa had been busy with organizing a unit to inquire about the rebels who seemed to form a camp too near to Polis to her liking.

Anya had designed an assault course for Marie and Ontari which the two girls could only complete if they truly worked with each other. Both of them had been taught by the royal guard to only rely on their own skills and working with someone and efficiently entrusting another person with their lives was a visible challenge for both of her charges. Marie seemed to do slightly better than Ontari, but it took them far longer to complete the course than Anya had anticipated.

Marie and Ontari were left to their own devices for the time left until dinner and the younger girl immediately insisted that they would visit the stables.

It was clear quickly to Ontari just how enamoured the younger girl was with the foal. She did not quite understand its appeal though. The foal was still unsteady on its legs and she knew that it would need to grow for several years before it could be taught to accept a rider on its back. She had to admit that the commander's warhorses were all rather impressing mounts and the foal would consequently grow to become one on its own right with time. Marie seemed to find the small animal "cute" or at the least the girl commented each and every slight movement of the foal that way.

Marie was unfazed by the lack of enthusiasm from Ontari's side though and the girl kept on chirping about the foal non-stop. In all honesty, the girl's enthusiasm was starting to grant on Ontari's nerves, but she tried to nod every now and then in acknowledgment, which seemed to placate Marie well enough.

Gustus had accompanied the two girls, not being on guard duty at the moment and it was refreshing for him to spot Marie's true personality shining through her cool demeanour now. As soon as the girls stepped out of the stables, Marie's face became blank again, but her grey eyes still shone visibly with pure joy.

In the evening Marie now officially asked Anya for some of the sleeping aid, not wanting to sneak around the general, she was sure the woman would be angry if she found out she had taken some without permission.

But to her silent horror the general denied her. Before her departure Abby had spoken with Marie once again and afterwards with Anya. The girl had told Abby how much she already remembered and she had claimed not to suffer from any nightmares at all. As soon as the conversation had turned even remotely into the direction of the Ice queen, Marie had closed off completely and not said another single word. So, Abby had adamantly told the general that giving the girl a sleeping aid to suppress her dreams, was not advisable. The child's mind needed the time in her dreams to work through the memories she was starting to regain.

Marie had at first tried sleeping without the tonic this night, but she had woken drenched in a cold sweat and had tiptoed into the bathroom without much hesitation and repeated the procedure from the previous night. She forgot what her nightmare had consisted off under the effects of the tonic and woke up rested and refreshed once again in the morning.

Anya was eternally relived to see that Marie seemed to be able to sleep without any aid and the nightmares had apparently let off already. She was slightly suspicious of the seemingly too easy change, but she hoped the girl had simply started to feel safe again.

The next day was filled with training again. In the afternoon both of the girl accompanied Lexa to a lesson with the other novitiates and Marie was re-introduced to the children officially. She had known a few of their names, before Lexa had spoken them and the children all seemed happy to hear that she made progress. She had been introduced to Titus and Rana, but no memories came back to her concerning the two adults.

Afraid of facing yet another nightmare, Marie waited impatiently for Anya to fall asleep before she sneaked into the bathroom again and took the tonic once more. She forcefully shoved the slight flash of guilt at efficiently lying to the general from her mind, relived to be able to sleep without disturbances.

The procedure repeated itself for several days in succession without either Ontari or Anya noticing anything aloof.

Anya's worry for her younger charge returned when it became increasingly difficult to rouse the girl in the morning and Marie's mood seemed sourer than ever. She was taken aback slightly by the girl snapping at her rudely before storming off into the bathroom without another word.

Marie was meanwhile not feeling well at all anymore, she had started to feel sick after taking the tonic for five days in a row. She had honestly tried to not take it for a night afterwards, but she had been so afraid that she had simply continued to take it. Now that it was ten days of taking the tonic without a stop, Marie was feeling miserable. Her body had started to revolt against food and two days ago it had seemed as if she started to hallucinate. She had been walking with Gustus from the stables back to the tower, the guard seemed to spend time there as much as she did, and suddenly it had seemed as if Nia suddenly stood in front of her. Marie had no idea how she had managed to convince the burly guard that nothing had happened and she was alright.

Marie gritted her teeth. She was more frustrated with herself than ever. No further memories had come to herself in the last days. The few times she and Ontari had been supposed to spend time within the commander's quarters and in Lexa's company had been tense at best. On a positive note, Risha had always been there, so that Marie had been able to keep her attention on the wolf. Ontari was still not comfortable in the wolf's company and Marie had stopped hoping that would change anytime soon. At the beginning Marie had even slightly enjoyed the time spend with Lexa, the woman had clearly made an effort. When Lexa started to read a story to both of them, Ontari had still seemed alienated by the concept, the shadow of a memory surfaced within Marie's mind, but as she had tried to concentrate on it, it vanished and slipped further away. Lexa had watched the girl from afar for the past days, it was obvious the girl loved the time she spent at the stables daily now, but it did not seem as if she made any progress to get closer to the child once again.

Lexa counted it as a huge progress when Marie seemed to finally be comfortable enough to sit down directly next to her and lean over to look into the book she held as well. The commander was startled strongly, when the girl suddenly jumped up and excused herself into the bathroom, only to return deathly pale and sitting down in front of the fire with Risha, staying entirely silent for the rest of their time together, no matter how gently or vehemently she tried to pry for what had upset the girl.

The day trudged on awfully slowly and Marie's concentration was slipping. She was caught of guard by seeing Nia appear in front of her eyes time and time again. Marie suffered from a rather deep gash on her arm during training, when she suddenly let her guard drop when Anya's face suddenly morphed into the queen's features. The general had angrily sent her to the healer, concerned by the girl's apparent lack of attention.

Marie managed to get through the day somehow and waited with a baited breath for the general to fall asleep again. When she was convinced the woman had drifted off, she shakily stood from her bed and sneaked into the bathroom.

Anya had become suspicious of the girl's behaviour and felt the changes in the girl weigh heavily within her mind. The girl had seemingly improved a lot over the span of only a few days and now she was only speaking in a clipped tone, being extremely jumpy and staring at nothing for prolonged times. The smiles she had watched grow on the girl's face, were absent once again and her grey eyes seemed dulled and haunted.

The general startled awake when she heard a sound coming from the bathroom. She furrowed her brow, when a quick glance to Marie's bed showed it to be empty. She stood from the bed to check with her charge if she was sick.

Marie jumped slightly when she heard Anya approach the bathroom, hurriedly she took some of the sleeping aid and shoved the vial back into the drawer and pretended to have just used the toilet. She had no idea how much of the tonic she had just taken, she had been in such a hurry to hide the vial again that she had been careless with it.

"Are you feeling well?" Anya asked worriedly in a hushed tone, Ontari seemed to be in a deep sleep already.

Marie nodded mutely, not being able to actually meet the woman's worried gaze, and quickly stepped around the woman, slipping beneath her furs without any more words.

Anya watched the girl with a mute frown, something was off with the girl clearly, but she could not pinpoint what. She hoped that the child was not coming down with something.

In the morning Anya's worry mounted ten-fold. Marie was not woken by her touch and the girl's skin was warm to the touch and she seemed drenched in sweat.

Anya stepped out of the room quickly, sending one of the guards to immediately summon a healer. She sighed under her breath, not looking forward at all to taking care of a sick child yet again. She hoped it was nothing serious though and that the girl had simply caught a cold.

Ontari looked on in worry how an older woman came rushing into their quarters followed closely by Wanheda herself.

Clarke had not seen much of Marie in the last few days. She had been occupied most of her time with helping out the healers around Polis and had mostly returned to the commander's quarters after Marie and Ontari had already left the room.

The condition of the girl was alarming to say the least, her complexion was waxen and it seemed as if she had lost weight. Her pupils did not react to light and looked unusually small. Although the girl's body showed a slightly elated temperature, it was not a fever yet and the child's lymph nodes were not swollen. It did not look like her symptoms matched to a cold or an infection, but Clarke had no idea what it could have been besides that. That the girl would not wake up was the most alarming in her opinion.

Laurel on the other hand seemed to have a suspicion immediately. "How often has she been given the tonic I provided you with?" the lead healer asked the general after hearing the child's symptoms.

Anya's brows furrowed "I have not given her anything of it at all" she proclaimed. When asked to collect the vial, Anya's frown deepened, but the general returned with the vial in hand. She looked at the girl in silent horror, having paled considerably. The vial was almost empty. The only logical consequence was that Marie had taken the tonic without her knowledge.

Laurel nodded "She has poisoned herself with overdosing the tonic" she commented with a sigh.

"Is that life threatening?" the general asked trying to keep her tone calm, but feeling anything but. How had the girl sneaked around her for days and she had not recognized anything? Guilt started to gnaw at her insides, she should have noticed earlier that something was off.

Laurel shook her head as she prepared a paste for the child, mixing it into a cup of water "No, but the next hours and days are not going to be pleasant for her. I cannot say for how long she has been taking it, but she might have already developed an addiction" she explained.

When the healer explained to Anya what needed to be done now and what was expected during the next hours, she asked the nightblood to seek out Titus. Ontari did not have to keep the girl vigil as well and the girl could participate in the normal training of the nightbloods instead.

Clarke assisted Laurel in forcing the dark liquid down the unconscious girl's throat, it should prompt her to start vomiting soon, hopefully removing at least some of the substance from her system. She assured the other healer that she would stay with the girl and the general at least until the child woke up.

It was obvious to the blonde without Anya to having to voice it, that she already blamed herself for not detecting anything.

Laurel had been correct in her prediction of how hard the next hours turned out to be. Marie was caught in a dazed state between deliriousness and awareness. The vomiting continued through hours without end. Anya was wondering already just how much the girl could have left in her body to vomit.

The child seemed to switch minutely between wanting to be comforted calling out in a pitiful voice to Anya and sometimes Lexa and shrinking into herself, flinching away from her touch again.

The hours felt like slow torture to Anya and when recognition seemed to finally appear in Marie's grey eyes, the child started to cry in earnest.

Clarke had stayed until the end, waiting for the girl's answer on just how long she had taken the tonic.

Marie had brought out the answer through loud sobbing and Anya frowned deeply when Marie reasoned that she had been sure she would not be given the tonic because the general had been angry with her.

Clarke sighed, Laurel had explained her that the time span would already have been enough for the girl to develop a mild addiction, but it seemed as if she had only truly overdosed herself in the last night.

The girl kept on apologizing rapidly to Anya, while Clarke slipped away. Lexa had already sent a guard wanting to be briefed on how the child was doing.

Anya knew that speaking rationally with the girl now, would make no sense at all, so she only held her hand and tried to sooth the upset child. The girl seemed physically drained, when her vomiting turned into dry heaves, but her tears did not seem to dry out.

"You will feel better soon…" Anya promised for what felt like the thousand's times.

When Marie tried to yet again apologize tearfully, Anya gently silenced the girl "Ssshh, Marie. It is alright now. You cannot change it anymore now, so just stop apologizing."

