On Saturday morning, after taking breakfast in the Great Hall with the students, Serena strolled out into the grounds and took a long walk, making the most of the Scottish sunshine. She was feeling stressed and anxious about that afternoon and the consequences it could have if she screwed something up. She was also still incredibly angry at Severus and the last thing she wanted was to spend time with him, especially if he was in a fowl mood too.
She sighed and practised her occlumency techniques as she walked over the hills and breathed in the fresh air deeply. She loved being outside.
She did a loop back to her rooms for a quick lunch that a houself had prepared for her, and she changed into jeans and tucked in a checked black and white shirt which she buttoned all the way up to her neck. If she was going to be in close proximity to Severus all evening, she didn't fancy giving him a view of her boobs, plus, his rooms were always quite cold. She threw a loose black cloak over her shoulders and realised she could avoid her fate no longer.
He made her wait almost two minutes before the door finally opened and it only made her anger come flooding back to her. She scowled as the lock clicked behind her and walked reluctantly up to where Severus was brewing a potion in the middle of the classroom, his back to her. "I must stir for sixty seconds and then it's finished," he murmured, not looking at her.
Serena didn't reply but she sat down, crossing her legs and looking anywhere but at him.
After a minute had passed, Serena found a glass bottle full of the liquid thrusted under her nose. She recognised it immediately but only raised her eyebrows in indignation. Severus' hand didn't waver, she felt his glare on the top of her head and eventually she took it, placing it carefully into the pocket of her robes.
"Come."
Severus disappeared into his kitchen and Serena huffed, leaving her robe and the potion in the classroom, it would not do to blow it up in her anger.
Severus pointed at one of the chairs and she sat down, a scowl still etched on her face.
He summoned his notes and sat down opposite her, and it was only then that she looked at his face. He looked almost angrier than her. His face was stony, and his eyes were cold and hard. Remus' game had definitely affected him, then.
Severus rustled through his papers and then cleared his throat. When he spoke, he sounded bored and his eyes didn't quite meet hers.
"As I explained, today I will be exploring your mind and setting certain labels on the parts of your brain which react to certain emotions. To start, we shall begin with your Mind Island. You shall stay there, and I shall move past into the subconscious parts of your mind. Later, we shall use memories and I will be administering several potions and taking several tests every hour."
Severus pulled his chair closer, as reluctantly as her, it seemed and finally looked directly into her eyes. A small crease appeared between his eyebrows, as though he had seen something he did not understand, but Serena only focussed on her barren, empty landscape, pulling it to the front of her mind, listening to the waves breaking on the shore and the wind whistling in her-
"Bloody hell!" she gasped, swatting his hands, which had just made contact with her temples, away from her, and pushing her chair back away from him with a loud scraping noise.
Severus glared at her and his hands snapped immediately back to his sides.
"How the fuck do you want me to be all calm and peaceful with your fucking anger rolling off you like a fucking upset hippogriff!"
"You're one to talk," he snarled back. "Your magic has been crackling ever since you walked in."
"And why do you reckon that is!" she snapped. "Maybe because the last thing I want to see right now is your miserable face."
"The feeling is mutual, believe me," he sneered.
"You think giving me the potion means you're forgiven? One little word like you mean it and I'll forget it, but it's just so beneath you isn't it? Apologising?"
"Are you so naïve as to think that it ever means anything?" he snarled back at her, standing up now and sweeping behind his chair, clutching the wooden back with tight fists. "One word and everything forgotten?"
And Serena suddenly understood. Severus wasn't talking about her, he was talking about Remus. She let her eyes sweep over him, he was almost shaking with anger, with an anger that he couldn't let free. If he showed it in front of anyone else in the school they'd scoff at him for being petty or sensitive and not taking a joke. But she could see and imagine the real effect being mocked by the entire school could have on someone with a self-esteem as low as his. Remus' words from weeks ago echoed in her mind, my friends, and to some extent myself, treated him quite badly… and here it was happening again, all these years later. Her eyes refocussed on Severus whose lips were pressed tightly together, his skin deadly white and his eyes glittering with hatred he couldn't express. He needed to get angry, she realised. He needed to let all his emotions out before they ate him up from the inside. So that's what she would give him. Because yes, she had been hurt by his quick and wrongful conclusion and judgement of her, but Severus had been humiliated by the entire school! Her eyes snapped back to his and she narrowed her eyes, standing up and clenching her fists by her sides.
