Thank you for the reviews.
So one problem is sorted. Now shall we see if we can get another one sorted in the way that we want?
This is set three weeks after the last chapter...
Chapter 17
"Do we have to go?" Eddie mumbled as he dozed.
He felt Rachel move on the other side of the bed and he knew that the kiss that she placed on his lips was an incentive for him to get out of bed but it made him quickly reach out to wrap his arms around her. He could only smile as she squealed.
"Eddie. You know we have to go."
He opened his eyes as Rachel placed a hand on his cheek and he knew that it was the last thing that she wanted to do as well. She didn't want to spend one to two days in a family court, hoping to get him the right to see Daryl.
It was the only good thing that Adam had done when he admitted to what he had done to Rachel and pleaded guilty. It meant that all the anxieties over that part had gone.
It didn't mean that they wanted to go to court and it would have been easier if Melissa had backed down over him having no contact. They'd had Daryl two more times since Rachel and Melissa's heart to heart but Eddie suspected that it was more due to her wanting a weekend to herself rather than him actually seeing Daryl.
"Do you think Mark is right? I will have to say about what happened with Stephen?" Eddie said.
"Mark does have a point but I know what you are worried about. The worst part is that if you tell them about it now, Melissa is going to use it against you. She probably would have done anyway. I do understand that you don't want to be that vulnerable."
"It was easy telling you."
"I think we have decided that, to you, I am easy to talk to about a lot of things."
"This still doesn't make me want to go."
"Here is an incentive for you. I need a shower. Why don't you join me?" She placed a kiss on his lips before she continued. "And then we will go to the court and, because we will be early, go to the local and buy the cheapest bottle of red wine we can find and a nice bottle of champagne. That way, we have the horrible red wine to drown our sorrows and the champagne to celebrate our win."
"I love that word. Our."
"So do I. Are you joining me?"
Eddie allowed Rachel to slip out of his arms while he thought about it. Although he didn't know why he needed to think about it. It was a shower with Rachel and that was enough to get him shooting out of the bed and into the ensuite.
"He has seriously harmed Daryl," Melissa said.
"Ms Ryan, can we stick to the facts? Because I got a copy of Daryl's medical records and it seemed like he didn't need to be in hospital on the night in question. Actually I was told by the Head of the Ward that they only admitted him because you were so hysterical. That actually they thought that it was better to admit him than to insist that you took him home because they were worried about what might happen."
Eddie had to admit that Mark was good with words and the only good thing was that Eddie's name was on Daryl's birth certificate. It meant that they got those sorts of records without having to go through Melissa. Because he hadn't been stupid enough to sign that document that Melissa had wanted to give him.
"He… I was worried. Daryl was born at 33 weeks."
"I am not denying that Ms Ryan. I am just saying that my client leaving Daryl crying might have been just as bad as your hysterical reaction to that. I am sure that you were very worried about your son." Mark paused. "No more questions."
Eddie sighed, knowing what was coming next. Melissa didn't even glance over as he was called up. Rachel gave his hand a quick squeeze and he wished that this wasn't happening. He knew what he had to say when he was prompted by Mark but it was the questions by Melissa's lawyer that worried him.
"I think it is best to start with this question," Mark said. "Mr Lawson, do you have a professional diagnosis for postnatal depression?"
"Yes."
"And you have been seeking help for it?"
"Yes, through CBT. I see Carl every couple of weeks and we talk it all through."
"And have you found that to be helpful?"
"Yes."
"I know that it can't be the easiest thing to do, but could you just explain the events that lead to the situation where Daryl was found crying by Ms Ryan?"
"It had been building up, I suppose." Eddie paused, knowing that it would have been the perfect opportunity to finally mention about Stephen. He glanced over at Rachel and he could tell that she was willing him to say it but he just couldn't. "I… I didn't see Michael from the age of three months until he was three. I know it might seem that because I already had a son that it couldn't have been a shock or a surprise but… Daryl's early birth really affected me. I thought that it was because of… another reason but I have this feeling that it all started before Daryl was born.
