We are staring at each other and I know we are both thinking the same thing.
"We need Rose," Em and I say at the same time.
I've been in this place for three weeks now and awake for one week. Once, Em knew I was awake, he has been in this room with me nonstop. Jay has also been here but I can sense that his mind is elsewhere. I am not angry because I know that something serious is going on and our safety is at the front of his mind. At least that is what I keep repeating to myself ever since he informed me that we would be living at his parents' estate until we can find our home.
Em and I have been looking at suitable places to live for the past couple of days now. Neither one of us has been able to find anything. Its either too flashy for me or too small for Jay. I just want a freaking house where I don't have to worry about someone staring daggers at me.
"When was the last time you guys spoke," I ask cautiously.
He snorts, "I should be asking you the same question."
"Aye, I'm not her husband mister," I tell him as I scoot up in the hospital bed. I do have to admit this room is very comfortable. I can only imagine what strings Jay had to pull to get such a luxurious room.
"No, you're just her sister who stopped talking with her and everyone else," He tells me. My eyes widen at the abrupt shift. Em mouth sets in a grim line and he looks away, "I didn't mean to say that."
"Yes, you did. I'm surprised it was not sooner," I say softly my hand resting on my abdomen.
"Look, Bella, I love you like my own sister. But the way you acted that was not cool. You cannot have one foot in our life and one out. We don't get to wake up and decide we don't want to deal with bullshit and disappear," He tells me.
"I am sorry that I left without a goodbye but I needed to do it that way. If I spoke with anyone you guys would have taken Jay's side. I get that you and Rose do not have the perfect relationship but you guys were always there for each other. I didn't get that. Jay would leave me to handle shit for the family. I am his family! I am having his kids. I am his rock! But I was being treated like a side piece," I finally look at Emmett.
"It was not like that," Emmett denies.
"Really? You mean to tell me all the business trips, all the late-night meetings, and all of the cancelled dates were mandatory. Please, don't pretend I am stupid. I am young, but I am not stupid and if there is one person who knows Jay better than you…its me. He was intentionally pushing me away. I am sorry that I didn't just lie down and take it. I refuse to be that woman."
"Be-"
"No, you are going to let me finish," I hold my hand up to silence him. "You didn't come to my father's house to see how I was doing. You only came because you needed assistance for Jay and that hurt. I get he is your brother but if the roles were reversed, Em, I would have never chosen a side. I would never have treated you like you treated me. To accuse me of being an attention whore is low."
Emmett does not say anything. We sit in silence. I feel good to get that off my chest. I don't like fighting with Em because for all intent and purpose he is my brother. I want to get past this but he has to know that he plays a part in the fracture of our relationship. Was leaving childish Jay of me? Of course. But at least I can admit it.
"You never said anything," He tells me. "You never said you felt alone."
A tear slides down my cheek, "I wanted to be strong. I needed to be strong so that Jay could see that I can handle being his wife. But to wake up and look in the mirror and not recognize myself…that was a low point for me. To be told that I could lose my children and my fiancé is not even on the same continent as me because he chose to leave was rough."
"I'm sorry, Bella. I am truly sorry. Hey, look at me," Emmett tilts my chin up so that I am looking at him. "You are never alone. If you ever need me to hit Jay in head, just tell me. I can't be there for you if you hide everything."
"I know," I smile softly. "I know."
"Good, now lets see how we can convince Rose to help us," He states looking worried.
I am guessing that he has not spoken to Rose in a while. Which I believe would be odd considering that was just in the hospital, but I don't know how far their rift is. He steps out to make a few calls, I'm guessing to trick Rose into coming here. The thought of having to face Rose does not scare me. I do not desire to fight with Rose but I am going to stand by my decision of taking time for myself. Though, if can be honest, Rose has always, and I mean always been in my corner.