"And when did you become such a jerk?" she challenged, hoping words would be enough for him and he wouldn't curse her into oblivion. "Was it after you took the Dark Mark or were you a bastard before?"
Severus' body tensed and then spun and in a flash of wood his chair hurtled to the side of the room with a deafening crash against the bookcase, causing several books to fall down from the shelves on the impact. "Oh little girl," he snarled, rounding on her and baring his teeth threateningly, "you are so blind to the ways of the world, you need to realise that everyone is a bastard in the end, everyone will betray you, everyone will target you, it's only a matter of time!"
"And what about women then?" she spat at him, acting braver than she felt, "When did you start hating them? I can understand your low opinion of me, you've seen things I'm not proud of, but to try and shame me for having sex? It's not my fault that you're a horny old pervert that hasn't got any in years!"
"You wouldn't know would you, as my private life is just that- private! Whereas you quite enjoy flaunting about the castle with him-"
"You jealous prick!" she cried, so tempted to pull out her wand. "I asked you for something, and as usual you leapt to the wrong conclusion and you can't even apologise! Because that's what your foul mood is really about isn't it, your stupid pride being trampled on this week-"
Severus took another threatening step closer to her and when he spoke his voice was dangerously low. "Being betrayed by a Gryffindor is hardly new-"
"And hardly fair either!" she cried, her voice still raised. "You should be angry! You should be furious! What you shouldn't do is lock yourself in here and fuel your self-loathing!"
"I assure you my revenge shall be gratifying-"
"And will it help you?" she snapped accusingly at him. "Will it? Because all I can see right now is self-pity!"
"Don't think you know me!" he shouted suddenly, making her jump by the power in his voice as it seemed to resonate around the small room.
She pushed her fear aside and attacked him again. "I'm starting to know a lot more than I want to! You're selfish, you're mean, you're a bastard, you're moody, you're miserable-"
"Rich coming from you," he interrupted in a low growl, drawing closer still. "You are fucking swimming in sadness. Oh, it's all smiles and laughter in front of the audience but deep inside I can see the real you, and you've got just as much self-loathing as I do!"
"At least I'm making an effort! You're like a bloody dungeon bat billowing around down here!"
"And you're just a common tart!"
"You're a vicious bastard!"
"You're a fake little princess!"
Severus felt triumphant when the reply didn't come and Serena merely looked at him, but confusion swept over him when she suddenly let out a huff of breath and her hands collapsed to her sides, all tension flowing out of her.
Serena looked him straight in the eyes, letting all her defences go, and merely said lightly, one eyebrow raised, "better?"
Severus' eyes pierced her own and she felt him push into her mind almost brutally, racing around desperately for answers to explain her behaviour. For the first time, she did not try to protect her mind and did not try to stop him, knowing that he had to understand.
When he had found what he was looking for he withdrew just as abruptly as he had entered, and she found him glaring at her for a long, tense moment. The curse she had expected to hit her didn't come, and slowly, his defensive stance slackened, and his arms fell limp to his sides, his glare softening and a strange, almost confused expression flooding his face. She watched him nervously until he gave a small, jerky nod.
Her face broke into a smile. "Me too," she said breathlessly, flopping back down into her chair and ignoring his incredulous stare. "Now if you don't mind," she started with a sudden mischievous smirk on her face, "I'm going to retreat back into my mind island, and I don't want you to disturb me."
Severus shook his head in disbelief at her, and slowly summoned his chair from where it lay awkwardly against the bookshelf. He slowly sat down into it, opposite her again.
"Infuriating woman," he muttered in a low voice and Serena gifted him with a dazzling grin.
When he took his position and reached out to touch her temples for a second time, she felt satisfied to feel that his anger had almost completely dissipated, and that it had been replaced with subtle amazement and something that felt like friendship.
Strangely enough she found it easier than usual to slip into the second defence mechanism and find herself standing on the shore of her beach, the sand slightly blurry beneath her feet, but the waves of the drifting ocean crystal clear before her eyes. She breathed in deeply and focussed on letting the blank environment fill her mind.