Chapter 176

When Marie truly woke the next time, it was already dark. She blinked her eyes open in confusion, when she felt someone hold her hand. A groan left her mouth against her will and she carefully inched into a sitting position. Her body felt weirdly exhausted, her throat raw and her eyes felt swollen.

Anya was holding onto her hand, but it seemed that the general was still asleep. Ontari's bed proved to be empty and Marie wondered where the other girl was.

She also tried to remember what time it was and what had actually happened. Her breath caught in her throat, when she spotted the vial of the sleeping aid lying on the table next to her bed.

Before Marie had the possibility to think about how to justify to her mentor that she had sneaked around her and taken the tonic without the woman's knowledge for days, a fact which already made guilt gnaw at her insides because she had known that she was doing something else, a huge onslaught of impressions resurfacing within her mind, made her gasp.

She suddenly remembered Anya's quarters again and being confided into them for weeks on end, because she had not been able to walk. She remembered missing Lexa, as the woman had not shown herself.

Marie had her eyes tightly closed as she abruptly recalled why her own thoughts had felt so upsetting during the outing with Lexa. Suddenly images of the Mountain flashed through her mind, being dragged away at the commander's orders and hearing later that Anya had returned to her.

All of a sudden, the tonic did not seem to feel so pressing to her anymore. She felt as if she finally remembered the closeness she had felt for her mentor. Marie guessed that she was still missing much, but with an increasing heartbeat she felt the pressing urge to just be enveloped into Anya's strong arms, where she knew she was safe.

It looked as if dawn was impending and the first signs of soft light filtered through the curtains into their quarters.

Marie could not stop the sob bubbling from her throat, but she still registered just how uncomfortable Anya's position had appeared to be, half sitting and asleep on a chair next to her bedside.

Anya was woken by Marie audibly sobbing and she already felt the girl's smaller hand shaking slightly, where she still had held onto it during the long hours of the night. She cracked her eyes open quickly, already painfully aware of the lingering tension in her back from sitting upright so long.

"You came back…" Marie brought out between heavy sobs wreaking her frame and her grey eyes looked to be overflowing with a variety of emotions.

Anya was slightly confused by the girl's statement and worried that the tonic had still not left the child's system. Laurel had said that hallucinations could be expected as an adverse reaction. "I did not leave your side" she soothed the obviously upset girl and squeezed her fingers gently. During the last hours Marie had switched between desperately wanting at least some closeness and later freaking out about the same closeness.

Marie shook her head "I remember the Mountain…" she explained, voice faint and a shadow of the horrors of the Mountain flashed over her pale features.

Anya felt a painful tugging at her heart as understanding dawned on her mind, she gave the girl's fingers another reassuring squeeze.

"She is not here again…" Marie noticed looking around the room with huge grey eyes, tears continued to run down her cheeks.

Anya thought that her charge would be referring to Ontari's absence, but she had sent the nightblood back into her old room for the night. The nightblood would have been able to catch some sleep that way at least. The general was surprised when Marie shook her head again and said in a quivering voice that she meant Lexa.

The way the child spoke the commander's name sounded different and Anya quickly assured "She was as worried about you, as I was, and she will come immediately…"

The general made to stand up, but Marie suddenly held onto her hands with a vice like grip and the child's voice was a pitiful whine "Don't leave …."

"Marie, it is alright" Anya tried to sooth the child. The pronunciation of Lexa's name had sounded more like the girl had usually used it and was lacking the harder pronunciation of Trigedasleng again, so it seemed Marie was remembering enough of the commander now to feel connected to her as well again. But Anya did not wish for a repetition of what had transpired with Arla. She was sure Lexa would come to see Marie immediately, no matter with what the woman had actually been occupied and it was more important than ever that Marie understood exactly that.

With the way things had been going with the coalition and Ice Nation, it was probable that Lexa was either already in a meeting with the ambassadors or at least preparing for one. Ice Nation warriors had made a few attempts to pass their borders and there already had been losses on both sides. It would not be long now, before the coalition's armies would have banded together and could march north.

"I will return in a moment" Anya assured her upset charge and tried to pry her fingers loose. The general had not expected for Marie to truly let go, for the child to suddenly fling herself at her.

But the girl was sobbing against her neck moments later, pleading with her over and over not to let go.

Anya tightened her arms around Marie, the position on the chair was awkward at best, but she let her fingers glide over the child's blonde hair and her back in a soothing caress. "It is alright, Marie" she tried to reassure the girl, but it did not seem as if her attempts had any effect on the girl.

Anya waited for long moments, hoping in vain that Marie would start to calm down. When nothing changed, the general stood from the chair and felt the girl wrapping her legs around her middle instinctively. She awkwardly pushed the door to her quarters open and was relived to noticed that Gustus and Ryder still stood post at the commander's chambers, indicating Lexa was still inside.

"Does she need a healer?" Loras, a guard posted at their chambers, asked attentively, but Anya shook her head.

The general felt Marie burrowing herself further into their embrace, when she heard Loras' voice, but she only tightened her arms around the child, carrying her through the corridor to the commander's quarters.

Marie's mind was caught up with the memories which kept on returning to her mind. Little flashes of all the times she had spent alone in the general's quarters, hurt and confused. But other things came back as well, moments of searching comfort from the commander and the general.

She did not understand all the feelings coming back rushing into her mind, but she was yearning to see the commander at the moment. She could smell Anya's comforting scent and feel her arms around her, but she started remembering seeking the same from Lexa. The queen's words ringing through her mind were only confusing her further, but she remembered little flashes of curling up with Lexa on an armchair and listening to her reading something to her and falling asleep curled into the woman, hearing her soothing whispers.

Gustus' dark eyes were worried when the burly guard took in Marie's condition. The man had already heard what happened and although the healers had been sure the poisoning would not be lethal, he felt compassionate for the girl. He had noticed the child acting strangely for days and had not thought to look more deeply into the cause of her behaviour.

Lexa whirled around to the door, when she heard it being pushed open. A small part of her hoped to see Clarke return as they had had a rather heated argument only mere moments ago. Her nerves had been frayed for the better part of the last day and the night, now that the preparations to march against the Ice Nation were coming to a close, she had proposed to Clarke that she wished for her to remain within the capitol. To say that the blonde woman had not reacted well, would be the understatement of the millennium, so Lexa's mood had already soured considerably, mixed with the fact that Marie had apparently not gotten better overnight, Lexa had a scathing remark on the tip of her tongue already.

But her words never made it past her lips, when she recognized Anya striding into her quarters.

Lexa furrowed her brow, worry increasing tenfold, when she recognized Marie clinging to the general's body strongly and audibly crying. She had been in the process of applying her war paint, but she put the thin brush down instantly.

She distinctly heard Marie repeating a mumbling of "she is not here" between heart wrenching sobbing sounds, but Lexa had no idea who the girl was referring to. She had just been in the general's quarters for a few minutes the previous day, but Marie did not seem to have reacted to her presence at all and was obviously occupied with vomiting without end.

"Marie" Anya tried to get the girl's attention, convincing the child to look up, so that she could notice her surroundings.

"What happened to her?" Lexa asked tentatively, stepping closer to the both of them cautiously.

Lexa's voice seemed to register somewhere in the back of Marie's mind.

The girl's grey eyes seemed huge and a weird mixture of recognition and confusion flashed through them as they connected with Lexa's worried green eyes.

Lexa reacted instinctively when the girl loosened her hands around Anya's neck and stretched them out towards her. She was surprised slightly by the strength Marie displayed in clinging to her coat and she felt the girl's tears dampening her neck only moments later.

To say the commander was confused by the girl's display would not have been enough to describe the emotions battling through Lexa's mind. Nothing had pointed towards the fact that Marie had truly started to regain memories associated to her and Lexa's hope had started to dwindle down again.

"She remembers the Mountain" Anya commented, voice heavy and brown eyes still filled with worry.

At the mention of the Mountain Marie's fingers seemed to form into claws and Lexa felt them painfully scratching at the skin of her neck, where the child had fisted the collar of her coat into tight fists.

Lexa closed her eyes tightly, tightening her arm's around the girl's body pressed against her own. She could not stop herself from wondering why the girl needed to remember exactly the Mountain before so many other things which would be enough to make her realize their deep connection. She feared that the Mountain would only be associated with negative memories for the girl. But at least her mumblings made sense now. She herself had been meant by Marie, because she had not been with the girl neither during the Mountain nor in the weeks Marie had been injured afterwards, at least not that the child would remember.

Marie had told her later, after the failed assassination attempt staged by Arla, that she had been disappointed every time she woke and usually only always found Arla, sometimes Anya, but never word from the commander.

"I am here now" Lexa whispered reassuringly into the girl's ears, although internally she prepared herself already for the moment Marie's senses would truly return. It was clear she was upset deeply and Lexa feared that once she thought a little bit more rationally, the girl would push her away again.

"Cancel the meeting for now" the commander addressed her general, tone already indicating that nothing would convince Lexa to leave her quarters now.

Anya nodded with a slight frown. She knew how important the meetings with the ambassadors were now to truly organize and finalize their first strategies, but she could understand wholeheartedly that Lexa was going to take a few hours simply to reconnect with Marie, now that she finally could. She doubted Titus would be pleased though.

Lexa was glad she had not yet put on her sash and shoulder guard, but she was already starting to feel quite heated under the warm coat and Marie's body pressed against her front.

Lexa manoeuvred them onto an armchair and kept on soothing the girl, hoping that the child would run out of tears eventually.

The application of her glove kept on tangling with the girl's blonde hair and against Marie's surprisingly loud protests, Lexa shortly let go of the child's body and divested herself off the gloves at least, letting them drop on the floor carelessly. She tried to open the buckles of her coat as well, they could hardly be comfortable for Marie to lean against, although the bite of the metal did not seem to discourage the child from pressing unbelievingly close to her.

Lexa hissed under breath, when in the attempt to protect Marie's fair skin from the buckles, she had cut her own palm on the sharp edge of one of the buckles.

Marie's grey eyes truly looked at Lexa now, hearing the hiss and her gaze lingered on the commander's palm, black blood was slowly extravasating out of the cut.

Lexa did not know on how to interpret the strange look within Marie's eyes and wanted to whip her palm on her pants, the cut could hardly be deep after all, she had been more surprised than anything else.

But Marie suddenly gripped her wrist with surprising strength and Lexa shivered involuntarily when the girl's finger tips ghosted directly over the cut.

She gasped when the girl's fingers suddenly appeared to shine and she felt as if liquid fire was burning the slight cut from her hand.

Marie blinked her eyes in confusion as she abruptly let go of the commander's fingers. She had no idea what had prompted her to take the woman's hand or what exactly had happened just now. She searched the commander's face but she did not find the amount of surprise she would have expected.

"Have I done this before…?" she asked, voice shaking strongly.

Lexa awkwardly tried to prevent the girl form falling from the armchair backwards, as the girl now leaned back from her. She nodded with a cautious expression "I have seen you do this a few times" she assured the obviously confused girl.