I let out a sigh of irritation at hearing my phone go off. I already know who is texting me. I had to pry my father off of me and force him to go home. Between him and Jasper I was going to lose my mind. Charlie did attempt to kill Jasper, that was kind of hazy for a while. But Jasper was able to convince him to accompany him to get some coffee and when they came back they seemed very relaxed. I didn't question it because I knew it would just raise my blood pressure. I reach over and grab my phone. A new message from Charlie.
Charlie: Just checking to see if you're okay? Need anything? Want me to come?
I chuckle; he has not even been gone for longer than two hours and I am sure I informed him to get some sleep. He spent the night last night against my protest and I could not sleep for him tossing and turning in his sleep.
Me: Dad I'm fine…seriously. Get some sleep. I should not see you till 2morrow. Love u and good night
Charlie: call me for anything bells. Serious.
I don't respond because I know it's a trap for him to keep talking to me. Sometimes it's rough being the only child. I finally rest my head against my pillows and I am not surprised at how tired I am. I literally can get tired from just lying in bed all day. When the kids get here I am not going to be able to function. Benny is supposed to be coming here after school like he has been doing all week. He sleeps at the penthouse at night with Jasper because my father insists on staying the nights and I am only allowed one overnight visitor.
I'm starting to get worried about Emmett. He has been gone for almost an hour and he always tells me when he is about to leave. A dark feeling claws at my heart as I think about what could happen. Whoever tried to kill us knows by now that they didn't succeed and is probably trying to finish the job. I would be none the wiser. Jasper said I should call him anytime something feels out of the ordinary. I feel like this is something out of the ordinary. I reach for my phone at the same time my door creaks open.
I breathe a sigh of relief watching Rose and Emmett come inside of the room. They both look highly uncomfortable, well one of them does. Rose looks like she would rather be anywhere but here. As I watch them lumber into the room it finally dawns on me that it never occurred to me to call Emmett and see where he was. I went from zero to one hundred without even stopping to think of a logical conclusion.
"Hey, Rose," I wave.
She takes a seat at the chair by the window. The furthest from everyone in the room. Em and I share a look. I would have thought he had talked her down a little before bringing her up here but nope she looks like she is ready for an all out drag out fight.
"Rose, she said hey," Em states. I cringe because this conversation is about to take a hard left. On cue Rose eyes blaze with indignation.
"Excuse me," Rose turns her entire body so it is facing Em. "So, Isabella, barks an order and I am supposed to abide by it? What is she my fucking mother?"
"I was just saying be polite," Em retorts.
Rose scoffs, "Oh because she is so perfect. If it wasn't for her you would not have been shot in the first place. We all know that display was meant for Jasper."
Shots fired.
"Rose, you want to be angry fine. You can be angry. You have every right to be angry if that is what you want. But what you are not going to do is blame me for something I have no control over. Rather it had been Jasper or Emmett that car was going to get shot up. The only reason I factored into that equation is because I was in the car. That could have easily been you, Alice, or their mother." We maintain eye contact the entire time during my speech.
"You are always innocent, huh," She scoffs. "Tell me, Isabella, why are you back?"
"I am back for my family, Rose. Any other questions?"
She scoffs, "You are no Cullen and you will never be. You don't have the guts to live this lifestyle. Em, it's been a pleasure but I should be getting back to our child. You remember right? The one you abandoned."
So maybe this was a bad idea but to my defense I didn't think she would be so angry. Rose and I used to be able to fight then makeup the following day. Hell, sometimes we could make up an hour later. But this is different; she seems hell bent on not mending this problem. My ears tone out the shouting match that ensues between Rose and Em. I focus my attention on Rose. For some reason I keep being drawn back to her. It dawns on me that it's her eyes. The pain in her eyes. I haven't seen that much pain in her since she lost her babies.
"…all you care about is yourself! You don't love me." Rose shouts at Emmett.
"How can you say that? After everything we have been through?" Em counters.
Rose shakes her head and looks away. Her eyes teary with unshed tears. Something deeper is going on with Rose. She has to be angry about something else. Rose has the biggest heart ever which means that she forgives quickly but I don't see that happening anytime soon.