She knew Severus was in her head, she could feel another presence prodding and tugging, but she could not see what he was doing and she couldn't feel his hands cupping either side of her face. She stood still and faced the horizon that seemed closer than in real life, almost reachable. She watched the smaller waves lap the shore and the larger ones crash and fizz into shallow waters.
She did not know how much time had passed until Severus pulled out and she opened her eyes.
He was already scribbling on his clipboard, his eyes squinting in concentration. She sat patiently until he had finished and he lifted his head back up to her, scratching his ear absentmindedly with the tip of his quill.
"Positive news," he said in a low voice. "The Animus Apertus has had exactly the effect I had hoped for. It has labelled parts of your brain and made it much easier to explore your mind. I will explain to you now my plan. You may ask your questions at the end."
"Sir, yes sir," she muttered before she could stop herself. He glared at her, but she was too nervous to care.
"In simple terms, I am going to dissect your mind and pinpoint which parts of your mind are linked to which emotions. We shall work through targeting certain feelings and I shall connect that feeling to a specific potion. I shall then monitor the effects and continue with the following emotion. The function of the potions is to repress the connection between that emotion and your magical powers when you are confronted with a situation of heightened emotion. If we succeed today, I aim to develop a final concoction over the next few weeks or months which combine the original potions we shall use today. That final mixture may be your long-term solution."
When he had finished Serena stood up suddenly and moved towards the bookshelves, hiding her face from him. She couldn't stop the tears burning her eyes or the slight tremble in her fingers. She had clung onto every word of his explanation as if her life depended on it, because it really did. She couldn't stop her body's reaction to the sudden flare of hope that burned inside her. She took a deep breath and blinked the tears from her eyes.
"Have you done anything like this before?" she asked finally in a steady voice, fingering the spines of the books before her.
"Not specifically," he replied curtly from behind her.
"You really are quite brilliant aren't you?" she breathed, turning to face him. He hadn't moved an inch from his seated position, and his expression was as mysterious as ever.
"Nothing is guaranteed," he said firmly. "You must be very aware; this may not work and we may have to start from zero."
She gave him a small smile, "Just trying is enough for now."
"Then let us begin, no- don't sit, this will take hours and you will be very tired. I suggest we move somewhere more comfortable."
Serena felt a small thrill in her stomach as Severus moved towards the door at the end of the room she had yet to traverse.
Severus pushed open the door and as she stepped into the room, she felt a shiver of magic wash over her. The wards to this area were a lot stronger than the ones to his classroom or his kitchen, but they had accepted her.
She hovered in the doorway and smiled. It was exactly as she had imagined. There was a velvet dark blue sofa in an L shape at the far side of the room facing the fire that was crackling slowly in the grate. A comfortable looking leather armchair sat closer to the fire with a book laying on it, and a small table next to it. The floor was almost entirely covered with a thin dark blue and grey rug. But it was the walls that Serena loved the most, more books, hundreds of them, lined the walls from floor to ceiling. As she stepped into the room she saw new themes and titles that she itched to explore. The room smelt of wood and pages and rich coffee. She breathed in deeply and finally let her eyes fall upon Severus who was watching her every reaction almost nervously.
She smiled warmly at him and moved further into the room, shutting the door behind her. "It's lovely," she said softly.
"Sit," he said pointedly, jerking his head towards his sofa. Serena sat down gently into his sofa and waited as Severus went through yet another door behind her. She stroked the soft sofa and read a few book titles until he came back with a large briefcase. He sat it on the small table and opened it, pulling out several small glass vials of dark potion, labelled with small brown tags. Then, surprisingly, he started unbuttoning his black teachers' robes. Serena averted her eyes shyly but then looked back, watching him slowly reveal his form. As the robe slipped of him, she took in his crisp white shirt that was tucked into his black trousers and remarked how in shape he was. With his black robes buttoned from top to bottom she had always thought he looked very thin, but she remembered she had felt the hardness of his chest weeks ago, when they had kissed. Thinking of that moment, her eyes flickered back to him. His waist was slim and tight, and his chest was lean beneath the white fabric. His arms filled out the shirt well and his black hair tickled the starched collar as he moved to fold his cloak. She found her eyes gazing curiously down his legs to his black leather boots that rose up above his ankles.