The commander was relived that the girl looked visibly healthier again than she had during the previous day, although her complexion was still pale, she did not look waxen any longer.

Marie could simply not understand what had happened exactly a moment ago. She had felt strangely calm and she had not thought at all about what she was doing, it had been pure instinct. "You are still here…" the child remarked in a weird tone. Marie was still missing too much from her memory to truly grasp the depth of the love that had connected them for weeks before her disappearance.

Lexa nodded with a slight furrow to her brow. She was not entirely sure what the girl meant with her words, but it would not even cross her mind to attend the scheduled meeting with the ambassadors when Marie obviously needed her to be there now. She would deal with Titus and the ambassadors later. Lexa held on to the girl's body with one arm and although the position was probably uncomfortable to both of them, neither of them moved. Lexa worried she would startle the girl if she attempted to draw her a little closer to herself and it looked as if Marie was too caught up in her thoughts to even contemplate her current position.

Lexa did not know how long they had sat in this weird position until the doors to her quarters were opened again and Anya strode back inside, surprisingly accompanied by Clarke and Laurel.

Clarke sat down next to Lexa, looking at Marie with a kind smile and greeted the girl in a gentle tone "Anya told me you remember quite a lot more now. Are you still feeling sick?" she questioned the girl cautiously.

Marie nodded to the first part of the blonde woman's statement and shook her head in the negative to the last part, but remained mute. Her eyes flicking back and forth between Anya and Lexa, clearly seeking some sort of directions on how to act.

Marie's whole frame stiffened visibly when Laurel addressed her, asking the girl firmly which symptoms she had suffered from during the last days.

Lexa shook her head at their charge, when a tear rolled down her cheek and she whipped it away gently, although her firm was firm "Do not cry now, Marie, answer her, honestly" she ordered the child.

Marie seemed to swallow forcefully, before she met the older healer's gaze. Her voice was shaking strongly when she said that she had not felt anything off at first, but that her stomach had started to feel queasy and she did not feel rested any longer. Horror etched into her features when she admitted to Anya that she had started to see Nia appear in front of her suddenly, prompting her slip and injury during their training.

Lexa and Anya both seemed visibly torn between their clear anger at the girl for being so careless and not expressing her pronounced fear of sleeping and feeling sorry for the girl. It was apparent the girl had suffered enough by the adverse effects of the tonic without them actually needing to punish the child.

To their shared relieve, Laurel proclaimed that she regarded lasting adverse effects as unprobeable. Although the girl had overdosed herself with the tonic, the poisoning seemed to have been mild and if she had started to develop an addiction it would be only slight as well and should be overcome easily enough.

Marie nodded with drooped shoulders when the healer instilled firmly that she could not be given any form of sleeping aid for the next weeks and that she needed to learn to cope with the ghosts of her past in another form.

Anya had surprisingly been able to convince Titus to postpone the meeting until the following day, so Lexa's schedule was free for the next hours.

Clarke watched with the hint of a smile how overly cautious and gentle Lexa handled the girl, the child had not moved a single centimetre since their entrance and it did not appear as if Marie wanted to climb down from Lexa's lap anytime soon.

"Have you had breakfast yet?" Lexa questioned the girl in a calm tone.

Marie still seemed to be miles away with her thought and Anya answered for her "No, we have not. I have directly come here with her". Although the child was clearly not almost hysterical any longer, seeing her almost apathetic was not soothing in the slightest.

"Her mind is probably trying to catch up with all the memories she regained" Clarke mused, she kept her voice low and soft and did not appear as if Marie was paying any mind to her surroundings at the moment. She could image just how much of impressions the girl would need to work through if she remembered all of the Mountain all of a sudden.

Chapter 177

"She healed a minor cut on my hand" Lexa reported to Anya and Clarke, she still tried to get Marie to take something to eat for herself, but it seemed she could try to convince with the wall instead and have the same result.

Anya looked genuinely surprised by that piece of information. If Marie remembered her healing talent, it would be logical to assume that their charge could soon remember everything of their shared time together.

Clarke looked rather impressed as well. She guessed that Marie suppressing her own dreams for the span of a few days, but still being confronted to triggers to her memories every day, had prompted the girl's mind to try to process everything now during awareness. "She should come back to herself with time, though it would probably be better if she slept for a bit" Clarke surmised to the other two women. She excused herself afterwards, Anya had run into her when she had wanted to leave the tower and make her rounds visiting their various patients who needed daily attention. If Marie was lucky and Clarke dearly hoped the little girl would have some luck, she would only suffer very mild adverse effects for the next few days, but it was unrealistic to hope that her sleeping problems would just vanish like that.

When her arm began to ache slightly from her effort to keep Marie from falling down, Lexa cautiously pulled the girl closer to herself.

The child seemed to react on instinct as she inched even closer and laid her head against the commander's neck.

Anya could still see the girl's grey eyes being wide open but seemingly not focused on anything.

Lexa resumed caressing the girl's back gently and hummed the lullaby under her breath, which had usually worked to sooth the girl to sleep.

In minutes Anya could watch Marie's grey eyes starting to droop close, her body slackening in Lexa's hold and breaths evened out as she drifted off into slumber.

Cautious not to wake the sleeping girl, Lexa carried the child over to her bed and put her down, pulling a fur around her and tucking her in. She waited a few moments, standing beside the bed, making sure that the girl remained asleep. Gently Lexa brushed a strand of the girl's blonde hair out of her face and returned to the couch, sitting down with a sigh.

She had waited for what felt like a whole eternity, for the girl to remember her, but she did not feel as relieved about her progress as she had hoped.

"It will get better once she truly remembers" Anya commented, picking up on the commander's way of thought.

"Will it truly?" Lexa shot back, voice tinted heavily with doubt, shoulders slumped slightly.

Anya's brow furrowed, so Lexa elaborated "Clarke thinks that the signs of the trauma she suffered under Nia will only increase, when Marie remembers who she is and allows herself to express herself again."

Anya sighed, but she nodded in acknowledgment "We should be able to help her better then. I doubt she would have taken the tonic without permission if she would have truly trusted me…"

"It was not your fault" Lexa assured the general, voice firm and unyielding. The guilt within the general's brown eyes had been easy enough to interpret without further words.

Anya looked over to Marie minutely, but changed the subject quickly "What have you two argued about?" She could not shake the thought from her mind that she should have noticed something was off with the girl.

Lexa was slightly caught off guard by the sudden change and she wondered how the general could even know about the little fight she had with Clarke. But the woman knew her since her early childhood, so it was no wonder, she still possessed the ability to read her easily. When her former first kept on taxing her with an inquiring gaze, Lexa relented with a huff "I told Clarke that I want her to stay in Polis when the army marches to Azgeda".

Anya raised a brow in surprise and a snort escaped her lips "And you even considered Wanheda would agree to that?" there was a mocking quality to her tone.

Lexa's lips thinned, but she sighed in obvious defeat "Clarke has already told me quite elaborately what her opinions are on the matter…"

"I understand, why you would prefer for her to remain here, protected" Anya remarked and her voice was sympathetic now "You will not be able to protect Clarke from everything, Lexa".

Lexa nodded and her voice was heavy as she agreed "I know that, but she is no warrior".

Anya inclined her head in agreement "She is not, no, and I doubt she will ever become one. But healers are needed within the ranks of an army as well."

Lexa clenched her teeth against the sound argument. Healers were an essential part of every army. She was surprised by the general's next words though.

"But leaving Clarke here, would only divert your attention" Anya surmised "Marie will be going as well".

Lexa raised a brow questioningly, they had not discussed yet if Marie would be part of the army or remain behind with the novitiates in Polis.

"She will not stay here alone" Anya added, catching the objection within the commander's gaze. She would not leave the girl on her own ever again, if she could help it.

"Marie would not be alone" Lexa reasoned, although her tone lacked the attempt to convince her general otherwise. If Marie would truly now seek out their closeness once again, leaving her behind in Polis was simply not an option. Fortunately, Lexa was convinced the army would not be ready to begin their march for another two weeks, maybe even a full moon, hopefully giving their charge some more possibilities to recover.

"She will accompany us" Anya repeated, a little force within her tone.

Lexa nodded her consent "What about Ontari?" she inquired.

"She seemed extremely worried by Marie's condition" Anya narrated although she was not surprised by the nightblood's compassion for her younger charge "She is still doubting my judgement and she questions each and every lesson. She does not seem convinced anymore that I am trying to kill her accidentally though" amusement was clear within the general's tone at the last part.

Lexa snorted lightly under her breath, she could still remember vividly that she herself had presumed this hidden agenda behind a few of her mentor's lessons.

"I should probably go and see her, she will be relieved to hear that Marie has woken" Anya surmised and stood. Lexa was capable on her own to watch over their charge, now that her meeting had been cancelled.

The commander nodded and watched her general sweep from her quarters with quick strides, only after making sure that Marie was still asleep and not running a fever. Risha slipped through the doors, when they opened.

Lexa smiled slightly at the wolf, but once Risha caught the fresh scent of her human and located Marie's sleeping form, Risha completely ignored the commander and instantly jumped up onto the bed.

Lexa watched with an amused smirk, as the wolf nosed herself beneath Marie's arms, efficiently being enveloped in the girl's arms now. They both seemed content cuddled together.

The commander busied herself with pouring over a model which had taken up residence in a corner of her quarters. The model was a replica of the borders shared between Ice Nation and the rest of the coalition and what they so far knew of the lands of Azgeda. Lexa had asked Ontari for conferment of certain routes and bridges and the placement and size of villages, every time the younger nightblood had been within her quarters.

Although Azgeda had been part of the coalition for some time now, it was the only clan Lexa had not visited so far on a friendly visit and the model mostly relied on her own scouts' words.

Ontari had proofed more helpful in adding little facts than Lexa had expected. The nightblood girl had seemed absolutely willing to tell her whatever she wanted to know. It seemed that Nia's treatment of Marie had finally cost the queen her nightblood's loyalty for good.

Lexa was still contemplating allowing Ontari to join their army as well. The girl's knowledge of the land would be an advantage not to be scoffed at. Ultimately, the girl was old enough to gather real experiences of war. She had been Ontari's age, when she had taken over as the commander and she had already gotten enough experiences while being Anya's second. Lexa was aware that no matter how fast they tried to construct the novitiate's tutelage, nothing would prepare them for a real battle, if she did not take them to one. Although Ontari was without a doubt old enough, Lexa was also considering taking Aden along.

Lexa moved around a few wooden figurines, representing units which would fight under her, coming from all twelve clans. The main problem was that most of the clans were severely unprepared to fight within the north. She could not send soldiers into the land, where the snow did not thaw at all, without proper clothing and equipment, they would freeze before they could reach their destination. So, she had commanded all of the troops to make the detour to Polis, to have them equipped in a suitable manner, but it was starting to devour much more resources than Lexa had predicted and the progress they had made in the last weeks was much less than she had hoped for.