"I remember how small he was in the NICU. He was so vulnerable. And I know that I wouldn't but I just… that day, I couldn't pick him out of his cot. I was standing there, telling myself to do it. To reach in to pick him up and soothe him but I couldn't. I just… I kept thinking that if I touched him that he was going to break or I was going to hurt him or that if I picked him up, I was going to drop him. I was telling myself that I wasn't going to… I just couldn't pick him up. I hoped Philip was going to be home before Melissa was. I think he had started to notice that… I wasn't as comfortable with Daryl as I should be."
Eddie took the look on Mark's face and he wished that he could do as he should have done. Mark said that he didn't have any more questions and it went over to Melissa's lawyer.
"Why did your marriage with your ex-wife end?"
It wasn't the first question that Eddie had been expecting but he was sure that it was a question that had been bugging Melissa. Just it was another opportunity to mention Stephen.
"Mr Lawson, you have just said that you didn't see Michael from the age of three months to three years old. Was that because this isn't the first time something like this has happened?" Melissa's lawyer continued.
"No. I… Things were different. Things changed between us." Eddie said.
"How?"
"A newborn is stressful enough without." He stopped himself.
"Without?"
Without them being twins and one dying of SIDS.
Eddie knew that is what he had to say but he couldn't and it must have made him look like a right idiot as his mouth moved but no words came out.
"Mr Lawson?"
"Without… without our marriage breaking down at the same time. Things… hadn't been right between me and Alison for a while. Neither of us wanted to split because of Michael. But… he sort of became the reason why we did."
Eddie knew that he had completely missed his chance but he was glad that it was over and that he could escape back to Rachel, although he could tell that she was equally unimpressed that he couldn't say it but also understanding.
"Don't worry, I'll do what you can't," Alison said as she was called up.
It gave Eddie no time to argue that it was a bad idea and he was sure that he was looking at Alison in horror as she took the stand and said the oath. Rachel grabbed his hand.
"She is only trying to help." She whispered.
"I know but is this going to?"
"I don't know. Please, Eddie. Just trust her."
Eddie didn't like it that Melissa's lawyer went first.
"Is it Mrs Lawson still?"
"Yes, it is," Alison said.
"Why?"
"Do you know how much paperwork there is in changing your name back? You men have it easy, you marry us and have to do nothing. Even when you divorce us, there is still very little you have to do. We have to send copies of our marriage certificate everywhere to change our name on everything. It wasn't worth the effort as I had only changed it all 18 months before. Or the questions from Michael as to why I had a different surname to him. The next time I will change my name is if I do remarry. I mean, why is your client still called Ms Ryan?"
Eddie couldn't help but smile at Alison's answer, glad that she still had that quick tongue to be able to argue anything. It almost made him forget about what she had said before she took the stand.
"Mrs Lawson, you have just heard how your ex-husband described the breakdown of your marriage. Is that how you would describe it?"
"I don't really understand what the breakdown of our marriage has to do with this."
"Then why didn't you allow Mr Lawson to see Michael?"
"Because I blamed him. I blamed myself as well. But Eddie was the one that put him to bed that night. The thing is, and this is what Eddie is struggling to say, Michael is a twin. He had a brother, Stephen, who died of SIDS. Eddie was the one that put Stephen to bed that night. But Eddie was also the one to find him in the morning. Our relationship might not have been what it was before we married but that was the final nail in the coffin. I think it has taken us both a long time to understand and accept that what happened with Stephen wasn't anyone's fault. It just happened."
Eddie wished that the memories of that morning hadn't resurfaced and he held Rachel's hand a little tighter, with her placing her other hand on top of his to try and give him more comfort.
"I'm sorry." Melissa's lawyer said.
"The reason Eddie isn't himself is probably because he is being constantly reminded of Stephen. Maybe if Daryl had been a girl, he wouldn't have been so bad. But if I look back now, we both fell into a depression after Stephen's death and it was horrible and awful and it meant the breakdown of our marriage. Maybe we both had been suffering from postnatal depression back then. It was just hidden because of the grief."
"But… don't you think that Mr Lawson is a danger to Michael?"