"I am sorry that I pushed you away when I left, Rose. I was not thinking about you. I was thinking about myself. I'm sorry. I wish I could apologize more but other than that I don't know what I am apologizing for." I tell her honestly.
"You don't need to apologize. I'm over it. I cannot deal with this shit. Isabella, I hope you figure your shit out for the sake of your kids," Rose stands up. She turns to face Em as she squares her shoulders. "I cannot do this, Em. I know that you don't consciously blame me for the miscarriages but subconsciously you do. I live with that guilt everyday, but I can't anymore. I'm having your things packed and ship to your condo in the city."
With that she walks out of the room. The door closes with an almost silent click but she could have slammed it and gotten the same effect. Emmett sinks down in the chair that he has been standing by this entire time. His face shows the shock that he is feeling. I know Em said she kicked him out previously so I assume this is her saying that it's permanent.
"Fuck." Is all that comes out of his mouth.
You would think that this tragedy would have brought us closer. Or help us forgive each other for the pain we have caused. Yet it seems to have taken us further apart. I don't know what to say to Emmett to make this better. I don't believe any words right now would make this better.
But then it comes.
The sobs. The heart wrenching sobs.
So, I do the only thing I know how to do. I open my arms and wait for him to cross the distance and lay in the hospital bed with me. I hold my giant of a brother as he cries. I run my hand through his hair in comfort. I wipe his face he pauses between sobs. I stay silent allowing him this time to be weak.
Eventually, I drift off along with Em. I feel so bad for him. Have you ever had someone you love in so much pain but you cannot take it away from them? It hurts and it sucks. I didn't think it would end this way but it is. It's strange because a little while ago we were all this one big happy dysfunctional family. Now it's like we are breaking off piece by piece.
The next day it's just Jay and I. He is seated in the chair next to my bed convinced he is raising my blood pressure by laying the bed with me. I cannot control my hormones. Its honestly my fault that I get turned on by the slightest of things. For example, all he is doing right now is reading a book but the way his lips are set and how his eyes squint as he looks at the book does something to me. I groan in frustration as my monitor goes off causing Jay to look up at me with a weary gaze.
"Seriously, Choc, I'm just reading," He holds the book up as evidence. "You need help."
"No, I need sex…" I murmur knowing this conversation is going nowhere.
He chuckles, "If I thought I could make you cum before the doctors come rushing in the room. Don't you think I would have done it by now? You just have to wait until we leave this godforsaken place."
"I am not having sex with you in the Cullen manor. I probably wouldn't even be able to get off knowing that your father is there," I tell him.
"Trust me you will get off plenty of times."
I raise an eyebrow at him. He keeps talking like that and I am signing myself out of here against doctor orders. I look back to the television watching some cop drama show. I have watched the last five episodes, but I cannot tell what is going on. My mind keeps going back to Em. Jasper took one look at him this morning and pulled him out of the room. He didn't tell me what he said to Em but Em came back and gave me a kiss bye and left. I haven't heard from him all day. There must be a way I can fix this.
"Where did Em go?" I ask.
"Leave it alone," Jay tells me.
"You weren't here last night," I say to him and turn so I can look him in the eye.
Jasper signs and sits his book down on the windowsill. He rubs a hand over his face, looking slightly exhausted. He has been going through the ringer lately. Sure, my dad stays the night so that he can sleep but I doubt that he is sleeping.
"I know but Choc you weren't here for their marriage. You were not here through all of the miscarriages and the late nights. I love my sister-in-law but Em is my brother. This marriage has not been easy on him. Maybe them splitting up isn't that bad of an idea," Jay says.
"Are you crazy?"
"No, I saw my brother before all of this and I see my brother now. He isn't happy, and he hasn't been for a while. You can love someone and not be happy with them. Just because he loves her doesn't mean he needs to stay," Jay tells me.
"After everything they have been through they are just supposed to call it quits?"