Lexa's attention was called away from all of her planning instantly, when Marie started to toss and turn under the furs. Risha had lowly whined at the girl and nudged her with her muzzle, apparently trying to wake the child up.

Lexa walked over to the bed quickly and vehemently shooed Risha down. The wolf scurried with a clearly sullen expression, turning her back to the commander and rolling together in front of the fire place, icy blue eyes still hefted onto her human.

"Marie" Lexa addressed the girl in a soothing tone, gently grasping onto the child's shoulder and efficiently stopping her tossing around by immobilizing the child with mild force.

Marie's grey eyes snapped open immediately at the contact and her breathing was ragged, eyes wide with silent horror.

"Breath, Marie, you are safe" Lexa assured the girl in a soft tone, letting go of her shoulders and easing away slightly to give the girl more room.

Marie's breathing remained ragged for long moments and the horror morphed into confusion "You sang to me…" she mumbled disbelievingly.

Lexa looked at the child questioningly at the off-hand comment, the only time she could remember truly singing to the girl had been in the medical bay of Arkadia, when they had waited long days for the girl to either wake up or die. "You remember Arkadia?" Lexa checked, tone diffident.

Marie gasped audibly and her eyes seemed to turn far away.

Lexa watched the girl with worry rising in her mind, she could not see clearly if the child was still breathing or if she might have some kind of seizure.

"I remember…" Marie finally gasped out, tone quivering and grey eyes still wide.

"You remember what?" Lexa pried gently, sitting down on the edge of the mattress.

"Everything…" the child breathed out and the relief was palpable in her expression. A tentative smile grew on her features, before she suddenly faced Lexa fully and flung herself at the commander.

Lexa did not react in the first few moments. The simple one worded answer kept on repeating in her mind, but she had difficulties to grasp its meaning.

"I am sorry for forgetting…" the girl said, her breaths tickling at the sensitive skin of Lexa's throat.

Lexa tightened her arms around the girl, feeling relieve course through her veins. She did not understand why she felt like laughing and crying at the same time and she had to force her voice to be even remotely steady "You have done nothing to apologize for" she reassured the girl. Lexa clearly remembered how Marie had apologized for almost dying after the child had miraculously recovered from her aneurysm.

Marie stiffened in the embrace when incidents during her time with the Ice queen flashed through her mind. She had tortured other people, she had killed other people and only because the Ice queen had asked it of her, she had not even questioned her orders.

The girl's voice was quivering strongly when she disagreed with Lexa's assumption "But I have…" she claimed strongly, easing out of Lexa's arms "…I have followed her orders…" the child began to sob, shame written over her features.

"Sshh, Marie, listen closely to me" Lexa addressed the girl, voice strong and stern "You have not done anything to feel guilty for. You did what you needed to survive".

Marie's grey eyes looked huge and haunted in her pale face and a sheen of tears already glistened in them, but she nodded in acknowledgment, trying hard to keep a straight face.

Lexa smiled reassuringly at her charge, she knew that it would take time for the girl to accept such words. Ontari had told them some things about what had transpired under the queen's reign. Anya and Lexa had shared the opinion that bringing into balance what Marie had been forced to do without her memories would be hard once she regained them and recognized her own personality. But they would both repeat the words until they sunk into their charge's mind.

When the girl's stomach growled audibly, Lexa said "Now you need to eat something". The commander stood from the bed and offered a hand to Marie, who took it without hesitating even for the fraction of a second.

Marie smiled tentatively and her smile grew, when she spotted a honey cake among the things still left on the table.

"Can I name the foal, Lexa?" the child asked, remembering the foal in the stables, her voice was laced with enthusiasm.

The girl's enthusiasm felt infectious and a mirroring smile grazed Lexa's lips "Of course" she instantly agreed to her charge's question.

Risha trotted over to Marie, tilting her head in front of the girl. Marie giggled at the wolf's restraint, placed the cake back onto the table and sat down on the floor directly in front of Risha and enveloping the wolf with her arms "I missed you" she whispered into Risha's ears and her giggles grew in volume when the wolf licked over her face in reaction.

Marie stayed sitting on the floor with Risha for a long time, it was obvious how much the wolf was enjoying the girl's attention.

After long moments of silence, Marie's expression fell visibly and she stood up from the floor, sitting down closely to Lexa.

Lexa had read over a few reports, only glancing over to her charge from time to time, but she put the reports aside and turned her full attention to Marie.

"You truly mourned me…?" the girl asked, voice soft and low.

Lexa raised a brow questioningly and she sighed under her breath. She could understand that the girl was unsure of herself, but she should not doubt their feelings for her.

She stood from the couch without a word and went over to the bed, bending down and retrieving the box hidden beneath.

Marie watched the commander turn away with a frown.

"Come here" Lexa asked her charge in a calm tone and sat down on the edge of the bed, opening the large box. Clarke had drawn several sketches of Marie for her and she had kept every single one, together with the two daggers she had given to her.

Marie trudged over to the bed, visibly unsure as she peered into the box in the commander's hands.

Lexa smiled melancholic as her fingers caressed over a necklace which had belonged to Costia. She took out all of Clarke's drawing of the child and handed the papers to her.

Marie leaved through the pictures with widened eyes. The drawings were done to an amazing detail and she recognized herself easily. "Clarke has drawn me?" she whispered in wonder, there was no doubt who had done the sketches. A few of the drawings looked smudged in places, as if water had dripped onto them. She internally wondered if Lexa had cried over the pictures.

Lexa retrieved Marie's blonde braid from an inner pocket of her coat and handed it to Marie "Yes, Clarke drew you. She did a few for Anya as well".

"I am sorry for causing all of you pain…" the girl said, lips visibly trembling.

"Marie, it has not been your fault" Lexa emphasised as she watched the girl run her fingers over her own braid. "We should burn them" the commander added thoughtfully.

Marie's face scrunched up in confusion and her voice sounded almost sullen "I liked my hair better when it was longer…"

Lexa snorted slightly at the childishness of the comment, but she reassured her quickly "It will grow back with time." Burning the girl's braids together could emphasis to all of them, that Marie had truly returned.

Marie's expression was still rather offended. She now remembered Echo from before she had brought her to the queen. She had never felt truly comfortable in the woman's presence and her instincts seemed to have been right for once. She frowned slightly when she realized that she had not once seen Roan so far.

Lexa was slightly surprised when Marie inquired about the prince of Azgeda, but she merely explained that he had been confined to his quarters, for his own security.

"There will be war soon?" Marie asked next.

Lexa was unable to interpret the child's emotions regarding the impending war, but she nodded with a sigh "Nia cannot be allowed to remain queen of Azgeda any longer. Taking you has been a clear violation of the laws of the coalition". The commander had to try to keep anger from infusing into her tone.

Marie's voice was biting as she agreed "You will kill her, right?". Fear was coursing through her mind at the possibility of encountering the queen ever again.

"She will never lay another finger on you" Lexa assured, voice deathly serious and her green eyes blazing.

Marie nodded, swallowing past the lump lodged in her throat, leaning against the woman and feeling her arm snake around her body immediately. She sighed in contentment, before she remembered Ontari and the other nightblood children "When will Anya come back? And Ontari? And can I see that novitiates? And…"

Lexa smiled good-naturedly at her young charge, amused by her sudden twist back in personality. The chirpy girl, who was not even stopping a second to take a breath in her questioning, seemed almost unchanged by the whole ordeal of the last few months. The harshness of her features, so unlike someone so young, belied that observation though. Lexa knew it would be foolish to assume that Marie was fine now again simply because she remembered everything again.

Marie fell silent abruptly, when she noticed Lexa's amused expression and that she had not given the commander a chance to answer even a single of her questions. Sheepishness mixed with slight fear flashed over her features minutely.

"Breath, Marie" Lexa addressed the girl, voice still tinted with amusement slightly, but a hint of worry glistened in her green eyes. She let her hand run soothingly over the girl's back and waited until the child seemed to have relaxed again, before she said "Anya and Ontari will probably come back soon, depending if Anya had planned to train her or not. You shall see the novitiates again soon…" and after a slight sigh, she added "…if you insist on seeing prince Roan, that can be organized as well. You still can visit your foal whenever you like, during daytime" the last addition, the commander thought of as an afterthought. Anya had told her that the girl had asked to visit the foal, when she was supposed to go to bed. She feared that Anya would have her hands full with getting the girl to sleep. But the commander frowned slightly, before Marie's abduction the girl had still shared a bed with herself and Anya, she dearly hoped such would not be necessary again. The arrangement would not work again, with Clarke and Ontari now in the picture. She would still caution Clarke to sleep fully clothed now, in case Marie would seek her out during night time.

A slight blush creeped up on Marie's cheeks at the last part and she nodded, her expression turned slightly desperate though "I just want to forget the nightmares…"

Lexa nodded with a heavy sigh. The irony of the girl's statement was not lost on her though, Marie had been searching for her lost memories for months, making new memories she now wished to be able to forget. "I can understand your wish Marie, but you will have to face them" Lexa admonished gently "You will not be alone now and you will push through stronger".

Marie nodded, although her expression looked teary all of a sudden. "Why did she do it…?" the girl asked, a sob escaping her lips and she slung her arms around Lexa's neck, burying herself against the commander's body.

Lexa's lips formed a thin line, an expression of torment on her features and her voice had lost its strength "I do not know, Marie" she answered the girl truthfully. She knew that a large factor in Nia's decision would have been the girl's connection to her, but telling Marie that would not make it easier in the slightest. Nia was simply a monster who rejoiced in the misery of others' and Marie would recognize that with time. She gently carded her fingers through the girl's shortened blonde locks and whispered soothing words into her ear.

It seemed to take Marie a very long time to calm down again, but Lexa was content to simply hold the girl and sooth her down. It was obvious her charge felt comfortable, cuddled against her side and Lexa slowly bend over to take a book from the table and started to read the story to Marie in a calm tone. She did not know, if Marie truly listened to her words or if the girl just enjoyed the closeness to her, but Lexa continued reading to her softly.

Chapter 178

Anya swept from the commander's quarters with quick strides intent to go looking for Ontari, she would start searching the nightblood on the training pits as Titus had scheduled another sparring session for the novitiates.

On her way through the tower she promptly ran into Clarke. The blonde's features still clearly showed her suppressed anger and Anya was aware that she had interrupted an argument between Clarke and Lexa by storming into the commander's quarters unannounced.

"Finished already with your patients?" the general asked daring, stopping Clarke in her tracks.

Frustration flashed through Clarke's blue eyes and they seemed to blaze in their anger "Laurel send me away…" disbelieve was colouring her tone strongly.

Anya snorted lightly under her breath, amusement dancing through her brown eyes visibly. It was obvious that the blonde healer was at least as frustrated with herself, as she probably was with Lexa. "You are aware that Lexa wishes for you to be as protected as possible?" she asked.