His arm floated down and swirled and a wooden chair appeared in the centre of the room. The sudden magic startled Serena from her observation and she jerked her head to the side, averting her eyes quickly. God, she had stared at him. She hoped he hadn't noticed. What had come over her?
Severus pulled the chair up to the sofa and sat in front of her. He handed her the first small potion. "Drink."
Serena took it from him, careful not to touch his hand, and sniffed it, wrinkling her nose at the acidic smell. "Cheers," she knocked it back in one and grimaced at the taste.
"What did you expect," he sneered, "strawberries?".
She pulled a face. "Well I did actually, you could make an effort and create some tasty potions."
Severus snorted. "Before we begin, I will take your wand."
Serena took it from her pocket and handed it to him.
"We must work quickly before the potion leaves your system. We shall start with the… easier emotions. I would ask you to choose a memory that represents one of the happiest moments of your life. It must be very strong."
Serena couldn't help but blush. "It's almost more embarrassing showing you happy memories than sad ones."
Severus' stern expression did not falter. "I assure you your memory interests me very little, I shall be concentrating on finding the chemical and magical triggers in your brain and shall only be witnessing your memory as though it was in the very corner of my eye or the very back of my mind."
Serena felt even stupider. Of course he didn't care about her memories. He was probably attempting the most difficult never-done-before operation of magic and potion making and here she was worrying about her private life. "Of course," she stammered, her cheeks burning again. "Sorry."
"It is of no matter. Have you a memory?"
She nodded.
"Then let us begin. Legilimens."
Serena focussed on her memory and let it wash over her, she brought it closer to the front of her mind and concentrated tightly on every detail and suddenly she was back, swaying on that polished dancefloor in South Wales, with Kingsley's warm hands guiding her.
"You're getting there," he chuckled his deep laugh, sending bolts of magic through her body. "You're getting the rhythm now." She gazed lovingly into his brown eyes and focussed on the steps. One-two-three, change sides, one-two-three and twirl. As they settled into the rhythm and ignored the other young wizards and witches swirling around them, Serena couldn't help but gaze over his young, handsome face. His eyes were a hazelnut brown and his skin was so smooth and without blemishes she was sometimes envious of it. His hair was fuzzy and she knew it felt like wool beneath her fingers, as she had touched it once before. His tiny gold earring glinted in the soft light of the ballroom. Her eyes dropped down to his lips and she wondered what it would be like to kiss them. She felt his eyes on her own and she blushed suddenly and averted her eyes, worried in case he had seen her staring.
She had tried to kiss those lips, once, but he hadn't let her. She'd told him she loved him, but he'd pushed her away. She'd felt so conflicted. She knew she was young, she knew he was in a difficult position, but she also knew the emotions she felt when she touched him. He could say whatever he liked, but he couldn't hide his feelings from her, even if he wanted to. She had let him politely push her off though, she had gone through the stages of humiliation and embarrassment before brushing it off and finally settling back into the routine of friendship and co-living they had made for themselves.
She had been living with him for over a year now. Today was the day she came of age. Today was the day that she'd been dreading. She wondered if he'd ask her to move out, now that he was no longer her guardian, but instead he'd asked if she wanted to learn to dance. She'd been thrilled. But now that they were here, she felt the fear creeping back under her skin. Was this goodbye?
"Let's go outside," Kingsley murmured as the song ended and everyone applauded the brass band that was playing. He offered her his arm and she took it, letting him lead her through the crowds and out of the small wooden door onto a narrow, cobbled London street. Her high heels teetered slightly on the uneven surface and the light silver dress that she had bought especially for the occasion shimmered in the glimmer of the street-lamps. Kingsley slipped out of her grasp gently and he walked a step or two away, looking up at the moon and lighting a cigar. She stared at his broad profile. He looked dazzling tonight in his purple dress robes. He had already attracted the hungry eye of many a witch in the room, and Serena had glared at them with possessive jealousy. Gazing upon his silhouette beneath the moon suddenly filled her with sadness and she had to bite back the lump that formed in her throat.
Kingsley took a drag of his cigar and puffed out the smoke into the city air. "I prepared a speech in my head but I've forgotten it all," he said suddenly, still not looking at her.