"No. Eddie was the one to suggest that it might be best if he didn't have Michael like he had been. I didn't want to because I had realised how much time I had taken away from Eddie. I trust Michael with Eddie and I can't wait until they can properly have their father-son time again."
Eddie didn't know whether Alison had helped or not but he felt like they had stumped whatever plan Melissa had to say that he was a bad father. Because maybe his actions did have an explanation now and as much as he hated that it was out in the open, maybe it had to be. He just wished that he had been strong enough to say it himself.
"Ms Mason, did you know?"
Eddie watched as Rachel took a moment. It was clear what Melissa's lawyer was asking but he knew that Rachel was going to ask the next question.
"Know what?" She said.
"About Stephen?"
"I did."
"And you didn't think to mention it."
"It wasn't for me to say."
"You and Mr Lawson were in a relationship."
"Is that a question?"
"No, it isn't. Are you back together?"
Eddie winced at the question. It wasn't something that they had discussed yet and he had expected her to look over to him to see what he thought but she didn't.
"I suppose we are." She said.
"You are with your sister's ex?"
"My relationship with my sister and my relationship with Eddie is a very long story. More so that maybe all of this could have been avoided. There… we probably all play our part in all this."
"How?"
Rachel sighed. "I should have told Eddie that I wasn't ready and that if he gave me time, I would be ready for a relationship with him. If what has been said is true, then Melissa should never have… started a relationship with Eddie if she knew that he wanted me or that I wanted him. Eddie should never have started something unless he knew that he wanted it in the long run."
"Would you trust your nephew with Mr Lawson?"
"Daryl isn't my nephew. He is Eddie's son."
"But he is your sister's son as well."
"I think that Melissa wants very little to do with me at the moment. I wouldn't call things sisterly between us."
"Are you trying to take your nephew off your sister because of your daughter?"
Eddie knew that he wasn't going to be sleeping with all the memories that had resurfaced but he knew that Rachel dropped her composure for just a moment before she went into headteacher mode. Things were rather personal now and Eddie felt like they were going to have the bottle of wine whatever. Maybe they would need a second.
"This has nothing to do with my daughter. Just because I have only just told Melissa about that, does not mean that you can use it against me now. I understand that I have missed my chance to be a mother but the last thing I am going to do is take a child away from a parent. I will be to Daryl to what I am to Michael and I will love and adore Daryl like I love and adore Michael. I will treat him as my own when he is with me but I will never ever take him away from Melissa. No amount of bad blood will do that. Daryl is Melissa and Eddie's son and I will help look after him when he is with Eddie."
"If he is with Mr Lawson. No more questions."
Eddie felt more relieved that Rachel looked that Melissa's lawyer had finished. He could only imagine what was going through her mind. Which is why he hoped that she would return to him when Mark had finished his questions and the judge said about them stopping for lunch. Instead, he watched Rachel as she walked out of the court as quickly as she possibly could. Alison gave him a smile as he turned to her.
"She had her adopted," Eddie said.
"That couldn't have been easy."
"Rachel was only 20."
"Eddie, go and find her. You can catch me up later."
Eddie nodded at her before he headed towards the door and off in search of Rachel.
Eddie found her outside, around the side of the building, leaning against it with her head bowed, her hair hiding her face. He knew that he should have called out of her but he slowly made his way over to her, raising her head by placing a hand under her chin. He hated the way that her eyes were red and full of tears.
"Sorry, I am here to support you." She said.
"And that was a shock. If I could string Melissa up, I would."
"It is times like this that I wish I never stopped."
"Stopped what?"
He dropped his hand and leant against the lamppost behind him to give her a little space.
"Smoking. I know, an extremely bad habit but it's just times like this that I wish I had a cigarette."
"I can't imagine you."
"Like always, my friends did it. I remember buying the cigarettes off the upper years for like 50p and having to make sure that I always had some spray and gum in my bag so I didn't get caught. All the teachers must have known."
"They probably did."
"Only stopped because you couldn't smoke in prison and I just kept not doing it. It was harder when it was more socially acceptable."
"Never tried."
"Really?"
"Never tried."