Clarke huffed, glaring lightly at the general "Lexa cannot truly think that I would wait idle, while she rides off into war?!" her voice rose in apparent agitation.

Anya sighed when she noticed the guards posted around the corridor shuffling their feet uncomfortably, trying to appear as if they had heard nothing. The relationship between the commander and the blonde woman was still mostly kept in secret, although most of those working in the tower would have been aware of it. It was not customary for a commander to commit into a relationship and take a partner. Commanders before had had lovers or affairs, but nothing permanent and surely not with someone who could be regarded as almost an equal to the commander. Anya understood the guards' unease, but while Titus was still mostly worrying Clarke would divert Lexa's attention from her duty someday, she knew that Clarke had given the commander strength in the last months and would continue to support her in ways, only she could now.

She motioned Clarke into an unused room, closing the door behind them and giving them at least some privacy.

Annoyance was palpable on Clarke's features, but she waited for the general to continue with what she expected to be a tirade to ease up on Lexa.

"Lexa knows that you will not stay in Polis willingly" Anya amended and Clarke raised a brow in clear surprise. Anya's tone was almost teasing when she said "She had to chose someone as stoic as a mule…"

Clarke huffed, crossing her arms over her chest "Staying in Polis would not be much safer than accompanying her" she reasoned, ignoring Anya's jab.

The general nodded in agreement "You would be better protected and not part in the actual battle…"

"Don't try to convince me to stay!" Clarke interrupted the general forcefully, blue eyes boring into Anya's angrily.

The general's lips thinned visibly at being interrupted so rudely and her tone was slightly clipped "I had not planned to. You know that Lexa already lost Costia".

Clarke nodded, sadness flickering through her blue eyes. Although she did not know much about Costia, she assumed she must have been a wonderful and great girl to catch Lexa's heart.

Anya swallowed forcefully before she said "You have seen what Nia has done to Marie, she will stop at nothing to destroy Lexa. I doubt she would survive losing you in the same way".

Clarke's expression looked pained and her voice had gotten considerably calmer and she sighed deeply "She would survive…" There was not even the smallest flicker of doubt in her mind. Lexa would not abandon her people like that, she might lose her heart, but she would remain the commander.

"Costia was a scout, one of our best" Anya began and her brown eyes seemed far away.

Clarke listened to the general's words carefully, she had not dared to ask Lexa more about Costia. She had always been curious, but the timing had never seemed fitting and after Marie's disappearance, Clarke had stopped looking for the perfect moment, not wanting to burden Lexa with reliving old painful memories in addition.

"Costia was also not content to remain within Polis. The coalition was still composed of eleven clans and Azgeda resisted strongly. Costia insisted on leading a scouting team towards their border. Lexa and she had been quarrelling about the decision for days and Lexa had been sick with worry when Costia simply left without waiting for orders" Anya sighed. She had been part of the group to look for their missing scouts and she still remembered the scenery they found. "Costia's scouting team had not even passed the border before they had been ambushed by Azgeda warriors. They were still on Trikru land. We found the rest of her unit a few days later. All of them slain, including the horses. But Costia's body was not among them…"

Clarke sucked in a startled breath. Somehow she had pictured Costia having been abducted from the safety of Polis' walls. She could understand that Lexa would feel better if she was as far away from the impeding war as possible. But there was no guarantee for how long the march into the north could take or even when they would start their trek. Clarke did not wish to be separated for weeks or if things did not go according to plans months even.

"…Costia had been missing for weeks, before her head was delivered to Lexa's bed" Anya finished.

Clarke's expression looked drawn and sad, but to her the conclusion was different. "Both of us would only worry about the other, if we separated" Clarke reasoned "And I will surely not sit back and wait for her to return. Something she keeps on repeating, she can never promise…" Clarke's tone had taken on a frustrated edge again. She hated it how much Lexa seemed to contemplate her own death and did not seem affected by it at all.

Anya nodded "A warrior can never promise to return again from battle" her voice was steadfast. This knowledge was a simple fact of all their lives.

Clarke's blue eyes blazed and her voice rose again "But how can you all be so fucking calm about your own death! It is as if Lexa would not see her own death as anything important…"

"Lexa has been raised with the knowledge that she may one day become the commander, committing her life solely to our people. Death is a simple part of life and another will rise as the next commander after Lexa" Anya calmly replied. She could understand a fraction of the blonde's agitation though. She did not wish to see her previous second fall and she had heard Marie discussing the concept with Lexa before. Their charge had also not understood the commander's calmness about her own death.

Clarke let out a frustrated huff, grumbling something unintelligible under her breath. How should Lexa think any different if she had heard the same facts for all her life?

"Marie and you have given Lexa a new reason to wish to return though…" Anya amended as her expression turned noticeably softer. She was thankful that Clarke had been there for Lexa in the last few months.

Clarke looked slightly perplexed by the general's words and she knew that it was as close to a thank you and acknowledgment she would ever get to with the stoic woman.

"… and Lexa already accepted that you will be part of the army as a healer" Anya added. After a moment of silence, the general inclined her head once, signalling an end to the conversation and swept from the room without another word.

Anya hoped that the commander and Clarke were going to cease their argument. The upcoming weeks would be tense enough without added tension.

She found Titus together with the novitiates exactly where she had expected them. Anya remained in the background for a few minutes, watching Ontari spar with Kato. It was no secret that the nightblood from the Plain Riders had no liking for the older girl. Lexa had been quite disappointed with the boy when he proclaimed Ontari not worthy of her nightblood, something she did not think any of them could judge.

Titus was on the other side of the training pits and too far away to hear Kato taunting Ontari, but Anya did catch the words undetected.

"The general already had enough of you?" the boy sneered, barely holding his defence upright against the harsh counterattack from Ontari.

Ontari ground her teeth together angrily, unwilling to show that the boy's words did affect her at all. Internally she was seething, how dare Kato claim something like that? She knew that Anya had only send her back to the other novitiates to focus on Marie. It had worked out better between them so far than she had ever expected.

It seemed to anger the sneering boy visibly that she did not react to his taunt and simply kept on sparring with him. She knew that her own skills in sword fighting were superior to the younger boy's, but he was taller than her already and he seemed angry, so she had to watch her own guard. She doubted he would have any qualms about seriously injuring her.

Anya furrowed her brow, she would need to report to Lexa to keep closer watch on Kato. The way the nightblood seemed to be developing was worrying. She stepped closer to the training pits and immediately addressed Ontari, calling the girl over to her herself.

Titus did not look really pleased by her interruption, but the general ignored the flamekeeper. Annoying the man was a little bonus and Anya rejoiced in the little opportunities she got in that aspect.

Ontari was visibly startled by Anya's appearance and worry flashed through her dark eyes when she noted Marie's absence. "Is Marie alright?" she asked immediately, once she had stepped away from the other novitiates. The younger girl's condition had worried her greatly and she still could not understand how she had missed the signs of Marie taking the sleeping tonic. She had noted that the girl was getting short tempered and unconcentrated but she had not thought anything of it.

Anya nodded "She woke up again" she said and motioned the nightblood back towards the tower.

Ontari raised a brow in obvious confusion and her voice was hesitant as she asked "You left her alone afterwards?" She did not believe so, but the younger girl was clearly not with the general.

Anya lightly glared at the nightblood "No, she remembered what has happened at the Mountain and she needed to be with the commander now".

Ontari frowned slightly. Marie had never truly spoken to her about the Mountain at length, but she knew that the girl had been left by the commander at the Mountain and had been handed over as a part of the deal the commander had made with the Mountain Men. It was progress of course again, if she regained more memories. But she still remembered how Marie had reacted when the commander discussed her decision at the Mountain with the novitiates in a lesson. She hoped Marie would regain some more positive memories soon.

Marie had remained distant with the commander, so it surprised her slightly to hear that the blonde girl had now wished for the woman's presence.

"She is not sick any longer?" the nightblood girl asked following the general back to the tower.

Anya nodded "The tonic will probably have left her body. But the healers cannot tell if she already developed a dependency and might show withdrawal symptoms the next days". The general dearly hoped that Marie would not have so suffer through that as well, their charge had suffered enough already.

They walked through the tower in silence. Anya was already thinking about ways with which she could try to get Marie to sleep the following nights without the aid of the sleeping tonic. Before the girl had lost her memories, allowing her to cuddle up to you had worked wonders for Marie, but Anya highly doubted that would be an option now. Ontari wondered how they should be able to truly help Marie as well.

Anya told Ontari to wait in their quarters for dinner, while she wanted to collect Marie. She walked over to the commander's quarters, but the scenery she walked in on, made her pause. Lexa was still reading to Marie, but she paused and looked up from the book, when she noticed that the doors to her quarters had been opened.

Anya frowned, brows knitted together, in obvious confusion at Marie being cuddled to Lexa's side. Before she had the opportunity to inspect the girl more closely, Marie looked up and her grey eyes immediately connected with hers.

With a slight squeal Marie leaped to her feet and hurried over to the general, almost jumping at the visibly shocked woman.

Lexa placed the book back onto the table and watched her former mentor's confusion with amusement, a smile playing around the corners of her mouth and her green eyes softened.

"I remember everything…" Marie kept on mumbling excitedly, her arms tightening around Anya's midriff.

Anya blinked down at the girl, brown eyes widened slightly and it took her a few moments until Marie's words truly registered in her mind. She let herself sink to her knees and caressed the girl's cheeks with cautious fingers.

"You have regained your complete memory?" Anya checked, voice tinted strongly with awe. She did not know, if she should believe the girl's words.

Marie nodded with an honest smile and Anya pulled her into a tight embrace. Above Marie's head her brown eyes connected with Lexa's shortly and the commander nodded her head with a tender expression on her features.

Anya's thoughts were still running wild in her mind, she had truly not expected for Marie to regain her memory so suddenly. A deep sense of relieve flooded her mind, hoping dearly that everything would get easier from this point on. Although something in her mind already told her that hoping in such a way would be foolish, Clarke's prognosis ringing through her mind again.

"I was feeling so alone…" the child started to sob out, as she remembered the months with the queen and even after returning to Polis, she had not felt truly connected to anyone anymore.

Anya tightened her arms around the girl's body minutely "You are not alone, Marie" she reassured the girl in an honest and grave tone. She would not leave the girl behind ever again, if she could help it.

Marie nodded tearfully as she backed out of her mentor's arms, a sheepish expression on her features, as she quickly whiped at her cheeks to erase the signs of her tears. She stiffened noticeably when she suddenly recalled something the queen had told her. "Do not cry, my dumb girl, crying is weakness. Are you weak?!" the queen's voice resonated loudly through her mind and her focus began to blur. She felt arms holding onto her forearms and her body tensed even more in anticipation, she did not know any longer where she was.