All she could do was stare at the back of his head, frozen to the stones beneath her, unmoving in the English breeze.
"I knew everything I wanted to say but I can't say bring myself to say it anymore. I've argued with myself for months, torn myself apart over the rights and wrongs of this situation, tried to put myself on higher moral ground, tried to make the good decision, not the selfish one, but I am selfish."
He turned, suddenly, and it pained her to see his face filled with fear and worry.
"It's okay," she said for him, her voice dry. "You don't have to say it, I understand. I couldn't stay living with you forever, could I? You didn't even have a choice in the matter. You just got lumped with me."
"But I do have a choice," he said in a desperate voice, suddenly rushing closer to her and searching her eyes with panic. "I do have a choice and I'm afraid I'm making the wrong one."
He sighed, vanished his cigar and took her hands gently in his.
"Fear-" she began, but he cut her off, shaking his head and sighing.
"I know what you're feeling, I know what you've felt, you told me so before, and you've kept showing me and all I've done is push you away. You were my student! I'm so much older than you! You were my ward! You barely know any better! I was glad when you were with Pierre for those months last year! I wanted you to find someone better or to live a life without me! This is wrong on every single level but I just can't stop it anymore. I want to tell you to move out, I want to tell you to leave and live your life, but in reality I just want to beg you to stay, to beg you to see past the age difference, to see past our positions, to-"
"What are you saying?" she cried suddenly, her expression one of fear and hope and confusion.
"I'm saying," Kingsley sighed heavily and pulled her closer, tilting his head towards hers and moving lower, slowly, giving her time to pull away, before finally meeting her lips with his own.
Happiness exploded in Serena, stronger than she had ever felt it in her entire life. She kissed him back hard and felt her body radiating joy from top to bottom, pure, uncontrollable, bliss and exhilaration.
After long, blissful moments she pulled back reluctantly and looked him in the eye, trying to be as clear-headed as possible. "I need to hear you say it… I've felt your feelings for almost a year, but you pushed me away and denied them…."
Kingsley sighed and pressed his forehead to hers. "I felt guilty and dirty by the things that linked us and by the power relationship I had with you… It doesn't change what you know…"
He pulled back a few inches and stared at her intensely. "Serena, I'm in love with you. Over this last year I've fallen in love with you and I've waited for this night for months, for you to come of age and for this to be legal…"
"Oh Kingsley!" She kissed him again passionately, pulling him tight against her and almost laughing with joy against his lips. She hugged him tightly and laughed again. "I love you too! It's all I've ever wanted, to be with you! I'm so happy with you! I'm so happy!"
The happy couple swayed together, wrapped in each-other's arms, laughing and kissing in the middle of the London street beneath the soft glow of the full moon.
When Serena pulled out of her memory she felt her body sway, her head span and her eyes couldn't focus on anything. She panicked, tried to stand up and ended up falling with a cry of fear.
"Easy, easy."
Two hands clutched her shoulders and lowered her back down into a sitting position. "Wait a moment, it'll come back to you."
Slowly, Severus' pale face swam back into view and Serena found herself sitting on his sofa in his living room.
"Urgh I feel sick," she muttered, shivering at the sudden cold of the dungeons. "What happened?"
"The first stage was successful. Now you need to rest. I will check on you in half an hour." He stood up.
"Was my memory ok? Did I do it right? How long did that take?" she looked around her, feeling completely disorientated.
"It was sufficient," he answered curtly. "Stay seated, you were under for half an hour, it is a long time to be trapped in one's mind. Your brain will be very tired."
She rubbed her head sat back on the sofa. "Ok. Thank you."
He merely nodded.
"May I have a book?"
Severus turned to his bookshelves and selected three books. He handed them to her carefully. "These may interest you."
"Thank you," she said, giving him a weak smile.
"I shall make coffee."
He left the room and she sat her head back against the sofa with a sigh. The memory had felt so real. The moment had felt so intense… The happiest moment of her life…
She heard Severus clinking spoons against mugs and she sat back up, looking at the titles he had brought her. There was a book about rare discoveries in herbology, a book about advanced Occlumency and a third book about the history of Hogwarts. She smiled. He knew her well. She opened the book about Hogwarts and settled down, pausing only to sip the coffee Severus had brought for her and nibble on a biscuit he insisted she eat.