"But you were all for legalising drugs."
"I was misled back then."
"I know."
"I think we are going to need another bottle of red at this rate." He said to change the conversation.
"Is it going that downhill?" Rachel said as she sniffed.
"I am replaying the morning I found Stephen in my mind."
"I… might be replaying the day that the prison guards took her away."
"I know you didn't, but do you want to name her? I just… it feels wrong just calling her, her and your daughter."
Eddie didn't think that she was going to answer him at all and he was fine with that. He wasn't going to push her on a subject that she was so sensitive about. But the longer the silence went on, the more he felt like she was thinking about it rather than ignoring him.
"I... kinda lied when I said I didn't name her. I did. When I had to register her birth, I called her Elsie." She said.
"Elsie it is then." He paused for a moment. "We could always try and find her."
"We could. But we aren't going to."
"Okay."
"It was hard enough telling you everything. Imagine her being in front of me, with me having to tell her how she came into being and why I gave her up. Although... I do keep my details up to date, if she did ever want to find me. I argue with myself every time whether I should put whether I wish for her to make contact with me or not. I shouldn't take that choice away from her if she did want to."
"I know."
"You must think I am mental."
"I think you are you. I think that you are always going to put what others want before your wants. I think, no matter how difficult it would be for you, you would always leave the choice there for Elsie. Because it isn't about what you want, it is about what she wants."
"How have you always just got me?"
"Same reason that you get me to open up."
She gave him a smile before she pushed herself off the wall and walked towards him. He had stood up properly before she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his neck. He held onto her as tightly as she was holding on to him. He knew that time would soon be up for them and that they would have go back and hope that a decision could be reached soon. Because Eddie didn't want to go through another day of this if he didn't have to.
"I think today has been a trying day." The judge said. "So I think that you will be relieved to hear that I think I have heard enough and I have come to a decision during the lunch break."
Eddie was relieved and he could tell that Rachel was by the way she leant against him. Whatever the outcome, he was sure that him and Rachel could work through it together. But it still felt like a lifetime had passed as the judge moved bits of paper around before he gave his verdict.
"As I explained this morning, I am only here to judge on the balance of probabilities on whether Mr Lawson should be granted the right to go about his fatherly duties to Daryl. There is no doubt in my mind that Mr Lawson wouldn't pay his way per se. I am sure that he would give his word to pay child maintenance but I feel like that would only be appropriate if he had contact with Daryl. With one mother saying that she would allow her son to be with Mr Lawson, I don't see why Ms Ryan should be able to totally restrict the contact that Mr Lawson has with Daryl.
"I agree though that a Child Arrangement Order needs to be drawn up as soon as possible. I have drafted an order which has been sent to your lawyers. I hope that we can come back in a week's time to put this matter to bed. I hope that an agreement can be made by then." The judge turned to Melissa. "Ms Ryan, I get that this isn't the outcome that you hoped for but I don't believe that Mr Lawson reacted unreasonably. I get that you have only found out about Stephen today, but you must understand how that must have affected Mr Lawson."
Eddie held onto Rachel's hand a little tighter as the judge turned to him.
"And Mr Lawson, I am not about to say that I can imagine not only how awful it must have been for you when you lost Stephen nor how you must have felt with Daryl, but I have granted you this chance so that you can have a second shot and prove that you mean what you have said in court today. That you want to be a father to Daryl."
Eddie nodded at him and stood up as everyone else did. He didn't really let the decision hit him until he turned to Rachel and she jumped onto his arms. He lifted her up into the air as he allowed the smile to grow on his face, even more so when Rachel placed a kiss on his cheek.
"I told you," Rachel whispered to him.
"I still think we might need that extra bottle of red."
"We can't. We have school in the morning."
"If only it wasn't a school night. Although it might make my double year 12s more exciting."
She laughed as he put her down and let her go only to have Alison hugging him next. He looked over her shoulder at Melissa and he could tell that she knew the moment that Stephen was mentioned that it explained everything. He didn't expect her to change overnight but he hoped that this meant that Melissa would be more willing to come to an arrangement. For all three of their sakes.