Jay sighs, "Did I ever tell you the story behind the time Emmett got drunk in the bar and yelled out about why god made him fall in love with her?"
"No, but I got the gist of it from Rose," I shift uncomfortably. That story has always rubbed me the wrong way. It never fit Em as a person.
"Rose and Em really wanted a baby. After losing the first one they didn't give up hope. But after the third miscarriage, Em wanted to stop. He couldn't take the emotional pain. With you being pregnant I can understand. People write off miscarriages so easily because the baby hadn't been born yet but to the parents that is an actual baby. Think about going through the pain of your baby dying over and over," Jasper tells me solemnly.
"Stop," I tell him because the thought hurts too much.
"Even the doctors told them to stop. I don't even think Rose was processing it anymore. She was just going through the motions. But then they got pregnant with Aidan. We thought he was going to be the miracle baby. Em and I had to go to Jersey for business. Em didn't want to leave her but he had to leave for this. So he took her to the manor so that she wouldn't be alone. I think we were gone for two days when Mom called us to say that Rose woke up in a pool of blood. When we arrived at the hospital, Em went back in the room. Rose had to give birth to Aidan knowing that he was dead.
That broke the both of them. We had a small ceremony for Aidan. Rose couldn't look at him but Em he wouldn't let the boy out of his arms. They called me back there to convince him to give the baby up…"
I can see the pain in Jay's eyes as he relives this. I don't even think he knows that a single tear has escaped the confines of his eye and is trailing down his cheek.
"When I got back there, they had rolled Rose out of the room. Emmett was standing in the middle of the room clutching Aidan to his chest. My dad was there but he couldn't look. Even he was broken. I talked to Emmett for 78 minutes. I finally pried Aidan from his arms. He was a handsome baby. Emmett crumpled the floor. I don't even remember walking out of the room with Aidan. The next thing I remember was giving the baby to the nurse and begging her to take care of him.
After we buried Aidan, Emmett went off the deep end. He had been holding himself together I believe for Rose and to get through the burial. But then he was just gone. He overdosed three times in one month, Choc. My father was prepared to ship him off to rehab but not like the normal ones here. I think everyone slightly blamed Rose even though it was not fair. I remember my father asking her why she didn't just stop. Why was she so hellbent on getting pregnant when God didn't want her to? I think maybe Rose said something to Em I never asked but he disappeared. I had Peter out looking for him. Peter found him six days later in a bar, I went there. Emmett was wasted. But have you ever seen a depressed person wasted? It's a sad sight. I took one look at Em and knew we lost him. I sat by his side the entire night. Then he told me that Rose doesn't love him. He said that he used condoms with her to prevent her from getting pregnant and even had her go on birth control just so that mentally he could get in the right mind spot. She stopped taking her birth control without telling him. Which, I mean her body her choice but she could have told him. She poked holes in the condoms too. She told him that after they did the hysterectomy after Aidan's death. She manipulated him into getting her pregnant again without caring how he would feel.
I'm not bashing Rose it's just a fucked up situation all the way around. After she told him that he was so angry and sad I don't think he even meant to yell it. He just screamed with so much pain why did god make him fall in love with someone like her. He had hit rock bottom. The last part that no one knows not even my father. When I took Emmett back to the hotel room, I left to make arrangements to get him clean. When I came back, I found Em with a gun to his head. I had to talk my brother down from killing himself. I don't think I ever got over that. So to answer your question Choc, I sent Em to Italy to our grandparents estate to clear his head. Nonna always knows how to get through to him. I didn't have to be here last night because I have already experienced my brother's pain before."
That was unexpected. I cannot imagine going through what they went through and getting back together. I can see both sides. Why Rose kept trying for a baby and why Emmett wanted to stop for a while. There is no easy answer to this one. I should leave it alone but I cannot. Rose won't have anyone when it comes out that she and Em are splitting up.
"Big families are a mess," I finally say and Jasper nods in agreement before picking his book back up.