Professor Dumbedore's eyes twinkled mischievously as he guided Hermione Granger towards the stage. He clapped his hands together and every student whirled around to see what was going on. "Attention students! Hermione Granger from Gryffindor house is about to give a very inspiring speech, so would you please listen carefully!"
Hermione stepped forward and cleared her throat. "Hello students of Hogwarts! I am definitely not under a potion. Definitely not. Why ever would I be under a potion? I am not under the influence of a potion in any way. Anyways, I am here to give a speech. All hail the Weasley twins! They do not make potions. No, they don't. Alright. I will begin my beautiful speech."
She stumbled a bit, nearly toppling to the floor. She cleared her throat once more, and began to speak.
"As a wise person once said, millions of people cry for onions every day. It's time to take action. You may not know this, but vegetables have peelings too! Corn has ears, artichokes have hearts and potatoes have eyes. Don't kale vegetables! Some people don't carrot all about murdering poor veggies. Don't be that type of person! If we want peas on earth, we've got to do what we can to make a difference. Even if it means that we have to stop eating vegetables. We've bean letting this happen for ages now, lettuce root for stopping vegetable cruelty! Romaine vocal about your beliefs. Create posters, speeches, songs, wear anti-vegetable abuse t-shirts, host fun parties and events that inform others about the cruelty that vegetables face daily, and continue to do your part in stopping vegetable cruelty and abuse."
She paused to point at her "DON'T KALE VEGETABLES" shirt. Several students laughed.
"We olive to eat vegetables, but we've got to start thinking about how they feel when we're brutally murdering them. Don't be a couch potato! Get up and start informing others about vegetable cruelty! Lettuce do our best to stop innocent veggies from being eaten. Be upBEET about helping veggies! Don't let others bring you down! Lettuce make those vegetables proud by rooting for them! Remember, don't kale vegetables, romaine vocal about your beliefs and stay upBEET about helping prevent vegetable cruelty. Together, we can make a difference."
By this point, students of Hogwarts were roaring in laughter. Severus Snape's mouth twitched at the corners. Dumbledore was clapping loudly, and Professor McGonagal sat with a disapproving smile. Hagrid's booming laughter filled the Great Hall, while Peeves cackled evilly.
Hermione bowed sloppily and stumbled down the stage.
Harry and Ron were grinning from ear to ear and patting Fred and George's backs loudly, their faces red from giggling too much.
A/N: I wrote this speech a while ago, and a few days ago I had the idea to use it in a chapter! Otherwise it would've gone to waste, haha. Hope this little chapter was okay! I love seeing all of your reviews, it makes me happy to make you guys laugh!