"Marie…" Anya addressed the girl, worry tinting her tone at the glassy look within the girl's grey eyes. She could hear the girl's breaths coming out in short erratic bursts and it sounded as if she was having trouble breathing. She lightly shook her charge's shoulders, trying to shake her out of whatever daze had gripped her consciousness. To Anya's internal shock her gesture did not have a grounding effect to Marie, quiet the opposite happened. The girl forcefully took a few hurried steps back, her mouth opening and closing without emitting any kind of sound. When her back connected with a wall, the girl slid down, hugging her knees tightly to her chest, rocking back and forth, clearly struggling to breathe.

Lexa had rushed to the door hurriedly "Call for a healer!" she ordered sharply, her features drawn with worry.

Fortunately, the elevator opened just at that moment and Clarke stepped out, accompanied by Alira and another handmaid, the latter carrying trays with dinner.

Clarke's blue eyes immediately connected with Lexa's and she hurried through the corridor "What happened?" she asked urgently, spotting Marie pressed against a wall and Anya hovering in front of the child uncertainly.

"Marie has regained her memories, but she froze suddenly" Lexa answered, putting a hand on Anya's shoulder and motioning to her former mentor to make a little room for Clarke to inspect Marie.

The girl had started to mumble "I am not weak" over and over again, her fingernails clawed into her palms, raising little crescent-shaped bloody wounds against her pale skin. Her mumbling stopped abruptly and her breathing seemed to get even more erratic when Clarke kneeled down in front of her and tried to get the girl's attention.

"Panic attack" Clarke said over her shoulder "I guess something must have triggered her to have a flashback. She needs to get out of it, or she will start to hyperventilate".

"Marie" Clarke now directly addressed the girl. When she touched Marie to get her attention, the girl flinched strongly, jerking back and out of her reach and her muttering resumed.

"Marie, you are safe" Clarke tried to reassure the girl, but her voice seemed to only agitate Marie further, so she backed off slightly.

She stepped over to Anya and Lexa, both looked highly troubled and worried by Marie's behaviour.

"Marie…" Lexa softly addressed the child, voice gentle and soothing. Marie's breathing seemed to ease up a little bit, but she resumed her muttering. Lexa repeated calling out to Marie a few times, but it did not seem to have any apparent effect on their charge.

"You are not weak, Marie" Lexa reassured her in a gentle tone changing her tactic. The girl's grey eyes were still panicked and did seem unfocused, when she looked into the direction of the voice, which barely reached her consciousness.

Clarke explained under her breath to Anya, what needed to be done in order to try to help Marie out of her flashback. The child needed to recognize her surroundings again. It was a good sign that she seemed to react slightly to Lexa, but her breathing was still irregular and Clarke was worried she could still work herself into a frenzy.

No matter how often Lexa repeated her reassurances, it did not seem to ease Marie's panic further. Blood was trickling from her palms, where she had clawed at them.

A sense of pain was the first thing, which truly registered again in Marie's mind. Her mind was hazy and she had trouble to truly breathe in, as if something heavy was pressing down on her chest.

Marie's grey eyes were wide and panicked, when she looked from her bloody palms around the room. Her surroundings did not match with the memory which still ghosted through her mind.

"Marie, can you tell me, where you are?" someone asked her suddenly. Her head whipped into the direction of the voice, her breathing become even more difficult.

Suddenly she felt someone take her wrist and her hand was pressed against someone's chest. "Deep breath, Marie" another voice said. Internally Marie frowned slightly, the voice sounded soothing and familiar, but black spots were starting to dance in front of her eyes and the panic seemed to rise in her mind.

"Only concentrate on my voice, Marie" the voice repeated "Breathe in…" a pause and Marie tried to follow the voice's order "… and out…".

The orders repeated themselves and Marie's breathing got calmer again slowly and she felt someone else's heartbeat beneath her hand, rhythmic and strong.

Slowly her eyes regained some focus and Marie started to recognize her surroundings, her brows knitted together in confusion. She had been sure to be back with the queen. She could not have imagined that, could she?

"Marie, continue to breathe calmly and deeply" she now recognized the voice as Anya's.

"Look around you" Lexa prompted gently "Can you describe to me, what you see and where you are?"

"I see you and Anya…" Marie's voice was hesitant, laced deeply with confusion "…I am in your quarters. How did I get here?"

"You had a flashback" Clarke answered the girl's question, but she noticed how Marie seemed to stiffen again at her voice.

Marie noticed Alira now as well and although she smiled slightly, almost shily, at the handmaid, she straightened herself and quickly stood up again.

Marie surprised all of them when she asked where Ontari was and immediately left to seek out the nightblood girl, as if nothing out of order had happened.

Chapter 179

Anya remained within the commander's quarters for a few moments longer.

"So, she remembers everything now?" Clarke asked Lexa, watching the younger girl leave with a slight frown. It had not escaped her notice how Marie had not reacted really well to herself trying to help her.

"Marie remembered the Mountain, when she woke again" Anya explained "She had wished to see Lexa".

Lexa nodded "She remembered the old lullaby I had calmed her with in the medical bay of Arkadia".

Clarke inclined her head, deep in thought "Remembering the Ark might have been a trigger to all her memories in the end. But it truly won't get much easier now" she sighed.

Lexa and Anya both looked at Clarke in expectance silently.

"She seems to suffer from what was previously called post traumatic stress disorder" Clarke explained.

Anya frowned, she had never heard this term.

"You might have seen a form of it already in warriors who could not cope with the effects of a battle" Clarke added.

Lexa nodded in agreement. Although it was rare for their warriors to be befallen by what they called "warrior sickness", it did happen occasionally. But those who suffered from this form of sickness, usually never returned into the ranks of an army, their unpredictable reactions to the stress of battle made them a reliability.

"It happens rarely" Lexa said "But those usually never recover truly…" her voice trailed off. She hoped Marie could recover or the girl would never be able to function as a warrior.

Clarke shook her head immediately "Marie is young. She can recover. She needs support and it might take her months or in the worse case even years to truly recover, but it is not impossible. Her mind still needs to work through what has happened to her. But she can learn how to cope and deal with panic attacks and flashbacks"

Anya and Lexa bandied a worried look. Both of them were connected in their hope that Marie could recover and they would try to help their charge in every way possible.

"I will try to get back into contact with my mother. She surely has some case reports or strategies on how to help PTSD patients" Clarke added after a moment.

Anya nodded and proclaimed that she would go and see how Marie was. It had unsettled her slightly how seemingly fast Marie had recovered from her flashback and almost fled from the commander's quarters.

Clarke tried to reach out to Arkadia with her radio, but her mother was occupied at the moment and Markus, who had taken her call, assured her he would tell her mother to get back in touch as soon as possible.

Lexa watched her general leave and her green eyes were slightly apologetic as they connected with her love's blue ones.

Clarke sighed and she help up her hand, silencing Lexa on what she assumed would be an apology "You do not need to apologize, Lexa" she assured the slightly older woman and stepped closer to her, her hands resting softly on her hips.

Lexa raised her brows in silent amusement, the ghost of a smile playing around her lips.

"Anya told me something about the circumstances of Costia's abduction" Clarke said, voice cautious and she immediately felt the commander's body stiffen under her hands in reaction to the mentioning of Costia.

Lexa's lips thinned visibly. She was irritated to hear that her former mentor spoke about Costia with Clarke, she trusted Anya unconditionally, but there were things better left unsaid. She had not thought it necessary to discuss about Costia with Clarke and she had not planned to do so. Costia was her past and there was no sense in dwelling on it, Clarke was her present and hopefully her future.

Lexa could not stop her mind from returning to the immediate days and weeks after Costia's disappearance. They had been quarrelling for days before and Costia had left her in anger, something Lexa still regretted. She had always wondered if Costia would still be alive to this day, if she had not stormed out of Polis to lead a scouting mission without the commander's approval. The uncertainty of Costia's whereabouts had been like a slow torture to Lexa.

"I am sorry I brought Costia up" Clarke amended softly, noting on the sadness lingering within Lexa's green eyes "I may have said that I do not wish to be a leader ever again, but I do not want to be separated from you either, Lexa, we are one now".

Lexa slightly shook her head "We are not one, yet" she retorted prompting a confused frown from Clarke.

Lexa sighed and her expression was almost downtrodden "You have already seen a bonding ceremony, Clarke, but I am afraid I will never be able to offer you that…" There had never been a commander to be bonded to a partner and Lexa doubted that her people would accept such an act.

Clarke shook her head vehemently "I do not need a ceremony to feel connected to you, Lexa" she reassured the other woman, voice strong and resolute.

"I know it was foolish to think you would agree to remain behind" Lexa appeased the blonde with a slight sigh under her breath.

"You have vowed to me to treat my needs like your own" Clarke reminded the commander with a gentle teasing glint in her eyes "It is my need to be with you, always. I would worry myself sick".

Lexa snorted slightly, shacking her head subtly. Having her own words thrown back at herself like that, was something she had not truly expected from Clarke.

"And don't think that I have not noticed the similarities between your vows to me and what Lincoln and Octavia have vowed to each other" Clarke teased, but her expression turned sober only moments later.

A blush dusted over Lexa's cheeks, giving her an almost adorable expression. She was saved from having to give Clarke a verbal answer, by the radio buzzing back to life.

Clarke smiled slightly, before she answered her mother.

Lexa listened on in what advice Abby had on how to deal with Marie, her head soon began swimming with all the little details they would need to keep watch over. It sounded complicated and taxing on all of those involved in dealing with Marie on a daily basis. It seemed as if there was much, they could be doing wrong, but Abby had many strategies at hand on how to help Marie with working through her trauma. Essentially, it sounded as if Marie would need to regain trust into herself, her sense of security and her ability to have trust in others and it would be a developing process for the upcoming months. Abby warned them that they could be expecting many setbacks and not to expect that one day would be like another.

Lexa sighed deeply, after Clarke had discarded the radio, saying goodbye to her mother. The commander's shoulders seemed weighted down and doubt was visible on her features, doubting the fact that they would be enough to help Marie overcome all that had been done to her at the hands of Nia.

Anya walked through the corridor quickly, entering her quarters without knocking. She was surprised to find Marie glaring strongly at Ontari.

The nightblood stood opposite of the blonde girl, arms crossed over her chest defiantly and it looked as if the older girl had started to pack together her few possessions.

"Tell her she is not being thrown out of your quarters now, Anya!" Marie demanded, anger strongly colouring her tone and her hands were balled into fists at her sides.

Anya frowned visibly at the scene. Why would the nightblood think to be thrown out of her quarters? "Of course, she is not, Marie" she assured the agitated girl quickly and turned her questioning gaze to Ontari.

Surprise flashed through the nightblood girl's dark eyes before her expression turned defensive and she retorted "Marie has regained her memories now, so I am not needed her any longer…"

Anya sighed under her breath, pinching the bridge of her nose in annoyance, while Marie was still glaring at Ontari.

"Marie, sit down and eat something" the general ordered, motioning to the already set table with a strict expression, before she turned to Ontari "And you better curb this nonsense quickly" her tone was sharp and did not leave room for a discussion.

Ontari visibly frowned, obviously not believing the general's words.