Severus himself settled down into the leather armchair and summoned a packet of student essays which he began to mark. It was a very domestic affair.
After half an hour he stood up, summoned his clipboard, took out his wand, and knelt down in front of her.
She put her book to the side and looked at him expectedly. Severus ran a few diagnostic charms over her, murmured a song-like spell to measure the strength of her magic and tested her reflexes the muggle way, by elbowing her just below the knee.
"Ow!" she complained, rubbing her knee and scowling at him. He rolled his eyes and wrote a few notes and numbers down. Then he straightened up again and looked deeply into her eyes. "May I?" he asked, an eyebrow raised in a smirk.
She nodded, surprised he had asked permission, and he pushed into her mind. She stayed calm, focussed on her breathing and felt his presence inside her. He didn't seem to touch or move anything like last time, he was merely observing or feeling something, so she waited patiently until he withdrew.
"How are you feeling?" he murmured, lowering his hands and taking up his clipboard again, all the while keeping eye contact with her.
"Fine, I don't feel any pain, my mind feels the same as always. I'm just tired," she admitted. "I feel exhausted, I'm reading this book and I have to read the same paragraph twice just to understand it."
Severus nodded and stood up. He summoned a box from the kitchen with a wave of his wand and handed it to her. "Eat."
She opened her mouth to protest, but he gave her a dangerous glare, so she took a biscuit quietly and bit into it.
"I have a potion to check on. I'll be back in half an hour. Eat," he added more firmly, and she nodded her agreement. The sugar from the first biscuit seemed to be helping already.
He left the room and Serena slipped off her shoes and curled her feet up beneath her on the sofa. She pulled the book back into her lap and continued her reading. Exactly half an hour later, Severus reappeared, ran the same spells and asked the same questions, took some notes, and then pulled his wooden chair closer and handed her another potion. She sat up straight, placing her feet on the floor again and took a deep breath, looking at the four potions that remained. "We've done happiness. What's left?"
"Fear, anger, grief, trust. According to Plutchik's theory of emotions. The remaining emotions are not long lasting enough. Surprise, for example, would be difficult to work with, and I don't need to cover every different aspect for this to work."
Serena nodded. "And which is this?"
"Fear," he said lightly. "I have decided it is best to tackle it whilst you are not too tired."
"Hmm," she sighed. "Well, I suppose we've relived the dementors once-"
"No," Severus interrupted in a low, silky voice. "You have worse."
She looked at him, and she really did look scared for a moment, "What do you-"
"The memory must be the most powerful memory you have. The most afraid you have ever been in your entire life. The success of this process depends on it."
Serena opened her mouth, closed it again, opened it and then gritted her teeth together and nodded. "Ok."
"I will cast several protective spells over myself and cast a bubble around you. I have no wish for you to damage my book collection."
She nodded, biting her lip nervously.
He cast several protective spells and then stowed his wand. "Drink."
She drank down the potion, barely noticing the horrible taste this time, and closed her eyes. When she felt Severus' cold hands on the sides of her face she tried to pull the memory to the front of her mind, but all she saw were blurry images and clouds of smoke.
"Concentrate," she heard Severus' low voice pushing her, but she was so scared of what she would see and so nervous of what he would see that she couldn't reach it. The memory was out of her grasp.
Severus withdrew from her mind and she opened her eyes, feeling panic rising up within her.
"Stop," he said softly, keeping his hands on her face. His own face was mere inches from hers and she looked into his eyes, fear mounting inside her, what would happen if she failed-
"Stop," he said again, in an even quieter voice and she realised he had been reading her thoughts. "You have repressed this memory for a reason. It has brought you great pain, heightened your fear, fed your self-loathing and changed your future. But now, this memory can bring you closure, it can bring you change. I want you to close your eyes."
Serena hesitated, her breathing was heavy and she felt suddenly very weak. It was only his intense gaze that kept her anchored, and eventually she slowly closed her eyes.