"Sit and eat dinner, Ontari" Anya ordered sharply and when the nightblood girl still visibly hesitated she added strongly "The fact that I took you as a second, is not connected to Marie in any way."

It was obvious Ontari was still doubting her words, but the girl sat down obediently, not wanting to test the general any further. The next days would show on their own if her words had been true or not.

"Cease your attitude, Marie" Anya reprimanded her younger charge after a moment of silence, when Marie kept on taxing Ontari with an accusative glare.

Marie blinked slightly, as if shaking the anger from her mind, she did not quiet understand why she had been so angry to begin with. She poked at the dinner on her plate without much of an appetite, her appetite had been next to none existent for weeks now and all the food seemed to make her stomach queasy.

"Anya" Marie addressed the general, voice hesitant and cautious.

"What?" Anya asked, voice slightly kinder and waited for the girl to elaborate.

"I don't feel well eating…" the girl explained, looking between her plate and the general with an unsure expression.

Anya frowned slightly, worry flashing over her features "It could be from the tonic still" she mused.

Marie's expression looked almost pained. She had not spoken about the tonic with Anya yet and she knew she needed to apologize to her, but she was afraid of the general's reaction. But she thought that being honest now might make Anya more merciful later, so she admitted in a low tone "I don't think so…I have been feeling queasy for weeks…"

Anya sighed again, but she nodded "Laurel left some of the herbs for the tea to sooth your stomach, you can certainly continue to take it until your stomach settles on its own". She remembered that Abby had listed nausea as one of the possible repercussions of Marie's trauma, but they would need to keep close watch that the child would not develop a full-fledged eating disorder.

She ordered her younger charge to wait with her eating, busying herself with preparing the tea for the girl quickly.

Ontari looked highly uncomfortable when a guard opened the door and Risha slipped inside, immediately trotting over to Marie, lying her head on the child's thigh.

"Hi, girl" Marie greeted the wolf, a soft smile on her features and she stroked over the wolf's muzzle a few times, prompting a slight purr from the animal.

Anya snorted slightly under her breath as she placed the cup with steaming tea in front of Marie on the table, for all of the nightblood's bravery it was almost ironic that the girl was still so obviously afraid of the wolf.

"How long does the foal have to grow until it can be ridden?" Marie asked the general as the woman sat down again, enthusiasm clear in her tone.

"Usually around five summers" Anya answered curtly and watched the girl's expression fall.

Marie grumbled something unintelligible under her breath, that sounded like an awfully long time. Now that she thought about time, she wondered what date it was exactly.

"How long was I … gone from Polis?" the girl asked, voice hesitant but curious.

"Half a year" Anya answered promptly, voice heavy at the realization just how long her young charge had been subjected to Nia's torture.

"Oh…" Marie exclaimed with what could pass as disappointment flashing through her grey eyes "I missed my birthday…" she added sullenly.

"Birthday?" Ontari inquired unfamiliar with phrase, but she kept suspicious eyes on the wolf.

"Yeah, I have birthday in spring, so I turned ten" Marie explained quickly. Her expression seemed far away for a few moments, as she remembered her birthdays when her mother had still been alive. She could have given them a specific date, but she knew that the survivors on earth had stopped using an exact calendar, only keeping track of the seasons. Although her parents had never had much possessions and celebrations were highly limited, her mother had usually saved a little of their rations to get her a small cake and a new book in exchange. She would have liked to make a little celebration of sorts with Lexa and Anya, but she guessed she could propose the same to them next year.

When Marie felt her stomach stopping to clench, she resumed eating, but Anya still noted how the girl mostly picked on her food, not eating very much.

Ontari frowned slightly, she did not understand why this was something worthy to mention "Is this some Skykru custom?"

Marie startled slightly, pulled from her thoughts "Yeah, you celebrate your birthday with your family and close friends, with a cake"

"Cake?" the nightblood echoed, confusion seemingly only increasing.

"Yeah" Marie nodded "A cake with candles on top and the birthday child blows them out and wishes something".

Ontari's frown deepened "Why would you put a candle on a cake and blow it out? There would be molten wax on the cake and why would you wish for something then?"

Marie blinked at the older girl, her brows knitted together at the questions which seemed so weird to her.

Anya internally had to agree with Ontari that this Skykru custom did seem rather weird. They did not keep track of their ages in such a way, age mattered little to them. They measured someone's worth by their experience and surely not their age alone.

"They were little special colourful candles and they did not have that much wax. Or at least, I don't remember that. And while blowing the candle out, you would wish something for your next year of life" Marie tried to explain.

Ontari still looked rather confused by this custom, but Marie added "And the others sing "Happy Birthday"".

The confusion on both of their faces increased obviously and Marie sighed under her breath, shaking her head muttering a "just forget it" and returning her sole attention to her plate of food.

Before Anya could say something, a handmaid knocked and asked if they could enter to prepare a bath. The general nodded her head, although she was surprised, as she had not asked for a bath to be prepared at all.

Lexa had told the handmaid to bring a special herbal remedy for Marie, intending to calm the girl's anxiousness enough to sleep. Abby had explained that using herbs in a bath, which were already well known by their own grounders, and keeping up massaging the oil against the scars into the girl's back afterwards should be enough to ease her to sleep, at least initially.

Marie visibly stiffened when a few handmaidens entered their quarters and Risha whined lowly when the girl's fingers clenched in her fur.

Ontari frowned at Marie's behaviour. The younger girl had not acted truly distrustfully of strangers without her memories and she would have assumed that Marie would feel securer now, but the opposite seemed to be the case.

The blonde girl relaxed again visibly, once the handmaidens had left and they were alone in their quarters again.

Anya had read over Lexa's short message delivered by one of the handmaidens quickly. It sounded quite lavish and luxurious to provide a bath on a daily basis for Marie and she hoped it would truly work to sooth the girl to sleep. But it was certainly better than giving the girl another sleeping tonic.

She motioned Marie to follow her into the bathroom.

Marie hesitated in undressing remembering acutely that she still had to apologize to her mentor for sneaking around her.

Anya watched the girl shuffle her feat with a slight frown "You do not plan to bath fully dressed, do you?" she asked.

"No" Marie shook her head, blushing slightly, but she made no move to undress herself.

Anya leaned against the edge of the bathing tube, waiting for he girl to state what was obviously bothering her mind. She knew the girl would spit out what was on her mind, if she left her waiting for long enough.

"I am sorry…" the child said softly, eyes downcast and her expression screaming remorse loudly.

Anya patiently waited for her charge to continue her apology and she kept her expression open. She was sure to already know what the girl wanted to apologize for. Feeling guilty for sneaking around would be something truly matching to Marie's character after all.

"I won't lie to you again…" Marie assured and her eyes seemed to already tear up under the guilt.

Anya had a good incline to know just how upsetting the situation was to the child. "You better not" she reprimanded sharply and Marie winced visibly at the harshness of her tone. She was fairly positive the girl would lie to her again some time, but she hoped it would be in a less dire situation. The child needed to start using her head and start thinking rationally and responsibly.

Marie gulped and nodded frantically, but her voice was wavering strongly as she checked "You still love me…?"

Anya sighed under her breath, she had a feeling Lexa and she would be repeating this for uncountable numbers in their immediate future. "Yes, Marie, and that is certainly not going to change, no matter what kind of idiotic ideas you come up with next" she reassured the girl with a tight-lipped smile.

Marie enveloped the general exuberantly and smiled tearfully as she whispered "Love you…" into the general's midriff.

"Love you too" Anya assured the child gruffly and gave her a little nudge "Off into the bath with you now" she ordered.

Chapter 180

Anya stepped out of the bathroom again, once she was sure that Marie was indeed in the bathing tube.

Ontari was sitting cross-legged on her bed, Risha standing next to the bed, wagging her tail at the girl, while Ontari tried to remain out of reach of the wolf.

"You do realize that Risha is as tame as a lamb to those who are connected to her human?" Anya asked, amusement colouring her tone and a smirk pulling at her lips.

Ontari's gaze snapped to Anya immediately and she narrowed her eyes at the general, thinning her lips, but giving no verbal answer.

Anya huffed under her breath "Risha is wagging her tail at you" she explained "She is interested in you and she is persistent, she will not leave you alone". The general could not hide the laughter from her tone completely. She herself had been very distant towards the wolf immediately after Marie's disappearances, but fortunately Lexa had taken care of the animal. No matter how much she had doubted the rationality in letting Marie keep the wolf cub in the beginning, because she had been sure that such a predator would not be tamed, Risha had proven her wrong on all accounts. She would not advice anyone to try to hurt Lexa or Marie, because she was sure that wolf would intervene then, but otherwise the wolf truly would hurt no one. The animal was still young and playful, but she enjoyed cuddling as well and sometimes resembled a dog more strongly than an actual wolf.

She clicked her tongue, efficiently calling the wolf over to her and Risha obediently turned and trotted over to her, sitting down at her feet. Lexa had taken excellent care of the young animal and it had grown to be obedient to the point.

Ontari had watched the animal with slightly raised brows and she seemed confused by the animal's obedience.

"Come here" Anya motioned Ontari over in a strict tone. In her opinion the nightblood had had long enough to get used to Risha on her own terms, but the girl had made not even a single move to get into actual contact with the wolf, so she would force her to do exactly that now.

Ontari gulped visibly and she hesitated for long moments, but when Anya's lips thinned visibly at being blatantly ignored, she stood back up from the bed. Her steps were hesitant and small and she stopped a safe distance away from Anya and the wolf.

"Closer" Anya clarified sharply, rolling her eyes slightly at the girl's behaviour.

When fear visibly flashed through the nightblood's dark eyes, Anya sighed under her breath and put a hand on Risha's body to gently keep the wolf from moving in the direction of Ontari.

"Another lesson" Anya said calmly and her brown were honest as she looked at Ontari, who seemed visibly confused. "It is alright to admit to fear something" she continued strongly and she silenced the nightblood with a simple gesture when the girl obviously wanted to disagree.

"To feel fear is perfectly acceptable" Anya said strongly, but was interrupted by Ontari.

The girl shook her head "Fear is weakness" she repeated a lesson, which had been drilled into her for long years the hands of the queen.

Anya shook her head, lips thinned slightly at the rude interruption, her voice was still firm but kind when she explained "Having fear does not make you weak. It is the way you decide to deal with fears which makes the difference between strength and weakness. Only a fool thinks to be completely without fear".

Ontari's dark eyes were fixed on the wolf now, as she slowly inched closer to the animal. It was obvious what the general wanted her to do, without her actually formulating it as an order.

"I have told the same thing to Lexa and Tris before, Ontari. If you are afraid of something, count to three in your head, focus on the feeling of fear, do not let them paralyze you and breathe, overcome your fear" Anya explained in an even tone.

It surprised her slightly to see Ontari close her eyes shortly, taking a deep breath and extending her hand towards Risha, when she opened them again. Anya had not expected for Ontari to heed her advice so quickly, but she was pleased to watch the girl doing so.