"Picture your memory as a photo frame. You can see the figures moving inside, but it's just an echo. Reach out… touch the glass with your fingertips… Feel the smooth texture… Now, take the frame in your hands, bring it closer to your face. As you bring it closer, you can see the scene playing out like a pensieve in the glass… you bring it closer still… you can suddenly see every detail, every colour, you can smell the odours, they're coming back to you…. Tilt your head… And… like a pensieve… you fall in."
The room was dark. They were making love. The leather sofa felt warm and familiar under her skin, but the real heat came from the body above her. She moaned in pleasure as Kingsley rocked inside her, whispering to her all the while how beautiful she was, how perfect her body was, how much he loved her. She could feel his hot skin against her breasts, her hands were on his firm buttocks, her neck nestled in the crook of his neck as he lay kisses on her ear and her cheek. He groaned above her, he was near climax, and so, it seemed, was she. Another animalistic groan escaped from her and she gasped for air as pure bursts of pleasure jolted through her, stronger and stronger, from her wet heat down to her curling toes, she could feel nothing but bliss, nothing but love, his own emotions joined with hers, she felt his arousal, she felt his pleasure, she felt his love, and it consumed her. She came hard with a shriek, biting down on his shoulder and closing her eyes tightly as she heard his own low moan of pleasure as he spilled himself inside of her.
Too quickly he was gone and her eyes flashed open to a scene of panic. She screamed, a blood-curling, hoarse scream of terror. The room was on fire. The room was fire, she could no longer see the walls. Smoke billowed, flames roared and it took her long seconds to react, to move, to comprehend what she had done. The flames bit at the sofa, she could see Kingsley casting spells in vain, she could see him screaming at her, see his mouth moving, his bulging eyes begging her to move but she was frozen.
It was only when he grabbed her arm that she jerked awake. She screamed again, suddenly feeling the flames licking at her skin, burning her cells, singing her hairs and melting her, scorching her, hurting her. Kingsley's voice was hoarse now, his aguamenti spells came out in small bursts but he was choking, the smoke billowed around them and she could barely see him, he tried to pull her out but they couldn't find the way. The walls collapsed around them, fire crackled and roared, making more noise that she thought could be possible.
She'd killed them, she realised. She'd killed them both.
"Serena." His strong hands grasped her tightly, she felt his fear, she felt his desperation and she felt his love, burning as strong as the fire around them.
"I can't fight this on my own," he choked, and her eyes seared with pain as she forced herself to look at him, perhaps it was the last thing she would ever see.
"Please. Save us."
He was hurting, he was in pain, he was dying, and she could save them, not like those muggles, this time, perhaps she could save them.
She scrunched her eyes tight, focussed with all her might on water and let it burst forth from within her. She screamed from the effort, she screamed from the pain in her mind and her body, she screamed from terror and shame, she screamed for him, she screamed with frustration, she screamed for everything she had done.
Water crashed down around her and the air was filled with hissing and smoke. When she opened her eyes she was naked in his arms and he was sobbing. She had never seen him cry before, she realised.
They clutched each other for what seemed like hours. When he finally looked down at her it was her turn to cry. Over half of his body was covered in burns. His hair was gone, he had a nasty gash on his shoulder and he shook from the shock.
She bent over as huge, wracking sobs were wrenched from her chest and her body shook from fear. She had nearly killed him. She had nearly killed her Kingsley.
She scrambled back towards him, looking through tears at his injuries, at his angry red skin and his peeling burns.
With a last push of effort she seized his hand and focussed all her remaining force on his injuries. She shrieked as she took his wounds from him and healed them. She screamed through the pain, clutching on to him with all her might as he tried to wrench his hand away, to break contact, to stop her, but she pushed on, her voice hoarse from screaming until they had all faded except a stubborn burn on his elbow.
"Stop, stop!" he shouted at her, begging her to cease her healing. "You're going to kill yourself, stop!"
"I nearly killed you," she moaned, looking around them at the devastation for the first time. Their house had been destroyed. Everything was ash and soot and smoke. The photos on the walls were turned to dust and the sofa where they had been making love mere minutes ago was a melted shape on the floor.
"Heal yourself," he commanded, gripping her tightly in his shaking arms. "Do it! Please! Serena, look at me! Heal yourself!"
She looked at him strangely, calmly, as though she had suddenly realised what this meant… She would kill him, one day, and he knew it. She felt cold. Stone cold. Dead cold.