Risha behaved in an exemplary manner and stayed perfectly still as Ontari cautiously touched the wolf's flank. Her fingers first only grazing over the soft fur cautiously, before she became slightly braver and truly stroked over her fur.

"Her fur is so soft" Ontari exclaimed, voice slightly awed and the slightest hint of a smile tilting the corners of her mouth upwards.

Anya nodded, amusement dancing through her brown eyes, and she let go of Risha, watching with a slight smile, as the wolf immediately leapt up into Ontari's face.

The nightblood had been crouched down in front of the wolf and with a surprised gasp, the girl fell over, landing on her butt, as Risha sniffed at her face and started to lick at her only fractions of seconds later.

"Oh, stop, stop!" Ontari exclaimed, trying to shove the wolf away from her, but also trying not to anger the wolf and prompt her to bite at her. Laughter was slightly colouring her tone at the feeling of the wolf's wet tongue in her face.

Anya clicked her tongue again, taking pity on the girl's misery, and called Risha away from her.

Ontari wiped over her face with a slightly disgusted expression.

"See, Risha would rather lick you to death" Anya teased good-naturedly, as she petted the wolf's muzzle.

Ontari snorted under her breath and she relented "Okay, she is not a vicious beast, but that was disgusting".

"Go and wash your face then" the general motioned towards the bathroom, a smirk still tugging at her lips and her voice tinted strongly with amusement.

Ontari immediately went around the general and Risha, her gaze definitely less suspicious as it rested on the wolf shortly.

"You should not sleep in the bath" Ontari chided the younger girl softly and Marie's grey eyes snapped open, startled by her sudden appearance.

"We would not want you to drown" Ontari teased slightly, quickly washing her face with some clean water.

Marie sat up in the bath, sticking out her tongue at the nightblood in a truly childish gesture. Her expression sobered quickly though "You are staying, right?"

Ontari sighed, feeling slightly foolish for having reacted in such a way at all. "You have heard the general" she said easily.

Marie rolled her eyes "Her name is Anya…" and her voice seemed slightly annoyed before something different flashed through her grey eyes, enthusiasm enlightening her features "…and if you are her second now as well than that makes us…" she scrunched up her face deep in thought.

Ontari frowned, turning back around to face the younger girl and waiting to hear with what she had come up with. She did not know of any real relation between two seconds sharing a first though. In Azgeda a warrior rarely mentored more than one second at a time.

"…sisters!" Marie exclaimed excitedly as she turned around and kneeled in the bathing tube, hands keeping hold of the edge, facing Ontari and almost bouncing in the bathing tube.

Ontari blinked down at the younger girl, utterly speechless for long moments. She would have expected many things, but she had definitely not expected this. She could not remember, if she had had any siblings before she had been brought to the queen, but she had rarely mused over her lost family.

Marie seemed oblivious to Ontari's overwhelmed reaction and started to chatter excitedly about the advantages of being something like sisters. It was obvious very quickly just how exited Marie seemed at the prospect of extending her definition of family to Ontari in addition.

Ontari's mind was reeling, it was safe to say that she did care for Marie, but beside that she still had doubt anything else would develop, she would be perfectly fine with accepting the general as her mentor figure, she surely did not need anything else.

Anya frowned when she caught on to what Marie was speaking about so excitedly. She vividly remembered how important it had been to their charge to be allowed to label Lexa and she as a definite part of her family. The general was aware that the concept of siblings was mostly alien to Skykru. Octavia's mother had been executed for birthing a second child and hiding said child. So, she could sympathise with Marie's fascination with having a sibling, it would have undoubtedly been something the girl would have mused over before. Loosing her little family at such a young age and having been isolated for such a long time period at such a young age was bound to leave behind scars within the girl's mind and wishing to now rebuild a secure family again for herself was obviously one of them. But Marie would need to understand that forcing such a development would not work, she highly doubted that Ontari would be feeling comfortable with the concept. Anya mused that the nightblood would probably be comfortable enough to acknowledge her connection with Marie, but that would not be enough in Marie's opinion. Ontari's continued silence was testament enough to the fact just how swamped the Ice Nation nightblood would be feeling right now. Internally Anya snorted lightly, they were on the brink of war and Marie had just regained her memories a few hours ago. It seemed so characteristic of their charge to focus on something as trivial as putting a label to her relationship with Ontari when so much was happening already.

She rapped on the door to the bathroom curtly, calling inside that Marie should be getting out of the water soon, which would have already cooled down considerably by now. Anya rolled her eyes, the bath had been intended to calm the girl down, but judging from her exited chatter Marie was as awake as she could have been. So much for the soothing effects of the herbs on a child so lively Anya thought almost sarcastically. When she noticed her own train of thought, the general shook her head, it was relieving to see Marie's personality shine through again. It would be too much to hope that the girl had already recovered from the whole ordeal she had suffered through, her negative reaction to the presence of the handmaiden had been enough testament to that already, but hearing the childish excitement so strongly colouring the girl's voice was heart-warming nonetheless. She still hoped that massaging the oil to help with the scarring into Marie's back would be enough to sooth her again, so that she would fall asleep without much problem.

Ontari stepped out of the bathroom as soon as Marie had gotten out of the bathing tube safely and started to dry off. The nightblood's expression was troubled and it was obvious the conversation had upset her, probably deeper than she would admit out loud.

Anya mutely watched the nightblood girl walk over to her bed apparently deep in thought, she would not force her to speak her mind and she doubted the girl would offer anything now. She was proven correct, when Ontari quickly shrugged out of the light armour she had still been wearing and into the soft shirt and trousers she wore to bed and laid down without a word, or in fact not even once looking in the direction of the general.

A few moments later Marie came out of the bathroom, feet bare and a towel slung around her body. The uncertainty already edged deeply into her features pulled at Anya's heart and the general would have given everything to have the ability to simply erase the girl's fears from her mind and take them over herself.

Anya mutely forced a smile on her own face and motioned Marie over to her bed. The girl lied down without further prompting and discarded the towel quickly.

Marie peeked over her shoulder, body slightly quivering and grey eyes filled with uncertainty. The enthusiasm of before obviously forgotten now.

Anya's smile became tight-lipped as she warmed some of the oil between her palms, before carefully distributing the strongly smelling substance on the child's back. After only a few strokes of her hands Marie's body visibly relaxed and her eyes fell shut moments later.

Anya watched her charge's features losing their worried frown finally when sleep finally overtook Marie's mind. She continued her gentle administration for some time wanting to make sure that Marie was truly deeply asleep and she tried to bite her tongue, when Marie's eyes snapped open immediately as she stood from the bed, to reign in the sigh wanting to escape her lips.

"You need to sleep" Anya said, voice forcefully gentle and brown eyes kind. She was aware of Ontari watching her very move, but the nightblood kept silent in her observations.

Marie sucked in a harsh breath and her hands clenched to fists when her breathing quickened. The girl's eyes flashed with varying emotions, too quickly for Anya to be able to put a name on them, but indecision remained. It was clear the girl was afraid to fall asleep and had obviously been fighting her body strongly.

Anya did not know if offering to share her bed with her charge would help or actually worsen her state now, so she waited patiently for Marie to formulate what she wished to ask.

"Can you read to me?" the child's voice seemed small and a slight blush coloured her cheeks at having to ask and her own inability to face her fears.

Anya nodded with a soft expression. Lexa had done so many times in the past when Marie had had problems falling asleep and it had usually helped to sooth the child to sleep just fine.

While Anya stood up to retrieve a book, Marie quickly shuffled on her own sleeping attire. Marie laid down again on the far edge of her bed, leaving enough room for Anya to lie down beside her.

When the general returned and sat down on the chair beside the bed, Marie visibly frowned and although she did not voice her plea, shuffling around with the furs had obviously been sign enough for Anya. The general huffed under her breath once and finally relented with Marie's unspoken wish.

Ontari watched the proceedings with a mixture of amusement and an emotion she could note quiet name. The general and the blonde girl looked so oddly familiar with each other and just so deeply connected that it was painfully obvious just why Marie regarded the strict woman as part of her family now. Ontari had already been witness to the commander handling the blonde Sky girl just as gently, when Marie had broken down during the lesson with the other novitiates discussing the Mountain. It was a weird concept in her mind to watch both women, both of them undoubtedly skilled and powerful warriors, ruthless and the very epitome of power outside of their quarters, being so clearly wrapped around Marie's little finger and treating her with the gentleness of a mother. The queen had always instilled within her mind that being gentle with anyone, even your own mount, was a weakness and simply an impossible contrast to the strength she had always thrived to acquire. But she would not think that the commander's or the general's strength were diminished even the slightest bit by caring for Marie.

Marie's smile was grateful when she immediately cuddled up to the general's midriff and she looked up at the woman, grey eyes expectant to start reading, in silence.

Anya rolled her eyes mutely at the girl's antics and started to read the book to Marie in an even tone. She was glad Lexa had thought of sending her a few books after Marie's return just in case their charge wanted to read something solely for her amusement.

It seemed to take forever for Marie's eyes to start to drop. Anya observed the girl shaking herself awake again a few times and the first two times she had interrupted her reading and chided the girl, only for Marie to start arguing about not wanting to sleep and being more awake again as an effect. So, Anya had stopped pointing it out to Marie and hoped that the girl would sooner or later have to fall asleep and lose the fight against her own body.

When Marie finally had fallen asleep, her breathing evened out and regular, Anya felt the girl's hands still fisted into her shirt and she sighed under her breath. There was no way she could loosen Marie's hands without waking her in the process. The position she was trapped in was anything but comfortable though. Anya half sat, half lied propped up against the headboard of the bed and Risha had hopped on the bed some time ago, cuddling to Marie's back, offering even less space of the bed.

Anya glanced over to Ontari but it seemed the nightblood had already drifted off to sleep as well. She carefully turned and placed the book on the chair standing next to the bed. When she looked down at Marie's sleeping form, she sighed, even in sleep their charge's features looked troubled still. Softly Anya let her glide over the girl's hair, caressing her cheek lightly and watched the troubled frown drain from her features. She had very little hope of catching much sleep herself in this way and she highly doubted that Marie's sleep would remain untroubled by nightmares for long.

She mused if it would be more beneficial for Ontari to assign her quarters of her own again, but discarded the idea immediately again. The nightblood would probably not complain about losing some sleep. Her reaction to the news of Marie regaining her memories had been clear enough to Anya to relay what the nightblood had truly feared would happen. Ontari was obviously afraid of being rejected now that she thought her own purpose to Anya had run dry. The girl probably did not wish to be alone either. It was a weird thought to realize that although Ontari and Marie were so visibly different and even contrasting to each other, but at the same time Ontari was, just as Marie was, a troubled girl, troubled by her own demons, but troubled nonetheless.

Anya closed her eyes, trying to stop her own thoughts from keeping her awake, hoping to catch at least a little rest before Marie undoubtedly would wake again soon enough. She dearly hoped she was not boiling the ocean by having taken over Ontari's care in addition.